Matt's Main Event Recap - 4/22/2014

Hello again.

It's Main Event time once again.

Keep good thoughts. Maybe we'll get lucky and won't have to sit through another midget match. In fact, if the wrestling gods (and/or goddesses - I'm equal opportunity) are listening, I'd accept a Santino/Fernando match again. Or show us that one Russian Colin Farrell-like dude on HGH who's escorted to the ring by Ivan Drago's wife and have him squash Sin Cara again. ANYTHING but what I saw last week.

We are LIVE(!) from Hershey, PA!

Byron Saxton and Tom Phillips are your guys in the booth.

And, right away, the action starts...

MATCH #1: WWE Intercontinental Champion Big E vs. Alberto Del Rio (Non-Title)
A championship preview for the "prestigious title" once held "by the likes of the Ultimate Warrior and Pat Patterson"? Too much! Crowd is firmly behind Big E as Del Rio gets some early offense. Big E counters with a shoulderblock and then clotheslines Del Rio out of the ring. Del Rio responds by dropping E's neck on the ropes and then hits a beautiful Tornado DDT back in the ring off the ropes. Del Rio slaps on a headlock but E breaks out and starts hitting clotheslines. He tries the Belly to Belly Suplex but Del Rio counters with a Falling Arm Breaker and the Superkick If Your Opponent Was Hornswaggle. He gets two and tries a Cross Body but E catches him, hits a backbreaker and then a Warrior Splash. He goes for the Big Ending but Del Rio counters with an Enzuguri and gets a near fall. Big E takes forever to get to his feet and Del Rio just stands there, pumping his fist up in the air, and then calls for the Cross Arm Breaker, waiting. E, however, backs Del Rio into the corner. Del Rio climbs the ropes for another Tornado DDT but E counters and hits The Big Ending for the win at around 4:19.
WINNER: Big E via Big Ending
GRADE: C-. This was a borderline squash.

Post-match, Bad News Barrett is on his podium and says E has been a truly horrible champion. Then he insults the crowd and says E is just like them. They have crappy lives, he says. Most have no lives whatsoever...so...we just told the audience who E is facing, did we?


TONIGHT: Jimmy Uso will face Ryback.

We have a promo for Legends House. This week: the old guys are stunned into silence when some guy, some place asks if they want to play Polo. Subscribe!

MATCH #2: El Torito (w/ Los Matadores - Fernando & Diego) vs. Hornswaggle (w/ 3MB - Heath Slater, Drew McIntyre, & Jinder Mahal)
GIRLFRIEND: "WHERE'S YOUR WRESTLING GOD NOW???" And this "feud" actually gets an accompanying video package? Torito charges and misses. Hornswaggle splashes and misses. Torito hits a nice roll-up and gets two, then a wrist lock. Swaggle reverses, I guess and Torito and Swaggle exchange Sunset Flips. Torito hits a Sharpshooter and a Facelock and then it just devolves into a bunch of running around until Torito hits a Cross Body, knocking Torito down. Swaggle comes back, dropping Torito's body to the ground which can't be very painful seeing as how they're like 2.5 feet tall. Swaggle kicks Torito in the head and hits a huge clothesline and gets two. Swaggle tosses Torito in the corner but Torito elbows him and hits a Cross Body and a series of dropkicks. Torito hits a Bull Buster in the corner and goes for the Bull-sault but Heath Slater distracts Torito. The Matadores pull Slater off the mat. Torito misses the Bull-sault and Swaggle gets a Frog Splash off the ropes for the win at 4:49. THIS MATCH WAS LONGER THAN THE LAST ONE.
WINNER: Hornswaggle via Splash
GRADE: D-. And the sad thing is that the McMahons will continue to go to Stupidity Well even when they're bringing up nothing but mud.

We get clips from the Evolution/Shield face-off from RAW. They will, of course, be facing each other at Extreme Rules.

NEXT: Sheamus is in action.

Another Adam promo where somebody in the bus is playing Hungry Hungry Hippos with the Giant Bunny Furry thing. The Bunny loses. Adam cheers him up and the party keeps going. I couldn't make that up if I were tripping.

The Best of the WWE Hall of Fame speeches are all this week on The WWE Network.

MATCH #3: Sheamus vs. Titus O'Neil
The two lock up and the two exchange punches until Sheamus ends up outside. Sheamus gets back in and O'Neil hits some mean uppercuts. Sheamus fights back and ends up hitting a standing powerslam. Sheamus tossed into the ropes, ends up knee-lifting O'Neil. Sheamus tries to clothesline him out of the ring but O'Neil tosses him up and out of the ring, over the ropes. Sheamus catches himself and lands on the mat, on his feet. O'Neil turns Sheamus around and goes for the Ten Beats. Ha. Sheamus counters by elbowing out of it and then tries a Battering Ram but O'Neil hits a forearm to Sheamus's face, knocking him out of the ring. O'Neil beats on him outside and then rolls him back into the ring for a one-count. Side headlock is countered by Sheamus but he ends up back in O'Neil's arms with a Fallaway Slam. Sheamus, again, lands on his feet and starts hitting forearms and a knee lift. He hits a knee in the corner and then hits the Ten Beats from outside. Sheamus goes to the top rope and tries a Cross Body but O'Neil catches him and hits a Fallaway Slam for two! O'Neil and Sheamus exchange punches and O'Neil charges in the corner but misses. SHeamus charges and runs into O'Neil's boot. O'Neil hits a nice Shoulderbreaker and covers for two. O'Neil picks Sheamus up by his chin and taunts him but Sheamus punches him and hits the Brogue Kick for the win at 6:04.
WINNER: Sheamus via Brogue Kick
GRADE: B-. Not a bad match, really. Sheamus plays well with the big, tough guys. O'Neil could have used the win, though.

Post-match, Sheamus celebrates with some Irish fans who are holding his home country's flag.

NEXT: We get to see Kane beat the crap out of Daniel Bryan as Steph tells Kane to "stop it".

A promo for Total Divas on E!. The exclamation is not because I'm excited, as you may have guessed.

BOLIEVE promo. If I BOLIEVE, does that mean we won't have to sit through any more Midget bullshit?

Clips from the Kane-on-Daniel-Bryan beatdown from RAW.

Daniel Bryan has a "contusion of the Spinal Cord". But he'll be on RAW. Cena has quadruple the screen time since Wrestlemania.

Uso's are out for the Main Event as we go to break.

Speaking of Cena, we get a Cena/Bray promo for Extreme Rules.

MATCH #4: Jimmy Uso (w/ Jey Uso) vs. Ryback (w/ Curtis Axel)
We see the build-up for this match as Jimmy and Ryback face off. The two lock up as Ryback tries to use his strength to push Jimmy around. Jimmy slaps and punches to keep him away, then dumps him outside and hits a Flying Uso. He rolls Ryback inside and kicks away but Ryback comes back with some chops, knocking him to the mat. There's a headlock by Ryback and some hecklers don't like that, so Ryback tells them to shut up. Jimmy gets out and slings him into the ropes and goes for a Superkick but misses and Ryback rolls outside to recover. Once back in, he pounds on Jimmy until Jimmy fights back and Ryback ends up outside. Jimmy tries a Cross Body but Ryback catches him and goes for a Powerslam. As he runs, Jimmy slips off his shoulder and shoves Ryback into the ring post.

Promo for a kick-ass-looking DVD called "RAW After-Show" which is, apparently, everything that happens when RAW's cameras go off. I'm into this.

Promo for Oculus which, I have to say, was a critical and financial success. Kudos.

After the break, Jimmy's rolling around outside and Ryback goes out to beat on him. There's a dude out there who's REALLY loud and he's not letting up on Ryback. Ryback rolls Jimmy into the ring and puts on a side headlock and then a suplex. Ryback hits a Delayed Suplex right after that and gets two. More Ryback Headlock goodness. Jimmy breaks out but Ryback hits a Spinebuster and then pounds his chest for the eventual future show intro reel. He hits a Clothesline from Hell and NEARLY gets a three-count. Ryback goes to the second rope and falls but Jimmy catches him with a foot to the face. Jimmy gets tossed to the corner but he chops at a charging Ryback. More chops and Ryback grabs him for another Powerslam but Jimmy slips off the shoulder and Ryback goes flying into the ring post. Jimmy charges but Ryback boots him in the face. Ryback ends up getting dropped to the mat and Jimmy hits a Samoan Drop after some kicks. He goes to the top rope and hits a nice Cross Body for two. Ryback is up and Jimmy hits the Superkick. Ryback ends up in the corner and Jimmy hits the Rikishi Splash. Another two count. He goes up top again as Ryback gets to his feet and knocks Uso down, trying to set up a Superplex. Jimmy counters with punches and goes for the Superfly Splash but Axel hits the mat and Jimmy jumps down to confront him. Jey comes up behind Axel and hits him with a Superkick as Jimmy gets blindsided by Ryback. Jimmy flies into both Axel and Jey. Ryback rolls Jimmy back into the ring, hits the Shell Shock and we're done at 13:10.
WINNER: Ryback via Shell Shock
GRADE: B-. Ryback is slow and clunky and not exactly one to carry a Main Event...but, for this show, it worked. The pace was decent and there was some good back-and-forth. Not bad.

Post-match, the heels celebrate as Main Event goes off the air.  

OVERALL: The Sheamus match and the Uso/Ryback match saved this. I'd say B-.

That's it.

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Thanks for reading!