You know, if the WWE REALLY is out to bury Bryan, why don't they at least fucking try and make it less obvious.
Armchair Booker Mode On
--------------------------------
Say Kane backstabs HHH and Steph by way of giving Bryan his own interview segment (tying it in with him taking Miz's interview segment, since Miz/Bryan have an unresolved blood feud) and basically allows him to use it to vent against the Authority. That way, Bryan is not actively competing but basically allowing to repeatedly getting over on HHH by calling him out on his bullshit (they can even allow for the first installment of said interview segment involve Bryan reducing HHH to tears ala Quagmire calling Brian out on his shit on Family Guy in terms of HHH FINALLTY showing ass as far as Bryan flat out nailing HHH on his bullshit in ways even HHH can't shrug off, even having Bryan throw Rock's recent super success into HHH's face for extra knife twisting).
Bryan makes HHH cry and HHH goes away for several weeks and we get Bryan having his talk show bit, servicing other storylines and Kane being an asshole to Steph, who can't get the show cancelled no matter how hard she tries to browbeat Kane. Meanwhile we get Miz being treated like a punching bag loser, beating by Orton and generally treated like a bitch and showing up during Bryan's talkshow from time to time, to rant and rave about how Bryan is a usurper, stealing his talk show segment from him as well as his "spot" in the hirarchy in the WWE.
Finally, when HHH comes back, he has Miz (who HHH sees as an agent to destroy Bryan) destroy Bryan's set and tries to destroy Bryan, but is stopped by Bryan's guest for that week's episode: Hulk Hogan. Miz meanwhile vows revenge, leading to him recruiting Shawn Michaels as his second, setting up Bryan/Hogan vs Michaels/Miz at WM, with Bryan and Hogan winning.....
-----------------------------------
This way, Bryan remains strong and given a major place on the card without being reduced to a lowly flunky, can get his full revenge on HHH (who will finally be made to show ass via Bryan being the one who does what no one else, not even CM Punk could not do, and basically destroy HHH and cause him to admit his failures as a human being on every level imaginable, Bryan gets an undercard match with legit heat/storyline motivation (the unresolved Miz/Bryan stuff), and Shawn Michaels gets the humiliation of being made Hogan's bitch again.
... still not as overbooked as the Doctor Who Christmas special.
ReplyDeleteStill better than Yu-Gi-Oh yaoi fanfiction. Not by much, mind you, but still better.
ReplyDeleteI Stopped reading halfway through because I was fearful that if I tried to make sense out of all of this, I would end up suffering a brain hemorrhage.
ReplyDeleteWhy hasn't TNA signed Jesse Baker as their booker? Haven't they already tried everything else by now?
ReplyDeleteI made it up to the Family Guy comparison.
ReplyDelete"Hey Kane, remember the time I was WWE Champion?"
*cutaway to Bryan eating a Pedigree*
"Well, at least it wasn't as bad as when he had sex with my dead girlfriend."
*cutaway to Kane eating a Pedigree*
tl;dr
ReplyDeleteAlso, too small.
Does anyone remember the sound your dial-up modem would make when you attempted to connect to the internet? Well that noise has become self-aware, and calls itself Jesse Baker.
ReplyDeleteHoly FUCKBALLS. I really, really want Jesse Baker's brain to be examined by science. Dead, alive; I don't give a shit. 'Give Bryan his own talk show'? We're through the looking glass, folks. Just put him and Jim Corvette in a room together and throw out some wrestler's name; I put the over/under on Cornette muttering something along the lines of 'thought I was crazy, but this Muppet Baby here is off the chain' and exploding his rectum with the tennis racket at 2 minutes, MAX.
ReplyDeleteWhere's the part where HHH gets anally raped?
ReplyDeleteIm pretty sure they already tried Jesse as booker .....
ReplyDeleteI gotta admit, it takes alot of guts to have DB and HBK in a match, and then think: "you know what thi s needs? Miz and Hogan!"
ReplyDeleteI wonder if there's an alternate universe where Daniel Bryan has been champ for the last 10 years, puts on 40 minute classics every Raw, Smackdown, and PPV. And there's someone who emails Scott with "Fantasy Booking Time!!! What if instead Bryan joined the Wyatt Family..."
ReplyDeleteI think us readers our playing the part of HHH in this Jesse Baker storyline...
ReplyDeleteSomeone always has to be made into a "bitch" in these things.
ReplyDeleteUm..... drugs are bad.
ReplyDeleteWhat was bad about that? My girl and I both hate Matt Smith as the Doctor but were both forced to admit that he'd done a good job in that episode. And 'The Day Of The Doctor' too.
ReplyDeleteHold up a second... *grabs coffee, gets comfy...*
ReplyDeleteAh yes, that's the stuff...
I like how Jesse is so angry that Bryan's being 'buried' that his solution is to bury everyone else on the roster.
ReplyDelete'You Got Baked'
ReplyDeleteI, for one, welcome the day that the Miz/Bryan feud is finally resolved. The lack of closure has lead to too many sleepless nights.
ReplyDeleteDoes anyone else imagine Jesse is just like "Tweak" from that n old South Park?
ReplyDeleteThat's my line!
ReplyDeleteFINALLTY....THE BAKER HAS COME BACK TO THE BLOG OF DOOM.
ReplyDeleteJesse Baker may be the one guy in the world who makes WWE booking look more sane 100 percent of the time.
ReplyDeleteWTF?!?! A Baker email with under 17 "fucks"???
ReplyDeleteI'm waiting for the big reveal that Jesse Baker IS Chris Cucchiara. His book reviews dried up right around the time Jesse returned, and they both have an over the top hatred for DX.
ReplyDeleteTweak is likeable.
ReplyDeleteHold on.
ReplyDelete*Goes to get a cup of tea and gets comfortable.*
Not there, but I did see someone getting "treated like a bitch" and "Making them cry."
ReplyDelete"Bryan makes HHH cry." If this was meant literally then this is crazier then all the rape and aids scenarios he's laid out.
ReplyDeleteI think we need to establish what a burial really is. I'm sure Dolph Ziggler doesn't look at Bryan's position on the card and think he's being buried. At the same time I'm sure JTG would kill to at least be on TV the way Ziggler is.
ReplyDeleteOh... dear
ReplyDeleteI'll give this a shot.
ReplyDelete1) Bryan beat Miz for the US title. In 2011. I'd say that's resolution.
2) Stephanie McMahon is presented as having total control, no way Kane can outrank her.
3) Shawn Michaels as the second for the Miz? No words for that one.
4) Like it or not, the Wyatts are going to play a role.
5) Verbal attacks do not run HHH off, it takes Lesnar or Sheamus for that.
Well I wouldn't be against hogan doing a program with miz and blowing it off in a 5 minute wrestlemania match.
ReplyDeleteI feel like Peter Griffin when he was mugged by Gene Shalit.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mDTwIBTNwkI
I can't even read these...
ReplyDeleteBAK3ED!!!!
ReplyDeleteExactly. I think it's fair to say that his push maybe isn't proportionate to just how over he is, but it's not a burial by any means.
ReplyDeletea mark henry brain-eurysm
ReplyDeleteIt's a BLOOD feud! Get it right!
ReplyDeleteAnd better animated
ReplyDeleteThis email gave me a new appreciation of the end of Monday's show
ReplyDeleteI'm just waiting for Dougie to put his two cents in about Jesse Baker's need for psychiatric care.
ReplyDeleteOuch. I didn't hate the Christmas special like others but I didn't like it either. It felt kinda blah to me. I guess after the 50th Anniversary episode, this was gonna be a let down. Can't wait to see what Capaldi brings to the role.
ReplyDeleteYou hate Matt Smith? Wow. I really enjoy Smith as The Doctor, probably my #3 or #4 Doctor behind Tom Baker, David Tennant and Sylvester McCoy.
ReplyDeleteAll roads lead back to The Miz...
ReplyDeleteShake 'n' BAKE!
He's now trolling us with his LACK of "fucks".
ReplyDeleteYou lost me at Miz and Bryan having an unresolved blood feud.
ReplyDeleteHe just... GURNED way too much. And I LOATHED Rory and Amy "Big Poochie" Pond. And then when they left they had him ride a fucking Union Jack bike, like it was suddenly The Dukes of Hazzard. And then the episode after that, most of the episode was some little girl singing before an extended 20 minute gurnfest about a fucking leaf!
ReplyDeleteI loved McCoy too, he did brilliantly with awful scripts, but Matt Smith... I can tell he is really trying, hard, but I found him awful. And every four episodes he would stand on a roof or a boulder or something and deliver some kind of universe address about how awesome he is. Much like all of the script gushing over Amy, for managing to be Scottish and having a vagina.
The three others are my favourites too, though I was never happier as a fan than last year. Paul. Motherfucking. McGann.
Okay, I'll ask... WHY does he always call him "Bryan Daniels?"
ReplyDeleteI just can't see how working a program with The Miz at Wrestlemania can be considered less of a burial then what's happening now.
ReplyDeleteAnd taking story beats from Family Guy is just not a good idea.
See, to me the problem wasn't Smith at all; the issue here was Moffat's insistence on proving his bro-ness at nearly every turn, to the point of obscuring a relatively well-put together blowoff for his run.
ReplyDeleteI got it. Jesse Baker is Dolphins1925. He's trying to throw us off the scent but can't control the monster he created anymore
ReplyDeleteMessages from Jesse are exactly like Raw: they're incoherent, 1/3 longer than they should be, and nowhere near as entertaining as reading people's reactions to it the next day.
ReplyDeleteI do think the writing is the culprit. Moffat wrote lots of the best stories since the show returned to air, but as a show runner he is the worst combo of fanboy and careless bungler. He's like Russo with no idea of what to do week on week if he's not hinting darkly at ANOTHER "the universe is in peril" arc.
ReplyDeleteTo boost your point from downthread, it's Moffat who mandated that every companion be a Poochie of some sort. RTD had his own problems, sure, but at least every companion was a wholly identifiable person by the time they got onboard the ship.
ReplyDeleteApparently someone disagrees
ReplyDeleteThey're ALWAYS "blood feuds"
ReplyDeleteI have to admit, if this actually occurred, I would be entertained. Especially with HHH crying because someone made fun of him.
ReplyDeleteJesse Baker = Draw!
ReplyDeleteYeah with RTD's tenure I can go back and rewatch endlessly. Didn't realise how good we had it then.
ReplyDeleteYou're right, each companion was a real person and their relationship with the Doctor was always quite different. I think part of the problem is that Amy was Big Poochie (they constantly talk about how amazing and incredible and special and stuff that she is, because... uh...), Rory was dull (if nicely dryly comic, I like the actor), and Clara...
Clair is just a bit of posh English eye candy to go with Matt Smith's stupid Union Jack motorbike. Who is she? Why, she's the most amazing and incredible and special and unique girl ever! AGAIN! But who is she otherwise? A pretty GIRL! Who cares! GIRLS ARE PRETTY!
The only depth I've seen is the same tired old "Let's show the disapproving family back home" shit that we had with EVERY OTHER FUCKING COMPANION SINCE THE REBOOT except for Amy and Rory and that was because they WERE the family.
I do have hope for the new series though because Peter Capaldi is the MAN (with a girl).