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The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW–04.24.95

The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 04.24.95

Live from Omaha, NB

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jerry Lawler, who is now joining him “as always” so he’s the permanent host now. For those who like to trace the bizarre paths of history, this show starts the unlikely rise to power of you-know-who.

The Smoking Gunns v. Barry Horowitz & The Brooklyn Brawler

Gunn dominates both jobbers with hiptosses and the Gunns work on Lombardi’s arm in their corner for a bit, then suddenly finish with the Sidewinder at 2:15. Well that was out of nowhere.

Meanwhile, Bam Bam is sporting a black eye, and he’s going to take it out on Diesel.

Bertha Faye v. La Pantera Serena

Bertha has now been retooled into the weird neon-styled love interest of Wippleman instead of the Awesome Kong-like asskicker. In the Observer at the time, Meltzer notes that the idea was blatantly ripped off from another promotion, but doesn’t specify where it comes from. Bertha overpowers Serena and sidesteps a bodypress in one of the ugliest spots I’ve seen in a while. Three legdrops and an avalanche set up the powerbomb and a press slam to finish at 4:00. Long and pretty terrible squash as they just blew every simple thing they did, and the whole storyline was the absolute worst instincts of Vince McMahon on display.

In Your House Report, with Todd. Nothing new of note here.

WWF World title: Diesel v. Bam Bam Bigelow

The storyline here is that Bigelow wants to prove himself, so he challenges Diesel on his own to a title match. They have a shoving match in the corner and Diesel pounds him down for two, then drops an elbow for two. He works the arm, but Bigelow slams him to take over. Diesel comes back with a clothesline for two and Bigelow bails, suckering Diesel out for a shot to the post. That gets two and we hit the chinlock and take a break. Back with Diesel escaping and making the comeback, but Bam Bam cuts him off and tries a suplex. Diesel reverses that for two, but Bigelow gets his own for two. Holy god this match is terrible. Tatanka wanders out to ringside, apparently stunned that a World title match on TV could be this shitty and needing eyewitness verification, while Bigelow chokes away on the ropes. Both guys look slow and clumsy and tired. And we take ANOTHER BREAK. Who booked Kevin Nash to go 20:00? Back with Diesel making another comeback, but Tatanka trips up Bigelow by “mistake” and the Poochiebomb finishes at 18:53. Apparently they were just back from a tour of Germany almost that day and were pretty jetlagged. But FUCK ME this was bad. * And after the match, Dibiase finally fires him, and the Million Dollar beatdown commences. Sid is now wearing blue tights for some reason, which totally ruins his look. And then he nearly drops Bigelow on his head with a powerbomb, until Diesel makes the save because the powerbomb was so bad that even HE was offended by it. The storyline is fine, but the execution is god-awful and we all know how badly Bigelow ended up.

Aldo Montoya v. The Black Phantom

Wait, this show isn’t done yet? Wasn’t 20 minutes of Kevin Nash wrestling enough? The Phantom bails and Montoya hits him with a dive and works on the arm in the ring. The Phantom takes over with a slam for two, but Montoya makes the comeback with his…uh…Portuguese martial arts? Bulldog or something finishes at 3:00. Yeah, fight from underneath the BLACK PHANTOM, that’ll get you over.

Meanwhile, some new Lord Steven Regal ripoff gets ready to debut. Never heard of the goof. Hunter something or other. Like this guy will ever amount to anything.

Next week: Sid v. Razor Ramon! It couldn’t possibly be any worse than this show was. Most of these are just boring but this was actively awful for the entire thing. But then if you had told me that the one random cameo from a castoff WCW guy here would end up changing the business forever, I certainly wouldn’t have believed you. So this one has some history going for it, at the very least.

Comments

  1. According to kevin Nash, this was the most profitable raw in history. He even has charts to prove it.

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  2. "Miscommunication there." --Vince, calling that cross body spot in one of the most kayfabe-breaking moments in the pre-Russo history of Raw.

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  3. Anybody here old enough to remember a time when you would want to fap to a naked Sunny pic?

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  4. God, her downturn was so awful I can't even find her hot from pics and videos from IN HER PRIME. I have the same thing with Yasmine Bleeth, oddly.

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  5. Good ol' Hunter Hearst-Helsmley. What's funny is that as a kid, I totally dug his look (musta been the hair) and found him hilarious, and kept that going for years, cheering him when he was some dickish heel. I was actually happy as balls to see him eventually join DX, win the IC Title a ton, then go on to the World Title. Only later would I discover that as a proper smark, I should have hated him for years until he got more acceptable in the ring.

    Even THEN, I recognized that he was using a ton of knee-based moves. That's not really a BAD thing in some cases, but was pretty funny with the whole USES THE KNEE thing.

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  6. First time i saw Hunter at a house show, my dad said he was nowhere near Regal and wouldn't make it. Oops.

    About that Bertha match...a powerbomb set up for a pin off a press slam?! That's almost as bad as a tombstone used as a transition for a falling headbut. Oh wait...

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  7. For me it's the opposite. She was so hot back in the day that I could even far to the wrestling vixxxens version of her.

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  8. The Fall of Camelot is a cycle Arthur is born rises to power and falls over and over it has no beginning it has no end there is only the harvest. Sorry got possessed by Sovereign there for a moment. So Shining Knight is from THAT fall of Camelot. This is a carry over from Morrison's 7 Soldiers story which i suggest for one and all.

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  9. She was at her hottest during her Rodham phase in SMW. Even then, for someone so young, she could cut a pretty decent promo.

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  10. Maybe he is safe in Russia?

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  11. He didn't help your political career.

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  12. Hindsight being 20/20 I wonder if we overestimate how much the Kliq really screwed Bigelow. I mean the guy got to main event Wrestlemania with a celebrity that gave him mainstream notice, then turned babyface and was put right into the main event. Maybe its on him for just not getting over as a babyface.

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  13. Who is "you know who!?" Russo? Seems too early for that.

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  14. Bigelow doing the job then getting dumped my DiBiase makes sense, storyline wise.

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  15. Question - are celebrities/athletes who have got ahead in life based 99% on their looks and genetics fair game for objectification?

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  16. she's still the gold standard

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  17. This Hunter guy was so boring... man was he boring...

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  18. Well this Helmsley guy wouldn't have made it, if he stayed "regal", but as this degenerated outlaw, he wasn't that bad. ;-) It's all about the gimmick...

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  19. Rockin' Todd ParkerSeptember 1, 2014 at 6:13 AM

    Let's just say it has nothing to do with intelligence.

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  20. Maybe because I'm not a politician neckbeard.

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  21. ONLY 116 comments, you know, sometimes I question this blog

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  22. Thread jack: All the 1995 and 1995 Nitros are on the network.

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  23. Random TJ:


    Going through PPVs, and I'm on Rumble 1997. And speaking of Hunter, what the hell was WWE's obsession with constantly rehiring Curtis Hughes?

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  24. You use that name, you bear that cross.

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  25. WCW rehired Ice Train like 4 times.

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  26. Troy McClure: "And now, what we've all been waiting for...HARDCORE NUDITY!"

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  27. 97 kinda makes sense b/c WCW "stole" everyone. His 99 return makes absolutely no sense. Remember he and Shamrock had a shoot fight and Jericho had to break it up? I think that got him fired for good.

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  28. Just wondering. Wasn't sure if this was punishment or regular booking.

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  29. Didn't he also injure Shamrock right before Shamrock's match with Jericho?

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  30. Not sure. Let me see if I can youtube that thing. It was really bizarre. Shamrock quit after that didn't he?

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  31. I think like the Smackdown before the PPV if I remember correctly.

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  32. Can't find the actual footage but this was taken from a shoot:



    What was the deal between him and Curtis Hughes? He was supposed to have an angle with Chris Jericho,
    who’d just entered the federation, and Curtis Hughes was playing
    Jericho’s bodyguard. During an angle where he was on the mat, Hughes
    kept kicking him in the head and shoulders stiffly, so he asked them to
    ease up. Hughes didn’t, so Shamrock told Jericho “Tell him to kick me
    in the BODY next time or I’m going to get up and beat his ass.” Hughes
    then kicked him in the head again, so he got up and was about to beat
    the shit out of him when Jericho jumped in the way and took one for the
    team. He shouldn’t have lost his temper, but Hughes had worked long
    enough to know better.

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  33. Honestly I always thought Bam Bam worked best as a heel, anyway.

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  34. No, I use my real name because unlike you I have nothing to hide babyfat

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  35. Jennifer lawrence is somehow less attractive now that I've seen her nude...sigh...

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  36. "objectification": yes.
    violating their rights: no (for example this also applies to some paparazzi)

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  37. Wow! I was supposed to be productive today!

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  38. That Yasmine Bleeth mug shot is scary.

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  39. Horowitz and Brawler is an awesome jobber tag team!

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  40. I'm not sure why but i enjoyed him as M.I Smooth on the dying days of WCW. I think he was introduced as a bad ass chauffeur or something like that.

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  41. "Here's the immediate drop off after my segment ended"

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  42. Yeah, he was turned face and buddies up with the champion, wasn't exactly a burial. As a kid he just didn't do it for me as a face.

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