Tuesday, December 11, 2012

The Piledriving Critique: Scott Steiner's Freakshow Workout

Time to get in shape with the Big Bad Booty Daddy.


Remember to follow me on twitter! @maskedreviewer

11 comments:

  1. HOOO, MASKED REVIEWER, YOU GOTTA BE OUTTA YOUR MIND DOING A PILEDRIVER CRI-TEEK OF MY STRENOUS WORKOUT REGIMENT! YOU GOTTA BE OUTTA YOUR MIND LEAVING OUT "THE BIG DIPPER" FROM THE TAGS AT THE END OF THE PAGE! BUT MORE IMPORTANT, I GOTTA SOME RECORDS STRAIGHT! YOU SEE, THIS VIDEO THAT YOU PUTONTHEPAAAGE DOESN'T REPRESENT THE BIG BAD BOOTY DADDY IN A REPRESENTATIVE MANNER! IN FACT, I LEFT OUT ALL MY MAIN SECRETS OF WORKING OUT MY PEAKS JUST SO I CAN SHARE THEM WITH YOU, RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW!


    YOU SEE, WHEN I WAKE UP IN THE MORNING, I GET DOWN ON THE FLOOR AND I DO FIFTY COCK PUSHUPS JUST TO GET WARMED UP; EITHER THAT, OR I JUST DO AS MANY AS I CAN BEFORE I JIZZ ALL OVER MY CARPET, WHICH IS USUALLY AFTER THREE OR FOUR. AND IF YOU COULD SEE THE MORNING WOOD BESTOWED UPON FREAKZILLA WHEN HE WAKES UP, AFTER DREAMING ALL NIGHT OF SATISFYING ALL MY FREAKS IN MY SUBCRANIUM, YOU'D UNDERSTAND! AND THE BEST PART IS, MY CARPET'S WHITE, SO NO ONE CAN SEE THE JIZZ STAINS WHEN THEY WALK IN!


    THEN, AFTER A BREAKFEAST OF HORSE MEAT SLAUGHTERED FRESH RIGHT IN MY BACKYARD, TWENTY CHICKEN EGGS THAT I HAND-PULLED FROM THE COCK'S ANUS, AND POUNDING DOWN SIXTY OUNCES OF ANTIBIOLIC STEROIDS, THEN I GO TO THE GYM! NOW WHAT YOU SEE IN THE VIDEO IS ONLY A TASTE OF THE TRUE SCOTT STEINER WORKOUT! YOU SEE, I WORK OUT, BUT I WORK WITH THREE OF MY FREAKS, AND WE'RE ALL NAKED! AND WHILE I'M COVERING THE BENCH WITH MY BIG BAD BOOTY JUICE, JACKING MY ARMS, MY FREAKS ARE DOWN BELOW, JACKING ME OFF! AND WHEN I LIFT MY LOG UP AND DOWN, MY FREAKS ARE WORKING *MY* LOG, UP AND DOWN! SO JUST IN CASE YOU DIDN'T GET IT, I'M WORKING OUT, AND I'M HAVING SEX!


    SO AFTER THAT, I GO DO MY MATCH, AND THEN YOU'RE WONDERING "SCOTT STEINER, YOU PERFECT GENETIC SPECIMEN, WHATCHA GONNA DO FOR AN ENCORE?" WELL, I TAKE WHATEVER DIVA OR KNOCKOUT OR SLUT THAT WILL OPEN UP, AND I GO DO HER FOR AN ENCORE! AND BECAUSE I'M ALL JACKED UP FROM ALL MY JACKED-UP AND JACKED-OFF WORKOUTS, I STRETCH HER OUT SO WHEN I'M DONE WITH HER, HER HOLE'S LIKE A PRINGLES CAN WITH ROAST BEEF GLUED TO THE TOP! THEN I GET MY GRUB ON AT THE LOCAL CRACKER BARREL, HELPING MYSELF TO FIFTY HEAPING POUNDS OF THEIR FINEST MILKSTEAKS!


    THEN AFTER'S ALL SUD'N'DUN, I GO HOME, SIT IN MY STEINER RECLINER, AND I JACK OFF FOR FIFTY HOURS BEFORE I SLEEP! AND THEN I DO IT AGAIN THE NEXT DAY!


    YOU SEE, MASKED REVIEWER, THAT'S WHO I AM AND THAT'S HOW I STAY FREAKZILLA, THE BIG BAD BOOTY DADDY, THE ALPHA AND THE ZAPPA OF ALL LIVING BEINGS! THAT'S THE TRUE SCOTT STEINER EXPERIENCE, BITCH!

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  2. I am surprise people actually find Steiner funny. To me, he was and always will be a buffoon. Some of my friends loved this guy and when I asked them why they say because he is funny.

    But here has always been my belief:

    When The Rock cuts a promo, I laugh with them.

    When Scott Steiner cuts a promo, I laugh at him.

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  3. To each his own. My sense of humor must be different from yours. I find the dude genuinely hilarious on the mic.


    I'd rather hear Steiner cut a promo than damn near anyone else in the business.

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  4. I guess. I never found him entertaining but others do, which is fine.

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  5. By Steiner, you mean the Big Poppa Pump character? Back in the day, he was just a normal babyface and part of one of the best tag teams ever. Oh, and he was absolutely ridiculous in the ring.

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  6. Thank you. I was really bored at 3am last night, so when is a better time to channel my inner Steiner?

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  7. Did you.....did you John Malkovich your way into Steiner??

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  8. Holy shit. My life is complete... now my head is filled with images of Scott Steiner pulling eggs out of chickens' asses.

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  9. He also motivates himself to workout by watching matches of Team 3D and THEIR FATTTT ASSSESSSS!

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  10. He takes the chickens and says he's gonna do them an egg.

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