Hello Blog O'Doomers. I always enjoy a fight that Chael Sonnen loses. It was especially funny because Chael was deep into his antics as Jones is patiently doing his thing...stretching, praying, kissing his family and then he walks in the octagon and beats his ass. That's what I want out of my top fighters, no frills, no time for your games, just wait until the bell and I'll break my toe while kicking your ass.
I'm sure Dana White the huckster promoter was hoping Sonnen survived the last 30 seconds for the controversy of gifting his biggest loudmouth a title he didn't deserve, but Dana White the guy that works hard to promote UFC as more legit than boxing is happy things finished the way they did because it was clear from the first take down that Jones v. Sonnen was an epic mismatch.
That being said I'm shocked Vince hasn't tried to talk to Sonnen already. He seems to envision himself as a sports entertainer. I mean sure his shtick is mostly regurgitated from the past but I think he has the chops to make it in professional wrestling. Hell I would have tried to sign Rampage Jackson as soon as he was done with the UFC. It's a fairly low-risk signing. If guys like that don't work in the ring they can still have roles and both guys have the charisma to cut a promo, even the crappy ones the writers give them. Sure the rest of the locker might be a little jealous at these guys making good money without paying their dues but who's going to fuck with them?
Anyway moving on, does anyone think we're headed to Cena vs. Brock for Summerslam? And if we aren't why not? If there was ever a time to make Brock earn the money it's in the next 8-9 months. Brock holding the strap post Summerslam could be the sort of boost the company needs to take it through the rest of 2013 and into 2014. Yea? Nay?
This is long enough as it is so I say enjoy the show and come out swinging but keep it clean.
I'm sure Dana White the huckster promoter was hoping Sonnen survived the last 30 seconds for the controversy of gifting his biggest loudmouth a title he didn't deserve, but Dana White the guy that works hard to promote UFC as more legit than boxing is happy things finished the way they did because it was clear from the first take down that Jones v. Sonnen was an epic mismatch.
That being said I'm shocked Vince hasn't tried to talk to Sonnen already. He seems to envision himself as a sports entertainer. I mean sure his shtick is mostly regurgitated from the past but I think he has the chops to make it in professional wrestling. Hell I would have tried to sign Rampage Jackson as soon as he was done with the UFC. It's a fairly low-risk signing. If guys like that don't work in the ring they can still have roles and both guys have the charisma to cut a promo, even the crappy ones the writers give them. Sure the rest of the locker might be a little jealous at these guys making good money without paying their dues but who's going to fuck with them?
Anyway moving on, does anyone think we're headed to Cena vs. Brock for Summerslam? And if we aren't why not? If there was ever a time to make Brock earn the money it's in the next 8-9 months. Brock holding the strap post Summerslam could be the sort of boost the company needs to take it through the rest of 2013 and into 2014. Yea? Nay?
This is long enough as it is so I say enjoy the show and come out swinging but keep it clean.
I could see them going with ex-UFC'ers once HHH is firmly in charge. Vince still seems to subscribe to that mindset that you can't already be a star in a rival promotion and come in to WWE without being torn down and re-built... something I don't see Sonnen going for, especially if FOX has a sweet broadcasting deal waiting for him.
ReplyDeleteSo, are we supposed to talk about UFC or Summerslam here?
ReplyDeleteSwinging and cleaning, I think.
ReplyDeleteBut doesn't Brock actually have to win a match to get the belt?
ReplyDeleteHe can just pretend that he did, like Pat Patterson. Or buy one like Ted DiBiase or Zack Ryder.
ReplyDeleteI wasn't a fan of Sonnen at all until this past season of TUF. Unlike previous seasons where the coaches always talked about how their guy would win easily regardless of the contestants involved, Sonnen would actually give Jones' guys props before fights and credit after them. He left most of his schtick at home and I became a fan. I get that the hype machine is no different than wrestling (guys talking shit to get buys and eyes), but it can be very annoying (looking at you, Diazes!). So even though Chael got whupped, I'll be cheering him on from now on.
ReplyDeleteIt's open mic genius :)
ReplyDeleteI would think he wins since HHH has to take himself off TV soon.
ReplyDeleteWhy does he have to take himself off TV?
ReplyDeleteSo, The Rock tweeted about Nick Collins, and I kind of think Rocky may be on the DL? Not sure if anyone has watched The Rock's documentary on Netflix, but I dunno, I get some interesting gaydar vibes from the lighting, the way The Rock sits and conducts himself in those interviews, and the fact that his ex-wife keeps saying "What a good friend" Rocky is.
ReplyDeleteNot that there's anything wrong with that, but it's a theory.
I think it's half work and half shoot with Chael. He's got plenty of shtick, but he's very opinionated as well.
ReplyDeleteHe praised Jones before and after his beating, but he was still taking shots at Anderson Silva during the post-fight presser Saturday night, saying that he beat on Silva for 30 minutes and got no offense on Jones... thus making Jones the better fighter.
He *did* receive pretty high praise for his role in Be Cool. So the question becomes, just how good an actor is he?
ReplyDeleteWell he did win that retirement match, so naturally he needs to go back to being a retired wrestler
ReplyDeletePW Insider reports that CM Punk has been pulled from all dates from now until Summerslam.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate the update Brian, but I almost downvoted that just because I want mah dayum CM Punk!
ReplyDeleteNo problem.
ReplyDeleteNo Punk will make for a dull Summer of WWE programming
From the lighting and the way he sits? lol
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand:
http://youtu.be/Wcz_kDCBTBk
Brock kills Cena at Summerslam, Punk comes back to join Team Heyman and asks Brock for a title shot. Brock snaps and destroys Punk (turning him face) and that sets up RR winner CM Punk vs Brock at WM XXX with Taker/Cena as double main event
ReplyDeleteFUCK YOU SEATTLE.
ReplyDeleteENJOY NOT HAVING BASKETBALL!
Not sure what former Green Bay Packer Nick Collins, who has a wife and kids, has to do with a gaydar but okay.
ReplyDeleteOh, you meant Jason Collins. I can be flippant about sexual orientation, too!
But if HHH is hiring experienced MMA guys, by the time they pay their dues they will be too old. And you know how big HHH is on paying dues. After working out, paying your dues is the most important thing necessary to being a great wrestler, right?
ReplyDeleteI do hope they get a team back there, but I'd feel kinda bad if it was at Sacramento's expense
ReplyDeleteTake Milwaukee or Atlanta, they don't give a fuck.
ReplyDeleteDid you type this on your IPhone? Just FYI, your autocorrect changed "Paul's fantasy" to "a theory".
ReplyDeleteRicardo is the best wrestler in there.
ReplyDeleteI like it... As much as we bitch about having the same guys wrestled each other over and over, this isn't that.
ReplyDeleteSo I guess the bWo has finally taken over.
ReplyDeleteDolph's flunkie wins so he doesn't have to!
ReplyDeleteI think the hierarchy is:
ReplyDeleteMarry your bosses daughter > Work out > Love THIS BUSINESS > pay dues > get your win back > buy Redbook for the hair care tips
This match needs a good old fashioned test of strength.
ReplyDeleteOk, the bucket toss was funny.
ReplyDeleteAre we sure Vince Russo wasn't secretly rehired to write for RAW?
ReplyDeleteExtreme Rules is later this month? So tomorrow?
ReplyDeleteMY NAME IS CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPS!
ReplyDeleteWell, that was closer to LWO than Mexicools, at least.
ReplyDeleteCAPS
ReplyDeleteI was initially annoyed by the prospect of this match. It turned out fairly entertaining for what it was though.
ReplyDelete"Join us after the break to see us kiss our own ass."
ReplyDeleteBradshaw just can't look not awkward in the booth segments.
ReplyDeleteI think we both forgot the step where you become bffs with one of the best wrestlers of all time (and the guy that has the boss by the balls, so he can do whatever he wants)
ReplyDeleteCUE BROCK LESNAR
ReplyDeleteMaybe I'm just a terrible human being but I would be immensely amused if someone came out to knock Cena out.
ReplyDeleteThis guy is never turning heel.
ReplyDeleteHERE COMES THE PAIN!!
ReplyDeleteWell, you can actually hear 12 people who are there for Cena when the Make a Wish kids are with him since there's no boos.
ReplyDeleteWell, CM Punk's on vacation, so clearly he isn't coming out here.
ReplyDeletethose kids would literally piss and shit themselves
ReplyDeleteI cant hate on Cena when it comes to stuff like this...
ReplyDeleteUnless he does it right now by hitting AAs on all three of these kids.
ReplyDeleteIf they're honorary WWE superstars, there is a 50/50 chance they'll beat cancer.
ReplyDeleteJust hate WWE for exploiting these children to enhance their image.
ReplyDeleteNICK THE DICK WOULD'VE BEEN A KEWL HEEL NAME
ReplyDeleteHe'll never out awkward you in any situation. Don't you worry your pretty little head. <3
ReplyDeleteThey all get to beat their choice of Cesaro or Ryder tonight.
ReplyDeleteWHO THE FUCK ARE THEY GONNA WRESTLE? HORNSWAGGLE?!
ReplyDeleteKids already have better names than the son of Perfect....
ReplyDeleteSo condescending Cena
ReplyDelete"Hulk Logan" was RIGHT THERE, man.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, this is actually kind of adorable and heartwarming.
Logan Parks sounds like the name WWE would give someone in developmental
ReplyDeleteThey might be exploiting them but Im sure the kids dont give a single fuck about that. Good for them, better than some 30 second squash match anyway...
ReplyDeleteDONT CHEER THIS
ReplyDeleteThe only way a crowd doesn't boo Cena: trot out children with cancer. I bet he starts bringing them with him to ringside every week.
ReplyDeleteRemember last night during Game of Thrones, when they stopped the show cold to tell everyone about all the charity work they do?
ReplyDeleteEnjoy being superstars kids. As soon as you leave the arena, the clock on your 90 day no-compete clause begins.
ReplyDeleteBOO THEM AND THEIR PARENTS
ReplyDelete"Sorry, kids, Creative has nothing for you. We wish you the best in your future endeavors."
ReplyDeleteThree weeks later
"SAY HELLO TO THE NEWEST MEMBERS OF ACES & EIGHTS!"
KURT ANGLE IS ROLLING OVER HIS GRAVE WATCHING THIS
ReplyDelete"What are they doing in the Impact Zone?!"
ReplyDeleteI'd still boo if I was there, I don't give a fuck.
ReplyDeletePower was out here and just came back on. Based on the comments, is it safe to assume I didn't miss much?
ReplyDeleteAccording to dumbshit Internet logic, that would actually be a face turn because we want him to do it.
ReplyDelete\M/
ReplyDeleteYOU MISSED BROCK BORKING 3 CANCER KIDS
ReplyDeleteIT WAS AWEEEEEEEEEESOME
ReplyDeleteRandy Orton 9 time champion just has an awful sound to it...
ReplyDelete"I could see them going with ex-UFC'ers once HHH is firmly in charge"
ReplyDeleteThis is the same guy who more or less said the UFC would fail in 5 years.
Slight threadjack: A non-wrestling fan friend just read this promo from Ambrose via Tumblr and was curious about him, so I passed her the link to this bit about Regal. Her response: "I like that he is incapable of not looking low-key and affable, even while trying to be scary." Just made me laugh.
ReplyDeleteBrock F5'd the kids off the stage while Cena finger popped the mothers' cooters.
ReplyDeleteHow does "Randy Orton, 9 time champion, multiple Wellness loser, and former AWOL marine sound?"
ReplyDelete..much better...
ReplyDeleteI love old guys talking about how old they are almost every week. I feel so hip when watching Raw.
ReplyDeleteWAS SHE AGIRLNAMEDDIRT?
ReplyDeleteThe argument is that Game of Thrones is an episodic television show where as WWE is live entertainment.
ReplyDeleteAnd when someone complains about how sterile everything is and how there's no purpose to any of the matches, the argument will be that WWE isn't a sport and Raw is the longest running episodic television show.
WWE logic.
I think I hate JBL.
ReplyDeleteHis usage of insider terms, his inconsistency between cheering faces and condemning heels, his shilling commentary ("You won't see this anywhere but WWE!" Dude, we're already watching, JUST CALL THE MATCH), the obnoxious use of the word "Sports entertainer" far more often than any other announcer on the team...I know I'm in the minority, but I just can't stand his announcing.
BC SHE'S AS GOOD AS THAT
ReplyDeleteEVEN KEVIN NASH'S QUAD THINKS THAT LINE WAS A STRETCH.
ReplyDeleteKURT ANGLE'S QUAD ISN'T IMPRESSED.
ReplyDeleteThe Eliminator sounded more intimidating than Jack Swagger, and had more mic-time this year than Ryder.
ReplyDeleteDoes anyone else feel like they are in some Star Trek TNG time warp episode with this Disqus thing? New and strange look, notifications appearing, disappearing, reappearing... trying to think I'm not going crazy, but I don't think it's working.
ReplyDeleteHe offsets the shittiness that is Cole and Lawler.
ReplyDeleteCody Rhodes jobbed to Tensai last week. And now he is putting up a hell of an effort against Orton. I'm so confused.
ReplyDeleteAll I need now are three different Chads trying to convince me this is all a dream.
ReplyDeleteI partially agree, but at least unlike Lawler, he's putting in an effort. Where as Lawler, just cracks dumb jokes, as JBL occasionally says something that can draw legit laughs.
ReplyDeleteI just mentioned that today, its been rumored for years.
ReplyDeleteMOVESET~! from Randy!
ReplyDeleteI think they should fire King and JBL and hire Raven. Then get Vince out of Cole's ear. Or just give Scott Stanford Cole's job. But I think having Vince just let his announcers do their jobs would be a great start.
ReplyDeletePirates are sucking so I may be forced to watch Raw tonight. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
ReplyDeleteStill can't beat them Brewers, no matter how good the team is.
ReplyDeleteIs it me or was this match better than it had any right to be?
ReplyDeleteMight be time to for them ask Braun where he gets his shit.
ReplyDeleteCody made it that way.
ReplyDeleteGood match, HOT finish, crowd was into it.
ReplyDeleteHis reverse springboard missile headbutt... nay, his patented reverse springboard missile headbutt that he uses every match (right?!) didn't work.
ReplyDeleteAs long as it fixes the "older comments randomly popping up at the top" issue, I'm cool with it.
ReplyDeleteGreat sell job after that match, Randy.
ReplyDeleteTHAT MATCH WAS BETTER THAN WRESTLEMANIA
ReplyDeleteWhat is this in response to?
ReplyDeleteI'm not surprised. They were allowed to go all out.
ReplyDeleteThat was a HELL of a finishing sequence!
ReplyDeleteDon't worry, Orton will squash Tensai on Smackdown to even everything out.
ReplyDeleteIn case you didn't get the point when we put him over Orton...
ReplyDeleteI didnt fall asleep like I do during most Orton matches of late...
ReplyDeleteGIRLFIGHT!
ReplyDeleteThe show is always better with the Bella's....
ReplyDeleteThis sounds like a Troi episode to me.
ReplyDeleteWithin kayfabe, who is this conversation for? I mean, I get that people talk to each other backstage, but they don't talk in such an expository fashion. It's little things like this that do absolutely nothing to disabuse viewers of the notion that they're watching low-rent, shoddily-written entertainment. It just feels like the people writing and filming the show don't care, because they don't take the time to make it feel like it takes place in a real world.
ReplyDeletelol. Awesome.
ReplyDeleteGet out of here with your logic. Away with you!
ReplyDeleteThe writers forgot everything that happened last week and needed it explained back to them.
ReplyDeleteSo.....can the three sick kids overcome The Shield tonight? Or are they setting Cena up for a heel turn 3 on 1 beatdown?
ReplyDeleteNote: Will Ferrell will never appear on WWE Totally Divas.
ReplyDeleteWWE Network coming along nicely....
ReplyDeleteE! has to be in the top 3 of the most vapid, useless networks on TV. Right up there with Bravo and VH1.
ReplyDeleteDear God, why did they show one of the Bellas out of make-up?
ReplyDeleteThey are so sexy, powerful, intelligent... or whatever Stephanie wants us to say.
ReplyDeleteI believe the WWE Network will be spread out over 7 existing networks.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to go out on a limb and say that this feud is going to go on forever.
ReplyDeleteI'd laugh if they reversed the entrance routine when the Funkadactyls wrestle, with Brodus and Tensai doing the opening dance schtick.
ReplyDeleteI'd then recoil in slight mortification.
...soooo another "Bella going over a Funkadactyl" match?
ReplyDeleteThat Divas show is gonna make Snooki and JWoww look like Game of Thrones.
ReplyDeleteRicardo rocking Zubaz is the best part of this hour of Raw.
ReplyDeleteNo, TLC beats all three. E!, Bravo, and VH1 are just trash entertainment for women and gay men, while TLC turned an educational network into Idiocracy.
ReplyDeleteIs there anyone in WWE who can give Naomi a run for her money as the best body in the biz?
ReplyDeleteGirlfriend is stacked like Jenga.
HOW DO THESE BITCHES GET AWAY WITH THIS ALL THE DAMN TIME?!
ReplyDeleteShe's seriously put together... and kind of a bruiser in the ring too.
ReplyDeleteWhere's Teddy Long when you need him?
ReplyDeleteBOUT TIME
ReplyDeleteSo a referee actually uses the images on that big-ass screen to right a wrong?
ReplyDeleteexactly what I was thinking...
ReplyDeleteSomewhere, Bill Watts is shouting "RACISM!"
ReplyDelete"The Bellas are back and nasty as ever"
ReplyDeleteI love shoot comments that....
I'm sure they could have booked Naomi and Cameron to do the switcheroo in retaliation, but if it ended up working, it would probably be the most racist thing they've done in...I don't know, maybe a month?
ReplyDeleteLoving the outfits on both those teams, and I'll say no more because I'm in a committed relationship.
ReplyDeleteThey should do an angle where Ambrose pretends to be a kid with cancer, then the Shield jumps Cena when he shows up to grant a wish...
ReplyDeleteThey've always had instant replay, King. They just rarely use it to overturn a match.
ReplyDeleteIm surprised they havent CGI'ed in WW next to the E in those E network promo's...
ReplyDeleteSomeone needs to write a movie about Mick Foley done in the style of American Splendor.
ReplyDeleteHaha, retroactively applying the made-up belt a young Mick Foley wore to say "W.W.E."
ReplyDeleteStop downvoting me, Daniel Bryan.
ReplyDeleteJust what Foley's ego needs....more stroking...
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure Paul Giamatti would even be willing to play Mick. He'll act in almost anything for a paycheck.
ReplyDeleteThanks for making me wish for an angle that will never happen.
ReplyDeleteRey's return has been delayed until September due to the pulling of his larynx in the shooting of his return video.
ReplyDeleteEven the people at DC don't retcon history THAT much.
ReplyDeleteOkay, will somebody please explain to me why it's generally accepted as fact that Seth Rollins is lousy on the mic? Because I've still yet to see it.
ReplyDeleteI finally figured out Dean Ambrose: he's the bastard love child of Tom Waits and John Tesh. He may talk like Waits, but his presence is like that sweet, sexy music of Tesh.
ReplyDeleteOkay, these all look like bad gang bang dvd covers
ReplyDeleteSeth Rollins didn't attempt to paralyze himself with his signature dive over the barricade.
ReplyDeleteTom Waits for no man.
ReplyDeleteAt our current pace, we won't even top last week's comments.
ReplyDeleteI'm looking forward to the inevitable Jason Collins reference in June 2015
ReplyDeleteReally in touch with what's cool these days, JBL makes a Jack Hanna reference. Also, later tonight... Carnac.
ReplyDeleteI wonder what gives. This is the saddest shit.
ReplyDeleteIt's an acquired taste. At one point he had a slight lisp that was just enough to derail the apocalyptic-level talking he did early on in his career. He often talks about ripping holes through the clouds and such. Like an Ultimate Warrior-lite.
ReplyDeleteIt's lucky these outlaws are in the good graces of the production team for this perfectly timed segment.
ReplyDeleteIs he talking about Sid Justice?
ReplyDelete*CUE* I. AM. AMERICAN BADASS!
ReplyDeleteThat's exactly who I wanted to see interrupt, yup.
ReplyDelete3MB THEY'RE LIKE THE ANTI-SHIELD
ReplyDeleteIt's the 16 year anniversary of Gang Warz
ReplyDelete3MB is so damn over it aint funny....
ReplyDeleteThose three make a wish kids have a better chance against The Sheild than those goofs do.
ReplyDeleteTHEY'RE MOTIVATION IS THE SHIELD STOPPING THEM FROM SHOWING HHH HOW TO ROCK N ROLL
ReplyDeleteWell I guess in the interest of fairness, since the faces have destroyed 3MB all the heels should get a shot.
ReplyDeleteAMAZING
ReplyDelete5 ON 3 NOT A FAIR FIGHT
ReplyDelete"Does everybody hate 3MB?" Not this guy, JBL.
ReplyDeleteVince: "Get that vanilla midget out of there, the crowd clearly isn't connecting with him!"
ReplyDeleteSlater: "I softened the Shield up by running my head repeatedly into their feet..."
ReplyDeleteDaniel Bryan is starting to look like Jake "The Milkman" Milliman.
ReplyDelete"I can't take that chance." Um, what?!
ReplyDelete+1
ReplyDeleteand EVERYBODY seems to love "Team Hell No".
ReplyDeleteSee, now he's trying to be Sid instead of Goldberg.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could give you more upvotes just for the pic of Theo Huxtable in the fake Gordon Gartrelle shirt in your avatar alone.
ReplyDeleteSo you ordered a pizza to have delivered to RAW?
ReplyDeleteThese guys are so bored by the matches, they are tracking a fucking pizza...
ReplyDeleteNice to see Jerry adding Domino's to his diet alongside Sonic. Maybe next week he can do a live remote from Golden Corral.
ReplyDeleteJust wait. Looks bleak now, but Wandy can handle some Brewers.
ReplyDeleteIf I remember correctly... King is still waiting on his pizza from last year.
ReplyDeleteChampion vs. Champion? WTF? How are they both supposed to lose this week?
ReplyDeleteNot enough Punk.
ReplyDelete...just wait until they get that endorsement from "The Heart Attack Grill."
ReplyDeleteHaven't seen a Dolph-Kofi match in a few weeks, time for #841 in their series.
ReplyDeleteAJ should never not wear shorts
ReplyDeleteI hoped for a cheerleader skirt every once in a blue to break up the monotony.
ReplyDeleteDENIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISE!!
ReplyDeleteJAMAICAN ME CRAZY KOFI
ReplyDeleteThere is only one logical finish for this match: double count out.
ReplyDeleteHey, have we seen this match before? I can't remember.
ReplyDelete