The SmarK Rant for TNA Impact – 05.30.13
Taped from Tampa, FL
Your hosts are Todd Keneley, Mike Tenay & Taz
Aces & Eights talk about AJ Styles backstage, and D-Lo lips off to Mr. Anderson one time too many and gets laid out as a result. This brings Bully & Devon to the ring for some PPV hard sell, as Bully lists all the guys that Sting has beaten to be declared a legend, and we’re on with the tag match.
Bully Ray & Devon v. Sting & Joseph Park
They all brawl on the floor immediately and do some walk-and-punch stuff around the ring, leading to a showdown with Sting and Bully in the ring. They collide and we take a break. Back with Devon choking Park out on the ropes, but he comes back with a hiptoss and goes up. Bully uses the CALVES OF DOOM to bring him down, however, and the Aces work him over in the corner. Bully drops an elbow for two, and Devon drops a leg and mocks Hogan’s posing. Thankfully he didn’t pantomime a radiator explosion because I know I would have been like “Too soon, dude!” Bully with a nice standing dropkick, but the heels collide and it’s hot tag Sting. He quickly hooks the Scorpion on Devon, but Park tries his own on Bully and gets shoved into Sting as a result. Sting goes it alone, but misses the splash on Bully, and 2D follows. Park looks to take Wazzup, but Abyss apparently interrupts, and Sting pins a distracted Devon with the deathdrop at 13:19. Pretty lethargic stuff, although not bad or anything. **
Dixie Carter is out to announce that they’ll announce the newest Hall of Famer at the PPV, and she hopes Sting wins. This brings out Aces & Eights for their third straight segment this week, but Joe & Magnus quickly save and we’re on.
Samoa Joe v. Garrett Bischoff
This goes about as you’d expect and we take a break. Back with Magnus getting mugged on the outside, but Joe hits all three Aces with a dive and that’s a DQ. So literally the entire body of the match was cut? Joe announces a six-man for the PPV with Brischoff & Doc against Joe, Magnus and Jeff Hardy.
Bad Influence & The Dirty Heels v. Gunstorm & Chavo Guerrero & Hernandez
Gunner pounds away on Kaz and suddenly all the heels claim back injuries and retreat. Roode steps in and quickly takes over with a heat segment on Chavo that’s about as exciting as anything else Chavo has been involved in, but he comes back and brings Hernandez in. The heels all bump for him like he was Dustin Rhodes in 1991 and a backbreaker gets two on Roode. Finally he gets caught in the corner by an Aries dropkick, but the brainbuster is reversed and it’s over to Gunner. The torture rack (waterboard?) finishes at 9:13. Did they really give this poor goof that finisher in 2013? This was fine. **1/2 Just goes to show that even if someone isn’t a big deal, bringing them in and treating them like one can make them one. Won’t work with Gunner, but I admire the attempt.
Meanwhile, Bully Ray declares that NOW it’s really war with Impact. And he wants victims tonight. Or else.
Mickie James is out to chastise fans for thinking badly of her title win, but Velvet Sky would really like a rematch. Mickie can’t do that for her, and Gail Kim comes out and would also like a title match, laying out Velvet to make that point. This leads to…
Kenny King & Gail Kim v. Chris Sabin & Taryn Terrell
This has 14 car pileup written all over it. Taryn hits Kim with a neckbreaker and slugs away in the corner, then suplexes her in from the apron and hits a flying bodypress for two. Over to the men, as Sabin controls King with armdrags, but King comes back with a high kick for two. Spinkick gets two as Taz speculates that ODB might be drunk. Sabin comes back with a doctorbomb variation for two, and the women get into a footrace. This leads to Taryn spearing Gail, while Sabin finishes King with the Cradle Shock at 4:57. Wisely, this was mostly the men. **
AJ Styles v. Mr. Anderson
AJ wins a slugfest to start and punts Anderson in the ribs, and a suplex gets two. AJ pounds him in the corner, but Anderson gets a cheapshot and stomps him down. AJ comes back and baseball slides him out of the ring, and we take a break. Back with a fight on the apron, and Anderson DDTs him there to take over. Back in, that gets two. We get a lengthy armbar from Anderson, until AJ gets fired up and makes the comeback with a clothesline. AJ with a splash for two. He goes for a tornado DDT, but Anderson blocks him with the Lambeau Leap for two. AJ hangs him in the Tree of Woe and follows with a dropkick to the face, and Kurt Angle runs in for the DQ at 14:18. Pretty decent match that of course ended up going nowhere. ** A big brawl erupts, leaving us with Bully and Sting slugging it out until the Aces lay him out to end the show.
The Pulse
This was a yawner, literally, as I was struggling to stay awake by the end, and I wasn’t even particularly tired beforehand. This AJ thing…I dunno. It’s not doing anything for me, and doesn’t appear to be doing anything for the crowd or himself, either. Tweeners only work in Vince Russo’s imagination.
Jesus Christ, James Storm actually says that Gunner has killed people in real life in a promo for an incidental match? Just plain crass, dude.
ReplyDeleteScott was on fire during that eight-man tag segment..."Dustin Rhodes in 1991"...Gunstorm...Water Board...That's priceless stuff...
ReplyDeleteStyles just doesn't work as anything other than a pure babyface.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I think that was a little over the top..
ReplyDeleteYou know, at the start of Aces and 8s, and that Samoa Joe vs. Austin Aires match, I feel that created a little buzz, and moved the meter on people who may wanna check it out, if they enjoy the product. Then, like always, they kind of farted away the buzz before buzz turned into viewers turned into momentum. I like Bully Ray is champion and the Aces and 8s leader, but it took to long to get there, and I really could not care less.
ReplyDeleteNo way, Styles was awesome as a heel being managed by Ric Flair. He was a billion times more interesting than boring ass whitebread AJ.
ReplyDeleteLet's just be thankful he didn't say he fucked the person after he killed them. But let's be honest, what main eventer of a national wrestling company would say such a thing on a national televised program? And what kind of moronic boss would allow it?
ReplyDeleteShouldn't one of the main draws of the PPV be that we get to see AJ wrestle since we haven't seen him in the ring for a long time? It'd be like Undertaker having a competitive match a week before Wrestlemania.
ReplyDeleteThe reason that the AJ thing isn't working is very simple. It's AJ. Lets be honest. On the list of Indy darlings from 10 years ago, he has arguably gotten the second most opportunity and has done fuck all with it. The guy is just a dumb cracker with anti-charisma. His only selling point is 'he's been here a long time'. Ares, Danielson, Daniels, Punk, Low-Ki, Joe are all a million times more interesting in just about every conceivable way.
ReplyDeleteI...I agree AJ isnt as good as any of those guys(well maybe minus low-ki)
ReplyDeleteAs far as charisma goes, he makes Wes Brisco look like Hulk Hogan in 1985. However, as far as in-ring ability is concerned, he's as good or better than any of his peers, IMO. All he needs is someone to talk for him and a storyline that doesn't eat donkey dick, and he'll be all set.
ReplyDelete2005 era AJ was awesome. Babyface spot monkey. All good.
ReplyDeleteKi has way more in-ring presence and charisma than AJ.
ReplyDeleteSo he's basically x-division champ or roh champ level. I won't dispute that.
ReplyDeleteKi is also lacking in the selling department
ReplyDeleteGlad to see Taz shout out my childhood wrestling hero Dropkick Johnson.
ReplyDeleteI agree with all of this. The guy is an in-ring workhorse but there's nothing that makes him special in the ring or out of it like the other indie guys who came up in that era.
ReplyDeleteI've never been a regular TNA viewer but there have been periods of time when my interest was piqued. AJ was never why my interest was ever piqued. Aries and Roode last year? Big time. Joe? No doubt, hadn't ever seen anything quite like him before.
I've probably watched two dozen AJ matches and umpteen more segments of his in TNA, and I can barely recall any of them.
Low Ki doesn't have to sell.
ReplyDeleteHe does for The Undertaker.
ReplyDeleteLow Ki doesn't think he has to sell for anyone. He always said, it's not about the size of the dog in the fight but the size of the fight in the dog. And let's be honest, Low Ki has more fight in him than any other wrestler in the history of the sport, including the Undertaker. Low Ki will be the first to tell you that.
ReplyDeleteThat was an underwhelming show, honestly the lamest one in a while. On the plus side, it was just kinda boring rather than something that would make me ashamed to be a fan. That's all I ask from bad episodes.
ReplyDeleteFrom the on and off spurts I've watched TNA over the years, I'd pretty much agree with this. AJ Styles has never been able to get me to care about anything he's doing. I mean, I get that he's really good in the ring, not taking that away—— but yeah, he just has anti-charisma. Or if that sounds too strong (maybe it is), I definitely don't think he has teh charisma to pull off this level of push.
ReplyDeleteIf they had gone with Joe in this exact same role, I bet it'd be over huge. AJ Styles as the silent maniac killer just seems beyond forced. A for effort though.
Checked out some of the main event, what a boring match, not helped by a dead crowd.
ReplyDeleteAJ Styles, or a family member of his is downvoting all of our AJ hate.
ReplyDeleteHe had a great match with Danielson in ROH early on. But I give 3/4 of the credit to BD for his arrogant heel persona.
ReplyDeleteHe had a great match with Danielson in ROH early on. But I give 3/4 of the credit to BD for his arrogant heel persona
ReplyDeleteSpeaking as someone that's sat in two soldout wembley arena shows, where he received some of the biggest pops of the night and had the the entire crowd singing his "you are you are iam iam" after his music stopped I can pretty much call ultimate bullshit on AJ not being able to get anyone to care
ReplyDeleteHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.
ReplyDeleteSeriously? Being am unprofessional Dick who won't sell makes you a better wrestler? I don't Give a shit about his real fighting experience--part of WRESTLING is making your opponent look good
I don't agree that AJ has no charisma or people don't care about him or things he's involved in, but this isn't the role for him. This should be Joe. Joe was the ultimate heel in the promotion getting cheered for being a badass (he's friends with Punk IRL ferchrissakes) and is tailor made for this kind of one-man-army role. AJ should be leading the troops along with Angle while Joe plays everyone as the loner. It would also differentiate this angle a bit more from the original nWo because we all knew Sting was going to be the hero from the very begining, like AJ...with Joe the lines blur a bit more. But Dixie has a crush on AJ or something, so as per usual with wrestling, logic gives way to personal agendas.
ReplyDeleteAgain, I'm not speaking as an expert on his entire career. But as a lifelong wrestling fan who desperately has wanted a viable alternative to JUST WWE, I personally have never seen anything in AJ Styles in TNA that has really hooked me. Samoa Joe during the time of his undefeated streak and the Kurt Angle feud? That had me interested. James Storm and Robert Roode and Austin Aries last year, before they fucked things up with BFG? Those guys intrigued me. But AJ Styles? Eh.
ReplyDeleteBut that aside, the main thing for me is this particular role feels like a bad fit for AJ. I can buy him as the working class TNA lifer everyman. But I don't buy him as Crow 2013.
What's wrong with the Torture Rack?
ReplyDeletehe's friends with Punk IRL ferchrissakes
ReplyDeleteAnd?
Yeah I was just going to post that. Its a really cool looking finisher. Wwe should have gave it to ryback. IMO it was one of the most over late 90's wcw finishers
ReplyDeleteI've... I've upvoted you twice in one thread... *sigh* I miss evil dougie
ReplyDeleteRoad warriors made a nice career out of that attitude but hawkand animal had a little more charisma than low ki
ReplyDeleteAlso about a foot in the height department.
ReplyDeleteAsk Lex Lugar's spine what's wrong with the Torture Rack.
ReplyDeleteOr people recognize you're nuts and he's a hell of a pro wrestler.
ReplyDeleteIf you really want to sell a guy's brute strength, there's no better move.
ReplyDeleteI'm not nuts for thinking that match with Anderson last night was boring as shit. Which is all I said.
ReplyDeleteSo is Luke Gallows. Wait, that doesn't help.
ReplyDeletePerhaps AJ can enroll at the Magnum TA Face Academy, a place that is not real but I would like several guys to attend (see Del Rio, A., Heamus, S.)
ReplyDeletePark and Storm are the two over faces in the company, which is a problem because Park logically can't beat A&8 and Storm isn't being used in that role.
Gunstorm is an ok name but you're missing the obvious, BoD inspired nickname for Gunner and Stoem: Beard Money!
ReplyDeleteAJ just doesn't work as the serious, badass character. He looks like the dude from the OC with that haircut and leather jacket.
ReplyDeleteThe only time I've enjoyed him as a character was when he played the goof-ball with Christian. They've tried doing an angle about him being poor growing up. They had him "finally" win the TNA Championship and be the champion of a new era although he'd been there for six years and held the title before at that point. They had him try to be the smooth Ric Flair style heel. They've had him in some type of affair with Dixie, which turned out to be them harboring a drug addict, which turned into the drug addict claiming an affair with AJ. Now they're turning him into a loner badass. They're all over the place with him and I don't think he's capable of pulling off 90% of what they try with him.
And that's...cool?
ReplyDeleteObviously I bring up his connection to the current king of the tweener status, wether on purpose by role or via eliciting favorable crowd response even as a heel for being so entertaining.
Crack kills.
ReplyDeletePut the pipe down Caliber, it's okay, you're among friends.
I think AJ is one of the best in-ring babyfaces of all time.
ReplyDeleteYeah he isn't much out of the ring, but his timing and comebacks are perfect for a babyface. He's not the next Hulk Hogan, but he does have something.
Agreed.
ReplyDeleteAJ is the dorky babyface. He is not the silent killer.
Joe has always been a bit heelish and he does it with aplomb. AJ...doesn't do that.
As I said, AJ is the homegrown whitemeat babyface.
ReplyDeleteNot every wrestler needs to or should be Stone Cold. There is a place for the Steamboats and the Stings.
He needs a a partner with charisma. I've always felt AJ was built for epic tag-team matches.
ReplyDeleteYou really thought my post was serious?
ReplyDeleteHe can do singles fine.
ReplyDeleteSee, the deal is, faces don't NEED to be the super charismatic mega-star that draws you to the arena. He's a guy you can root for without any qualms or misgivings. He isn't a douchebag Cena face, he's not Austin, he's the reletable everyman face.
Let his opponents be the crazy, over the top gimmicks. He's the "right path", the hardworker with natural talent and honesty.
Hulk Hogan has really fucked with the whole face dynamic in wrestling.
Let the heels be crazy and the faces be sane/normal.
I always thought it looked terrible when Lex did it, it just looked really loose I guess.
ReplyDeleteAnd the "not being a total dick" department.
ReplyDeleteIs it OK if I ween down with cocaine?
ReplyDeleteONLY THE MONEY PART BELONGS TO ROODE. SHOULD BE BEER BEARD IMO
ReplyDeleteOnly if its down off the ass of a stripper.
ReplyDeleteHe reminds me of the 'Superman Earth One' book where Clark Kent wears the hoodie.
ReplyDeleteWhat he needs is an interview like Bully Ray had to explain why he's a loner, emo and looking like a roadie for Pearl Jam.
Yeah I did, sorry if it wasn't but I DO see people saying that kinda shit seriously all the time. Most of those people are Davey Richards marks
ReplyDeletelol davey richards. he's so cereal at pro wrestling
ReplyDeleteWell, he DID have the World title for a month in 2005 before Raven won it. Again, more fun times. TNA hit their peak in the summer of 05.
ReplyDelete