The SmarK Rant for TNA Impact – 09.27.12
Live from Orlando, FL
Your hosts are Mike Tenay & Taz
Hulk Hogan starts us out, and tonight is a TURNING POINT for the company. The TV title will be decided with two of Samoa Joe, Magnus, Mr. Anderson or Garrett Bischoff. Next up, the Roode-Storm “debacle” will be decided with a street fight at Bound For Glory, and King Mo will be the referee. Finally, he’ll go to the Aces & Eights clubhouse tonight, even if it means he fights alone. Luckily, Sting arrives to be his backup.
Kurt Angle v. Chavo Guerrero v. Christopher Daniels
Chavo and Angle tee off on Daniels in the corner to start, but Angle misses a charge and posts himself. Kaz trips up Chavo in the meantime, and this leads to an argument with the babyfaces on the floor as we take a break. Back with Daniels working on Angle’s arm with all the partners tossed back to the dressing room. Angle hits german suplexes on both guys, but gets tossed by Chavo. Chavo with a headscissors and senton on Daniels for two, but Angle fires back with a belly to belly on Chavo and the Angle Slam on Daniels. Anklelock, but Chavo rolls him up for two. Chavo with the rolling suplexes on Daniels and he goes up, but Daniels sends Angle into the corner to knock him off. Daniels with the STO for the pin at 9:30. Good start. ***
Meanwhile, Hulk laments the loss of Devon and questions the contenders to the belt. Hogan notes that Bischoff is only here because he was Devon’s partner. However, Hulk doesn’t want any drama with Joe and Magnus, so Magnus is gone. Hulk doesn’t want another girlfriend, apparently, and couldn’t afford Magnus anyway.
Meanwhile, Tara chats with Brooke, but gets interrupted by her new boyfriend calling from Hollywood. Brooke confiscates the iPhone and sends her out to the ring.
Tara v. ODB
Winner gets the title shot at Bound For Glory. EY is with ODB, so that probably shoots down the theory that he’s the secret boyfriend. ODB tosses her around the ring while Eric yells for the tag. Broncobuster and Young wants one as well. Tara bails and ODB hits her with a baseball slide, and back in for some clotheslines and a fallaway slam. Tara bails again while ODB does a kip-up and Taz warns about the dangers of high def TV. Back in, Tara takes off her giant knee brace and sells like she’s injured, but gets a small package for the pin and the title shot. They couldn’t decide if this was a comedy match or what, and it never really clicked. *1/2
Meanwhile, Bruce Pritchard gives Al Snow shit for the Joey Ryan situation, and then the judges discuss Evan Markopolous.
Meanwhile, Hogan eliminates Garrett from the competition, and Garrett gives a very meaningful glare and walks off.
Meanwhile, Bobby Roode tells Austin Aries that he’s cheering for Jeff Hardy at Bound For Glory, because then he can get another title shot again.
TV Title: Samoa Joe v. Mr. Anderson
They slug it out and both go for the finishers, but get nowhere. Joe slugs away in the corner and hits the jump kick for two. Anderson gets a rollup for two and a neckbreaker for two. Joe goes up and Anderson tries the Lambeau Leap, but Joe holds on with a crucifix hold and rolls him over for two. Anderson fights back and tries the Mic Check, but Joe escapes, so Anderson rolls him up for one. Joe pulls him down into the choke, but they’re too close to the ropes and Anderson fights over. Joe wraps up his arm, however, and rolls him back to the middle again and re-applies, and Anderson passes out at 5:17. The Joe push continues onwards. They were actually trying some different things here, although it felt a bit short. **1/2
Meanwhile, Hogan and Sting get abducted and loaded into the back of a white van by Aces & Eights.
Gut Check Decision: Evan Markopolous faces the judges. It’s a yes from Taz, but a no from Pritchard, so Evan gets to cut a promo for Al Snow. He promises to get his ass kicked every week if he has to, and this isn’t enough to convince the Snowman to vote yes. Huh, two weeks in a row where the guys get voted out. I would have given him the developmental deal for a $10 Starbucks card or whatever it involves.
Meanwhile, Sting & Hogan arrive at the clubhouse, and even in real life the leader is voice modulated. The voice pattern sounds a lot like Joseph Park, actually. So the deal is that Hogan picks two guys to face two members of Aces & Eights at Bound For Glory. If TNA wins, they go away, and if Aces win, they get full access to the building. Park (PARK. NOT “PARKS”, HULK, PARK!) is there and tied up, so he can’t be the leader.
Bobby Roode & Bully Ray v. Austin Aries & Jeff Hardy
Bully pounds on Jeff to start, but Hardy takes him down with a headscissors. Over to Aries, so Bully tags out. Aries makes them both look foolish, and Hardy cleans house as we take a break. Back with Hardy landing on his head to become painted-face-in-peril. Roode with a kneedrop for two. Hardy fights back with a Twist of Fate out of nowhere and it’s hot tag Aries. A cheapshot allows Bully to dump him, and the heels work him over. Bully with a splash for two. Bully with the bearhug, but Aries bites free and goes for the tag…and then changes his mind and makes his own comeback instead. Aries fights off both guys and hooks Roode in the Last Chancery, but Bully makes the save. Bully accidentally clotheslines Roode and Aries hits them both with corner dropkicks before giving Roode the suicide dive, and the missile dropkick for Bully. Brainbuster for Roode, and Hardy tags himself in and finishes with the swanton at 14:00. Man, some people are so selfish. Aries had that one totally under control. Good formula tag match with the twist of Aries not wanting to tag out. ***1/4
Meanwhile, Hogan and Sting are returned to the arena, and the Aces pull a KNIFE on them to keep from getting attacked. OK, between that and the blowtorch and the hammer last week, this is getting a tad silly.
Greatness of Aries aside, I wasn’t really feeling this show for whatever reason. Oh well, they can’t all be winners. Not a bad show, just matches that felt too short and didn’t do much for me.