The
SmarK Rant for WWE NXT 2.0 – 12.07.21
(I got 90 minutes into the show last night and then the blog got hacked and I got distracted. So here's what I had done before then!)
Two NXT
shows in a 48 hour span! It’s the real
Christmas miracle!
Live from
Orlando, FL
Your hosts
are Vic Joseph & Wade Barrett
CAGE OF
STEEL: Von Wagner v. Kyle O’Reilly
Kyle again
outsmarts Captain Caveman and lays him out during his entrance, and then chases
him into the cage and beats on him.
Wagner comes back with a clothesline and works him over in the corner,
but KOR works the arm until Von Cro Magnon gets a slam. Kyle beats him down with knees again and
tears at his face, but Von Beverly puts him down with a big boot and a gut
wrench. Crowd: “You still suck”. They’re smarter than I gave them credit for
previously. Von chokes him out with a
boot on the ropes, but Kyle tries picking the ankle from his back and then
fires back with kicks until Von, surprise, slams him again. Destrucity splash gets two. Wagner goes to a devastating rolling cuddle
on the mat, putting Kyle in imminent danger of hyperthermia due to oversharing
of body heat, but Kyle somehow breaks free of this predicament and takes out
Von’s knee in the corner. Wagner tries a
powerbomb into the cage, but Kyle DDTs him and we take a break. Funnily enough, the first commercial is a WWE
ad for Smackdown, featuring a bunch of people who have since been fired. Time to update the marketing. Back with Kyle making a comeback with a
sliding knee and some forearm shots into the cage, which sets up a guillotine
in the ropes. Wagner’s prehistoric spinal
ridges save him and he’s able to slam out of it for two. Kyle beats him down
again and goes up, but Wagner follows him up like a monkey chasing a bone up a
monolith, and Kyle sends him down for a flying knee that gets two. The mistake is that he keeps hitting Wagner
in the forehead ridge, where the bone is thickest. Von goes low, however, and sends Kyle into
the cage because STEEL BAD and finishes him clean with the Slam of the Cave
Bear at 12:53 to draw groans from the audience.
Even the 300 paid studio audience members aren’t buying into this
guy. Match was entertaining for what it
was, which was Kyle O’Reilly wrestling himself for 10 minutes and Von Wagner
occasionally doing another variation on a slam.
***1/4 And then Von puts him in
the cage door and slams it a few times so that if Kyle shows up at a
hypothetical winter-themed outlaw mudshow next week no one will ever buy him as
an “elite” wrestler. I know I’m
convinced!
Meanwhile, Joe Gacy continues annoying me by
existing. Hopefully he can work on that
as a part of his developmental strategy.
Bron
Breakker joins us
and the fake crowd noise for him is ridiculous, especially considering he’s
already over and the biggest star of the show and doesn’t need piped in
“Breakker” chants. So Bron quickly
challenges Ciampa to a rematch, but Diamond Mine interrupts, as Bivens calls
him “Lebron” and notes that the weight limit has been lifted from Roderick
Strong’s title and now Roddy is after Bron.
Look, I don’t object to turfing the Cruiserweight title concept, but
this show does not need three heavyweight singles titles. Anyway, it’s Bron v.
Strong next week.
The
Creed Brothers v. Josh Briggs & Brooks Jensen
And we go
to a break after the entrances and return for the start, at which point
Imperium interrupts and watches from the weird balcony. I would once again like to stress how awesome
that Imperium were on that Wargames show, and Aichner is out of his mind great
recently. And just to throw another layer
of nonsense here, the Grizzled Young Vets are doing commentary. Coy and Vance double-team Julius and Vance
gets a splash, but Brutus comes in and throws Coy around before the Creeds do
some awkwardly-timed double-teaming.
Speaking of Creeds, I bought the Rocky IV Director’s cut a while ago but
still haven’t gotten around to watching it yet.
I’m assuming this is the version where Apollo doesn’t get brutally
murdered by the Russian, right? The
Creeds throw out Coy or Vance or whichever fake Duke boy and Julius gets a
stretch muffler as this shitty match just drags on and dies on the TV
screen. Anyway, the Vets untie the tag
rope from the Duke corner and thus can’t make the tag legally, but then one of
them runs Julius into the other one and rolls him up for the pin at 6:00 of my
life that I’ll never get back again.
This was ATROCIOUS and the BJs are a disgrace to the good name of the
General Lee. How are they even allowed
to call themselves Dukes? -** They
actually do need a trailer trash valet to play Daisy Duke. I nominate bringing back Audrey Marie. You know, for science and the good of the
show.
Speaking of
atrocious, Von Wagner says that WARGAMES OVER, BUT REALLY WARGAMES JUST
BEGUN.
Meanwhile, Xyon Quinn is shadow boxing when
he heard you on the radio. Huh. I just don’t know.
Duke
Hudson joins us and
he’s sporting a different blonder haircut.
Despite his convincing explanation, Cameron Grimes interrupts and Duke
literally puts on the same headgear that Kurt Angle used back in 2001 when they
did this gag the last time. So Grimes
challenges him to a No Holds Barred rematch next week. Grimes already beat him and shaved his head,
it’s time to move on.
Meanwhile, Jacket Time gets into a fight with
the Vets backstage while the BJs go to a concert with the KCs and someone is
sleeping behind the counter apparently.
What even was that?
Meanwhile, Grayson Waller puts the moves on
someone, but LA Knight uses his hot car to steal her away. Oh great that’s still going too.
Dexter
Lumis v. Carmelo Hayes
Dexter
slugs him down to start but Hayes fights back and grabs a headlock, allowing
Dexter to run him into the corner and further injure the taped ribs. Lumis goes after Trick Williams and walks
into a flying clothesline from Carmelo for two.
Hayes works on the injured hand and this match sucks, but Lumis does his
weird yoga pose at Trick and Hayes catches him with a kick as we take a break. Back with Hayes going back to working the
hand and then going to a chinlock. See,
now there’s psychology for a tag team match, you break the guy’s hand so that
he can’t make the tag and thus will be stuck on the ring apron forever. Makes about as much sense as sabotaging the
tag rope. Back to Hayes working the hand
as Vic notes that this was supposed to be Dexter v. Trick Williams tonight,
which is ridiculous because it implies that they advertise anything for this
show. Dexter comes back with
clotheslines and the bulldog for two.
Hayes rolls him up for two, but Lumis gets the Silence and Trick runs in
for the DQ at 11:25. Way too long for
that stupid finish. *1/2
Meanwhile, MSK finally finds their shaman,
and it’s Matt Riddle. Six weeks of
buildup for THAT? So they bond and share
weed. That was the best they could come
up with?
Meanwhile, Toxic Attraction poses and cuts a
promo on Vic Joseph on the way to the ring.
Meanwhile, the Way is mostly reunited.
Yulisa
Leon & Valentina Feroz v. Toxic Attraction
Gigi
randomly has ribs taped up and Jayne has an elbow taped up to sell Wargames and
show how brutal it was. They could
barely even pose in the aisle and on the apron and in the ring and on the apron
again! Leon gets double-team while Vic
notes there’s an old saying: “He who has
the gold has the power.” That’s not a
real saying. I’ve literally never heard
any human being ever say that, ever.
Jayne with a chinlock, but Leon escapes with a slam and brings in
Feroz. She goes up with a crossbody on
Dolan for two while yelling a lot, but Jacy clotheslines her and hits a big
boot for the pin at 3:45. And then we
get more posing. Cora Jade interrupts
the posing, and then Raquel runs down with a chair and chases them off. WARGA…oh wait we already did that one.
Meanwhile, Tiffany Stratton does gymnastics. Apparently she was an Olympic athlete. Good to know.
Meanwhile, Tony D’Angelo shows off Pete
Dunne’s mouthpiece but Andre Chase interrupts and they’re gonna have a match
next week.
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