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BoD Fastlane

This has nothing to do with the WWE

Before the show, PrimeTime Ten attacked Mister E Mahn then rummaged through his trophies and stole all of his Canadian Awards as he proudly proclaims himself the Pride of Canada.

BoD C-List Title
DBSM (Champion) w/ C-List Posse vs. Biscuit

The C-List Posse all come out with the oversized top hats but set to the theme song of "Perfect Strangers." Speaking of dreams, Biscuit's dream is for his 1987 Buick Regal to have working brake pads. Match starts with both competitors trading hammerlocks until DBSM reaches the ropes. They lockup again but DBSM gains the advantage with an arm wringer as Harvey Grant and the guy who played Waldo from "Family Matters" are cheering on their posse leader. Biscuit reverses the hammerlock as he now takes charge of the match. DBSM breaks that up with an eye rake then he ground the Midwestern Madman. DBSM gets two off of a vertical suplex as he now has Biscuit in a Dragon Sleeper as he gets alerted by Mark-Linn Baker that the after party at Tina Yothers' house is all set. Biscuit manages to break the hold after a series of kicks but DBSM drops an elbow after that for another nearfall. DBSM goes up to the second rope for a leg drop but misses as both men are down. DBSM gets up first but Biscuit meets him with a punch. Then another one. And another punch as Biscuit is a house of fire! He catches DBSM with a jumping back elbow smash after an Irish whip. Biscuit follows that with a backdrop. He gets a pair of nearfalls then attempts the dreaded Stump Puller but DBSM ducks outside. Biscuit follows him out as they trade punches. The ref counts as the bell sounds awfully early with Biscuit rolling around but DBSM rolls inside the ring as the bell sounds off again as DBSM wins via count out! Michael Winslow made a bell sound effect to trick Biscuit. DBSM then goes to his posse as Biscuit is out on the floor looking on in anger. 

Backstage, "Happening" Harry Broadhurst tells us that he will make us all remember that Harry Fact #1 is that Harry never jobs then tells us that we will see him back in action next week. 

BoD Six Man Tag Team Titles
Job Mob (Champions) vs. Adam Curry & Kyle Warne & cabspaintedyellow

Match starts with a wild brawl at ringside. Curry tries to go after Murph but Zanatude chop-blocks him as he and the Illustrious Stuart Chartock double-team him on the outside. In the ring, Murph and Warne are trading shots but that stops when cabspaintedyellow hits him with a clothesline. Murph goes to retreat but is dragged back in the ring and hit with a double suplex. The match finally settles down but not before the Job Mob nearly cripple Curry. Warne gets distracted as Zanatude hits him from behind. Murph and Zanatude are choking out Warne as the ref yells at cabs to go back on the apron as the Job Mob have essentially made this a 3-2 match. Warne continues to get double and triple-teamed behind the ref's back as Curry is struggling to get to his feet. Chartock then knocks cabs off of the apron. Murph ducks out and stomps the leg of Curry as the Job Mob are distracting the ref to double-team Warne and attack Curry's injured leg. The Job Mob had a plan tonight, folks. Warne is getting destroyed here as both cabs and Curry are on the floor. Curry attempts to pull himself up by using the apron but Murph takes his leg out with a shove that he found underneath the ring. The ref is struggling to maintain control here as Warne ducks a clotehsline from Chartock then hits him with a lungblower off of the rebound as both men are down. A hurting cabs is on the apron as Curry is still out on the floor with medical personel attending to him. Curry shoves them away as he uses everything he has to stand up on his two feet at the moment. Back in the ring, Warne almost makes the tag but Zanatude grabs one of the belts and uses it to smash cabs in the face as the ref finally rings the bell for the DQ. Zanatude flees the ring to grab the other belts as Murph and Chartock toss aside the medical staff and pick up Curry, who is punching back. Zanatude runs over and hits him with a belt then pulls out the stairs as the Job Mob hits Curry with a triple powerbomb onto the 1,456 lbs steel steps!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dancin' Devin Harris and FunkDoc1112 are dancing with the kids as Night and X-Man come over and call them "sellouts" as X-Man tosses the table that had the turntables, thus stopping the music. Night then tells them they should teach the kids how to read, unlike their hillbilly parents, instead of dancing like an idiot. 

Riverdale Block Party Brawl
Riverdale Covenant vs. The Administration

The winner here will be the team drags the leader (Stackhouse, Bayless)  across the homebase lines. Match starts with Average Joe Everyman spitting out some punch as it did not contain alcohol. He takes out a flask and pours the contents into the bowl as some kid tells him that alcohol is banned in Riverdale so Joe backhands him into next week. Nebb28 runs over and sees this and whacks Joe in the face with his pet rock. Nebb also takes out Jose Gomez and Dr. Facts with the rocks as well. Dean Andrews takes out Nebb from behind as Bill Ray fights off Hot Dog, Reggie, and Garth Holmberg. Robert Davis has the letterman's jacket for Ray but he gets speared from behind by Justice Gray. These men are all tearing through Riverdale as Mr. Hopson's lemonade stand gets destroyed. All sorts of brawling as Pee Wee is kicking Rockstar Gary in the shins. Garth Holmberg takes a mop and beats on Gary now as Joe is hammered and breaking tables for some reason. Riverdale's block party is getting destroyed as Davis is making his way to the enemy base that contains GM Bayless. Ray is his last line of defense and they have a staredown. As this happens, an explosion is heard as the cabin containing Archie Stackhouse blows up and WAIT A MINUTE, THAT'S JESSE BAKER. Baker was behind the cabin when he set of the dynamite. The cabin is in pieces as the Covenant immediately run over to check on their leader as they toss aside wood and brick, hoping to find the man they call Archie Stackhouse. The ref signals the match to end as the Administration win the match and the GM's office but what happened to Stackhouse and why did Jesse Baker blow him up?

BoD Tag Team Championship Match
Midcard Mafia (Champions) vs. Upper Midcard Express 

Ferrari is here on time and cheering on his stablemates, who rode in a comfy Toyota Corolla to the arena tonight and had WiFi in their hotel as well. The UMX are arguing on who should start the match as kbjone runs in first and goes after Magoonie. kbjone misses a wild swing as Magoonie hits him with a dropkick. Tag to Piers, who springboards in with a clothesline for a nearfall as Petuka is shaking his head in disbelief while looking on from the apron. Petuka tags himself in and goes after Piers. He ducks his head for a backdrop as Piers gets two off of a sunset flip. Piers then takes him down with a side headlock as kbjone is now the one standing on the apron angry as his partner is failing in the ring. The Midcard Mafia are in total control as they are using quick tags to isolate Petuka. Magoonie is sent into the ropes as kbjone pulls them down and he crashes. kbjone is tied up with the  ref as Petuka slides out and sends Magoonie into the guardrail a few times. Petuka yells at him that he is getting the belts back as he rolls Magoonie into the ring but kbjone tags himself in and puts the boots to him, while Ferrari was on his cell phone. Petuka yells at his partner and tries to tag himself back in but kbjone moves away with a smirk on his face as he suplexes Magoonie. kbjone uses a chinlock as both Piers and Ferrari rally behind their partner. Looks like Ferrari is focused on the match and not is prestigous writing assignments. kbjone sends Magoonie into his corner and actually makes a tag to his partner as they set up for the double slingshot suplex but they have some miscommunication as Magoonie is able to reverse it into a double neckbreaker as all three men are down. The crowd is firmly behind the Midcard Mafia as Magoonie is up and makes the tag to Piers. Petuka and kbjone get up but Piers sends them back down with a double dropkick as he is running wild. He sends Petuka to the floor then works over kbjone. Petuka reaches underneath the apron and has what appears to be a steel pipe but Ferrari runs over and yanks it from him. They argue then Ferrari points to the ring as Magoonie knocks Petuka down with a baseball slide. Piers then tags Magoonie, who hits the dreaded Magooniplex before tagging Piers in again, who gets the win with a frog splash. Ferrari enters the ring and celebrates with his stablemates as Petuka gets up in the ring and starts yelling at the referee. kbjone slowly gets to his feet as Petuka switches his attention to him the decides to leave. 

Strike Force vs. Curtzerker w/ Biff Kensington III

Its time as the Chrysler Lebaron heads down the ring as Mar Solo, all hopped up on his special brew, gets out and pushes the car from behind. However, the HUSS section is in full effect tonight as they are HUSSING to the top of the lungs. The Berzerker sees this and makes his way to the section but BKIII and Williams remind him that the match is in the ring as the Berzerker just wants to be with his people. Match starts with the more hyper than ever Mar Solo running away from Williams while clapping his hands and pumping his fist. The Berzerker runs in and he tries to go after Solo but that fails as Solo hits him with a flying forearm. Williams finally catches Solo and whips him but Indeed comes in and they take out Curtzerker with dropkicks as they start their leaping high-fives in the ring as Curtzerker and BKIII regroup outside. Williams enters the ring and works with Indeed for the bit as he gets grounded on the mat. The Berzerker focuses on the HUSS section as BKIII yells at him to focus. Indeed gets a slam then jumps around and claps as he hits a deep armdrag with his 1987 Rick Martel hairstyle flowing around. He bounces off of the ropes but BKIII trips him up then denies doing so when questioned by the referee. Williams tags Berzerker and rams Indeed's face off of his boot. The HUSS section is going nuts as the Berzerker chokes out Indeed with his foot. The Berzerker is beating on Indeed, whose partner is enjoying an extra, extra large coffee that was delivered by a local barista. Curtzerker is abusing Indeed in the corner as Solo slams down his empty cup and rallies behind his partner. The HUSS section gets loud as Berzerker hits his ten HUSS chops in the corner. Indeed gets whipped into the corner but is able to get his knees up on a charging Williams as both men are down. Indeed crawls over to his partner and finally makes the tag as Solo is a House of Coffee right now. He runs wild over Curtzerker until BKIII stands up on the apron and distracts him, allowing the Berzerker to boot Solo through the ropes. Indeed climbs up top and goes for a crossbody but Berzerker catches him and hits a backbreaker before repeatedly yelling HUSS. Williams comes into the ring as the ref looks down on Solo and puts Indeed in the HUSS lock as The Berzerker screams HUSS into the face of Indeed but the referee reminds them that Indeed is not the legal man as Williams argues, Solo licks some special brew that spilled on the mat and peps right up and enters the ring where he takes Williams out with a flying forearm then ducks a clothesline from The Berzerker and puts him in a crucifix for the win!!! BKIII runs up on the apron in anger as Solo picks up his partner and celebrates with him as they start to high five all the way back to the Lebaron. 

BoD Writer's Championship Match
Logan Scisco vs. "Marvelous" Matt Perri (Champion) w/ Miss Danielle

Perri and Danielle once again come out mocking Stranger in the Alps as the old ladies in attendance shake their heads in disbelief. The mini-Stranger comes out holding a personal-sized pulled pork pizza from Papa John's that Perri kicks in his face as he and Danielle laugh hysterically. Match starts with Scisco having enough of Perri's antics and starts to fire away. Danielle jumps up on the apron and Scisco sends Perri into her as she falls down. Scisco tries to lock on the Boston Crab but Perri ducks outside. He tries to regroup but Scisco takes him out with a tope then starts hammering away. Miss Danielle runs over with her heel and hits Scisco off of the back of the head. Scisco goes after her but Perri sneak attacks him from behind. He stomps Scisco before rolling him back in the ring, where he chokes him out. Perri drops a knee on the back of Scisco before putting him in a chinlock. Scisco fights out of the hold then both men collide as they are now out on the mat. Perri gets up first but its Logan who comes up swinging. He catches Perri in the chin with a spinning heel kick for a two count as Miss Danielle is worried on the outside. Scisco hits a brainbuster and covers but Danielle puts Perri's foot on the ropes to break the count as Scisco yells at her. Scisco then climbs up top as Perri pulls the ref to him so he can examine his boot and that allows Danielle to spray Scisco in the eyes with her perfume as he falls down then Perri pushes the ref aside and softens Scisco up before dragging him near the middle of the ring and climbing up top for the flying elbow drop to get the win. After the match, Perri sends Scisco to the floor then grabs the mic:

"This whole writer's division is a damn joke! You have someone obsessed with ****1/2 matches and everyone else reviewing late 90's WCW. What a crew! No one here, I repeat, no one here has the capacity, mental or physical, to take this (holding up the BoD Writer's Championship)"

Perri then goes outside and tosses Scisco back into the ring and stomps away but all of a sudden, Laughing Sting propels down from the rafters and goes after Perri as he is fed up of what Perri has done to the Writer's Championship. Sting fights away but Miss Danielle kicks him low then Perri attacks Laughing Sting as the fans are disgusted. WAIT A MINUTE, FOLKS. THE LIGHTS HAVE GONE OUT!!!! WHAT'S THAT, A TRAIL OF MIST!!!!! The lights turn back on and its STRANGER IN THE ALPS!!!!!!!!!! STRANGER IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!! STRANGER IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Video of old ladies in hospitals who appear to be dying instantly show signs of life as the good news from the TV peps them right up! Perri runs away with Miss Danielle as Stranger goes over and helps up Laughing Sting and the midget impersonator of himself then snaps his fingers are two regulars-sized and one personal pulled pork pizzas from Papa Johns appear from the mist as they all enjoy their heartburn-crusted dinner.

And now, BKIII comes out to the ring. He says that Hoss has an open challenge for tonight. Hoss is then shown via satellite at a Pinkberry as he has two workers in a headlock as he starts to laugh. He says that his challenge is delayed because he is doing "god's work," which according to Hoss is getting rid of fake ice cream and mildly healthy toppings. Segment ends with Hoss daring someone in the BoD to dare eat fake ice cream in front of him again.

BoD Solid B+ Player Championship Match
Steve Ferrari vs. Hart Killer 09 (Champion)

Ferrari is out solo and remember folks, you can catch the Trib Cast on iTunes as the King of All Media is no longer Howard Stern but Steve Ferrari. Before the match, Hart Killer drops a kiwi on the mat then stomps it as it splatters on the mat as he clutches his arm, the same arm that he broke on Kaptain Kiwi. Hart Killer stalls to begin the match as the Prince of the Podcast grabs a hold of him then hammers away. Hart Killer tries to escape but Ferrari grabs his arm and tries to put on an armbar but he then is able to duck outside. Ferrari goes out after him but Hart Killer thumbs him in the eye then slams him into the guardrail before rolling inside in an attempt to beat the ten count. Ferrari goes on the apron as Hart Killer brings him in and puts on a chinlock. Ferrari breaks the hold as he is determined to win this title. Ferrari ducks a clothesline then comes back with a leg lariat. He then slams Hart Killer down. Ferrari sets up Hart Killer up top then climbs but Hart Killer kicks him down. Hart Killer goes for a top rope elbow but Ferrari rolls away. Ferrari goes over to Hart Killer but gets pulled down as Hart Killer grabs the tights and gets the win. Hart Killer rolls outside and tells us that with tears in his eye, Kaptain Kiwi will call him and say that is the greatest title defense he has ever seen while sitting in a hospital. The camera then shows an angry Ferrari as he heads backstage.

Jef Vinson vs. The Fuj

These two were the last men in the BoD Rumble match and they are facing off tonight. Both men stare each other down then lockup to start the match. Fuj shoves Vinson in the corner then stares him down as Vinson regroups. Fuj shoves Vinson off of another lockup then slowly moves around as he measures up his opponent. Vinson comes back like the fighter that he is and locks up again as he works a hammerlock then the action starts as each man goes back and forth until they end in a stalemate. Both guys work at it again then Fuj sends Vinson to the floor. Vinson hops back up onto the apron and avoids a swing by Fuj then hits him with an uppercut. Fuj staggers then Vinson springboards in but Fuj yanks the leg and snaps Vinson down as he is in agony as he clutches his leg. Fuj goes to work on Vinson as he targets the leg now. Fuj goes to work on Vinson for a while to soften him up for the ankle lock. Fuj goes to the second rope for a leg drop but Vinson misses as both men are down. Vinson helps himself up but out come the Job Mob as Murph takes out Vinson's leg as the ref rings the bell for the DQ. Zanatude and Chartock join in as they hoist up Vinson for the triple powerbomb but Fuj breaks that up as the Job Mob retreats. Vinson's leg is hurt here as the Fuj looks down the Job Mob as they head backstage.

BoD Heavyweight Championship Match
Cultstatus vs. Jobber (Champion) 

These two have another in the long line of classic confrontations tonight. Cult runs over and boots down the champ. Cult wants his belt back and he wants it now. Cult then whips Jobber into the ropes and catches him with a lariat. Cult beats on Jobber and yanks him back inside when he tries to escape. The Job Mob jump onto the apron as Cult attacks Zanatude and Chartock but Murph attacks him from behind. Jobber slides back inside and starts hammering away. Jobber chokes out Cult then picks him up for a backbreaker that gets two. Jobber starts beating up on Cult as the Job Mob distract the referee so Jobber and his boys can use illegal tactics. Jobber hits an Ace Crusher for two as he is in control of the match. Jobber gets an Irish whip reversed and knocks Murph off of the apron as Cult catches Jobber with a neckbreaker off of the rebound as both men are down. Cult is up first then throws haymakers on Jobber. The ref gets caught in between each guy but escapes then Murph whacks Cult with a pair of brass knux then Jobber hits the Razor's Edge for the win. The Job Mob then enter the ring as they all hold up a title belt while the show goes off of the air.


  1. Theberzerker, #HUSSAPPROVEDFebruary 23, 2015 at 9:25 PM

    This isn't over, Strike Force, not by a long HUSS!

    Biff needs a prop, like a megaphone or a tennis racket or something. We have bags and bags of powder in our lockers but we, uh...we don't, uh, want to waste it...just yet. Huss.

  2. Biff needs.....................a cane.

  3. Theberzerker, #HUSSAPPROVEDFebruary 23, 2015 at 9:27 PM

    Now THAT is an idea. With a golden oversized wolf's head on the end.

  4. I'll do a live journal of my thoughts as I read this show. Let's see here:

    "This has nothing to do with..."

    Already better than WWE's Fastlane. Great work, Bayless.

  5. (Andy PG is backstage as the Stranger returns. He fist-pumps and celebrates.)

    "Yes. The man is back. It's been too long, Stranger. We've crossed paths before, we'll do it again... but now it's clear. Get the title back from that joke of a human being. He thinks he owns this place? He thinks he's the best? Let's give him some justice, Stranger style.

    Eh, who's the 'us' here? Who am I kidding? Stranger, good luck. I've fallen behind with injuries. You deserve it more than I.

    But there is something I want to do. Bayless... I know you're in a rough place right now, but I'm going to ask for a favor. Since I'm not a contender for the Writer's Title, I still wanna make Blog of Doom's Mania II. And I think I have a way. I know you'll like it, I know the fans will like it, and I know the locker room will like it. Let's have a match in honor of an old friend.

    I'm requesting that we run the Officer Farva Memorial Battle Royal at Mania II. And if we do... put my name in it, because I'm going to win it.

    The Officer was a man who stirred discussion, much like me. He wasn't afraid to speak his mind and get into arguments with others, and he didn't back down. That's what this place is about -- speaking out your opinion regardless of what the majority thinks. I want the chance to honor him, and I want you to give me that chance.

    Bayless... make it happen."

  6. I lost steam towards the end. The undercard was better written

  7. That will tend to happen. How much of the last couple months have been all you? Have you had any help?

  8. All me. I start a little of it Tuesday, think about it Sunday night, and write it Monday during RAW

  9. Okay, you got 'em good, DBSM... the old Michael Winslow fake bell sound effect distraction finish. I, on the other hand, am a little pissed off. That pipe I was getting underneath the ring was legal! The Midcard Mafia has no right taking it from me. It's for my inverted, modified Petuka Bazooka. Completely within the rules.

  10. I honestly thought you had help because so many of these things had stayed fresh. It's not a slight on you--it's just that most humans would burn out by now. In any case, it's impressive stuff. Thanks for the shows.

  11. Dancing is for nerds!!!

  12. Your welcome. It gets me through RAW

  13. Absolutely, they've established this model for "returning" ex superstars to do fuck all and get paid bazillions and get title wins, no house shows and just work PPV's which are now, essentially, DOA with the Network. I don't understand how it was ever a sustainable model for the WWE paying these tippy-top semi-retired guys' beach house in Malta money and getting any kind of return?

  14. Charismatic eNegro Jef VinsonFebruary 23, 2015 at 10:06 PM

    ***EXCLUSIVE on the BoD NETWORK (only9.99contactyourlocalcableandsatelliteproviders)

    *Sitting in my new Top 5 dressing room while I hold an ice pack on my leg. I wince in pain as look up at the camera*

    Yes, I'm important enough to get ice packs.

    Good match Fuj. No, I'm not doing a mutual respect thing. I'm giving you enough credit to take advantage of a lapse in judgement. See I wasn't thinking about you. I was concerned with that herd of hapless hom*BEEP* the Job Mob. I'm gonna get back to you in a minute, but I have to address something.

    I'm above dealing with vermin, but every once in awhile I have to get my hands dirty. It is now open season on you bitches in the Job Mob. All of you are getting fu*BEEP* up, YOU HEAR ME?!?!? I'M TIRED OF FUC*BEEP*NG AROUND WITH YOU!!!

    *Sits back down, picks up a custom pearl handled cane.*

    I thought if I cut the head off, the body will die. "Strike the shepherd and the sheep will scatter" and all that. But sheep are dumb animals and they sometimes too stupid for their own good. ....they are not survivors. They are not strong and independent creatures, not proud hunters or fierce predators. They're actually kind of pathetic, entirely dependent upon a shepherd. See you have a purpose and that is to be subservient to the high life forms on this planet...and trust me, there IS no higher life form on this planet than ME. But you got feisty.

    And for that, you must be slaughtered..

    I'm gonna catch each of you dumb ass sheep alone.. You can't be up under Jobber or Bayless forever. I'll catch you when you're running Jobbers errands or washing Bayless car. (by the way, how's that Festiva running?) I'm going to witness the fear and confusion in your eyes as I run up on you and slit your throat and see the life drain out of you. I'm going to make an example of you. and it starts tonight.

    *Valet comes in with a rolled up carpet on a luggage cart.*

    Now what do we have here?

    *My valet unrolls the carpet to reveal Chartock restrained in duct tape*

    Didn't you learn from what happened to your drunken friend last week?

    *Pulls handle of my cane to reveal a sword. Chartock screams as I hold the sword to his neck.*

    Valet: "Le temps de mourir, petit mouton."

    Oh and Fuj, you and I have unfinished business. I'm gonna see you later about it. But first, Mr. Chartlock is about to have his...

    *Valet brushes my hair before knocking him out with a roundhouse kick*

    ...brush with greatness.

    *Valet spits on Chartock before closing the door*

  15. Maybe Brock's contract makes for a good tax writeoff?

  16. Charismatic eNegro Jef VinsonFebruary 23, 2015 at 10:07 PM

    If I can get time I'll seriously help with the writing.. I'd be fair about it too.

    I'd have to get reacquainted with names and such.

  17. email me any ideas

  18. Charismatic eNegro Jef VinsonFebruary 23, 2015 at 10:18 PM

    You need to say the word HUSS in the place of other words more often.

  19. *goes to the back and embraces Mark-Linn Baker as the C-List Posse all share devilish grins*

    As always, my man, just like in your good ol A PLAN!

    *everyone laughs into a end-of-show freeze frame*

  20. Charismatic eNegro Jef VinsonFebruary 23, 2015 at 10:20 PM

    Upvote for the end-of-show freeze frame.

  21. If Brock goes back to UFC, does he wear a giant bandage over his belly like King Hippo?

  22. Right? Chill on the farm with Sable for nine months of a year, show up for like 10 days of work, GET FUCKING PAID

  23. At what point did you turn on Reigns, Scott? I remember you being all for him not too long ago.

  24. Brock's going to UFC, he wouldn't have quickly got in significantly better shape otherwise.

  25. Is the writer's title going to be changed to the Writer's Championship Wrestling (WCW) championship, by any chance?

  26. The Job Mob, led by zanatude, have an extremely broad skill set that makes it easy to write quality material for.

  27. OMG, it's Roman Reigns. And he's confused!

  28. Don't be dumb!

    He'll obviously wear a manhole cover over his belly, like in Punch-Out Wii, of course!

  29. Probably at the same time as the rest of us

  30. Only Brock Lesnar will have both Dana White and Vince McMahon falling over each other to bid for him. There is no other man like him.

  31. He was doing fine in the Shield as the guy who would come in and do the cool superman punch and apron dropkick and was looking like a future prospect a few years down the line, but by Summerslam they decided he had to be THE GUY and it had to be RIGHT FUCKING NOW and I checked out of the Reigns Train, Kurt Cobain.

  32. (A makeshift shrine has been erected outside the wreckage of the cabin where Stackhouse was last seen. A blown-up photo of Archie bloodying a random Riverdale passerby with Jughead for jaywalking sits in a frame surrounded by candles in empty milk bottles. The Riverdale Covenant is ushering the people of Riverdale through the line to pay their respects. Robert Davis is at the head of the line with Jughead, looking forlorn. He stifles a tear, and a Riverdale citizen rolls his eyes. This is a mistake.

    Davis LEVELS him with Jughead! He goes down, bleeding all over the framed photograph. The rest of the Covenant joins in the beatdown as the line scrambles! Finally, they finish beating him to a bloody pulp and turn as one to Archie's photo. They take a knee, led by Robert Davis, muttering "Welcome to Hell. Riverdale." over and over, as we cut to black.

    Where is Archie Stackhouse?)

  33. In hindsight, the entire Brock ordeal was doomed from the get-go. He doesn't want to work that much and he gets paid a redonkulous amount for the few dates he has. To get him to show up more, WWE has to pay an even more outrageous amount. They can never get their return on investment and his intermittent appearances make it extremely difficult to craft quality storylines. If they were even good at doing that anymore.

    Props to Brock though. Guy gets paid millions to show up and kick ass for maybe 1/12 of the year. He always looks like a badass, never appears weak, got to end Taker's streak, won the title and took it home, and doesn't hafta deal with house shows or even most Raws.

    WWE is so fucking stupid it's hilarious.

  34. The Job Mob are half Freebirds, half Horsemen, and half Legion of Doom.

  35. [The parking lot outside the arena. Biscuit is slumped by his Buick Regal surrounded by several empty cans of Surly "Furious" Beer]

    Biscuit: *BELCH* I guess BDSM thinks the "C" in "C List" is for *hic* chicanery! Michael Winslow, you're *BRAP* lucky I respect GW Bailey and Ed "Too Tall" Jones s'much as I do. Cap'n Harris and Hightower saved you from a viscous Native *hic* American Deathlock! I *retch* g'r'tee you won't be shampyin after DoD Mania. *DEEP INHALE* I don't even care! if I get my rematch which I deserve cause, cause MAHONEY! made that goddamn bell noise. Bobcat Goldthwait would be ash- ashamed. I don't care! I'll make sure you *hic* don't leave BB Mania with that title even if s'not to me but it should be me because I am a WRESTLER. Now. I'm gonna go get suh'thin' t'eat. Yeah I'm good to drive. I'M THE REAL CHAMPION!

    Justine Bateman... is a WHORE!

    [Gets into the Regal, inhales and exhales forcefully, pops some gum and drives away too fast for the parking garage]

  36. Six-man excellence requires 150% effort.

  37. The thing about Michaels is, he could afford to lose at WM11 since the fans respected/kinda liked him since he was such a good worker. (The fact that he was way better than Diesel didn't hurt either.)

    If Reigns gets beaten up by Lesnar at WM31, then Reigns is probably dead in the water forever. It would take a massive improvement on his part, and (much more importantly) a massive improvement in how he's written and booked for fans to actually get invested in a Reigns comeback for WM32.

    So WWE has booked themselves into a corner where they essentially have to put Reigns over Lesnar, since they probably can't afford to have Roman lose after all this pushing and they probably can't literally afford to re-sign Brock on an even more expensive contract.

  38. *a single loud clap that lights up a star, followed by a deep laugh from the black guy on Night Court*

  39. Harsh to call the girl ugly, but she's not a production-line "Diva"

  40. Lol at that last sentence

  41. Yeah, I see her as the next to be demoted to the main roster

  42. Stranger in the AlpsFebruary 24, 2015 at 5:32 AM Comeback Playa of the Year!

  43. Stranger in the AlpsFebruary 24, 2015 at 5:54 AM

    Thank you for the support, Mr. Andrew Parental Guidance.

    I call everyone by their full name.

  44. Keep the camera rolling, i'm having a rare moment of clarity. You wanna know why the Job Mob runs this show, why I rock brass knucks with my pink Chucks? See, i was born a heel. Friends always turned on me, dogs growl when I walk the street, good gorls dont like me and bad girls do because they don't like themselves. But then I met Jobber. He was like me, a fucked up degenerate. But he was rich, successful, living the California dream while I was scraping by in a white trash swamp in upstate NY. And he offered me stuuuuupid money to have his back, to do the dirty work so he could keep that gold around his waist and those hos down below it. The rest of the Job Mob have their own reasons, Zanatude might be trying to hold onto his belts and Chartock needs surgery for his sick cat, but i'm only here for three things: Get paid, get high, get gone. You ask how I could go out and tip the scales in every mat h on the card, run this show so my homie can stay on top? Its so I can keep living like a hog at the trough, getting so fucked up I can pretend i'm not on th same planet as the rest of you fucking hypocrites. So yeah, i'll jump Curry on a stretcher, i'll knock out Fuj, i'll screw Vinson out of a win, i'll trick out Miss Danielle, bribe Bayless, throw Beard Money's granny into barbed wire and spit on Scott Keith's kid. I'll do every kinda dirty, violent, illegal, immoral, and unsafe job that Jobber pays me to just to stay in Peruvian flake, White Rhino, and Blue Dolphins. Because I was born to do dirty work.

  45. Promo of the year

  46. Charismatic eNegro Jef VinsonFebruary 24, 2015 at 6:46 AM

    The Free Horses of Doom?
    The Legion of Horse Birds?

  47. A BoD PPV payout...Rock Star Gary will take that dough, Joe. Thanks, bookerman!

  48. Are these promos canonical? Do I have to follow all the action in these too so mine make sense? Too much work.

  49. Charismatic eNegro Jef VinsonFebruary 24, 2015 at 5:49 PM

    No. My promos go off of what happened at that particular show. It's not that serious. You don't have to follow if you don't want to.

    Just know i tried to kill you in the past.

  50. (Bill Ray sits in a dark room; we can't see him, but we can hear his voice)

    "First of all, I just want to say that Plan B was not my idea. Make no mistake, it was effective, but Baker may have gone too far. The way I learned, you fought a man with your fists. You won some, you lost some, but you walked away. The other thing I learned is, if you're afraid to go into the'll never make it out.
    (Bill turns the light on, to reveal he's in Caliber's hospital room)
    This will be you, Riverdale Covenant. Maybe not tonight, maybe not tomorrow, but soon. Until then...mourn, grieve, do whatever it is you need to do. Also..beware of the man that lives in shadow."
    (Bill grins, and turns the light out)


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