The SmarK RAW Rant – 05.13.13
Ding dong, the Leafs are gone after choking in SPECTACULAR fashion, and all is right with the world again.
Work continues on the magnum opus that is the Coliseum Video Rant Kindle book, as I’ve been adding 2013 Scott sez comments to everything and I’m up through about rant #7 now with another 22 to go, plus a couple of bonus rants thrown in for fun. Suffice it to say, there will be a LOT of new content for your amusement, and it’s been fun going back and reading the old stuff again and seeing how drastically my writing style evolved.
Live from Tulsa, OK, which is apparently important enough to be mentioned.
Your hosts are Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler & JBL
DANCE OFF: Fandango v. Chris Jericho
Isn’t this more like a third hour bathroom break segment? Summer Rae is back, which is bad because she’s noticeably weaker as a dancer than his other eye candy. So of course this doesn’t happen, as they cut promos on each other before Fandango starts his routine and abruptly ends it due to Summer injuring herself. Jericho is concerned as a babyface, and Fandango attacks him and lays him out with a piece of the dance floor. Something something wiping the floor with him, I dunno. This was all pretty boring as a way to open the show. Luckily, Summer Rae was just faking the injury. Whew. I don’t think the show could have survived another week without her. This trainwreck took almost THIRTY MINUTES. That’s, like, 300 WWE app plugs worth of time!
Zack Ryder v. Ryback
Shellshock at 1:00. DUD
Brodus Clay & Tensai v. The Primetime Players
Tensai hits Young with a somersault in the corner, but Titus gets some shots in and barks. Over to Brodus, who throws him around and follows with a corner splash, but Titus rolls him up for the upset at 1:30. Replay shows that Young used the HAIRPICK OF DOOM to secure the cheap win. White John Cena would never do such a thing. DUD
Teddy Long is out to announce that Dolph Ziggler is out of the PPV due to his concussion, but he’s still the champion. So instead, it’s Swagger v. ADR in an I Quit match for the #1 contendership. Big E comes out to protest, and gets booked against either Swagger or ADR tonight, depending on who the fans vote for. This all went over like a fart in church, and given that ADR has already tapped Swagger out a bunch of times, there’s not much suspense about him winning again.
Kofi Kingston v. Damien Sandow
Apparently Dean Ambrose challenges for the US title at the PPV, which is a fate I wouldn’t wish on someone who they want to push. On the bright side, that will at least make the useless US title into something closer to a main event belt. Kofi gets a quick rollup for two, but Sandow throws knees to set up the ELBOW OF DISDAIN for two. Into the abdominal stretch, and I’m disappointed that he doesn’t hook the leg in honor of Gorilla Monsoon. Kofi escapes that devastating hold while the announcers talk about Kofi’s comic collection, but misses a flying bodypress and Sandow gets two off a neckbreaker. Trouble in Paradise finishes at 2:30. Match of the night thus far. *
Mark Henry is out to talk about his strap match and demonstrate on Josh Matthews. That’s only gonna make him an even bigger babyface. So Henry talks and talks, and then Sheamus comes out and talks and talks, and Henry finally coaxes him into the ring, where Sheamus gives him one shot and Henry runs away. I have no idea what is going on with the character at this point, as the stuff from Smackdown and in the past few weeks made Henry out to be a sympathetic babyface and here he was suddenly a big talking cowardly heel again.
Antonio Cesaro v. Randy Orton
Wasn’t this just on Main Event? Why hype those matches and then just immediately rematch them on RAW? Orton stomps Cesaro down as the announcers encourage us to install the WWE app and watch Big Show in the locker room while this match is going on. I couldn’t even make this stuff up if I tried. Cesaro with an uppercut for two and he hits the chinlock, but Orton escapes with a suplex and makes the comeback. Draping DDT is countered into a rollup for two, but the RKO finishes as usual at 3:10. So much for Cesaro’s renewed push. *1/2
Heath Slater v. The Miz
Miz with a knee and low kick to set up the corner clothesline, and a sunset flip gets two. The double neckbreaker gets two, but some 3MB interference allows Slater to turn the tide. Neckbreaker gets two and Slater goes to the headlock, but Miz comes back with the clothesline and double axehandle as this WWE app shilling is getting REALLY obnoxious, even by their standards. Miz slugs away on the top and sends Slater into the other band members, and finishes with the figure-four at 4:08. Just a match. *1/2
The Shield v. Daniel Bryan, Kane & John Cena
Bryan throws the kicks on Ambrose in the corner and ties him up on the mat, but it’s over to Rollins, and he quickly gets dominated by Cena. And we take a break, but FEAR NOT, if you’ve downloaded the app you can watch it there. SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT THE FUCKING APP ALREADY. Back, for those of us old fogies watching on our old-fashioned “television sets”, with the Shield working Bryan over in the corner, and yes, APP APP APP APP APP. The Shield does some nice triple-teaming of Bryan and Rollins goes to the chinlock, and Ambrose drops an elbow for two. Finally it’s hot tag Kane and he sideslams Ambrose and DDTs him for two. Chokeslam is stopped by Rollins, but Kane beats on the Shield outside and gets counted out or disqualified or something at 13:00. And we take ANOTHER break and return with Reigns beating on Cena, and Rollins comes off the top with a punt for two. Rollins with a sleeper, but Cena RISES ABOVE AIRWAY OBSTRUCTION and brings Bryan in. Suicide dive for Reigns and he goes up with a missile dropkick on Rollins for two. People remain massively into Bryan’s near-falls and he keeps losing anyway. Bryan fights off multiple guys, but walks into a high kick and Ambrose finishes him with the bulldog DDT at 22:00. So that leaves Cena alone, odds against him, a lone wolf looking for his pack, back against the wall, in the seventh game of the series and staring down the Shield, trying not to choke like the Leafs in overtime. Cena makes his first comeback against Rollins and eliminates him at 24:00, then the ref DQs Reigns at 24:10 for SHOVING THE REF, but he spears Cena and Ambrose gets two. So that leaves Ambrose alone, but the other Shield guys run back in for the DQ at 25:00, and yes, the Shield’s undefeated streak is over, on FREE TV, by DISQUALIFICATION, with all three guys getting beat single-handedly by John Cena. Oh my fucking god you have got to be kidding me with this shit. Thankfully Ryback beats him up a bit afterwards, but still, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? **1/2
Big E Langston v. Jack Swagger
Yes, Swagger actually won a fan vote over supposed top babyface Alberto Del Rio. So yeah, this happens, and we take a break and it astonishingly continues happening and fuck if I care at this point. They fight outside, and Big E gets counted out at 10:41. Really building some momentum for Swagger there. ADR storms in and cleans house, no one cares, least of all me.
AJ Lee v. Natalya
This show just keeps going. Meanwhile, on commentary, Kaitlyn gets a mystery gift in a dollar store gift bag. Nattie beats on AJ for a while, but AJ suddenly swings into a flying armbar for the submission at 3:16. I’m shocked it wasn’t a rollup after distraction.
MAIN EVENT FACE TO FACE CONFRONTATION IN A CAGE: HHH v. Brock Lesnar
So of course HHH gets a 20 minute talking segment on the go-home show. Apparently this feud is so intense that they’re now using words like HATE. Ooo, hide the kiddies. Brock comes out for his rebuttal and wants to leave, but HHH TALKS SOME MORE and Brock wants to come down there and fight. Four referees immediately try to block him, because god knows a cage on RAW is neither the time nor place for engaging in a professional wrestling match. Brock somehow manages to evade the pack of wild refs and comes in to suplex HHH, but our hero comes back and tosses Brock into the door and out of the cage. Which, by the way, would give Brock the win were this a real cage match and not just a test of the Emergency Cage Match System. Man, John Cena beating Brock last year has NOTHING on this feud for destroying the mystique of Brock. What an epic waste of Lesnar.
Wow I saved myself three hours. Thank you!ReplyDelete
This company pisses money like a racehorse, and smells like the aftermath of being put out to stud to boot. Why even bother at this point?ReplyDelete
I think Scott is getting too pissed to review anymore.ReplyDelete
The Shield lost huh? Sounds very similar to what happened to Nexus at Summerslam 2010.ReplyDelete
And Ambrose is challenging for the US title? They is done.
Holy fuck - they jobbed the Shield on free TV to jorts and smiles? Is it breast cancer awareness week again?ReplyDelete
Something is wrong if #WWEisBoring isn't trending by now.ReplyDelete
Shield losing, even by DQ, has reduced my interest in Raw to reading reviews instead of trying to watch. Blah.ReplyDelete
I'd be in a pissy mood if the big heel stable got jobbed on FREE TV!ReplyDelete
Oh I don't blame him for being pissed, I am too, I'm just saying I don't think it's safe for his health to keep doing this to himself.ReplyDelete
Dq loss and a beatdown of cena after the match isn't the end of the world for the shield, esp if they get the us and tag team titles at extreme rulesReplyDelete
Glad I watched the Leafs/Boston game and some of the Rangers/Capitals game, because Raw sounded horrible, and yeah, what a major choke job by the Leafs, here's hoping my Pittsburgh Penguins don't choke like that.ReplyDelete
It's weird. When @TNACreative and I began the #WWEisBoring thing on April Fool's Day, we got it trending with far less support than what I've seen the last two weeks, whereas it hasn't trended at all since 4/1. However, #WWE trended, and I'm thinking anything with #WWE that's tweeted (#WWECena? #WWEApp?) is all overriden and counted as "#WWE".ReplyDelete
Next week, we should shoot for #FuckWWE
http://www.wrestlecrap.com/eventcenter/the-meme-event-wwe-monday-night-raw-51313/ The show in memes, my service to anyone that doesn't wanna watch, and in case SK gets too depressed to review.ReplyDelete
Scott Keith is just so cute the way he thinks that Ambrose winning the US title would elevate the title to main event status when the guy does a job later on in the show.ReplyDelete
The more boring the RAWs become, the more entertaining the Rants become. And vice versa. It all averages out...and that's why we come back week after week after week after week after week after....ReplyDelete
I haven't watched since the Raw after Wrestlemania and going from reports like these, I doubt I'll be back anytime soon. On top of the 3 hours being an unbearable length, the booking is just atrocious. I'd say WWE jobbing Shield (I just actually started mistyping "Nexus") to Cena by DQ, for free, in a throwaway TV match was WCW-like but, really, it's just like WWE in 2010. Realistically, The Shield should barely be wrestling (especially as a team) on free TV, let alone losing.ReplyDelete
What a crappy candle.
Wait a minute, Scott. Are you saying that WWE fucked up a super-hot angle, character, or group and wasted it?ReplyDelete
Psh. They NEVER do that.
If Vokoun can keep up his solid goaltending, we should be in good shape.ReplyDelete
Tonight's Bruins/Leafs game reminds me why I'm baffled fans leave early. Think those fans who ducked out early with five minutes left wished they stayed?ReplyDelete
As a Dodger fan, one of the best shots of the famous Kirk Gibson home run is all the car lights moving in the parking lot; all those fans missed out seeing one of the most iconic moments in sports history. Besides, you planned on being there all game, just stick around, mofos!
It kinda flies under the radar, but these shows so badly need a Jim Ross or a Gorilla Monsoon to carry the nonsense to a level of respectability.ReplyDelete
I think Jim Ross has earned a respite from having to sit for three hours at ringside for this shit.ReplyDelete
If he made it through WCW and HHH's Reign of Terror, he can make it through this....I think.ReplyDelete
I'll watch Raw again if they get Jack Edwards (Boston Bruins announcer) to replace Cole.ReplyDelete
To be completely honest my original thought process was that the only thing that could've gotten me through this episode without switching to the NBA playoffs was Gorilla Monsoon and a capable partner to play off of.ReplyDelete
I threw Ross in there as I'm watching this Pedro Morales 'Hall of Fame' show on Classics, and Ross' commentary is just so money.
Hey, when it was Cena vs the Shield, I was expecting Cena to tap them all out -- so a DQ finish isn't half bad in hindsight. Still a highly retarded finish though.ReplyDelete
The odds of something like that happening are maybe one in a hundred. Assume you save two hours by bolting early. Is being there for that special moment really worth two hundred hours of your time?ReplyDelete
Not worried about Vokoun, worried about if they go with Fleury, which is definitely not 100% his fault, either, because our defence can be shitty at times.ReplyDelete
Yeah, because eliminating both of The Tag Team Champions and only having a single member of their team eliminated cleanly before sticking together WHICH THEY'VE DONE IN EVERY SINGLE MATCH BEFOREHAND in order to protect their third member from losing cleanly to The WWE Champion after 25 fucking minutes is a TRAVESTY. TRAVESTY I TELLS YA.ReplyDelete
He was younger then.ReplyDelete
I liken it to something Matt Hardy once said, where every wrestler has a figurative "bump card" in his career, in that he only has a set number of bumps he can take before he's essentially done. Any bumps taken past that initial amount will only worsen the person's health and hasten their physical deterioration -- hence, workers need to be smart about the bumps they take, since they only have a set number they can safely take before their body just can't take it anymore.
What I'm saying is, if Scott hadn't got his "reviewer's bump card" punched long before Raw moved to three hours, then these dire shows pretty much mean he's on borrowed time. Because you can only watch so much shitty wrestling in one lifetime.
How did you come up with this from what Scott wrote?ReplyDelete
Any chance that Brock has in his contract a select few that he will work with? Seems odd that they would basically use him this long just to be Paul's plaything...ReplyDelete
Why did they even make the match in the first place?ReplyDelete
Because the rest of the show was garbage?ReplyDelete
I fail to understand why everyone's getting their panties twisted over the Shield loss. Cena only actually got a proper fall on one of them (poor Rollins, of course), they collectively made the CONSCIOUS decision that they didn't care about the win or loss in order to beatdown and 3XPOWER Cena again (it's at least the fourth or fifth time Cena's been on the wrong end of one of their beatings now), and everyone will have forgotten they lost this match by the end of the PPV Sunday when 3 Shield members will be holding 3 belts up. And getting a loss on paper for them will probably HELP THEM OUT in the long run, because they'll be able to firmly establish where there are moments where the Shield doesn't care about the outcome and will take a strategic loss on paper to make a larger point, which will only make it more meaningful when some team finally truly beats them at their own game (if that indeed ever happens).ReplyDelete
Get some perspective and don't let your irrational and unjustified hatred for Cena (in a lot of your cases) cloud your judgment.
If you didn't expect The Shield to end up job boy bitches to Cena at some point, you're either watching a different show or on some good drugs.ReplyDelete
"WITH THE POINT OF THE DAGGER AT THEIR THROATS, THEY RIP IT OUT OF TORONTO'S HANDS AND KILL THE BEAST!!"ReplyDelete
Don't ever be too cool to love Jack Edwards.
Or they could just have not booked the match in the first place. Either way, I guess.ReplyDelete
His point was that they are better of FOR booking this match.ReplyDelete
Or further to that, they could have booked the match and not made it elimination rules, thereby allowing them to do the usual finish of Daniel Bryan doing the job and thus Super Cena not having to lose.ReplyDelete
Yeah, that wasn't a very good point.ReplyDelete
Triple H just doesn't want Brock beating the crap out ofhhis talents like he did to Cena.ReplyDelete
Social media is great for communicating a message, but the problem is that WWE and too many people/organizations don't have a message other than "we're using social media." If you have nothing to say then say nothing!ReplyDelete
"Which, by the way, would give Brock the win were this a real cage match and not just a test of the Emergency Cage Match System."ReplyDelete
Yeah, you're right. The prestigious US and tag titles should take the sting off losing 3-on-1.ReplyDelete
I feel like this needs to become a new blog meme. Like "they're telling stories", and "let it play out, and see where it goes." I keep reading this from the WWE apologists on here. "And no one will even remember this once..."
Except the entire fucking product is a series of moments that we're not supposed to remember once that awesome thing finally happens this one time.
Cena is stronger for winning. The Shield are stronger for beating Team Hell No and beating down The Shield. Kane was protected with the DQ. Daniel Bryan is bulletproof.ReplyDelete
That match was GOOD BOOKING!
Scott, aren't you a Canucks fan?ReplyDelete
If you're going to get on his case, do so over using the word "belts" instead of "championships".ReplyDelete
YES! Sure, 99 times out of 100, a miracle may not happen...but all it takes is one of them to make it all fucking worth it. I was at the Dodger game where they were down 4 against Trevor Hoffman (when he was still Trevor Hoffman) and went back-to-back-to-back-to-back HRs, which was amazing in itself, then when San Diego took back the lead in the 10th, Nomar hit a two-run jack in the bottom half to walk it off. Did that make up for every 5-1, 7-2, 10-3 loss I've sat through start to finish at Chavez Ravine? Damn right it was, and that pales in comparison to what the Boston fans were witnessing tonight.ReplyDelete
Put yourself in their shoes. You're down 4-1 with 16 min to go. Or even tonight's Bulls/Heat game, why stick around when your team is playing horribly and down 20? The odds of a fan missing something incredible is slim.ReplyDelete
I'm Canadian and thus hate the Leafs, regardless of my team affiliation.ReplyDelete
You lie. There has never been four consecutive homers hit in an MLB game.ReplyDelete
When did Toronto secede from Canada?ReplyDelete
Canucks fan or not.ReplyDelete
Thanks for the 1 week break.
I actually agree.ReplyDelete
I mean, if you're going to make wins and loses not matter. Make wins and loses not matter at all.
It's old school Shield shit, they don't care about DQs, they beat Cena like a redheaded step-child. They made their point.
The Shield will lose when they get out-played.
See, I've seen enough quick comebacks in hockey where even a 3-goal lead isn't insurmountable, so I can't back that theory in regards to the Bruins game.ReplyDelete
It's a little different with the Bulls; I'd stick around for support. It'd be one thing if they were full strength and getting blown out of the building with an effortless game (like when they were demolished in Sacramento earlier this year), but that's not the case here. They're just too outgunned and overmatched with their injury situation, just being out of gas, and the quality of opponent; as Cole would say, the numbers game has caught up to them. Since it's pretty likely this is the last home game of the year for the Bulls, I'd would've stuck around and gave them a nice ovation at the end of stitching together a knockout of Brooklyn and stealing a game from Miami without seemingly half their roster, including their two best. They had a good run this year despite no Rose. Now, if this was a January regular season game, then take off if it's a listless game, but the Bulls definitely deserved a little home support for what they accomplished.
It's happened four times, the latest coming at Dodger Stadium, Sept 18, 2006: http://scores.espn.go.com/mlb/recap?gameId=260918119ReplyDelete
Decided to skip Raw to see if HIMYM would actually go through with the big reveal of the mother and they DID. Way more satisfying than this show sounds.ReplyDelete
Well, I sure look stupid now.ReplyDelete
Sorry for besmirching your good name.
Yhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6poh4FvawYou know things have gotten bad when you realize that WCW did a better job of booking The Ultimate Warrior than WWE is currently doing with Brock Lesnar.ReplyDelete
Hell, WWE's handling of Goldberg was better than their handling of Lesnar, at least Goldberg worked with several different guys.
Guess this means that Brock is either going to play a killer Santa in a bad horror movie or he's going to do a workout video that begins with him driving around town in a rundown pickup truck with a bad paint job.
And speaking of funny workout videos, I'm surprised this hasn't gotten more attention:
Seriously, those awful early-90's "Country Hip Hop" workout videos got its own VH1 special yet this barely even got a mention on any wrestling site. Truly baffling mystery.
Wait, if they're supposed to be called "championships", then how can somebody get in the "title hunt"? Shouldn't that logically be called a "championship opportunity"?ReplyDelete
Oh well, that one time Terry Funk referred to it as the 'title trail" sounded much cooler, anyway.
Well hopefully Cena > The Shield results in The Shield winning the US title and Tag belts at Extreme RulesReplyDelete
I'll even take Jack Reynolds over Michael Cole.ReplyDelete
Pretty sure Steve McMichael's still available too, even that stupid looking dog he always brought with him to Nitro would be an improvement over Cole.
I'm surprised Kris Kloss hasn't gone on a massive killing spree by now with all of the shitty wrestling he was forced to watch as the voice of XPW and Wrestling Society X.ReplyDelete
Title is also acceptable. Belt is what you wear to hold your belt up.ReplyDelete
Outside of the Million Dollar Championship, the physical belt is meaningless (unless you're Repo Man). They don't want the belt, they want the championship (or title) symbolized by the belt.
The best part of that show was JBL's Cyclops jokeReplyDelete
Around the same time as Montreal seeing as how both cities [and the entire province of Quebec in general] are hated by the rest of Canada.ReplyDelete
When did Toronto secede from Ontario?ReplyDelete
Lesnar gets in the cage. Punk follows from the crowd. Heyman padlocks the door. HHH gets destroyed.ReplyDelete
Money. It's not even fantasy booking. Punk-HHH & Lesnar-Cena at Summerlam is the way to go if they're going to keep going this way.
The WWE didn't pull the trigger on Monday with a NWA-esque beatdown in the cage. Will they at the PPV? I hope so, because any other ending is ridiculous if HHH still insists on being an active focus of the company.
If a dog and a dolphin can get along, why can't our MMA badass and their King of Kings?ReplyDelete
Come to think of it, John Cens has never been as angry as he was when Punk called him the New York Yankees...ReplyDelete
No, it's the "must make Super Cena look strong year-round" parade and much like playing Action 52, the pain feels neverending.ReplyDelete
Saw this posted on reddit with the tile"why did i stop watching? oh yeah"ReplyDelete
Upvoted just for the crappy candle reference.ReplyDelete
I'm surprised you guys didn't go for the much better slam dunk of #RawIsBoreReplyDelete
I think you're right, I recall seeing it there first too.ReplyDelete
Looking back, a lot of that CHV stuff was recycled to/from PTW, especially matches where they'd just redub the commentary.
One video, Hulkamania 6 I believe, recycles some content and almost all of the graphics and video packages from one of those Hot Ticket cheapie PPV specials "Hulk Hogan: A Real American Story" from the fall of 1991. Remember those? I think they only ever did the two -- the other being the WrestleMania retrospective. The only notable thing I remember about the Hogan one is that they left "Eye of the Tiger" intact for the Shiek/Hulk MSG match.
If anybody ever complains about Triple H's "reign of terror" again when this shit is going on, I'll bite their dick off and spit it back in their face.ReplyDelete
That's interesting, I've never been to Canada, but I've always wanted to check out Toronto. However I've heard some seriously divergent opinions on it from residents, with some people joking about people calling it a big city, saying its a gloried suburb, etc.ReplyDelete
Toronto is also the only city in Canada I've visited that isn't absolutely filthy.ReplyDelete
Jealous leads to hate I guess.
I'm still gonna complain. Don't get me wrong, it's total shit right now, but it doesn't erase the shitstain of RAW 2003 either.ReplyDelete
Who really hates New York?ReplyDelete
Lovely place filled with nice people.
You want a shit-hole? Boston is an awful clusterfuck of a city filled with assholes with victim complexes.
My mom even texted me before RAW: "Is RAW really having a dance-off?!" (In a WTF way, not in the curious way Vince was probably hoping for)ReplyDelete
...take him to Detroit!ReplyDelete
If Kane was protected, who did they beat? DB. Who cares, he loses all the time. I know what you mean, it's not a big deal, Ambrose tapped to 'Taker with all of them around, but still...ReplyDelete
It's like their response to shitty ratings was to hotshot that.
I don't want to wish injury on someone, so I hope Cena magically wakes up in the morning and decides to follow the true calling in his life... whatever that is. That one character is going to drive them into their graves. They have him heatsink everyone in the company. He never loses in the end and if another face has the audacity to face him in a match, they automatically must be turned heel and have anything endearing about them taken away, business and money be damned.
HELL, THEY TRIED TO DO IT WITH THE ROCK THE FIRST TIME. With the satellite stuff and the teleprompter and the notes on his hand.
Cena just needs to go away, if the 2-8 demo stops watching and they lose money in the interim, so be it.
By classic booking convention, Team Hell No should go over at the PPV. They (well, really Daniel Bryan) have been beaten by The Shield so often that nobody would ever take them seriously again if they get a win now.ReplyDelete
Windsor is pretty nice. Especially when you compare it to the city across the river.ReplyDelete
Matt Hardy must have lost his "bump card" somewhere, or traded it in for a Golden Corral VIP customer card.ReplyDelete
Jack Edwards is a cunt.ReplyDelete
"Phil, we've got something for you, you're gonna team up with Brock against me and Cena we're gonna put you in there with me at SS and I'm gonna go over, so we can balance Cena getting screwed out of the title."ReplyDelete
"Um, yeah... my knee fell off. (click)"
MAF hasn't done shit to earn the start. I like him, but it looks like he needs a fresh start somewhere else. Stick with Vokoun this year and next, and buyout or trade Fleury.ReplyDelete
If Matt Striker was still around, I'm pretty sure he would have started ranting about "IF THIS HAPPENS AT EXTREME RULES, BROCK LESNAR WILL BE VICTORIOUS!", followed by a minute of silence from everyone as Vince screams in Striker's ear.ReplyDelete
I feel like I could win the US title. It's kind of an odd decision to give it to anyone they take seriously. Maybe they forgot and put the wrong crappy midcard title on Wade Barrett. To make matters worse, unless he's just going to throw it in a garbage can, he now has to job to someone US title quality... like me. They should just have a ref bump, have Kofi powerbombed through the table, and do a CO finish, and then have them give a speech about how it's an injustice for them to be winning all of these matches, and then having to wrestle for the shitty US title.ReplyDelete
Raw 2003 is just the lesser of two evils. If push comes to shove, I'll probably take Raw 2003 over Raw 2013. Doesn't make either of them any better.ReplyDelete
I do remember those. I also remember at around the same time those shows aired, WCW was planning to do a couple of those "superstar profile" PPVs themselves but decided against it at the last minute, presumably because they realized since their regular PPV buyrates were so bad, that meant the profile PPVs would get even fewer buys.ReplyDelete
Hard to tell which item on that picture makes less sense: A dance-off being advertised for a wrestling show or a hockey game airing on a business channel.ReplyDelete
What's next, Wimbledon tennis games on Comedy Central?
Thinking of the win-loss records that get posted again, Orton freakin wins again WTF. Actually watched about 5 minutes of Raw.ReplyDelete
While I agree that the Six man tag finish means the The Shield are no longer undefeated - the fact that they didn't actually announce a disqualification win for John Cena obviously means that they're portraying it as a SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT FINISH!!1 and thus they'll still claim The Shield haven't been defeated.ReplyDelete
His true calling in life is blowing midgets. Who'dathunkit?ReplyDelete
I'm shocked they're pushing the app so hard during breaks. Didn't they get bitch slapped for doing similar with the website and JR doing commentary during commercials? Was that USA or were they still on Spike at the time?ReplyDelete
At least when the Raw brand was The Triple H Show, he wasn't getting in the way of E-ve-ry-thiiiing. Raw in 2003 stunk on ice *as a whole*, rather than there being a black hole on the show that would suck in all redeemable qualities just to crush them into finite atoms.
More importantly, 2003 was one year, not EIGHT.
Hindsight is 20/20, and if a show has to suck for a year because they're in a transitional period, FINE. If we're talking eight years, what WWE is doing now is saying, "this is what everything has lead to and we're sticking with it. Lap it up, you shit-eating pigs, and don't forget to follow us on Twitter."
Here's something that can be said for 2003 that can't be said for 2013: if someone now claims they still watch Raw, I'd be shocked. Back then, I wouldn't be.
If it invoves the Djoker, why not?ReplyDelete
I got smacked down for suggesting that on account of "RAW IS WAR" slogan not having been used in many years.ReplyDelete
but thats also why a lot of guys like me haven't watch a complete WWE show (well, on regular tv, I have seen some ppvs though) in months.ReplyDelete
because you support your team no matter what?ReplyDelete
Man, I hope so. Just for promos like this.ReplyDelete
PUNK: I'm going to play the game. And it will be game over.
HHH: You're just a Punk... Punk.
PUNK: I'm a punk? Let's get real, Paul. I'm kicking your ass.
HHH: Yeah? Well I run this company, Phil. And I'm kicking your ass.
I'm thankful HIMYM has officially given me a reason to quit. So I don't have to see the mother become as awful as every other character.ReplyDelete
Then the question is, when the moment comes when Scott becomes a drooling vegetable, will his wife or child be nice enough to submit his final unfinished work to the Blog of Doom for our enjoyment?ReplyDelete
"It's not even him"ReplyDelete
that's the problem. at this point I am almost sure if Cena was gone, they would instantly try to put some other guy into the same position.
I don't think The Shield losing is a big deal, especially because WWE didn't make it a big deal. It'd be one thing if they had Cole screaming, "Cena beat The Shield! Cena beat The Shield! The streak is over! The streak is over!" But the win-loss particulars of the match were quickly overshadowed (on commentary and by the crowd) by The Shield beating down Cena.ReplyDelete
And really, after this week, how many 6-man Shield matches are we going to see? Ambrose will get the US title and Rollins/Reigns will get the tag titles at Extreme Rules, so for the foreseeable future it will be a lot more Ambrose singles matches and Rollins/Reigns tag matches, with the other guys ringside and/or running in. Their record in 6-man matches isn't going to matter anymore because they'll be less frequent. And when they do another 6-man match, the announcers can always say, "The Shield has never lost by pinfall or submission."
which is especially stupid since the new WWE title is said to be very expensive.ReplyDelete
That's not the point.ReplyDelete
The point is why did this particular match take place the way it did, and why did Cena win when he was going to get beat down anyway?
It's definitive 50/50 booking.
"maybe it's right. maybe it ain't. but it's what I do."ReplyDelete
now I finally know the origin of that catchphrase.
I would have been fine with the DQ loss for the Shield if Cena didn't pin Rollins first. Just have the Shield smell blood and attack him relentlessly, until the ref can't handle it anymore and DQs all three of them. Cena shouldn't have been able to get a pinfall on any of the Shield.ReplyDelete
The Shield didn't lost 3-on-1, though. Yeah, Cena pinned Rollins (which was stupid), but then the other two members got DQ'd. The only problem with the ending to the match was that Cena got a pinfall out of it. Had the Shield just gotten DQ'd for swarming Cena, it would have been much, much better.ReplyDelete
But it's still not the squash that people here are making it out to be.
Except Dean Ambrose. And Seth Rollins. But hey, Roman Reigns is still going strong!ReplyDelete
Actually, April 22, 2007, the Red Sox did it against the Yankees. It was painful to watch as a Yankees fan.ReplyDelete
So, while I was fast forwarding through Raw this morning, I noticed a commercial announcing that Raw is coming to Brooklyn on July 15. Upon further inspection, I found that TNA is doing another Base-Brawl event in Brooklyn on July 5. I've never been to a TNA event, and I haven't been to Raw since the Bob Barker guest host episode in 2009. I'm thinking of going to both.ReplyDelete
I know there are some other NYers here on the BoD, anyone interested in a BoD meetup for one or both of the shows?
I do agree with this, you can even use the recent Undertaker/Ambrose match on Smackdown as an example as the match isn't remembered for Ambrose tapping out to The Undertaker, but rather The Shield beating the shit out of The Undertaker afterwards and that's pretty much how it's been promoted since then.ReplyDelete
I fell behid RAW and skipped the Shield match to get to real time and felt like I'd be kicking myself the next morning. NOPE!ReplyDelete
I don't know if it was the worst RAW of 2013 but it was certainly pretty close to the status quo.
I think we all know this is leading up to HHH and Brock starring in The Chaperone 2, where a terrorist gang led by Brock Lesnar hijack the school bus that HHH is still driving.Fuck wrestling, we're an Entertainment corporation now!ReplyDelete
Oh we choked, but at least we didn't get swept in 4 games. Now THAT'S Vancouver choking again and setting everything right with the worldReplyDelete
The great thing about when I stopped watching RAW and nearly wrestling completely in 2003 was that I would still watch Smackdown from time to time and be entertained.ReplyDelete
Now Smackdown is even a WORSE option.
It's a giant college town.ReplyDelete
There you go. Exactly.ReplyDelete
But for as much complaining as people around here do about title holders looking weak, what's really wrong with the WWE Champion pinning the 3rd-best guy in a 3-man group?ReplyDelete
I think I might hit up the July Raw show. Not sure about the TNA show, though.ReplyDelete
I wouldn't mind Team Hell No drifting apart after dropping the belts to The Shield. Kane especially has no meaningful direction being part of an oddball tag team.ReplyDelete
So does Kane turn heel again on Sunday because it's MAY 19TH?!?!?!?ReplyDelete
And then they didn't even do it! The ONE THING they were advertising!ReplyDelete
and now all of Canada's hopes for The Cup rest on the Sens. #WoeCanadaReplyDelete
Angelina Jolie would make you THINK so!ReplyDelete
You'll hear a MASSIVE huzzah if Bettman's Boys did that #SyndyCrosbyIsSoWhinyErnestAndJulioGalloAreInterestedInHimReplyDelete
The upshot of the app thing is that their interest in it has now peaked, which means that in a couple weeks they'll give up on it and we'll never hear from it again, ala Tout.ReplyDelete
Isn't that something? At least, once upon a time, if one show was bad then the other was good... generally speaking.ReplyDelete
Now we're at a point where one show's bad, ergo everything else is bad.
Dodger fans leaving after the 7th is SOP in LA.ReplyDelete
BTW message to fans of Das Kapitals-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tlgeFRPz4Cw
We here in Tri-State area don't call him ALex The TERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIBLE for nothing #CANYOUHEARUS??????????????????ReplyDelete
you're SUPPOSED to say John SterlingReplyDelete
I'm down for a meet-up. I don't know if I'll be in town for the TNA show, but I should be able to do the Raw one. Let's do this!ReplyDelete
Boston-Toronto and New York-Washington >>>>>...>>>>>...>>>>> RawReplyDelete
(I don't feel like typing out a few thousand "greater than" signs, but that's about how big the difference was.)
What would YOU want them to do, put it on USA and pre-empt BLAH?????????ReplyDelete
Being an upstater who abuts Quebec and Ontario, I can firmly slide into that category of people who hate NYC AND Quebec.ReplyDelete
Kane is 46 years old. He doesn't need a direction...ReplyDelete
The Kane character is kind of ageless, though. It's not like we see him aging in the face, so as long as he can still move and put on a decent match, he can get a solo push.ReplyDelete
Besides, it's not like age is hindering how they book Undertaker, HHH, Big Show, Jericho (all in their 40s) and some other guys. I'm not saying make Kane the champ; just put some thought into his character and his storylines.
It was a part of the terrible Fake Kane story line...not quite up there with "Embrace the Hate" but pretty badReplyDelete
I r on gud drugs yus I am.ReplyDelete
The only match since Lesnar's comeback I've looked forward to was the Cena match (which ended up being my MOTY). The HHH feud has been horrendous, was doomed to result in mediocre matches and has wasted at least 2 (I'll allow 1) of Brock's dates that could've been used by intriguing matches. Still, if they want to add storeys to Brock Lesnar's house just so HHH can get a few last Main Events in, best of luck to them. At least their big investment will get his big win back infront of less than half the people who saw him lose last month.ReplyDelete
This show SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS............but make sure to watch the suckiness on the WWE APP.ReplyDelete
I just worry that Cole might Build Momentum to the point where he goes into a Controlled Frenzy of WWE App plugs, leading to HASTAGAppPlug Trending on Twitter and leaving us forever unable to Create Seperation from our ears and the shilling. I just worry.ReplyDelete
The hell does that have to do with anything? It's not like their current slogan is WWE Is Not Boring! or WWE Is Exciting, or WWE Is Soaring.ReplyDelete
People just don't rep for genius like us, do they?
IIRC, Kane kept hearing "May 19th" over and over in his head, which was for the release of Eye Scream Man. No, wait, excuse me, See No Evil.ReplyDelete
Kane is, like, the Orson Welles of having shitty storylines. Just off the top of my head, by the process of elimination, THREE of the following storylines are NOT in the Bottom 3 of his career:ReplyDelete
* The Edge feud where Edge kidnapped Paul Bearer
* Katie Vick
* Raping Lita then avenging her miscarriage
* Embrace The Hate
* Fake Kane
* Kane wields a GIANT HOOK because that was his prop in a movie
It's a testament to Glen Jacobs that he's still around and beloved after all that.
Much like Terry Funk, Scott Keith's bump card is unlimited.ReplyDelete
"Oh my f-ing god????" Wow. That's ridiculous - hey I'm a Christian......though admittedly, not as ridiculous as the predictable outcome of the 6-man tag (before the match, I actually said "yea they'll probably get Cena 3-to-1 and he'll come back and win....but Ryback will get him afterwards"). That's why nobody watches anymore.ReplyDelete
Could be worse, at least your team didn't finish dead last in the conference.ReplyDelete
Toronto is awesome, you should definitely get up there if you can.ReplyDelete
Wasn't the Shield's first loss when Ambrose took a pin to the Undertaker two weeks ago?ReplyDelete
where the heck are you visiting? Vancouver is far from filthyReplyDelete
It reminds me of when I was about 12 and went to a Sabres game and whoever they were playing (Rangers, I think) scored with about 5 seconds to go to take the lead, so we left. Turns out the goal was waved off and the Sabres won in OT. I've never left a game early since.ReplyDelete
It wasn't losing to Boston That hurt, it was how we lost, blowing a 3 goal lead in the last 5 minutes of the game, OT loser.ReplyDelete
As for Colorado's finish, could be worse, at least you have won a Stanley cup since 1967
I'm confused as to how your Christianity is in any way relevant to what you or anyone else has saidReplyDelete
I don't think it KILLS The Shield or anything - it's just that it's such unnecessary booking. Why even RISK hurting The Shield at this stage? It's the same principle as booking Antonio to job to Orton a week after you've had him do a promo about having no competition, theoretically starting a push or a program - it's either a lack of forethought or lack of care that results in shitty booking that can be harmful to their guys.ReplyDelete
The beauty of booking wrestling is that if you don't want a guy to lose, you don't have to book him to lose. WWE seems to forget that.
Right. And Rollins already took a DQ loss pre-Mania to Big Show.ReplyDelete
That's the other thing I don't mind about last night, is that the whole "undefeated as a team" thing isn't worth shit anyway. Was that going to be their selling point? That they remain undefeated as a six-man until..what? Some random 3-man combo finally beats them? That doesn't even get anyone over, because there are no such thing as six-man teams. So who cares.
What I'm saying is, the undefeated thing is something of an albatross, because if you make "being undefeated" their gimmick, then it basically means their gimmick is killed once they get that first loss. INSTEAD I think the money is in just portraying them as dominant, win a bunch of titles, defend those titles, and then the money matches come when the babyfaces finally take those titles from them.
Being "undefeated in six man tag matches" doesn't matter. Kicking everyone's asses, winning matches, winning titles— as long as the Shield does that they'll be over, and be in a position for huge matches that could absolutely make the right babyfaces. (D-BRY, please.)
Good point. And that loss last night was just brutal, I was going to bust your balls about it, but it's really not funny. And as someone who grew up in Buffalo I can sympathize with your team choking.ReplyDelete
Oh, and fuck the Bruins. Fuck the Red Wings too, just on general principles.
Basically that to a Christian, the first statement in quotes (that Scott made in the review above) is a ridiculous (and incredibly disrespectful) statement.ReplyDelete
Scott's not a believer though so holding him to that standard doesn't make much sense.
God damn. After reading this recap, I'm immediately deleting this horseshit from my DVR when I get home.ReplyDelete
I guess where I differ with you guys is that it's not even that I don't think last night "only hurt Shield a little" but I think last night put them over more. Again, to wit, it was basically a schmozz finish that ended with Shield standing tall over Cena. The DQ "loss" doesn't mean shit, because in wrestling DQ losses don't mean shit. They didn't act like Ambrose was about to immediately tap, they didn't play up the "loss" aspect in the announcing booth. The real result of that match is that Shield once again beat up John Cena.ReplyDelete
Last night wasn't about "hurting Shield only a little bit", it was about putting Shield over.
And I don't want to pull the whole "you internet nerds don't represent the mainstream audience" card because I'm one of you nerds and I agree with the majority of this board on lots of things here. BUT, I guarantee if you polled the mainstream WWE audience after last night's show, their opinion would be that Shield looked even stronger now. Again, they wrestled to a schmozz with the most pushed faces in the company and then laid out John Cena.
And I 100% agree with you on the Cesaro-Orton match. Total waste of time and it makes Cesaro look needlessly bad. But that's not a fair comp to the Shield booking at all.
Yes, let someone else's opinion dictate how you live your life. Top notch sheepery.ReplyDelete
I don't agree with your comment.ReplyDelete
Jesus tit-fuckin' Christ! I didn't think shit like that still ofended people these days. Scott really outa apologize for being so disrespectfulReplyDelete
Basically justicegray pretty much said it for me lol......but hey - praying for both Kyle and Scott!ReplyDelete
A lot of you might disagree, but I thought the Fandango-Y2J angle was pretty well executed.....the show quickly went downhill, but still - good angleReplyDelete
My wife pretty well meets the description of a "casual fan" and her reaction to the HHH/Lesnar confrontation was telling. When Trips was blathering on about how they need to settle things, she asked "Haven't they been settled already?" And when Brock stood outside the cage after being tossed out, her reaction was "Awwww, little pussy doesn't wanna get back in the ring."ReplyDelete
So it's official: we're watching the emasculation of Brock Lesnar occur right before our eyes.
Oh dear lord TELL ME YOU ARE NOT DEFENDING A SHOW WITH A 30 MINUTE DANCE OFF!ReplyDelete
Don't waste your time with him. He just comes around to play the anti-smark gimmick and tell us how everything WWE does is perfect. Talk about a sheep...ReplyDelete
WWE refuse to do the easy booking: Swagger should be the heel against a returning face Ziggler who is mad that the jerk Swagger concussed him. People cheer Ziggler anyway. Just have Swag put Alberto in the ankle lock, get Zeb to put Ricardo in a torturous situation and ADR says I Quit to save his friend. Ziggler comes back when he's healthy a house of fire.ReplyDelete
These are the times when I would love to be able to interact whoever downvoted me. Were you angry that I stated a fact about a particular religion? =)ReplyDelete
Yeah, the upside to fans leaving during the stretch is that I can usually sneak up to a couple of rows behind the dugout before game's end.ReplyDelete
That's right, totally forgot about that.ReplyDelete
Completely serious question: What is HHH's reason for challenging Brock to a third match? Was it Brock tearing up the office or was there something before this?ReplyDelete
justicegray, You know how people are nowadays.....they want you to just sit back in a corner and say nothing when it comes to God - among other thingsReplyDelete
Well, Cole does have to Pursue His Aggression in some wayReplyDelete
Hopefully Bylsma does the right thing and stick with the hot hand.ReplyDelete
This is based on the idea that the results of a wrestling match don't matter. A popular notion, but I could not disagree more. People said the same thing about Lesnar losing to Cena but having "destroyed" him being the lasting image. Yeah, uh, no. I mean even if you want to say that DQs don't mean anything, a notion with which I disagree but understand, not all DQs are equal. Two guys fighting and someone runs in to help beat up one of them? K, sure, doesn't mean anything. Someone "about to lose" and needing to be saved by a DQ? That does in fact mean something. And needing to be saved by a DQ in a 3v1 situation? Good god, that's incredibly limp.ReplyDelete
I mean, how much more over would The Shield be if, instead of this "They lost by DQ but stood tall" nonsense, they, I don't know, mashed Cena into paste, pinned his immobile carcass, and *then* stood tall??ReplyDelete
3v1. Those are the spots where a champion is supposed to lose. Those are the only spots they should be losing. People around here don't complain about champions losing like that, they complain about champions losing clean in even-odds matches.ReplyDelete
Vokoun's starting tonight, so lets see what happens. Nothing against Fleury, but gotta stick to what's working.ReplyDelete
So The Shield looked "incredibly limp" after last night's segment? Come on dude, that's such an over reaction.ReplyDelete
First off, my opinion isn't based on the idea that wins and losses don't matter. I fully believe that they do. But let's be honest, run-in DQs have never ever mattered. If Ambrose was pinned or tapped, then fine, that'd be ridiculous. But heels getting themselves DQed is the equivalent of a non-finish. That's just the way it is. And the announcers weren't playing up that Ambrose was seconds away from tapping— the scene was basically that Shield had enough of this shit, and wanted to just accomplish what they set out to do, which was beat the shit out of Cena.
And where's the comparison between last night and Cena-Lesnar? I don't see it at all. The Lesnar match was ridiculous because Cena pinned him clean and then stood tall afterwards. That's nothing similar to the booking last night.
Anyway, again, I feel like the board is letting their hatred of all the other bad booking that WWE is doing right now cloud their reaction to this segment. Shield has been booked like monsters. They were booked strong last night. Yes, there's plenty of time for this to go off the rails, but that's not what happened last night.
Brock challenged HHH.ReplyDelete
I'm afraid of your wife.ReplyDelete
So, in your plan, they destroy the best in the WWE and...then what?ReplyDelete
Are you looking to recreate the nWo?
Why even watch Extreme Rules if you feel the lead in stuff to be bad? To stick it to The Man by stealing something you don't even want to see?ReplyDelete
You should be.ReplyDelete
And then somebody beats them. Wrestling 101. And no, that's not what the nWo was, because they forgot the part where somebody beats them.ReplyDelete
You forgot "IS HE ALIVE OR IS HE DEAD???". That was a steaming pile of shit when he unveiled Rey's mask... and then Rey returned from his torture none the worse for wear, slapping fans' hands on the way out.ReplyDelete
I can buy into that.ReplyDelete
Because I leave early when they're down by 20 means I'm not supporting my team?ReplyDelete
Nice logic there.
Does Detroit even count as a city anymore?ReplyDelete