The SmarK Rant for TNA Impact–06.06.13

The SmarK Rant for TNA Impact – 06.06.13

So I’m assuming that Rampage Jackson was the “major free agent” Dixie Carter was talking about, then?

Live from Atlanta, GA

Your hosts are Mike Tenay & Tazz. So long, whoever the third guy was.

Bully Ray joins us to start, and the crowd is not very happy to see him. Bully single-handedly defeating Sting on Sunday, you see, and Sting might even retire now. He’s destroyed everyone, no one’s left, so he should be in the Hall of Fame now. Bully is such a great dickhead. Hulk Hogan interrupts the monologue to announce that it’s the Bound For Glory Series Selection Show, and also Bully is facing Jeff Hardy tonight in a ladder match.

Meanwhile, Chavo and Hernandez talk about getting added to the BFG Series, and seemingly dissolve the team.

Hernandez v. Chavo Guerrero

Winner of this gets added to the Series. Chavo tries some uppercuts out of the corner, but gets thrown down, so he goes to the arm instead. Hernandez misses a splash and Chavo hits a senton and goes back to the arm. Hernandez comes back and pounds away, and a backbreaker gets two. Slingshot shoulderblock misses and Chavo hits the Three Amigos, but Hernandez powers out. Chavo keeps coming with a rolling kick in the corner and he goes up, but the frog splash hits the knees. Border Toss is reversed by Chavo, but Hernandez rolls him up for the pin at 5:04. Chavo teases a heel turn, but then puts him over instead. **1/2

Meanwhile, Rampage is here.

Devon is out, bitching about losing the TV title to Abyss. Joseph Park answers instead, and he attacks. That advantage doesn’t last long, as Devon beats the hell out of him…but Abyss’ music interrupts. Devon leaves to find him, apparently still not catching onto the gag.

Robbie E v. Samoa Joe

Robbie E feels confident in his chances here…for some reason. Last year, he got 5 points, you know. Joe destroys him and casually steps out of the way of a flying bodypress, a spot that I never get tired of. Muscle Buster and choke ends the slaughter at 1:40. ½*

Meanwhile, Mickie James “apologizes” to Velvet Sky because Taryn stole her “day-saving” moment last week, but she’ll totally give her a rematch as soon as Velvet is healthy.

Rampage Jackson is out, and Kurt Angle quickly interrupts. They do an intense staredown and that’s that. Good enough.

Meanwhile, Bully Ray and Mr. Anderson discuss strategy and question Hogan’s political games. Anderson may or may not be the new VP as a result.

Bobby Roode, Austin Aries & Kenny King v. Gun-Storm & Chris Sabin

Sabin controls King with armdrags and the heels all bail to the floor. Sabin hits them all with a dive, but Aries trips him up on the way in and the heels take over. Sabin escapes and brings in Storm, and he runs wild on Roode, but again Aries uses a cheapshot to turn the tide. Storm takes the beating, but it’s hot tag Gunner, and the crowd is actually reacting to him because they treated him like a big deal. How about that. Slingshot suplex on King gets two, but he walks into the Roode spinebuster. It’s BONZO GONZO as everyone hits their highspots, and Sabin finishes King with the Cradle Shock at 6:40. Fun match. **3/4

Mickie James v. Taeler Hendrix

Taeler goes after the arm while Mickie does the over-the-top sportsman act, and a dropkick gets two. The crowd quickly loses interest due to a fight or something in the background, and Taeler goes up while Mickie claims a knee injury. Hendrix of course falls for it, and the Mick Kick finishes at 3:45. ½* Is it me or was Hendrix looking a little rough and pudgy here?

Meanwhile, Devon and Knux investigate things backstage, and fall victim to Abyss in an oddly cinematic shot done all in shadows.

Ladder match: Jeff Hardy v. Bully Ray

This is non-title, with a hammer hanging above the ring. Hardy attacks to start and gets the headscissors out of the corner, sending Bully crashing into the table outside. Hardy follows with a clothesline off the apron, but Bully takes over as we take a break. Back with Bully controlling with a backdrop, and he drops a ladder on Hardy. Bully clarifies that he doesn’t need the hammer, and in fact his fist is the metaphorical hammer. Had a Dr. Horrible flashback there for a minute. Bully stops to mock his father-in-law, but this allows Hardy to come back with a DDT. Hardy wins a slugfest and climbs, but Bully brings him down. Hardy dropkicks the ladder into Bully’s other metaphorical hammer, but he climbs again and gets brought down. Taz gives advice from ringside about wearing a cup next time in one of the stranger commentary conversations. Hardy climbs again and gets brought down again, but comes back with the Whisper in the Wind. Another climb, and another Hardy bump back down, and this time Bully climbs and gets the hammer, all while still selling his injured groin. Tacky but hilarious. Jeff hits the Twist, causing the hammer to fly cartoonishly out of Bully’s hand and into Jeff’s, so Bully runs away, and that’s apparently the end of it at 17:00. That was quite the brazen non-finish to a ladder match. But then the rules weren’t particularly well defined anyway. *** We head backstage, where Hogan stalks Bully with a hammer, but Brooke stops him and we’re out.

The Pulse

Super-fun show with a hot crowd, crappy ending aside. Of course now they have nothing to build to for four months.