Matt's Main Event Recap - 12/16/2014

We've got a couple more shows after this...let's get to it.

We are LIVE(!) from Grand Rapids, Michigan!

Byron Saxton and Michael Cole are the guys on the mics.

We start the show with Miz and Miz-dow for MizTV. Miz invites Naomi, whom he calls "a close personal friend" to the ring. Miz welcomes her to MizTV. Naomi's slightly incredulous and says that she's glad to be on Main Event but they're not friends. Miz is not happy with this as Naomi says that Miz is phony and he's all talk. Miz says that Naomi probably has tons of men promising her the world. Naomi says she's leaving because Miz doesn't have anything of worth to offer her. Miz tells her that he DOES have something: a WWE Divas Championship Match on Smackdown, an hour from now. He says he understands that she probably needs permission to compete from her husband.

This brings out Jimmy Uso with Jey in tow. Miz yells at Jimmy, telling him that he's ruining his wife's "moment". Jimmy says she needs nothing from him and to stay away from her. Miz says that he thinks she's talented and he wants to see her succeed. It's too bad Jimmy doesn't want that. Jimmy lunges out of the ring but Jey and Naomi hold him back.

TONIGHT: We're gonna recap Jericho's stint on RAW last night.

ALSO: Erick Rowan vs. Kane.

MATCH #1: The New Day (Xavier Woods & Kofi Kingston) (w/ Big E) vs. Cesaro & Tyson Kidd (w/ Natalya)

Woods shouts "New Day" and the crowd sighs. Cesaro locks up Woods who grabs Cesaro by the legs and hits a Facebuster for two. Kofi enters and he dropkicks Cesaro for a two count. Cesaro gets to Tyson and makes a tag. Kofi puts Tyson in an armbar and tags Woods. Side headlock by Tyson and Woods breaks. Woods locks Tyson from behind and there's some sloppy running back and forth before Woods hits a dropkick. Woods tags Kofi and he hits a Cross Body for two, then clotheslines Tyson from the ring. They hit a, um...Flying New Day, I guess. Kofi rolls Tyson into the ring and it's a two count. Kofi gets back in but Tyson hits an Enzuguri and tags Cesaro as we go to break.

Tyson has Kofi in a chinlock as we come back. Kofi gets to his feet but Tyson kicks him in the gut. He hangs Kofi upside down on the buckle and kicks at him. Tag to Cesaro who hits an uppercut and then puts Kofi in a Reverse Full Nelson. Kofi gets to his feet but Cesaro hits a Gut Wrench Suplex and tags in Tyson and this thing just continues on past the 7 minute mark. Tyson kicks Kofi and gets two, then applies a front facelock. They move to the corner and it's quick tags in and out by Tyson and Cesaro. They toss Kofi into the corner and go for a double team but Kofi fights out, clubbing at Cesaro. A bunch of countering and Cesaro rolls up Kofi for two, then sets up for The Swing, getting six rotations. 

Tyson comes in and dropkicks the spinning Kofi and they get two. Cesaro drops Tyson on Kofi and it's another two count. Cesaro tosses Tyson into Kofi in the corner but Kofi dumps Tyson and kicks Cesaro in the head. Kofi FINALLY makes a tag to Woods and he goes House-a-Fire on Tyson. Cesaro tries to ambush Woods but Woods hits an Enzuguri. Tyson and Woods exchange roll-ups and pins but Woods hits a Stomach Breaker and gets two thanks to a Cesaro save. Cesaro grabs Woods and both men spiral out of the ring with Cesaro getting the worst of it. Back in the ring, Woods and Kofi hit The Midnight Hour to get the win at 11:35.

WINNERS: The New Day

RATING: **1/2. The match did get better as it went along but didn't need to be near 12 minutes long.

Paige and Erick Rowan are playing chess backstage because Erick Rowan is SMART, see? Titus O'Neil shows up and Paige tells him how Rowan is a Chessmaster. Titus says that Rowan only knows checkers, not chess. Rowan removes his sheep mask and wants to play with Titus, who nervously agrees, then asks Rowan to "king him", using the King piece. Rowan lifts up the King piece and says, "CHECKMATE!"

Now, THAT'S comedy.

We get clips of Jericho's annihilation at the hands of Brock Lesnar on RAW.

STILL TO COME: Erick Rowan vs. Kane

Naomi bumps into Miz backstage. Naomi wants to apologize. Miz says that he understands. The title match is still on (because, suddenly, Miz can book title matches) but Hollywood is unforgiving -- so control Jimmy. 

MATCH #2: Emma vs. Paige

Emma dances and shoves Paige. Paige swings at Emma who ducks. Paige falls over because Emma trips her and suddenly, this is a Charlie Chaplin act. Emma dances around again and Paige has had enough. She Superkicks her and then knees her in the head. Two count. She puts Emma in a Surfboard which Emma escapes but Paige tosses her to the mat. Paige puts Emma in the corner and hits some elbows. Emma comes back with forearms before Paige kicks her in the stomach and chokes her on the middle rope. Paige spanks Emma's ass, then tries the Ram-Paige but Emma counters with a small package. Paige clotheslines Emma and yells at the crowd not to cheer for Emma. Paige stomps Emma in the corner, but Emma grabs her leg and hits lariats. Paige rushes Emma in the corner but Emma elbows her and hits the Dil-Emma on the ropes. Emma goes for the Emma Lock but Paige kicks out and hits a Superkick and PTO for the win at 4:58.

WINNER: Paige via PTO

RATING: **. Not a bad match, all told. Much better than what the Bellas put on.

NEXT: Rowan vs. Kane

Titus O'Neil is doing commentary with Cole and Saxton when we come back.

MATCH #3: Erick Rowan vs. Kane

Rowan all over Kane to start. Kane runs at Rowan who clotheslines Kane, then shoulderblocks him from the ring. Rowan rams Kane's head on the mat and crowd barrier, then tosses him into the ring. Side headlock and slam by Rowan. Two count. He goes for a back drop but Kane counters with a DDT, then kicks at Rowan. He puts Rowan in a clutch, then goes for a suplex, which Rowan reverses. Rowan rushes Kane but Kane hits a clothesline. Two count. He puts Rowan in the corner and hits a body splash. Two count. Rowan comes back punching as Cole argues about solving Rubik's Cubes and using Etch-a-Sketches with Titus. Rowan hits a lariat and clubs at Kane in the corner, then knocks Kane outside the ropes. Kane yanks Rowan's beard, then goes top rope but Rowan kicks Kane in the head and tries a Superplex. Kane counters and tosses him to the mat, then clotheslines him. Kane calls for the Chokeslam From Hell. Rowan elbows out of it and Kane uppercuts him. Rowan hits a spin kick and Kane rolls out of the ring. Rowan chases and bashes Kane's head on the announce table, spilling water all over Titus, who's pissed as hell. Back in the ring, Kane hits a Chokeslam to inexplicably win the match at 7:43. What the actual fuck?

WINNER: Kane via Chokeslam

RATING: *. Same match and another loss to Kane. Does Vince have Rowan's immediate family at gunpoint somewhere?

Titus is still pissed as we go off the air. To add insult to injury, the show actually closes out with the replay of Kane's winning Chokeslam. What a joke.

OVERALL: **, as always.

Er, that's it.