Impact
Wrestling
Date:
December 12, 2013
Location:
Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators:
Mike Tenay, Tazz
Reviewed by Tommy Hall
The
tournament is finally down to two entrants with Magnus and Jeff Hardy
left to square off for the title. Thankfully they're giving us a
week off from the matches to get ready for the title match instead of
just blasting through it tonight. We do however have Feast or Fired
tonight, with a shot at all the male titles and a pink slip up for
grabs. Let's get to it.
We
open with a recap of Dixie trying to get the title back last week.
Rockstar
Spud is driving near Gainsville, Georgia as he tries find AJ's house.
In
the arena, JB is standing next to four briefcases and the Wheel of
Dixie. Inside the four cases are a World Title shot, an X-Division
Title shot, a Tag Team Title shot and a pink slip. We'll get to
those later though as we need to find out the stipulations for the
tournament final. Before we can talk about gimmick match #2 though,
here's Angle to clear the ring and call out Bobby Roode to end this
once and for all.
Roode
comes out and says he'll fight but not right now. He was eliminated
from the tournament by falling through a table. Angle was eliminated
because ever since he passed on the Hall of Fame, Roode has beaten
him. Kurt says he could beat Roode twice in one night and the fight
is on again. Security comes out to break it up and Roode gets in a
low blow. Next week is Final Resolution and Bobby wants a 2/3 falls
match.
We
look back at Bad Influence vs. Joseph Park, focusing on Bad Influence
finding out that the Park Park and Park law offices closed years ago.
Eric
Young has a plan for the match and asks Park to trust him.
Joseph
Park/Eric Young vs. Bad Influence
Young
takes Daniels down to start before bringing in a hesitant Park. Off
to Kaz vs. Eric with Young raining down right hands in the corner.
Back to Park as the fast tags continue and Tenay plugs every internet
feature the company can think of. A knee to Park's gut puts him down
and Bad Influence takes turns pounding on him. Par fights back but
gets nervous again, so Eric gives him a few hard right hands to the
face, busting him open. Abyss mode ensues and Kaz is Black Hole
Slammed for the pin at 5:45.
Rating:
D+. I still don't get the
appeal of Eric Young. He isn't particularly funny, he isn't anything
special in the ring, he doesn't do anything that others couldn't do
just as well, but he's kept a job for several years now. Bad
Influence on the other hand is actually funny and can put on good
matches, which is clearly why they're stuck in feuds like this one.
Post
match Eric tells Park that he's Abyss, which apparently no one
suggested to him in 18 months.
Ethan
Carter III is getting massaged before he has a Hall of Fame moment
tonight. It's going to make social media explode.
Here's
Carter for his match but he makes sure to tell Brian Hebner that he
has nothing to worry about. Tonight Carter is going to face TNA's
social media guru: Jeremy Borash. JB makes a hilarious terrified
face like he just saw TNA's PPV numbers but Sting of all people
interrupts Carter.
Sting
asks if he can shake Carter's hands because Carter is a skyrocket.
Carter is shooting for the stars but he hasn't accomplished anything
at all. Sting isn't cool with this because Carter is just riding his
family and last name through doors that never should have been opened
for him. There's a big match coming up tonight called Feast or Fired
and Carter can either enter or fight Sting right now. Carter gets in
Sting's face and says it's on, meaning he'll enter Feast or Fired.
Spud
is still looking for AJ's house but finds a gas station attendant who
says Styles hangs out at a bar down the road.
Gail
Kim vs. ODB
This
is supposed to be the open challenge but Gail says she's beaten ODB
too many times already. ODB says she's here to fight Tapa though and
the brawl is on. Gail gets involved though and ODB gets double
teamed down until Madison Rayne (looking great with long reddish
brown hair) returns to make the save.
Spud
finds the bar and imitates a redneck to get some service. He calls
AJ Alan Jones (his real name) and is told he'll get information for a
drink. Spud puts down a dollar bill and asks for some mixed drink,
getting a beer with a lemon instead.
Post
match Spud sings karaoke and is thrown out.
Video
outlining Feast or Fired.
James
Storm and Gunner apologize to each other and say good luck in the
match tonight.
Spud
keeps looking and walks off into the dark with a flashlight.
Here's
Dixie Carter to oversee the face to face meeting between Hardy and
Magnus. Earlier tonight Angle destroyed the Wheel of Dixie but
she'll give him the 2/3 falls match anyway. That brings her to AJ
Styles, who is still making a mockery of her world title. Next week
though she gets a new world champion and brings out the competitors.
Hardy talks about winning the Bound For Glory Series last year and
promises to win the title again next week.
Magnus
says he sees Hardy as the best today and the final obstacle. Dixie
says the final match will be called Dixieland and we get a video
explaining the concept. The match starts in a cage and you have to
climb over the top and go up the ramp and climb a ladder to pull down
the belt. I'm sure this isn't going to be overbooked at all. Dixie
promises to make the winner the face of TNA and let them become the
most important person in the company.
Velvet
says she has Sabin's back tonight in his title match, even though
Sabin seems oblivious to her.
Spud
breaks into presumably AJ's house and finds the belt in a bag on the
coffee table. AJ comes down the stairs and is incredibly calm
considering someone broke into his home. Apparently people had
called him and told him to expect a British guy, hence why the door
was open. AJ says we can either call the cops or call some of his
buddies. Spud leaves the belt and runs away as AJ slams the door.
Anderson
says he had fun at the funeral but now it's time to get the world
title back.
X-Division
Title: Chris Sabin vs. Austin Aries
Sabin
is defending. Aries sends him into the corner to start and takes a
victory lap, including a look at Sky. The distraction lets Aries
slide back in for a baseball slide to take out Sabin, only to have
the champion send him face first into the apron. A gutbuster gets
three straight near falls for Sabin and he drapes Aries ribs first
across the top rope for the same.
Aries
comes right back by draping Sabin's ribs across the top and pounding
away at Chris' head. A forearm puts Sabin on the floor but Aries
throws him back in for a missile dropkick. Sabin stops a charging
Aries with a boot to the face but Austin Japanese armdrags the
champion into the corner. Chris rolls him up for two but the kickout
nearly sends Sabin into Velvet. The distraction lets Aries hit the
brainbuster for the pin and the title at 6:08.
Rating:
C. Not bad here and maybe this
can get the title to mean something for a few weeks. The belt has
been worthless since BFG as it always is around this time of year.
It's just a toy that TNA dusts off every now and then to make it seem
like it matters but it'll be nothing again in a few weeks.
Post
break Sabin gets in Aries' face but Aries says he'll enter Feast or
Fired and then steal Velvet.
Magnus
talks about winning the world title but gets a phone call.
Preview
for next week's Final Resolution with Angle vs. Roode and Jeff vs.
Magnus.
Feast
or Fired
Mr.
Anderson, Curry Man, Samoa Joe, Dewey Barnes, Norv Fernum, Chris
Sabin, Chavo Guerrero, Hernandez, Zema Ion, James Storm, Gunner,
Austin Aries, Ethan Carter III
Anderson
comes out to do his entrance but Bully Ray jumps him from behind and
piledrives Anderson on the stage. Ray talks about evil standing
strong over good in what sounds like a quote from a rather epic
speech. He says Anderson's wife is pregnant with twins but Ray will
be responsible for their future.
As
for the match, there's a briefcase at each corner of the ring and
whoever gets the case gets whatever is inside. That could be a shot
at the World, Tag Team or X-Division Titles or a pink slip. The bell
rings and Curry Man immediately walks out and Sabin bails to the
floor. Fernum and Barnes both miss dives but Aries dives on everyone
to take them out. Ion dropkicks Aries through the ropes and SuperMex
launches himself over the top rope to take everyone out. Gunner
backdrops storm onto them as Norm and Dewey hit dives of their own.
Joe hits the suicide elbow to take the jobbers out and the ring is
empty.
Carter
gets back in the ring and gets case #3 as we take a break. Back with
Joe destroying everyone in sight until Barnes and Fernum throw him to
the floor. They both go up top but Ion shoves them to the floor,
allowing him to grab case #2. Most of the people get back inside and
it's Aries diving onto Storm and Hernandez. A discus lariat staggers
Hernandez and Aries hits some running dropkicks in the corner. He
sends Barnes and Fernum into each other before going up top for a 450
onto both guys.
Austin
goes for a case but Sabin makes a save, only to be sent into the
steps. Joe, Chavo and Hernandez get back inside with Chavo being
launched into the corner where he grabs case #4. Gunner and Storm
get back inside but have to deal with Hernandez. Dewey and Norv come
back in to try a superplex on Hernandez but Gunner powerbombs him
down to make it a Tower of Doom. Storm Last Calls Joe to the floor
but Gunner crotches him and takes the case to end the match at 14:11.
Rating:
C+. This is always a hard match
to grade as there are four winners and technically no losers. The
whole point of the match is the drama of the cases being opened next
week and not really about the action here. Gunner turning on Storm
is kind of interesting but nothing out of the ordinary. Still
though, decent enough stuff.
Dixie
is sitting at a dinner table when Jeff Hardy comes in. He accepts a
glass of wine as the show ends.
Overall
Rating: D+. This show was
really chatty. We had one match in the first hour and then a lot of
talking. Then there was another match and we talked some more, then
we had Feast or Fired to end things. Last week's show worked because
they threw a lot of stuff at us to keep it interesting, but tonight
was all about only a handful of angles which got repetitive quickly.
It's not a horrible show but it was there to set up future stuff
which doesn't make for the most entertaining two hours.
Results
Joseph
Park/Eric Young b. Bad Influence – Black Hole Slam to Kazarian
Austin
Aries b. Chris Sabin – Brainbuster
Ethan
Carter III, Zema Ion, Chavo Guerrero and Gunner won Feast or Fired
Remember to check out my website at kbwrestlingreviews.com and head over to my Amazon author page with wrestling books for just $4 at:
http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6
Not to fantasy book, but...
ReplyDeleteIt'd be ace if a briefcase is open, and the recipient begins celebrating without revealing its contents. Somebody knocks him out , takes the briefcase and opens it...to reveal a pink slip and is thusly 'fired'. I don't know why, but the thought of it cracks me up.
That would be funny.
ReplyDeleteI watched 0 seconds of this. That's my expert analysis
ReplyDeleteYou missed some slight continuity.
ReplyDeleteThey explained why someone would compete for a 25% chance of being fired?
ReplyDeleteWhat I'd hope the cases are:
ReplyDeleteWorld: EC3 (best option IMO)
X-Div: Ion (Aries KILL)
Tag: Gunner (Time to break them up, I guess)
Pink: Chavo (Fuck Off, Do Not Pass Go, No Longer Waste Money.)
What they'll be:
World: Chavo
X-Div: EC3 or Gunner
Tag: Ion or EC3
Pink: Gunner or Ion
... because refusing the match might make you 100% fired?
ReplyDeleteAnd it's less than a 8% chance... there are nine others who didn't even get a case.
hey any show with dewey and norv in the main event is an A+ in my book!
ReplyDeleteNo, it's a 25% chance of termination (1 of 4 briefcases) that they are competing for. The odds of winning are not factored in.
ReplyDeleteAnd although I didn't watch, weren't there some promos of guys demanding to be entered into the match?
Smart-ass answer now:
ReplyDeleteMaybe they considered being fired "not a bad thing". Or, in EC3's case... Auntie Dixie can just hire him back.
"Dixie is sitting at a dinner table when Jeff Hardy comes in. He accepts a glass of wine as the show ends."
ReplyDeleteFirst of all...ending on a cliff-hanger in a pre-taped segment? Is this suddenly Breaking Bad?
And secondly, isn't Jeff sober now?
If it was Breaking Bad, the ratings would be higher, and it'd be booked better.
ReplyDeleteThe wrestling would be about the same.
As do I.
ReplyDeleteStacy Keibler tops my list as the hottest, easily.
The only people I could see it making sense for are the curtain-jerking jobber types who would never, ever receive a world title shot in their careers otherwise, and they decide "fuck it, it's worth the risk" for a shot at the big belt.
ReplyDeletewasn't madison pregnant? didnt hear anything about her having the baby, though
ReplyDeleteand did spud suffer a stroke or bells palsy at some point? he talks out of one side of his mouth
It's just...I'd be fine with wrestling getting more out there with character motivations and feuds, but don't steal directly from dramatic televisions camerawork and episode structure.
ReplyDeleteI'd love to see an instance where Triple H feeds off of the hottest thing, because then I'd see something I'd never seen before.
ReplyDeleteOh that's right, anything that involves Triple H is automatically bad. That Daniel Bryan angle would have worked out just fine if Triple H wasn't a player because Randy Orton would have held the fans' interest. What a joke.
I agree. Talk about getting more than your money's worth. $12 a month for a ppv quality show and the archives. Bring it.
ReplyDeleteWhy not? They stole their current main event storyline directly from the #1 wrestling promotion in the world.
ReplyDeleteBully Ray's promo was In The Beginning by Motley Crüe.
ReplyDeleteGlad you enjoy and thanks for listening! And sorry hah!
ReplyDeleteHa, I used to do the same. I have no idea what's so unwinding about it. I'd fall asleep to the greatest matches too... hmmm....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
ReplyDeleteOh please, like he didn't leech off of Eugene (see Scott's recent article) or CM Punk shortly after pipe bomb incident.
ReplyDeleteEugene was laughable. He was cute for the first month and then became a petulant annoyance to almost everyone in the IWC, that is until HHHitler was his opponent which changed everyone's minds. How exactly did the former world champion who was the top heel on the show and the leader of a stable that included Ric Flair leech the heat from that midcard gimmick, anyway?
ReplyDeleteThe CM Punk situation in 2011 has been discussed to death. Whatever the hell the idiots in WWE brass were thinking when they botched the transference of storylines from Punk/Cena to Punk/Cena/HHH to Cena/Punk/ADR to Nash/Punk to Nash/HHH is beyond anyone. Nothing got resolved in that mess and nobody got more over than they were, but repetitive hive mind would have people believe that Triple H profited from the fallout as if Cena and Punk were buried.
And... Lesnar? Okay, Cena was the one who leeched Brock's heat and aura and threw it into a black hole. Triple H feuded with him and nobody ever cared to see the two fight, so naturally it didn't work past SummerSlam, and they just do not have the chemistry in the ring. Now, remind me of who won the feud, because I seem to remember Brock winning the rubber match. I could be wrong.
And before you give the old "but Triple H wins the match that matters like he did at WrestleMania" excuse, traditionally babyfaces win their WM matches and to smarks that would be the case for anyone else, but not Trips. If he wanted to leech the heat from Brock, he would have done it on his first match back.
Like I said below, that looks like a lot of harmless fun.
ReplyDeletePlease stop saying 'hence why'.
ReplyDeleteI really think the only idea that can save TNA (and I hate to fantasy book) is the return of the AWA Team Challenge Series.
ReplyDeleteWow. Fucking....wow.
ReplyDeleteIs it just me, or is Miz the only one in that trailer that bears absolutely no resemblance to his real life appearance?
Not sure why someone would downvote that but I agree with you 100%. For me, it's a total no-brainer.
ReplyDeleteBecause hence means therefore. Therefore, you don't need why. Hence the door was open. Not hence why the door was open.
ReplyDeleteCM Punk: Hey Daphne, are you a CM Punk girl?
ReplyDeleteI'm just trying to figure out why they have the wrong Kane.
ReplyDeleteMakes sense. Push the ones closest to you. Especially yourself.
ReplyDeleteHey all, this was my question. So again, the thing I just don't get about this is where they think this giant subscriber base (they need a million to break EVEN?) is going to come from. The non-wrestling programs (Legends House) are worthless. The classic stuff has a limited audience, and the PPVs aside from Mania hover around 200,000 per month. How the fuck do they even think they're gonna approach one million subscribers? And if it's not part of a cable package then that means no rights fees and no advertiser dollars.
ReplyDeleteObviously they've thought this through way more than I have, but I'm still not seeing how this ends up working out for them. To me it would make way more sense to make a deal with Netflix and/or Hulu Plus, giving them all the archives On Demand in exchange for a rights fee every year. (I assume those services pay content providers on a sliding scale based on how much users stream their content?)
And as for the PPVs, yeah that's a great deal for us and I'm totally in, but again— doesn't the whole network seem like it's just a subscription-based price reduction on the PPVs?
Because AuthoriKane has no place in the Scooby Doo Universe.
ReplyDeleteWhich makes me a little sad....
What about injury prone Sin Cara?
ReplyDeleteJust screams comic relief.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I hope at least someone in one of these matches has just stepped out to the floor, crossed their arms and been like, "Nope. I can get one of these titles the regular way. Plus like I give a shit about getting the tag title opportunity and having to slap a team together."
ReplyDeleteTo the people who actually watch wrestling and get the joke. Hey, that's how they catch the monster. Sin Cara will be in the process of training and instead of landing on a dummy or mat, he knocks out the monster.
ReplyDeleteThat MUST be how this ends, or GTFO.
ReplyDelete"The bell rings and Curry Man immediately walks out..."
ReplyDeleteWell, you can hardly blame the guy. He remembers the last time he got one of those briefcases. Hint: He didn't become the Fired champion.
Because stealing from wrestling companies for wrestling angles makes sense. Stealing from the HBO structure of television makes no sense. They're two entirely different things with entirely separate suspensions of disbelief and entire lay-outs.
ReplyDeleteWherefore also means why.
ReplyDeleteSorry, I didn't mean that so literally. I was just making fun of TNA.
ReplyDeleteI'm attempting serious analysis of TNA...which is a mistake. I should try to retain my sanity and blank out this stupid shit.
ReplyDeleteNo problem, I was just being snarky.
ReplyDeleteThough really, when you think about it, they're not ripping off general concepts or decades old/classic angle, they're pretty much plagiarizing the main event angle WWE was running less than 2.5 years ago. I don't think it can get much worse than that.
With AJ Styles, who I love, instead of CM Punk.
ReplyDelete