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Matt's Main Event Recap - 4/29/2014

Greetings!

I got a lot of shit last week for hating on the Short People Match. Or Midget Match. Is it "little people" or is it "midget" these days? I can never be sure what's acceptable. I had heard one guy tell me "midget" was "unacceptable" and "offensive". Another person "of that stature", he told me, "Little people is degrading because we're ALL people!"

I can't win. So, I must say I apologize if I have offended anyone.

Yes, I'm pandering but this is more emotionally confessional and apologetic than Donald Sterling will show in the next week or so before everyone forgets about that guy because playoffs and fake outrage and 15 minutes.

Suffice to say, I will try not to let me my "bias" for "well-mannered shorter people matches" taint my reviews...

And now for something completely different...

We are LIVE(!) from The Sprint Center in Kansas City, Missouri!

Byron Saxton and Tom Phillips are the dudes in headsets.

MATCH #1: Goldust (w/ Cody Rhodes) vs. Alberto Del Rio
Like an old married couple, Goldust and Cody are still somehow together. We see clips from the latest Dust/Rhodes spat from RAW. Dust starts on the attack but Del Rio counters with his own punches in the corner. They lock up and Del Rio gets tossed into the corner. He tries a splash on Del Rio but misses and Del Rio hits the Backstabber already meaning, like sex between an old married couple, this match is gonna start strong and have a pre-mature finish. After a two-count, Del Rio chokes Dust on the ropes. Dust gets to his feet and Del Rio slams him and hits a headlock. DUst is up again so Del Rio kicks at his legs. Dust is tossed into the ropes and Del Rio misses a clothesline. Dust comes back, hits an uppercut and powerslam. Two count. Del Rio tosses Dust into the corner and hits the Enzuguri and Back Suplex. He goes for the Championship Kick of Faded Glory and Dust catches it and hits the Final Cut for the win at 3:09.
WINNER: Goldust via Final Cut
GRADE: C-. About the same as the Del Rio/Rhodes match from RAW.

Post-match, Renee Young, taking a break from her job popping Skittles and chugging Rockstar Pure Zero, comes into the ring, seemingly, from the same place where unconscious wrestlers in Fatal Four-Way matches end up. She wants to know if the Rhodes Brothers are breaking up. Dust can't believe his ears and does his trademark breathing, exhaling in her face. He says that they're going to stay together. Rhodes is insecure at first, asking if Young thinks Dustin's better than he is. Dust says that wasn't what Young meant. Rhodes apologizes and says that they will remain together and that the brotherhood is strong.

TONIGHT'S MAIN EVENT: Sheamus vs. Bray Wyatt

A look at John Cena and his contributions to the Make-a-Wish Foundation. It's hard not to be moved by this.

You can text, "WISH" to 80088 to donate $10 to Make-a-Wish if you so choose.

We come back to the Sprint Center where Phillips and Saxton plug the big Smackdown Fatal 4-Way for the United States Championship, a title about as meaningful and significant as All Dogs Go to Heaven II. Anyhow, Del Rio, Ryback, and Axel will be facing Ambrose for it, if you're interested.

MATCH #2: WWE Divas Champion Paige vs. Alicia Fox (non-title)
A lock-up leads to the girls rolling outside of the ring. Paige climbs up on the mat and kicks Fox, then hits a Hurricarana of sorts. She rolls Fox back in and Fox decides to roll back out the other end. Paige tries to drag her back in by her hair so Fox slaps her, comes back in the ring and tosses her head into the buckle. She applies a headlock pin on Paige and gets a one-count. She locks in another headlock but Paige fights out and gets to the corner. Paige elbows her there, moves away, charges and Fox kicks her in the face. Another melee in the corner ends with Paige losing her shit and whipping Fox around by her hair. She tangles Fox in the ropes and kicks her, then gets on top of her which Fox reverses into a pin for one. They both try suplexes but block one another until Paige just reverses Fox's final suplex attempt into a DDT for the win at 3:34.
WINNER: Paige via DDT
GRADE: D+. Pairing Paige with some really unqualified women is just not working here.

Post-match, Tamina Snuka is waiting for Paige at the top of the entrance ramp. Paige nearly backs into her and they stare at each other until Tamina backs off and goes back to base.


Tom Phillips and Byron Saxton talk up Cena and Bray Wyatt in their cage match this coming Sunday. They even offer to "take us back" to Cenation vs. Sheepnation on RAW. This was an incredible spot. If you missed it, YouTube that shit.

This Sunday, it's Cena vs. Wyatt in the Steel Cage at Extreme Rules.

Renee Young is backstage with Sheamus, fella. He talks about the Wyatts, saying that he took guys like them apart back in Ireland. Fella.

A plug for Legends House. This week, the guys go bowling against old women. "Genuinely funny" says Entertainment Weekly.

Unfortunately, Adam Rose was off the X long enough to find his way to RAW this Monday.

MATCH #3: Kofi Kingston vs. Bad News Barrett
Kofi's out to receive his monthly squash and Barrett has some Bad News: Big E is boring as a piece of toast and he'll be the champ on Sunday. Barrett kicks Kofi after a lock-up. He tries a side suplex off the ropes but Kofi reverses, landing on his feet and hits a Cross Body after a series of kicks. The two run around the ring off the ropes until Barrett catches him and hits the Spinning Backbreaker. Barrett sets up the Bullhammer but Kofi counters with a quick roll-up pin for two and then drop kicks him out of the ring. Kofi attacks him and nearly gets tossed into the steel steps. Instead, he jumps over them, comes back charging and runs into the Bullhammer and we're done at 2:26,
WINNER: Barrett via Bullhammer
GRADE: D+. Glorified squash.

NEXT: "Highlights" of Brie and Bryan getting terrorized by The UnderKaner.

You must NO-LIEVE, er, BO-LIEVE.
(Girlfriend: "What the hell was THAT?! Is he NEW? Where's Adam?! Give me Adam with his drunken bus and the dancing bunnies and the Hungry Hippos and rainbow guy...I'd drink with him..."

Then, it's the promised abuse footage.

Wyatts are here. So, I'm assuming it's match time.

Commercial for Total Divas and then ANOTHER Cena/Bray/Extreme Rules plug because, apparently, I missed a couple of weeks and Cena's really the champ.

MATCH #4: Bray Wyatt (w/ Luke Harper & Eric Rowan) vs. Sheamus
Bray milks the singing gimmick for everything it's worth until Sheamus shows up. A couple lock-ups end with even posturing, then Sheamus hits a shoulderblock. Wyatt attacks in the corner after a moment and then Sheamus comes back with punches. Bray punches back and chokes Sheamus on the ropes until Sheamus grabs Bray by the beard and hits him. Sheamus goes off the ropes with a knee and gets a one-count. He tries for the Beats outside the ropes but the Family pulls Bray off the mat to the floor and then trade glares with Sheamus as we take a break.

After the break, Bray hits an uppercut on Sheamus in the ring. Sheamus retreats outside and Bray follows him. Sheamus just runs over him with a shoulderblock. He rams Bray's head into the announce table and drags him to the mat. The two fight outside the ropes until Bray drops Sheamus's head on the ropes and gets two. He hits the Senton on Sheamus, then taunts the crowd, asking them if Sheamus is "really their warrior". He whips Sheamus into the buckle and gets a one-count. Bray puts Sheamus into a chinlock but Sheamus breaks out and punches back. Bray quickly grabs him and hits a slam then tries another Senton but Sheamus brings his knees up and Bray's hurt. They both get to their feet and Sheamus hits hits punches, forearms and his knee lift. Bray's in the corner and Sheamus hits a knee lift. He goes off the top rope but jumps down when he sees Bray charging at him and ends up in an Irinaki Slam. Bray gets two, then goes into Demon Spider Mode. He tries Sister Abigail but Sheamus reverses into White Noise and gets a VERY near fall.

Bray gets up and hits a punch and tries to charge at Bray who hits a back drop but Sheamus lands on his feet outside the ropes and hits the Ten Beats. Sheamus hits the top rope, hitting the Battering Ram and gets two. The two men run at each other and Bray hits a forearm and ANOTHER close two count. Crowd is eating this up, doing the "THIS IS AWESOME" chant. Sheamus is in the corner and Bray charges and Sheamus MISSES the Brogue! Bray rushes at him again and ends up in the Irish Curse Backbreaker for two! Wow...he gets up and sets up the Brogue again but Rowan pulls on Sheamus's foot. Bray runs at Sheamus who grabs Bray and hits a Powerslam for two. Sheamus picks Bray up and tries White Noise but gets put into the ropes instead. He runs into Rowan who leaps off the mat, then runs at Harper with a Brogue but misses and gets caught on the top rope. Bray finishes with Sister Abigail at 13:37.
WINNER: Bray via Sister Abigail
GRADE: A-. These are the matches that Sheamus needs. He's a machine. He has so many moves and surprises. Bray was the perfect foil in this match. Good, clean win puts him move over than he already needs to be.

Post-match, the Family comes in to stomp a mudhole in Sheamus but the Uso Brothers show up to spoil the party and clear the ring as we go off the air.

OVERALL: C+. Three squashes and a nice main event which saved the show. No bullshit with Santino, Fandango, Matadores or 3MB. This is more like it.

--

That's it for this week. Thanks to Scott Keith for making this possible and if you wanna read more of my stuff, please visit WE HATE YOUR GIMMICK at http://wehateyourgimmick.blogspot.com and visit us at Facebook.

Thanks for reading!

Comments

  1. So the sheamus match is that good. OK I was wondering how that would be. Plus del Rio is a favorite of mine so I'm totally going to watch this tonight. I'll throw it on as soon as this awful omg vs el gigante match at gab91 ends. Looking forward to seeing this.

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  2. Watching Starrcade 91 myself... can you imagine having the biggest PPV in a company be one show long gimmick now?

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  3. I started watching Starrcade myself to review for my site.


    I liked parts of '83, hated most of '84 and most liked '85 (save for the shoddy production value and weird, almost minute-long gaps in commentary). I hope they get better from there.

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  4. More backhanded insults against people of compact stature!

    If you must label them, please use the tried and true "cruiserweights" going forward.

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  5. Billy Kidman was compact stature person?! :-O

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  6. That was the second time in three years that they did that.

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  7. You are the worst fucking writer and reviewer Scott has ever let post here. I can only hope your time here is short lived.

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  8. He must really like you to say something like that. He must know the vast majority of people disagree with everything he says by now.

    The intro was a bit more relaxed and funnier than usual--it just seemed like you were trusting your instincts instead of forcing things. You seem to be settling into a role here. Keep it up.

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  9. Fox wasn't that bad.

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  10. Writing is a pain. On the one hand, you can't mail it in with "Then a punch. And a kick. Then a finisher."

    But you can't do too much or else it's extraneous play-by-play...so you trim it up.

    But it's still boring, so you inject humor or some sort of "wit" where you can. Some people like what you have to say, others think you're a complete ass.

    I try my best to throw stuff at the wall and see what sticks.

    Thanks for your feedback. I don't usually do Smark but there are times when it's warranted.

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  11. She used to be better than this but I thought she kinda floated this one in.

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  12. I think it's somewhat of an acquired taste for the style of those early shows -- either you like them or you don't.



    Production values wise, 1988 is really the first 'jump' from those earlier shows -- the arena dressing and lighting is the same, but you can tell they got better cameras at that point as the picture and sound are noticeably better.

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  13. You just got your first attain from Stennick! How do you feel?

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  14. Yup that sheamus match was dope. Sad to see him getting jobbed out though. Welp back to gab91

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  15. He hates me? I thought he was being sarcastic and tough-loving in the most ironic sense. Damn.

    Where's my pills and liquor?

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  16. I'm watching the Vader 1993 WCW Timeline. Not impressed at all so far

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  17. I really liked that match. I didn't see too much point in Sheamus jobbing, especially with Bray being an unstoppable monster for the last few weeks.

    I can see WHY it had to be done, I guess. The Wyatts had a DQ with Cena last Monday and it wouldn't make sense for another no-contest and Sheamus winning clean over Bray really couldn't happen unless Cena interfered or got involved somehow and he's not "Main Event" material.

    Still a good match. Sheamus and Bray both rocked and brought the best out in one another.

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  18. The tag match with pillman and Eaton vs sting and Abby is probably the only good match I've ever heard of abdullah the butcher being in.

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  19. What if he wore Kanes mask though?

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  20. Bray should have won. Sheamus, as good as he's been lately, isn't involved in any important feud right now. (Is he on the Extreme Rules card?) I would like to see these two feud in the future, though.

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  21. I'm really disappointed that you would be associating yourself with midgets.


    There, topical basketball reference, bitches!

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  22. I've been on this for months, but they really need to have Del Rio take the US title on Smackdown. It won't be bad for Ambrose to lose if Batista/Orton cost him the match, and honestly because Ambrose is a main eventer now, it'd be weird for him to still carry around the US title and occasionally defend it against guys like Jack Swagger. Putting the belt on Del Rio keeps it in the midcard where they want it, and he can actually defend it often.

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  23. The BoD demands that Scott Keith be banned from all posts and comments. Furthermore, we will commence a vote to force him to sell this blog to Sean Shannon in the interests of fostering compassion towards everyone.

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  24. She was fine for her role here. The BIG problem is that Paige's mannerisms, offense and psychology are very heelish. She needs to be the anti-Diva, not the underdog babyface.

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  25. I'm disappointed in Paige. I like the "edge" her character's supposed to have. I'm not seeing the ACTUAL edge.

    She's just like all the other Divas. She just dyed her hair.

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  26. Being that it's inconceivable they'd put the titles with either Ryback or Axel (being that they're in a feud with the Usos...which is mind-blowing in and of itself - they were useless a few weeks ago), I think Del Rio takes it. Unless they seriously want Ambrose carrying this.

    I think Evolution gets involved somehow and the belt goes to Del Rio.

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  27. It's because she is completely miscast as the underdog babyface. She shined in NXT because as the alpha heel she took the baby face roster apart. Paige is awesome (watch her match with Emma from NXT Arrival if you haven't already). She's just not the character she's being told to portray right now.

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  28. I long for Kharma. Oh, what could have been...

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  29. TJ: Watched the new Boondocks episodes. SQUEEEEEEEEE!! Not sure what the deal with the ending on the second one was but still pretty awesome.

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  30. Now you have to sell this site to Jobber.

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  31. Midget Bret Hart might be my favorite midget of all time. The obnoxiousness of HBK, and that whole segment in general, is just stupendous.


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  32. Mine is Chris Benoit.

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  33. The line about All Dogs Go To Heaven II was a little forced, but other than that you're a solid B+ player.

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  34. Bundy killing the midget is my favorite.

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  35. No love for the ultra creepy Macho Midget?

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  36. Still funny? Havent checked the new ones yet, was wondering how much the show would be effected with the shows mastermind/creator leaving it

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  37. Sheamus milks the singing gimmick for everything it's worth until Sheamus shows up.

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  38. "I got a lot of shit last week for hating on the Short People Match. Or
    Midget Match. Is it "little people" or is it "midget" these days? I can
    never be sure what's acceptable. I had heard one guy tell me "midget"
    was "unacceptable" and "offensive". Another person "of that stature", he
    told me, "Little people is degrading because we're ALL people!"

    This ACTUALLY happened here? You're kidding...

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  39. At least he wasn't banned for life like Sterling.

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  40. How is a band worse than a song? Do we now have standardized units of good/bad measurements that we can directly compare people to events and things?

    "If you ask me, Muhammed Ali in his prime was way better than antilock brakes!"

    "Yeah, but what about Johnny Mathis v. Diet Pepsi?"

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  41. Dwarf is the politically correct term.

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  42. See I always thought this was someone working a Steve Stennick gimmick... is this really the same guy?

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  43. Oh I'm sure Hobbit would work just fine.

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  44. What about "elf"?

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  45. I saw in a med textbook a case of dwarfism where the guy had a midget body but more normal sized limbs. It was like gumby. Real fucking weird looking

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  46. You realize that Too Cool's title run was closer to '88 than it is to today? The business changed a ton in the interim with the proliferation of cable, monthly PPVs and whatnot, but that is still a bit nutty to think about.

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  47. AverageJoeEverymanApril 30, 2014 at 7:44 AM

    "I got a lot of shit last week for hating on the Short People Match. Or Midget Match. Is it "little people" or is it "midget" these days?"
    Just call them little fuckers.

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  48. How about "asshole heat", is that better?

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  49. AverageJoeEverymanApril 30, 2014 at 7:52 AM

    he was banging Torrie Wilson for a long time during her prime years. His stature in my eyes is very high.

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  50. AverageJoeEverymanApril 30, 2014 at 7:53 AM

    yeah I thought he was gone

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  51. Not here. I was striking up a conversation with...a "small person". We were at a Barnes & Noble. He was very kind and we got to talking about stereotypes and labels and I asked him about it. He was telling me that people called him either/or and that there was some debate over this.

    To me, they're both offensive-SOUNDING. I just don't know.

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  52. I was gonna go with "The sequels to Land Before Time" but ADGTH2 seemed more obscure.

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  53. Sheamus didn't lose cleanly. There was interference throughout the match. He's fine.

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  54. I'm moving it to Seattle!

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  55. Yeah, you may be right about that. If so, it's gotten too weird for me.

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  56. So, he's the Doink the Clown of Heel Commenters?

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  57. "Renee Young, taking a break from her job popping Skittles and chugging Rockstar Pure Zero"


    That's not what she's chugging, if ya know what I mean.

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  58. Rockstar Pure Zero is my alias.....

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  59. i had roll of quarters typed but then i changed it cuz i thought "naw thats wayy too gimmicky"


    But damn, it was quarters... makes it even worse.

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  60. By the way you put his name in a sentence, I'm assuming he's supposed to be infamous around here because stuff.

    I'm guessing he's a huge troll that hates everyone and has no sense of humor? Is that the thing? Or am I off-base?

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  61. Yeah, he's a troll for the sake of being a troll, he use to rack up the down votes before Disqus took them away from being visible. Now he just shows up from time to time.

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  62. Got it.

    Thanks for your conversation and feedback on this, btw. You guys rock and, honestly, have really helped me shape this thing.

    Most regulars at other blogs aren't so kind but you guys have been a breath of fresh air.

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  63. Because other blogs don't seek to have a community mentality like this one.

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  64. Yeah for sure. They feel pretty amateur compared to what came later, although I am sure a lot of people thought they were off the chain awesome back in the day when they were only on CCTV and limited distribution VHS tapes, especially in the south.

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