If there is one consistent in wrestling, you can always bank on WCW Worldwide hauling out stars that could main event ANYWHERE in the country! Like tonight, featuring Scott Norton, Dave Taylor, and the Faces of Fear. Okay, this show was kinda tailor-made for me, don’t think I’m not totally amped for that lineup.
TONY SCHIAVONE wastes no time in explaining how a 60-man battle royale works to “SOBER” BOBBY HEENAN. Are we seeing one tonight? No silly, that’s the upcoming pay-per-view. If it aired on Worldwide, it would feature the Gambler being thrown out 59 times in a row by DDP.
SCOTT NORTON vs. MIKE MARCELLO
Tony figures Norton is a favorite in the upcoming World War 3 event. I’d love to see Bodog odds on this kind of stuff. I guarantee Norton is NOT a favorite, and would probably be listed with the “field”. But perhaps that’s understating Norton’s ability. Even NICK PATRICK refuses to toy with him, as he confidently makes a 3-count following the shoulderbreaker at 3:28. For a match devoid of play-by-play, this was good. *1/2
“SQUIRE” DAVID TAYLOR (with Jeeves) vs. BOBBY EATON
We’re blowing off months of Blue Blood storylines this week. And you don’t even need to pay $29.95 for it – this is a STEAL! Eaton tries to show some kindness to Jeeves, but that’s not how we do in Britain. We throw EUROPEAN UPPERCUTS! Two of them! My god, this man is a beast! Eaton tries to shake it off, but he’ll be dealing with post traumatic stress for the rest of his life, don’t kid yourself. Eaton swings wildly and manages to connect with one of his punches which rocks the Brit, but Taylor is a fighter! He slams Eaton’s head to the buckle, and takes him outside for a good old fashion street fight on the floor. As Eaton takes a breather, Taylor parades around flashing the peace sign, smiling his broken toothed smile. Eaton rocks Taylor with a right that sends Taylor falling backwards like a cartoon character, but he comes right back with the most powerful headlock in the history of modern-day wrestling. If he’d locked that on Wilbur Snyder, we’d have a different look at a whole lot of things*. Eaton comes back with a monkey flip, but this ain’t monkey business, and Taylor flips over Eaton with a bridge for the pin at 5:18. But wait – the referee says it was Taylor’s shoulders that were down, not Eaton. What kind of malarkey is this? I won’t stand for it, and neither will Taylor, who pounds Bobby Eaton into a fine spice rub. If you’re ever perusing the locally made confectionaries in Huntsville, ask yourself what REALLY went into that Alabama Jam. **
* Beginning with Dave Taylor, for putting a long deceased skeleton in a headlock.
Elsewhere, LEE MARSHALL is with ARN ANDERSON. Arn praises Lee for being a black and white kind of a guy. Wait, Lee Marshall’s nWo? Man, they’ll take ANYONE. (If you think I’m kidding, just wait.) Arn promises if Luger ever comes at him again, he’s gonna pick something up and bash his brains out. Lee asks if Flair being hurt is affecting the Horsemen. Anderson reminds him that all the Horsemen are hurt, they expect to get hurt, but unlike Luger they don’t quit when the going gets tough.
THE FACES OF FEAR (with Jimmy Hart and Hugh Morrus) vs. CASEY THOMPSON and CLIFF SHEETS
RON THE LEPRECHAUN emerges from the pits of Doom one more time to chase a cameraman around the ring, eventually luring him to the back. Oh god, this is going to be like that Heidenreich/Michael Cole thing isn’t it? WCW has enough respect not to air the impending sexual assault, but they are rude enough to assign NICK PATRICK to this match without his neck brace. This probably isn’t going to go well for the Casey and Cliff, who going forward will be known as the C&C Music Factory. Meng powerbombs the one in blue, and bites his ear like Tyson. Well the guy probably had it coming, he probably was using illegal headbutts. Barbarian suplexes him as Meng is simultaneously coming off the top with a big splash. They don’t even bother going for the pin, because this is far too much fun. The blue guy avoids an elbowdrop, and tags in the guy in red. Tony clarifies that’s Thompson, in case you cared (and you don’t). Hugh Morrus gets in a few free shots while the Fear share a discussion with Nick Patrick. Why isn’t THAT mic’d up? Patrick suspects chicanery, and in his role as a fair official, he asks Hugh Morrus “did you touch that man?” Morrus denies it like he’s Jerry Sandusky, as the Fear hit a double flying headbutt. Cliff Sheets saves the day, but the Kick of Fear finishes matters seconds later 4:35. Hugh Morrus hits No Laughing Matter too, and all 3 Dungeon guys pile onto Thompson like an NFL defensive line. I’m totally about to over-rate the crap out of this match and I won’t apologize. ***
In the back, LEE MARSHALL brings in LEX LUGER to retort to Arn’s earlier interview. Luger says he has no idea what Anderson’s talking about, because he’s never quit in his life. He’s irritated that Arn’s obsession is happening now when WCW needs to band together, and instead of working together he’s trying to divide from within. And if Anderson wants to question his integrity, that’s fine, but he’s going to take him apart.
JUVENTUD GUERRERA vs. KONAN (in a non-title match)
I guess the Vanity title has basically been vacated at this point. Which is unfortunate, because Juvi LIVES for title shots that he’ll never win. Konan has lost an N, but he hasn’t lost his ability to bore the crap out of me. He stands on Juvi’s face in the corner, cuz I guess that’s a move. Juvi comes back with a jump kick, and follows with a springboard missile dropkick. He heads up to try a rana, but Konan drops backwards with the electric chair. Juvi gets locked in some sort of headlock, but he escapes and hits a dropkick. To the floor, Konan hits a clothesline on the floor, and on Worldwide, that’s like beating down a guy with a steel chair. RON THE LEPRECHAUN re-emerges and tries to eat the referee. Randy Eller is able to shake him off as Juvi is dumped, but with his appetite whet, Braun goes to eat Juvi. Guerrera fights him off, but re-enters the ring and gets hit with a clothesline for the pin at 5:16. And I know you probably don’t believe me because I do go off on tangents a lot, but I never exaggerate where Braun is concerned. I simply don’t have to. *
DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE vs. EDDIE GUERRERO (with Chavo Guerrero Jr.)
A pay-per-view rematch! On Worldwide! NICK PATRICK is assigned to this because he’s both the senior official, and his best friend DDP is involved. Eddie jumps DDP off the bell, and pounds the crap out of him. A pair of dropkicks send Page sprawling to the floor, and Eddie’s right behind with a slingshot plancha. Back in the ring, Eddie knocks a chain out of DDP’s hand, and hands it to Nick Patrick because he’s an idiot. Eddie works an armbar, but Page powers loose and slams him against the buckle. A gutbuster has Page feeling good, but he takes too long to cover and only gets 2. A gutwrench gutbuster has Eddie crawling to the corner for relief, but Page is right behind him with stomps. He locks on an abdominal stretch, using the ropes for leverage. I always love the exaggerated flailing that accompanies that little scumbag move. Patrick catches him on the third try and kicks his arm off the ropes, allowing Eddie to hit an armdrag. Page pops up to kick him in the head, but misses and slips on the banana peel. A dropkick gives Eddie a chance to slam Page’s head 10 times to the buckle. Page tosses Eddie outside, and Patrick issues a DQ for interference from Chavo at 6:39. Hah! Heenan refuses to queue a replay, but he’s certain Chavo got involved. *1/2
Tony signs us off without even telling us what’s on deck for next week. How am I supposed to know if I want to watch the show now? Will Jim Powers be there, or not? I’ll check it out, but I only do it for you.