Greetings.
Today we have a question from The Cooler:
"Going with a movie theme...how about funniest movie lines? I figure it's good for at least 300 responses"
For me, I go directly to what I believe is the greatest comedy of all time; Dumb n Dumber. There's so many moments and lines that I could be here all day, but perhaps the most brilliant is when Lloyd & Harry arrive in Aspen. They're huddled around a fire outside, and through chattering teeth, Harry says that he can't feel his fingers anymore, because they're numb. Lloyd then offers up his second pair of gloves, because his hands are getting sweaty. That alone is worth inclusion, but soon after Harry snaps and tries to choke out Lloyd, to which he screams "HARRY! Your hands are freezing!". Typing it now makes me laugh. That is such fantastic writing.
How say you?
Today we have a question from The Cooler:
"Going with a movie theme...how about funniest movie lines? I figure it's good for at least 300 responses"
For me, I go directly to what I believe is the greatest comedy of all time; Dumb n Dumber. There's so many moments and lines that I could be here all day, but perhaps the most brilliant is when Lloyd & Harry arrive in Aspen. They're huddled around a fire outside, and through chattering teeth, Harry says that he can't feel his fingers anymore, because they're numb. Lloyd then offers up his second pair of gloves, because his hands are getting sweaty. That alone is worth inclusion, but soon after Harry snaps and tries to choke out Lloyd, to which he screams "HARRY! Your hands are freezing!". Typing it now makes me laugh. That is such fantastic writing.
How say you?
"Hello, real cops?"
ReplyDelete/thread
"Yes it's true, this man has no dick."
ReplyDeleteComedy Central's first original movie, "Porn & Chicken", was pretty bad, but it DID contain this one incredible gem:
ReplyDeleteGuy 1: "You can't be gay; you've been with more women than I have."
Guy 2: "What does that say about you, Tiger?"
My favorite from Dumb and Dumber:
ReplyDelete"I thought the Rocky Mountains would be a little rockier than this."
"I was thinking the same thing...that John Denver's full of shit!"
"It's a long story."
ReplyDelete"My dad banged his mom."
"OK, it's a short story."
Doctors say that Nordberg has a 50/50 chance of living, though there's only a 10 percent chance of that.
ReplyDelete"And who taught you to be playin patty fingers in the holy water" from The Quiet Man. That line gets a chuckle from me every time. Great movie.
ReplyDeleteGroucho: "That's in every contract, that's what you call a sanity clause."
Chico: "You can't a fool a me there ain't no sanity clause"
From A Night At The Opera, I actually love the entire exchange about the contract. Hell, I could fill up an entire thread with just my favorite Marx Brothers quotes.
Take your pick from several from American Psycho for me:
ReplyDelete"It's 'bone.' And the lettering is something called 'silian rail.' "
"I don't like Huey. He's too....black-sounding."
"TRY GETTING A RESERVATION AT DORSIA NOW, YOU FUCKING STUPID BASTARD!"
I've never seen so many dead hookers in my entire life.
ReplyDeleteLord knows I have
Major League is another source of oft-repeated hilarious quotes among my friends.
ReplyDelete"And for the Indians, no runs on....one hit? One goddamn hit?"
"You can't say goddamn on the air!"
"Don't worry, nobody's listening."
"Vaughn! They tell me you're a pitcher, but you're not much of a dresser! We wear caps and sleeves at this level!"
Sophie: Yeah. I mean, it's gross when he turns into the bug, but I love how matter of fact everything is.
ReplyDeleteWalt Berkman: Yeah, it's very Kafkaesque.
Sophie: [She looks at him oddly. She laughs] Cause it's written by Franz Kafka.
Walt Berkman: Right. I mean, clearly.
From Waiting:
ReplyDeleteAmy: "I just don't understand what would compel a person to be such a bitch to a total stranger!"
Monty: "Maybe she was abused as a child"
Amy: "Oh God, I fucking hope so!"
Just rewatched that over the weekend.
ReplyDelete"Fuck you Jobu"
ReplyDeleteJack Burton: When some wild-eyed, eight-foot-tall maniac grabs your neck, taps the back of your favorite head up against the barroom wall, and he looks you crooked in the eye and he asks you if ya paid your dues, you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye, and you remember what ol' Jack Burton always says at a time like that: "Have ya paid your dues, Jack?" "Yessir, the check is in the mail."
ReplyDelete"Don't give me this olé bullshit!"
ReplyDelete"I've never even heard of half these guys and most of these guys are well past their prime."
"Most of them never had a prime."
"This guy here is dead."
"Hats for bats keep bats warm."
And while Major League II isn't as good or quotable as I, it's still pretty damn good. "It's not your job to make excuses. THAT'S ALL YOU GUYS DO GOOD.
IT'S EITHER A LEG THING. OR A SPIRITUAL THING. OR A PSYCHOLOGICAL
THING. OR A HEART ATTACK."
"Did somebody step on a duck"
ReplyDelete"You!..."
ReplyDelete"Yes, me... Me, me, me."
"...me too."
"Jesus? I like him very much. But he no help with curveball"
ReplyDelete"You trying to tell me that Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball?"
"Now go home and get your fucking shinebox"
ReplyDeleteCaddyshack is loaded with them:
ReplyDelete"What do you get a free bowl of soup with this hat?
*Sees smalls wearing hat*
"Oh but it looks good on you!"
Jericho did that bit years ago and I died.
"I'm not taking the dog bowling dude. I'm not renting him shoes. I'm not gonna buy him a fucking beer."
ReplyDelete"I'm gonna design bathrroms for playgrounds! So little kids can take shits!"
Not so much a line as a scene, but Mr. Blonde talking into the severed ear.
Cheating a bit, and using TV:
ReplyDelete"Well, my days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle."
Caddyshack is very quotable but that's what you get when you mix Dangerfield, Chase and Murray and just let them ad lib everything.
ReplyDelete"it's a bit harsh"
"Evan: McLovin? What kind of a stupid name is that, Fogell? What, are you trying to be an Irish R&B singer?
ReplyDeleteFogell: Naw, they let you pick any name you want when you get down there.
Seth: And you landed on McLovin...
Fogell: Yeah. It was between that or Muhammed.
Seth: Why the FUCK would it be between THAT or Muhammed? Why don't you just pick a common name like a normal person?
Fogell: Muhammed is the most commonly used name on Earth. Read a fucking book for once."
Didn't Hall or Nash do it?
ReplyDelete"I said for ME winning isn't everything. You do."
ReplyDeleteI don't why but the part in Home Alone where Kevin's running from the Wet Bandits and he uses the rope to get from the window to the treehouse always kills me.
ReplyDelete"where'd he go?"
"maybe he committed suicide"
Gets me every time.
" Don't you think I realize what's going on here, miss? Who do you think I am, huh? Don't you think I know that if I was some hotshot from out of town that pulled inside here and you guys made a reservation mistake, I'd be the first one to get a room and I'd be upstairs relaxing right now. But I'm not some hotshot from out of town, I'm a small reporter from "Rolling Stone" magazine that's in town to do an exclusive interview with Michael Jackson that's gonna be picked up by every major magazine in the country. I was gonna call the article "Michael Jackson Is Sitting On Top of the World," but now I think I might as well just call it "Michael Jackson Can Sit On Top of the World Just As Long As He Doesn't Sit in the Beverly Palm Hotel 'Cause There's No Niggers Allowed in There!"
ReplyDelete"Let me get this straight: You think that your client, one of the richest, most powerful men in the world, is secretly a vigilante who spends his evenings beating dangerous criminals to a pulp with his bare hands, and your plan is to blackmail this person? Good luck..."
ReplyDeleteThey didn't have these fancy birth control methods like they today. Like pulling out.
ReplyDeleteThe Danny McBride rant about cumming, in This is the End probably made me laugh more than anything else I've ever seen in a movie.
ReplyDelete"I can't believe you people!"
ReplyDelete"Hey, what do you mean *you people*?"
...
"What do *YOU* mean, *you people*?"
"Huh?"
"Everybody knows you never go full retard."
ReplyDelete"What do you mean?"
"Check it out. Dustin Hoffman, 'Rain Man,' look retarded, act retarded, not retarded. Counted toothpicks, cheated cards. Autistic, sho'. Not retarded. You know Tom Hanks, 'Forrest Gump.' Slow, yes. Retarded, maybe. Braces on his legs. But he charmed the pants off Nixon and won a ping-pong competition. That ain't retarded. Peter Sellers, "Being There." Infantile, yes. Retarded, no. You went full retard, man. Never go full retard. You don't buy that? Ask Sean Penn, 2001, "I Am Sam." Remember? Went full retard, went home empty handed..."
"Oh, don't shoot him. You'll just make him mad."
ReplyDelete"Never mind that shit, HERE COMES MONGO!"
This scene from Ghostbusters is my favorite part of that movie:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4I4OCgVAv8
"Hey, you must have been something before electricity."
ReplyDeleteEven though it isn't that funny of a line, the delivery from Ed Helms when he's talking to the tranny stripper in Hangover II is classic.
ReplyDelete"You shot your load...into my bottom?"
"I'm in a glass case of emotion!!!"
ReplyDeleteGotta go with Joker again:
ReplyDelete"Did you think you could steal from us and get away with it?"
"Yeah..."
Back to School had some classics
ReplyDeleteVanessa:
Millicent, you look charming. I love your dress. Don't YOU, Thornton? It's such a LOVELY shade of GREEN.
Thornton Melon:
Yeah, if that dress had pockets, you'd look like a pool table. You should try my Tall & Fat stores. No offense.
Dr. Phillip Barbay:
ReplyDeleteOh really? Like what for instance?
Thornton Melon:
First of all you're going to have to grease the local politicians for
the sudden zoning problems that always come up. Then there's the
kickbacks to the carpenters, and if you plan on using any cement in this
building I'm sure the teamsters would like to have a little chat with
ya, and that'll cost ya. Oh and don't forget a little something for the
building inspectors. Then there's long term costs such as waste
disposal. I don't know if you're familiar with who runs that business
but I assure you it's not the boyscouts.
That was going to be mine- damn you!
ReplyDeleteSouth Park: Bigger Longer Uncut- there are a TON of great lines, but ...
ReplyDelete"I'm Sorry Wendy, but I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die"
"Life does not start and stop at your convenience, you miserable piece of shit."
ReplyDeleteRene Russo's boyfriend to Jake "Stay away from her."
ReplyDeleteJake "Suck my dick!"
"Pullover!"
ReplyDelete"No! It's a cardigan but thanks for asking!!"
Jonah Hill's eyes during the "Why the FUCK..." line is up there with my favorite parts of that movie. His facial expressions are just so underrated.
ReplyDelete"Mama said they's mah magic shoes! Mama said they'd take me anywhere! 'Course, Mama also used to slap me with the hose and call me a retard!"
ReplyDelete"Is that a raincoat?"
ReplyDelete"Yes, it IS, Paul!"
I always thought it was such a crime that they had to leave that part out of syndicated showings. I know, language and all, but it's one of the best lines of the movie. There should be no valid excuse for snipping it.
ReplyDeleteFrom Requiem for a Dream:
ReplyDelete"Now, I know its pretty, but I didn't tale it out for some air."
And
"Ass to ass!"
Taking from the Quotes page on IMDB, for the movie Clue, from 1985. It's so stupid, but the whole thing makes me laugh. This is one of the better exchanges:
ReplyDeleteMrs. White: I dont want a scandal, do I? We had had a very humiliating public confrontation. He was deranged. He was [points to head] a lunatic! He didn't actually seem to like me very much; he had threatened to kill me in public.
Miss Scarlet: Why would he wanna kill you in public?
Wadsworth: I think she meant he threatened, in public, to kill her.
[rolls eyes]
Miss Scarlet: Oh. Was that his final word on the matter?
Mrs. White: Being killed is pretty final, wouldn't you say?
Wadsworth: And yet, he was the one who died, not you, Mrs. White, not you!
Miss Scarlet: What did he do for a living?
Mrs. White: He was a scientist, nuclear physics.
Miss Scarlet: What was he like?
Mrs. White: He was always a rather stupidly optimistic man. I mean, I'm afraid it came as a great shock to hime when he died, but, he was found dead at home. His head had been cut off, and so had his, uh... you *know*.
[Colonel Mustard, Professor Plum, and Mr. Green cross legs]
Mrs. White: I had been out all evening at the movies.
Miss Scarlet: Do you miss him?
Mrs. White: Well, it's a matter of life after death. Now that he's dead, I have a life.
Wadsworth: But, he was your second husband. Your first husband also disappeared.
Mrs. White: But that was his job. He was an illusionist.
Wadsworth: But he never reappeared!
Mrs. White: [admittedly] He wasn't a very good illusionist.
From Fletch, one if the funniest movies ever:
ReplyDelete"Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you...you're cool...fuck you, I'm out!"
Drebin, I don't want any more trouble like you had last year on the South Side. Understand? That's my policy.
ReplyDeleteYes. Well when I see 5 weirdos dressed in togas stabbing a guy in the middle of the park in full view of 100 people I shoot the bastards. That's my policy.
That was a Shakespeare in the Park production of Julius Caesar you moron! You killed 5 actors! Good ones!
Brave heart:
ReplyDelete"They can take our lives...but they cannot take..our FREEDOM!!!".
From the Naked Gun
ReplyDeleteMayor: Drebin, I don't want any more trouble like you had last year on the southside. Understand? That's my policy.
Frank Drebin:Yes. Well, when I see 5 weirdos dressed in togas stabbing a guy in the middle of the park in full view of 100 people, I shoot the bastards. That's my policy.
Mayor: That was a Shakespeare production of Julius Caesar, you moron! You killed 5 actors! Good ones!
"Ya know what the ol' Jack Burton says..."
ReplyDelete"Who?"
"Jack Burton! Me!"
I love that speech from Tropic Thunder. I was surprised when mentally disabled people/advocates got mad about it. I know they said it was because of the word "retard" but that speech brings up a bunch of great points on how NOT to depict the mentally handicapped in a movie.
ReplyDeleteFrom Slapshot
ReplyDeleteReggie Dunlop: You cheap sonofabitch. Are you crazy, those guys are retards!
McGrath: I got a good deal on those boys. Scout said they showed a lot of promise.
Reggie Dunlop: They brought their fuckin toys with 'em!
McGrath: I'd rather have them playing with their toys than playing with themselves.
Reggie Dunlop: They're too dumb to play with themselves! Boy, every piece of garbage that comes into the league, you gotta buy it.
McGrath: Reg... Reg, that reminds me, I was coaching in Omaha in 1948 and Eddie Shore sends me this guy who's a terrible masturbator. Couldn't control himself. He would get deliberate penalities so he could get all by himself in the penalty box, and damned if he wouldn't, you know... [pantomimes whacking off]
Reggie Dunlop: [disgusted] Aw, Jesus, Joe...
Isn't that from Half Baked?
ReplyDeleteAlso from Slapshot
ReplyDeleteReggie Dunlop: You know, your son looks like a fag to me. You better get married again, 'cause he's gonna wind up with somebody's cock in his mouth before you can say "Jack Robinson".
Anita McCambridge: How dare you. How DARE you!
Literally just made the same comment down below but it is seriously funny dialogue.
ReplyDeleteI also liked the following from Naked Gun 3 1/3;
Doctor: You know, I feel it's important to get off on the right foot and not get caught up in blame. Now, which one of you is impotent?
Jane: Uh, that would be him.
Frank: Why don't you ask who's frigid?
Jane: Uh, that would be him also.
"You trying to say Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball?" slays me every time.
ReplyDelete"Post game show brought to you by.......Christ, I can't find it, the hell with it!"
I've heard police work is dangerous.
ReplyDeleteIt is. That's why I carry a big gun.
Aren't you afraid it might go off accidentally?
I used to have that problem.
What did you do about it?
I just think about baseball.
"You might run like Mays but you sure hit like shit."
ReplyDelete"I don't like you sucking around, bothering our citizens, Lebowski. I don't like your jerk-off name. I don't like your jerk-off face. I don't like your jerk-off behavior, and I don't like you....jerk-off. Do I make myself clear?"
ReplyDelete"..............................I'm sorry, I wasn't listening."
*coffee mug hurl*
Dumb & Dumber is the greatest comedy of all time? I'd say it's one of the worst.
ReplyDeleteI dislike 2 quite a bit, but that and "Anything else would be uncivilized.....upside down!" did get a laugh out of me.
ReplyDeleteWhat's really funny is I'm on this bank job all the way out in Secaucus. I'm in the middle of the fucking weeds laying down. He comes over and r a barsays "what are you doing here?" I say I'm resting. "Here you're resting? How come you're not at a beach or a bar?" I say I'm resting. He
ReplyDeleteFucking fascist!
ReplyDeleteEd: It's disgusting the way they splash this stuff all over the newspapers! What is journalism coming to? You're laying on top of the queen with her legs wrapped around you. And they call that news. They can't kick you off the force, Frank! It's just not fair!Frank: I know, Ed. Life isn't always fair. Just think. The next time I shoot someone, I could be arrested
ReplyDeleteThe following from Don't be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood always cracks me up
ReplyDeleteLoc Dog: Never forget, man. Either they don't know... or don't show or just don't care... about bein' a menace to South Central while they drink their juice in the hood. That's what it's all about, Tray. That's what it's all about.
Mailman: What the fuck is he talkin' about?
Joey: Wait a minute. I know you. You're Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. You play basketball for the Los Angeles Lakers.
ReplyDeleteRoger Murdock: I'm sorry, son, but you must have me confused with someone else. My name is Roger Murdock. I'm the co-pilot.
Joey: You are Kareem! I've seen you play. My dad's got season tickets.
Roger Murdock: I think you should go back to your seat now, Joey. Right, Clarence?
Captain Oveur: Nahhhhhh, he's not bothering anyone. Let him stay here.
Roger Murdock: But just remember, my name is...
[showing his nametag]
Roger Murdock: ROGER MURDOCK. I'm an airline pilot.
Joey: I think you're the greatest, but my dad says you don't work hard enough on defense.
[Kareem gets angry]
Joey: And he says that lots of times, you don't even run down court. And that you don't really try... except during the playoffs.
Roger Murdock: [breaking character] The hell I don't! LISTEN, KID! I've been hearing that crap ever since I was at UCLA. I'm out there busting my buns every night. Tell your old man to drag Walton and Lanier up and down the court for 48 minutes.
Don't Be A Menace is actually rather funny at times. But you definitely have to see the films it's parodying to find it funny.
ReplyDeleteFrom Detroit Rock City
ReplyDelete"I just lot my virginity in a confessional booth! Lord have mercy! Now for the last time, Mom, give me back my fucking drumsticks... please."
Monty Python's Holy Grail is packed with quotable material. I'll go with this from the French Soldier:
ReplyDelete"You don't frighten us, English pig dogs. Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called "Arthur King," you and all your silly English K-nig-hts."
Dumb and Dumber, Anchorman, Ghostbusters and Something About Mary are probably the other movies I quote the most in regular life speak.
40-Year-Old Virgin:
ReplyDeleteShe was a hooooooooo, fo shoooooooooooooo
My favorite is all of Evan's reactions when he's drunk with whatsername.
ReplyDelete"I'm wet.."
"Oh yeah, I learned about that in health class..."
Man, that movie is packed with quotes:
ReplyDelete"Today's forecast? Dark and cloudy, and chance of drive-by."
Totally agree with you on that one. I still think their decision to portray Ashtray's Dad as younger as his own son was just hilarious!
ReplyDeleteHarry, you're alive!......and you're a terrible shot.
ReplyDeleteI mean, that's on such a level of brilliance. Then soon after there's the scene with Lloyd shooting Mary's husband. Goddamnit I love that movie.
Randy Quaid owns part 2.
ReplyDelete"Why? Because Fuck You, that's why."
ReplyDeleteOmg I really love that line
ReplyDelete*typing* "But Dad, how can I love? You never taught me"
ReplyDelete"Is this shirt too yellow?"
"Nah. Say, what's Curious George like in real life?"
Damn Panamainian nickles
ReplyDelete"Let's get off of momma's cause... I just got off of yours, leave my momma out of this bruh"
ReplyDelete"She's out. She's out... WHAT TIME YOU WANT ME TO BRING THE BITCH BACK?"
I've never seen Airplane, as I tend to steer from parody films, but reading that exchange made me laugh.
ReplyDeleteThe most recent set of movie lines I found really funny have to be the dialogue and interactions between Tony Stark and the little boy Harley he meets in Iron Man 3.
ReplyDeleteTony Stark: So, uhh, who's home?
Harley Keener: Well, my mom already left at the diner, and dad went to someone to get scratchers... I guess he won, 'cause that was six years ago.
Tony Stark: Hmm... which happens, dads leave, no need to be a pussy about it, here's what I need...
"My mother's too drunk to be an astronaut."
ReplyDeleteI believe it's the first one where Frank goes to get information from a snitch, and he pays him. Then Frank has something this guy's interested in, and starts to pay him. I always thought that was funny as hell for some reason.
ReplyDelete"For four hundred years, that word has kept us down."
ReplyDelete"What the fuck?"
"Took a whole lotta tryin' just to get up that hill. Now we're up in the big leagues, gettin' our turn at bat. As long as we live, it's you and me, baby..."
"That's the theme song to The Jeffersons. Man, you really need help."
"Just because it's a theme song don't mean it's not true."
"You
ReplyDeleteknow how you
handle an actor? They whine about anything, you pull down their pants
and you spank their ass."
"Shut your mound nutrition, tape worm havin', overdose Dick Gregory bohemian diet drinkin' ass up! Leave me alone!"
ReplyDeleteI'm a little young to understand a lot of the references but I still found it funny, not like that scary movie shit.
ReplyDelete"I don't read the script, script reads me."
ReplyDelete"What the hell does that even mean--"
"WHATCHU GETTING AT WITH THE BOOK-SCRIPT, SPIT THAT SHIT OUT, MAN!!!"
Downey corpsing for a second afterwards seals it.
"Roooooosebud..."
ReplyDeleteWait that wasn't supposed to be funny?
"We goin' to Sizzlah, we goin' to Sizzlah"
ReplyDelete"It's pretty! It's soooo pretty!"
ReplyDeleteI thought you liked the Naked Gun series?
ReplyDeleteReminds me of "Glengarry GlenRoss":
ReplyDeleteHarris: "What's your name?"
Baldwin: "'Fuck you', that's my name."
Ronald Joseph Aaron "Ron" Burgundy: [on the fight between local anchormen] Boy, that escalated quickly. I mean, that really got out of hand fast!Champion "Champ" Kind: It jumped up a notch.Ronald Joseph Aaron "Ron" Burgundy: It did, didn't it?Brick Tamland: Yeah, I stabbed a man in the heart.Ronald Joseph Aaron "Ron" Burgundy: I saw that! Brick killed a guy! Did you throw a trident?Brick Tamland: Yeah, there were horses and a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident.Ronald Joseph Aaron "Ron" Burgundy: Brick, I've been meaning
ReplyDeleteto talk to you about that. You should probably find yourself a safe
house or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you're
probably wanted for murder. I'm proud of you fellas. You all kept your
head on a swivel and that's what you're gonna do when you find yourself
in a vicious cockfight.
"It was his sled. It was his sled from when he was a kid. There, I just saved you two boobless hours."
ReplyDeleteApparently in the book Rosebud was actually his wife's snatch...
ReplyDeleteNICE! Too risque for the 40's, but yeah, that's insane.
ReplyDeleteAirplane's definitely a gooder. Well worth checking out.
ReplyDeleteIt makes a lot more sense really
ReplyDelete"DO... WE... HAVE... A... PROBLEM?"
ReplyDeleteBest part of that movie IMO. I still quote that.
"Want me to drag him out of here? Kick the shit out of him?"
ReplyDelete"Well don't just stare at it. Eat it"
ReplyDeleteThe interactions with the kid were the absolute best thing about that movie.
ReplyDeleteWhat do you mean, "actually?" I didn't know there was any notion out there that it wasn't.
ReplyDeleteBoth statements are ridiculous.
ReplyDeleteAm I the meanest?
ReplyDeleteSho'nuff!
Am I the prettiest?
Sho'nuff!
Am I the baddest mofo low down around this town?
Sho'nuff!
Well who am I?
Sho'nuff!
Who am I?!
Sho'nuff!
I can't hear you!
Sho'nuff!
"You're a funny guy Tommy"
ReplyDeleteYes
ReplyDeleteText doesn't do that line justice.
ReplyDelete"Want me to drag him outside... kick the shit out of him?"
ReplyDelete"No"
"Mr. Vaughn, I thought you were starting tonight."
ReplyDelete"I did."
"Oh, sorry. I didn't tune in until the 2nd inning."
I've only seen like, 3/4th of the first one. Then bits & pieces of the others.
ReplyDeleteWell, it's a Wayan Brothers parody film. Scary Movie, Dance Flick, Haunted House, very much not funny. So, when they have one that is, then I think "actually" works.
ReplyDeleteThe Shogun of Harlem.
ReplyDeleteNeed to watch that again.
ReplyDelete"Oh man, I'm freezing to death"
ReplyDelete"want to borrow my flack jacket?"
"WHAT? Are you insane? It's burning hot"
Jack Black's whole ordeal with the jelly beans is one of my favorite story-arcs in film of the last 10 or so years.
"Hey Hanrahan! Your wife's a lesbian!"
ReplyDelete"You know how I know you're gay."
ReplyDeleteProbably couldn't even do that now without a bitchfest.
Airlplane is really the cornerstone of the genre. Worth watching. As is any Mel Brooks movie before Spaceballs.
ReplyDeleteD&D is Top Ten though.
ReplyDeleteWatching Airplane is not like watching a modern parody film. It's way better written. Think of Young Frankenstein and you get the gist.
ReplyDeleteand they're remaking it. Motherfuckers.
ReplyDeleteI always laugh when Vanity is showing him that Bruce Lee montage, and he's marking out like a total fanboy, and she's still all hot & bothered. Yeah fucking right. In my experience, doing something like that will ALWAYS get you laid.
You have a poster of Asia framed in your room.
ReplyDeleteIn a similar vein from Coming to America:
ReplyDelete"Fuck you, fuck you, and fuck you! Who's next?"
Actually the entire Barbershop crew from that movie at any point.
"Is she right? I know a lot of people like to believe that. I wish I could, but I was there..."
ReplyDeleteIt's so damn hot out, milk was a bad choice.
ReplyDeleteNo, Fletch (1984) with Chevy Chase. Forgot the character's name but it was when Guillermo Diaz quit his job.
ReplyDeleteOr exploiting them for awards.
ReplyDeleteAnything McBride says in any movie can make me laugh for some reason. Hell, I even liked Your Highness.
ReplyDeleteModern parody films are all the same joke, "remember THIS??"
ReplyDeleteI know, it's a shame. I'm not a homophobe in the slightest, neither are any of my friends. But dammit, making fun of your friends for being gay when they're not is man's oldest tradition.
ReplyDelete"You know how I know you're gay? You have a bumper sticker that reads 'I love it when balls are in my face."
ReplyDelete"...That's gay?!"
Careful man. It is a high crime to say that these days. Don't you realize that someone, somewhere is going to get offended? Neanderthal. Clearly you have latent homosexual issues.
ReplyDelete"I'M TRYING TO LISTEN TO THE FUCKING SONG!"
ReplyDeleteWould you like to come to the pants party?
ReplyDeleteBlack Dynamite: "Euphoria, shut the fuck up! I know that was you, I ain't even gotta
ReplyDeletelook! I should send your ass back to Crenshaw Pete with his hot-ass coat
hangers, bitch. Would you like that"
"3,000 years of beautiful tradition from Moses to Sandy Koufax. You're goddamn right I'm living in the fucking past! "
ReplyDelete----
"Entering without a search warrant, destroying property, arson...sexual assault with a concrete dildo?"
----
"Hey! Don't call me fat, you fucking Jew!"
"Eric! Did you just say the F-Word?!?"
"...Jew?"
----
"Walter, you can't do that. These guys are like me, they're pacifists. Smokey was a conscientious objector."
"You know Dude, I myself dabbled with pacifism at one point. Not in 'Nam, of course..."
" And you know Smokey has emotional problems!"
"You mean beyond pacifism?"
---
"Hey, where da white women at?"
---
"Sed-a-give! Give him a sed-a-give!"
WHEN I SAY WHO'S THE MASTER...YOU SAY.....SHOOOOOOOO'NUFF
ReplyDelete"Donuts don't wear alligator shoes."
ReplyDeleteToo good.
"I'm a lead farmer, motherfucker!"
ReplyDelete"No, Phil, he's not all right. A man does not refer to Pat Boone as a beautiful genius if things are all right."
ReplyDeleteWho's the Master?!?!
ReplyDeleteI AM!!!
No, Kane was an allegory for William Randolph Hearst, and that's what he called his wife's twat.
ReplyDeleteI laugh every time I hear "How'd you get the beans above the frank?"
ReplyDeleteTo be fair, he might just like dick.
ReplyDeleteI wasn't working here at the time but supposedly my company sent around a memo outright baning employees from watching that movie, even on their own time (not that they could do that, but still). I see their point but it could be worse.
ReplyDeleteSo not true! Every day I suck dick to prove that I don't enjoy it! I do not have an unquenchable thirst that can only be satiated by the flesh of man! I DO NOT!
ReplyDeleteHow did Tara Reid go from offering to suck dick for money on film to offering to do it in real life?
ReplyDeleteFletch is pretty underrated. I know people often cite it for comedy, but just as a film, it's fantastic. I went into it expecting a simple comedy, but you get this fantastic mystery/detective story. I loved the hell out of it.
ReplyDeleteHonest to God, as a writer, it's been my mission in life to one day get a story printed so I can have that as the title.
ReplyDeletePHILLIP! PHILLIP, MAN! I knew that was you!
"i have to return some videotapes."
ReplyDeleteMaybe my favorite line in TDK. Very subtle, yet gives The Joker so much character.
ReplyDeleteGuys, please stop saying gay. Its really going to hurt someone's feelings. Somewhere. Don't know who....but someone.
ReplyDeleteSee. He can quit anytime he wants!
ReplyDeleteHe ... just doesn't want to today.
It's odd how sometimes the mis-remembered quote is the one that sticks with you. Amongst my friends we can still crack each other up with our half-remembered version of that scene.
ReplyDelete"I know you, you're Kareem Abdul-Jabbar!"
"No, I'm Roger Murdock. I'm the co-pilot."
"My dad says you got no hustle."
*wackiness ensues*
A great scene. Even though we were astounded that we all were quoting it wrong...
Well thanks to the QOTD I was inspired to watch Major League again. Here are some more quotes.
ReplyDelete"It says right here in my contract that I don't have to do any calisthenics that I don't feel are necessary. So what do you think about that?"
Lou Brown pisses on the contract.
"You put snot...on the ball?"
"I need a catcher Jake. Someone who can lead this team on the field. So I want the absolute truth. Are you 100 Percent?"
"Yeah. Would I bullshit you about something like that?
"You better. You want to make this team."
This is the second time in this thread that you've posted about this.
ReplyDeleteDo you have some sort of hard-on for believing you're oppressed?
Ruthless People :
ReplyDelete"Did I understand you correctly?? I'm being MARKED DOWN??? What is this, the bargain basement???? [starts crying] I've been kidnapped by K-maaaartt!
Commando :
"Where's Sully?"
"I let him go."
Casablanca :
"You can't shut me down! On what grounds?"
"im shocked! Shocked to discover gambling is going on here!"
[beat]
"Your winnings, sir."
"Oh yes, thank you very much..."
Adventures of Robin Hood :
"Why, you speak treason!"
"Fluently."
(Craig Robinson from "Knocked Up" as The Bouncer who won't let two old chicks in)
ReplyDelete"Look.....I'd LOOOVE to tap that ass....I would tear that ass UP.....but I can't let you in cuz....(speaking slowly for effect) cuz...you....OLD...as...F*CK...for this club but not for...you know, The Earth"
Nope. Not even implied. But do note, gay was said several times… and yet no one cried, no one died, world kept on spinning and we took it in stride. Feels pretty good, actually. Think the guys above me might agree.
ReplyDeleteAlways found the following lines from Ryan Stiles's character in Hot Shots Part Deux really amusing and still cracks me up to this day:
ReplyDeleteRabinowitz: Know what I'm gonna do if we make it? I'm gonna go back to Eagle River and marry my gal, Edith Mae. Gonna get us a nice little place with a white picket fence. You know the kind. Two-car garage. Maybe a fishing boat. And in 15 years, when they're all paid for... I'll set my charges and blow the shit out of them.
Also I still snicker at the following exchange with Charlie Sheen's character Topper Harley (I can't believe I'm giving Charlie Sheen of all people credit for funny lines):
Rabinowitz: What are you reading?
Topper: Great Expectations.
Rabinowitz: Is it any good?
Topper: It's not what I'd hoped for.
Its a fucking classic I'd watch any time.
ReplyDeleteI hate the back of Forrest Witaker's neck!
ReplyDeleteThere is no way...*no way*...that YOU could come from MY loins! When we get home, remind me to punch your momma in the mouth!
ReplyDelete"I don't think I'll ever get over Macho Grande."
ReplyDeleteOne of my favourite movie scenes ever is the discussion Seth has with Evan on the field after Jules asked him to buy her alcohol..."
ReplyDelete"Jules and her stupid fuckin' friend came up to me and they ask me to buy
her alcohol. But not just her, for her whole party. You know what that
means? By some divine miracle we were paired up and she actually thought
of me. Thought of me enough to decide that I was the guy she would
trust with the whole funness of her party. She wants to fuck me, she
wants my dick *dramatic pause* in and around her mouth. "
"You don't think that she's just using you to buy her alcohol, she doesn't want your dick."
"No, she's got an older brother and she could've asked him but she asked
me. She looked me in the eyes and said 'Seth, Momma's making a pubi
salad and I need some Seth's Own dressing.' She's D.T.F. - down to fuck
man. P and Vagi, she wants to *boots Soccer ball* fuck man! Tonight is a night that fucking is an actual possibility."
"You just sound like an idiot, you're not gonna be able to sleep with her."
No, dude, I don't want to talk a lot of shit ok. But she's gonna be at
the party, and she's gonna be drunk, and she likes me a
little, enough to get with me. At the very least I'll make out with her,
two weeks hand job, month blow job, whatever whatever. And then, I make
her my girlfriend. And I've got like two solid months of sex. By the
time college rolls around I'll be like the Iron Chef of pounding vaj!"
The whole scene with him as the ump.
ReplyDelete"And the flowers . . are still . . standing!"
ReplyDeleteIts from a song but still:
ReplyDelete"You dont have to spend your life addicted to smack, homeless on the streets giving handjobs for crack"
for shooo sounds better.
ReplyDelete"Lets get of of mammas, cause I just got offa yours!" I actually used that the other day. Great movie.
ReplyDeletePsychiatrist who has just reentered the room after not listening the whole time
ReplyDelete"Rest stops are a homo hangout."
Ben Stillers wait what reaction to that line adds to it.