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The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW–07.29.96

The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 07.29.96

You know, for everyone complaining about how shitty these RAW shows are, they still do twice the pageviews of the Nitro reviews. #justsayin

Taped from Seattle, WA

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jerry Lawler

Sid vs. Justin Hawk Bradshaw

The crowd of course goes apeshit for Sid, and he responds by kicking the crap out of Bradshaw and absolutely squashing him dead with a chokeslam, so Bradshaw responds with the cowbell to the head for the DQ at 1:00. Sid shrugs off a double-team attempt from the heels and powerbombs Bradshaw anyway. So why not just have that be the finish? This is the same shit they're still doing today! If you wanna beat the guy, just beat him! DUD

Meanwhile, Faarooq Asaad challenges Ahmed to an IC title match at Summerslam. Unfortunately, he already ruptured Ahmed's kidney and so the match never happened. I actually recall really looking forward to seeing that one and being disappointed that it fell through. They eventually wrestled at Royal Rumble in a disappointing blowoff, didn't they?

Marc Mero vs. Vader

Vader overpowers Mero in the corner and apparently spits on him, so Mero comes back with clotheslines and a koppo kick. Vader blocks a crucifix with a samoan drop and slugs away in the corner, just beating the hell out of him. Mero fights back and hits a dive on the floor, and back in for the flying sunset flip, but Vader evades that. Mero goes up again and Vader catches him with a powerslam for the pin at 6:21. This was quite energetic and both guys looked good. Circumstances would of course work out very well for Mero soon despite the loss. ***

Jim Cornette has a face to face with Jose Lothario, and goes off on a crazed rant about how Vader is going to win the title and what a legend that Lothario is. Cornette is of course great at that sort of thing, and we cut to the back, where Shawn Michaels is watching the interview until Mankind lays him out with the Mandible Claw.

The British Bulldog vs. Henry Godwinn

The other subplot here is that Jerry Lawler will be facing Aldo Montoya next week in a rematch of a match from Superstars, because Aldo is Jake Roberts' protege and all. So many possible jokes to make there. We even get Aldo promo time! Also, BREAKING NEWS, because Sunny will be live in the WWF AOL chatroom for reasons, according to a crawl at the bottom of the screen delivering like a weather warning. Henry gets a facefirst slam for two and Bulldog bails to regroup, then comes back with the clubbing forearms before running into a boot in the corner. Bulldog goes to a chinlock while commentator Owen Hart clarifies Bret's status during his absence: He's a loser and a coward and a crybaby and a quitter, so leave him alone and get lost. So there you are. He also further clarifies that his doctor has let him know that in “a few more months” they can look at taking the cast off his wrist, which has Vince disgustedly telling him that it takes six weeks for a bone to heal. What a heartless jerk. ARE YOU A DOCTOR, VINCE MCMAHON? We take a break from this boring match for some reason and return with Owen continuing to bury his brother. Henry sets up for the slop drop, but Owen steals his bucket and Bulldog powerslams him for the pin at 9:43. I know if someone stole MY bucket of compost, I'd be upset as well. Match was crap, commentary was hilarious. 1/2*

Meanwhile, Olympic hopeful Mark Henry lifts some stuff.

Steve Austin vs. The Undertaker

Taker throws him into the corner and works the arm, and you can really start to feel Austin heating up as a character at this point. Austin makes a quick comeback and Taker no-sells for a great reaction from Austin. Taker goes old school, but Austin crotches him and chokes away to take over. He stomps a mudhole, perhaps the first one, and Lawler even coins that phrase for it! Austin drops the elbow for two and slugs away in the corner, but Taker ties him up in the ropes and beats him down again. Austin clips him, however, and works him over in the corner while we take a break. Back with Austin holding a chinlock, and he counters an UT comeback with a piledriver, but Taker does the zombie situp and crotches him on the top rope. Taker follows with a chokeslam off the top rope, but Mankind comes out for a distraction and Taker is counted out at 12:00. And Undertaker just comes right back in and tombstones Austin anyway. That's twice in one show they did the same type of screwjob finish! Decent match, as Austin was way more comfortable with his character now. **1/2

The Pulse

Nothing either offensive or impressive on this outing. Still a good crowd and the show breezed by, though.

Comments

  1. Vince after he killed the WCW Invasion: "You know, for everyone complaining about how shitty these RAW shows are, they still do twice the ratings of Nitro."

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  2. Surprised the views aren't even. Why would people read one and not the other? Anyway I enjoy the back-and-forth style of seeing what both shows were up to.

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  3. The Austin/Undertaker non-finish was needed to protect both guys as Austin was becoming the new hot thing and Undertaker was a main event guy, but yeah there's no excuse the Sid/JBL match ending that way.

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  4. It seems like Vader/Mero could have been a nice midcard feud that could have gotten both guys over.

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  5. For me, it's because I'm tired of reading about Hogan, and knowing how everything ended up turning out.

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  6. SPOILER: HBK retains at SummerSlam.

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  7. The USENET was on fire with rumors that Bradshaw beat Sid for the title with a cowbell shot to the head.

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  8. I think it's mainly because WWF is still alive and WCW isn't. We live in a age now where teenagers weren't even alive when WCW existed so there's no emotional connection for the average fan to watch.

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  9. Because fans that got into wrestling over the past 14 years don't even know what Nitro is?

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  10. People want angry Scott

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  11. Sid squashes are always awesome!

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  12. I'm not surprised Raw 1996 gets more attention. This is really kind of a forgotten year for the WWF. WCW in 1996 meanwhile, and the rise of the nWo, is one of the most replayed and discussed and reviewed years of wrestling there has ever been. There's almost nothing left to say about it.

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  13. What title? Oh, Usenet you are so confusing.

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  14. Maybe this is a bit of a random observation but Steve Austin and the Undertaker never had great in ring chemistry did they? Especially considering how many times they wrestled. I'm not trying to knock either guy but they never seemed to quite gel together.

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  15. Vader vs. Mero was a surprisingly fresh match between two guys from another company. Usually when those kind of matches happen, the two guys involved had already worked with each other at least a dozen times for that other promotion.

    But I don't believe Vader ever wrestled Johnny B. Badd before this match despite all the years they were in WCW at the same time.

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  16. Two major logic flaws with The Godwinns' gimmick: Why would they carry a bucket of excrement from arena to arena? And how did they manage to get that bucket through every airport security terminal in North America?

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  17. Underground hog farmer grapevine? Get a new batch in every town! And you could get so much more through security before 9/11.

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  18. I heard it was their own excrement and they filled the buckets themselves at the arena. True story. It was in Titan Sinking.

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  19. Not really. You would think they would have had better chemistry, given the number of times they wrestled, but eh...

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  20. I really enjoyed watching Marc Mero during this time. He was carrying RAW at times.

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  21. What a strange way to push a guy. When is the last time Mero won a match?

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  22. Outside of the Summerslam match I never got much into their matches.

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  23. It happened in Imoud.

    http://rspw.org/faq/999-funkymfuq.txt

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  24. Man, back then people would believe anything they read on the internet!

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  25. I think people want to read about Nitro for the nWo stuff but the Summer-fall 96 is an interesting time for Raw because they are slowly transitioning from the New Generation to Attitude.

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  26. It was more of a matter of wanting to believe that Bradshaw would win the title. It was a ground roots effort that took over a decade to bear fruit.

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  27. They get twice the views because people think that it is current raw reviews by Scott before realising.

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  28. Belee_Matt!_INDEED!!!June 10, 2015 at 5:55 AM

    "Sunny will be live in the WWF AOL chatroom for reasons, according to a crawl at the bottom of the screen delivering like a weather warning."


    Weather warning. Sunny. This stuff writes itself.

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  29. JBL was a future main eventer.

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  30. Ahmed and Faarooq did have their "blowoff" at the Rumble, but then they also feuded...and feuded...and feuded...and feuded....quick heel turn for Ahmed where he joins....then back to feuding and feuding and feuding...his last match with the company was against the Nation. Just never ending.

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  31. I hadn't gotten around to the 96 Summerslam yet. Jerk.

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  32. I think their best match was the one from the Raw after KOTR 99, super energetic and fast-paced match with a molten hot crowd.

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  33. These shows may suck but I'd take them over the shit they churn out now.

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  34. It's a known fact that shows where Scott is forced to entertain himself produce better recaps than ones where the wrestling is good.

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  35. Sunny will be exposing herself for $50 live in the WWF AOL chatroom!

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  36. They showed a closeup of the slop on a Raw around Summerslam 95 (or whenever Henry was feuding with the Million Dollar Corporation) and it looked like coleslaw

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  37. And they'd do Austin/Taker 3 more times on Raw over the next few months! They just loved that matchup.

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  38. I think I feel the same. I remember them having a HORRIBLE, boring, plodding first blood match at 1999 ppv. Just the shits.

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  39. Theberzerker, #1 HUSS CHOMPIONJune 10, 2015 at 8:06 AM

    "You might think that's pretty cold...STONE cold..."
    I know it wasn't during this particular show, but man am I glad they stopped making him EXPOSITION so much when he adjusted to being Stone Cold. It was really mucking up what was readily apparent to be a majorly awesome character.

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  40. Cold day in hell was decent. But they definitely had more boring matches than good ones.

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  41. Yeah, I thought the Summerslam one was kind of plodding, the one from Over The Edge 99 wasn't above decent, the one from a Raw in June 98 was decent but lacked a finish, the Fully Loaded 99 was important for historical reasons (end of the Austin/McMahon feud) but was just a brawl, and I haven't seen the one's from 2001 and 2002 (but I heard they weren't good), nor the one's from 96.
    They never really had a really great match together despite fighting so many times.

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  42. "You know, for everyone complaining about how shitty these RAW shows are, they still do twice the pageviews of the Nitro reviews. #justsayin"



    Your best and funniest work has always been reviews of shitty shows.

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  43. That's the match where Austin was basically knocked out the whole time, right?

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  44. More like Titan Stinking, am I right?

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  45. u mad at Hogan bro?

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  46. AverageJoeEverymanJune 10, 2015 at 11:41 AM

    because the match would have turned into a hate crime.

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  47. Just a crack in the floodgate, as we'd soon find in 1-2 years. (One of the few funny inside comments in the Russo WCW era was when Nash cracked on this...)

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  48. Bradshaw was an underground favorite at the time, IIRC...as he was one of the better workers in the dying days of the GWF and in other companies that went through the Sportatorium after. (Same reason why people were high on Ahmed too)

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  49. I don't remember that.

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  50. I thought the story was around the time Sunny got slopped, different wrestlers put nasty stuff in the slop bucket because they didn't like her.

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  51. Well you sure got me! Now watch it be a legit story in the second book.

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  52. I love reading stuff like this. Small windows into the past.

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  53. I just wanted to see if I could get away with it.

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  54. Ahmed in fact never got his revenge, despite feuding with Faarooq and the Nation for a year and a half.

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  55. He beat The Goon a week or two earlier in what Scoot hilariously described as "a DISASTER."

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  56. Is it me or has this guy done a ton of jobs? Has he actually beaten a non-jobber?

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  57. I think Ahmed's final match was at No Way Out Of Texas where he beat the Nation along with Shamrock and DOA so in some ways, Ahmed won that feud in the end.

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  58. I dunno, for some reason the Judgment Day 2008 rant sticks out as a great read, especially the HBK-Jericho PBP.

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  59. If that offer had been extended in 1996, it would've made the WWF more money than all of the year's PPVs combined.

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  60. I've never liked him, even as a kid

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  61. It's the one where taker leg dropped him off the top through the announce table on the HIGHWAY TO HELL.

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  62. IYH Rock Bottom. Just God awful. That and the whole ppv.

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  63. Let's not forget the shitty title match from judgement day 2001! Or the crappy Match in 2002 where flair was the guest referee in those stupid zapatos rojas. So many long crappy matches.

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  64. 1.7 Dave Scherer
    Ex-RSPW regular now well known in internet wrestling circles
    as the writer of the Daily Lariat on 1wrestling.com.

    1.7.1 Dave Scherer's dog
    That poor dog.

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  65. Owen Hart was the most high profile, in a KOTR match, and geeks like Isaac Yankem and Skip.

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