Greetings.
The creator of Glee & Nip/Tuck, Mr. Ryan Murphy, sent in the following question;
He used a different word, but I thought I'd class it up a bit. I'd also like to expand the question.
How was everyone's first time? I mean, as a kid, as a youngster, you're told to wait for marriage, wait for the special girl, all that business, yet I don't think anyone does. For most it's usually in a party, or it involves booze and/or drugs.
For your old boy, I actually did wait for the right girl. I've always been terrified of STDs/unwanted pregnancy and such, so I waited until I found the right girl. I was 22 at the time, and the first time is like all jokes go, it only lasted a cool 15 seconds or so. I immediately called my best friend to tell him, as I was the last of my group of friends. He was proud. The next night I did much better, happy to say.
Anyone have any interesting stories about sex getting them into trouble? Or stupid things you did that killed any chance of having sex? There's someone here with a funny story about wanting to watch Nitro instead of getting down to the business of getting down, but I'll let him reveal himself and tell the story, if he wants. Ay, Tops?
As for best song, I was never really one for "setting a mood". Sometimes music would be on, but it was never a per-requiset. Angels & Airwaves made for some tuneage, as did the brothers Blink. 2Pac was always great.
How say you?
The creator of Glee & Nip/Tuck, Mr. Ryan Murphy, sent in the following question;
Best song to [have relations] to
He used a different word, but I thought I'd class it up a bit. I'd also like to expand the question.
How was everyone's first time? I mean, as a kid, as a youngster, you're told to wait for marriage, wait for the special girl, all that business, yet I don't think anyone does. For most it's usually in a party, or it involves booze and/or drugs.
For your old boy, I actually did wait for the right girl. I've always been terrified of STDs/unwanted pregnancy and such, so I waited until I found the right girl. I was 22 at the time, and the first time is like all jokes go, it only lasted a cool 15 seconds or so. I immediately called my best friend to tell him, as I was the last of my group of friends. He was proud. The next night I did much better, happy to say.
Anyone have any interesting stories about sex getting them into trouble? Or stupid things you did that killed any chance of having sex? There's someone here with a funny story about wanting to watch Nitro instead of getting down to the business of getting down, but I'll let him reveal himself and tell the story, if he wants. Ay, Tops?
As for best song, I was never really one for "setting a mood". Sometimes music would be on, but it was never a per-requiset. Angels & Airwaves made for some tuneage, as did the brothers Blink. 2Pac was always great.
How say you?
WE WENT ALL NIGHT LONG. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
ReplyDeleteStill a virgin. Didn't think it was that uncommon here.
ReplyDeleteOochie Wally...Oochie bang bang...
ReplyDeleteI'm sure it's not. But honestly, it's not a bad thing. Something that's always bugged the absolute shit out of me is when someone is called a virgin like it's a bad thing. I knew a girl who had a kid when she was 15. I bet she'd give anything to still be a virgin. Knew a guy with herpes, as well as a girl with HIV, I bet they'd much prefer to be made fun of for being a virgin, as opposed to having open sore flare-ups and/or having to take the cocktail.
ReplyDelete"Adore" by Prince. If that song doesn't get you any, then something is really wrong with you.
ReplyDeleteWhat about Batdance? GET THE FUNK UP!
ReplyDeleteNine Inch Nails "Closer"
ReplyDeleteAlso Nine Inch Nails - Sunspots. Nice slow grove that gradually gets faster, great bangin song.
ReplyDelete"Real American."
ReplyDeleteI... still can't believe she agreed to it.
(PS I'm Canadian)
Raffi; row row row your boat...ssssure, it was our favorite song
ReplyDelete/cosign
ReplyDeletewish i could contribute to this thread, but i cant
I prefer "Bananaphone."
ReplyDeleteI used to hook up with this girl - always drunk if I ran into her at a bar. This one time she was drinking, I was home sober, yadda yadda yadda she pressured me to say dirty things to get because it turns her on - yet I'm sober and uncomfortable. Eventually I came out with a "I want to fuck your ass", which lead to her asking me who the fuck I thought I was, calling a cab and going home.
ReplyDelete'someone is called a virgin like it's a bad thing.'
ReplyDeletei think its a bad thing FOR ME in my own world. its pretty much an albatross around my neck when i realize that out of all my friends from high school and college, ive still been denied one of the most basic expressions of love and acceptance
/cue peeps making fun of me for viewing it that way :(
I'm not a fan of having sex with any music playing, actually.
ReplyDeleteThis thread is going to be interesting. I can tell already.
ReplyDeleteOne of my college girlfriends always threw on a Sarah McLaughlin album when we went to bed. Another liked having some Nine Inch Nails or Portishead on. I'm pretty happy my current gf doesn't need any music. It's just a distraction.
I don't like that I can tell how long (or short) it lasted by how many songs I got through.
ReplyDeleteHow old are you?
ReplyDeleteDude, did you really bang a chick to Real American? That is so fucking cool.
ReplyDeletei should prob just shut up now
ReplyDeleteHahah, that legit made me laugh, man.
ReplyDeleteI had a friend with a similar experience. He was getting with this girl he'd been dating, and it was their first time. This girl was a classier kind of girl who'd only had sex with one other man at this point. She was like, 22 or so. Anyway, they're both drunk and making out, and he says
"Why don't you hop on my big, fat, daddy dick"
No joke. He fucking said it. He told me she seemed really caught off guard, but went for it anyway. However, because he was so drunk, he couldn't even get it up all the way. So, there was no big, fat, daddy dick to speak of. He said the next morning on the drive home, they didn't say one word. The drive home was like, 30 minutes.
That doesn't make you a loser.
ReplyDeleteDude, it's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. I went from age 16 to age 21 without so much as kissing a girl. Like I said, I didn't have sex until I was 22, when EVERYONE I knew had already had sex with multiple people.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, there's nothing wrong with waiting, man. Nothing at all. Especially when you find the right girl. Imagine if she's still a virgin too. That'd be awesome. I was very happy that I waited for the right girl. Plus, having sex with a girl you love is the absolute best. It sounds corny, but that's when sex is the best. So being a virgin at an older age is nothing to be ashamed of.
Do you even try and get with chicks? Or go on dates?
Today Howard Stern said that Kashmir was hands down the best song for doing it to, so great timing.
ReplyDelete'Do you even try and get with chicks? Or go on dates?'
ReplyDeleteno cause it doesnt even matter anymore. nothing works out. and the older i get the less chance there is of someone being accepting of my failures in those areas
look up 'learned helplessness' thats pretty much me
no but being me does
ReplyDeleteThe last girl I dated, the first time we met we danced to that at the bar, I couldn't believe they were playing it so I went for it. Worked out well for me for a minute.
ReplyDeleteIf it's an instrumental version, I could get down to that.
ReplyDeleteGet a hooker or something bro, this is bumming me out
ReplyDeletewrong answer.
ReplyDeletenothing says 'i'm worth something' than having to pay for something that others get for free cause someone wants to share with with them!
Jesus Christ man, this is no way for our top asshole to behave. Can't you fuck a fatty, get a hooker, find a cougar? Where do you live?
ReplyDelete'Where do you live?'
ReplyDeletestate of depression
Life is not a weird Disney story. Drop a few hundo's and get your dick wet. This way you'll be more confident because it won't be such a mystery/ you won't jizz in 20 seconds when you meet a chick
ReplyDeleteHave you ever considered becoming a professional rapist? They get laid constantly!
ReplyDeleteJust going on the assumption of anonymity here, and knowing that none of you are co-workers or family members, but I was 26. I met this chick online, established a month's worth of trust, then I made the 1,000 mile+ journey to hump her brains out. I stayed at her palce for a week, and that's all we did. The radio was always playing, and it was some local alt-rock station, so needles to say 90's alt-rock works for me. Since then, the worst thing I've ever done to ruin the mood was talk on the phone with a drunk uncle for two hours. "I'm sorry, he was drunk and on the verge of suicide, i can't have that on my conscience!".
ReplyDeleteI once told the story of getting great head from a girl while listening to Milli Vanilli. The same girl was once doing the same thing while we were watching an SNL Halloween special thing, and during a Wayne's World bit Garth was freaking out about mung beans for some reason, and I busted out laughing when he said "Mung has killed people!" That she continued to hook up with me when I was paying more attention to Dana Carvey just kinda makes me sad for her.
ReplyDeleteAs for my original question, Fiona Apple for classy sex. White/Rob Zombie for dirty fuckin.
My first time was with a young punk girl who even at 15 was a full on lesbian (and definitely not a phase. She does roller derby now & everything) but she wanted to try it with a guy. We were watching Dazed & Confused and did it on her Spider-Man sheets. It was pretty nice. Although my first sexual experience at all was before that, and a disaster. I nearly gagged eating pussy for the first time (it was the pit of summer and we'd been walking around outside all day) and she gave me that typical girlie first-time handjob where she yanked like she was trying to start a lawnmower.
That's why teenagers shouldn't tweak so much about having sex: its fucking horrible until you know what you're doing. Don't sleep on those handjob/finger sessions, time will come where you will miss those days.
Is it safe to say you have no self confidence?
ReplyDeletePlus, they're always on top of things!
ReplyDelete"Doin It" by LL Cool J is a good choice
ReplyDeleteHoly shit, man. You met a girl online, made an extremely long trip, and it worked out?! That has to be the world's first.
ReplyDeleteEspecially when they get convicted. No lonely nights on the cell block.
ReplyDeleteI represent Queens, she was raised out in Brook', baby!
ReplyDeleteI had relations with a chick to "Backseat of my Jeep" by LL.
ReplyDeleteIt only makes you one if you feel that way (which obviously you do.) But you're not.
ReplyDeleteHahah, oh my God, that must have been so gnarly, with her walking around all day. Same thing happened to me on my first time, only it wasn't because she'd walked around all day, it's because she was apparently allergic to grooming or something. It was like eating Don King's head. *shudders*
ReplyDeleteAnd amen about the HJ's, man. I'd rather be ran over with a car than get one.
thumping techno, no vocals
ReplyDelete2 virgins having sex just makes for an awkward time. But do wait for the right one. One night stands can definitely be fun, but only if you both know what you want out of it.
ReplyDeleteYeah. There was a time when hooking up with someone online was considered both insane and desperate. I was both at the time. Nowadays, with match.com and eHarmony, it's probably the safest way to hook up. Especially, if you're too old for the bar scene but too young for the shuffle board circuit.
ReplyDeleteDamn 22? Id at least getva hookerbefore than lol. But hey diff strokes for diff folks. My thing is i went to wvu (which we called best vagina u) so pussy was everywhere and i yook advantage. Even had this bitch do a lune off my cock n suck off the numby.
ReplyDeleteGotta go with the classic "Bump n Grind" for intercoursin'
ReplyDeleteMy first time was awesome; I was 14 and my sister's best friend -- way hotter than I deserve -- just pulled me into an unoccupied room and had at me. To this day, my sis still doesn't know her BFF rode me like a government mule (or something like that).
There is never any good reason to get a hooker.
ReplyDeleteIt's called coitus.
ReplyDeleteJunior/Senior - Move your feet. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPlQpGeTbIE
ReplyDelete22? Damn... On one hand, good for you, on the other... Damn, 22?
ReplyDeleteAnyway, Paranoid Android is my answer here, just because that video happened to be on the TV during my first time. Probably not the best choice, but it has sentimental value to me. And as for how that went, I thought I Rocked the Casbah pretty well for a first timer, that wasn't the problem. The problem was that I soon as I soon as I got off she told me "Oh, I haven't taken the pill in 3 days". You couldn't have said something 30 seconds earlier, or even told me to use a condom to begin with? I was a total wreck for the next 3 weeks, calling her every 2 hours and saying "Did you get your period yet?" It also really pissed me off when I found out a couple days later that she had just turned 13, not 15 as I was previously led to believe (I was 16 at the time, BTW). It probably wouldn't have made much of a difference, but I just don't like being lied to.
Yeah, if he's serious than that's the most awesome thing I've ever heard.
ReplyDeleteSince I've already shared my incredibly embarrassing Rock story so I'll share a couple more. One is really sweet and one is really disturbing. We'll start with the sweet one.
ReplyDeleteMe and a "friend" ( he was more like the asshole who hung out in my group of friends) went to a bar/club we all normally went to. I say him talking to some girl at the bar who was pretty cute but her friend really caught my eye. I went over there, said hi to my "friend" and proceeded to introduce myself to the girls. As I went to introduce myself to the one he wasn't hitting on my friend tapped me on the shoulder and said "don't bother, she's deaf". I gave him a "fuck you" look as did th girl he was interested in. I turned to the girl, got her attention and started my really terrible I would find out, signing (another friend of mine had a stroke and for a while could only sign so I learned). She apparently thought this was sweet, let me buy me a drink and after my crappy signing attempts told me she could read lips. We had a great convo although you don't realize how often you turn your head or look at something while talking. A few times she had to grab my chin and lead me back to facing her.
Anyway we go back to my place for more drinks and I do what I do every time I'm entertaining a young lady, put on music. Yeah I'm that much of a dumbass. Then as I'm getting a couple of drinks I'm singing along to said music! As I sat down I realized what I was doing. I apologized profusely and went to turn off the music but she grabbed me, shook her head no, gave me the cutest look, put her hands on my throat and motioned for me to keep singing. Safe to say, that night went really well.
Creepy story is coming up.
Don't call yourself a loser, first off, and DON'T get a hooker.
ReplyDeleteAlso, totally unrelated, but I can't fucking believe that they went with Bryan winning and Orton cashing in when HHH turned on Bryan, just because when something is that obvious WWE always swerves us. I still don't even know what to make of it.
ReplyDeleteOrton cashing in was pretty predictable, I don't think HHH's involvement was obvious.
ReplyDeleteEven Orton cashing in, when everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) is saying that something is going to happen, WWE usually does something else just because everyone is saying it's going to happen.
ReplyDeleteTrue, but not when it involves HHH...you know how it is.
ReplyDeleteNow for disturbing/creepy story! I've heard from others that it might not have been that big a deal but for me it crossed a line I didn't want to.
ReplyDeleteSo I'm going out with this girl a couple of weeks and I already knew she was a little "off", like a little crazy. But I put those misgivings aside as in my experience, crazy girls are fantastic in bed. This girl did not dissapoint, she was great in that department. But there were little drops of crazy here and there that I ignored because at that young age my penis controlled my actions.
Well one night after I cooked dinner for her, we were cleaning up, started kissing and ended up on the kitchen floor. We were about to start screwing when all of a sudden she said "I want you to rape me!". I looked at her dumbfounded. "rape me"! Now I knew she just wanted to role play rape but it still made me incredibly uncomfortable. I'm not opposed to rough sex, I've walked away with bruises and my back scratched up to all hell. But rape I don't find even the least bit hot, even in pretend form. I tried to talk her out of it, she kept insisting and getting angry about it. I tried getting more forceful/take charge with her. But for that I got her saying "you're not doing it right"! And she slapped me, hard. Then she slapped me again even harder. At that point I was done, I had already softened up and I just didn't feel comfortable. So I put on my clothes, told her I couldn't do this and left. I broke up with her the next day, that was fun as she yelled and screamed and called me a pussy. Oh and later on I figured out she gave me crabs. That's what I get for thinking with my dick.
Yeah, I had a girl do a crushed up line of valium off my hangdang once. I freely admit, I felt pretty cool.
ReplyDeleteHaha, yeah, see, that's why I waited so long.
ReplyDeleteI wanted the right girl. Plus, for my late teens/early 20's, I had zero confidence. I mean, zero. I was a sucker for the friendzone, and shit never worked out. It wasn't until I completely changed my game that I finally had opportunities. I'm a quality over quantity man.
It's cool, I understand the hooker thing, me personally, I could never get into that as I need some sort of connection (but I wouldn't look down on somebody who does partake). You should try and get out there though, I don't care how old you are. And not just for the sex but to meet some women and get to know some different people outside your own circle. I can relate to the depression thing. You really need to go see a psychiatrist and/or if it's needed get some medication. But you should make the effort to get yourself out there and meet some people. If you feel more comfortable try striking a bond up online and go from there. Life's too short man, nobody knows that better than me. And if you were fine with being an introvert (not a bad thing) but it doesn't sound like you are. Just take some small steps to get yourself out into the world, it's not that bad of a place. And get that depression treated one way or another, that's no way to live man.
ReplyDeleteYeah but you don't know how old he is. It could weird the fuck out of a girl that hes a virgin. So he fucks a hooker 1) now he's experienced 2)by getting laid for real it may motivate him to get a girl friend much more so 3)he'll have some idea of what to do/won't seem new to him when its for real 4) this dude may need some pussy pronto so no different than getting next day air delivery for your Amazon shit really
ReplyDeleteVocal camp, (yes vocal camp. I was a theater guy) on the floor of the practice room. I was 17 she was 15. This was about 3 years before American Pie came out so when Michelle says "and this one time at band camp..." I just nodded knowingly.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, 9 out of 10 girls have a rape fantasy. Couldn't tell you why, but they pretty much all do. My serious girlfriend was into it. Although thankfully it never got into the physical harm aspect, or me wearing a mask or some ridiculous shit, but she really got off on me being very dominant.
ReplyDeleteMade up stat! or wishful thinking....
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, I just can't condone getting a hooker under any circumstances. Find yourself a fat ugly chick (as Mark Grace said, you gotta get the fattest, gnarliest chick you find and just lay the wood to her. Slump buster, baby!) or something. To me, getting a hooker is officially saying you've just given up and accepted that you're going to be one of those sleazebags that bangs hookers.
ReplyDeleteThat's freaky. For me, it was also a Radiohead song (from the Amnesiac album) and the same "by the way, I haven't taken the pill in a while" response afterward. All of the women I meet really hate condoms but don't want to take the pill everyday.
ReplyDeleteThat's why it got me. It was so obvious, actually going straightforward and doing it was a swerve. That, and the actual, physical execution of it was perfect. They let Bryan's celebration, and subsequently Orton's hesitation, linger just long enough to make you think that we were getting the happy, celebrating babyface ending after all.
ReplyDeleteAmazing execution.
I can understand why they don't want to take the pill, it causes all sorts of other health problems. Just think about the commercials, where they talk about how "Side effects include blood clots, heart attacks, and strokes". And as someone who's dealing with a blood clot right now (Doctor: How did you get a blood clot in your lung? Me: You're the fucking doctor, you tell me...), I can tell you that shit is not fun at all.
ReplyDeleteAnd fuck condoms, George Constanza is dead on with that subject.
He has posted how old he is before... he doesn't seem to want ot talk about it here so I won't use my ridiculous memory against him here and will respect his privacy.
ReplyDeleteMark Grace the baseball player? He said that?
ReplyDeleteFor many girls, though, it helps keep them regular when they otherwise would have irregular periods. So, darn it, they should be taking those pills if there's a health benefit and if they say "I take them" in a conversation about sex that is leading to sex. I have no idea why, but I have only "been" with women who have irregular periods (either bleeding like Niagara Falls or having one every 6-10 weeks instead of 4).
ReplyDeleteMy story? I picked up my ex from Newark Airport. We walked to the parking garage and we started messing around, so we hopped in the back seat and she went down on me. I had my eyes closed and suddenly someone bumped against my truck. When I opened my eyes and saw a bus load of senior citizens around my truck. I had the windows up and they couldn't hear us, but damned if that wasn't the funniest thing I'd seen (at the time)
ReplyDeleteHoly cow. +1 (or 100 if I could) for the Mark Grace mention and paraphrased quote.
ReplyDelete' It would most definitely and without question weird the fuck out of a girl'
ReplyDeleteftfy
:(
It is true (in my experience) that many women find the idea of being taken forcefully, while verbally and even physically protesting, to be pretty hot. But only with a guy that they actually want to bang, and at a time when they actually want to bang (if you're following along at home this is the important part.)
ReplyDeleteConsensual rape, as it were.
I don't know who Mark Grace is, but I like the way he thinks.
ReplyDeleteIt's really not that big of a deal.
ReplyDeleteActually, a better way of putting it would be that it's only as big of a deal as you let it be.
I once did it to a looped recording of ducks quacking. Don't ever do that, that's weird.
ReplyDeleteI don't really have a favourite song, and most often do it with the wife without any music, actually. In my youth I had a few favourites over the years. I had phases. Everything from Sinatra to Slayer.
I may have just flagged this as inappropriate.
ReplyDeleteIf I did, it was an accident.
Don't love Kashmir.
ReplyDeleteCougars. Love 'em.
ReplyDeleteFatty's too, in a pinch.
Also, Caliber, you could pretty much just skip your answer to any music related QOTD since it's always 2Pac and Blink.
ReplyDeleteI'm a long time reader, new to posting. I'll establish my rep first before posting inappropriate stuff. Can't go in with the good stuff right away.
ReplyDeleteHooker bro, hooker. And then guess what, you're no longer a virgin, and that's no longer a problem.
ReplyDeleteEwwww I'd rather picture him dropping a couple bennjys on a hot hooker his first time in than getting with some big fat pig. Hes not just busting a nut, he needs a solid familiarity with everything going on so he can act experienced with his real lady.He's putting too much value on the "specialness" of his first time and under valuing the practical worth of sexual experience when trying to get a girl.
ReplyDeleteI believe he called them "slump busters"
ReplyDeleteMy first time was quick, with an ugly chick, and she lied and told me she was pregnant afterwards.
ReplyDeleteYou would think that may have soured me on sex, at least temporarily. Nope, I went the other way with it. I became a full blown addict.
There was a point in time where as soon as I'd meet a girl, my mind was going through all of the different ways I could fuck her. The problem was that this didn't just apply to single chicks. It applied to married chicks, ex girlfriends of good friends, randoms, strippers, and just all around bad ideas.
I'm lucky I didn't end up with AIDS or multiple children.
Luckily for me, I got through all that after about 8 years, and married the most awesome woman ever.
None of this is bragging. I promise. Its just something I never said out loud and thought it may feel better.
See I just can't get into that at all. Like I said before, I'm fine with some rough sex. But once I hear the word "no" I soften up like a deflated balloon. I just don't find rape, even pretend consensual rape the least bit sexy. It's a good thing I guess I only had one girl into this particular fantasy.
ReplyDeleteI have both Caliber and Mister saying this is a regular thing yet I haven't really encountered it save for this one time.
ReplyDeleteI had a very similar thing happen to a friend, except she wanted choked. But not mock choking.
ReplyDeleteShe was a stripper, my buddy had been fucking her off and on. That night, she wanted him to choke her. He did, but she didn't think it was enough. She yelled at him:
"I want you to choke me until I turn purple and my eyes bulge out of my head, quit being a fucking pussy."
He freaked out, left, and ended a brief run of attraction to strippers.
Yeah, I think there's a difference between wanting a little force and coercion, and a full blown rape fantasy.
ReplyDeleteI disagree, sir. Only because I'm one of those who believes prostitution should be legalized, the sooner the better. Not for my own purposes, so hold the jokes--I have no problems there. Rather, because like the marijuana laws, it makes unnecessary criminals out of (mostly) good people, and makes a crime out of something millions of consenting adults do every day. It would be much safer for everyone involved if it was regulated and taxed, and it would be one less thing that was frowned upon in society. I'm not saying these guys should hit the nearest street corner and pick up the first hooker that propositions them (which would also be eliminated if it was legalized, not for nothing), but they provide a service, so if you have the means, take advantage of it. Just be a little smart about it, too.
ReplyDeleteAll I know is from my own experience. But I've had more than one male friend say that they've encountered the same.
ReplyDeleteI always did run with freakier chicks.
And I've never been involved in a full blown roleplay or worn a mask as Caliber says above, or anything like that.
I have no problem with a little force, taking charge, basically fucking our brains out. Hell, remember the scene in Chasing Amy that's parodying the Jaws scene where they are comparing scars? I have a couple of permanant marks from sex. I just never "got" or could get into the rape fantasy shit. It's just so fucking ugly of an act and I can't believe Caliber and Mister are right that so many women have this fantasy.
ReplyDeleteI wasn't calling you a liar or anything, just surprised its a prevalent fantasy. I mean, I'm no prude and I've been around the block a time or two. I'm just surprised this wasn't some super rare instance of a girl being fucking crazy.
ReplyDeleteI actually agree with this, it should be legal and highly regulated. Much like places in Nevada, it seems to work well there. It'll make it safer for both the prostitutes and the johns. Like you said I would outlaw street walking and only have it legal in regulated licensed establishments. Like I said before, it's not my thing, I need more of a connection than the $200 on the nightstand (even if that connection is as flimsy as a few drinks and inane conversation). But for those who want to safely partake, I won't begrudge them. It doesn't sound like Asshole wants to go down that route so let's stop trying to convince him of it.
ReplyDeleteNot really a "live up to his last name" kind of guy is he?
ReplyDeleteMaybe he prefers to hold his amateur status?
ReplyDeletebut theres never gonna be a 'real lady,' so it doesnt even fucking matter anyway
ReplyDeleteI had a similar incident. I was hanging out with a girl I worked with when she suggested we go parking. We started making out and she bit me - not really my thing. I found it painful and distracting trying to do my thing while keeping this girl from drawing blood. We're not off to a great start when she starts with the back scratching. Only this wasn't a natural, carried away in the moment back scratch, it was her intentionally trying to scratch me. Naturally she started slapping me soon after because she liked it rough....and finally, she stopped, laid on her back and told me to pretend I was fucking her dead body. Rough sex that degenerates into her pretending to be a corpse is how she likes it.....oddly enough we remained close friends afterwards. She became something of a model and and was into me for years but I was just turned off her ever since.
ReplyDeleteAnother one - years ago my friend and I went out, had more drinks than we really needed to, and it lead to him casually walking up to an older woman and saying "Hey baby, how about a blow job?". The way he said it was hilarious and would pop in my head from time to time.
ReplyDeleteOne night I'm with this girl, laying on the couch watching a movie when we start making out - "hey baby, how about a blow job" pops in my head and I start laughing. The more I tried to focus the more I started laughing. Eventually I laughed so hard I farted loudly.
Mood killed.
Dude, we should chat. I've been in that exact place, and of a certain age as well. I can relate, and may be able to shine a bit of light on what you're dealing with...
ReplyDeleteDisagree. You have the perspective of someone who got laid in high school. And that's fine, but it's just...different as time wears on.
ReplyDeleteSongs, plural?
ReplyDeleteI'm doing it wrong.
Well maybe you know better but itseems like if he got laid, by hook or by crook, he'd have more confidence just based off the fact-hes at leastfucked a few times
ReplyDeleteDown voter, I'm trying to help the guy because he's a great poster
ReplyDeleteIf it makes you feel any better, if I was a chick, I'd do you based on the quality of your posts.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely "Your Wife" by Nate Dogg
ReplyDeleteBRAH YOU DESERVE BETTER~
ReplyDeleteOh, I'm not saying prostitution should be illegal. I mean, how could it be legal to give something away for free, but not to sell it? I just don't like skanky women, I don't even go to strip clubs.
ReplyDeleteIn that respect I kind of see your point.
ReplyDeleteYep, on Jim Rome's show.
ReplyDeleteApparently it's a common thing among baseball players, he was just the first guy to talk about it publicly. Canseco mentions it in his book, too.
ReplyDeleteMine's an all-time classic. I went to a Halloween party with a girl, she was Mighty Molly and I was The Hurricane. Boring as shit party, but we went back to her house and she basically said she wanted the D. I honestly wasn't expecting anything to happen. I had known of the girl since first grade and known her personally since sixth grade or so, and we weren't really going together or anything but we were huge wrestling fans. The costumes were her idea and she totally had a girl boner for Shane Helms, so I guess that's what got me in the door.
ReplyDeleteWe did it and I lasted all of six seconds, but on that night I discovered my talent for being able to go for hours once that pesky first load was out of the way. Sadly her Hurricane Helms fantasy was cut short by her mother who demanded she open her bedroom door and explain what she was doing.
She was chewed out in the hallway by her mother, and eventually her father, and the I swear to God the words "he's seventeen and you're eighteen, do you realize that is statutory rape?" came out of her mouth. Needless to say the mood was deader than Dennis Stamp's career.
My talent has served me well over the years, though. If I get the chance I'll knock one out in the bathroom before even starting.
As for music, if I've ever done it with a soundtrack, it was chosen by her... whoever "her" was at the time, except for once. "Ozium" by Monster Magnet, "Orestes" by A Perfect Circle and "It's No Good"/"Halo" by Depeche Mode.
I have to screw to "Tricky" by Excess at least once in my lifetime.
Man that sport really has a seedy/scummy side
ReplyDeleteWomen... more complex than physics and less logical than... something that is not at all logical
ReplyDeleteDoesn't every sport?
ReplyDeleteYou telling a girl "I want to fuck your ass" is the funniest thing I've read on here. You might have spoiled the opportunity, but it was worth it.
ReplyDeleteIgnore the second piece of advice.
ReplyDeleteDude.
ReplyDeleteSMH.
I was 25.
ReplyDeleteI had...lots of issues. Intimacy issues, mostly, and then after a few years after "it should have happened" (your average high-school age, I suppose), I got so wrapped up in bitterness and pity that it simply compounded the issue. I also still have some body dismorphic struggles as I did back then--basically, my body is a fucking trainwreck and I don't take any clothes off unless I'm showering or sleeping. On top of all that, I just wanted something real, I guess. So I met the woman who ultimately became my wife, online (but whatever), who was also a virgin, and not long after, it just happened. The sex was okay. Short, of course, but I found I'm a pussy-eating superstar. It's the one thing I think I'm legitimately good at.
What I'm saying, overall? It all balances out. It all works. Don't stress it.