This has nothing to do with the WWE
GM Bayless is in his bunker via satellite with the remaining members of his Administration, Justice Gray and Bill Ray. Here is what he says:
"While I am live on location with my Administration as we continue to bond, I have a few items to discuss with you. First, the BoD Rumble is coming up and starting next week we will have qualifying matches but one person does not need a qualifying and that is the chosen one of the Administration, Bill Ray (Ray looks a bit shocked then it settles in and he starts to smile). Also, the very special Minneapolis BoD RAW will have a title match as Jobber puts up his BoD Heavyweight Title against The Fuj. And we also will have (Loud bang is heard...............The Riverdale Covenant Enter). What the fuck...........................(The Riverdale Covenant Grab Bayless and Justice Gray. They leave Bill Ray as Pee Wee puts a Riverdale Covenant Jacket next to him)."
What has happened to the GM!!!!!!
BoD Tag Team Tournament Semi-Finals
Curtzerker vs. Dancin' Devin Harris & Lil' James
As usual, the HUSS section is loud and proud! Match starts with Williams and Lil' James going back and forth. James slides underneath Williams then ducks a clotheslines and STARTS TO GIT FUN-KAY. James hits a dropkick then gets a swinging DDT for two. Dancin' Devin tags and he goes to work on Williams. James tags again and goes for a crossbody but Williams ducks then tags theberzerker as the HUSS section goes crazy. theberzerker bends down and HUSSES in the face of James then starts to stomp away. Williams tags himself back in as James is in trouble. James tries to tag out but Williams yanks him away as Curtzerker is using quick tags to isolate James. Dancin' Devin is GITTIN' FUN-KAY on the apron trying to rally the crowd behind his partner and that angers the HUSS section. Williams climbs the middle rope but misses a leg drop as both men are down. James gets up and crawls over to his partner and makes the tag as the BoD just scored a 200 on the FUN-KAY METER. Harris runs wild as he takes care of Curtzerker by himself. Harris runs full speed and clotheslines theberzerker in the corner. He tags James in as he goes up top and hits a missile dropkick on theberzeker but Williams runs in and breaks the cover. Williams goes back on the apron then tags himself in as the match has broken down. The ref is yelling at theberzerker and Harris as the FUN-KAY BUNCH are battling with the HUSS SECTION. In the ring, James catches Williams with a leg lariat then heads up top but a crew member as run up with a chair and whacked James in the back. James falls off of the top then Williams picks him up and hits a brainbuster then covers for the win! What the hell was that. The crew member now grabs the mic as I have no idea what is going on here. He then yanks off his hat and then removes a fake beard as he reveals himself as..........................................BIFF KENSINGTON III!!!!!!!! Biff then tells the crowd that he is now the manager of Curtzerker, the newest acquisition of Kensington Enterprises.
And now a video package of a week in the life of Biscuit:
(Biscuit wakes up in the arena parking lot. He slept in the back of his Buick Regal in order to save money for the Holiday Season. Fuck it, Biscuit only knows one December Holiday and that is Christmas. Biscuit has had a busy week since the last BoD RAW as he spent the drive from Cleveland to Minnesota wrestling at the local Armories. Let's take a look at that:
Tuesday morning, Biscuit turns down the heat in his apartment. He treated himself last night when he cranked up the heat to 56 degrees. Biscuit then gets up and oddly enough makes toast to go with his six eggs and a large glass of whole milk. He throws on his favorite Everlast sweatshirt before heading out of the door.
Wednesday, Biscuit arrives to an armory in Iowa for a local indy show in front of 13 fans. Biscuit remains humble and thanks the promoter of a payoff that consists of some McDonald's coupons and a container of wheat germ. Biscuit loses his match, as he always make sure to put over the guys that will be in this promotion then heads in the locker room where he drinks the boys under the table and puts everyone's bag in the shower before turning on the water. He then tells them the importance of pulling ribs on each other to have a good working environment.
Friday, Biscuit heads to another show, this time at a 55 seat venue and Timmy Jablowski's 9th birthday party. Biscuit tapped out to the neighborhood champion's noogie. Biscuit slapped Uncle Jerry's camera out of his hand as he did not want to be taped doing a job, as it would hurt his credibility. He got paid in chicken nuggets, ice cream cake, and a goodie bag, which was the Jim Beam he swiped from Uncle Jerry, who needed to be humbled as he constantly bragged about his money in thelocker room backyard.
Saturday: Biscuit's Regal hits the 231,000 mile mark on its odometer. He celebrates at McDonald's with his coupons.
Today: Biscuit enters the arena. He sits down in his locker room and uses the stairmaster as he prepares for the match in front of his homecrowd. Last time he was in Minnesota, it was at a charity pancake breakfast when he sat next to Kent Hrbek. He almost got tossed when Tim Laudner tried to take the butter off of his tray and he proceeded to put him in a sleeper hold. Biscuit will do this for Minnesota, he will do this for his people)
Biscuit vs. Night 81
The hometown crowd is hot for Biscuit tonight, folks. Night81 attacks Biscuit to start the match. He is laying into him in the corner as the crowd boos. Night hits a suplex and that gets two. He tries another one but Biscuit floats over and gets a rollup for two. Biscuit starts hammering away then hits a gutbuster. Biscuit catches Night with a backdrop as Night rolls out for a breather. Biscuit follows him out and beats him down. Biscuit rolls him back inside and heads up top but misses a knee drop. Night gets up and uses a Shining Wizard and covers but Biscuit is just able to kick out. Night stretches out Biscuit with a surfboard as the crowd chants for their hometown hero. Night breaks the hold and heads up top but Biscuit knocks him down. Biscuit heads up and uses a superplex but that only gets two. Biscuit is up and he slams Night down. He backs Night in the corner but gets hit with a throat thrust then Night uses a neckbreaker. Night picks up Biscuit but gets caught in small package for two. Night stomps away then whips Biscuit against the ropes but ducks his head for a backdrop and Biscuit kicks him in the face then takes him down and puts him in the Stump Puller!!!!! Night can't move and he has to tap out as the hometown hero has won in Minnesota!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Biscuit has his arm raised as he has won live on BoD RAW.
Now let's get ready for "Welcome to the BoD" with your host, Abeyance.
Abeyance: Hello
Crowd: Hello, Abeyance!
Abeyance: How are you!
Crowd: Good!
Abeyance: So Am I!
Crowd: We know!
Kid: I'm okay too
Abeyance: What did you do this weekend
Kid: I hung out with my teacher
Abeyance: (jokingly) Go home, you're drunk
Kid: Okay. (Kid proceeds to get up and leave).
Abeyance: My guest is the BoD Heavyweight Champion, Jobber123
Jobber: (With sunglasses and a half-buttoned shirt, obviously hungover) Yeah, make this quick, kid. I got some blow.........uh.....I have to blow out of here soon. I have the flu
Abeyance: I had the flu once.
Jobber: I bet you did.
Abeyance: I did, I just told you.
Jobber: Make it quick, I am the champ and have a match soon.
Abeyance: What do you think of the BoD Rumble
Jobber: That I am the champ and dont have an opponent. No one is man enough to face me.
Abeyance: Well, I am a man and I have a title shot to use. So I can face you then or if you lose the title, I can face them. (Crowd chants for Abeyance)
Jobber: (Coughing then laughing) Okay, yeah, you can face me. Hey, do you have any Aspirin?
Abeyance: No, but I have some Altoids.
Jobber: What?
There you have it, at the BoD Royal Rumble the champion will face Abeyance in a title match. But who will be the champion?
Hart Killer 09 & DBSM w/ The C-List Posse & "Marvelous" Matt Perri vs. Kaptain Kiwi & Andy PG & Mikey Mike
The C-List posse and DBSM are shown in an insert promo exchanging gifts, which all turn out to be gift certificates to Dave and Busters. Match starts with a wild six-man brawl as these guys all hate each other. The action spills outside as they are now in the crowd. The referee has counted to ten and counted out both teams as he is unable to control the wrestlers. Kaptain Kiwi has just whacked Hart Killer with a chair. Miss Danielle takes off her heel but Andy ducks and she hits Perri in the face. All three men now take DBSM and toss him off of the balcony and onto the C-List Posse!!!! Oh man, Mark Linn-Baker has arthritic knees. They all get up as Horace Grant pulls out his phone and uses his Uber app as they appear to be making use of their gifts. Michael Winslow makes a bunch of disapproving sound effects. These men will be fighting again.
Backstage, Jef Vinson is walking with his valet. All of a sudden, Parallax walks by. They stare each other down before they start talking:
Vinson: What's up. Still blame me for you not being the champion?
Parallax: Nah, I dont blame you. The GM has continuously fucked myself and the rest of the BoD over with the shoddy way he runs things. He is not even fit to be a Mod, nevermind the GM. But back to your question, who do you think you are with that ego? I control my life, I dont rely on drugs like the others. I am in control.
Vinson: (Tells his valet to chill) In case you haven't heard, neither do I because I also control my actions. I do not need to rely on chemicals to solve a problem or have a good time.
Parallax: (less intense) That's a noble thing.
Vinson: Yeah, it is a noble thing.
(All of a sudden, Cultstatus runs out and attacks Parallax. Vinson breaks it up)
Cultstatus: Its not over, motherfucker! You think that fluke win meant something?
Parallax: It wasn't a fluke, Forumteer. And how next week you come out and face me again in a TLC match. That way I can curbstomp your career away.
Cultstatus: I'll be there, pal!
Parallax: I'm not your pal.
BoD Tag Team Tournament Semi-Finals
Strike Force vs. RIPSHIT KILLERS
Now, lets take at "Santa Hoss"
(Hoss is dressed as Santa and has a line of kids to see)
Hoss: WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR CHRISTMAS?
Kid#1: (scared) I want a Playstation 4
Hoss: NO, HOSS.............................ER SANTA DOESNT LIKE PLAYSTATION. ONLY SEGA GENESIS!!
Kid#1: (crying) I dont know what that is
Hoss: STOP CRYING, YOU GET COAL! GET OFF MY LAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kid #2 (snobby) I want a North Face Fleece, and iPhone6, and a trip to Disney World.
Hoss: (gives the kid a $10) YOU WIN A TRIP TO THE ICE CREAM STAND TO GET SANTA ICE CREAM AND IF YOU DONT COME BACK IN FIVE MINUTES THE ONLY THING I WILL LEAVE UNDERNEATH YOUR TREE IS YOUR TEETH
Kid #2's Dad: Now Santa, you know that ice cream is bad for you. How about we get you a Kale, Banana, and spinach smoothie from the Health Shack?
Hoss: (more pissed than usual and rises from his chair) SANTA DOESNT EAT HEALTHFOOD (picks up Dad and chokeslams him down)
Kid #2 (Comes back with ice cream) What happened to my dad?
Hoss: (grabs ice cream) HE INTERRUPTED ICE CREAM TIME!!!!!!!!!!! (Hoss looks down and takes dad's wallet and pulls out credit card and hands it to the kid) SANTA SAID SINCE YOU WERE A GOOD GIRL AND GOT HOSS...........ER SANTA CHOCOLATE SPRINKLES INSTEAD OF THAT RAINBOW SHIT YOU CAN GET ANYTHING YOU WANT FOR CHRISTMAS
Kid #2: (Smiling) Thanks Santa! (Dad is not moving as bystanders are too scared to call 911)
Merry Christmas from the BoD!!!
BoD World Heavyweight Championship Match
Jobber w/ Job Mob vs. The Fuj
The champ is hungover as fuck as the Job Mob do not look any better. Fuj takes control of the match but Jobber ducks out for a breather. Fuj chases after him but the Job Mob stand in his way. Fuj jaws with them as the champ now sneaks around and grabs his belt in an attempt to go leave and he heads up the ramp but Jef Vinson comes out and Jobber is shocked! Vinson backs Jobber down the ramp then rolls him into the ring. Vinson then gets ordered back by White Coat Security. Fuj comes back inside and hammers away. Jobber tries to leave but Fuj pulls him back inside. Fuj drags Jobber in the middle of the ring and tries for the ankle lock but Big Dirty Murph runs in for the DQ as he whacks Jobber with a Haliburton. The Job Mob attack Fuj as Jobber sneaks through the crowd getting pelted by garbage as Vinson runs out again but the arena goes dark. When the lights come back on, the Job Mob are laid out as the Riverdale Covenant are standing in the ring. The former Gosh Hopkins, now Robert Davis, along with Nebb 28 are wheeling out someone. They pull off the tarp and its revealed as GM Bayless! And now Vinson's Valet joins him as they are waived to the ring. And I think the GM is going to get 5 minutes alone with the Valet!!!!!! Pee Wee ties up Bayless's hand and the Valet is in now, stretching out. Hot Dog rings the bell as the Valet boots the GM in the nuts! Ouch!!!!!! The Valet continues to destroy Bayless as the camera shows us the GM's office and someone behind the chair. The chair swings around and it is Archie Stackhouse!!!!!!! He lights a piece of paper on fire and blows it out before wishing the GM a Merry Christmas.
MERRY CHRISTMAS BoD!!!!!
GM Bayless is in his bunker via satellite with the remaining members of his Administration, Justice Gray and Bill Ray. Here is what he says:
"While I am live on location with my Administration as we continue to bond, I have a few items to discuss with you. First, the BoD Rumble is coming up and starting next week we will have qualifying matches but one person does not need a qualifying and that is the chosen one of the Administration, Bill Ray (Ray looks a bit shocked then it settles in and he starts to smile). Also, the very special Minneapolis BoD RAW will have a title match as Jobber puts up his BoD Heavyweight Title against The Fuj. And we also will have (Loud bang is heard...............The Riverdale Covenant Enter). What the fuck...........................(The Riverdale Covenant Grab Bayless and Justice Gray. They leave Bill Ray as Pee Wee puts a Riverdale Covenant Jacket next to him)."
What has happened to the GM!!!!!!
BoD Tag Team Tournament Semi-Finals
Curtzerker vs. Dancin' Devin Harris & Lil' James
As usual, the HUSS section is loud and proud! Match starts with Williams and Lil' James going back and forth. James slides underneath Williams then ducks a clotheslines and STARTS TO GIT FUN-KAY. James hits a dropkick then gets a swinging DDT for two. Dancin' Devin tags and he goes to work on Williams. James tags again and goes for a crossbody but Williams ducks then tags theberzerker as the HUSS section goes crazy. theberzerker bends down and HUSSES in the face of James then starts to stomp away. Williams tags himself back in as James is in trouble. James tries to tag out but Williams yanks him away as Curtzerker is using quick tags to isolate James. Dancin' Devin is GITTIN' FUN-KAY on the apron trying to rally the crowd behind his partner and that angers the HUSS section. Williams climbs the middle rope but misses a leg drop as both men are down. James gets up and crawls over to his partner and makes the tag as the BoD just scored a 200 on the FUN-KAY METER. Harris runs wild as he takes care of Curtzerker by himself. Harris runs full speed and clotheslines theberzerker in the corner. He tags James in as he goes up top and hits a missile dropkick on theberzeker but Williams runs in and breaks the cover. Williams goes back on the apron then tags himself in as the match has broken down. The ref is yelling at theberzerker and Harris as the FUN-KAY BUNCH are battling with the HUSS SECTION. In the ring, James catches Williams with a leg lariat then heads up top but a crew member as run up with a chair and whacked James in the back. James falls off of the top then Williams picks him up and hits a brainbuster then covers for the win! What the hell was that. The crew member now grabs the mic as I have no idea what is going on here. He then yanks off his hat and then removes a fake beard as he reveals himself as..........................................BIFF KENSINGTON III!!!!!!!! Biff then tells the crowd that he is now the manager of Curtzerker, the newest acquisition of Kensington Enterprises.
And now a video package of a week in the life of Biscuit:
(Biscuit wakes up in the arena parking lot. He slept in the back of his Buick Regal in order to save money for the Holiday Season. Fuck it, Biscuit only knows one December Holiday and that is Christmas. Biscuit has had a busy week since the last BoD RAW as he spent the drive from Cleveland to Minnesota wrestling at the local Armories. Let's take a look at that:
Tuesday morning, Biscuit turns down the heat in his apartment. He treated himself last night when he cranked up the heat to 56 degrees. Biscuit then gets up and oddly enough makes toast to go with his six eggs and a large glass of whole milk. He throws on his favorite Everlast sweatshirt before heading out of the door.
Wednesday, Biscuit arrives to an armory in Iowa for a local indy show in front of 13 fans. Biscuit remains humble and thanks the promoter of a payoff that consists of some McDonald's coupons and a container of wheat germ. Biscuit loses his match, as he always make sure to put over the guys that will be in this promotion then heads in the locker room where he drinks the boys under the table and puts everyone's bag in the shower before turning on the water. He then tells them the importance of pulling ribs on each other to have a good working environment.
Friday, Biscuit heads to another show, this time at a 55 seat venue and Timmy Jablowski's 9th birthday party. Biscuit tapped out to the neighborhood champion's noogie. Biscuit slapped Uncle Jerry's camera out of his hand as he did not want to be taped doing a job, as it would hurt his credibility. He got paid in chicken nuggets, ice cream cake, and a goodie bag, which was the Jim Beam he swiped from Uncle Jerry, who needed to be humbled as he constantly bragged about his money in the
Saturday: Biscuit's Regal hits the 231,000 mile mark on its odometer. He celebrates at McDonald's with his coupons.
Today: Biscuit enters the arena. He sits down in his locker room and uses the stairmaster as he prepares for the match in front of his homecrowd. Last time he was in Minnesota, it was at a charity pancake breakfast when he sat next to Kent Hrbek. He almost got tossed when Tim Laudner tried to take the butter off of his tray and he proceeded to put him in a sleeper hold. Biscuit will do this for Minnesota, he will do this for his people)
Biscuit vs. Night 81
The hometown crowd is hot for Biscuit tonight, folks. Night81 attacks Biscuit to start the match. He is laying into him in the corner as the crowd boos. Night hits a suplex and that gets two. He tries another one but Biscuit floats over and gets a rollup for two. Biscuit starts hammering away then hits a gutbuster. Biscuit catches Night with a backdrop as Night rolls out for a breather. Biscuit follows him out and beats him down. Biscuit rolls him back inside and heads up top but misses a knee drop. Night gets up and uses a Shining Wizard and covers but Biscuit is just able to kick out. Night stretches out Biscuit with a surfboard as the crowd chants for their hometown hero. Night breaks the hold and heads up top but Biscuit knocks him down. Biscuit heads up and uses a superplex but that only gets two. Biscuit is up and he slams Night down. He backs Night in the corner but gets hit with a throat thrust then Night uses a neckbreaker. Night picks up Biscuit but gets caught in small package for two. Night stomps away then whips Biscuit against the ropes but ducks his head for a backdrop and Biscuit kicks him in the face then takes him down and puts him in the Stump Puller!!!!! Night can't move and he has to tap out as the hometown hero has won in Minnesota!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Biscuit has his arm raised as he has won live on BoD RAW.
Now let's get ready for "Welcome to the BoD" with your host, Abeyance.
Abeyance: Hello
Crowd: Hello, Abeyance!
Abeyance: How are you!
Crowd: Good!
Abeyance: So Am I!
Crowd: We know!
Kid: I'm okay too
Abeyance: What did you do this weekend
Kid: I hung out with my teacher
Abeyance: (jokingly) Go home, you're drunk
Kid: Okay. (Kid proceeds to get up and leave).
Abeyance: My guest is the BoD Heavyweight Champion, Jobber123
Jobber: (With sunglasses and a half-buttoned shirt, obviously hungover) Yeah, make this quick, kid. I got some blow.........uh.....I have to blow out of here soon. I have the flu
Abeyance: I had the flu once.
Jobber: I bet you did.
Abeyance: I did, I just told you.
Jobber: Make it quick, I am the champ and have a match soon.
Abeyance: What do you think of the BoD Rumble
Jobber: That I am the champ and dont have an opponent. No one is man enough to face me.
Abeyance: Well, I am a man and I have a title shot to use. So I can face you then or if you lose the title, I can face them. (Crowd chants for Abeyance)
Jobber: (Coughing then laughing) Okay, yeah, you can face me. Hey, do you have any Aspirin?
Abeyance: No, but I have some Altoids.
Jobber: What?
There you have it, at the BoD Royal Rumble the champion will face Abeyance in a title match. But who will be the champion?
Hart Killer 09 & DBSM w/ The C-List Posse & "Marvelous" Matt Perri vs. Kaptain Kiwi & Andy PG & Mikey Mike
The C-List posse and DBSM are shown in an insert promo exchanging gifts, which all turn out to be gift certificates to Dave and Busters. Match starts with a wild six-man brawl as these guys all hate each other. The action spills outside as they are now in the crowd. The referee has counted to ten and counted out both teams as he is unable to control the wrestlers. Kaptain Kiwi has just whacked Hart Killer with a chair. Miss Danielle takes off her heel but Andy ducks and she hits Perri in the face. All three men now take DBSM and toss him off of the balcony and onto the C-List Posse!!!! Oh man, Mark Linn-Baker has arthritic knees. They all get up as Horace Grant pulls out his phone and uses his Uber app as they appear to be making use of their gifts. Michael Winslow makes a bunch of disapproving sound effects. These men will be fighting again.
Backstage, Jef Vinson is walking with his valet. All of a sudden, Parallax walks by. They stare each other down before they start talking:
Vinson: What's up. Still blame me for you not being the champion?
Parallax: Nah, I dont blame you. The GM has continuously fucked myself and the rest of the BoD over with the shoddy way he runs things. He is not even fit to be a Mod, nevermind the GM. But back to your question, who do you think you are with that ego? I control my life, I dont rely on drugs like the others. I am in control.
Vinson: (Tells his valet to chill) In case you haven't heard, neither do I because I also control my actions. I do not need to rely on chemicals to solve a problem or have a good time.
Parallax: (less intense) That's a noble thing.
Vinson: Yeah, it is a noble thing.
(All of a sudden, Cultstatus runs out and attacks Parallax. Vinson breaks it up)
Cultstatus: Its not over, motherfucker! You think that fluke win meant something?
Parallax: It wasn't a fluke, Forumteer. And how next week you come out and face me again in a TLC match. That way I can curbstomp your career away.
Cultstatus: I'll be there, pal!
Parallax: I'm not your pal.
BoD Tag Team Tournament Semi-Finals
Strike Force vs. RIPSHIT KILLERS
Dock Muraco has just joined commentary to tell us that Chris Fothergill-Brown should not be getting excited over **1/2 Barbarian matches from WCW as he should be watching the Tokyo New Japan Show instead before leaving. Girls in Cars plays as the Strike Force has some of Santa's little helpers in the Lebaron. RIPSHIT KILLERS try to attack Strike Force to start but Mar Solo has had way too much coffee today and his quite jumpy! AAAARGH THE BARBARIAN rips off an antler but swings and misses like he is Dan Uggla then Matt Indeed runs at him with a flying forearm! THE YETAAAAY runs out but Indeed plants him with a flying forearm. AAAARGH gets up now Mar Solo uses a flying forearm then puts him in the Boston Crab and gets the win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Strike Force is going to the finals to face Curtzerker.
In the locker room, Kaptain Kiwi, Mikey Mike, and Andy PG are all happy that they got revenge. All of a sudden a loud banging is heard and the trio look back and are shocked to who they see yelling:
"So, ya think you can become champion by getting counted out, do ya! The belt is not won in the fucking crowd! ITS WON IN THE RING"
IT IS TONY GAREA
"(Points at Kiwi) To think I thought you were ready for this. YA SHOULD BE FETCHIN ME ANCHOR CHEESE WITH THE SHIT I SAW TODAY. YA GOT A LOT TA LEARN MY BOY SO I GOT AN APARTMENT IN THE STATES TO KEEP AN EYE ON YA AND IF I SEE ANYMORE RABBLE ROUSING I SNAP OF A BRANCH OF YE NEIGHBOR'S KIWI TREE AND BEAT YA OVER THE FUCKIN HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW GET GOING OR YA NEVER BE DA CHAMP! "
The men all get serious and leave as it is............................................GAREA IN AMERICA, THE SEQUEL
Now, lets take at "Santa Hoss"
(Hoss is dressed as Santa and has a line of kids to see)
Hoss: WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR CHRISTMAS?
Kid#1: (scared) I want a Playstation 4
Hoss: NO, HOSS.............................ER SANTA DOESNT LIKE PLAYSTATION. ONLY SEGA GENESIS!!
Kid#1: (crying) I dont know what that is
Hoss: STOP CRYING, YOU GET COAL! GET OFF MY LAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kid #2 (snobby) I want a North Face Fleece, and iPhone6, and a trip to Disney World.
Hoss: (gives the kid a $10) YOU WIN A TRIP TO THE ICE CREAM STAND TO GET SANTA ICE CREAM AND IF YOU DONT COME BACK IN FIVE MINUTES THE ONLY THING I WILL LEAVE UNDERNEATH YOUR TREE IS YOUR TEETH
Kid #2's Dad: Now Santa, you know that ice cream is bad for you. How about we get you a Kale, Banana, and spinach smoothie from the Health Shack?
Hoss: (more pissed than usual and rises from his chair) SANTA DOESNT EAT HEALTHFOOD (picks up Dad and chokeslams him down)
Kid #2 (Comes back with ice cream) What happened to my dad?
Hoss: (grabs ice cream) HE INTERRUPTED ICE CREAM TIME!!!!!!!!!!! (Hoss looks down and takes dad's wallet and pulls out credit card and hands it to the kid) SANTA SAID SINCE YOU WERE A GOOD GIRL AND GOT HOSS...........ER SANTA CHOCOLATE SPRINKLES INSTEAD OF THAT RAINBOW SHIT YOU CAN GET ANYTHING YOU WANT FOR CHRISTMAS
Kid #2: (Smiling) Thanks Santa! (Dad is not moving as bystanders are too scared to call 911)
Merry Christmas from the BoD!!!
BoD World Heavyweight Championship Match
Jobber w/ Job Mob vs. The Fuj
The champ is hungover as fuck as the Job Mob do not look any better. Fuj takes control of the match but Jobber ducks out for a breather. Fuj chases after him but the Job Mob stand in his way. Fuj jaws with them as the champ now sneaks around and grabs his belt in an attempt to go leave and he heads up the ramp but Jef Vinson comes out and Jobber is shocked! Vinson backs Jobber down the ramp then rolls him into the ring. Vinson then gets ordered back by White Coat Security. Fuj comes back inside and hammers away. Jobber tries to leave but Fuj pulls him back inside. Fuj drags Jobber in the middle of the ring and tries for the ankle lock but Big Dirty Murph runs in for the DQ as he whacks Jobber with a Haliburton. The Job Mob attack Fuj as Jobber sneaks through the crowd getting pelted by garbage as Vinson runs out again but the arena goes dark. When the lights come back on, the Job Mob are laid out as the Riverdale Covenant are standing in the ring. The former Gosh Hopkins, now Robert Davis, along with Nebb 28 are wheeling out someone. They pull off the tarp and its revealed as GM Bayless! And now Vinson's Valet joins him as they are waived to the ring. And I think the GM is going to get 5 minutes alone with the Valet!!!!!! Pee Wee ties up Bayless's hand and the Valet is in now, stretching out. Hot Dog rings the bell as the Valet boots the GM in the nuts! Ouch!!!!!! The Valet continues to destroy Bayless as the camera shows us the GM's office and someone behind the chair. The chair swings around and it is Archie Stackhouse!!!!!!! He lights a piece of paper on fire and blows it out before wishing the GM a Merry Christmas.
MERRY CHRISTMAS BoD!!!!!
I would like to say to everyone that I didn't tap out from pain but rather the feel of biscuit's balls on my neck when I was in the stump puller.
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to get out of there!
The Rumble is for the title? And then they face me at the next show?
ReplyDeleteI would love to see that Santa Hoss segment in real life now.
ReplyDeleteRumble is the title match. You face whoever is the champ at the Rumble.
ReplyDeleteNeeds moar underskill ;)
ReplyDeleteEnough is enough!
ReplyDeleteI am challenging ZAP SHOCKER to a "Poorly-wired Television On A Chord" Match!
[A BoD App exclusive - the camera spots Biscuit! walking toward a late-model BMW M5 with Minnesota plates reading BISKIT.]
ReplyDeleteInterviewer: Excuse me, Biscuit?
Biscuit: Oh, hello. My uh, Delta 88 I mean Regal had some trouble on the way out to the arena so a friend lent me her car. She uh, owns a bakery.
Interviewer: Tell us how it felt to get a big win over Night81 tonight in front of your hometown fans.
Biscuit: I was proud to represent the great people of Minneapolis tonight against Night81. As we saw from the video I took a hard road to get here, not the first-class all the way treatment athletes like Night81 get. Night81 is a great competitor, without a doubt. I was just hungrier tonight.
Interviewer: Comment on the video we showcased this evening detailing your road to Minneapolis.
Biscuit: I hope my video showed the little Biscuitcases at home what humility, sacrifice and hard work can do. I hope to see you youngsters next week at my 2015 Kids' Wrestling Camp at the University of Minnesota campus. Be sure your parents bring the entry fee - t-shirts are included! I also hope one DBSM was watching. My hunger will not go unsatisfied. That title is as good as mine. You can't duck me forever.
[A white Audi pulls up to the scene; a party girl rolls down the window]
Girl: hey Biscuit, are you ready to go to the club yet? You promised bottle service!
Biscuit: Yeah baby, just a minute. Edit out that part. [starts M5, drives away]
It's unfortunate when a grappler can't accept that it wasn't his night.
ReplyDeleteYou bill cosby'ed me!
ReplyDeleteCan I add a gimmick stipulation to the match?
ReplyDeleteYou done messed up, Night 8-1!
ReplyDelete(The tough throwback image of Biscuit *might* be slightly fraudulent. Big thanks to the excellent BoD video crew for that package)
ReplyDeleteAbeyance needs a Big Show run. The promotion's getting too hot and that'll cool it down.
ReplyDeleteThe scene: a windy, blustery, blinding snowstorm somewhere in the middle of the Alps. Laughing Sting awakes from an unconscious state, his body completely stiff and frozen. He is wrapped in a very large bundle of fur. He is being dragged on a sled through the cold snow. He can't see who is dragging him, but they come to a stop. He hears a door being opened, and he is dragged over the threshold into a very warm and dimly lit cabin. He speaks, barely:
ReplyDelete"Wh-where am I? Wh-what is th-this place?"
Another voice responds: "You're in the Alps. This is my cabin....."
*a lantern is lit in front of Laughing Sting's barely opened eyes*
"......and you're a guest of The Stranger."
Laughing Sting utters one last phrase before passing out from exhaustion:"I can't believe I found the fucking place......"
Hmmmm...Curtzerkington? I like it!
ReplyDeleteSTRIKE FORCE! HUSS! HUSS! RICK MARTEL! HUSS! HUSS! WRESTLEMANIA 5! HUSS! HUSS! INJURY! HUSS! HUSS! HUSS! LOSE! HUSS! PROMOS ARE HARD! HUSS! HUSS! HUSS! HUSS!
ReplyDeleteOh, like Tony Garea ever got hit in the head with a high-heeled shoe.
ReplyDeleteKensington Enterprises is shaping up to be a force to be reckoned with.
ReplyDeleteThese shows got an NXT-highly-entertaining-underdog vibe to them now. I feel like I completely missed the rise of Biscuit and BDSM and that makes me kinda sad.
ReplyDeleteAny excuse to bring back Tony Garea is the right one.
Yay I finally won the title!............in NJPW
ReplyDeleteGotta bring the big dogs out for BoD Mania season.
ReplyDeleteYou just sneaked in a title shot, and you're going to sneak out with the victory--what else do you need?
ReplyDeleteWe've been watching Million Dollar Corporation matches and hitting each other with reeds shouting "NO! NO!"
ReplyDeleteYou were loaned out to NJPW in a "talent exchange" that netted us Dock Muraco
ReplyDeleteStill doesn't explain why i've been wrestling Mr. Pogo at house matches all month...
ReplyDeleteShoot, I also missed when Kaptain Kiwi was deemed ready to leave New Zealand :(
ReplyDeleteI have a feeling if I just type in BoD Raw, though, I'll get my results
Thanks. I've been banging a lot of Japanese college girls.
ReplyDeleteThere was a month long arc when he came to New Zealand as YJ2310 but left as Kaptain Kiwi
ReplyDeleteIt's not a forfeit. It's called losing one's smile.
ReplyDeleteOh, the celebration is what totally makes it.
ReplyDeleteEh, Heyman was grating at times.
ReplyDelete"Word up to my boys Limp Bizkit..." Ugh.
"In that period, there were two wrestlers I had to talk out of fighting with Michaels (neither of which was Hart, because he and I weren’t on speaking terms at that time), because I told them it wasn’t worth"
ReplyDeleteWho is the person talking here?
Season 3 finale pays off on SO MUCH STUFF.
ReplyDeleteI'm finishing up season 6 and then hopefully using an iTunes gift card to get season 7 and watch that on my 6 hours plane rides this week.
Cole was bad long before the heel turn. He was an emotionless robot
ReplyDeleteI didn't really mind season three. Then again, the finale is probably my favorite episode of the series so far (haven't caught the final season yet). So there's that.
ReplyDeleteYou need a NAPKIN to get rid of that MARK?
ReplyDeleteThe Mankind character could have came off really corny but one good thing is Mick basically wrestled the same Cactus Jack hardcore style. Plus Mankind was crazy too so it wasn't like a major character change. Dude Love was definitely a different type of character but he made that work as well.
ReplyDeleteYeah Scott that finale is one of the biggest mind fucks you'll ever experience and the huge twist at the end completely changes the show from that point until the end. Trust me when I say you'll never see it coming. The great thing about the episode is that there's literally three plot twists, each bigger than the last. But that final one that closes the show, yeah man, mind fuck.
ReplyDeleteMeltz.
ReplyDeleteI long for the days of Mike Adamle and Taz
ReplyDeleteWell, considering how Shawn had a hard time trying to remember which leg to limp on... common sense?
ReplyDeleteHow dry I am? Feeling like a Looney tunes sketce, how drunk I am right now. Goddamn.
ReplyDeleteI thought that got debunked at one point--or at least never proved. Always sounded like an excuse to me because conventional wisdom was the PPV only model couldn't work; and if it somehow did then the WWE would just try to copy some aspect of it. Sending a mole in to preemptively sabotage it seemed far-fetched.
ReplyDeleteWe can debate it and I bet ill win
ReplyDeleteAnd likes scotchy scotch scotch.
ReplyDeleteThey've got some announcers with some potential coming up, but I'm pretty sure they'll be ruined by Vince and Cole giving them advice before they make it to Raw.
ReplyDeleteIt is OK to admit that Shawn is your favorite wrestler WITHOUT illogically defending every shithead decision he made when he was a drug addicted child. These are not mutually exclusive things. Also, if you know anything about weight training or steroids, it's painfully obvious that if there was one single drug in the entire universe that Shawn was on when he failed the drug test in '93, it was steroids. He was hiking his pants up to his nipples because he was so bloated. Classic calling cards of a guy who is juicing without putting in the training time and dietary sacrifices necessary to make the juice worth it.
ReplyDeleteOk, I'm curious: how many viewers do you think they'll get?
ReplyDeleteThe people they're trying to bring back made a lot ofoney for tna guys like aj styles and bad influence and they are focusing on young talent like spud ec3 and bram
ReplyDeleteIt is OK to admit that Shawn is your favorite wrestler WITHOUT illogically defending every shithead decision he made when he was a drug addicted child. These are not mutually exclusive things. Also, if you know anything about weight training or steroids, it's painfully obvious that if there was one single drug in the entire universe that Shawn was on when he failed the drug test in '93, it was steroids. He was hiking his pants up to his nipples because he was so bloated. Classic calling cards of a guy who is juicing without putting in the training time and dietary sacrifices necessary to make the juice worth it. End of rant.
ReplyDeleteProbably 5, 000 or 6, 000
ReplyDeleteTheir in more than half 57, 000, 000 Da is in and 97, 000, 000 spike is in
ReplyDeleteIt's pretty obvious from the way he was constantly dancing shirtless in promo cuts that Vince had homoerotic fantasies about Shawn.
ReplyDeletePrabably 5, 000 or 6, 000
ReplyDeleteWoof. That "skit" was awful.
ReplyDeleteFucking idiot noone of those people are in the wwe
ReplyDeleteAs the press release above notes, Destination America is "available" in 57 million homes. That means the channel providers carry them. That's not how many homes they are actually in. It's less than that. They are carried by DirecTV & Dish Network, which totals around 37 million. That puts them in--at best--20 million cable households. Wrestling fans generally skew towards being rural cable TV viewers. Destination America, which has been around just a few years, has seen most of its growth with urban cable & satellite providers. This all means that even though they are in about half as many homes as Spike, their potential availability may be affected disproportionately. We won't know how bad the hit is til they air, but it could be quite bad for them.
ReplyDeleteIn terms of current fans, the promotion's woes have led to a decline to under the million viewers they had just a handful of months ago. The recent "Best of" shows have drawn even fewer viewers, meaning fewer existing TNA are being made aware of the network switch. At best about a third of TNA's fans regularly visit their website or follow them on Twitter, Facebook & YouTube. Add in the fact that every time they've changed slots on Spike they've temporarily lost a large percentage of viewers, and it all adds up to a debut on Destination America that could be incredibly low. They will of course build from that as wrestling fans track them down, but that will take time.
You can look all this stuff up on Google & Wikipedia.
Sting isn't in WWE? Okay then.
ReplyDeleteFeel for ya Scott, I had stones back in 1999 twice. First time I passed, it was gravel. Second time, I pissed out a small pebble just days before I was suppose to have the thing in my dickhole procedure. Worst pain ever, women say it is worse than child birth...
ReplyDeleteOr trying to crabwalk his way through the door.
ReplyDeleteTna was getting 9, 000 viewers for their bethlehem tapings and the best of shows viewership doesnt mean fuck all and like I said they'll probably get 5, 000 or 6, 000 on destination america
ReplyDeleteOh an wikipedia anybody can write anything on there hell I can write roh is bigger than wwe wikipedia is bullshit
ReplyDeleteI feel season 3 works a lot better when binge-watched. It just took forever for them to GET to Ireland and then everyone with a bad accent turned on everyone else with a bad accent, it got hard to keep track of when there's 6 days in between each episode.
ReplyDeleteSeasons 5 and 6 of SOA aren't great (still better than *a lot* of shows), but 7 really brings it back IMO. Absolutely loved the series finale.
ReplyDeleteHe's the only one so what's the big deal
ReplyDeleteYeah, that actually makes some sense, and because WWE doesn't have intergender matches and most of the time there'll be a couple people of the same gender as managers/stable-mates, saying "he" is pretty pretty fucking confusing.
ReplyDeleteBut the announcers have no credibility because they seem like puppets, they call the world Vince wants, not the world that is, so when they actually can stretch the truth a little bit we don't trust them at all.
Even the heels can't use 'real' insults, so we can' trust that their hatred comes from a place of legitimacy, why can't somebody call Cena a smug prick who's always involving himself in other people's business? That's not breaking kayfabe and you could actually see why a heel would have an issue with that, unlike the "I want to destroy your legacy", NOBODY TALKS LIKE THAT!
Aren't heels supposed to be grating though?
ReplyDeleteYou can't be 834 pounds (or whatever Yoko weighed at that point) and "sneak" anywhere.
ReplyDeleteOn commentary being grating is a bad thing. I think it had more to do with Heyman's voice than anything.
ReplyDeleteVentura and Heenan are the gold standard's for heel commentators and neither was as grating as Heyman could be(much as I enjoyed him on commentary)
It's been a while, since Barrett's been off TV, but it did my nut in whenever JBL would yell "I've got some bad news for ya! Haha! I love when he says that!" He'd do it every time, botch the fucking catachphrase.
ReplyDeleteCan you imagine someone like Bobby Heenan in today's day and age? He used to carry on all the time about what a phony fuck Hulk Hogan was, can't imagine them letting him talk about Cena that way.
ReplyDeleteI had someone who know to be a very casual fan (and is unaware of my full blown smark status) actually mention something about how bad the commentary is. I quietly agreed and said I grew up with Jim Ross and Jesse Ventura.
ReplyDeleteThat's fair, commentators are inescapable, and even the greatest heel shouldn't be on screen 100% of the time.
ReplyDeleteHeyman is...incredibly obnoxious.
Well Douglas was suppose to be getting the big main event heel push at the time before bookers realized who they were pushing and started laughing at the notion that they wanted to push Douglas.
ReplyDelete