The SmarK RAW Rant – 04.22.13
Don’t forget that you can now read my entire 2012 RAW rant archive via Kindle: http://www.amazon.com/Scotts-Blog-Doom-Presents-ebook/dp/B00CF4445G/ref=sr_1_4?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1366696264&sr=1-4&keywords=scott%27s+blog+of+doom Only $2.99 for literally MINUTES of reading entertainment!
Taped from London, England.
Your hosts are Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler and JBL.
Paul Heyman starts us out, and he’s sad to report that HHH is not here to answer Brock’s challenge for the match no one cares about. But wait, it was a SWERVE, and HHH is here after all, and he Pedigrees Heyman. I really wish they would have just done SOMETHING else with Brock besides a third match with HHH.
R-Truth v. Antonio Cesaro
Truth is back to the indecipherable rapping, which Cesaro counters with a yodel. This yodeling deal has got to go. Cesaro attacks and pounds Truth with forearms and a short clothesline and the crowd does the “Ole” singalong while Cesaro double-stomps Truth for two. Truth comes back with the front suplex for two and a spinkick to finish at 2:15. Whatever Cesaro did to Vince McMahon, hopefully he’s learned his lesson. *
Meanwhile, a helicopter delivers the Shield.
Brodus Clay v. Damien Sandow
Kudos to the guy with the Sandow costume. Now that’s dedication. Clay pounds on Sandow and drops an elbow for two, but Sandow takes him down with an Edge-O-Matic and throws some knees to set up the ELBOW OF DISDAIN. That gets two. Brodus goes after Cody and Sandow rolls him up for the pin at 3:24. Yay, my favorite finish. ½*
Meanwhile, AJ and Dolph have special kissy time, which sends a disgusted Big E elsewhere. Vickie announces that if Jericho can beat Dolph tonight, he’ll also get added to the World title match at the PPV.
Dolph Ziggler v. Chris Jericho
Jericho controls with a headlock on the mat, so Ziggler bails for some advice from AJ. Jericho hits him with a baseball slide and we take a break. Back with Ziggler hitting a neckbreaker while the bored fans do some Fandangoing. Back with Ziggler dropping an elbow and dumping Jericho, and back in for two. He showboats too much and Jericho gets a backslide for two, but Ziggler goes to the chinlock. Jericho breaks free of that and makes the comeback with what appears to be a flying Tatanka chop. Ziggler escapes the Walls, but Jericho gets the enzuigiri for two. Bulldog sets up the Lionsault, but Big E nails Jericho to stop that, and Dolph gets two. Ziggler takes Jericho down in the corner on an UGLY spot and gets two, and then goes to the sleeper as this thing drags ON and ON. Ziggler with a DDT and now the crowd is doing the wave. END THIS BORING MATCH. Jericho misses the Lionsault and Ziggler gets the fameasser for two. He goes up and Jericho brings him down with a superplex for two. Codebreaker gets two. He gets rid of Big E and puts Dolph in the Walls, and this results in Fandango’s music playing. And of course, Jericho gets so distracted that Dolph hits the Zig Zag for the pin at 20:00. They gave them 20 minutes for THAT stupid fucking finish? *1/2
Meanwhile, Mick Foley plugs his new DVD.
Tensai v. Cody Rhodes
Cody gets a couple of shots in, but gets caught in a delayed butterfly suplex that gets two. Cody comes back with a neckbreaker for two and a front facelock, and the disaster kick gets two. Tensai comes back with the rolling senton and a regular senton finishes. Because, you know, 50/50 booking where if one member of the team wins, the other has to lose. Because that’s how you make money.
Meanwhile, Daniel is concerned about talking strategy when Undertaker isn’t here yet. Unfortunately for him, the Shield are there and lay out the tag champs.
Big E Langston v. Zack Ryder
Langston with clotheslines to destroy Ryder, and the Big Ending finishes at 1:43. Just a squash.
Undertaker, Kane & Daniel Bryan v. The Shield
It’s a pier-six brawl to start, and we take a break and start the match properly. Bryan pounds on Ambrose with kicks in the corner to start as the crowd is finally able to get into something, and Kane gets a seated dropkick for two. Over to Undertaker, who goes old school on Ambrose but gets cut off. A second try works and gets two. Reigns comes in and gets caught in the babyface corner, where Bryan dropkicks him for two. Kane drops an elbow for two and goes to the chinlock, but Reigns comes back with a clothesline for two. Rollins with a dropkick for two. Reigns hits the chinlock and Kane escapes with a suplex, and then fights off Rollins to bring Bryan in. He hits the kicks as Rollins sells like a ragdoll physics demo, and that gets two. Bryan backdrops him to the floor and BOUNCES him off the railing with a suicide dive in an awesome looking spot. Back in, missile dropkick hits, but a charge misses and we take a break. Back with Bryan getting the heat as Rollins gets his revenge. He stops to taunt Undertaker, which isn’t a generally smart idea. Ambrose beats on Bryan in the corner and drops an elbow for two, and into the double-team bow-and-arrow spot for two. Reigns comes in and misses a charge, and it’s HOT tag Undertaker. He beats the shit out of the Shield and destroys Ambrose with the big boot and legdrop for two. Reigns cuts him off with a spear for two, however. Rollins slugs away, but Taker clotheslines him for two. Kane with a sideslam and he goes up for the clothesline, but Rollins escapes the chokeslam and Ambrose comes in…and walks into a chokeslam. Whoops. Bryan goes up and it’s BONZO GONZO, as Bryan misses the headbutt and Ambrose pins him at 19:47. That’s exactly how it should have went. Undertaker got some revenge, but his team still lost in the end. ****
That would have been a hell of a way to wrap up a two-hour show…but there’s still another hour left. Fuck.
Fandango v. WILLIAM REGAL
Well, Regal’s starting to look his age. He gets some shots in, but Fandango beats on him in the corner and hits a high kick from the apron. Downward spiral finishes at 1:37. Really now, why trot out Regal just to get destroyed like that? Jericho returns and tosses Fandango off the ramp, then steals his dancer, the worst thing one human being can do to another in the world of Dancing With The Stars.
DIVAS BATTLE ROYALE
Now this is what the show has been lacking. Apparently the Bella victory last week has been overturned due to the cheating, so now this is for the #1 contendership. This is a packed field, with FIVE whole competitors. Layla puts Aksana out through the middle but I guess that counts because it ends it faster. Tamina pulls Naomi out as I wonder where Cameron is. Layla valiantly puts Tamina out while AJ has been playing dead for the entire match after a Tamina superkick. Layla drags her to the ropes, but AJ recovers and tosses her at 3:30 to win the grueling match. Man, and here all those people who were buying Extreme Rules for Nikki Bella v. Kaitlyn got their hopes up for NOTHING. When Cole says someone is in the title hunt, that’s a sacred bond between commentator and fan!
Mick Foley comes out to confront Ryback, because he didn’t need charts and graphs in his day! Don’t tell that to Daniel Bryan, he was totally into them earlier tonight. Bless his heart, Mick does his best here trying to get people to give a crap about this Cena-Ryback program. Ryback gives a Warrior-rific promo, using words like “results oriented” and “archaic” and “Super Cena” as things get HEATED and a tussle is teased. Luckily, Super Cena is there to prevent anything interesting from happening. So then the Shield returns and Cena’s all “ha ha, I’m gonna leave you to get attacked, sucka!” but then he’s all “Nah, just kidding, I’m gonna save you and beat all three top heels by myself anyway.” So with the Shield running away from the awesome power of Super Cena after previously BEATING THE UNDERTAKER, Cena finishes off the night by hitting Ryback with the FU.
The Pulse:
So yeah, I kind of hated this show, but holy shit was that a great tag team match.
The genius of Heyman demanding a steel-cage match is that every one of Brock's defeats have come at the hand of the ring-steps: Cena FU'd him on the steps and pinned him and Brock DDT'd himself on the steps trying to escape from HHH's Super MMA Kimura, leading to the Sledgehammer and Pedigree. In a steel cage,
ReplyDeleteMichael Cole dancing during R-Truth's entrance made me realize: he's a rodeo clown whose job is to save an awful show by distracting the audience with such douchebaggery and ridiculousness, in the hopes that the home viewer will spend 3 hours hating him instead of what the creative team came up with.
ReplyDeleteYou know Scott was bored with this rant, because we weren't reminded once that Tamina is the daughter of Hall of Famer Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka.
ReplyDeleteAlso, did you know that Tamina is the daughter of Hall of Famer Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka?
Cesaro's new yodel gimmick makes me feel uncomfortable and ashamed. Good thing they didn't play up the Rugby gimmick and give the fans something they wanted to see. No, terrible yodeling is a much better return for their financial commitment.
ReplyDeleteGiven that WWE seemed thrilled with the crowd doing the wave, I hate to bring to their attention that the wave is something that a bored crowd does to entertain itself (which is why
ReplyDelete"Steps! My only weakness!"
ReplyDeleteI know these UK shows usually suck because of wrestlers always half-assing their performances when they go overseas [except for the great 6-man tag, but boy was Dolph vs. Jericho the very definition of two guys "phoning it in". They had a match on Smackdown a week ago with almost the same finish their match tonight had, but their Smackdown match was much better due to both guys putting in the effort. Tonight on the other hand was both guys working "WCW Main Event" style.], but it's depressing when not even JBL's commentary can save a show anymore.
ReplyDeleteAnd you gotta love the writers randomly resurrecting the AJ/Kaitlyn feud a month after they killed it for nothing resembling a reason, as if anyone on the planet was clamoring for a payoff to that shitty feud.
Why not resurrect that whole "Mason Ryan hanging out with The Prime Time Players for no reason" angle while you're at it? Or just book Zack Ryder getting his revenge on Jack Swagger, we've waited over a year for that blowoff.
Holy push-off CP3.....now that I got that out of my system.
ReplyDelete-Does WWE hate money? Why couldn't they have held off on Shield/BoD and Bryan for 3 more weeks at Extreme Rules? They could of made up some(if not all) of the difference they aren't gonna reach for WM.
-Regal is the British Zack Ryder. Gets strutted out in front of his hometown to get jobbed.
-Nice to see WWE is using the tactic of using Mick Foley to get feud over rather than book worth a damn. Piper was busy I take it.
At least Ryback/Cena is something different at the top of the card, seems like all those pretaped Ryback promo's are starting to pay off....
ReplyDeleteI think things popping up from through the mat is one of the signs that Vince Russo is back on the creative team.
ReplyDeleteThat sounds like something I would have heard before now. At least once.
ReplyDeleteAnd did you know that WWE Hall Of Famer "Superfly" Jimmy Snuka is sometimes too drunk to remember that he has a daughter named Tamina?
ReplyDeleteYou know, Tamina Snuka, daughter of WWE Hall Of Famer "Superfly" Jimmy Snuka?
Hmmm, John Cena vs. somebody whose big match record is a whopping 0-7?
ReplyDeleteLooks like they're rehashing his 2010 feud with Nexus.
What will it take to get Scott to call that move the Attitude Adjustment?
ReplyDeleteDid TLC make a ton of money of that match with 5 of those 6 characters in it?
ReplyDeleteSounds like some compelling stories were told.
ReplyDeleteFunny little story:
ReplyDeleteIn high school, some friends and I played a home brewed tabletop wrestling RPG. To get extra experience, you could give your wrestler Drawbacks, which included phobias. Most times, they were ridiculous and never came into play, but one of my friends had a Phobia: Stairs.
So during a match, I whipped him into the stairs. He freaked out, ran away, and got counted out.
Later in the evening, someone else was cutting an interview when it was interrupted with my friend running and shrieking in the background. A mentally handicapped wrestler (like Eugene, only a monster-style wrestler) chased after him, carrying the steps shouting, "He doesn't like it! He doesn't like it!"
TLC didn't have Brock or Undertaker though.
ReplyDeleteIt'll take somebody to adjust his attitude.
ReplyDelete"Steps! My only weakness!"
ReplyDeleteJust like Professor X.
He's the hero the WWE Universe deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we'll hate him. Because he can take it.
ReplyDeleteConsidering the circus shot angle he banked that on and made it look easy, I'd say he deserves the non-call there.
ReplyDeleteMaybe he's just saying F-U to the name. Or the show.
ReplyDeleteChris Jericho was distracted by the music of Fandango. I had to type that to fucking believe it.
ReplyDeleteWrestlemania did though, and everyone is saying its buyrate was disappointing.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't be surprised if that was a "I'm trying to get myself fired" move on Cesaro's part.
ReplyDeleteBrock will rip a hole in the cage to get to the steps that will allow him to lose.
ReplyDeleteabout 4 care bears and their cousins to do a continuous stare at his fingertips.
ReplyDeleteIt's different except they did the exact same Foley thing with Punk. Hell, really Ryback is pretty close to heel Punk. All we need is him to start bashing the local sports team and it'll be gold!
ReplyDeleteI think Ryback is 'done' after this PPV. He's jobbed so much and taken so many beat downs I'm not sure he is recoverable at this point. Maybe a depush could work for him in the long-term, let him build natural momentum rather than WWE forcing him down our throats. Oh yeah apart from the tag match, AWFUL show.
ReplyDeleteYou know, when they were doing the reading PSA, they said Ryback read one book a month... I had a good laugh at that. But he's definitely proved me wrong busting out SAT words like "archaic". He's not just an unstable juicehead, he's an intellectual unstable juicehead.
ReplyDeleteIt was cool when the Jersey crowd took control of the show, since it was coming off of WM weekend and the crowd was one giant melting pot. When the London crowd tried to do it, all it looked like was them trying to cash in and be "cool" like everyone else.
ReplyDeleteWhen you have to chant "we are awesome," you're probably not. That's like giving yourself a nickname or being the Fuj.
It was the same crowd. That "Jersey" crowd as as Jersey as Kentucky.
ReplyDeleteIn 2013 win/loss records obviously do not matter as any non WWE World Champ almost never seem to successfully defend titles and it seems like the more you lose, the better chance you are going to win a title.....
ReplyDeleteOH TAG!!!
ReplyDeleteFoley tries but his act is getting kind of tired, I did like the emotion displayed by Ryback tonight and while he might come off the same way as Punk with the whining, like Punk he also has some great points for why he is going down the road he is....
ReplyDelete"I really wish they would have just done SOMETHING else with Brock besides a third match with HHH."
ReplyDeleteSo does everyone else but a 3rd match with HHH is like a family joke you've used. "It's like sex with Kobe Bryant. You can kick and scream all you want, but it’s gonna happen whether you want it or not."
Separation was created on multiple occasions, and at least once momentum was built, and of course AJ is now in the title hunt, by winning a #1 contender's battle royale on the longest running weekly episodic television program in history.
ReplyDeleteAs much as none of the smarks wanted it, WWE missed their chance with Ryback by not deviating from the plan and letting him beat Punk...
ReplyDelete... a win over Cena would get a pop but Im not even sure that can salvage this guy right now...
I think you meant Family Guy joke, which is FAR less disturbing.
ReplyDeleteWhile that is true, ER is a completely different AND FRESH show compared to WM.
ReplyDeletePlus it's cheaper.
You should of just said it's because he's a superstar.
ReplyDeleteWhatever, the Grizzlies are probably done anyways.
That's why edit is a thing, so you don't look like a prick for simply forgetting to put a word in because it's 2 AM in the morning. ;)
ReplyDeleteProfessor X is dead.
ReplyDeleteNothing, because that name is just stupid. "FU" was at least clever.
ReplyDeleteOr trying to get over by name-dropping The Fuj in your posts.
ReplyDeleteCould somebody tell me whats the point of HHH/Brock III?
ReplyDeleteHHH came back, facing retirement and beat Brock with a Pedigree on the dreaded stairs... He proved his point.
Why the third match?
Here's my questions?
ReplyDeleteWhere you gonna pay for it if they held off for 3 weeks?
Did you pay for WM?
Who said that, Brock or Stephen Hawkings?
ReplyDeleteYo, Triple H! I didn't hear no bell!
ReplyDeleteLoad in the eye!
ReplyDeleteOh TAG!
ReplyDelete...I don't ge- waitaminute, "Fuck You"? Oh my goodness.
ReplyDeleteAt first I thought the AA was the "Arn Anderson", or the Alcoholics Anonymous.
Cesaro must have declined a Triple H workout invitation. The only explanation I can think of for this burial.
ReplyDeleteFor those that weren't around in 2003, Cena's "FU" name was doubly clever, because it WAS a "Fuck You", which fit perfectly with his Thuganomics character, but it was also a play on Brock's F5. The FU name, in fact, was first introduced for Cena's first feud with Brock, when he turned the jobberiffic and goofy Vanilla Ice gimmick into the main event, harder-edged Thuganomics character.
ReplyDeleteMeanwhile, Attitude Adjustment means...nothing. It's just two words that start with "A".
So it's kind of like failing upwards, right?
ReplyDeleteThere are about seven people left in the world that remember that the FU was a play on the F5. And none of them work for WWE.
ReplyDeleteYou know why the show dragged?
ReplyDeleteNo Punk.
This is going to be a LONG summer.
Im hoping so that Brock fucjs him up and gets some of his heat back.. Key word hope. But we r talking bout the same hhh that just had to go over punk in 11 when punk was at his hottest, so ya never know....
ReplyDeleteIt could of been a crowd from the region known as Jersey in the UK?
ReplyDeleteyou see those those traps?!
ReplyDeleteHe doesnt need to accept a HHH invite... it should be the other way around.
BELIEVE IN THE BUCKS!!!
ReplyDeletelol this is the only thing I could think of reading your post.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GrBbaS45FLY
I dont think he is "done" but he is a choke artist.
ReplyDeleteBut thats their fault for rushing him to the Main event without pulling the trigger then, completely leaving him out of the WM build.
Obviously he is not a star.
No idea what's going on with Cesaro. He was my favorite wrestler for a while there, and now he's jobbing and yodeling. I kind of just want WWE to just release him so he can get away from that garbage. He's so much better than this.
ReplyDeleteThe point is that Triple H needs some extra cash to fill out his mancave on Air McMahon Two.
ReplyDeleteMan... I have no clue whats going on in their heads these days.
ReplyDeleteBrock runs roughshod over the roster. Somebody comes back for revenge.
Its not hard.
Im tired of them attempting to hit the NES reset button... The light keeps blinking.
I didn't catch the Brock feud initially, but FU is a great name because it slips through any censorship and the announcers had to say it every time it happened.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I was watching some clips of Cena circa '03, and I guess I had forgotten what made me like him so much in the first place. I'm not getting into the fact that he should be turned now, but he was a GREAT HEEL. People hated his guts and he showed disdain for them and did things to spite them. It's a shame I can't stand him now, because he's a multifaceted, talented guy who has a tremendous work ethic and physicality. I won't be surprised in the least if he's wrestling for another 20 years.
Hey Jef Vinson,
ReplyDeleteYou know how from time to time bring up that one night Euro-tourney?
Well being in the UK it would have worked, but it seems like they jobbed every last European wrestler they had.
they even brought Regal out of storage and jobbed him... this company is retarded.
...You were doing what in high school?
ReplyDeleteI remember that move was called the Throwback for about a week when he returned in November 2008. Why didn't they just keep that name? At least it was a good name and somewhat clever considering this was the same time that he had the AWA parody shirt [his best post-PG shirt by a country mile].
ReplyDeleteOne minor complaint (instead of numerous, larger ones that are justified):
ReplyDeleteIf you're in England, you have Damien Sandow wrestle William Regal. It's America's asshole snob vs. England's, who wrestle a similar (using that term loosely) style to boot.
And this way, you can have Brodus Clay vs. Fandango, who both can dance... oh wait, I guess this is WWE's next big MONEY FEUD~! and they're saving it.
Oh, brother.
We talked about this. They don't care.
ReplyDeleteCreative are like Ned Flanders' parents:
"We've tried nuthin', and we're all out of ideas!"
At that point they had a big money Rock/Punk match to build to. There was no time for Ryback.
ReplyDeleteInstead of pushing him into that no win situation, you protect your talent. Wrestling is fake after all, they don't have to give him a title shot. Goldberg did nothing but squash guys for almost a year before he was in the main event. It worked. Ryback could have done the same thing, he could have taken the US title off the Miz and followed the exact same Goldberg blueprint where he holds that until he's actually ready to move up.
Ryback isn't a very good wrestler but the WWE hung him out to dry.
Here's what would make money:
ReplyDeleteCesaro, all of a sudden, can't help from staring at other guys' packages. Like their balls, right? His eyes are drawn to it like flies to shit, right? So whenever someone backstage is confronting him, it's like
"Yo Antonio, I heard what you were s... what are you looking at?"
Thanks for ruining it.
ReplyDeleteOh, and he's both the IC and US Champion at the same time.
ReplyDeleteIm not a fan of the BoD round-up, but dammit if this isnt comment of the day...
ReplyDeleteIll eat my hat
...not getting laid
ReplyDeleteTUNE IN NEXT WEEK
ReplyDeleteThey probably could have made it work. It's pretty WCW-ish to have the champ lose the belt before the payoff, only to get it back, but they had time. The last couple of months of Punk's title reign were a joke anyway. Breaking it up for 3-4 weeks wouldn't have hurt that bad.
ReplyDeleteOr they could have just jobbed Randy Orton out and had a better match.
Just from seeing that tiny little preview square, I can tell it's some Bananarama. That always makes me think of Karate Kid. Then I always think of John Kreese, which then makes the day worth it.
ReplyDeleteOK, when they say this, they're talking about shows that air brand new every week, right? That are actually written? In that manner, aren't they correct? I mean, sure, Meet The Press has run longer, but that's not the same sort of field, is it? And sure, The Simpsons & Law & Order have gone on longer, but those aren't weekly.
ReplyDeleteThe thing is, he hasn't changed ANYTHING.
ReplyDeleteCM Punk changed his hair cut and started wearing a hoodie to the ring. You know what, that freshened him up. Something that simple. John can't even do that!
wcw saturday night....
ReplyDeleteThat ended in 2000. Didn't it start in like, 90?
ReplyDeleteIf you're a year behind on comic-books, you don't get any sympathy. Not for the most recent death of a character who's died a dozen times already.
ReplyDeleteIt started in 1972, ended in 2000.
ReplyDeleteMr. Mercy, allow me to commend you on your choice of avatar. Matter of fact, I give it 4 stars! Check it out...
ReplyDelete'Not getting laid' - could be worse, he could be a butthead so impressed he got 'laid' in High School that he looks on it with a disturbing nostalgia.
ReplyDeleteSo he's no longer your favourite wrestler because he yodels? HE'S THE EXACT SAME WRESTLER.
ReplyDeleteI knew a guy in high school who got laid a ton. He had a kid at 16. I bet more than anything he wished he'd just hung out and played RPGs.
ReplyDeleteBesides, high school sex usually sucks. Shit don't get good until you're older anyway.
Zack Ryder already blows. Let's get him off TV, period!
ReplyDelete... uh, that WAS the story. HHH got his ass kicked, left, came back... won using weapons. Now Brock's changed it so that there are no weapons, no escape, and HHH is in Brock's world. Brock's going to crush him.
ReplyDelete... so the New Jersey crowd wasn't awesome either? THEY started that chant.
ReplyDeleteNo it didn't. Georgia Championship Wrestling was not the same show. And even if it was, the WWF show that followed it was just a clip show of matches run elsewhere, not "episodic programming "
ReplyDeleteAnd one of them has to be Good Luck Bear.
ReplyDeletePair him with Farting Natalya and you might be on to something.
ReplyDeleteHigh school sex is like cold pizza. Not the best, but still worth having.
ReplyDeleteTeam Brickie is really slacking off. I'm forgetting that they even exist.
ReplyDeleteThey picked the one guy that would get the crowd to boo Fandango.
ReplyDeleteThey should rent the name out to sponsor companies on a monthly basis.
ReplyDeleteAND CENA HITS RYBACK WITH THE GEICO INSURANCE COLLECTOR!!
It's more like rain on your wedding day.
ReplyDeleteWhich is completely the opposite given the unique momentum he has, which WWE has acknowledged themselves.
ReplyDeleteExcept Monday Night RAW has run a few clip shows itself in the past [the end of 2001 and end of 2002 episodes for example], so if you're going to disqualify "clip shows" then RAW shouldn't count as "episodic programming" either. Hell, the entire show these days is one giant clip show with a couple of thrown together storylines tacked on.
ReplyDeleteWho?
ReplyDeleteBest analogy I've heard in while
ReplyDeleteAnd I thought the DND Shit me and my friends do was bad...
ReplyDeleteAnd a free ride after you've already paid.
ReplyDeletelol... Stick to the man movies kid.
ReplyDeleteEven if WWE fired him tomorrow, he would still show on Impact Wrestling as the latest Aces and 0.8's member "Jack Snyder".
ReplyDeleteI dont think you got the memo, but you are not allowed to generalize anymore on the blog.
ReplyDeleteTed Turner in 1989 would approve of that idea as long as John Cena would ram Ryback's head into the Coors Light turnbuckle first, and then hit him with the Geico Insurance Collector in the middle of the Snickers mat.
ReplyDeleteSo... the blow-off show was the setup show?
ReplyDeletevery clever plan by Brock, no steel stairs in a cage match, it's the only reason he's been losing!
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely, Cesaro is freaking built. Kane should join in on that too so he can get his 2001 physique back.
ReplyDeleteRosebud was his sled!
ReplyDeleteDammit
ReplyDeleteWho would've thought... it figures
ReplyDeleteWhy have they gone back to the main event interview for the last few weeks?
ReplyDelete:: Gives this a standing ovation ::
ReplyDeleteSee I am NOT like Professor X!
Man there is so awesome n this thread thus far. Well played.
ReplyDeleteOnly if they then attach themselves to a pole...
ReplyDeleteAnd this man speaks from experience!
ReplyDeleteOr he could be someone who never got laid in high school and cooks up a sour grapes argument to justify it.
ReplyDeleteFor me it was a little of both anyhow. Freshman and sophomore years having an overthought e-fed on No Mercy, junior and senior years hanging out with girls and smoking weed. High school was fun.
2 am IN THE MORNING?
ReplyDeleteBE A STAR!
ReplyDeleteThis. I hate the "HAHAHAH YOU ARE A LOSER THAT ENJOYS SOMETHING!" mentality.
ReplyDeleteI would guess the 747 would be in the shape of Big Earl.
ReplyDeleteThat would explain why he jumps onto the ring apron instead of walking up the steps.
ReplyDeleteHe calls it "Sledgey II" and it has "THIS BUSINESS" on the side of it.
ReplyDeleteSo is Fandango now using another friggin Flatliner variation as opposed to the top rope legdrop? What is it with the obsession with giving guys Flatliner variations even though most of them look shit? At least he isn't using the Playmaker/Overdrive/Play of the Day move which I can't fathom the physics or mechanics behind how that move is supposed to actually hurt someone.
ReplyDeleteBut it's understandable because the song is on the Euro charts.
ReplyDeleteMoe's the leader.
ReplyDeleteThis is why a run with a secondary belt would have helped. Let him be a monster heel with the US belt.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading this why am I thinking of the Dave Chapelle skit where he talked about how certain races are distracted by certain types of music?
ReplyDeleteOh man- they should totally turn him into Bane! I'm not even kidding.
ReplyDeleteOnly if they zoom in on Ryback's face while he's getting pinned and the voiceover says, "not going anywhere for awhile? Grab a Snickers."
ReplyDeleteAlthough they culd easily use that same voiceover with the WWE roster is in the locker room watching Cena celebrate in the ring on a monitor.
The majority of the push-off was don't by Blake Griffin, but unless you hit someone with a chair it would be a no-call at that time in a game.
ReplyDeleteThat was fucked up beyond words....
ReplyDelete...I laughed.
Was this one of the books?
ReplyDeletehttp://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/9/9a/One_Fish_Two_Fish_Red_Fish_Blue_Fish_(cover_art).jpg
William Regal hasn't meant anything for something like 5 years now? Why not trot him out and squash him more often is the better question.
ReplyDeleteWow...how did Dolph and Jericho manage to have such a shitty match?
ReplyDeleteI don't know how The Shield keep winning no matter what, but thank god for it. It's literally the only good thing they have going now. I'm not home on Monday nights anymore, but I'm happy to DVR 'Defiance' over this garbage any day (good show, not perfect but definitely shows signs of growing into its own.) Wake me up when Punk gets back and/or The Shield's DVD comes out.
again? Was this some Cyclophoenix related nonsense?
ReplyDeleteI think this is the longest running weekly discussion in this blog's history.
ReplyDeleteat least in certain parts of Europe, it's not.
ReplyDelete"BUT HE'S A HEEL, DAMMIT!!!"
ReplyDeleteI got laid in highschool a bunch, AND played video games, magic the gathering, and DnD. The sex was pretty bad as I recall. As was my Magic the Gathering skill. I've improved both a lot since then. Though I never got good at DnD.
ReplyDeleteAlso I watched a lot of Darkwing Duck. High School was fun in its way.
I didn't think that the Ziggler-Jericho match was as bad as Scott thought.
ReplyDeleteIt hasn't really stuck with anyone yet though, meaning no one has made the move their own--unless you count the leaping version which is the exclusive property of African American wrestlers. I like it for Fandango though because he does the dip at the beginning which actually suits his gimmick. He does a great guillotine legdrop, but I think that should be reserved as a special spot since it will wear him down if he has to do it night after night (even Bobby Eaton eventually had to switch to a knee-drop which looked nowhere near as cool). The other problem with the legdrop as a finisher is it begs the question: "why he wouldn't just pin the guy if he's done a move which will disable him long enough to hit a legdrop?" That's one thing I never liked about top-rope finishes. It worked for Macho Man, but I just don't think it suits a guy like Fandango.
ReplyDeleteOr they'll use this angle to somehow bury Zack Ryder just a little more.
ReplyDeleteAt least they did it where the distraction allowed Ziggler to make the ropes and pull out of the move. I hate the variation where the guy just lets go of his move altogether and walks to the ropes like he's completely forgotten a match is in progress.
ReplyDeleteThat's not fair! They squash Zack Ryder regardless of what city he is in!
ReplyDeleteBacklash 2000 idea but much much worse.
ReplyDeleteThe shield flying in on a helicopter was great. Another awesome shield match and they win again. In my wildest dreams I never thought Ambrose would get this kind of push. I don't know if flair was pushed this well as a heel when he jumped to titan in 1991
ReplyDeleteThey could have gone the Nikita route and have him in a tag team or the Goldberg route and have him hurt Brad Armstrong. They went with neither and failed.
ReplyDeleteThis gimmick is the equivalent of Nicolai Volkoff singing the Soviet National Anthem before his matches to get heat. Cesaro is a physical freak of nature who could be getting heat because brutalizes R-Truth and Kofi Kingston and then condescends to the audience because he comes from a country with free healthcare and a top-notch school system. Real heat, that comes from a place of truth. Instead they're going for irritation heat, with him taunting the audience by doing something he clearly realizes is ridiculous.
ReplyDeleteHa, yes!!!
ReplyDeleteThat is a magnificent idea.
ReplyDeleteI like the new Punk look. Not as cool as the slicked back hair but you're right that it helped tweak the image a little.
ReplyDeleteBrad Armstrong was even nice enough to die during that period... they could have easily said he chose death rather than face Ryback...
ReplyDeleteRybane FTW!!!
ReplyDeleteSeriously though I have thought that Bane's character is perfect for a new guy to rip off. He could even be part of the Shield.
I've long said wrestling needs a creepy gay rapist heel. Like a less cartoony Goldust. Think Keller from Oz.
ReplyDeleteOnly because Dolph and Jericho have generally had a good track record for putting a lot of effort into minor matches, i'd give them the benefit of the doubt that they were probably burned out from travel last night. Others, not so much.
ReplyDeleteIts making an upvoteable comment when you're not signed in.
ReplyDeleteRe-watching the six-man tag, and what a nod to old school wrestling! Reminds me of the old NWA six-man tags, where 'Taker is playing the role of Dusty or Sting, by getting a measure of revenge on the heels, but ultimately his team loses, as the heels are one step ahead and outsmart their babyface rivals. Just brilliant.
ReplyDeleteI didn't realise he does a dip at the start of the move which I can buy into a lot more than the god-awful leaping variations. Also I can fully understand the issues with top rope moves as finishers now that you mention it. I've found the finishes to most of RVD's matches in TNA very deflating due to his 5* Frogsplash finisher, whilst I've found Jeff Hardy's TNA matches a lot more entertaining (at least since he's returned sober) due to him using the Swanton as a false finish at times. Also the fact that Matt Hardy always used a second-rope legdrop may indicate that top rope versions probably kill your tailbone after constant use!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, it's Team Hell No and the Undertaker. Not the BoD and Bryan.
ReplyDeleteYeah. I liked it too.
ReplyDeleteAgreed... I like that he doesn't look like a muscle freak either... just a guy that works really hard in the gym... and has oddly large areola
ReplyDeleteToo bad they felt the need to have Cena single handedly beat them AND Ryback up to close the show... I know it is only one week, but it really reinforced what a lot of us complain about on a weekly basis.
ReplyDeleteI've often thought I was built like Kane, just about a foot shorter.
ReplyDeleteEven though I really didn't like DKR, the way they did Bane was so fucking perfect. He looked so bad-ass, sounded bad-ass, and had a million cool lines.
ReplyDelete"If I remove this, will you die?"
"It would be very painful--"
"You're a big guy..."
"---for you"
I was gonna watch this program............but well what's a good excuse I can come up with?
ReplyDeleteI was being tortured like Dustin Hoffman in Marathon Man and that seemed more enjoyable than Monday Night RAW.
Please wake me when they cease the 50/50 booking.
High school was fun for the simple reason you could spend a day playing Final Fantasy 7 for 12 hours, and it matters not. You could play in an eFed, and dedicate so much time to it it's ridiculous.
ReplyDeleteYou could just waste time like it was nothing.
That... may be where they're going with Big E.
ReplyDeleteI'm not defending the gimmick. At all.
ReplyDeleteBut a bad gimmick doesn't ruin a wrestler. It's the same wrestler putting on the same matches.
That said, I'm a comic-book fan. I'll read Hawkman through loyalty, despite it being the WORST COMIC-BOOK EVER.
Dude, my Zombie Deck was untouchable! No one could come at me with that. I also recall the day I bought a pack that had a Shivan Dragon in it and thought I was the man.
ReplyDeleteJobbing in 2 minute matches doesn't help anything..
ReplyDeleteIt's "BOD-Bry".
ReplyDeleteI love "Onny Fish, Twah Fish"!
ReplyDeleteYeah that was just disgraceful and I don't get that at all. I'm just glad for the special helicopter entrance and that they beat takers team (even though yeah they pinned db but still...)
ReplyDeleteI have no idea what heels are supposed to challenge cena since he's cut off all their balls. But I just ffw this crap on DVR, and I'm a cena fan. But watching him beat down 4 top heels does nothing for me
Yeah, and now Hardy has to settle for that week elbow to a doubled over opponent as his second rope spot which looks even worse due to the fact that it used to be a leg drop. That's probably the least of what's wrong with Matt Hardy these days though.
ReplyDeleteI appreciated that Jericho and Ziggler understood the crowd and worked. Jericho doing the wave with the crowd was pretty funny, and I liked Dolph's sleepers to try and get some heat on himself.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7SQvkqBoyaU
ReplyDeleteYou brutally short changed that Jericho/Ziggler match. It was at least ***. We've seen it before, maybe that's why you thought it sucked. Crowd was hot for it. Yeah, you could see that ending coming, but it's a Raw match. It's funny how, when Jericho isn't even trying, he's better than 75% of the roster. I wouldn't blame Jericho if he started to not give a crap, he's been booked into oblivion.
ReplyDeleteIt's part of....THIS BUSINESS.
ReplyDeleteNo way he's done. We got three PPVs until SummerSlam.
ReplyDeleteAlso, think about it: "Payback"
That big money Rock/Punk match wouldve been worth just as much without a title involved and they couldve traded wins instead of having Punk 0 for 2013 on PPV....
ReplyDeleteRock/Cena killed off Ryback and damaged Punk a tiny bit, the end result it elevated no one, left Rock injured and probably done with wrestling and Cena even less over with the fans....
Shouldve deviated....
Next week I hope Fandango comes out with bad intentions at Jericho for taking his dance partner, chair beatings or whatnot. Why is THIS the most interesting feud going on in WWE?
ReplyDeleteI'm starting to like this feud. They're making Johnny look like more and more of a delusional psychopath.
ReplyDeleteGlad I'm not the only one who noticed that.
ReplyDeleteYou're gonna be out for awhile then dude
ReplyDeleteMentally handicapped? You mean like retarded? Don't be a fag, just say what you mean.
ReplyDeleteWell, I certainly admire your courage in admitt you never got laid.in in high school. Bravo!
ReplyDeleteI said the same thing a couple weeks ago. Just a new outfit and some new music (ESPECIALLY some new music) would go a long way.
ReplyDeleteI also liked how his (shitty) step-over toe-hold face-lock had a U tacked on to the end of it to play into a *gasp* themed moveset: STFU
ReplyDeleteI dunno...that 5 Knuckle Shuffle NES-themed shirt was pretty badass.
ReplyDeleteAfter I figured out the game a bit, I would zone in on an ability that nobody used or liked and build a deck around that. I had an almost unbeatable black and white "Banding" deck which I loved.
ReplyDeleteThey don't even know what they're talking about. Or they just make shit up. Which is what they've ALWAYS done. Here comes Hulk Hogan at 6 feet 7 inches tall etc. Pad the numbers, Add weight, make up ridiculous claims like "Damien Sandow invented the question mark and Bob's your uncle.
ReplyDeleteWrestling!