It’s been a busy week and I’ve fallen behind again, which is embarrassing considering this lineup of wrestling that’s been waiting for me. Stars like Alex Wright, Madusa, and Ice Train are here this week!
TONY SCHIAVONE and “SOBER” BOBBY HEENAN are your hosts; and apparently the line was building all day at Disney to see WCW. This might in fact be true, I’ve been to Disney, and EVERYTHING has a bloody line, even that traumatizing “It’s A Small World” ride through hell.
ALEX WRIGHT vs. DEAN MALENKO
I don’t know how the ring is going to contain itself from the charisma that’s just oozing out of these guys. In fact, if any match was a threat to end with the lights going out, followed by a Lantern hologram and attack from Charles Manson, this is probably the one. Malenko hits a double underhook overhead suplex, and holds on to work the arm. That doesn’t last long before Wright starts in with the European uppercuts, followed by his transition move, the European uppercuts. A European uppercut sets up a European uppercut, and Wright gets 2. In the corner, Wright hits a European uppercut, before trying a spinning heel kick which seems silly because it’s not a European uppercut. Wright goes up for a missile dropkick, but Malenko throws the referee in the way, and when you’re talking about men who would fall unconscious at a dance club from a twerk, you know that poor Randy Eller must be on life support from that. After resuscitation, Eller somehow remembers in his pre-coma state that Malenko scumbagged him, and gives the win at Wright at 3:51. *
JIM POWERS vs. CHRIS BENOIT
Heenan points out Powers is in the best shape of his life, but I’m pretty sure Scott Hall eluded to the same thing on Nitro a couple of weeks ago. Honestly, if he was in any better shape, he’d probably explode; and then what? We’d be left with a row of Disney onlookers covered in testosterone and rock hard man-boob. NICK PATRICK referees without his neck brace. Powers runs through the type of offense that would make workers like the Renegade jealous, but it’s all for naught. A swandive changes everything, and Benoit wins at 3:28. Heenan declares the Horsemen have never had a bad member. Oy … vey. *1/2
MADUSA vs. LEILANI KAI
Tony can’t help but crow about Madusa championing the Women’s division since her arrival in WCW. Way to go Madusa, you keep wrestling that one match every 3 months. Kai isn’t in great shape here, looking less like a professional wrestler, and more like a new mom. And, to be fair, a lot of new mom’s are sexy as all hell – but I wouldn’t suggest throwing on a singlet and heading out to perform on a national wrestling stage. Madusa takes this one quickly with a schoolboy at 2:31. Kai, still hormonal, attacks Madusa after the match. AND SO IT BEGINS! 1/2*
THE ARMSTRONG BROTHERS vs. THE ROCK & ROLL EXPRESS
Holy crap a fresh match up for the R&R! And the Armstrongs are all over the heel act tonight, with Steve strutting around the ring like he’s a late 70’s Memphis champion or something. The fans are right riled up about this too for some reason, and I can dig it. Morton hiptosses both Armstrongs around for awhile, while the fans chant “ROCK AND ROLL” until they’re hoarse. Gibson starts working over the Armstrongs, but a little cheating changes everything. Scott knocks Morton off the apron, and keeps Gibson in the heel corner. What the hell is this? I don’t think I’ve seen Gibson take a beating in his life, that’s not his role. Morton gets the hot tag, and slams Armstrongs all over the place! A crossbody on Steve gets the pin at 3:41. That wasn’t at all what I expected. *1/2
DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE vs. ICE TRAIN (with Teddy Long)
This is your main event. Heenan gives us a scoop on Long; that if you walk real close behind him, his head smells like furniture polish. Train keeps DDP down in the corner, but that doesn’t stop Page from hearing the jeers of the crowd, yelling at someone “SHUT UP YOU FAT PIG!” Train wrings the arm, and a clothesline sends Page to the floor. Train is a ball of energy tonight, and the fans are digging it, as Long leads an “ICE! ICE! ICE!” chant. Page comes back with a necksnap over the top rope, and takes over the offense with some stomping in the corner. A discus clothesline gets 2. In a headlock, Train hulks up, and gets a sunset flip(!) for 2. An explosive clothesline sets up the Train Wreck, but Page kicks out! Oh god, NOW what can he do? An avalanche misses, and Page dives on top with his feet on the ropes and scores the pin at 6:37?!? A MISSED AVALANCHE??? This show, sometimes … *1/2
Next week, there’s no stopping the star power. Juvi! Konnan! Rick Steiner! Kevin Sullivan! Until then …