The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 05.15.95
Live from Binghamton, NY
Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jerry Lawler.
Owen Hart & Yokozuna v. Nick Barberri & Bill Weaver
Yoko plasters both jobbers by himself and Owen adds a leg lariat and works on the arm of Barberri. The jobber comes back with a hiptoss and they actually work Owen over in their corner a bit, but Yoko comes in and splats Weaver with a Rock Bottom for the pin at 3:00.
Last night: Jerry Lawler cheats outrageously and beats Bret Hart at the first In Your House.
Man Mountain Rock v. Iron Mike Sharpe
Is this a squash or a main event from 1952? Rock has thankfully ditched the cornrows and pajamas, but he’s still a lost cause. He drops an elbow on Sharpe and finishes with the Painkiller (Fujiwara armbar) at 1:30.
Last night: An 11 year old kid wins the house! And then turns it around for a $30,000 profit as it turned out.
Meanwhile, Caribbean legend Savio Vega introduces himself to the world. Thankfully his English would get better.
Meanwhile, Barry Didinsky shills some crappy t-shirts. Well not “$9.99” level crappy but certainly no sane human would wear a “Diesel v. Sid” shirt.
King of the Ring Qualifier: Bob Holly v. Mantaur
Mantaur powers him out of the ring, but Holly comes back with dropkicks. Mantaur with more devastating shoulderblocks and a powerslam for two, and he chokes away in the corner. Sideslam and he stomps away as the crowd is just deathly silent for this. Suplex gets two and he pounds on Bob in the corner, but a blind charge misses and Holly gets two. Holly makes the comeback with a missile dropkick for two and a flying bodypress to finish at 5:31. Just horrible. DUD
Mr. Bob Backlund has a big announcement and Vince is pretty funny as the straight man (“Well, Mr. Backlund, for the benefit of those of us who are on THIS planet…”) and Bob rambles on for 5 minutes, reeling off crazy “historical” dates like JFK getting shot in December 1983 until Vince finally reins him in and Bob spits out that he’s running for President. This trainwreck went absolutely nowhere. Much like this show.
Bam Bam Bigelow v. IRS
Bigelow has new upbeat babyface music and elaborate flaming gear for his entrance. This was SO not the way to get him over as a top babyface. IRS runs away from Bigelow to start and we take a break after 2:00 of stalling. Back with Bigelow in control, but he misses the diving headbutt and IRS comes back with clotheslines to take over. And then it’s the abdominal stretch to really rev up the excitement and he pounds away before pulling off the turnbuckle, but Bigelow sends him into it for the pin at 5:00. That’s a hell of a way to kick off Bigelow’s big run, selling the whole match for the most boring wrestler alive and then having to cheat to beat him. ½*
Next week: Shawn Michaels returns to face King Kong Bundy, as we get a video package about him to waste MORE airtime and wrap it up. Holy balls was this a pathetic show, with two craptastic feature matches and a whole lot of recaps. Hopefully King of the Ring will help to improve the quality.