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Your Go-To Meme From Now On...

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Tell 'em, Steve-Dave.

Comments

  1. Thanks for this Thanksgiving gift Scott. I'm throughly entertained by ALL of Bakers stuff but it takes me 4-5 attempts to get through 1 email. The run in sentences and intense scattered thought just fucking hurt my head. This one did seem a little more coherent tho.

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  2. That who have no life.....

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  3. Now how does he really feel? Man if only ppl cheered him when he tapped to Brock maybe he would have rode into the sunset.....not

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  4. This is awesome. I REALLY wish he would say this on tv. It would be tremoundous

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  5. I guarantee Jesse believes in every single conspiracy theory known to man.

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  6. Love the Tesd podcast.

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  7. I actually find these scenarios to be quite reasonable.


    *checks into mental hospital.*

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  8. Gotta love how this year of HHH shitting on Bryan and Punk will eventually lead to... Punk vs Bryan in the opening match of Mania, plus HHH vs Cena and Orton vs Roman Reigns.

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  9. What the fuck did I just read?

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  10. But he's no Jesse Ventura.

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  11. What if he did it in the smarkest town possible?

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  12. I'd INSTANTLY become a big HHH fan. No lie.

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  13. So in the end, no matter what happens, HHH wins.

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  14. Lol. I guess so. HHH dominates the game of life again it appears.

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  15. Bet your head hurts after reading that one, eh?

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  16. He definitely doesn't listen to weight lifting tips from Punk.

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  17. Stranger in the AlpsNovember 28, 2013 at 7:56 AM

    You know, I enjoy a good roasting just as much as the rest of you, and Jesse is the best candidate for said roasting.

    But I'm fucking tired of his fucking scenarios and his fucking theories and his fucking mental problems and his fucking fuck fuck.

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  18. Stranger in the AlpsNovember 28, 2013 at 8:08 AM

    "If you read the Twitter scrolls every Monday night, we're doing a good job. Unlike the Blog of Doom, those geeks."

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  19. It's still real to me.

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  20. Am I the only thing who thinks #1 is…. kind of feasible? Vince turns on HHH because he aligned himself with Orton, who punted him in the head and DDT'd his little girl?


    I'm probaby just hung over.

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  21. It is slightly feasible, but I can't live in a world in which Jesses scenarios make sense. The madness

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  22. Stranger in the AlpsNovember 28, 2013 at 8:24 AM

    I have not made up my mind if he is a troll, or a total hardcore mindfuck of a wrestling nut. Or maybe I'm just jealous that he is more obsessed over this shit than I will ever be.

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  23. You definitely should not be jealous. I'm thinking option 2. When I first started seeing his stuff I thought he was literally a 14 year old on lots of ritalin. Finding out he wasn't took his stuff from "harmlessly amuisng" to "disturbingly weird"

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  24. Jesse Baker, please explain why Brock Lesnar is a lazy fuck

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  25. 4th Scenario: Fucking glitter. EVERYWHERE. Vince begins carrying around Johnny B Badd's glitter gun and shooting anyone who annoys him with it. This leads to the return of Marc Mero as Johnny B Badd, but they also refer to him as Marc Mero just to make sure we know this is real. Then Vince blasts Badd Mero in the face with the gun, setting up a Wrestlemania Glitter Gun on a Pole match. Vince still wins, because fuck Marc Mero.

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  26. No one's crazy enough to believe in the lizard people.

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  27. I just listened to the Keller and Meltzer Steve Austin episodes. Funny how much Austin talks about dirt sheets being passed around. I'm willing to bet Triple H and WWE corporate pay a lot more attention to the internet than most people think. My theory is that so many casuals are gone what's left is a large portion of the fan base being aware of and interested in where to go online to find rumors and such.

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  28. Another scenario. Colin Powell ain't readin' all that shit.

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  29. It's already been established that HHH loves trolling the smarks. At the very least it seems he would try to, I don't know, turn it into a way to make money, or something like that.

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  30. (Have Vince reveal that he was willing to accept say, Punk as HHH's corporate champion when he greenlighted HHH's plan)


    Go home, Jesse.

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  31. I think Punk being Vince's corporate choice is so stupid it hurts. Nothing about Punk says corporate.

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  32. I still find it hilarious he was trying to get the HBK sympathy and instead he just got YOU TAPPED OUT chants

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  33. Or he did and just don't give a fuck. For a recent example of this, see: Iraq War.

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  34. ARRRRGH THE BARBARIANNovember 28, 2013 at 9:26 AM

    Awesome. Too bad he won't commit to the character 100%, since every time he goes out for his speeches on Raw he finds a way to get face heat on someone

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  35. I absolutely *love* the HHH corporate character, all facets of it. I'm aware I will get scorned for that but I can deal with the hate of all the internet geeks!!! ;)

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  36. We're all doing fine and dandy until we hit the "FINALLY" in Option 2, and then we get full on Baked. I love it.



    I have no idea what #2 is. #1 is simple and makes sense. #3, once you scrape off some of the odd delivery and more bizarre details, is pretty creative in a fan-fic kind of way.

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  37. Yeah, they've been pretty hilarious. I love how uncomfortable Cole is throughout them, too.

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  38. Agreed - he's a FANTASTIC dickhead heel, and I've really enjoyed watching him and Steph play their latest roles.


    Now if only the booking made sense.

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  39. I was thinking about this the other day....quick, name 1 truly dickhead thing hes done since SS? Give Big Show his job back? Tell the fans he has thir best interests in mind? Say "best for business" to much? He hasnt done anything heinous. Its like theyre trying to get him mass amount of heel heat but dont want him to do anything truly heelish. Brilliant writing wwe

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  40. The metnal image of Vince shooting a glitter gun into Meros face is just fantastic.

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  41. Oh man, this was the funniest thing I've read all week. Thank you sir!

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  42. David Icke has a fortune that says otherwise

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  43. You're right but if we go to the genesis of all this, Vince picked Foley (Dude Love) to try and beat Austin for the title right after Austin won it. Foley is nowhere near corporate. So Vince could once again be picking somebody he doesn't like but is better than the current champion.

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  44. I dunno, if you turn the picture to a 90 degree angle, squint and jump up and down on your left foot you can kinda see lizard people on the grassy knowl.

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  45. You know, give credit where credit is due, Jesse is one creative mofo. It takes serious talent to come up with these storylines. I think I would rather see a Jesse Baker booked RAW (Baked RAW? RAW Baked?) than what's on now. At least for a few months. The batshit craziness would be entertaining at least.

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  46. Didn't Foley pick himself by saving McMahon from Austin as Dude Love? I can't see Punk saving McMahon. Even as a heel he hated Vince.

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  47. Two quick questions for your 1 and 3 scenarios:
    -If Vince has been pissed this whole time; where the hell has he been? What's the explanation of Vince never confronting Triple H at any time if he's been pissed for so long? Lets just say that the two don't work in the same building or live in the same state or the possibility of Vince renting a steam roller and running over random things in a parking lot, putting Vince's character into play, where has he been this whole time if super pissed really since Summerslam?
    -The night after Summerslam, Vince is right there at Orton's champion coronation, smiling, shaking Orton's hand and putting his support behind Triple H's decision. If Triple going with Orton ruined Vince's schemes; why was Vince cool with it the night after Summerslam?

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  48. davidbonzaisaldanamontgomeryNovember 28, 2013 at 1:19 PM

    This weekly interview thing is terrific, and bringing that outwardly dickish HHH to TV every week would go a long way in making this story make sense again.

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  49. Yeah, I just wish they put as much effort into giving the fans what they want than they do purposely aggravating them.

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  50. Laugh all you want, but I'd mark like a mofo for #2

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  51. As God as my witness, as crazy as the motherfucker is I would absofuckinglutely rather watch WWE as written by Jesse Baker than the shit they're putting out now. If nothing else it's obvious that he puts an order of magnitude more thought into the television product than they do, at least.

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  52. Meh, for as much as everyone is tired of him now, this is mostly revisionist history. Trips was a bad motherfucker in the ring from ~July 1998 up until the quad injury, and was on another planet starting around No Mercy 1999.

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  53. 1. Why would Kane want to help Bryan? As I recall, Bryan wasn't very nice to Kane during/after the Team Hell No breakup.
    2. I know HHH is Public Enemy #1, but does anyone really think he's a talentless hack?

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  54. And he has always been a bore on the mic. Your point?

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  55. Yeah, his recent DVD doc points out the guy always had that certain something even in his early days with WCW, DX just helped elevate it big time. This was a guy who was going to make it to main event one way or another, the marriage just helped him keep it a bit longer.
    But keep in mind, pretty clear HHH modeled himself after Flair, his whole 2002-2005 dominance was little different than Flair making it all about him in Crockett so much and especially WCW (seriously, 20/20 hindsight says it was right to veto Luger in '88 but as someone watching back then, I can tell you Luger was over HUGE, even a brief run with the belt would have been good for business) so no wonder HHH followed that too.

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  56. I don't really think, in hindsight, that Triple H did much that was too terrible during that run. The only things that were REALLY egregious were not putting Goldberg over at Summerslam and completely burying Booker. But beyond that, none of the guys he supposedly screwed were going to amount to much as main eventers (RVD? Kane? Please). But he did put over Benoit for the big moment at WM20, and then MADE Batista at WM21.

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