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The SmarK Rant for TNA Impact–12.20.12

The SmarK Rant for TNA Impact – 12.20.12

Taped from Orlando, FL.

Your hosts are Todd Keneley, Mike Tenay & Taz

TV Title: Devon v. Kurt Angle

Man, if the world ends tomorrow and we never find out who the Vice President of Aces & Eights is, it’s gonna make the last day on earth a really annoying one. Kurt Angle brings out Brisco, Bischoff and Joe to watch his back, because he’s very stupid. How the heck can Devon comfortably wrestle wearing more layers of clothing than a Muslim woman? He’s dressed for Canadian winter there in Florida, that’s gotta be killing him. They do some basic stuff to start and a big brawl erupts at ringside, resulting in the referee ejecting both groups. Devon clips the knee in the chaos and we take a break. A LENGTHY break, 5 minutes worth in fact. Like really? It’s a taped show, guys. Back with Devon working on the leg for a bit before Angle makes the comeback with a belly to belly for two. Devon with the spinebuster for two. Angle hits him with the rolling germans and it’s anklelock time, and it’s yet another Aces run-in, allowing one of them to hit Angle with a bat and put Devon on top to retain at 11:50. These guys just do not work well together. *1/2

Meanwhile, Brooke Hogan hears out arguments for the Knockouts title tonight, with ODB, Tessmacher, Velvet Sky and Mickie James. I’m pretty over these segments. It was cute once or twice, but now listening to Brooke be like “ODB, you can’t focus on the title because your husband is injured” is just getting dumb.

Matt Morgan & Joey Ryan v. RVD & Kenny King

The babyfaces work Ryan over in the corner, but Morgan comes in and creams King with a kneelift to take over. Morgan beats King down and Ryan does the Nash choke in the corner while fondling himself, which is something I didn’t need to see. Morgan continues the beating with a sideslam, but King gets a rollup on Ryan for two and makes the hot tag to RVD. King with a spinkick on Ryan while RVD sells an eyepoke, and King bails on the match and leaves Rob to take the big boot from Morgan and get pinned at 4:55. The heels are not what you’d call good or anything. *1/2

Meanwhile, Kazarian promises a Christmas surprise for later.

Hulk Hogan is out to talk about something that only he can understand, and this prompts Devon to respond that 2013 is when Aces & Eights will be revealed and goals accomplished. Great, so it’s gonna take another YEAR. They threaten an attack on Hogan, but Bully makes the save.

Meanwhile, Brooke blows off the deliberations because it’s a busy day and eliminates Tessmacher because she wants to see how things play out between Velvet and Mickie. Huh?

Kazarian is out and celebrating, which means Christopher Daniels gets to enjoy a special Yuletide appletini and meet Santa. They give St. Nick the gift of ZUBAZ, but all this silliness brings out an offended James Storm because Daniels has NOT been a good boy and therefore is making a mockery of the holiday. Daniels suggests that Storm go on the naughty list, and Storm is skeptical that it’s the real Santa. So he quizzes him on what he got for Christmas last year, and when he can’t answer “A case of beer” correctly, he gets superkicked. Tremendous.

Knockouts Title: Tara v. Mickie James

Brooke eliminates Velvet beforehand, but makes sure to give her advice for her eventual title match. How is Brooke Hogan qualified to give anyone advice on ANYTHING? Mickie gains the advantage quickly, but Jesse trips her up and Tara takes over with a hairtoss. That match with Bully last week really boosted Jesse’s stock with me, actually. Tara SHOOTS THE HALF and gets two, then whips Mickie into the corner for two. Tara sets up for an F5, but Mickie reverses into a crucifix for two. Tara powerslams her for two. She pounds away on the back, but Mickie comes back with clotheslines and a neckbreaker for two. Mickie with the DDT, but Jesse pulls Tara out of the ring to save the pin and they decide to all t a night. Mickie hits Jesse with a dive to express her displeasure, but Tara gets an inverted atomic drop for the pin at 7:03. Good stuff. **3/4

Meanwhile, in OVW, Joseph Park continues training with Danny Davis, and takes an accidental shot to the nose from a new guy, transforming him into Abyss long enough to destroy the poor guy. MY NAME IS JOSEPH. Damn right it is.

TNA World Rageface title: Jeff Hardy v. Austin Aries

Hardy slugs away and Aries bails, but gets a cheapshot to take over. Hardy fights out of a suplex and clotheslines him out of the ring, but dives and hits the railing by mistake. And we take a break. Back with Aries choking him out while yelling at the idiot fans, and an elbowdrop gets two. He goes to the chinlock, but Hardy elbows out before Aries puts him down again. DIBIASE FISTDROP gets two. Aries slugs him down in the corner, but Hardy comes back with a headscissors before a flying splash hits knee. Aries tries the brainbuster, but Hardy reverses to a front suplex and makes the comeback. This time the splash hits and gets two. Jeff goes for the headscissors again, but Aries drops him on the top rope to block and takes over again. Dropkick into the corner gets two. Hardy hits him with an inverted powerbomb, but misses the whisper in the wind. Aries tries the brainbuster, but Jeff knees him on the way up to break, and hits the Twist Stunner. A second try is countered by Aries, but he goes up and misses, and the ref is bumped. Aries goes low and hits his brainbuster, but Bobby Roode takes out the replacement ref and then attacks Aries, allowing Hardy to finish with the Twist of Fate and swanton at 18:07. Not quite PPV quality, but it’s a free TV match so it’s fine. I guess they’re doing a three-way at the PPV. ***

Meanwhile, Bully Ray and Brooke are sucking face in the parking lot as Hulk awkwardly looks on. Could there be a less dynamic couple than Bully and Brooke?

The Pulse

Second hour was all good stuff, which makes this an easy thumbs up this week.

Comments

  1. "Could there be a less dynamic couple than Bully and Brooke?"


    Vickie and pretty much anyone she's fucked with on camera?

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  2. Edge and Vickie were fantastic together. And she is the reason people started caring about Ziggler.

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  3. "Could there be a less dynamic couple than Bully and Brooke?"


    I'm watching Friends on Nick at Nite right now; there's about 10 pairings from that show that I could probably list.

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  4. Vickie is amazing. One of the 10 best talents of this generation, no hyperbole. In a generation devoid of Heenans, Harts, Blassies and Albanos. she is the closest thing we've got to managerial greatness.

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  5. That OVW vignette is worth another look.. awesome..

    Also, can anyone tell me, is that the first time Jamin Olivencia has been on the show? Cuz that guy is friggin' money..

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  6. "Could there be a less dynamic couple than Bully and Brooke?"


    Shane Douglas and Johnny Ace?

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  7. Or John Cena & AJ...

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  8. Is this a Jamie Oliver cook ripoff? ;-)

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  9. So Vickie wins by default?

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  10. De-Fault, the two sweetest words in the English language!

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  11. The Bully Ray/Brooke angle and the Aces & Eights stuff has just killed TNA's momentum dead. I still watch the show because the wrestling is generally pretty good and Bad Influence are an essential part of my week but, man, thinking about the roll they were on when Aries won the belt and how much they've squandered it is a bit depressing.


    It's the classic "Be careful what you wish for" scenario: many of us want longer storylines that breathe and make sense (the antithesis to WWE's current booking, basically) - unfortunately TNA does this by having everything go on for ages with little to no development. Aces & Eights is beyond a joke now and I'm just begging that it's all over after the inevitable Lethal Lockdown match. And that's five months away! At the rate we're going, Lockdown will just be the point in the story where Wes & Garrett turn, before another five month lead-in to Kurt's big revenge match at Bound For Glory. Terrifying.



    At least with Aries, Roode, Hardy, Angle, Styles and Bad Influence at the top of the card, we're guaranteed good matches. It's just a shame that the bookers are crippling the show with shitty angles.

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  12. Not that Raw or Smackdown have been any better lately (and I've hardly watched much of Smackdown for that matter) but man, I really picked the right time to forget to record this show the last few weeks.

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  13. Aces & Eights -

    I'm guessing the angle keeps going since they haven't had luck in signing someone to pay off the angle yet. I have a feeling they are still trying to get Batista on board to be the leader. At this point if it were up to me I'd do anything in my power to get Alex Shelley to return as he'd fit story line wise, is great as a heel on the mic, and can go in the ring. Otherwise just get it over with already and fall onto the Jeff Jarrett backup plan. Yea no one wanted that, me included, but if it means progressing the story line I'm OK with it now. Maybe if they don't wanna do that offer Kevin Steen the world, he could definitely fill the role of evil group leader well even if he wouldn't be the best payoff for non-smart wrestling fans.

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  14. I took it we were supposed to know who Santa was but I didn't know who Santa was. Hate to betray my ignorance but can anyone tell me?

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  15. Kenny actually doing the peace sign before peacing out was a highlight. Let's just get him that X-Division belt now.

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  16. Clearly the payoff is going to be D-Lo Brown as Vice-President and Eric Bischoff as President and mastermind and they just think no one's figured it out yet. There's not going to be any big name revealed as the head guy.

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  17. I can't think of a much better tag feud than Bad Influence/Hell No right about now... Gold.

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  18. But yeh, Scott, you're right. Second hour was pretty good. First took a while to get going. D-Von matches tend to have that stifling effect..

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  19. Eh I hope they don't keep it that way, even Jarrett would be better than Bischoff.

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  20. Are they really gonna call the leaders of a supposed bad ass motorcycle gang Vice President and President?

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  21. Oh ho ho, ees funny because Scott inimitated Chandler and you are watching The Friends!

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  22. Last night was the 1st time in a long that that it struck me, "Yeah, TNA's kinda on the crappy end of things again." Hopefully things will pick up once they go live again.

    And seriously, get the belt off of Hardy. I don't hate the guy, and loved his anti-Christ gimmick, but when things were incredibly hot for the company, Aries, Roode, Bully Ray, Storm, Bad Influence, AJ, and Angle were clearly on top and not toiling in the mid-card. And let's not forget Joe in there, too.

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  23. Bad Influence might be the best act in wrestling. Hell No (the dynamic, not Bryan himself) got stale to me a few weeks ago, but Kazarian and Daniels seem to bring new entertaining things every week.

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  24. I was rooting for Devon to make this act work but man he just does not have it as a singles competitor. Which is too bad because I like the guy and I actually got an autograph from him back in 2002 when he was with the WWE.

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  25. Sons of Anarchy would say yes.

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  26. How come you typed that like you were Chekhov from Star Trek?

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  27. I think it's his first TNA appearance but i'm pretty sure he's appeared a job guy on WWE at some point. I have no idea why he never made it to the big leagues.

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  28. Male-female couple I'd say Maryse and Ted DiBiase Jr. have to be high up there.

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  29. D-Von has and always will suck. He should kiss Bully/Bubba/Mark's ass everyone morning when he gets up. "Testify!" is not mic skills, it is barely a catch phrase. He's attrocious in the ring unless it is a tag match or a brawl.

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  30. I wrote up a lengthy scenario on Caliber's forum about how AJ could save this angle. Basically, Aces recruits AJ because he's in a downward spiral. AJ accepts and Aces start bragging about having the crown jewel of TNA. They have a big ceremony to patch in AJ with Bischoff being revealed as president to do the honors. AJ accepts and immediately hit Eric with a Styles Clash and says he joined Aces to save TNA by destroying them from the inside, but he found them to be a group of hungry guys that just want a shot, so instead of destroying them, he's TAKING OVER.

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  31. Vicki lovers hate it cause it's true.

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  32. I had no problems with this week... the bad stuff wasn't truly horrible, and there's enough good to easily offset the bad.

    TFAFWTTCOTW (FAF=Former and Future)+ Santa + Storm was great, as was Mr. Park's session with Danny Davis. Roode interfering was kinda telegraphed, but still worked out. However:

    Are they really considering Roode for a face run? Sounded like the fans didn't have much of an issue cheering for him after he cost Aries. Just don't reunite Beer Money anytime soon, and I'd be fine with it. Not like he could do any worse (character) than good ole' Randy over in the E.

    Also, something that would have been nice: A+8 should NOT use a wooden gavel for meetings... USE THE DAMNED BALL PEEN HAMMER INSTEAD!

    (And to Sting's return: Meh.)

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  33. Daniels face when Santa asks him if he's been good was the highlight of the whole show.

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  34. I haven't been watching TNA lately but I just don't buy the idea of a young woman like Brooke Hogan finding a fat late thirties something Bully Ray attractive. There probably isn't much chemistry there, I am betting.

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  35. "Gavel" and "Left Hand" are how they usually say it though.

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  36. I've always said, D-Von feels like half of a tag team, not a whole wrestler. It's funny because in the earliest days he was in all the matches with the random Dudleys in ECW because he was the best worker of the bunch but at some point Bubba eclipsed him. He should've retired and focused on training when they finally split them up.

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