The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW–10.10.94

The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 10.10.94

Taped from Utica, NY

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Randy Savage.

It’s a special HOLIDAY edition of RAW. Apparently it’s “Columbus Day”. Apparently this is a real thing that Americans celebrate. But then we get “Victoria Day” as a holiday up here, so who am I to judge?

Bam Bam Bigelow v. Lex Luger

Luger gets distracted by Dibiase’s parade of scrubs and Bigelow attacks and overpowers Lex. Luger slugs back FOR ‘MURICA and Bigelow bails, so Luger brings him back in and goes to the vicious armbar that is featured on the thumbnail for this episode. So that goes on for a while, until Bigelow comes back with a powerslam for two, but the diving headbutt misses. And it’s back to that armbar. And now King Kong Bundy joins us at ringside to really add to the marketability of the worst stable in wrestling history and we take a break. We return with Adam Bomb and Mabel coming out to even the odds, and this like the Survivor Series match from my tequila-and-pizza fueled nightmares. So now Bigelow goes to the chinlock as Vince clarifies that the Corporation is attempting to rid the WWF of Lex Luger. Well Ted Turner’s chequebook certainly accomplished that goal for them the next year. So Bigelow chokes away on the ropes and Luger finally makes the comeback as his steroid cycle kicks in. Bigelow collides with Tatanka and Luger cradles for the pin at 14:47. Bigelow and Tatanka argue over that, although that specific story thread wouldn’t get pulled on for months. This Corporation was just the dirt worst bunch of losers. *

Mr. Bob Backlund guests on the Heartbreak Hotel, and Bob’s not so sure that he’d want Shawn Michaels in his generation.

Mabel v. Reno Riggins

I have to wonder who got the honor of writing all of Vince’s topical banter about sports and pop culture for these taped shows, given that we know he’s about as savvy to the world outside of the bubble as I am. Riggins actually controls after a missed elbow, but Mabel quickly squashes him with the legdrop at 2:00.

Meanwhile, Randy Savage is at a parade either for or against Cooley’s Anemia. Either way, it’s very important to give them money. I think the people behind that disease need better PR because I’ve never heard of it.

Owen Hart v. John Crystal

Owen works on the arm and chokes him out after a dropkick while Vince plays “What’s in the news this week?” and makes jokes so lame that Bret would be forced to give them 1/10. Crystal briefly comes back, but walks into a suplex and the Sharpshooter at 3:39.

King Kong Bundy v. Mike Khoury

Bundy quickly beats him down and drops a knee for two while Vince talks current movie releases with Savage. Can we just fast-forward through this entire month? Avalanche finishes at 2:49 and they screw up the five-count gag by playing his music too soon. I am kind of curious why Bundy never migrated to WCW during the Hogan era, actually.

The King’s Court with Queezy the midget, which is Lawler’s first step in his war of the midgets against Doink. Kill me now.

The New Headshrinkers v. JS Storm & Cory Student

Barbarian throws Student around and no-sells all of Storm’s jobber offense, then finishes with the big boot at 1:50. They probably should have just gone right to the repackage of Fatu and saved everyone the boredom. Also, Fatu is concerned because Sionne is too violent or something. Later, the storyline would hit another gear when Fatu starting getting booked as being too stupid to figure out how to wrestle in boots. So the best is yet to come.

The Pulse

This show was only 45 minutes long and felt like a three-hour RAW. And it’s only getting WORSE as the year grinds to a finish! But at least we’ve got Jeff Jarrett v. Doink to look forward to next week.