Skip to main content

Blog Topic: No Guts, No Glory - Royal Rumble 2013

Hey Scott,

Love the blog and its Simpson-savvy commentariat. Just thought I'd shoot you a topic for the blog, given that the Rumble is this Sunday. 

It's what I call a "No Guts, No Glory" predictions thread, which is, specifically, for bold/daring/ballsy predictions.

The "No Guts, No Glory" thread is where you can make the predictions that you just have a certain hunch about, but aren't willing to predict at any official capacity, whether it's because people will think you're out of your mind, or because you feel the prediction is just wishful thinking on your part (or whatever reason, really). 

The catch is, you only get three predictions. 

They can be in any order, no need to rank based by likelihood of the prediction actually happening.

Of course, there's no real point to this beyond bragging rights, but at least bragging rights here on more rewarding than they were on the PPV of the same name (trophy notwithstanding).

My guesses:

1)  John Morrison returns, fails to win the Rumble, but comes up with a spot where Kofi Kingston walks on his hands to avoid elimination and then Morrison actually balances on Kofi's feet after getting thrown out of the ring.

2)  The New Age Outlaws both enter the Rumble, somehow win the tag titles halfway through the match and then we all get bored with them by the 40 minute mark, at which point they break up again and WWE tries another singles push for Billy Gunn that lasts until the 45 minute mark of the match, when Gunn fails three simultaneous drug tests and gets fired.

3)  Zack Ryder becomes the first person to draw a negative number in the Rumble.

Comments

  1. The Sheild jumps Punk during the Rumble title match, Rock turns heel and is revealed as their leader, wins wwe title as a heel.

    Or

    Brock returns, jumps Rock, helps Punk retain to set up Brock/Rock 2 at WrestleMania.

    Or

    Cena loses Rumble first to a returning Undertaker, then Cena costs Rock his shot at the belt to set up Rock/Cena II. Punk retains to set up Punk/UT title v. streak. And also in the Rumble, Ryback eliminates a bunch of deadwood only to be dumped by Brock Lesnar illegally.

    ReplyDelete
  2. That Zack Ryder idea was great.

    ReplyDelete
  3. And really not all that impossible a prediction, given how his stock has fallen.

    ReplyDelete
  4. How would that work? He has to come out before the announcer even starts the match?


    Or they try and break Santino's record for shortest Rumble stay.

    ReplyDelete
  5. The Shield come out and instead lay out Punk allowing Rock to win the title, but they also beat down the Rock again after the match.


    During the Rumble at various points, the Shield come out and eliminate Orton, Sheamus, and Ryback to set up that WM 6 man match. John Cena eventually wins the Rumble.


    At WM, Cena defeats Rock for the title with the help of the Shield and turns heel, revealing himself to be behind them from the start.

    ReplyDelete
  6. It does strike me as odd that he hasn't caught a beat down from them yet.

    ReplyDelete
  7. My bold Rumble prediction? Dolph wins going coast to coast last eliminating John Cena. What? I can dream can't I?

    ReplyDelete
  8. 1) AJ Lee becomes only the fourth woman in history to compete in the Royal Rumble.

    2) WWE bucks expectations that Ziggler will be the journeyman, having Cena be the other opening entrant and having him eliminate Ziggler immediately (if, like 2006, the Rumble goes on before the world title matches, you could have a disgruntled Ziggler cash in later...but it would still be bullshit to get cheated out of a journeyman Ziggler performance).

    3) Yet another year will pass without the internet getting its wish of having the last two men in the ring before 30 eliminate each other, with number 30 simply waltzing in and winning by default (I really don't get why that's an idea so many people seem to want to see, at least in wrestling places I frequent. Although if they were going to do something like that, last year, during Jericho's "silent treatment", would have been the time to do it).

    ReplyDelete
  9. Only because that would require Cena to show weakness. And we can't have that.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I don't know if they will ever turn him and I honestly don't care either way. But if they are going to do it, this is perfect time with the perfect angle.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I think the craziness of my prediction takes up all three spots. Dolph Ziggler? Winning a MATCH!? NUTS!

    ReplyDelete
  12. I'mma russo this shit.

    1) Brock costs Rock the title.



    2) Brock costs Cena the Rumble.


    3) X-Pac is a surprise entrant.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Can't explain why but Brock seems sort of ideal for that role this year.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Alberto del Rio retains the title but Big Show punches him at the end so Ziggler cashes in and wins.
    Ziggler goes coast to coast and wins the Rumble.
    Will challenge for WWE Title at Wrestlemania with World Championship also on the line. Both titles are reunited at wrestlemania

    ReplyDelete
  15. 1. Mark Henry is one of the surprise entrants, eliminates Ryback and inducts him in to the Hall of Pain to set up a Wrestlemania feud between them.

    2. Rock loses to Punk earlier in the night but is a surprise entrant in the Rumble and winds up winning it.

    3. Despite being 63 years old, Bob Backlund is the token legend entrant. He eliminates Zack Ryder, because why not?

    ReplyDelete
  16. Punk retains.
    MVP returns.
    Rock gets booed.

    ReplyDelete
  17. The precedent from the Nexus feud is that he does get beaten down, but he gets to defeat all of them single handed before the end of the feud.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I think the past few weeks have shown they are trying to set a new precedent.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Upon entering, he has to immediately fling himself over the top rope. As he's walking up the ramp to the back, Eve makes a one shot appearance to punt him in the balls again.

    ReplyDelete
  20. exactly.. he doesn't even need to make contact with anyone.. and he's one of the only guys where it wouldn't feel cheap..

    ReplyDelete
  21. He comes out before the announcements and gets eliminated by Justin Roberts.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I think you meant to say Lillian Garcia.

    ReplyDelete
  23. 1. Rock wins the title. Rock vs Cena 2 is a big match, and I don't think the WWE wants The Rock looking weak in any way, or wrestling Cena at the next PPV in the elmination chamber.

    2. The winner of the Royal Rumble will face Del Rio at WM. Who will face The Rock at WM will be determine by the winner of the elimination chamber. This will be the selling point of that PPV.

    3. Brock Lesnar does not make an appearance.

    ReplyDelete
  24. - Shield interferes and attacks Punk during the title match on Sunday, disqualifying him, because technically their pursuit of justice during his matches have in fact, been an injustice on Punk's part.


    - Dolph Ziggler wins the Rumble as World Heavyweight Champion after cashing in on Del Rio.


    - Punk vs. Ziggler is the title match at Mania, all the gold on the line. Ziggler becomes Undisputed Champ.

    ReplyDelete
  25. 1. Jobber and Cultstatus trade the top commenters spot as nerds hang in the balance.


    2. The Fuj makes a suprise comment during the thread that gets downvoted at least 20 times.


    3. Caiber Winfred posts something stupid and someone makes a joke about cracked.

    ReplyDelete
  26. I gotta say after the first week of build I was really into Rock and I was on the fence as to who I wanted to win at the Rumble. But after the Rock concert, and Monday Night, I'm solidly rooting for Punk. That opening segment on Raw with Rock and the cops was brutal. Rock's capable of way better.

    ReplyDelete
  27. But all three of those make some degree of sense and the first two would lead to interesting matches.

    ReplyDelete
  28. I was hoping they'd get Backlund, even before they announced his HOF induction. But then, I was hoping for it last year too. I'm a total Backlund mark, if such a thing could be said to exist. So I hope you're right.

    ReplyDelete
  29. And an awesome email it was! Loving this thread.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Thanks! I'm glad people are talking. Who knows? Maybe someone will actually hit pay dirt with their prediction. Not that we're betting MONEY or anything....

    ReplyDelete
  31. 1. Punk will retain, only to lose the title to the Rock in a rematch on Raw.

    2. Daniel Bryan will have the longest run and eliminate Kane.

    3. HHH will be entrant #29.

    ReplyDelete
  32. 1. Entrant #1, Dolph Ziggler, and entrant #29, Hornswoggle, eliminate each other at the same time, leaving only #30 to stroll in and win it all. #30 of course is John Cena, and we get the Ultimate Cena Smirk.


    2. This moment closes out the PPV instead of Punk/Rock, because fuck you.


    3. I rekindle a relationship Jesus and thank him that I watched it all on a free live stream.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Ryder enters the ring and gets eliminated by tripping over a flat tire left there earlier by a returning Repo Man. Inanimate object < Justin Roberts, and Ryder has a history of jobbing to flat tires. Continuity~~!

    ReplyDelete
  34. I like all three a lot, risky yet very plausible.

    ReplyDelete
  35. 1. Ryder costs Rock the title.
    2. Ryder costs Cena the Rumble.
    3. Ryder fired after the show.

    ReplyDelete
  36. ... and would be as big as champion as Chris Jericho was 2001. IMO the next undisputed Champion must already be a really big star, so that the one who will finally beat him, will be even bigger.

    ReplyDelete
  37. AJ will be eliminated by Miz Demon Girl (who outweighs AJ by 30 pounds)

    ReplyDelete
  38. That Amazon shirt rules. Anyone know where I can get the same style, but with Fighter Hayabusa? He was always my guy, has every move PLUS the Back Brain Kick...which is a pure humiliation move when you hit it.

    ReplyDelete
  39. "Despite being 63 years old, Bob Backlund is the token legend entrant. He eliminates Zack Ryder, because why not?"


    Because Ryder fucking sucks, that's why.

    ReplyDelete
  40. 1. "Mr Wellness" Randy Orton wins the Rumble, unfortunately.

    2. Rock wins clean. Yeah, I'm really going out on a limb with that one...

    3. AFAIK, there's still 7 spots open in the Rumble. So I need 7 guys... Sean Waltman, Road Dogg, Billy Gunn, Shelton Benjamin, Tommy Dreamer, Booker T, and some random NXT guy. Bray Wyatt, I guess.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Didn't Cena lose his MITB match by DQ? Or did he just win by DQ?


    (The fact I can't recall something that happened in July... does that speak to the product, or am I becoming more of a "wrestling fan"?)

    ReplyDelete
  42. Cena won by DQ when Big Show attacked him during the match,

    ReplyDelete
  43. 1. Heidenreich returns, gets a massive pop, is eliminated by Little Jimmy.


    2. Shield attacks Paul Heyman, because of reasons.


    3. During the backstage drawing of Rumble entry numbers, Zack Ryder draws a Whammy. Complete with foghorn and guy in a red suit taunting him.

    ReplyDelete
  44. There's no such thing as free sex.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Every move? You must be confusing him with Great Puma...

    ReplyDelete
  46. Tru dat. If Zack Ryder appears at all, it should only be to quickly and convincingly put over Backlund, Santino, A.J., Hornswaggle, and the guy in the hand suit from the 1000th episode.

    ReplyDelete
  47. He did. On the go home show for TLC... it turned into a big melee but it started when they attacked Cena. Everyone seems to forget that.

    ReplyDelete
  48. 1. After Del Rio beats Big Show in the last man standing (which immediately proceeds the Rumble match) Big show remains unconscious in the ring... and after having his music hit as the #2 entry just decides to go into business for himself continues to lay in the middle of the ring an shoot says "You want to win? Pick me up and throw me out!"

    2. An entry somewhere in the teens comes up and Eddie Guerrero's music hits... Eddie comes out and says "I told you I was dead but... I LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIED!"

    3. And this one is REALLY unlikely... Zack Ryder wins and goes on to Main Event 'Mania

    ReplyDelete
  49. He did. n the go home RAW for TLC they came out and attacked him before it just turned into a big melee of everyone that was competing at TLC.

    ReplyDelete
  50. 1. bill fozzy misses the point of the post

    ReplyDelete
  51. The number 30 walks in thing would have in worked in 1999 for McMahon. Otherwise it is possibly the worst fantasy booking scenario ever described.

    ReplyDelete
  52. Poor Ryder. The only thing he should do is ride out the contract and get his ass to Japan. I think the Jersey shore thing would draw big there and he'd sell merch and possibly. POSSIBLY, learn how to work. Come back fresh in a few years.

    ReplyDelete
  53. Lesnar returns, cleans house and eliminates a bunch of people as the requisite 'big guy who clears deadwood from the ring'.

    Then HHH returns, eliminates Lesnar, and somehow by either Shield-ference or a faction in the ring, gets eliminated.HHH/Lesnar promptly overshadows everything else in the Rumble, and their match at WM gets placed higher than whoever actually won the Rumble.

    ReplyDelete
  54. HowmuchdoesthisguyweighJanuary 25, 2013 at 7:28 AM

    I think Henry would be elimanted by Ryback then Henry flips. Tosses Ryback after he is elimanted and does a number on him. Love the idea of Henry making his return

    ReplyDelete
  55. Also didn't she get her ankle broken by Haas running the ropes or something? I know it was turned into an angle b/t Haas and Viscera but I could've sworn it started off that she was legit hurt.

    ReplyDelete
  56. 1. Final Four in the Rumble are John Cena and the Shield. Cena takes out Rollins and Ambrose, but is eliminated by Reigns. Cena gets the chance to win back the title shot the next night on RAW because he's John Cena. The Shield gets effectively buried and all three of them are joke characters fighting 3MB in YouTube matches for the remainder of the year.

    2. Brock Lesnar returns and costs PUNK the WWE title - setting up Punk-Lesnar at WrestleMania

    3. The crowd overwhelmingly gets behind Ziggler in the Rumble, WWE ignores this and continues to job him to John Cena and Sheamus.

    ReplyDelete
  57. 1. "Hollywood" Hogan makes his triumphant return to the WWE, using the sound logic that "Hollywood" Hogan is a distinct entity from Hulk Hogan, but he is sadly eliminated by an interfering Terry Bollea.


    2. PAC makes his debut and avoids elimination by continuing to exist outside of gravity's memory. HHH runs down the aisle to immediately hold him down, Hogan's presence having reignited his desire to do as such, which causes his elimination.


    3. Zack Ryder wins the Royal Rumble after going in at #2 and eliminating every entrant but Hogan and PAC. Vince McMahon then informs Ryder "Don't look or it takes you", Ryder looks and Jack Slenderman wins the Royal Rumble.

    Not that we'll remember.

    ReplyDelete
  58. 1) Rock doesn't go over Punk. Cena costs Rock the match, finally pulling the trigger on the heel turn and setting up Rock/Cena 2 at Wrestlemania.


    2) Big Show goes over ADR, then Ricardo jumps on Big Show's back allowing the enzurgiri and beatdown from ADR, allowing Ziggler to finally cash in MITB.


    3) Rock comes down and eliminates Cena from the Rumble, allowing Ryback to win. Ryback immediately challenges Punk at Wrestlemania (but Punk will finally lose the title to Randy Orton at Elimination Chamber, setting up Orton's heel turn and match vs. Ryback, and allowing for Punk/Undertaker at Wrestlemana.


    Whew. Felt good to get those off my chest. Thanks for the judgement free fantasy booking zone, Scott.

    ReplyDelete
  59. Surprise entrant: Papa Shango.


    Not really, I know, but they reference him ALL THE DAMN TIME lately, especially on the web.

    ReplyDelete
  60. 1. Surprise Entrants: Paul Roma, New Jack, Ultimate Warrior, Damien Demento and Dennis Stamp.


    2. Team Hell No will try to hug every competitor in the Rumble.


    3. The Rumble match will not close the show.

    ReplyDelete
  61. Then he comes back through a loop hole in which it's revealed Linda McMahon(having given up here run for whatever she ran for) has resigned him and named him the new Raw GM.

    ReplyDelete
  62. 1) Mark Henry returns as a surprise entrant


    2) Dolph gets the iron-man push, getting a face turn from the crowd in the process. And not the garbage "iron man" run Miz and Rhodes got last year, where they laid around for 50 minutes and didn't do anything, then got quietly eliminated...a real run with at least 4 eliminations for Dolph.


    3) The Shield is allied with Cena, helping him win the Rumble and turning him heel in the process

    ReplyDelete
  63. Who were the three women to compete in the RR? Chyna, Drew Carrey and Beth Phoenix?

    ReplyDelete
  64. Not sure if you're making a joke or not, but just in case you aren't, Drew Carey isn't a woman.

    ReplyDelete
  65. The fuck you talking about? I've seen her show!!! Remember that little sitcom she had in the 90s? Bitch used to wear a freaking MUMU!

    ReplyDelete
  66. I loved Tharp idea for Jericho and his character, now there is no point

    ReplyDelete
  67. Who's less effective as a top line talent, Zack Ryder or Linda McMahon?

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment