When last we
left our heroes, the #1 babyface – who had spent the weeks prior mocking his
PPV opponent and performing juvenile pranks – overcame all the insurmountable
odds thrown at him and, instead of giving us a long chase, won the WWE Title on
his first try. In light of this shocking
development totally out of character for WWE, there was much rejoicing. But how long will it last?
The ad talks
about Ryback aligning with Heyman and promises we will hear from Daniel Bryan.
- The PG Era
Rant for Monday Night Raw, September 16, 2013.
- Live from
Cleveland, OH.
- Your hosts
are Michael Cole, JBL, and Jerry Lawler.
- We look back
and reveal how Ryback helped Heyman. We
saw that HHH promised no interference, which allowed Daniel Bryan to win the
WWE title.
- THE CHAMP
IS HERE! The crowd loves it. I can’t make out his sideplates yet. There’s a Fandango silhouette over the ring. Sloppy.
Ah, the sideplates are “YES!” Bryan
gets the victory speech, and his first substantive comment is a YES chant. Crowd: fully played. But before we get anywhere, HHH is here to
buzzkill. The announcers assume that HHH
will admit he was wrong. HHH, though,
brings up a fast count that ended the match, and claims it’s a tainted
win. So here comes referee Scott
Armstrong. So was it fast? Let’s view the tape. Tape indicates that yeah, he definitely
short-armed the finish. The results are
being played over and over like the Zapruder film. Scott has no explanation. He’s trying to insist he just screwed up, but
HHH doesn’t believe him. This gets
dragged on for a while. Armstrong
implies he made a deal with Bryan, who clearly has no clue what’s going
on. Oh god, they ARE going to reverse
this. HHH is holding up the title. No, it’s not going to Orton, but it’s being
vacated. HHH demands the belt from
Bryan, who is furiously denying any involvement in this. They namedrop Shawn Michaels to hammer home
what a shameful man Daniel is being (supposedly). Before we reach the standoff point, here’s
Randy Orton. Orton is furious, but HHH
insists that both men back off. HHH
insists on the belt coming over… and after a long soul search (Crowd: “NO!”),
Bryan refuses. So HHH takes it when
Orton RKOs Bryan in the melee. Hey,
remember those sixty bucks you paid for the Pay-Per-View last night, suckers?
- I may be
mistaken, but this doesn’t strike me as the best place to put a WWE Shop ad.
- Orton is
just as furious as Bryan, demanding his title back. Stephanie is furious at Orton and demands to
know where the IED Orton is, but since he’s not there, maybe Orton doesn’t
deserve their help. Stephanie just left
Orton speechless. I… I promised I wouldn’t
be cynical. I’m trying. I’ve already deleted tons of things.
- Dean
Ambrose v. Dolph Ziggler. It’s a rematch
from last night, but this time it’s apparently non-title. Struggle around the ring, with neither man
winning until Ziggler responds to a slap with right hands. Ziggler with a crossbody, but he eschews the
pinfall and does a Cactus Clothesline instead.
Back in, Ziggler with a sleeper on Ambrose – who has the crowd behind
him. I thought Cleveland and Cincinnati
were foes. Cole tries to say they’re
behind Ziggler, understandably. Ambrose
reverses to a sleeper of his own.
Ziggler with a jawbreaker to break.
He attacks in the corner and has to be pulled back. Ambrose sends Ziggler out of the ring with a
variation of the HBK Bump as we take a break.
We return with Ambrose getting a clothesline for two. Ambrose with a clover leg lock on Ziggler,
into a bow-and-arrow try, but Ziggler escapes only to get caught in a dragon
sleeper. Ziggler slips out and fights
back, but Ambrose dumps him to the apron.
They go to the buckle, and Ambrose picks Ziggler up and rakes his back
hard before getting a butterfly suplex for two.
Power Drive elbow gets two. JBL
rates Bryan a B+ actor as the announcers don’t talk about the match. Short-arm lock by Ambrose, but Ziggler
headbutts out only to get a knee to the gut.
Ziggler is hung on the ropes and beaten down, but is caught with Ziggler’s
high jump DDT for a double KO. Dropkick
cues the comeback. Stinger Splash by
Ziggler into the ten-punch count and clothesline. Ten-elbowdrop countalong (!!) comes next,
with the tenth being delivered emphatically, for two. That’s a hell of an athletic spot. Ambrose with a AA spinebuster for two. Ambrose goes ground and pound as the crowd
tries to count THAT, too. Rude Awakening
is reversed to a backslide for two.
Ambrose YANKS Ziggler off the top rope, and Ambrose looks to finish as
he taunts, but Ziggler escapes the Bulldog Driver and gets the Zig Zag for the
pin at 11:55. WRESTLING! ***1/2 But as a reminder, it was non-title, so
Ambrose is still champ. I know I noted
the Ambrose chant earlier, but I think it was to make sure the match continued,
because they got behind Ziggler quickly enough.
- Meanwhile,
Brad Maddox is with Big Show, who is very angry. The McMahons will be visiting them NEXT.
- Meanwhile,
Bryan/Reigns will happen tonight as Maddox tells HHH he approves. Stephanie reminds us that Show missed a
paycheck and it hurt. Stephanie orders
Show to stay in the McMahon office until further notice.
- We now
look back at what happened with Punk, Axel, Heyman, and Ryback. Folks, I’m making a prediction: Ryback
attacked Punk in response to what happened last year when Punk denied Ryback
the WWE Title over and over. And if it’s
true, that is Good For Business.
- Fandango v.
R-Truth. JBL has the whitest What’s Up
ever. This ties in to Friday when
Fandango attacked Miz and his Awesome Truth teammate helped him. Remember that? No?
Fandango and Truth dance to start – if you can call twerking dancing –
before Truth catches a boot and lands an uppercut. Big hiptoss by Truth, then a split-legdrop
(that clearly misses) before a regular legdrop for two. Truth hooks the ropes and dumps Fandango as
Summer Rae gets a chant. Back in,
though, Fandango catches Truth and pounds away, then Hammer Throws Truth into
the corner for two. A second Hammer Throw
follows as Fandango gyrates before we hit the CHINLOCK. Leg lariat by Truth after the break, and
Truth lands clotheslines and a suplex Stunner for two. Axe kick misses, blind charge by Fandango
misses, Truth is caught with the Sin Cara kick as Fandango goes up, and the
legdrop (that airballs) ends at 3:30.
Crowd doesn’t care, but that match was WAY too sloppy. -*
- Dusty
Rhodes goes to the ring. He’s here as
himself, not as Dusty, and he needs to talk to the McMahons about poverty. Are they REALLY doing a WHAT to this? Dusty does a variation of his Hard Times
routine. And he does it for his kids,
because this isn’t about him but about Cody.
Now the crowd is INTO this promo.
The scars on Dusty’s face are really a bonus for this promo. He’s proud of Cody and Dustin for their
efforts. He says family pride is
best. God’s greatest gift is family and
children (AMEN!), and HHH broke his heart.
He wants Cody to have a chance to earn his job back, and asks Stephanie
what she has in mind. Stephanie enters,
applauding Dusty. As we all are. She admits she is hesitant over the firing,
and she offers a gift card. It’s a
wedding gift. Dusty cuts to the chase:
what’s the deal? Stephanie puts Vince
over before delivering the news: we’ll offer EITHER Cody or Dustin his job
back, but not both. And Dusty has to
choose. But Dusty won’t make that
decision. They’re playing this up as
Cody being Dusty’s favorite child. But
he could also make it up to Dustin if he wanted to. Oh, this is GOOD. Dusty doesn’t want to choose one child over
the other, even though Stephanie says his indecision is about making it about
himself. Dusty tells off Stephanie and
goes to leave, and that means it’s Shield Time.
The Shield “surround” the ring (except for the aisleway, which is the
one side I’d protect), and Stephanie asks for Big Show to join Dusty (thus explaining
the open aisle). Now the choice is:
Shield or Big Show, who’s going to beat up Dusty? But Dusty won’t choose, so it’s Big
Show. Show refuses, so Shield charges
in, and Show tries to back them off. But
Shield get chairs, and now things are reaching a boiling point. The intimidation is enough to make Big Show
break down in tears and blast Dusty, then cradle him to the ground. Show’s crying took away quite a bit from this
segment, but the stuff before his arrival was FANTASTIC. They really should’ve just had Shield beat
Dusty down. Dusty’s getting the collar
and board stretcher treatment. The
announcers talk about Big Show’s tough choice, which I also think is a mistake,
because Dusty’s choice was the more compelling.
Still, that was great TV.
- Just a
note about that previous segment: I found myself wondering what I’d do if I
were Big Show, not if I were the booker.
Any time I think in terms of being a wrestler, I consider the angle well
done. The niggling about asking Shield
to do the beating is just that, niggling.
This was the segment of the night so far. We return with Dusty being accompanied by
Show to the ambulance and the hospital.
This has been great. Heck, the
heat’s on the wrestlers (Show in person, Cody/Dustin in absentia), so what’s
not to love?
- Brie Bella
and the Funkadactyls v. Layla, Alicia, and Aksana. Natalya and AJ are on commentary. Layla and Naomi start, and Layla gets a
hairpull, but runs into a Butt Butt for one.
Funkadactyls tag off, and Cameron with a senton and big kick, but Alicia
uses the double-team to put Cameron in peril.
Aksana in, and the heels do boot chokes.
AJ’s commentary is the focus of the match as the heels keep switching
off. Alicia hits the chinlock as Natalya’s
headset doesn’t work. Lawler offers
Natalya his headset as the argument continues and Alicia slams Cameron, but the
flip legdrop misses. Brie shoves Naomi
aside to get the hot tag and cleans house.
Brie slaps Aksana and everyone’s into the ring, and the facejam wins at
2:57. Argument continues. Whatever.
1/2* Cole surmises that AJ had something to do
with Natalya’s headset issues.
Seriously. Of note: this is the
second straight week Brie seemed out for herself instead of the team. I hope this is a slow build to something,
because small moments for characterization is just fine.
- Miz is
asking Brad Maddox something. We don’t
know what, but Maddox seems willing to oblige.
- More about
Dusty being knocked out. Nothing is
being made about the Sophie’s Choice part, and everything is being made about
how Dusty was told how to be knocked out and Big Show made a difficult
choice. I just feel like they’re missing
the boat here.
- Damien
Sandow v. Rob Van Dam. They keep playing
up Sandow’s backstabbing of Rhodes in Money in the Bank as if that match weren’t
every man for himself. Not sure
why. Cole notes that Sandow could have
cashed in last night. Sandow bulrushes RVD
into the corner and stomps away.
Headbutting follows, but RVD has the rolling monkey flip countered for
one. He beats RVD down for two. Shoulder rams by Sandow, but RVD reverses
only to get caught in the Russian Legsweep and Cubito Aequet for two. We HIT THE CHINLOCK. Take a drink every time someone says “held in
abeyance”. Sandow’s charge is stopped
short, but RVD with a rana and springboard crossbody for two. Big clotheslines follow, then a
superkick. Rolling Thunder hits the
knees, getting two for Sandow. RVD with
the stepover enzuigiri, then the flying kick follows. RVD goes up, and the Five-Star ends it at
2:40. Wait, are they playing Sandow’s
music? Yes, they did. Maffew, get a clip of that! 3/4* Damien Sandow, though, reminds us he’s Mr.
Money in the Bank. Okay, play his music
now.
- Meanwhile,
HHH talks to Armstrong about how things have gotten out of control, and he
chews out Armstrong for his part in what happened. Armstrong is released because of what he did,
which is understandable (although it doesn’t stop the announcers from saying
HHH went too far in the next segment).
But HHH says he’ll take care of Armstrong. At least two of my friends told me to mention
that this is likely what Vince said to Jim Ross on Friday.
- Randy
Orton v. The Miz. Miz gets a great
hometown pop. JBL, who has been saying
that Orton should be given the title back, is now saying we don’t know if Orton
would’ve kicked out. Eh? Miz’s family is in the front row, but Orton
jumps him from behind and sends him into the steps. Miz is down and out as we take a break before
the match begins. We return with Miz
refusing treatment and demanding to wrestle.
We begin with Miz going ballistic on Orton to a HUGE pop. Orton cuts it off and charges, but Miz’s
attempts to cut it off don’t work.
Draping DDT is reversed to dump Orton.
Miz sends Orton into the apron and barricade. And back and back. But Orton suckers Miz into the post. Mrs. Mizanin is doing a great job of showing
concern. Orton keeps fighting as we get
a double countout at 1:35. Orton throws
Miz over the table and keeps stomping away.
The beating continues as Orton throws Miz into the crowd in front of his
dad, but that causes Miz to get RAGE and fight back. He clotheslines Orton back to ringside, but
Orton takes over and punches away in front of the mom and dad. I mean INCHES AWAY FROM THEM. He then does the Draping DDT from the
barricade to ringside literally in front of the family. Orton tosses Miz into the ring and grabs a
chair as the announcers argue whether Stephanie or Bryan is responsible. As opposed to Orton himself. Orton sets up to Pillmanize Miz’s neck as the
crowd freaks out. But even Orton
hesitates. Just kidding, it was a
kneedrop Pillmanizing. The Orton we all
know and loved in 2009 is back. Cole
rants about how Crazy Psycho Orton should not be the face of the company to tie
it all in.
- Paul
Heyman, Paul Heyman’s wheelchair, Curtis Axel, and Ryback are out next. Axel leaves as Heyman gloats. By beating Punk, HE’S the Best In The
World. The crowd is booing because they’re
just jealous. He pinned CM Punk, and he’s
very proud of it. And you’ll never take
it away from him. He even gets top
billing over Punk in their match. He’s
milking this victory for all it’s worth.
I don’t have much to recap because it’s the same thing, but Heyman’s
charisma is carrying it. Crowd chants
Goldberg at Ryback. Heyman admits he was
beaten to within an inch of his life by Punk.
Honestly, we’re lucky Heyman is still alive. He then says Ryback stood up for him when all
other Paul Heyman Guys abandoned him. He
now has a life debt to Ryback, who says he did it because CM Punk was bullying
Paul Heyman. He has a point. “Do you think Paul Heyman deserved to be
beaten up like that?” Crowd: “YEAH!” Ryback admits he doesn’t like Punk because he’s
a bully, so Ryback will stop Punk.
Hypocrisy in my heels is a good thing.
Ryback offers his services as Heyman’s bodyguard as they get all
buddy-buddy. Heyman kissed Ryback. I had to have Lawler confirm it because my
brain refused to register it.
- Ladies and
gentlemen, Los Matadores really want to be here in the WWE, and they should be on
their way as soon as they clear customs.
- Three-Way
Dance: Tons of Funk v. Real Americans v. Usos.
Swagger pounds on Brodus to start, but gets caught in the Shee-Plex and
delivers a Stinger Splash. Swagger and
Cesaro regroup on the outside, and back in, Swagger brings Jimmy in. Brodus shoves Jimmy down as this match has a
deliberate pace. Jimmy chops away on
Brodus, then gets a thrust kick and flying forearm. Crossbody is caught into a slam by Brodus,
then a second one, followed by a rib breaker and elbow drop. Cesaro tags himself in, but gets caught by a
back elbow. Jey with his own flying
forearm for one. Jey throws Cesaro into
the corner as the Usos fire off on Cesaro, who reverses and gets a European
Uppercut. Snap suplex by Cesaro, but
Tensai tags in and gets a very delayed butterfly suplex. He holds it for like 15 seconds. It gets two.
Cesaro is the king of long spots.
Slugfest, but this allows Jimmy in, only to get punched down by
Tensai. Blind charge misses, but a
shoulder tackle does not. Swagger is
sent flying, but a blind tag on an Uso charge means that a Baldo Bomb means
nothing. Cesaro wraps up Tensai for the
pin at 4:34. He gets a dropkick on Jimmy
as we go to break. WE THE PEOPLE! Seriously, they’re going to turn themselves
if they keep this up. We return with
Swagger holding Jimmy as they did a GIANT SWING OF DOOM during the break. You JERKS!
Swagger corners Jimmy as the crowd chants for JBL. Running Vader Bomb by Swagger into a Mushroom
Stomp by Cesaro. Crowd is bored with the
match. Slam by Cesaro into an
elbowdrop. JBL says Cesaro got 28
rotations, which beats the 25¾ done to Santino.
Yes, I counted. Now a Randy
Savage chant. Why? Jimmy tries to fight out, but Cesaro cuts him
off, but not all the way. Hot tag Jey,
who goes to work on Swagger, with a flying kick to Cesaro for good taste. Uso Hip Check gets two, Cesaro saves. The Americans bail, so the Usos get stereo
pescados to pop the crowd hard.
Superkick misses, and Swagger has the Patriot Lock on. After a prolonged struggle, Jey breaks and
gets the superkick for real. Cesaro is
cut off, but that allows Swagger to superplex Jey… but Jimmy got the tag and
Superfly Splashes Swagger for the title shot at 13:14. That REALLY picked up nicely at the end. **3/4 Usos/Shield was a good match a couple months
ago, so why not.
- I’ll skip
the Public Service Announcements. You’re
welcome.
- Bray Wyatt
video. He talks about patience being
lost to greed. He says they’re isolated
from a world of killers, and that’s Wyatt’s world. Lame animals are destroyed for the betterment
of the pack. He’s speaking to Abigail
and promises to “put them all down”.
Creepy stuff. In a good way.
- Wow, did
they just acknowledge Daniel’s relationship with whichever Bella it is?
- Main
event: Roman Reigns v. Daniel Bryan. Randy
Orton comes to ringside. Shouldn’t the
ref make Reigns remove his chest protector?
Bryan kicks away on Reigns and sends him from corner to corner. Bryan slips under Reigns and kicks away some
more, following with a dragon screw as he works the leg. He kneedrops the lower leg a few times and
pulls on it. Reigns kicks Bryan away,
but Bryan maintains the advantage, but Reigns corners and headbutts him. Turnbuckle shot is blocked, and Bryan keeps
kicking, and a second dragon screw follows.
Figure-four-like hold follows, and Bryan fires away with forearms while
maintaining the hold for two. Reigns
whips Bryan into the opposite corner and gets a Northern Lariat before stomping
away. Reigns throws Bryan facefirst to
the mat for two as we look at Orton.
Reigns hits the chinlock. I think
Reigns’s nose is bleeding. Bryan shoves
off, but gets knocked over by Reigns, who runs into a knee to the gut. YES kicks to the back follow, but Reigns gets
a kneelift to the gut. Bryan cuts it off
by going back to the leg. Cole says
Bryan has had nothing but integrity since his arrival, so apparently he was
officially never part of the Nexus Riot.
Reigns breaks and clotheslines Bryan before slugging away in the
corner. Suplex by Reigns follows for two
as the announcers finally get back to talking about the match. A second suplex gets two as we keep watching
replays of last night instead of the match.
Reigns goes to the chinlock as we get it out of the way. Bryan fights out but gets hit with a headbutt
and whipped hard. Bryan trips Reigns
into the second buckle and kicks the ropes to damage Reigns. Bryan goes up top with a missile dropkick (as
Orton stands up), causing Reigns to bail.
Bryan dives onto Reigns, who catches him and throws him back and forth
on the outside. We go to break as
Ambrose taunts. We return with Reigns
holding a full nelson, which Bryan slips out of into a cradle for two. Reigns puts Bryan on top and slugs away. He hooks up a superplex, but Bryan blocks and
punches out, sending Reigns down and following with… you know what, it’s
essentially the Ram Jam. But it
misses. Reigns gets two. Reigns headbutts down Bryan some more,
getting another two-count. Reigns taunts
Bryan, but puts his head down and pays the price. Except he catches Bryan into the Catatonic
for two. Reigns back to the chinlock, and
he headbutts to prevent a comeback.
Bryan does the buckle flip into a running clothesline to regain
momentum. YES kicks to the chest cue the
comeback, but the roundhouse misses and Reigns gets a Samoan drop for two. Reigns pounds away in frustration and taunts
Bryan. Powerbomb is signaled, but Bryan
with a sunset flip for two, then a roundhouse kick for two. Bryan disposes of Rollins on the outside and
sets up for the cross-corner dropkick to Reigns. And Ambrose, but then gets caught by a huge
lariat from Reigns. Bryan with the Yes
Lock out of nowhere, and this brings Orton into the ring for the DQ at
18:17. Bryan puts the Yes Lock on Orton
as Cole cheers him on in a surreal bit, but the Shield races in to break it up
and it’s a 4 on 1. Orton directs traffic
as everyone takes their shots in. Crowd
wants Punk of all people to break it up.
Orton with a stomp to the head and he loads up the Pillmanizing again,
and this time every single babyface in the locker room finally snaps and
attacks the Shield. WOW. Never saw that end coming. Reigns escapes and speaks Kofi, but Ziggler
with the Rocker Dropper on Ambrose.
Double superkick by the Usos on Reigns.
And now everyone catches Rollins as Bryan gets the big YES Knee on
him. So let’s see, it’s Ryder, Gabriel,
Truth, Usos, PTPers, Kofi, Ziggler, and RVD.
For those who are curious and/or want to know who’s getting fired on
Friday. I was thinking Reigns wasn’t
ready for a PPV-quality main event, but that quickly became a moot point. Throw in the post-match insanity and this
whole thing gets ****¼ from me. ENORMOUS YES chant ends the show.
FINAL
THOUGHTS:
“So what
does that make us?”
“Big Damn Heroes, sir.”
“Aren’t we just?”
“Big Damn Heroes, sir.”
“Aren’t we just?”
- Firefly
Now, I’m
still not happy about the fact that they overturned the WWE Title match
result. It devalues the Pay-Per-View,
kills replay buys, and in general is probably not Good For Business™. But MAN, I’m glad I have to review this so
that I didn’t turn it off, because they made up for it in SPADES with the rest
of the show. The Dusty segment hooked
me, Orton’s mean streak we loved about him is back, and the locker room finally
being able to charge the ring to protect Bryan was cathartically
delicious. This could be how they write
RVD off the show after his 90-day spurt is up – HHH fires him to make an
example of the locker room. This would
allow Bryan/RVD/Cody/Dustin v. Orton/Ambrose/Rollins/Reigns at Survivor Series,
leading to a Rhodes Brothers v. Shield tables match at TLC, which I would
totally like.
That said,
Scott Armstrong on Twitter needs to address his comments. If they have him go on a rant about how HHH
put words in his mouth, then fired him over a mistake that was JUST a mistake,
it would extend the feud to social media.
It would be a way to use Twitter for good. I didn’t think about it until later, but the
people who charged the ring were the ones who wished Bryan luck on his way to
the ring, so it’s clear some people do care about this.
As
pessimistic as I was when this story started – heck, as pessimistic as I was
when the first half-hour ended – this show has given me new life and reminded
me why I love wrestling at its best. You
have Daniel Bryan, perfectly into the Dusty role as man of the people; you have
Randy Orton, the loose cannon villain who could do this on his own; you have
the Mr. McMahon role in HHH, trying to manipulate everyone and now facing a
challenge to his tyranny; and you have the Shield, hired muscle for Orton who
are his Horsemen. The best stories are
timeless.
This has a
chance to be one of them.
STATS:
MATCH TIME:
55:08 over seven matches
BEST MATCH:
Isolated, Ziggler/Ambrose; including post-match, Bryan/Reigns
WORST MATCH:
Fandango/Truth
NIGHT MVP
(kayfabe): Randy Orton, but this was a REALLY tough call
FINAL SCORE:
9. This would be a 10 (or possibly go to
11) had it not been for my disgust at the Dusty Finish of the PPV. Otherwise, this is the best Raw I’ve seen
since I began reviewing – yes, that’s only been five, I know.
Stay tuned
for Mike Mears’ Postgame report. In the
meantime, do I love old-school wrestling?
YES! YES! YES!
HHH: You told me you broke their spirit!
ReplyDeleteShield: We did!
HHH: *SLAP* YOU BROKE NOTHING!
"It would be a way to use Twitter for good"
ReplyDeleteNO SUCH THING
full disclosure : I use the twitter-machines
ReplyDeleteWhen the roster lifted Daniel Bryan up to celebrate.. I totally got a Lex Luger Summerslam 1993 celebration vibe. I hope DB's run doesn't turn out like the Lex Express one did, unfortunately I think it is walking that dangerous tightrope at the moment.
ReplyDeleteAs long as his big moment isn't bodyslamming a really fat dude on a ship, I think he'll be okay.
ReplyDeleteI gave up on the live thread at 9:10 (10:10 ET) for some FFTactics. At that point, I considered WWE's current condition to be something like this:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=NbQArI16SgY#t=228
(If it's timed wrong, try 3:45. And look for the nWo car.)
Now... it has a solid pulse. Let's see if they can keep it going next week.
Huh -- so you weren't a fan of the Dusty/Steph/Shield/Show segment?
ReplyDeleteIt was good... but not quite enough to balance out most of the crap the last two nights were responsible for.
ReplyDeleteHe didn't get ten minutes into the fucking show with the title.
ReplyDeleteGaySex Predator
ReplyDeleteIf you were expecting *ANY* different, you need to either a) watch more wrestling or b) up the doseage
ReplyDeleteIT'S. NOT. A. REAL. TITLE.
ReplyDeleteFantastic.
ReplyDeleteIf Bryan doesn't get his goddamn moment with the title, whether it's "real" or not, he's going to wind up like Christian. And we all know how well things went for him when he won a world title and Orton took the damn thing from him. At least Christian got a week with it.
ReplyDeleteAnd then he got a month
ReplyDeleteAnd then he got to be a midcarder again. When's the last time his ass was even on TV? (That WWE show on Ion whose name I don't remember off the top of my head does NOT count.)
ReplyDeleteHrmm... and this has *what* to do with Daniel Bryan, precisely?
ReplyDeleteTo be fair, he did just have a title match at SummerSlam, plus he's getting injury-prone.
ReplyDeleteLast week
ReplyDeleteWE WANT KRUST......err, I mean YES, YES, YES, YES, YES!!!
ReplyDeleteI don't know what this means. Of course it's a real title. It's a real title given to a real person and is represented by a real belt.
ReplyDeleteA quick word on the people saying "HA! We Knew Bryan was fine--bitching after a month of beatdowns"
ReplyDeleteThose complaints were based on the assumption Bryan would lose at the PPV. Winning the title (even for a night) eliminates the fear of him being seen as a ginormous loser
I don't think the Christian comparison is apt here. It was always clear that they were never really willing to make Christian a top guy that could beat other top guys. On the other hand, Daniel Bryan's beaten both Randy Orton and John Cena, completely clean. He's never going to have the credibility problem that now plagues Christian.
ReplyDeleteI don't remember Christian getting the holliest of holy moments in the WWE, where Bryan, beat John Cena for the title CLEAN AS A SHEAT, NO CENA BEING DISTRACTED. Bryan was the better man that night. How many people in the E' get that honor?
ReplyDeleteIt's a parallel situation, both involving the GaySex Predator. Both won the title in feel-good moments, both got jacked out of the title by Orton, both got the title back via questionable circumstances. All that's left is for Orton to win again and Bryan to go shuffing along back to the midcard.
ReplyDeleteI want to be wrong here. But their track record speaks for itself.
Who'd he beat? (I quit watching WWE after Summerslam, and I may not pick it up again after this show.)
ReplyDeleteSo am I alone thinking that it will eventually be revealed that HHH had Armstrong fast count because he never truly believed in Randy? Not sure what good that does for natural heel Orton but that's at least where I see it going. Great finish tonight.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, for a long time I thought HHH had Armstrong fast-count Orton so that he could then claim Bryan did it. He told Armstrong to say something that HHH could interpret as a conspiracy -- which is why he said he'd "take care of" Armstrong.
ReplyDeleteBut in all seriousness, it'll depend on what Armstrong is allowed to say -- I think it's just as likely HHH chose to pretend he heard it so he could strip Bryan of the title.
He was beatdown by the Shield to explain an injury angle.
ReplyDeleteWhen you say GaySex Predator, you're already wrong.
ReplyDeleteDEFENSE RESTS, YOUR HONOR.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe HHH just slapped a beard on some wino.
ReplyDeleteReally? He got HURT. At least they allowed it to happen in a way that gives him a red-hot feud when he returns (likely with Ambrose). I'm sorry your favorite wrestler is hurt, though.
ReplyDeleteWell, one of my favorites. (I don't really like ranking them, it's like asking a parent to pick a favorite child.) How'd it look? Was it like the Mark Henry beatdown, he was holding his own until Roman speared him out of his boots?
ReplyDeleteDue to his concussion, they didn't risk it. They just dragged his carcass out from backstage and threw him at Edge's feet.
ReplyDeleteHey man have you considered doing ppv reports? I really like these.
ReplyDeleteBait and switch, isn't good.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't do much for all parties.
Thanks -- but I'm an official in a local rec hockey league on Sundays, so I'm never at home for them. I appreciate the compliment, though. If the guys on the Blogodoom want, I could always look up the results on WWE.com and do a general commentary on how it went.
ReplyDelete....OK, he had a concussion, so not having him actually get hit was the right move, but at the same time, the fact that he's been reduced to a prop in Operation Let's Put Our Most Important Belt On A Guy We'dve Fired Years Ago If He Weren't Someone Important's Kid And Friends With The Heir Apparent is still making my point.
ReplyDelete"Blogodoom"
ReplyDeleteAbout as over as "Blog Otters"
Great review as usual.
ReplyDeleteLooking fwd to actually watching RAW in 117 days.
OK, delusional smarkiness aside... we may have just witnessed the least-shitty Dusty Finish in the history of THIS BUSINESS.
ReplyDeleteYou know what he meant. Don't pretend to not know what he mean.
ReplyDeleteOMG they sent Fuj to outer space for his next mission...
ReplyDeleteI TOLD YOU PEOPLE STARGATE WAS REAL
Battleground Wargames!
ReplyDeleteDaniel Bryan and Flunkies vs HHH Orton and The Shield!
You're stuck on the superficial similarities. I mean, hey, the WWE does has a spectacular fuck it up track record, but again: even when Christian won the title, he wasn't beating a top guy, he was beating Alberto fucking Del Rio. And then the WWE explicitly went with the storyline of "Christian can't beat Randy Orton!" and pounded it into the fucking ground. Bryan doesn't have that problem here: he beat Orton even before Money In The Bank. Plus, tell me that Christian would've ever had the problems he had if he'd gotten to beat Cena clean. No way, no how.
ReplyDeleteThis may be a bit late, but I really love your review. Keep up the good work, my friend!
ReplyDeleteHe can be a 10 time Champion by the time WrestleMania comes. If the storyline doesn't end with Triple H eating knee followed by a 1-2-3, it's incomplete.
ReplyDeleteI think it's natural for the crowd to chant for Punk, since he didn't appear on the rest of the show. If the the feud with Heyman ends before this angle is over, I think it's perfect booking for when things look their bleakest in this storyline (Bryan looses his last shot at the title, Show gets fired, HHH books himself as champion or whatever) that the last guy to stand up is Punk. The guy who dropped the pipebomb, doesn't care if he gets fired, and stands up for what is tried and true (ice cream bars). If it ever does happen and Punk gets involved in this storyline the roof would blow off the place.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I'd rather he didn't. There's a good reason Punk is being kept in a parallel universe to this story, and it's the same reason Cena's injury couldn't be better-timed: I honestly think that if you put Punk next to Bryan in the story, Bryan would be overshadowed. In 1990, when Warrior had his title reign, a lot of people (Scott Keith included) thought Hogan should've taken a vacation because his mere presence diminished Warrior. Cena may have done the same to Bryan (although we'll never know), and I'm certain Punk running into the story would cause fans to want HIM to slay the beast instead.
ReplyDeleteRandy Orton kicked him in the balls.
ReplyDeleteI think eventually HHH gets physically involved eventually which means someone has to be in there with him. Punk would fit in there nicely while Bryan and Orton battle over the title,or vice versa. I think it works if you book Bryan and Punk on equal footing. I mean, Punk has been great for years but he's not Hulk Hogan and Bryan is certainly not Warrior. It would certainly be different if it were Cena (who is basically booked as Hogan in jean shorts) but with Punk I think it works. Who knows really? This Heyman feud could certainly go on forever.
ReplyDeleteA big FU to Dave Meltzer:
ReplyDeletehttps://mobile.twitter.com/WWEAJLee/status/379740658296430592/photo/1
Much better without the smothering smarkiness.
ReplyDeleteCody Rhodes - All creative has to do is have Cody come back and make a big save (Daniel Bryan) during a heel beat down. His face heat will be huge and he will be a made man as a face. Let's see how WWE "creative" screws this up.
ReplyDeleteIf I had to hazard a guess, I'd say that they have Stephanie pedigree Cody just as he's trying to save either his Dad or Dustin, and then have the Shield destroy all three Rhodes as Steroid Steph looks on with glee.
ReplyDeleteI don't have anything against whoever coined "Blog Otters", but if I have to read it here again I'll de-clit their mothers. I'd rather be met with "greetings, Cum Guzzlers!"
ReplyDeleteIt's a big improvement, and while there were a few errors here and there they're not worth bringing up.
ReplyDelete...So he proclaimed Randy was the chosen one and had him beat Bryan, only to screw him over a month later back to Bryan? What?
ReplyDeleteThe goddamn Christians got nothin' to do with it!
ReplyDeleteNowadays, Christian isn't nearly over as his brother, Muslim.
ReplyDeleteAlso Dude, "GaySex Predator" is not the preferred nomenclature. "Douchebag Sex Offender", please.
ReplyDeleteI'm just pissed Christian never got a win over Atheist.
ReplyDeleteAre you related to Dean Pennyalew?
ReplyDeleteI want to book a match and have it end with a Dustbuster Finish.
ReplyDeleteWhen the roster lifted Daniel Bryan up to celebrate, I got a Jewish wedding vibe.
ReplyDeleteI know there are some differences; Bryan wasn't sitting on the chair, and he's not affiliated with the Illuminati. His beard would make a rabbi proud, though.
I'd pay to see that.
ReplyDeleteWell yeah, he was stripped of it in the opening segment. If they did it at the end, he would've lasted the whole way through.
ReplyDelete"both got jacked"
ReplyDeleteFUCKIN' HOMERUN, CHARLIE!!
Being a Jew myself.. I'm totally shocked I didn't get the wedding vibe as well. Though I'm sure if DB does become a bonafide long-term main event draw I'll make sure my Illuminati relatives send him a membership invite.
ReplyDeleteVirgil Runnels stopped the What!? chants. Just by being interesting.
ReplyDeleteThat's a professional. I've no sympathy for anybody who lets those chants ruin their promo.
Use that as a call to rise to the occasion and step up your game.
Dude, Daniel Bryan in the Illuminati? He'll be UNSTOPPABLE.
ReplyDeleteA few observations about Mizs dad
ReplyDelete1) he looks like a guy that would be fun to do drugs with
2) chances are he drives an old trans am with a loud engine
3) he looks like every guy you see in shitty strip clubs
4) he has at least 2 white snake albums he still listens to
Im to lazy to continue disliking the Bryan angle so am gonna embrace it and hope they go completely over the top with it...
ReplyDeleteHHH comes next week and presents himself the title while squashing Bryan in a promo. He then whips his penis out to show the audience how big and vascular it is due to the penis exercises he does. Kevin Nash then comes out of the crowd, powerbombs Bryan, who came out to try and get Hunter to put his cock away, and they each cut another promo ripping on smart fans, telling us workrate is overrated, accusing us all of living in our parents basements.
Still of the Night is awesome.
ReplyDeleteSo you jumped to a conclusion and complained about something sight unseen, were wrong and are still trying to defend it?
ReplyDeleteNeeds more gaysex predator.
ReplyDeleteHahahaha
ReplyDelete...Or will he?!?!?!?
ReplyDelete(you can add that to any Illuminati, OWG, Freemasons etc... discussion and it ALWAYS makes sense)
5) Was unaware that heavy drinking and peyote use before conception could lead to Down Syndrome symptoms
ReplyDeleteJesse Ventura: "9/11 was an inside job! The government flew goats into those buildings!"
ReplyDeleteI never outright criticized the angle, just voiced some conecerns. I'm empathyzing with those who were more openly hating the angle
ReplyDelete...or DID they?!?!?!??!?!
ReplyDelete(See?)
So...for the barricade assisted DDT, why didn't Miz's dad just grab on to his leg to stop it? He literally stood 6 inches away and let it happen.
ReplyDeleteAlso, appeared that Kofi was legit hurt by that spear, but I enjoyed his futile attempts to do the YES pointing.
That doesn't really look like a date, but I can't tell for sure... and sadly this picture isn't slightly lower. :(
ReplyDeleteIt seems that she prefers the unary system of numbering.
ReplyDeleteand yet you sort of did. Ta da!
ReplyDeleteCareful, you NEVER want to go full-on Baker. It's hazardous to your health.
ReplyDeleteRule #1 of fantasy booking is the WCW Tropic Thunder rule: "Never go full Russo."
ReplyDeleteWherever I go, I leave a waft of cuntiness. I'm a vapour of shit.
ReplyDeleteDid he ever beat Jesus?
ReplyDeleteDid you have to use his real name that nobody calls him by, though?
ReplyDeleteBut yeah, that fat cunt can sure cut a promo, daddy.
It looks like rows of four vertical lines with strikes through them, like you'd mark on your prison wall.
ReplyDelete...Which really adds to the craziness/hotness of AJ. Boing!
ReplyDeleteI don't know if he ever wrestled John Cena's bodyguard.
ReplyDeleteI always thought the holliest of moments was getting to beat Hogan clean but I might just be living in the past.
ReplyDeleteI didn't know the stuff you hang above a door during Christmas was a type of moment.
ReplyDeleteYou know it didn't occur to me until last night that they gave Cody some time off to get married and go on his honeymoon. Pretty nice of them actually
ReplyDeleteWhen you get dragged into an argument with a guy who uses GaySex Predator as an insult, you've already lost.
ReplyDeleteIT WAS A BIG LEBOWSKI REFERENCE AND A BRILLIANT ONE AT THAT. ALSO, I'M POSTWHORING TONIGHT BECAUSE I LIVE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD AND CAN'T JOIN IN ON THE LIVE THREADS.
ReplyDeleteAlso, you're a GaySex Predator.
ReplyDeleteSerious question: now that we're no longer in the Attitude era and men beating the crap out of women is taboo (and that's a good thing), how exactly does Stephanie get her comeuppance? I mean, obviously Big Show can KO HHH and beat the shit out of him, but how does he, and everyone else for that matter, get over on Daddy's Little Girl?
ReplyDeleteI suppose Vince will reappear at some point as the face to the HHH/Stephanie heel tandem and fire her or something, but does that emphatically put the faces over?
"men beating the crap out of women is taboo (and that's a good thing)"
ReplyDeleteHow am I supposed to be entertained, then?
*ALTERNATE POST*
ReplyDeleteMen beating the crap out of women isn't a BAD THING, that's A GOOD THING!! /DDP
The only way Creative could screw this up would be to rename him to 'Choady Rhodes', a wrestler whose girthy penis is thicker than it is long.
ReplyDeleteLet me preface it by saying this will NEVER happen, because this wasn't a Vince McMahon creation, but just imagine a WarGames with Randy Orton+The Shield vs. Daniel Bryan, Cody, Dustin, andone other person (The Miz?????) - in the match Dusty created, with his kids fighting to avenge his honor.....imagine the possibilities.
ReplyDeleteCan you imagine the big babyface pop the Big Show is going to get when he finally snaps and kills HHH and/or Stephanie??????
ReplyDelete"imagine the possibilities"
ReplyDeleteOne team would win, the other would lose, no blood would be spilled... madness.
Except he could slip and land on a newborn infant and his career would be over.
ReplyDeleteWhy are you giving those morons ideas?
ReplyDelete...You don't like Choady?
ReplyDeleteThey could always involve one of the divas in the feud as it starts to wind down to take Stephanie down, but more than likely, she'll just fade as the McMahon-Helmsley regime part whatever ends.
ReplyDeleteI don't view it as he screwed Orton... I see it as HHH protecting what he believes is best for THIS BUSINESS. I think it will be revealed that HHH told Armstrong to fast count if Orton was in trouble. This would give HHH an excuse to strip Bryan. This scenario could also lead to the rumored HHH vs Vince's guy at Mania. Could just cause descention in the McMahon ranks if HHH never truly believed in Orton. Just a thought.
ReplyDeleteI thought Hogan did take a vacation? Unless Get Well Hulk and the friendship bracelets were just a dream.
ReplyDeleteWhich in principle is not a bad idea, except that the only diva with any credibility is AJ, and while AJ has had run-ins with Stephanie before I can't picture her turning face.
ReplyDeleteMaybe Big Show should just put Stephanie over his knee and spank the hell out of her.
Wonder if their penis's would work a lucha libra style, attitude era main event style, or if itd be more mat based.
ReplyDeleteBut they were wrong in their assumptions, bitched about their own wrong assumption and have no reason to be defended.
ReplyDelete"Titles mean nothing" isn't a positive in pro wrestling so I'm not sure what his point is.
ReplyDeleteWell you see, the holly bears the crown, as Bryan has now briefly done twice.
ReplyDeleteHe specified that he was there as Virgil Runnels and NOT as Dusty Rhodes! Dusty Rhodes didn't do shit last night.
ReplyDeleteShes gonna lose her power at some point, probably to Vince. Or she never has to show ass, no sells a WMD punch, and reveals that she has the biggest grapefruits in the family
ReplyDeleteI can absolutely picture AJ turning face. Really, the things she represents in her mic work make her character a much more likeable person to me than any of the other divas. The only hang-up would be the fact that WWE acknowledging AJ as a face would implicitly be acknowledging that basically every other female character they have is portraying a dumb shallow bimbo with only a passing interest in being an athletic competitor.
ReplyDeleteVince would have a field day with that. The shit hed make him shove in his trunks...
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I had zero interest in the show so I just want to say I really enjoyed this review. A worthy successor to Scott. So good job buddy.
ReplyDeleteAs for the show itself...sounds like fun, but what's the point of PPVs anymore?? They've become a TV show. I wonder if they'd be better served at this point (since the WWE Network ain't happening) to air PPVs like Night of Champions on USA on Sunday night and draw another big rating for the network.
There are really only 4 shows worth buying (Rumble, WrestleMania, MitB & SummerSlam) and the only 4 shows that seem to have payoffs. And since they're only getting like 100k buys anyway for these shows...they'd probably make more money on advertising to an audience on 5+ million on a Sunday night.
Just my 2 cents but this Raw show sounds about 8 million times better than the PPV on Sunday, including a more satisfying payoff.
I'm thinking Vince was responsible for the fast count because he feels that HHH is getting too big for his britches.
ReplyDeleteTrips called it a BELT. He be in for a scalding.
ReplyDeleteI kinda figured part of the reason Big Show punched Dusty (both in reality and in "show reality") was because it's less damaging- getting punched in the face, even by the big show, isn't as devastating as a chair aided beatdown, and the way they wrote it, Dusty didn't have to actually take a bump, Show just guided him down. It'd be harder to make that a convincing outcome with a shield 3 on 1.
ReplyDeleteOr he could become the new Gene Snitsky!
ReplyDeletePaul Heyman likes this!
ReplyDelete**Cue Rhino pulverising Jasmin St Claire and Sandman's wife before going on a tangent about their rotten gashes**
Hey, that wasn't his fault!
ReplyDeleteThey could easily bring Kaitlyn into the story, as she's still as babyface-over as any Diva they have. Ziggler or Big Show asks her to talk to Stephanie on their behalf, woman to woman, but Steph of course reacts like a heel and puts Kaitlyn on her s*** list. So when it's time for Steph to get hers, Kaitlyn can spear her and there doesn't have to be any man-on-woman violence.
ReplyDeleteI was wondering why Miz's dad didn't do ANYTHING during the whole beatdown. He didn't even look that bothered, as opposed to the mom, who at least did a semi-decent acting job. I don't care how old I am and how big the other guy is, if some guy is beating the crap out of my son two feet away from me, I'd be compelled to at least take a swing at him.
ReplyDeleteHow is that an FU to Meltzer? Serious question, as I wasn't aware they had some issue between them.
ReplyDeleteYes, this is a big problem. Especially considering she's far worse than Trips. She's just mean and personal. And of course because men can't bump women anymore, she'll skate.
ReplyDeleteHow does she show ass? By having Big Show drive a forklift through the place where she buys pantsuits?
Yup. And who says Vince is heartless?
ReplyDeleteAJ is so much better than every other female (and a good deal of the men) on the roster that it really wouldn't be hard to turn her face.
ReplyDeleteHell, even her booking has been facelike. She's what? Beaten everybody clean as a sheet by tapping them right out.
And why couldn't the Corporation 2.0 choose Brie as their icon. I bet AJ could take a triple powerbomb.
He remembered what Orton did to Cena's dad...
ReplyDelete