The PG Era Rant for Raw, October 20,
2014.
On tonight's show:
- John Cena and Dean Ambrose face the Authority in a Handicap Street Fight.
- AJ/Paige and Usos/Dusts have been added to Hell in a Cell, giving us 8 matches on the night.
- Six-man rematch: Usos/Sheamus v. Dusts/Miz.
Live from Kansas City, MO.
Your hosts are as always.
We look back at last week's main event
first.
WE HAVE A CELL LOWERING TO THE RING!
And our first speakers are the
Authority. Lilian Garcia has taken over for Justin Roberts. I
wonder what that banner is curled up behind them. HHH leads off,
saying he will be proud of the Authority after they face off against
Cena and Ambrose. And then on Sunday, Cena and Ambrose go to Hell.
In a Cell. Unspeakable things will happen on Sunday! 9.99!
HHH makes clear that Hell in a Cell is
not a match you win – even if HHH is the winningest person in it –
but it's a match you survive. HHH promises that both rivalries will
END on Sunday. The rivalries, of course, being Orton/Cena and
Ambrose/Rollins.
Rollins bats second, saying he's happy
to be called Mr. Money in the Bank, but (Crowd: YOU SOLD OUT.) he'd
prefer Undisputed Future of the WWE. He thinks it has a great ring
to it. The key is future, which Ambrose will not have after the main
event on Sunday...
...but Orton steps in, saying he's the
main event because he and Cena have had slightly more than a cup of
coffee in WWE. HHH has to step in: it's a double main event, so
you're both right. But Cena and Orton has one more stipulation: it's
a #1 Contender's Match for the WWE Championship. Orton likes it.
Orton goes cheap heat on the Royals before promising he will beat
Cena, then Lesnar.
HHH knows the Authority will make him
proud tonight and on Sunday. The Authority always wins, and that's
best for business. Kane sets off pyro, and we're out.
We look back at the shenanigans on Main
Event with Sheamus, Sandow, and Miz.
Okay, that banner is probably the
curled-up Russian flag. Anyway, it's good to know they talked Brock
into getting off his ranch and doing his day job for Survivor Series.
At least, I hope it's Survivor Series.
Sheamus & Jey Uso & Jimmy
Uso v. Miz & Goldust & Stardust.
Inset promos from both the Usos and the Dusts talk about Sunday's
match (although they almost start the Dust one during the Uso
entrance – why is Kevin Dunn employed again?). HASHTAG! Actually,
wait, Sandow is going to take Miz's place. Jimmy and Stardust start,
and Jimmy with an uppercut and slam as Miz goes to commentary.
Senton gets two by Jimmy. Jey in with his flying forearm, and a
snapmare gets one. Stardust cuts Jey off, but Goldust gets
hip-tossed for one. Goldust rushes the corner, and Stardust returns
with the Disaster Kick for two. Goldust tags in and taunts Jey as we
go to break.
KEVIN
DUNN DELENDA EST.
#6ManTag, part two.
Goldust with a spinebuster to Jey for two as we return. Stardust
in, and he chokes Jey with his shin. Sandow tags himself in, getting
a headbutt and the Million Dollar Neckbreaker for two. Sandow with a
charge that eats boot, but Stardust stops a hot tag. Goldust in, and
he slugs Jey out on his feet. Jey wins a slugfest, but Goldust with
a kneeling uppercut only to get hit with a Dragon Whip. Hot tag
Sheamus, and Sandow gets the worst of it. Kneelift and Stardust is
sent packing, and this leads to a Ten of Clubs attempt, but Goldust
distracts and Sandow tries to take over. Sheamus with a powerslam
for two, Goldust saves. Goldust slams Jimmy, but Jey with a
superkick and he dives on Goldust. Stardust with a blind dive to the
Usos, and Sheamus dumps Sandow and bowls everyone over. Sandow's
tossed back in, and the Brogue is warmed up. Stardust misses the
Disaster Kick, and Sheamus Brogue Kicks him. Sandow cradles Sheamus
for the pin at 9:42. Miz acts like HE won. **
I'm not
entirely certain about that rating because they kept cutting to Miz
at commentary rather than show the match. Thanks, Kev.
Backstage,
Orton wants to talk to HHH. He thanks HHH for the chance on Sunday
and promises to win. HHH doesn't doubt and admits it's been a long
time coming... but the whole thing was Seth's idea, not HHH. Orton
can't comprehend that, but he needs to thank Seth personally.
The
Wyatt Family is going their separate ways, and somehow this is even
scarier, because Bray Wyatt has Sister Abigail as his prophet. It's
coming.
If you have
DVR, look back at Bray in that video. He's wearing a jacket that
people in NXT should find very familiar.
Non-Title: AJ Lee v. Alicia Fox.
Paige is at ringside. We view the highlights of SmackDown before
the match. Fox knocks over AJ, but gets caught with a back elbow.
Cradle gets one. Another cradle gets two. AJ skips while holding
Fox's hair, and a spin kick (allegedly) gets two. Fox knocks down AJ
for two. Fox sends AJ into the corner, and a Northern Lights Suplex
gets two. To the chinlock, using the hair to control AJ. She slams
her face-first into the map and kicks her around, then a tilt-a-whirl
gets two. Fox (screaming at AJ): “I HATE YOU!” Double handed
chinlock by Fox, and she throws AJ into the corner to get a boot
choke. She stops to yell at the ref, so AJ kicks her down and gets a
Thesz Press. Corner clothesline and Rude Awakening follow, then a
head-scissors as Fox bails. Paige tries to fire Fox up, throwing her
back in and distracting AJ. It works, as Fox gets the cradle for the
pin at 4:15. 1/2*
So
Seth Rollins is admiring his contract backstage when Orton thanks him
for the idea. But why would Rollins DO that? While Orton
appreciates it, he asks Rollins to step aside and let him handle it
himself. Rollins makes it clear: if somehow Orton moves on to beat
Brock Lesnar, he'd be the Champion... oh, and then the briefcase is a
target on Orton.
I
like the mutual loathing Rollins and Orton have going. I don't like
how there's no likeable human being in the Divas' Division outside of
Brie Bella, and I'm not allowed to like her because she's not a
wrestler.
Hulk
Hogan is on WWE Backstage Pass, exclusively on the WWE Universe
Network!
Randy
Orton is out again. He reminds us this isn't even their first Hell
in a Cell match. But time flies quickly – their debuts were all of
12 years ago, but even then Orton was the bigger deal. (The crowd
chants for the Royals, so Orton reminds them that he thinks the
Royals will lose the World Series.) Ever since then, they've become
the Hogan/Piper or Bret/Shawn of their time. Sure, Orton respects
Cena, but he's still just a punk from Boston going against wrestling
royalty Take your creed and shove it up your ass because Orton
doesn't care about anything but himself. That's why Orton won at the
Royal Rumble the last time they met, and he'll win Sunday. Orton
will savor every second of beating Cena. And after that...
...wait,
before we go any further, here's Cena. (He hangs out with fans
wearing Royals gear at ringside just for fun.) Cena: “Shut up.
Shut up. Shut your mouth!” Everyone respects Orton's skills and
his status as a future Hall of Famer, but every time he talks, he
proves his own stupidity. Stop talking about the past like a
grandpa. That was then, this is now – and with all Kansas City is
getting right now (applause break), you come here to insult the
baseball team? That was then (and the last time Orton was relevant),
and this is now. The Royals are in the World Series.
But
Orton reminds people that getting there is one thing, winning is
another. Cena says the idiot has a point – getting to Hell in a
Cell is one thing, winning is something Orton can't do. Cena may
have wanted Rollins, but no more, because a win means he gets Brock
Lesnar one more time. Sure the structure is Hell, but there won't be
another chapter on Sunday. Orton will be locked in a Cell with him –
and Cena sees Brock Lesnar when he looks at Orton. And Hell is
coming with Cena.
But
ladies and gentlemen, his name is Paul Heyman. He's not into the
revisionist history and how laughable it is – the best of the Class
of 2002 was neither of them. It was Brock Lesnar. So think about it
(like Heyman does, all the time), the current WWE Champion Brock
Lesnar was champion then, too. Sure, this Sunday... (Heyman pauses
to see the Cell) ...on Sunday, Cena and Orton will be in the Cell to
win for the Championship Of Each Other. They have an equal as their
opponent. But they are not Brock's equal because Brock has no equal.
The winner will lose in the long run, because they face a Beast.
Orton wants that title back, but he should want no part of Brock.
Heyman then cuts Cena off from leaving – Cena wants all of Brock
Lesnar. Which isn't sound thinking, because if – IF – Cena gets
past Randy Orton, he will have to face Brock Lesnar and get killed
one more time.
So
Cena gives Heyman the AA... or threatens to, then thinks better of it
as Heyman screams for mercy. And it's an RKO out of nowhere! Orton:
“Who's stupid now?” Heyman laughs at Cena. “Wrong place,
wrong time.” So Orton RKOs Heyman for good measure. “Who's the
dumbass now?”
A
look back at this week in Big Show vs. Rusev.
I'd
have enjoyed Orton's heel work a lot more if it wasn't patently
obvious Cena's winning on Sunday. Orton has been treading water for
so long thanks to Evolution and Rollins, he's a lame duck. And it's
too bad.
Rusev v. Big E.
Lockup goes nowhere. A second try is a clean break. Round Three
allows Rusev to kick and attack in consecutive corners. Big E fights
out, getting the running Vader attack to send Rusev out of the ring.
Big E follows, and after some reversals, Rusev eats barricade. Back
in, Big E gets a kneelift and works Rusev over in the corner. Rusev
headbutts away to take over, smashing Big E in the back. A front
chancery follows, switching to a side chinlock. Big E fights off,
but Rusev knocks him over out of the ropes and stomps away. An
awkward criss-cross ends with Rusev getting a spin kick to Big E as
we go to break.
Not
sure I understand why this isn't a squash.
Rusev/Langston, part two.
Rusev gets snapmared, and Big E gets a Greco-Roman suplex. He
charges into a superkick, though. And the Accolade ends it at 7:22,
half of which was commercial. Call it *1/4
for what we saw. Lana then says Big Show will fail on Sunday because
he's a circus freak instead of a hero. Rusev promises to eat Big
Show's heart. The people will despise Big Show when he loses. Lana
then asks everyone to rise for the Russian colors... only they don't
come down.
Big
Show appears on the Tron... and then reveals he's replaced the
Russian flag with the American flag! Play some “Stars and Stripes
Forever”! But Rusev remembers what Big Show did and decides to rip
the US flag down... only for a “soldier” to enter in protest.
Rusev kicks the soldier's head off and walks away.
I
repeat, KEVIN DUNN DELENDA EST.
Moments
Ago, because a stupid idea that amuses Vince and Dunn must be
replayed.
And
now Big Show's in the ring, with all the flags still present. He's
so emotional he can barely speak. So we get a USA chant to fill
time. He says that Rusev has crossed the line by attacking the
soldier. Now he has Big Show's attention. Don't get in his head;
it's a dark place. And now Big Show will unleash the wrath on
Rusev's head. The American Giant will end Rusev's 15 minutes of
fame.
He
starts to leave, but he has one more thing to add – screw Sunday,
let's do this now! He keeps yelling for Rusev...
...but
Rusev doesn't show. Show: “Fine. You won't come to me? I'll come
to you.” And now the pursuit is on. (Cole finally addresses the
elephant in the room: no one should've rushed the ring in the first
place.)
Backstage,
Show is headed for Rusev's dressing room. He kicks the door down,
and finds it abandoned
Meanwhile,
Dean Ambrose is watching See No Evil 2 and munching on popcorn. It's
research for their match. Cena arrives and is not amused. Ambrose
points out the Superman/Batman dynamic between the two. “But
really, we just don't mix.” Cena tries for a reality check:
they're in a match with three people who want to put them on the
shelf. Ambrose says he enjoys street fights, and his plan is to take
as many people down as possible. Just fight. Cena can dig it –
but Ambrose is totally more Joker than Batman. Ambrose: “Why so
serious?”
The
Superman/Batman dynamic explains why the youths cheer for Cena and
the young adults cheer Ambrose. Me? I'll enjoy the show. Oh, and
to put a bow on this crap – someone rushed the ring on Rusev. He
is totally within his right to defend himself. And yeah, I know it
was a plant. It still sends the wrong message.
Stephanie
McMahon got an Eisenhower Fellowship. Whatever that is.
Brie Bella v. Summer Rae.
Summer with a kneelift and she sends Brie into the corner. She
shoves Brie down for one. Crucifix by Brie gets two. Brie with YES
kicks to the leg, then more in the corner. Nikki watches as Summer
gets a high spinning kick for two. Summer goes for the Cobra Clutch,
which is sold like a resthold. Summer uses the hair to keep control,
getting one. Back to the Cobra Clutch. Brie snapmares out of it,
and they do the double hairpull slam. Brie with forearms and a
dropkick to take control, and the running knee connects. Brie Mode
missile dropkick misses, and Summer gets two. Summer stomps away,
but Brie reverses a whip and gets the missile dropkick on the second
try. Facebuster gets the pin at 3:40. 3/4*
Hot
Take: Honestly, Brie is messing up a lot less than AJ lately. I
don't know what's going on with AJ, who has shown she can have a
fantastic match, but she's looked off her game lately. Combine this
with Paige's stage fright, and I wouldn't be surprised if the Bellas
match is better than AJ and Paige. It's not odds-on, but it's not a
long shot either.
Dean
Ambrose has a huge duffel bag with him as he heads to the ring. He
looks up at the Cell before speaking. He says he's dreamed about
what he will do to Seth Rollins, and it will happen on Sunday. He
gets that “Power Ranger Suit Sellout” inside the Cell where no
one will stop him. He opens the duffel bag to reveal a Seth Rollins
CPR dummy. He addresses the dummy, calling him a puppet for the
Authority for a pat on the back and a paycheck. But dirty isn't
right, because Seth doesn't get his hands dirty. But Ambrose does
still care, so he'll start by ripping Seth's hands off (which he
demonstrates). That way Seth will never getting his hands dirty
again. Ambrose slaps “Seth” with his own arm. Seth should know
what Ambrose does – he screws other people back harder as he drives
a screwdriver into “Seth”'s nose. He then smacks the dummy with
a hammer. He then says he “saw” himself chopping off Seth's
testicles... but Seth's testicles are Authority property, so instead
he'll jam the hot dog tongs back into the sensitive area. (“You
don't need to have kids anyway.”) And then the dummy gets a
piledriver.
But
now the real Seth Rollins appears, flanked Joey Mercury and Jamie
Noble. Seth says he's finally found an opponent Ambrose can relate
to. We all know Dean can't beat Rollins, but at least he can parlay
this into stand-up comedy. What's next, a watermelon? Balloon
animals? (Ambrose throws the detached arm at Rollins.) Rollins
admits to selling out, and he hates hearing it from fellow
Mid-westerners. But that's where similarities end. He knew he was
more than trailer-park trash. Rollins says no one can relate to him
because he is a SOMEBODY. That's why people are taking pictures of
him while calling him a sellout, saying it's the best part of Raw.
So what if he sold out?
Ambrose,
though, has an electric drill and tells Rollins to be quiet or get a
preview. Rollins doesn't sweat Ambrose. He's not worried. The Cell
means nothing...
...but
before we go any further, here's Mick Foley! Mick said he wanted to
visit an old friend (meaning the Cell). He wants to congratulate
both for fulfilling their destinies, since he remembers the TLC match
back in 2012 that stole the show. The bar is high, and he watches
WWE TV all the time (including the Network). And yes, the Shield
were great as a team... but he thinks it'll be better as opponents.
He
finds Ambrose “disturbingly poetic”, but in every scenario he
thinks of, he sees Rollins winning. Rollins: “Now we're talking!”
Just when Foley seemed like a dinosaur who mocks wrestling, he still
has some brains left. But Foley said ALMOST any scenario – the
Cell is slightly different. Foley knows Ambrose can rip Rollins's
face off. And yeah, Foley has worn Santa attire all year because he
believes in his last vestiges of innocence that he didn't lose in
Pittsburgh. He's proud of the Hell he went through then. But as a
veteran of the Cell, he knows those scars will be there – emotional
scars that won't heal.
Ambrose
says thanks, but... he has no innocence and more scars don't bother
him. He doesn't care what he loses, and he knows no one else
understands him. He thinks Foley just might. He's ready for Hell in
a Cell – will it be worth it, Seth? ASK YOURSELF!
Rollins
declares them both crazy, but if they think crazy matters on Sunday,
they've lost it. It's not about crazy (and Ambrose is out of his
damn mind). Rollins will beat Ambrose the same way he always does –
through superior intellect. His mind is way above Ambrose's. It's
not about crazy, it's about smart.
Foley
then reminds Rollins that brains mean nothing when you're thrown off
a Cell. The Cell defines Foley, and it will define both of them. He
doesn't think they're ready for life on the other side. Tomorrow,
the Kansas City people (cheap pop) will get the game they've been
waiting for all their lives. On Sunday, that's what Ambrose and
Rollins get too. Have a nice day. Ambrose is excited, but Rollins
is hesitant – more so when Ambrose goes to swing a chair at him.
Ambrose throws the dummy at Rollins and the stooges. They sell it.
So.
The bit of Ambrose attacking the dummy probably looked like it
could've worked on paper, but in practice came off flat. Foley saved
the segment and provided the contrast needed: Ambrose is more
mentally prepared than Rollins... but that doesn't say much.
Cesaro v. Dolph Ziggler.
Wait, what? Now? Isn't this a match for Sunday? HASHTAG! JBL
gives his condolences to Ox Baker's family. A tie-up goes nowhere.
Both try for some amateur wrestling, leading to a Cesaro headlock.
Cesaro knocks over Dolph and drops on him for one. Another headlock,
but Cesaro blocks a hiptoss and slugs out Dolph. Dolph falls out the
back of a powerslam and dropkicks Cesaro, who bails before the giant
elbow. Cesaro gains control only to be sent to the floor. Dolph
follows, sending Cesaro to the barricade. Back in, Dolph with a
sunset flip for two. Cesaro gets a Stun Gun on Dolph to take control
as we go to break.
Hm.
Nope, that match isn't official yet.
Cesaro/Ziggler, part two.
Cesaro has Dolph ties up but Dolph elbows out. Dolph ties a sunset
flip, but Cesaro pics him up and does a clean-and-jerk gutbuster for
two. He walks the middle rope for a double axhandle, then a second
rope elbowdrop gets two. Back to a Cobra Clutch. Cesaro sends Dolph
into the corner, getting a Hotshot out of it, but he leaps off the
top into a dropkick. Dolph begins the comeback, getting the Stinger
Splash and Rude Awakening. Giant elbow gets two. Rocker Dropper
try, but after some reversals it's Dolph with a cradle for two.
Cesaro tries the Ricola Bomb, but Dolph gets the Kidman counter for
two. Dolph with an uppercut, but the leaping DDT is caught. Kicks
are missed, and Cesaro with an uppercut for the pin at 9:31. That
was abrupt. **
Cesaro adds a Neutralizer while calling for the belt.
Orton
and Rollins are arguing when HHH stops them. He names Kane the
captain of the team, since neither Orton nor Rollins can trust the
other. Kane yells them to attention, and says they have to begin the
process tonight, so PUT ASIDE YOUR DIFFERENCES already. It's time to
give a taste of Hell. Orton and Rollins still don't trust each
other, but they fall in line.
This
needs to be a great main event. This show so far has been mediocre.
It's felt off.
Hell
in a Cell Kickoff will have Damien Sandow interviewing the Miz, while
Paul Heyman will join the panel.
Hell
in a Cell gets the Royal Rumble “By The Numbers” treatment.
The
same Wyatt Family video as before.
I
didn't say it then, but before the main event's as good a place as
any: I think it's a very good sign that Cena/Orton got the 9:00 slot
and Ambrose/Rollins got the 10:00 slot.
Main Event, no DQ: John Cena and
Dean Ambrose v. The Authority.
HASHTAG! It's a brawl to start, with Ambrose going after Rollins
and leaving Cena to fend off the other two. Kane bails and Orton is
tossed, so Ambrose and Rollins start. Ambrose reverses a whip and
gets a forearm and bulldog combo. Ambrose with the Bret Hart
wishbone stomp and a bow-and-arrow hair pull. Ambrose with a Hammer
Throw next, following up with a clothesline. He clears the apron
before dumping Rollins and following. He clears the announce table,
but the partners jump in to stop whatever happens next. Ambrose
elbowdrops the mob. Ambrose introduces a chair to the match and
throws Rollins in. He uses the chair liberally on Rollins across the
back. Ambrose enters a trance before ducking outside and looking for
more weaponry. He finds a table, but Kane throws Ambrose on it,
denting it. Kane sends Cena into the steps as we go to break.
Why
is this match being held under tag rules? It's a street fight!
#StreetFight, part two.
Rollins hooks the nose of Ambrose and drops an elbow. He adds a
neck crank for good measure. Ambrose bites the hand to break, so
Rollins stomps away. Orton tags in, dropping Ambrose on the top
rope. He rakes the face with his knee pad and brings Rollins back
in. Rollins punches Ambrose down and looks at the Cell before adding
back elbows. He taunts Cena, so Ambrose tries to fight out but gets
nowhere. Orton helps Rollins work Ambrose over in the corner. He
tags in (“Same team”) and stomps Ambrose's foot. Cover gets one.
Orton follows Ambrose crawling to Cena, then begins the Garvin Stomp
to stop it. It gets two. Ambrose fights back with some boxing jabs,
but Orton goes low. Blind charge eats boot and Ambrose goes up with
a missile dropkick. Hot tag Cena, and he goes to comeback town on
Rollins. Five Knuckle Shuffle (as Orton can't see Cena), and an AA
to Kane. Cena finds another table and brings it in (since the first
one broke). He has Rollins stuck with the corner empty, and it's AA
time, but Rollins avoids the table and sends Cena into a wedged chair
in the corner. Orton works on Ambrose on the outside, sending him
into the steps. Kane picks up the stairs, and Orton sends Ambrose
into them. Rollins has Cena down and puts the table up in the
corner. But Cena gets up and goes for an AA only to be reversed to a
Shiranui for two. Kane drags Cena outside the ring and throws him
into Michael Cole. Cole got out of the way. Kane then sends Cena
into the steps as Cole and JBL try to get mic'd up again. Cena eats
post on the outside, and back in, Kane sends Cena through the table.
Kane drags Cena out of the rubble, but instead of covering, he kicks
Ambrose away. Kane demands the Cell be lowered, and it is – with
Ambrose stuck outside and Cena in it! Kane uppercuts Cena and tags
in Orton as Ambrose barely sneaks in under the lowering Cell and gets
the hot tag. He dives onto all three men and tosses Rollins and Kane
before working on Orton. Dropkick to Rollins sends him into the
Cell, and Ambrose with the rope-tangle clothesline on Orton. Ambrose
has kendo sticks now, and he goes to town on Orton. White Russian
legsweep follows, and Ambrose gets a chair. He goes to the top rope
with it, and it's a chair-aided elbowdrop to Orton. Kane returns and
tries a goozle, but Ambrose has a chair and uses it. Orton is
dumped, and Rollins is tossed onto Orton. And Ambrose dives into
Rollins and the Cell, knocking everyone out. Orton is up first and
tosses Ambrose into the post. He's ready for the RKO, but Cena
catches him for an AA. Orton escapes, and Kane chokeslams Cena.
Dirty Deeds to Kane, and Orton gets the RKO for the pin at 18:31.
And right after the match, Rollins gives Orton the Curbstomp. “I
call the shots around here!” Rollins is the only one standing –
on top of the Cell, even – as we go off the air. ***1/4
FINAL
THOUGHTS:
Unlike
last week, this show seemed a mess. It was like the show was
re-written at the last minute... which, knowing Vince, it probably
was. Other than that, a typical go-home show.
HOW
I'D BOOK IT:
- Sheamus beats the Miz to retain the US Title.
- Rusev beats Big Show by TKO.
- In the Cell, John Cena defeats Randy Orton.
- In an added match, Dolph Ziggler defeats Cesaro to retain the Intercontinental Title.
- AJ Lee pins Paige to retain the Divas' Title.
- Goldust and Stardust beat the Usos.
- Nikki Bella beats Brie Bella with aid from Stephanie.
- In the Cell, Dean Ambrose beats Seth Rollins when Randy Orton turns face.
STATS:
MATCH
TIME: 53:01 over six matches
BEST
MATCH: The main event
WORST
MATCH: AJ/Fox
NIGHT
MVP: Seth Rollins
FINAL
SCORE: Meh, 4/10.
Let's
check the calendar: Matt Perri reviews Main Event on Tuesday. Tommy
Hall does the other shows the rest of the week. Stranger in the Alps
will run the daily discussion. Brian Bayless will run the e-fed.
Danielle Stolman will be tortured with Total Divas. And I'll be back
in seven days, if not sooner.
I'll
be on the Network.
Andy PG, quicker and more Robust than a Wendy's Quardruple Stack Baconator!
ReplyDeleteShut up Meekin.
ReplyDeleteYou're not funny and no one likes you.
ReplyDeleteWhy does Meekin get buried here?
ReplyDeleteI deserve good things, I am entitled to my share of happiness. I
ReplyDeleterefuse to beat myself up. I am an attractive person. I am fun to be
with.
But today, I've decided to take a risk, and wear a new sweater.
https://www.google.com/?gws_rd=ssl#q=Question+Of+The+Day+Paul+Meekin+Scotts+Blog+of+Doom
ReplyDeleteGo from the low numbers to the high numbers.
Night MVP: Kansas City Royals. We ready.
ReplyDeleteGo jump into a vat of acid. The only person you're entertaining is yourself.
ReplyDeleteBecause he says fucking stupid things, has an overinflated sense of self importance and tries to be clever and just comes off as cringeworthy.
ReplyDeleteHe trolled the blog for months through his QOTD and his movie reviews and then got upset when everyone turned on him.
ReplyDeleteWhy shouldn't Ambrose beat Rollins clean?
ReplyDeleteBecause in my world, this ends not here, but at TLC.
ReplyDeleteBit of an overreaction here.
ReplyDeleteHIAC should be where feuds ends. It's supposed to be THE gimmick match.
ReplyDeleteThere's an abandoned forum on the bar up top that archives the many, many reasons.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunate side effect of having TLC and HiaC within two months. But it's really time for them to find something else to do.
ReplyDeleteHow come you never responded to the pumpkin kitten thread? I mean, you asked people to give you a code that proved they read it
ReplyDeleteAnd fans of Stuart Saves His Family
ReplyDeleteYou're so bad at everything you wish you were good at.
ReplyDeleteI love using the overinflated sense of self importance line
ReplyDeleteSo Kane's just sitting there and nope, Ambrose eats the clean pin. Way to build up that new main event babyface!
ReplyDeleteAlso, ten fucking years on television and Orton still can't work the mic. Amazing how over pushed this guy is.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, wwe is 94/95 level bad right now.
ReplyDeleteAnd sadly I kind of want him to fight Brock now. Just because that's the only guy he hasn't fought a thousand times.
ReplyDeleteThe only Brock/Orton match I'd have interest in is an mma fight so there's be a chance I'd never have to see Orton on tv again. Short of that it's a big who gives a shit.
ReplyDeleteAnd there's the first "I wish legitimate pain on people who do not entertain me enough" post of the night.
ReplyDeleteTonight really was a parade of the least over pro wrestling roster ever assembled.
ReplyDeleteCmon with Brock-Orton we get the crushing disappointment of Orton not hitting Brock with a RKO mid Shiiting star press. It'll be fun!
ReplyDeleteRight because me posting that actually will lead to someone being hurt. Eat shit you self righteous awful writer.
ReplyDeleteThe back button's right there. You can leave and allow the rest of us to discuss the show rationally any minute now.
ReplyDeleteMore painful: watching all of raw without a FF or reading every word of an Andy recap?
ReplyDeleteSeriously, go to bed. You're being a dick. And I know you can be better than this.
ReplyDeleteThe delete button is on your keyboard. You can use it to delete anything you ever write so nobody has to accidentally read it while scrolling down to the comment section.
ReplyDeleteDude, what is wrong with you today? You are better than this. I know you are better than this. Did you come in here hoping to start a fight?
ReplyDeleteThis could be a lot worse, like that creep from 411. Or we could have Meekin rate this like a movie.
ReplyDelete"IT STINKS!"
Nah not tired yet. Also your recaps suck has anyone ever mentioned that?
ReplyDeleteDisagree, I like em.
ReplyDeleteDo you have anything to say about the show or are you just here to piss on everyone you don't like?
ReplyDeleteListen, I think you're a shitty writer, and your little self righteous reply annoyed me. So there.
ReplyDeleteAs for raw it was a terrible show, what else is there to say?
ReplyDeleteI couldn't steal this show :(
ReplyDeleteAnd yet you read it.
ReplyDeleteAJ's had a fantastic match?
ReplyDeleteMain Event vs. Natalya.
ReplyDeleteWorst RAW I've seen in ages. All champions jobbed, Ambrose pinned clean, Long drawn out promos, bad Cena comedy, Orton overkill, absolutely horrid in ring action, and the icing on the cake, the tasteless "soldier" segment. They backpedal for disgracing the Russian flag, then they pull THIS?? WWE is absolutely horrible. I have never been less engaged in any era...at least the mid 90s had comprehensible storylines and compelling characters. This is horrendous, repetitive, soulless bullshit. Goodnight.
ReplyDeleteNot true, Meekin is a brilliant poster.
ReplyDeleteSee you next...well, you know where I'm going.
ReplyDeleteNever seen it.
ReplyDeleteSounds like someone is lacking a bit of emotional control.
ReplyDeleteHint: not Andy
Lol I've actually only watched the last couple weeks....prior to that I stopped watching after Bryan went down. I have only started watching cuz I moved in with my new roommate and he watches every week so it's fun to pick it apart together. But yeh we literally watched the show in thirty minutes and it still felt like a marathon. Never has been this bad.
ReplyDeleteYou need to. They gave the two 15 minutes and it was as good as any Raw midcard match. I think it was from February.
ReplyDelete*Jobber hears a scream and looks up. His eyes grow big and he dives out of the way as Holmberg goes through the roof of his car.*
ReplyDeleteJobber: "DAMMIT HOLMBERG!! Do you know WHAT this is going to do to my insurance premium?!?!?!"
Holmberg: "Sorry....sir...."
What format. Word or just put it in the email?
ReplyDelete"they made Mabel MEAN something"
ReplyDeleteYet no one gave a shit about him. Saying they put effort into a lost cause doesn't make for a good argument.
"they made you CARE about Savio Vega."
Man this revisionist history sure is something. Because I sure didn't give a shit about him then, or now.
Dean Ambrose is more engaging than both of the above, weak booking or not.
Any format is fine.
ReplyDeleteWhy it gotta be DARK?!?!?! Dat's raycess...
ReplyDeleteFINE it's eggshell... BETTER?
ReplyDeleteThat was Kanyon's specialty match.
ReplyDeleteThe point I'm trying and failing to make is that back then, things mattered. Yes Mabel sucked in every way but they built him properly and followed thru with it. In one night at KOTR, they made 11 year old me buy into Savio. The Tatanka/Lex storyline was executed nicely too. Not saying it was great, but things were treated seriously and made to matter. Now, it's just whatever from week to week, and the mid card is a swap and switch merry go round to nowhere. The in ring action is solid but when it ultimately means nothing....so what?
ReplyDelete"I can assure you, I'm not high."
ReplyDeleteMeh..*goes back to trying to kill Rockstar Gary*
ReplyDeleteKill his #1 fan and make him watch before you do.
ReplyDeleteThe problem is they treated the wrong things seriously, to quote Scott Keith when he paraphrased JR, "Like executing a good running play, BUT running the wrong way and scoring a touchdown for the opposing team."
ReplyDeleteIn other words, a polished turd is still a turd.
Cool. *Pops the trunk of the truck and drags RSG's #1 fan out of the back.*
ReplyDeleteBetter drink some Red Bull and hope you sprout wings mother fuc...
*Camera cuts off*
The first match in his career that induced tears in many eyes for unintended reasons.
ReplyDeleteLets be grateful that the english language is the ONLY thing Ray Lewis is butchering these days.
ReplyDeleteIn what universe?
ReplyDeleteAJ Lee is by far and away the most overrated WWE wrestler from the posters at this blog.
ReplyDeleteIs the weird guy obsessed with AJ still writing at 411?
ReplyDeleteThose recaps are horrendous
If anyone writes their own promos does that put them in line for a shot for the writers title?
ReplyDeleteThe Writer's Division are those with posting privileges. Its dwindled down recently
ReplyDelete" I'm not allowed to like her because she's not a wrestler."
ReplyDeleteWell, that plus being a black hole of charisma. I don't understand what's there to like. You never have to worry about leaving money on the table with a Bella because they bring nothing to it.
Now someone call up Charlotte to the main roster already.
I think it was one star, but yeah, he really shat on the "stunt show" quality of it. i'M SORRY HE COULDN'T CHAIN WRESTLE WITH HIS INSIDES DISPLACED!
ReplyDeleteGlad that he came around on it, because it was one of the absolute greatest spectacles ever in wrestling. I remember watching it live and thought he wasn't walking after the first fall, nevermind the second.
Aside from Natalya, no one else is better than her in the skill department.
ReplyDeleteConsidering the state of the diva's roster, that's hardly a complement.
ReplyDeleteBeing the best in the division doesn't mean you are great or even good for that matter.
It's like a MLB team that is terrible and has to have someone represent them in the All-Star game. They are not really an all-star caliber performer, they are just the best that they have. AJ is like that. The best they have and she is just an okay performer
Brian, I appreciate your insight, but you didn't have to cancel your vacation to share it.
ReplyDelete(Tommy Hall is window shopping at a throwback store. He doesn't see Andy PG behind him... yet.)
ReplyDeleteAPG: "Reminiscing?"
TH: "Don't rub it in. All the stuff I had is being kept as collateral. I can't actually buy anything here... probably not for a long time. All because I'm down one month's salary."
APG: "Well... it was your idea. I didn't ask for money to be on the line. You did. You're the one who went beyond his means."
TH: "Are you here to rub it in?"
APG: "C'mon, who do you think I am? I'm no Top 5'er, above the law and causing crime. I'm not Stackhouse, preaching some dark message. I ain't Bayless, changing the rules and stacking the deck. If you beat me inside the Cell, you'll get your money back. I'll make sure of it."
TH: "I hope so."
APG: "You know, it's funny... remember how this began? You thought you could buy my vote. And I said no. I wonder if you wish you'd tried to win a title match the old-fashioned way now."
TH: "Shut up, you Johnny come lately rookie. You think you know how to survive at the Blog of Doom because they talk to you every Monday? I've been writing forever. I will be here when you're gone. And the e-money I get will be enough to buy you out and get rid of you."
APG: "Hey. Big talk for someone who lives outside his means. I was just beginning to feel sorry for you. No more. At Hell in a Cell, you will be broke. I will leave no survivors."
An okay performer who's more charismatic than the rest. In this business, THAT counts for alot.
ReplyDeleteAJ's a good wrestler WHEN she has something to work with. But with this division, that hardly happens.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.dailymotion.com/video/xlmsec_026-shawn-michaels-vs-mankind-in-your-house-10-1996-wwf-championship_sport
ReplyDeleteThanks
ReplyDeleteI think we can all agree both matches will suck and none of us will really be watching them. If divas match hits two stars while I'm in the bathroom did it really happen? No.
ReplyDeleteMaybe there's an alternative dimension where Meekin saw Apocalypse Now before he got out of high school like everyone else that likes movies?
ReplyDeleteOr maybe there's a dimension where his stupid jokes about his 4 inch penis and his innovative mutton chop neck beard get him laid all the time
ReplyDeleteI only saw the Ambrose/Rollins/Foley promo. It was...not very good. This sure doesn't sound like much of a go home show outside of that either. I've been watching the WWE since 1988. It feels like there are just way less wrestlers than there ever were before which is bad thing, and it feels like the booking is probably at an all time low.
ReplyDeleteZiggler just jobbed on the 4th straight show. I know he's a jobber but wtf. Just get rid of the mid card belts. They are now officially worthless. Its basically a official announcement that you are now a tv match jobber. I would love to why they buried the IC title. I get why vince would want to kill off the US belt, it was a JCP/NWA thing. But the IC belt is a wwwf original. Two guys fighting over a title is a money feud. Or it used to be.
I honestly wonder if wants the WWE to die when he does. Are they booking this by throwing darts at a wall. Why not job Kane in the last match? Or do a no finish. Ambrose jobs? Wow.
And Cena vs Orton? Why? What is happening? This is terrible. Not to mention we're stuck with dog shit Reigns getting his big run...puke. I really want to watch a weekly professional show. I really really do. My only options are IMPACT! and this fucking show. I do still kinda watch smackdown because at least its just matches and in ring promos but its the B-show and I have to still see recaps from Raw.
If I could ask HHH and Vince one question and get a totally honest answer I think today I would want to know what the fuck there deal is with the IC belt? Why in the world would you go out of your way to destroy something that made the show more interesting and was a wwf original?
ReplyDeleteI like in the UK. We don't officially have the Network here either and I've been subscribed to it since it started. All you need is PayPal, Hola Better Internet and maybe Unblock_US if you want to watch through something like a PS3.
ReplyDeleteTJ: Watching WM23 on the network right now and I've got to say, Faith No More Guy and Vladimir get all the love but how come no one ever mentions bald hot pink windbreaker guy with glasses, and his wife neon yellow windbreaker girl?
ReplyDeleteI love that guy. He's so eccentric. He spends thousands of dollars on front row seats at WrestleMania and then expresses his enthusiasm by clapping politely.
ReplyDeleteYou don't see many golf claps at wrestling shows. He classes it up a little.
ReplyDelete"Wrestling if fake, you stupid mark, belts don't matter." - Vince Russo
ReplyDeleteI finally watched a complete, well almost complete, Raw. And nothing has changed since I left. The exact same booking and formatting they virtually use every single show.
ReplyDeleteBetter than Faith No More guy observing with a blank expression.
ReplyDeleteSign Guy is the worst and frankly is embarrassing.
ReplyDeleteAm I seriously the only one who LIKED the HHH v Shawn HIC match and would go **** on it?
ReplyDeleteOne could surprise us based on their Summerslam match, the other won't surprise us.
ReplyDeleteSign Guy seems like a dick who only cares about getting noticed.
ReplyDeleteHoly Fuck do never-ending self-indulgent HHH/Shawn matches tend to be shitty. They had one or two great ones, but it seems like the shitty ones outnumber the good ones.
ReplyDeleteI know right? He's only slightly worse than Daniel Bryan, who thinks the key to a good promo is gradually yelling every word louder and louder.
ReplyDeleteThis is the second or third week in a row that the Usos didn't get their complete entrance (the war chant has been getting cut out). Coincidentally (or not), on a recent episode of Total Divas, Naomi and the Uso she's married to were talking about how each of their teams have been doing the same ol', same ol' entrance every night for a long time. Since that talk, the Funkadactyls have broken up and the Usos have tweaked their entrance.
ReplyDeleteI think WWE creative actually does view the mid-card belt as a big deal -- such a big deal that the champion can do a lot of jobs without losing their heat, and such a big deal that the champion can get other guys over by losing non-title matches to them. It's a bad logic, but I think that's what they think.
ReplyDeleteDuring the MNF pregame show, I heard somebody going on a tangent about Brandon Marshall but I couldn't see the screen. With the words he was using and the cadence, I thought it was Ray Lewis. I finally get to see the TV and it was Tom Jackson. I don't know if that's an insult to Jackson that he's starting to sound like Ray Lewis, or a compliment to Ray that he's starting to sound more like Tom Jackson.
ReplyDeleteThat whole bit with Edge as the cameraman was just so brilliant. I'd kill to see a creative angle like that again.
ReplyDeleteI was watching Capital Punishment 1998 on the Network tonight, and it's CRAZY how over most of the roster was. They were in England so you've got that element of an appreciative crowd, but still. I mean, the crowd seemed to shake the building when Sable won her match. Austin, Rock, Undertaker ... D-X was just ridiculously over. So different from today.
ReplyDeleteAt least Orton wore a suit tonight. He looked out of place every week with HHH, Kane and Rollins wearing suits and he's wearing a t-shirt and panties.
ReplyDeleteI watched their RR 04 bout the other day, and good Christ that match is dreadful (excellent blading aside).
ReplyDeleteIndeed. It's always weird watching Orton matches against HHH et al - the ingredients for a great match are all there, but it always ends up being the shits.
ReplyDeleteWow, that's something you need to rectify stat...
ReplyDeleteBrock/Undertaker is so great. A bloody war. What Hell in a Cell was all about. Just retire it. It doesn't work in a PG setting. They hype this legacy of violence but they can't deliver it.
ReplyDeleteBut what a legacy. Some brutal matches inside the devil's duplex or whatever cute nickname they have for it now.
I think because they were supposed to respect the idea that you couldn't get out of the cage. It was meant to be the whole point of a cage. :)
ReplyDeleteGod, you know current crowds probably would have killed that gimmick out of the gate by loudly chanting ISAAC YANKEM at Kane every time he came out.
ReplyDeleteI had a good time watching this Raw. Went by quickly for me and I'm a fan that they're turning Orton face. Dean is allowed to lose a match. It wasn't the decision I would have gone with it as long as he wins in the Cell on Sunday I'm good.
ReplyDeleteNo they fucking did not.
ReplyDeleteOrton has good chemistry with Bryan i think. They have had some great matches.
ReplyDeleteWoke up feeling super fresh today! I might start missing Raw more often
ReplyDeleteThe taped, DVD-exclusive segment after the Batista/HHH match is pretty awesome. It seemed to plant seeds for a HHH face turn when he returned 3 months later, but obviously their plans changed.
ReplyDeleteShawn from about '94 till his first retirement in '98 had arguably the greatest four year stretch ever as far as number and quality of matches (there are Flair and Bret counterpoints, naturally). Also worth your time from that run are both his ladder matches with Razor, his Cell match with Taker, his King of the Ring match with Austin, his IYH '96 match with Diesel, and his title defense against Bulldog, to name but a few. I'm also a big fan of his Iron Man Match vs. Bret, but lots of people hate that one, so your mileage may vary.
ReplyDeletelol @ NetCop-era Scott for that.
ReplyDeleteThey had a good one on Raw but I didn't like their PPV matches at all.
ReplyDeletePG is NOT the problem as far as HIAC is concerned. The problem is that WWE just rolls out HIAC out at the same time every year to sell PPVs on the gimmick alone, with no concern given to whatever the story dictates. Look at the top two matches this year on buildup alone: Rollins/Ambrose? Totally justified to be in the Cell, especially after last night's tremendous segment with Mick Foley. Cena/Orton? The antithesis of justified.
ReplyDeleteEVERY single big gimmick match that gets a PPV title with MAYBE the exception of MITB needs to be put into the bank and rolled out ONLY when there's a feud or a storyline that calls for it.
But didn't they use blood during the Lesnar vs Cena matches or so? I don't know why they did water down the HIAC matches, when they use a lot of violence in other street fights.
ReplyDeletethe Havoc 91 Chamber match set the industry standard for wasted star power
ReplyDeleteit was brought up once on that panel show they do, and Dusty cracking jokes about how bad it sucked... best part was the random masked jobber that showed up from the caskets to be randomly beat on
Splain.
ReplyDelete"This match was excruciatingly boring... ***"
ReplyDeleteWhat?
That was a very effective finish as it also gave 'Taker a logical reason to move on from the Shawn feud.
ReplyDeleteAll true, altho I have a soft spot for Chamber of Horrors myself
ReplyDeleteHHH is a disconsolate, bloody mess in his locker room while Ric Flair gives him a pep talk. Batista comes in, and they shake hands, hug, and HHH says, "Now THAT'S Evolution."
ReplyDeleteYeah, that is pretty fantastic.
ReplyDeleteAm i the only guy who has never enjoyed Undertaker in a match? In my mind he has only ever served as a guy who matters for the entertainment portion of sports - entertainment and to create the big timeline moments that are replayed or have their snapshots displayed year after year. I mean how much does he actually pull of in the ring that excites anyone who isn't just cheering because they get to see something they've seen hundreds of times, in person instead of the screen.
ReplyDeleteIs WWF Shawn better than WWE Shawn???
ReplyDeleteThere's some legitimate debate about that. He's more athletic, but not quite the storyteller (still really, really good though). That's the crazy thing about Shawn, is that he basically had two totally separate HoF-level careers working two different styles, with a four-and-a-half year injury retirement in between.
ReplyDelete