Greetings, buckshots.
Today we have a question from Magoonie. Anyone wanting to send a question in, do so at caliberw@hotmail.com.
"Hey Caliber, been really enjoying QOTD, good stuff and gets some good discussions going. My question seems a bit morbid because it very much is. Let's say all the wrestlers who passed away went to heaven or some kind of afterlife (with the exception of one). What would be your ultimate HeavenMania card look like? Thanks and keep up the good work man."
Interesting question. Instead of drumming up a whole card, I'll list my three big matches that'll bring everybody in.
Curt Hennig vs Rick Rude - They've been friends forever, always talking about how tough they were. But finally the question is asked, who's toughest? Who's the greater IC champion? Who did Bobby Heenan love more?
British Bulldog vs Owen Hart - Bulldog is pissed because when he first got to Heaven, Owen pulled a rib on him that had him thinking he was in hell. Plus, Owen is still sore after losing the Euro Championship from their classic match-up on Raw.
Eddie Guerrero vs Macho Man Randy Savage - The Latino Heat vs the Madness. Both high-flyers, both innovators and former WWE Champions. This one settles who the greatest deceased wrestler is. The Other World Heavyweight Championship is on the line.
How say you?
Today we have a question from Magoonie. Anyone wanting to send a question in, do so at caliberw@hotmail.com.
"Hey Caliber, been really enjoying QOTD, good stuff and gets some good discussions going. My question seems a bit morbid because it very much is. Let's say all the wrestlers who passed away went to heaven or some kind of afterlife (with the exception of one). What would be your ultimate HeavenMania card look like? Thanks and keep up the good work man."
Interesting question. Instead of drumming up a whole card, I'll list my three big matches that'll bring everybody in.
Curt Hennig vs Rick Rude - They've been friends forever, always talking about how tough they were. But finally the question is asked, who's toughest? Who's the greater IC champion? Who did Bobby Heenan love more?
British Bulldog vs Owen Hart - Bulldog is pissed because when he first got to Heaven, Owen pulled a rib on him that had him thinking he was in hell. Plus, Owen is still sore after losing the Euro Championship from their classic match-up on Raw.
Eddie Guerrero vs Macho Man Randy Savage - The Latino Heat vs the Madness. Both high-flyers, both innovators and former WWE Champions. This one settles who the greatest deceased wrestler is. The Other World Heavyweight Championship is on the line.
How say you?
Pillman - Owen. Family man Owen Hart wants to live out his afterlife in peace, but he didn't count on the Loose Cannon. We're assuming everyone to be at the top of their physical and psychological games, right?
ReplyDeleteRic Flair vs. Hulk Hogan so Flair can job to him on yet another terrestrial plane.
ReplyDeleteAll technicians aside, who would be the best options for a brutal power match? My gut says it would likely be Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Mike Awesome, though maybe Hawk should be thrown in to make it a triple threat.
ReplyDeleteKudos, Caliber - great picks!
ReplyDeleteAssuming everyone is in their prime, here is my card:
ReplyDeleteKerry Von Erich vs. Randy Savage
Eddie Guerrero vs. Owen Hart
Bruiser Brody vs. Buzz Sawyer
Adrian Adonis & Dick Murdoch vs. Terry Gordy & Steve Williams
Rick Rude vs. Mitsuhara Misawa
Curt Hennig vs. Brian Pillman
Mike Awesome vs. British Bulldog
The New Bulldogs (Benoit/Smith) versus La Pareja del Terror (Art Barr/Eddie Guerrero)
ReplyDeleteTalk about high-flying, fast-paced excitement!
First thing that comes to my mind as an absolute definite for a HeavenMania card is Gorilla Monsoon on commentary.....
ReplyDeleteoh and as for the card:
Rick Rude v Randy Savage
Got to go with Caliber on Owen Hart v Bulldog
Eddie Guerrero v Chris Be.... I mean Curt Hennig
Bruiser Brody v Umaga
Yokozuna v Andre the Giant
Mitsuharu Misawa/Bam Bam Bigelow v Steve Williams/Terry Gordy
Mike Awesome v Test
Chris Candido v Kanyon
Brian Pillman v Matt Bourne as the Original Doink (I like the sound of the Loose Cannon versus the psychotic clown)
I also considered the idea of a tag match pitting Owen Hart and Bulldog against the Survivor Series 1992 dream team of Randy Savage and Curt Hennig.
ReplyDeleteCrush vs Hawk in a proper LOD vs Demolition feud. They can even do it War Games style where they fight until one of their partners dies and joins in. Then it's a double team until the next guy dies.
ReplyDeleteThat would be a loooooooong fucking match.
ReplyDeleteRoyal Rumble. The 2 latest dead guys start and the next 28 wrestlers who die enter when they croak. So Brad Armstrong and Paul Bearer starts and by gawd! The buzzer just hit and that's Doink's music!
ReplyDeleteWarGames Heaven vs Hell. Team Captains are Savage and Benoit.
ReplyDeleteNo Chris Benoit in a "Three Stages of Hell" match?
ReplyDeleteElizabeth might have some questions about why Savage is on the Heaven team. Maybe Owen?
ReplyDeleteOf course she would, she is managing Team Hell!
ReplyDelete"People are literally hanging from the clouds up here!"
ReplyDelete--Pillman leading his evil Horsemen/Hart Foundation combo team of himself, Benoit, Owen, and Bulldog against the nWo-gone-good superteam of Savage, Hennig, Rude, and Crush (add Beef Wellington and Louie Spicolli if you wanna go for the 5 man thing)
ReplyDelete-- The Public Enemy vs. Chris Candido and Bam Bam Bigelow of the Triple Threat in an ECW hardcore match
--Trent Acid vs. Brad Armstrong. Gotta put over the young talent.
-- Eddie Guerrero vs. Mitsuharu Misawa, Mexico vs. Japan in a battle for supremacy.
--Mortis vs. Doink, mask vs. makeup.
-- Kerry and David von Erich vs. Buddy Jack Roberts and Terry Gordy, for obvious reasons.
--Andre the Giant vs. Yokozuna, to decide wrestling's true greatest giant.
--Bruiser Brody vs. Steve Williams. Fuck yeah.
I think he's spending eternity having to carry Giant Gonzalez to a ***** match every night. And I'll probably be joining him for making jokes like that.
ReplyDelete--Pillman leading his evil Horsemen/Hart Foundation combo team of himself, Benoit, Owen, and Bulldog against the nWo-gone-good superteam of Savage, Hennig, Rude, and Crush (add Beef Wellington and Louie Spicolli if you wanna go for the 5 man thing)
ReplyDelete-- The Public Enemy vs. Chris Candido and Bam Bam Bigelow of the Triple Threat in an ECW hardcore match
--Trent Acid vs. Brad Armstrong. Gotta put over the young talent.
-- Eddie Guerrero vs. Mitsuharu Misawa, Mexico vs. Japan in a battle for supremacy.
--Mortis vs. Doink, mask vs. makeup.
-- Kerry and David von Erich vs. Buddy Jack Roberts and Terry Gordy, for obvious reasons.
--Andre the Giant vs. Yokozuna, to decide wrestling's true greatest giant.
--Bruiser Brody vs. Steve Williams. Fuck yeah.
How fucking sad is it that this question can actually be discussed?
ReplyDeleteThe breakup of the Miracle Violence Connection.
ReplyDeleteJake Roberts has a distinct advantage then... HOW THE FUCK IS HE STILL ALIVE?
ReplyDeleteBruiser Brody Vs Terry Gordy with pre brain damaged Gordy would be off the chain.
ReplyDeleteSpecial Promo: Andy Kaufman taunts Jerry Lawler for being too chicken to come to Heaven.
ReplyDeleteOr that there are TAG TEAMS available.
ReplyDeleteOr team them up AGAINST the aforementioned team. WCW vs. ECW?
ReplyDeleteWell, my idea of heaven is me, my friends, my family, and many favorite wrestlers all watching Chris Benoit getting raped by the devil.
ReplyDeleteupvoters still go to heaven though right??
ReplyDeleteThere's only one way to do this... Royal Rumble.
ReplyDeleteMr. Perfect is #1
Savage is #2
Andre is #30
The rest doesn't matter... although maybe we need to wait for Pat Patterson to die to book it properly.
Crush vs. Crash Holly
ReplyDeleteElimination Rules
The Suicide Stable (Chris Benoit, Kerry Von Erich, Mike Awesome, Ludvig Borga, Chris Kanyon) vs. The Heart Failure Foundation (British Bulldog, Eddie Guerrero, Yokozuna, Big Bossman, Road Warrior Hawk)
Drugs in the Bank (for briefcase full of drugs)
Rick Rude vs. Mr. Perfect vs. Brian Pillman vs. Umaga vs. Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Test
6-Man Tag
Andre the Giant, Big John Studd, Junkyard Dog vs. Hercules, Dino Bravo, Doink the Clown
Main Event
Randy Savage vs. Owen Hart
(because, shit, you’re probably going to want to send the crowd home happy after all that)
Oh man, I love the idea of Owen ribbing the Bulldog into thinking he was in hell, I end up picturing Owen, possibly dressed as Hitler, posing with a bunch of cardboard cutouts of devils and flames. Thanks for the laugh good sir. Your card's beginnings look great, here's how I would round it out, as I was mostly a WWF fan it ends up being more like "WWF Heaven" than "Wrestling Heaven" but here we are:
ReplyDeleteAndre the Giant vs. Yokozuna
Earthquake vs Bam Bam Bigelow
Doink vs. Brian Pillman (Evil Clown vs. Loose Cannon. Before the match, Jack Tunney appears to announce that he has spoken with God, and they have agreed unequivocally that there is to only ever be one Doink in heaven)
Hawk vs. Crush
Big Bossman vs Bad News Brown
Triple Threat: Crash Holly vs Louie Spicolli vs Chris Candido
Mike Awesome vs. Test
I'm sure there could be more but that looks like a pretty good card right there. Now if you'll excuse me, I think I have something in my eye...
Let me take a bong rip and think about this one.
ReplyDeleteCaliber, thanks for picking my question, sorry if I used the wrong email to send it though. Here's my card in no particular order.
ReplyDeleteOwen, Smith, Pillman and Perfect vs Kerry, David Mike Von Erich and Gordy: WARGAMES
Fabulous Moolah vs Sensational Sherri
Rick Rude vs Adrion Adonis
Umaga vs Dr. Death Steve Williams
Test vs Crash Holly: just let these two have a match on the card, it's heaven after all.
Hawk vs Brody
Andre vs Awesome
JYD vs Bad News Brown
Bigelow vs Yokozuna
Bossman vs Benoit: similiar to Bossmans Summerslam 92 match, if Bossman wins he handcuffs Benoit and instead of taking him to jail takes him to hell. Spoilers: Bossman wins!
Savage vs Eddie
No problem, it was a good question. Also, no worries about the email, I have all my emails from faucetofslfame sent to caliberw. I was surprised you used it because I hadn't used it in months, so, good detective work.
ReplyDeleteI forgot all about Awesome. I'd have to have him in a hardcore match against Bigelow.
Props on the Heart Failure Foundation.
ReplyDeletedamn good choices.
ReplyDeleteHave you seen Card Subject To Change?
You know , not all dead wrestlers come from the 80s-90s era. Both Lou Thez and Buddy Rogers are still very much deceased.
ReplyDeleteNo one has even made the obvious Benoit vs Ed "Stangler" Lewis match yet
I thought about throwing in a Gotch/Hackenschmidt rematch, but I shudder to think how long that would go if they literally had all of eternity.
ReplyDeleteYeah, caught that one on Netflix. Pretty sad, if he'd have not been such a flake he could've gone to at least TNA and been something.
ReplyDeleteI like your WarGames idea, though Mike von Erich was never much into wrestling anyway, so I'd replace him with Chris Adams. I'd also swap Owen and Gordy.
ReplyDeleteI think cerebral Eddie and wildman Savage would have tremendous chemistry both as opponents and as a team. Good call there.
Actually, as a crazy team feared by both faces and heels, how about Savage and Brody?
I liked the "Suicide Stable" too LOL
ReplyDeleteThey have PLENTY of time. A wrestling match in Heaven could take decades to watch.. sort of like watching a 3-Hour Raw.
ReplyDelete"Highly Unlikely"
ReplyDeleteHeavenMania: Judgement Day
ReplyDelete,
Ringside Commentators - Gorilla Monsoon & Freddie Blassie & Gordon Solie
Referees - Joey Marella &Dick Woehrle
Dark Match
Rick McGraw vs Iron Mike Sharpe
$250,000 Battle Royale:
Andre The Giant, Haystacks Calhoun, Giant Baba, Yokozuna, Giant Gonzales, Big John Studd, Gorgeous George, Bam Bam Bigelow, Uncle Elmer, Earthquake, Crush, Bruiser Brody, Ed "The Bull" Gantner, Bastion Booger, "Playboy" Buddy Rose, Peter Maivia, S.D. Jones, Ernie Ladd, Dino Bravo, The Missing Link, Mike Awesome, Chief Jay Strongbow, Dick The Bruiser, Chris Candido, Bad News Brown, Jerry Blackwell, Hercules Hernandez, Terry "Bam Bam" Brody, Test, Doink The Clown, Road Warrior Hawk
Tag Team Dog Collar Match:
Rufus R Jones & Junkyard Dog vs Dick Murdoch & Adrian Adonis
Mortis & Umaga w/ Sir Oliver Humperdink vs Public Enemy
Big Bossman w/ Capt Lou Albano vs Ludvig Borga w/ The Shiek
Texas Street-Fight
Eddie Gilbert, Chris Adams & Gino Hernandez vs David, Kerry & Mike Von Erich
Tag-Title Match:
Rick Rude & Curt Hennig vs Owen Hart & British Bulldog
MAIN EVENT RING ANNOUNCER - Ray Combs
Triple Threat Match:
Randy Savage w/ Miss Elizabeth vs Eddie Guerrero w/ Sapphire vs Chris Benoit w/ Woman
How'd Iron Mike Sharpe get booked?
ReplyDeleteDOH!! Ummm.. He died after his arm brace got infected?
ReplyDeleteI so thought he was dead. my bad.. I'll just substitute Brady Boone (BattleKat) for Sharpe.