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The SmarK Rant for TNA Impact–10.18.12

The SmarK Rant for TNA Impact – 10.18.12

Live from Orlando, FL

Your hosts are Mike Tenay & Taz

So Aces & 0.8s enter the arena to start, as Dixie Carter has apparently presented them with the key to the show, perhaps on a little personalized keychain with a different color key cover for each of them. The Aces head down to the ring while the mysterious leader toasts Devon on the big screen. Devon himself joins us as the crowd chants “You sold out.” By staying with TNA instead of going to WWE? That’s a terrible way to sell out. Devon gives a big thanks to the mysterious leader for “patching him in” and reveals that he’s doing this because Bully Ray turned on him two years ago. This brings out the babyface brigade and the brawl is on. Hogan comes out with his bat and we take a break. Back with Hogan challenging Devon on behalf of Sting for the main event tonight.

Meanwhile, Joseph Park returns from his kidnapping ordeal and needs to talk to Hogan alone. Perhaps about representing him in a sex tape lawsuit?

TV title: Samoa Joe v. Robbie E

This one doesn’t seem likely to last long. Joe quickly gets the corner elbow and head kick, and a kneedrop gets two. Rob Terry trips him up to stop the muscle buster, so Joe hits him with a dive and then resumes kicking Robbie’s ass. Another muscle buster and the choke ends the slaughter at 2:37. Rob T gets more of the same as well. *

Tara v. ODB

Taz fawning over Jessie Godderz is pretty funny. Also, ODB on the phone yelling at Eric Young while doing her entrance is pretty funny. ODB beats on Tara and gets a powerslam, then stops to rub Jessie’s face in her boobage. This allows Tara to attack her and take over using her JEALOUS CHICK RAGE and take her down by the hair a couple of times. However, ODB finds the flask of power and finishes with the Bam at 3:07. Yeah, this was pretty terrible. DUD

Hernandez & Chavo Guerrero v. Kid Kash & Gunner

Kash gets double-teamed in the corner and Hernandez kills him with an overhead suplex, but Gunner comes in, and also gets destroyed. A cheapshot on Chavo allows Kash to get some shots on him and they have an awkward sequence before the heels stomp him down in the corner. And they just keep doing that, apparently not much for variety. Chavo finally hits an enzuigiri on Kash and it’s hot tag Hernandez, who quickly pounces Kash and Chavo finishes with a high cross at 4:46. Pretty dull stuff. **

Meanwhile, Bully appeals to Hogan and wants to face Devon tonight instead of Sting. Hogan notes that he should concentrate on next week instead because he’s one of four people who might get a title shot at Hardy. Well that hardly seems like a fair tradeoff. He can’t wrestle tonight because he needs to wait for a 25% shot at having a match next week? THAT DOESN’T EVEN MAKE SENSE!

Jeff Hardy joins us and FUCK ME he’s got his stupid vanity belt back again. There’s still some booing left over from Phoenix here. Thankfully, Austin Aries interrupts his celebration, and he brings COOKIES. And balloons. Jeff RUDELY slaps away the cookies, so Aries mocks his ugly belt and spits on it. I feel the same way. This upsets Jeff enough that he attacks, but Aries escapes. Kind of a douchey champion – he’ only been champion for four days and he’s already got his own belt? And he attacks Aries after he brought out freshly baked cookies? That’s not the kind of person I want representing MY world.

Christopher Daniels v. AJ Styles v. Kurt Angle

Winner of this gets entered into the running for Hardy’s title defense next week. That hardly seems like a worthy payoff. You win this and you MIGHT get a title shot, if Hogan decides that you do. Angle and AJ get rid of Daniels, but Angle fires off suplexes on both guys. Styles comes back with a head kick to put Angle down, but the Styles Clash is reversed into the anklelock. Daniels breaks it up and gets rid of Angle, then hits Styles with the STO for two. Neckbreaker gets two. Daniels with a chinlock, but AJ fights out and hits Angle with a springboard forearm for two. Daniels powerbombs AJ for two. Angle suplexes Daniels, but walks into the Pele kick. AJ dumps Daniels and then hits him with a quebrada, and Angle finishes Daniels with the Angle Slam at 6:51. Crowd wasn’t really into this. **1/2

Meanwhile, Hogan wants to know what’s up with Matt Morgan. Matt promises to shove things up Hogan’s ass, and Hulk appears pleased to hear it. That doesn’t really help his sex tape case.

James Storm , wearing a nice suit jacket for once, is out to let us know that he wants to drink some beer and win the World title back again. And then Bobby Roode interrupts. Although Storm beat him, he’ll always have to know that Roode carried him through his career, so Storm superkicks him. Are they seriously still keeping this thing going?

Sting v. Devon

Devon attacks and pounds away, but Sting puts him down with an elbow and then misses the Stinger splash. He keeps coming and stomps Devon down, and man that bald spot is getting more obvious than Shawn Michaels’ even. Sting tosses him and we take a break. Back with Devon in control, and he drops a headbutt for two. Chinlock, but Sting makes the comeback and gets the Scorpion Deathlock, but here’s the Aces for the beatdown DQ at 10:52. Quite the shitty match with a shit finish. ¼* The babyfaces run out for another brawl to end the show. THIS SUCKED. It’s been over three months now, something needs to happen with this storyline already. They’ve got such a hard on for keeping it going despite it never getting over and yet NOTHING EVER HAPPENS. We’re back to exactly where we started again, except we know one of the guys is Devon.

The Pulse

What a BORING show, especially for the one following their biggest PPV of the year. Nothing progressed here, the wrestling was heatless, and the World title match selection process for next week is just ridiculous. One guy has to win a three way but the other three are randomly there already?

Get your shit together, TNA, this was not a good show.

Comments

  1. Welcome to Bizarro World! CM Punk asks for respect for a year-long title reign and Austin Aries brings out freshly-baked cookies and these guys are the HEELS!

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  2. No kidding. And Aries came out to CONGRATULATE the guy! It actually made me angry as a viewer because Hardy was such a dickhead and we're supposed to be cheering him. It's not even like my usual overblown sarcasm, they legitimately made Hardy look like a douche there and I couldn't even believe they were so stupid as to think people would boo Aries for it.

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  3. Dude, you killed it with this rant. Between this and the Blog Draws from last night you got quite a streak going here.

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  4. Gotta love Hogan's ego. Instead of guys killing themselves to earn a title shot, they're killing themselves to get the chance to speak to the almighty Hulk Hogan. And if the immortal Hulk Hogan decides to lower himself to speak to these geeks, THEN they get the title shot.

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  5. The real question is. Why doesn't Jeff Hardy like cookies?


    I feel before we hate on the Charisma Enigma and deem him good or bad we must know why he has such an aversion to cookies. Does he hate all baked goods? Is he at a genetic risk for diabetes? Were his parents murdered by a Keebler elves? What's the story?


    Once I am privy to this information,then and only then, will I make an assessment on his character.

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  6. I liked the RANT, but I PREFER more WORDS with all CAPS in the MIDDLE of the sentence FOR EMPHASIS.

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  7. Given Hardy's history and probation details, I wouldn't eat cookies baked by my enemy either. I'm just saying.

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  8. Poor naive, trusting Brandon Robles...

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  9. Is there a problem with that?

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  10. That's actually not the Immortal version of the World Title. Its a recolored version of that belt. I wanted Hardy to be the leader of the Aces and Eights.

    There are actually good reasons for James Storm and Bully Ray to get an automatic spot in Championship Thursday. James Storm was the points leader in the BFG Series and only lost his match because of Bobby Roode (and I took the Roode segment tonight as being more of an end to their feud than a continuation). Bully Ray pinned both Jeff Hardy and Austin Aries last month. Mr. Anderson is in there because he's one of Hogan's favorites, so he's getting favoritism from Hogan. Aries isn't included because he already has a rematch clause whenever he wants it and it seems like they're going to hold off on his next title match for now.

    Angle actually has a good case for a World Title shot, just like Storm and Bully. He never got his rematch for the World Title after losing it last year (like Winter's rematch for the Knockouts Title, it was forgotten by the new booking regime).

    I hope they reveal other Aces and Eights members besides Devon soon because Devon can't work a long match without boring pretty much everybody. Sting was probably the worst possible opponent for Devon because Sting needs to be carried by his opponent these days. That match really should have been around 3 minutes or so before the Aces and Eights run-in to end it, if TNA had to book that match.

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  11. I just figured that someone might have spoken up about the caps thing 20 years or so ago if it was an issue. Had I known...

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  12. Just checked out Impact, wow that Hardy belt is almost as bad as the previous version he had, slightly less Diva like, so I suppose it is a mild step up. As long as this all leads to Aries getting his World title back in a couple of months then I'm okay with Hardy holding it I suppose.. even though it doesn't seem like anything more than a vanity reign for him just to make sure he re signed with the company.


    Aries is hot property and deserved a longer run, but if he gets it back eventually I'd like to see a full on board run with killer matches against the likes of AJ, Angle, Storm and Joe. I'd also like TNA to go back to putting on quality matches with logical booking with less nonsense interms of storylines, that was part of the reason the show over the last 6 months has been brilliant, unfortunately they seem to be going backwards judging by the past few weeks.

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  13. I love how you make it seem like it's an "issue." Did I say it was? No. It's just really noticeable and amusing.

    Jeez.

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  14. DO YOU SEE?!?!

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  15. So they changed their mind on Devon being the leader? Well good but on their website the night of BFG they did say "Devon was revealed as being behind it *all*"(paraphrased)

    But I can't really hate on this show. Great wrestlers up and down the card fighting for titles(except Ken Anderson, give up on this guy he can't wrestle for shit. But he won a Money in the Bank match in WWE so he gets an endless push. Make him someones manager, or the ring announcer).

    I hope we get Aries/Hardy in Ultimate X or somethin where Aries wins the belt back, smashes up that Hardy belt and wears in around to gloat bout smashing up Hardy. Then as someone said he can get a real dominant run beating all the top TNA champions: Angle, Sting and AJ...and somehow we gotta work towards James Storm being the star here

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  16. Perhaps it doesn't help his girlish figure. And he does have a girlish figure.

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  17. "he’s only been champion for four days and he’s already got his own belt?"

    Meanwhile, Punk has been promising a new WWE Title belt for over 15 months now and we're STILL waiting!

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  18. This isn't TNA's first cookie related angle; Abyss brought a tray of them to WWE when they filmed a commercial across the lot from the Impact Zone in 2004 (this was during the Fox Sports era of Impact when Dusty Rhodes was booking)

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  19. They are really putting the hard sell on Hardy as Champion. The belt he has now is a modified version that lights up and flashes to music..


    http://topropebelts.com/gallery/career-legacy-belts/jeff-hardy-noir-legacy-belt/



    But seriously they NEED a new TV Title.

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  20. They're obviously setting up Hardy / Debra McMichael as a top feud.

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  21. Yeah the Storm-Roode thing definitely seemed like an exclamation point rather than a comma. Hogan already mentioned Storm is in the title race starting next week. I just wonder where Roode goes, besides hopefully leader of Aces & 8s.

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  22. Perhaps he has a wheat allergy. Speaking from experience, man those are 'fun'.

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  23. Maybe he should have brought brownies?

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  24. I think you missed the sarcasm there.

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  25. Originally had a response to someone, but forgot it while I switched to Chrome to respond. I do think Jeff sounded really douchy here and Aries sympathetic, and I think they never should have had Hardy beat Aries for the title. Very counter-productive. And I loved Scott's comment about Hogan hiring Joseph Park as his lawyer.

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  26. Haven't seen impact yet, but based on what Scott said about Hardy/Aries it looks like TNA can't resist it's kneejerk temptation of doing exactly what WWE is doing. sigh

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  27. Christopher HirschOctober 19, 2012 at 9:35 AM

    Glad to see things are back to normal.

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  28. He was never the leader.

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  29. I know a lot of people don't like hardy, but ares was certainly not sympathetic in that situation. Everybody could tell ares was being sarcastic. It wasn't like a post match rock promo where he puts over his opponent. He let the balloons go!

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  30. Maybe if Hardy would have eaten some of those delicious cookies, he would have had the energy to grab them in time.

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  31. No work, here, my buddy Jesse designed the belt. I like it. But hey, I would like to point out that 'vanity titles' are actually a good idea. I mean, people you dislike coming out with their own belts -- dude, instant heat.

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  32. Well, I did manage to watch the whole show without wanting to change the channel, but it definitely wasn't one of their better ones.


    The good: Joe kills two someones for the price of one. Aries reminds me why he shouldn't have been turned so soon. Storm seems to be moving away from Roode. Or at least trying.
    The bad: Anything Jeff Hardy related (And another hearty FUCK YOU to whoever designed that abomination posing as Hardy's title belt). Roode doesn't know when to go away. Jeff Hardy's a whiny bitch. Sting-Devon seemed quite uninspired. Jeff Hardy's still wrestling. (yeah, just wanted to make sure that point was clear)


    It kinda feels like management's stuck in "What now?" mode... they can get away with it this one week, but another week or two will lose a lot of the positive they've gotten up to this point.

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  33. Has there been any backstage gossip on exactly why Devon is getting this push? Work or not, when word was his contact had expired nobody was overly upset about it. What else is there to do with Devon Dudley? Make him the face of the top storyline/heel group, apparently. This would be comparable to what? The nWo's third man being Brain Knobbs? The Corporate Ministry's Higher Power being Hawk?

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  34. I'm not a big sweet/sugar food kind of guy. I avoided it for years and just don't get cravings for it. But I was home for a visit one time and my mother had chocolate chip cookies. I had a couple, nothing crazy. Then I woke up in the middle of the night wanting nothing more than a big glass of milk and a cookie. And again the next night. Fast forward to today, I regularly wake up in the middle of the night desperately needing a cookie. If I don't have a cookie I'll eat anything chocolatey, or sweet - I once took a chunk of chocolate cheese cake that was probably a year old and are peanut butter from the jar. I can't go back to sleep until I get my fix.

    So, if that can happen to me, given his tendency of addiction, Hardy should just stay away from cookies.

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  35. Here's my problem with Hardy. He's a convicted felon; he had 2 strikes against him in the WWE wellness program; and he was so wasted last year that he wasn't able to perform in a PPV main event. I'm all for giving guys second chances, but this guy has had a million of them, so they can say "oh, he's changed" all they want, but he's only changed until he does something stupid again. Maybe he truly has changed, but they should play that part of his character up to get the skeptics to actually believe that he is a new man, because I view it as a company that's put their world title on a guy who could be back in jail after one false move.

    And I agree with Scott that the Aces & 8's needs to have something happen... for the love of Jeebus, they just had their biggest PPV of the year and everything's pretty much the same with that angle besides D'Von being behind it (you know, the guy who was TV champ forever and wrestling in the 2nd match on PPVs for the last 12 months). They should've at least teased tonight that more reveals are coming, mention that someone else is still pulling the strings, or just have D'Von introduce the guys like Gallows and Knox, have them unmask themselves so it's not that much of a letdown that people won't recognize these guys when they unmask. If I have to sit through 12 minute main events with run-in DQ nWo-style finishes every week, this show will be coming off my DVR as fast as it went on this spring.

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  36. He went for everything, he got nothing.

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