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Monday, September 16, 2013

The PG Era Rant: Monday Night Raw, 9/16/13



When last we left our heroes, the #1 babyface – who had spent the weeks prior mocking his PPV opponent and performing juvenile pranks – overcame all the insurmountable odds thrown at him and, instead of giving us a long chase, won the WWE Title on his first try.  In light of this shocking development totally out of character for WWE, there was much rejoicing.  But how long will it last?

The ad talks about Ryback aligning with Heyman and promises we will hear from Daniel Bryan.

- The PG Era Rant for Monday Night Raw, September 16, 2013.

- Live from Cleveland, OH.

- Your hosts are Michael Cole, JBL, and Jerry Lawler.


- We look back and reveal how Ryback helped Heyman.  We saw that HHH promised no interference, which allowed Daniel Bryan to win the WWE title.

- THE CHAMP IS HERE!  The crowd loves it.  I can’t make out his sideplates yet.  There’s a Fandango silhouette over the ring.  Sloppy.  Ah, the sideplates are “YES!”  Bryan gets the victory speech, and his first substantive comment is a YES chant.  Crowd: fully played.  But before we get anywhere, HHH is here to buzzkill.  The announcers assume that HHH will admit he was wrong.  HHH, though, brings up a fast count that ended the match, and claims it’s a tainted win.  So here comes referee Scott Armstrong.  So was it fast?  Let’s view the tape.  Tape indicates that yeah, he definitely short-armed the finish.  The results are being played over and over like the Zapruder film.  Scott has no explanation.  He’s trying to insist he just screwed up, but HHH doesn’t believe him.  This gets dragged on for a while.  Armstrong implies he made a deal with Bryan, who clearly has no clue what’s going on.  Oh god, they ARE going to reverse this.  HHH is holding up the title.  No, it’s not going to Orton, but it’s being vacated.  HHH demands the belt from Bryan, who is furiously denying any involvement in this.  They namedrop Shawn Michaels to hammer home what a shameful man Daniel is being (supposedly).  Before we reach the standoff point, here’s Randy Orton.  Orton is furious, but HHH insists that both men back off.  HHH insists on the belt coming over… and after a long soul search (Crowd: “NO!”), Bryan refuses.  So HHH takes it when Orton RKOs Bryan in the melee.  Hey, remember those sixty bucks you paid for the Pay-Per-View last night, suckers?

- I may be mistaken, but this doesn’t strike me as the best place to put a WWE Shop ad.

- Orton is just as furious as Bryan, demanding his title back.  Stephanie is furious at Orton and demands to know where the IED Orton is, but since he’s not there, maybe Orton doesn’t deserve their help.  Stephanie just left Orton speechless.  I… I promised I wouldn’t be cynical.  I’m trying.  I’ve already deleted tons of things.

- Dean Ambrose v. Dolph Ziggler.  It’s a rematch from last night, but this time it’s apparently non-title.  Struggle around the ring, with neither man winning until Ziggler responds to a slap with right hands.  Ziggler with a crossbody, but he eschews the pinfall and does a Cactus Clothesline instead.  Back in, Ziggler with a sleeper on Ambrose – who has the crowd behind him.  I thought Cleveland and Cincinnati were foes.  Cole tries to say they’re behind Ziggler, understandably.  Ambrose reverses to a sleeper of his own.  Ziggler with a jawbreaker to break.  He attacks in the corner and has to be pulled back.  Ambrose sends Ziggler out of the ring with a variation of the HBK Bump as we take a break.  We return with Ambrose getting a clothesline for two.  Ambrose with a clover leg lock on Ziggler, into a bow-and-arrow try, but Ziggler escapes only to get caught in a dragon sleeper.  Ziggler slips out and fights back, but Ambrose dumps him to the apron.  They go to the buckle, and Ambrose picks Ziggler up and rakes his back hard before getting a butterfly suplex for two.  Power Drive elbow gets two.  JBL rates Bryan a B+ actor as the announcers don’t talk about the match.  Short-arm lock by Ambrose, but Ziggler headbutts out only to get a knee to the gut.  Ziggler is hung on the ropes and beaten down, but is caught with Ziggler’s high jump DDT for a double KO.  Dropkick cues the comeback.  Stinger Splash by Ziggler into the ten-punch count and clothesline.  Ten-elbowdrop countalong (!!) comes next, with the tenth being delivered emphatically, for two.  That’s a hell of an athletic spot.  Ambrose with a AA spinebuster for two.  Ambrose goes ground and pound as the crowd tries to count THAT, too.  Rude Awakening is reversed to a backslide for two.  Ambrose YANKS Ziggler off the top rope, and Ambrose looks to finish as he taunts, but Ziggler escapes the Bulldog Driver and gets the Zig Zag for the pin at 11:55.  WRESTLING!  ***1/2  But as a reminder, it was non-title, so Ambrose is still champ.   I know I noted the Ambrose chant earlier, but I think it was to make sure the match continued, because they got behind Ziggler quickly enough.

- Meanwhile, Brad Maddox is with Big Show, who is very angry.  The McMahons will be visiting them NEXT.

- Meanwhile, Bryan/Reigns will happen tonight as Maddox tells HHH he approves.  Stephanie reminds us that Show missed a paycheck and it hurt.  Stephanie orders Show to stay in the McMahon office until further notice.

- We now look back at what happened with Punk, Axel, Heyman, and Ryback.  Folks, I’m making a prediction: Ryback attacked Punk in response to what happened last year when Punk denied Ryback the WWE Title over and over.  And if it’s true, that is Good For Business.

- Fandango v. R-Truth.  JBL has the whitest What’s Up ever.  This ties in to Friday when Fandango attacked Miz and his Awesome Truth teammate helped him.  Remember that?  No?  Fandango and Truth dance to start – if you can call twerking dancing – before Truth catches a boot and lands an uppercut.  Big hiptoss by Truth, then a split-legdrop (that clearly misses) before a regular legdrop for two.  Truth hooks the ropes and dumps Fandango as Summer Rae gets a chant.  Back in, though, Fandango catches Truth and pounds away, then Hammer Throws Truth into the corner for two.  A second Hammer Throw follows as Fandango gyrates before we hit the CHINLOCK.  Leg lariat by Truth after the break, and Truth lands clotheslines and a suplex Stunner for two.  Axe kick misses, blind charge by Fandango misses, Truth is caught with the Sin Cara kick as Fandango goes up, and the legdrop (that airballs) ends at 3:30.  Crowd doesn’t care, but that match was WAY too sloppy.  -*

- Dusty Rhodes goes to the ring.  He’s here as himself, not as Dusty, and he needs to talk to the McMahons about poverty.  Are they REALLY doing a WHAT to this?  Dusty does a variation of his Hard Times routine.  And he does it for his kids, because this isn’t about him but about Cody.  Now the crowd is INTO this promo.  The scars on Dusty’s face are really a bonus for this promo.  He’s proud of Cody and Dustin for their efforts.  He says family pride is best.  God’s greatest gift is family and children (AMEN!), and HHH broke his heart.  He wants Cody to have a chance to earn his job back, and asks Stephanie what she has in mind.  Stephanie enters, applauding Dusty.  As we all are.  She admits she is hesitant over the firing, and she offers a gift card.  It’s a wedding gift.  Dusty cuts to the chase: what’s the deal?  Stephanie puts Vince over before delivering the news: we’ll offer EITHER Cody or Dustin his job back, but not both.  And Dusty has to choose.  But Dusty won’t make that decision.  They’re playing this up as Cody being Dusty’s favorite child.  But he could also make it up to Dustin if he wanted to.  Oh, this is GOOD.  Dusty doesn’t want to choose one child over the other, even though Stephanie says his indecision is about making it about himself.  Dusty tells off Stephanie and goes to leave, and that means it’s Shield Time.  The Shield “surround” the ring (except for the aisleway, which is the one side I’d protect), and Stephanie asks for Big Show to join Dusty (thus explaining the open aisle).  Now the choice is: Shield or Big Show, who’s going to beat up Dusty?  But Dusty won’t choose, so it’s Big Show.  Show refuses, so Shield charges in, and Show tries to back them off.  But Shield get chairs, and now things are reaching a boiling point.  The intimidation is enough to make Big Show break down in tears and blast Dusty, then cradle him to the ground.  Show’s crying took away quite a bit from this segment, but the stuff before his arrival was FANTASTIC.  They really should’ve just had Shield beat Dusty down.  Dusty’s getting the collar and board stretcher treatment.  The announcers talk about Big Show’s tough choice, which I also think is a mistake, because Dusty’s choice was the more compelling.  Still, that was great TV.

- Just a note about that previous segment: I found myself wondering what I’d do if I were Big Show, not if I were the booker.  Any time I think in terms of being a wrestler, I consider the angle well done.  The niggling about asking Shield to do the beating is just that, niggling.  This was the segment of the night so far.  We return with Dusty being accompanied by Show to the ambulance and the hospital.  This has been great.  Heck, the heat’s on the wrestlers (Show in person, Cody/Dustin in absentia), so what’s not to love?

- Brie Bella and the Funkadactyls v. Layla, Alicia, and Aksana.  Natalya and AJ are on commentary.  Layla and Naomi start, and Layla gets a hairpull, but runs into a Butt Butt for one.  Funkadactyls tag off, and Cameron with a senton and big kick, but Alicia uses the double-team to put Cameron in peril.  Aksana in, and the heels do boot chokes.  AJ’s commentary is the focus of the match as the heels keep switching off.  Alicia hits the chinlock as Natalya’s headset doesn’t work.  Lawler offers Natalya his headset as the argument continues and Alicia slams Cameron, but the flip legdrop misses.  Brie shoves Naomi aside to get the hot tag and cleans house.  Brie slaps Aksana and everyone’s into the ring, and the facejam wins at 2:57.  Argument continues.  Whatever.  1/2*  Cole surmises that AJ had something to do with Natalya’s headset issues.  Seriously.  Of note: this is the second straight week Brie seemed out for herself instead of the team.  I hope this is a slow build to something, because small moments for characterization is just fine.

- Miz is asking Brad Maddox something.  We don’t know what, but Maddox seems willing to oblige.

- More about Dusty being knocked out.  Nothing is being made about the Sophie’s Choice part, and everything is being made about how Dusty was told how to be knocked out and Big Show made a difficult choice.  I just feel like they’re missing the boat here.

- Damien Sandow v. Rob Van Dam.  They keep playing up Sandow’s backstabbing of Rhodes in Money in the Bank as if that match weren’t every man for himself.  Not sure why.  Cole notes that Sandow could have cashed in last night.  Sandow bulrushes RVD into the corner and stomps away.  Headbutting follows, but RVD has the rolling monkey flip countered for one.  He beats RVD down for two.  Shoulder rams by Sandow, but RVD reverses only to get caught in the Russian Legsweep and Cubito Aequet for two.  We HIT THE CHINLOCK.  Take a drink every time someone says “held in abeyance”.  Sandow’s charge is stopped short, but RVD with a rana and springboard crossbody for two.  Big clotheslines follow, then a superkick.  Rolling Thunder hits the knees, getting two for Sandow.  RVD with the stepover enzuigiri, then the flying kick follows.  RVD goes up, and the Five-Star ends it at 2:40.  Wait, are they playing Sandow’s music?  Yes, they did.  Maffew, get a clip of that!  3/4*  Damien Sandow, though, reminds us he’s Mr. Money in the Bank.  Okay, play his music now.

- Meanwhile, HHH talks to Armstrong about how things have gotten out of control, and he chews out Armstrong for his part in what happened.  Armstrong is released because of what he did, which is understandable (although it doesn’t stop the announcers from saying HHH went too far in the next segment).  But HHH says he’ll take care of Armstrong.  At least two of my friends told me to mention that this is likely what Vince said to Jim Ross on Friday.

- Randy Orton v. The Miz.  Miz gets a great hometown pop.  JBL, who has been saying that Orton should be given the title back, is now saying we don’t know if Orton would’ve kicked out.  Eh?  Miz’s family is in the front row, but Orton jumps him from behind and sends him into the steps.  Miz is down and out as we take a break before the match begins.  We return with Miz refusing treatment and demanding to wrestle.  We begin with Miz going ballistic on Orton to a HUGE pop.  Orton cuts it off and charges, but Miz’s attempts to cut it off don’t work.  Draping DDT is reversed to dump Orton.  Miz sends Orton into the apron and barricade.  And back and back.  But Orton suckers Miz into the post.  Mrs. Mizanin is doing a great job of showing concern.  Orton keeps fighting as we get a double countout at 1:35.  Orton throws Miz over the table and keeps stomping away.  The beating continues as Orton throws Miz into the crowd in front of his dad, but that causes Miz to get RAGE and fight back.  He clotheslines Orton back to ringside, but Orton takes over and punches away in front of the mom and dad.  I mean INCHES AWAY FROM THEM.  He then does the Draping DDT from the barricade to ringside literally in front of the family.  Orton tosses Miz into the ring and grabs a chair as the announcers argue whether Stephanie or Bryan is responsible.  As opposed to Orton himself.  Orton sets up to Pillmanize Miz’s neck as the crowd freaks out.  But even Orton hesitates.  Just kidding, it was a kneedrop Pillmanizing.  The Orton we all know and loved in 2009 is back.  Cole rants about how Crazy Psycho Orton should not be the face of the company to tie it all in.

- Paul Heyman, Paul Heyman’s wheelchair, Curtis Axel, and Ryback are out next.  Axel leaves as Heyman gloats.  By beating Punk, HE’S the Best In The World.  The crowd is booing because they’re just jealous.  He pinned CM Punk, and he’s very proud of it.  And you’ll never take it away from him.  He even gets top billing over Punk in their match.  He’s milking this victory for all it’s worth.  I don’t have much to recap because it’s the same thing, but Heyman’s charisma is carrying it.  Crowd chants Goldberg at Ryback.  Heyman admits he was beaten to within an inch of his life by Punk.  Honestly, we’re lucky Heyman is still alive.  He then says Ryback stood up for him when all other Paul Heyman Guys abandoned him.  He now has a life debt to Ryback, who says he did it because CM Punk was bullying Paul Heyman.  He has a point.  “Do you think Paul Heyman deserved to be beaten up like that?”  Crowd: “YEAH!”  Ryback admits he doesn’t like Punk because he’s a bully, so Ryback will stop Punk.  Hypocrisy in my heels is a good thing.  Ryback offers his services as Heyman’s bodyguard as they get all buddy-buddy.  Heyman kissed Ryback.  I had to have Lawler confirm it because my brain refused to register it.

- Ladies and gentlemen, Los Matadores really want to be here in the WWE, and they should be on their way as soon as they clear customs.

- Three-Way Dance: Tons of Funk v. Real Americans v. Usos.  Swagger pounds on Brodus to start, but gets caught in the Shee-Plex and delivers a Stinger Splash.  Swagger and Cesaro regroup on the outside, and back in, Swagger brings Jimmy in.  Brodus shoves Jimmy down as this match has a deliberate pace.  Jimmy chops away on Brodus, then gets a thrust kick and flying forearm.  Crossbody is caught into a slam by Brodus, then a second one, followed by a rib breaker and elbow drop.  Cesaro tags himself in, but gets caught by a back elbow.  Jey with his own flying forearm for one.  Jey throws Cesaro into the corner as the Usos fire off on Cesaro, who reverses and gets a European Uppercut.  Snap suplex by Cesaro, but Tensai tags in and gets a very delayed butterfly suplex.  He holds it for like 15 seconds.  It gets two.  Cesaro is the king of long spots.  Slugfest, but this allows Jimmy in, only to get punched down by Tensai.  Blind charge misses, but a shoulder tackle does not.  Swagger is sent flying, but a blind tag on an Uso charge means that a Baldo Bomb means nothing.  Cesaro wraps up Tensai for the pin at 4:34.  He gets a dropkick on Jimmy as we go to break.  WE THE PEOPLE!  Seriously, they’re going to turn themselves if they keep this up.  We return with Swagger holding Jimmy as they did a GIANT SWING OF DOOM during the break.  You JERKS!  Swagger corners Jimmy as the crowd chants for JBL.  Running Vader Bomb by Swagger into a Mushroom Stomp by Cesaro.  Crowd is bored with the match.  Slam by Cesaro into an elbowdrop.  JBL says Cesaro got 28 rotations, which beats the 25¾ done to Santino.  Yes, I counted.  Now a Randy Savage chant.  Why?  Jimmy tries to fight out, but Cesaro cuts him off, but not all the way.  Hot tag Jey, who goes to work on Swagger, with a flying kick to Cesaro for good taste.  Uso Hip Check gets two, Cesaro saves.  The Americans bail, so the Usos get stereo pescados to pop the crowd hard.  Superkick misses, and Swagger has the Patriot Lock on.  After a prolonged struggle, Jey breaks and gets the superkick for real.  Cesaro is cut off, but that allows Swagger to superplex Jey… but Jimmy got the tag and Superfly Splashes Swagger for the title shot at 13:14.  That REALLY picked up nicely at the end.  **3/4  Usos/Shield was a good match a couple months ago, so why not.

- I’ll skip the Public Service Announcements.  You’re welcome.

- Bray Wyatt video.  He talks about patience being lost to greed.  He says they’re isolated from a world of killers, and that’s Wyatt’s world.  Lame animals are destroyed for the betterment of the pack.  He’s speaking to Abigail and promises to “put them all down”.  Creepy stuff.  In a good way.

- Wow, did they just acknowledge Daniel’s relationship with whichever Bella it is?

- Main event: Roman Reigns v. Daniel Bryan.  Randy Orton comes to ringside.  Shouldn’t the ref make Reigns remove his chest protector?  Bryan kicks away on Reigns and sends him from corner to corner.  Bryan slips under Reigns and kicks away some more, following with a dragon screw as he works the leg.  He kneedrops the lower leg a few times and pulls on it.  Reigns kicks Bryan away, but Bryan maintains the advantage, but Reigns corners and headbutts him.  Turnbuckle shot is blocked, and Bryan keeps kicking, and a second dragon screw follows.  Figure-four-like hold follows, and Bryan fires away with forearms while maintaining the hold for two.  Reigns whips Bryan into the opposite corner and gets a Northern Lariat before stomping away.  Reigns throws Bryan facefirst to the mat for two as we look at Orton.  Reigns hits the chinlock.  I think Reigns’s nose is bleeding.  Bryan shoves off, but gets knocked over by Reigns, who runs into a knee to the gut.  YES kicks to the back follow, but Reigns gets a kneelift to the gut.  Bryan cuts it off by going back to the leg.  Cole says Bryan has had nothing but integrity since his arrival, so apparently he was officially never part of the Nexus Riot.  Reigns breaks and clotheslines Bryan before slugging away in the corner.  Suplex by Reigns follows for two as the announcers finally get back to talking about the match.  A second suplex gets two as we keep watching replays of last night instead of the match.  Reigns goes to the chinlock as we get it out of the way.  Bryan fights out but gets hit with a headbutt and whipped hard.  Bryan trips Reigns into the second buckle and kicks the ropes to damage Reigns.  Bryan goes up top with a missile dropkick (as Orton stands up), causing Reigns to bail.  Bryan dives onto Reigns, who catches him and throws him back and forth on the outside.  We go to break as Ambrose taunts.  We return with Reigns holding a full nelson, which Bryan slips out of into a cradle for two.  Reigns puts Bryan on top and slugs away.  He hooks up a superplex, but Bryan blocks and punches out, sending Reigns down and following with… you know what, it’s essentially the Ram Jam.  But it misses.  Reigns gets two.  Reigns headbutts down Bryan some more, getting another two-count.  Reigns taunts Bryan, but puts his head down and pays the price.  Except he catches Bryan into the Catatonic for two.  Reigns back to the chinlock, and he headbutts to prevent a comeback.  Bryan does the buckle flip into a running clothesline to regain momentum.  YES kicks to the chest cue the comeback, but the roundhouse misses and Reigns gets a Samoan drop for two.  Reigns pounds away in frustration and taunts Bryan.  Powerbomb is signaled, but Bryan with a sunset flip for two, then a roundhouse kick for two.  Bryan disposes of Rollins on the outside and sets up for the cross-corner dropkick to Reigns.  And Ambrose, but then gets caught by a huge lariat from Reigns.  Bryan with the Yes Lock out of nowhere, and this brings Orton into the ring for the DQ at 18:17.  Bryan puts the Yes Lock on Orton as Cole cheers him on in a surreal bit, but the Shield races in to break it up and it’s a 4 on 1.  Orton directs traffic as everyone takes their shots in.  Crowd wants Punk of all people to break it up.  Orton with a stomp to the head and he loads up the Pillmanizing again, and this time every single babyface in the locker room finally snaps and attacks the Shield.  WOW.  Never saw that end coming.  Reigns escapes and speaks Kofi, but Ziggler with the Rocker Dropper on Ambrose.  Double superkick by the Usos on Reigns.  And now everyone catches Rollins as Bryan gets the big YES Knee on him.  So let’s see, it’s Ryder, Gabriel, Truth, Usos, PTPers, Kofi, Ziggler, and RVD.  For those who are curious and/or want to know who’s getting fired on Friday.  I was thinking Reigns wasn’t ready for a PPV-quality main event, but that quickly became a moot point.  Throw in the post-match insanity and this whole thing gets ****¼ from me.  ENORMOUS YES chant ends the show.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

“So what does that make us?”
“Big Damn Heroes, sir.”
“Aren’t we just?”
- Firefly

Now, I’m still not happy about the fact that they overturned the WWE Title match result.  It devalues the Pay-Per-View, kills replay buys, and in general is probably not Good For Business™.  But MAN, I’m glad I have to review this so that I didn’t turn it off, because they made up for it in SPADES with the rest of the show.  The Dusty segment hooked me, Orton’s mean streak we loved about him is back, and the locker room finally being able to charge the ring to protect Bryan was cathartically delicious.  This could be how they write RVD off the show after his 90-day spurt is up – HHH fires him to make an example of the locker room.  This would allow Bryan/RVD/Cody/Dustin v. Orton/Ambrose/Rollins/Reigns at Survivor Series, leading to a Rhodes Brothers v. Shield tables match at TLC, which I would totally like.

That said, Scott Armstrong on Twitter needs to address his comments.  If they have him go on a rant about how HHH put words in his mouth, then fired him over a mistake that was JUST a mistake, it would extend the feud to social media.  It would be a way to use Twitter for good.  I didn’t think about it until later, but the people who charged the ring were the ones who wished Bryan luck on his way to the ring, so it’s clear some people do care about this.

As pessimistic as I was when this story started – heck, as pessimistic as I was when the first half-hour ended – this show has given me new life and reminded me why I love wrestling at its best.  You have Daniel Bryan, perfectly into the Dusty role as man of the people; you have Randy Orton, the loose cannon villain who could do this on his own; you have the Mr. McMahon role in HHH, trying to manipulate everyone and now facing a challenge to his tyranny; and you have the Shield, hired muscle for Orton who are his Horsemen.  The best stories are timeless.

This has a chance to be one of them.

STATS:

MATCH TIME: 55:08 over seven matches
BEST MATCH: Isolated, Ziggler/Ambrose; including post-match, Bryan/Reigns
WORST MATCH: Fandango/Truth
NIGHT MVP (kayfabe): Randy Orton, but this was a REALLY tough call

FINAL SCORE: 9.  This would be a 10 (or possibly go to 11) had it not been for my disgust at the Dusty Finish of the PPV.  Otherwise, this is the best Raw I’ve seen since I began reviewing – yes, that’s only been five, I know.

Stay tuned for Mike Mears’ Postgame report.  In the meantime, do I love old-school wrestling?  YES!  YES!  YES!

138 comments:

  1. HHH: You told me you broke their spirit!
    Shield: We did!
    HHH: *SLAP* YOU BROKE NOTHING!

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  2. "It would be a way to use Twitter for good"

    NO SUCH THING

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  3. full disclosure : I use the twitter-machines

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  4. When the roster lifted Daniel Bryan up to celebrate.. I totally got a Lex Luger Summerslam 1993 celebration vibe. I hope DB's run doesn't turn out like the Lex Express one did, unfortunately I think it is walking that dangerous tightrope at the moment.

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  5. As long as his big moment isn't bodyslamming a really fat dude on a ship, I think he'll be okay.

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  6. I gave up on the live thread at 9:10 (10:10 ET) for some FFTactics. At that point, I considered WWE's current condition to be something like this:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=NbQArI16SgY#t=228



    (If it's timed wrong, try 3:45. And look for the nWo car.)


    Now... it has a solid pulse. Let's see if they can keep it going next week.

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  7. Huh -- so you weren't a fan of the Dusty/Steph/Shield/Show segment?

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  8. It was good... but not quite enough to balance out most of the crap the last two nights were responsible for.

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  9. He didn't get ten minutes into the fucking show with the title.

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  10. If you were expecting *ANY* different, you need to either a) watch more wrestling or b) up the doseage

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  11. IT'S. NOT. A. REAL. TITLE.

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  12. If Bryan doesn't get his goddamn moment with the title, whether it's "real" or not, he's going to wind up like Christian. And we all know how well things went for him when he won a world title and Orton took the damn thing from him. At least Christian got a week with it.

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  13. And then he got a month

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  14. And then he got to be a midcarder again. When's the last time his ass was even on TV? (That WWE show on Ion whose name I don't remember off the top of my head does NOT count.)

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  15. Hrmm... and this has *what* to do with Daniel Bryan, precisely?

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  16. To be fair, he did just have a title match at SummerSlam, plus he's getting injury-prone.

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  17. WE WANT KRUST......err, I mean YES, YES, YES, YES, YES!!!

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  18. I don't know what this means. Of course it's a real title. It's a real title given to a real person and is represented by a real belt.

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  19. A quick word on the people saying "HA! We Knew Bryan was fine--bitching after a month of beatdowns"



    Those complaints were based on the assumption Bryan would lose at the PPV. Winning the title (even for a night) eliminates the fear of him being seen as a ginormous loser

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  20. I don't think the Christian comparison is apt here. It was always clear that they were never really willing to make Christian a top guy that could beat other top guys. On the other hand, Daniel Bryan's beaten both Randy Orton and John Cena, completely clean. He's never going to have the credibility problem that now plagues Christian.

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  21. I don't remember Christian getting the holliest of holy moments in the WWE, where Bryan, beat John Cena for the title CLEAN AS A SHEAT, NO CENA BEING DISTRACTED. Bryan was the better man that night. How many people in the E' get that honor?

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  22. It's a parallel situation, both involving the GaySex Predator. Both won the title in feel-good moments, both got jacked out of the title by Orton, both got the title back via questionable circumstances. All that's left is for Orton to win again and Bryan to go shuffing along back to the midcard.


    I want to be wrong here. But their track record speaks for itself.

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  23. Who'd he beat? (I quit watching WWE after Summerslam, and I may not pick it up again after this show.)

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  24. HowmuchdoesthisguyweighSeptember 16, 2013 at 10:50 PM

    So am I alone thinking that it will eventually be revealed that HHH had Armstrong fast count because he never truly believed in Randy? Not sure what good that does for natural heel Orton but that's at least where I see it going. Great finish tonight.

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  25. Honestly, for a long time I thought HHH had Armstrong fast-count Orton so that he could then claim Bryan did it. He told Armstrong to say something that HHH could interpret as a conspiracy -- which is why he said he'd "take care of" Armstrong.


    But in all seriousness, it'll depend on what Armstrong is allowed to say -- I think it's just as likely HHH chose to pretend he heard it so he could strip Bryan of the title.

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  26. He was beatdown by the Shield to explain an injury angle.

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  27. When you say GaySex Predator, you're already wrong.

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  28. DEFENSE RESTS, YOUR HONOR.

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  29. I can't believe HHH just slapped a beard on some wino.

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  30. Really? He got HURT. At least they allowed it to happen in a way that gives him a red-hot feud when he returns (likely with Ambrose). I'm sorry your favorite wrestler is hurt, though.

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  31. Well, one of my favorites. (I don't really like ranking them, it's like asking a parent to pick a favorite child.) How'd it look? Was it like the Mark Henry beatdown, he was holding his own until Roman speared him out of his boots?

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  32. Due to his concussion, they didn't risk it. They just dragged his carcass out from backstage and threw him at Edge's feet.

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  33. Hey man have you considered doing ppv reports? I really like these.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Bait and switch, isn't good.


    It doesn't do much for all parties.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Thanks -- but I'm an official in a local rec hockey league on Sundays, so I'm never at home for them. I appreciate the compliment, though. If the guys on the Blogodoom want, I could always look up the results on WWE.com and do a general commentary on how it went.

    ReplyDelete
  36. ....OK, he had a concussion, so not having him actually get hit was the right move, but at the same time, the fact that he's been reduced to a prop in Operation Let's Put Our Most Important Belt On A Guy We'dve Fired Years Ago If He Weren't Someone Important's Kid And Friends With The Heir Apparent is still making my point.

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  37. "Blogodoom"


    About as over as "Blog Otters"

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  38. Great review as usual.


    Looking fwd to actually watching RAW in 117 days.

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  39. OK, delusional smarkiness aside... we may have just witnessed the least-shitty Dusty Finish in the history of THIS BUSINESS.

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  40. You know what he meant. Don't pretend to not know what he mean.

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  41. OMG they sent Fuj to outer space for his next mission...

    I TOLD YOU PEOPLE STARGATE WAS REAL

    ReplyDelete
  42. Battleground Wargames!

    Daniel Bryan and Flunkies vs HHH Orton and The Shield!

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  43. You're stuck on the superficial similarities. I mean, hey, the WWE does has a spectacular fuck it up track record, but again: even when Christian won the title, he wasn't beating a top guy, he was beating Alberto fucking Del Rio. And then the WWE explicitly went with the storyline of "Christian can't beat Randy Orton!" and pounded it into the fucking ground. Bryan doesn't have that problem here: he beat Orton even before Money In The Bank. Plus, tell me that Christian would've ever had the problems he had if he'd gotten to beat Cena clean. No way, no how.

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  44. This may be a bit late, but I really love your review. Keep up the good work, my friend!

    ReplyDelete
  45. He can be a 10 time Champion by the time WrestleMania comes. If the storyline doesn't end with Triple H eating knee followed by a 1-2-3, it's incomplete.

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  46. I think it's natural for the crowd to chant for Punk, since he didn't appear on the rest of the show. If the the feud with Heyman ends before this angle is over, I think it's perfect booking for when things look their bleakest in this storyline (Bryan looses his last shot at the title, Show gets fired, HHH books himself as champion or whatever) that the last guy to stand up is Punk. The guy who dropped the pipebomb, doesn't care if he gets fired, and stands up for what is tried and true (ice cream bars). If it ever does happen and Punk gets involved in this storyline the roof would blow off the place.

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  47. Honestly, I'd rather he didn't. There's a good reason Punk is being kept in a parallel universe to this story, and it's the same reason Cena's injury couldn't be better-timed: I honestly think that if you put Punk next to Bryan in the story, Bryan would be overshadowed. In 1990, when Warrior had his title reign, a lot of people (Scott Keith included) thought Hogan should've taken a vacation because his mere presence diminished Warrior. Cena may have done the same to Bryan (although we'll never know), and I'm certain Punk running into the story would cause fans to want HIM to slay the beast instead.

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  48. Randy Orton kicked him in the balls.

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  49. I think eventually HHH gets physically involved eventually which means someone has to be in there with him. Punk would fit in there nicely while Bryan and Orton battle over the title,or vice versa. I think it works if you book Bryan and Punk on equal footing. I mean, Punk has been great for years but he's not Hulk Hogan and Bryan is certainly not Warrior. It would certainly be different if it were Cena (who is basically booked as Hogan in jean shorts) but with Punk I think it works. Who knows really? This Heyman feud could certainly go on forever.

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  50. A big FU to Dave Meltzer:

    https://mobile.twitter.com/WWEAJLee/status/379740658296430592/photo/1

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  51. Much better without the smothering smarkiness.

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  52. Cody Rhodes - All creative has to do is have Cody come back and make a big save (Daniel Bryan) during a heel beat down. His face heat will be huge and he will be a made man as a face. Let's see how WWE "creative" screws this up.

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  53. If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say that they have Stephanie pedigree Cody just as he's trying to save either his Dad or Dustin, and then have the Shield destroy all three Rhodes as Steroid Steph looks on with glee.

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  54. I don't have anything against whoever coined "Blog Otters", but if I have to read it here again I'll de-clit their mothers. I'd rather be met with "greetings, Cum Guzzlers!"

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  55. It's a big improvement, and while there were a few errors here and there they're not worth bringing up.

    ReplyDelete
  56. ...So he proclaimed Randy was the chosen one and had him beat Bryan, only to screw him over a month later back to Bryan? What?

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  57. The goddamn Christians got nothin' to do with it!

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  58. Nowadays, Christian isn't nearly over as his brother, Muslim.

    ReplyDelete
  59. Also Dude, "GaySex Predator" is not the preferred nomenclature. "Douchebag Sex Offender", please.

    ReplyDelete
  60. I'm just pissed Christian never got a win over Atheist.

    ReplyDelete
  61. Are you related to Dean Pennyalew?

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  62. I want to book a match and have it end with a Dustbuster Finish.

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  63. When the roster lifted Daniel Bryan up to celebrate, I got a Jewish wedding vibe.

    I know there are some differences; Bryan wasn't sitting on the chair, and he's not affiliated with the Illuminati. His beard would make a rabbi proud, though.

    ReplyDelete
  64. Well yeah, he was stripped of it in the opening segment. If they did it at the end, he would've lasted the whole way through.

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  65. "both got jacked"

    FUCKIN' HOMERUN, CHARLIE!!

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  66. Being a Jew myself.. I'm totally shocked I didn't get the wedding vibe as well. Though I'm sure if DB does become a bonafide long-term main event draw I'll make sure my Illuminati relatives send him a membership invite.

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  67. Virgil Runnels stopped the What!? chants. Just by being interesting.


    That's a professional. I've no sympathy for anybody who lets those chants ruin their promo.


    Use that as a call to rise to the occasion and step up your game.

    ReplyDelete
  68. Dude, Daniel Bryan in the Illuminati? He'll be UNSTOPPABLE.

    ReplyDelete
  69. A few observations about Mizs dad

    1) he looks like a guy that would be fun to do drugs with
    2) chances are he drives an old trans am with a loud engine
    3) he looks like every guy you see in shitty strip clubs
    4) he has at least 2 white snake albums he still listens to

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  70. Im to lazy to continue disliking the Bryan angle so am gonna embrace it and hope they go completely over the top with it...
    HHH comes next week and presents himself the title while squashing Bryan in a promo. He then whips his penis out to show the audience how big and vascular it is due to the penis exercises he does. Kevin Nash then comes out of the crowd, powerbombs Bryan, who came out to try and get Hunter to put his cock away, and they each cut another promo ripping on smart fans, telling us workrate is overrated, accusing us all of living in our parents basements.

    ReplyDelete
  71. Still of the Night is awesome.

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  72. So you jumped to a conclusion and complained about something sight unseen, were wrong and are still trying to defend it?

    ReplyDelete
  73. Needs more gaysex predator.

    ReplyDelete
  74. ...Or will he?!?!?!?


    (you can add that to any Illuminati, OWG, Freemasons etc... discussion and it ALWAYS makes sense)

    ReplyDelete
  75. 5) Was unaware that heavy drinking and peyote use before conception could lead to Down Syndrome symptoms

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  76. Jesse Ventura: "9/11 was an inside job! The government flew goats into those buildings!"

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  77. I never outright criticized the angle, just voiced some conecerns. I'm empathyzing with those who were more openly hating the angle

    ReplyDelete
  78. ...or DID they?!?!?!??!?!


    (See?)

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  79. So...for the barricade assisted DDT, why didn't Miz's dad just grab on to his leg to stop it? He literally stood 6 inches away and let it happen.


    Also, appeared that Kofi was legit hurt by that spear, but I enjoyed his futile attempts to do the YES pointing.

    ReplyDelete
  80. That doesn't really look like a date, but I can't tell for sure... and sadly this picture isn't slightly lower. :(

    ReplyDelete
  81. It seems that she prefers the unary system of numbering.

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  82. and yet you sort of did. Ta da!

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  83. Careful, you NEVER want to go full-on Baker. It's hazardous to your health.

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  84. Rule #1 of fantasy booking is the WCW Tropic Thunder rule: "Never go full Russo."

    ReplyDelete
  85. Wherever I go, I leave a waft of cuntiness. I'm a vapour of shit.

    ReplyDelete
  86. Did he ever beat Jesus?

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  87. Did you have to use his real name that nobody calls him by, though?

    But yeah, that fat cunt can sure cut a promo, daddy.

    ReplyDelete
  88. It looks like rows of four vertical lines with strikes through them, like you'd mark on your prison wall.

    ReplyDelete
  89. ...Which really adds to the craziness/hotness of AJ. Boing!

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  90. I don't know if he ever wrestled John Cena's bodyguard.

    ReplyDelete
  91. YankeesHoganTripleHFanSeptember 17, 2013 at 7:40 AM

    I always thought the holliest of moments was getting to beat Hogan clean but I might just be living in the past.

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  92. I didn't know the stuff you hang above a door during Christmas was a type of moment.

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  93. YankeesHoganTripleHFanSeptember 17, 2013 at 7:43 AM

    You know it didn't occur to me until last night that they gave Cody some time off to get married and go on his honeymoon. Pretty nice of them actually

    ReplyDelete
  94. When you get dragged into an argument with a guy who uses GaySex Predator as an insult, you've already lost.

    ReplyDelete
  95. IT WAS A BIG LEBOWSKI REFERENCE AND A BRILLIANT ONE AT THAT. ALSO, I'M POSTWHORING TONIGHT BECAUSE I LIVE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD AND CAN'T JOIN IN ON THE LIVE THREADS.

    ReplyDelete
  96. Also, you're a GaySex Predator.

    ReplyDelete
  97. Serious question: now that we're no longer in the Attitude era and men beating the crap out of women is taboo (and that's a good thing), how exactly does Stephanie get her comeuppance? I mean, obviously Big Show can KO HHH and beat the shit out of him, but how does he, and everyone else for that matter, get over on Daddy's Little Girl?


    I suppose Vince will reappear at some point as the face to the HHH/Stephanie heel tandem and fire her or something, but does that emphatically put the faces over?

    ReplyDelete
  98. "men beating the crap out of women is taboo (and that's a good thing)"


    How am I supposed to be entertained, then?

    ReplyDelete
  99. *ALTERNATE POST*

    Men beating the crap out of women isn't a BAD THING, that's A GOOD THING!! /DDP

    ReplyDelete
  100. The only way Creative could screw this up would be to rename him to 'Choady Rhodes', a wrestler whose girthy penis is thicker than it is long.

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  101. Let me preface it by saying this will NEVER happen, because this wasn't a Vince McMahon creation, but just imagine a WarGames with Randy Orton+The Shield vs. Daniel Bryan, Cody, Dustin, andone other person (The Miz?????) - in the match Dusty created, with his kids fighting to avenge his honor.....imagine the possibilities.

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  102. Can you imagine the big babyface pop the Big Show is going to get when he finally snaps and kills HHH and/or Stephanie??????

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  103. "imagine the possibilities"

    One team would win, the other would lose, no blood would be spilled... madness.

    ReplyDelete
  104. Except he could slip and land on a newborn infant and his career would be over.

    ReplyDelete
  105. Why are you giving those morons ideas?

    ReplyDelete
  106. ...You don't like Choady?

    ReplyDelete
  107. They could always involve one of the divas in the feud as it starts to wind down to take Stephanie down, but more than likely, she'll just fade as the McMahon-Helmsley regime part whatever ends.

    ReplyDelete
  108. HowmuchdoesthisguyweighSeptember 17, 2013 at 8:29 AM

    I don't view it as he screwed Orton... I see it as HHH protecting what he believes is best for THIS BUSINESS. I think it will be revealed that HHH told Armstrong to fast count if Orton was in trouble. This would give HHH an excuse to strip Bryan. This scenario could also lead to the rumored HHH vs Vince's guy at Mania. Could just cause descention in the McMahon ranks if HHH never truly believed in Orton. Just a thought.

    ReplyDelete
  109. YankeesHoganTripleHFanSeptember 17, 2013 at 8:39 AM

    I thought Hogan did take a vacation? Unless Get Well Hulk and the friendship bracelets were just a dream.

    ReplyDelete
  110. Which in principle is not a bad idea, except that the only diva with any credibility is AJ, and while AJ has had run-ins with Stephanie before I can't picture her turning face.



    Maybe Big Show should just put Stephanie over his knee and spank the hell out of her.

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  111. Wonder if their penis's would work a lucha libra style, attitude era main event style, or if itd be more mat based.

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  112. But they were wrong in their assumptions, bitched about their own wrong assumption and have no reason to be defended.

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  113. "Titles mean nothing" isn't a positive in pro wrestling so I'm not sure what his point is.

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  114. Well you see, the holly bears the crown, as Bryan has now briefly done twice.

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  115. He specified that he was there as Virgil Runnels and NOT as Dusty Rhodes! Dusty Rhodes didn't do shit last night.

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  116. Shes gonna lose her power at some point, probably to Vince. Or she never has to show ass, no sells a WMD punch, and reveals that she has the biggest grapefruits in the family

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  117. I can absolutely picture AJ turning face. Really, the things she represents in her mic work make her character a much more likeable person to me than any of the other divas. The only hang-up would be the fact that WWE acknowledging AJ as a face would implicitly be acknowledging that basically every other female character they have is portraying a dumb shallow bimbo with only a passing interest in being an athletic competitor.

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  118. Vince would have a field day with that. The shit hed make him shove in his trunks...

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  119. First off, I had zero interest in the show so I just want to say I really enjoyed this review. A worthy successor to Scott. So good job buddy.


    As for the show itself...sounds like fun, but what's the point of PPVs anymore?? They've become a TV show. I wonder if they'd be better served at this point (since the WWE Network ain't happening) to air PPVs like Night of Champions on USA on Sunday night and draw another big rating for the network.


    There are really only 4 shows worth buying (Rumble, WrestleMania, MitB & SummerSlam) and the only 4 shows that seem to have payoffs. And since they're only getting like 100k buys anyway for these shows...they'd probably make more money on advertising to an audience on 5+ million on a Sunday night.


    Just my 2 cents but this Raw show sounds about 8 million times better than the PPV on Sunday, including a more satisfying payoff.

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  120. I'm thinking Vince was responsible for the fast count because he feels that HHH is getting too big for his britches.

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  121. Trips called it a BELT. He be in for a scalding.

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  122. I kinda figured part of the reason Big Show punched Dusty (both in reality and in "show reality") was because it's less damaging- getting punched in the face, even by the big show, isn't as devastating as a chair aided beatdown, and the way they wrote it, Dusty didn't have to actually take a bump, Show just guided him down. It'd be harder to make that a convincing outcome with a shield 3 on 1.

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  123. Or he could become the new Gene Snitsky!

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  124. Paul Heyman likes this!


    **Cue Rhino pulverising Jasmin St Claire and Sandman's wife before going on a tangent about their rotten gashes**

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  125. Hey, that wasn't his fault!

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  126. They could easily bring Kaitlyn into the story, as she's still as babyface-over as any Diva they have. Ziggler or Big Show asks her to talk to Stephanie on their behalf, woman to woman, but Steph of course reacts like a heel and puts Kaitlyn on her s*** list. So when it's time for Steph to get hers, Kaitlyn can spear her and there doesn't have to be any man-on-woman violence.

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  127. I was wondering why Miz's dad didn't do ANYTHING during the whole beatdown. He didn't even look that bothered, as opposed to the mom, who at least did a semi-decent acting job. I don't care how old I am and how big the other guy is, if some guy is beating the crap out of my son two feet away from me, I'd be compelled to at least take a swing at him.

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  128. How is that an FU to Meltzer? Serious question, as I wasn't aware they had some issue between them.

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  129. Yes, this is a big problem. Especially considering she's far worse than Trips. She's just mean and personal. And of course because men can't bump women anymore, she'll skate.


    How does she show ass? By having Big Show drive a forklift through the place where she buys pantsuits?

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  130. Yup. And who says Vince is heartless?

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  131. AJ is so much better than every other female (and a good deal of the men) on the roster that it really wouldn't be hard to turn her face.


    Hell, even her booking has been facelike. She's what? Beaten everybody clean as a sheet by tapping them right out.


    And why couldn't the Corporation 2.0 choose Brie as their icon. I bet AJ could take a triple powerbomb.

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  132. He remembered what Orton did to Cena's dad...

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