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Impact Wrestling - December 12, 2013

Impact Wrestling
Date: December 12, 2013
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

Reviewed by Tommy Hall

The tournament is finally down to two entrants with Magnus and Jeff Hardy left to square off for the title. Thankfully they're giving us a week off from the matches to get ready for the title match instead of just blasting through it tonight. We do however have Feast or Fired tonight, with a shot at all the male titles and a pink slip up for grabs. Let's get to it.

We open with a recap of Dixie trying to get the title back last week.

Rockstar Spud is driving near Gainsville, Georgia as he tries find AJ's house.

In the arena, JB is standing next to four briefcases and the Wheel of Dixie. Inside the four cases are a World Title shot, an X-Division Title shot, a Tag Team Title shot and a pink slip. We'll get to those later though as we need to find out the stipulations for the tournament final. Before we can talk about gimmick match #2 though, here's Angle to clear the ring and call out Bobby Roode to end this once and for all.

Roode comes out and says he'll fight but not right now. He was eliminated from the tournament by falling through a table. Angle was eliminated because ever since he passed on the Hall of Fame, Roode has beaten him. Kurt says he could beat Roode twice in one night and the fight is on again. Security comes out to break it up and Roode gets in a low blow. Next week is Final Resolution and Bobby wants a 2/3 falls match.

We look back at Bad Influence vs. Joseph Park, focusing on Bad Influence finding out that the Park Park and Park law offices closed years ago.

Eric Young has a plan for the match and asks Park to trust him.

Joseph Park/Eric Young vs. Bad Influence

Young takes Daniels down to start before bringing in a hesitant Park. Off to Kaz vs. Eric with Young raining down right hands in the corner. Back to Park as the fast tags continue and Tenay plugs every internet feature the company can think of. A knee to Park's gut puts him down and Bad Influence takes turns pounding on him. Par fights back but gets nervous again, so Eric gives him a few hard right hands to the face, busting him open. Abyss mode ensues and Kaz is Black Hole Slammed for the pin at 5:45.

Rating: D+. I still don't get the appeal of Eric Young. He isn't particularly funny, he isn't anything special in the ring, he doesn't do anything that others couldn't do just as well, but he's kept a job for several years now. Bad Influence on the other hand is actually funny and can put on good matches, which is clearly why they're stuck in feuds like this one.

Post match Eric tells Park that he's Abyss, which apparently no one suggested to him in 18 months.

Ethan Carter III is getting massaged before he has a Hall of Fame moment tonight. It's going to make social media explode.

Here's Carter for his match but he makes sure to tell Brian Hebner that he has nothing to worry about. Tonight Carter is going to face TNA's social media guru: Jeremy Borash. JB makes a hilarious terrified face like he just saw TNA's PPV numbers but Sting of all people interrupts Carter.

Sting asks if he can shake Carter's hands because Carter is a skyrocket. Carter is shooting for the stars but he hasn't accomplished anything at all. Sting isn't cool with this because Carter is just riding his family and last name through doors that never should have been opened for him. There's a big match coming up tonight called Feast or Fired and Carter can either enter or fight Sting right now. Carter gets in Sting's face and says it's on, meaning he'll enter Feast or Fired.

Spud is still looking for AJ's house but finds a gas station attendant who says Styles hangs out at a bar down the road.

Gail Kim vs. ODB

This is supposed to be the open challenge but Gail says she's beaten ODB too many times already. ODB says she's here to fight Tapa though and the brawl is on. Gail gets involved though and ODB gets double teamed down until Madison Rayne (looking great with long reddish brown hair) returns to make the save.

Spud finds the bar and imitates a redneck to get some service. He calls AJ Alan Jones (his real name) and is told he'll get information for a drink. Spud puts down a dollar bill and asks for some mixed drink, getting a beer with a lemon instead.

Post match Spud sings karaoke and is thrown out.

Video outlining Feast or Fired.

James Storm and Gunner apologize to each other and say good luck in the match tonight.

Spud keeps looking and walks off into the dark with a flashlight.

Here's Dixie Carter to oversee the face to face meeting between Hardy and Magnus. Earlier tonight Angle destroyed the Wheel of Dixie but she'll give him the 2/3 falls match anyway. That brings her to AJ Styles, who is still making a mockery of her world title. Next week though she gets a new world champion and brings out the competitors. Hardy talks about winning the Bound For Glory Series last year and promises to win the title again next week.

Magnus says he sees Hardy as the best today and the final obstacle. Dixie says the final match will be called Dixieland and we get a video explaining the concept. The match starts in a cage and you have to climb over the top and go up the ramp and climb a ladder to pull down the belt. I'm sure this isn't going to be overbooked at all. Dixie promises to make the winner the face of TNA and let them become the most important person in the company.

Velvet says she has Sabin's back tonight in his title match, even though Sabin seems oblivious to her.

Spud breaks into presumably AJ's house and finds the belt in a bag on the coffee table. AJ comes down the stairs and is incredibly calm considering someone broke into his home. Apparently people had called him and told him to expect a British guy, hence why the door was open. AJ says we can either call the cops or call some of his buddies. Spud leaves the belt and runs away as AJ slams the door.

Anderson says he had fun at the funeral but now it's time to get the world title back.

X-Division Title: Chris Sabin vs. Austin Aries

Sabin is defending. Aries sends him into the corner to start and takes a victory lap, including a look at Sky. The distraction lets Aries slide back in for a baseball slide to take out Sabin, only to have the champion send him face first into the apron. A gutbuster gets three straight near falls for Sabin and he drapes Aries ribs first across the top rope for the same.

Aries comes right back by draping Sabin's ribs across the top and pounding away at Chris' head. A forearm puts Sabin on the floor but Aries throws him back in for a missile dropkick. Sabin stops a charging Aries with a boot to the face but Austin Japanese armdrags the champion into the corner. Chris rolls him up for two but the kickout nearly sends Sabin into Velvet. The distraction lets Aries hit the brainbuster for the pin and the title at 6:08.

Rating: C. Not bad here and maybe this can get the title to mean something for a few weeks. The belt has been worthless since BFG as it always is around this time of year. It's just a toy that TNA dusts off every now and then to make it seem like it matters but it'll be nothing again in a few weeks.

Post break Sabin gets in Aries' face but Aries says he'll enter Feast or Fired and then steal Velvet.

Magnus talks about winning the world title but gets a phone call.

Preview for next week's Final Resolution with Angle vs. Roode and Jeff vs. Magnus.

Feast or Fired

Mr. Anderson, Curry Man, Samoa Joe, Dewey Barnes, Norv Fernum, Chris Sabin, Chavo Guerrero, Hernandez, Zema Ion, James Storm, Gunner, Austin Aries, Ethan Carter III

Anderson comes out to do his entrance but Bully Ray jumps him from behind and piledrives Anderson on the stage. Ray talks about evil standing strong over good in what sounds like a quote from a rather epic speech. He says Anderson's wife is pregnant with twins but Ray will be responsible for their future.

As for the match, there's a briefcase at each corner of the ring and whoever gets the case gets whatever is inside. That could be a shot at the World, Tag Team or X-Division Titles or a pink slip. The bell rings and Curry Man immediately walks out and Sabin bails to the floor. Fernum and Barnes both miss dives but Aries dives on everyone to take them out. Ion dropkicks Aries through the ropes and SuperMex launches himself over the top rope to take everyone out. Gunner backdrops storm onto them as Norm and Dewey hit dives of their own. Joe hits the suicide elbow to take the jobbers out and the ring is empty.

Carter gets back in the ring and gets case #3 as we take a break. Back with Joe destroying everyone in sight until Barnes and Fernum throw him to the floor. They both go up top but Ion shoves them to the floor, allowing him to grab case #2. Most of the people get back inside and it's Aries diving onto Storm and Hernandez. A discus lariat staggers Hernandez and Aries hits some running dropkicks in the corner. He sends Barnes and Fernum into each other before going up top for a 450 onto both guys.

Austin goes for a case but Sabin makes a save, only to be sent into the steps. Joe, Chavo and Hernandez get back inside with Chavo being launched into the corner where he grabs case #4. Gunner and Storm get back inside but have to deal with Hernandez. Dewey and Norv come back in to try a superplex on Hernandez but Gunner powerbombs him down to make it a Tower of Doom. Storm Last Calls Joe to the floor but Gunner crotches him and takes the case to end the match at 14:11.

Rating: C+. This is always a hard match to grade as there are four winners and technically no losers. The whole point of the match is the drama of the cases being opened next week and not really about the action here. Gunner turning on Storm is kind of interesting but nothing out of the ordinary. Still though, decent enough stuff.

Dixie is sitting at a dinner table when Jeff Hardy comes in. He accepts a glass of wine as the show ends.

Overall Rating: D+. This show was really chatty. We had one match in the first hour and then a lot of talking. Then there was another match and we talked some more, then we had Feast or Fired to end things. Last week's show worked because they threw a lot of stuff at us to keep it interesting, but tonight was all about only a handful of angles which got repetitive quickly. It's not a horrible show but it was there to set up future stuff which doesn't make for the most entertaining two hours.

Joseph Park/Eric Young b. Bad Influence – Black Hole Slam to Kazarian
Austin Aries b. Chris Sabin – Brainbuster
Ethan Carter III, Zema Ion, Chavo Guerrero and Gunner won Feast or Fired

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  1. Not to fantasy book, but...

    It'd be ace if a briefcase is open, and the recipient begins celebrating without revealing its contents. Somebody knocks him out , takes the briefcase and opens reveal a pink slip and is thusly 'fired'. I don't know why, but the thought of it cracks me up.

  2. That would be funny.

  3. I watched 0 seconds of this. That's my expert analysis

  4. You missed some slight continuity.

  5. They explained why someone would compete for a 25% chance of being fired?

  6. What I'd hope the cases are:

    World: EC3 (best option IMO)
    X-Div: Ion (Aries KILL)
    Tag: Gunner (Time to break them up, I guess)
    Pink: Chavo (Fuck Off, Do Not Pass Go, No Longer Waste Money.)

    What they'll be:

    World: Chavo
    X-Div: EC3 or Gunner
    Tag: Ion or EC3
    Pink: Gunner or Ion

  7. ... because refusing the match might make you 100% fired?

    And it's less than a 8% chance... there are nine others who didn't even get a case.

  8. hey any show with dewey and norv in the main event is an A+ in my book!

  9. No, it's a 25% chance of termination (1 of 4 briefcases) that they are competing for. The odds of winning are not factored in.

    And although I didn't watch, weren't there some promos of guys demanding to be entered into the match?

  10. Smart-ass answer now:

    Maybe they considered being fired "not a bad thing". Or, in EC3's case... Auntie Dixie can just hire him back.

  11. "Dixie is sitting at a dinner table when Jeff Hardy comes in. He accepts a glass of wine as the show ends."

    First of all...ending on a cliff-hanger in a pre-taped segment? Is this suddenly Breaking Bad?

    And secondly, isn't Jeff sober now?

  12. If it was Breaking Bad, the ratings would be higher, and it'd be booked better.

    The wrestling would be about the same.

  13. As do I.

    Stacy Keibler tops my list as the hottest, easily.

  14. The only people I could see it making sense for are the curtain-jerking jobber types who would never, ever receive a world title shot in their careers otherwise, and they decide "fuck it, it's worth the risk" for a shot at the big belt.

  15. wasn't madison pregnant? didnt hear anything about her having the baby, though

    and did spud suffer a stroke or bells palsy at some point? he talks out of one side of his mouth

  16. It's just...I'd be fine with wrestling getting more out there with character motivations and feuds, but don't steal directly from dramatic televisions camerawork and episode structure.

  17. Pat Patterson Prolapsed!December 13, 2013 at 3:31 AM

    I'd love to see an instance where Triple H feeds off of the hottest thing, because then I'd see something I'd never seen before.

    Oh that's right, anything that involves Triple H is automatically bad. That Daniel Bryan angle would have worked out just fine if Triple H wasn't a player because Randy Orton would have held the fans' interest. What a joke.

  18. Power_of_Hogans_HOF_RingDecember 13, 2013 at 3:48 AM

    I agree. Talk about getting more than your money's worth. $12 a month for a ppv quality show and the archives. Bring it.

  19. Why not? They stole their current main event storyline directly from the #1 wrestling promotion in the world.

  20. Bully Ray's promo was In The Beginning by Motley Crüe.

  21. Glad you enjoy and thanks for listening! And sorry hah!

  22. Ha, I used to do the same. I have no idea what's so unwinding about it. I'd fall asleep to the greatest matches too... hmmm....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  23. Oh please, like he didn't leech off of Eugene (see Scott's recent article) or CM Punk shortly after pipe bomb incident.

  24. Pat Patterson Prolapsed!December 13, 2013 at 7:15 AM

    Eugene was laughable. He was cute for the first month and then became a petulant annoyance to almost everyone in the IWC, that is until HHHitler was his opponent which changed everyone's minds. How exactly did the former world champion who was the top heel on the show and the leader of a stable that included Ric Flair leech the heat from that midcard gimmick, anyway?

    The CM Punk situation in 2011 has been discussed to death. Whatever the hell the idiots in WWE brass were thinking when they botched the transference of storylines from Punk/Cena to Punk/Cena/HHH to Cena/Punk/ADR to Nash/Punk to Nash/HHH is beyond anyone. Nothing got resolved in that mess and nobody got more over than they were, but repetitive hive mind would have people believe that Triple H profited from the fallout as if Cena and Punk were buried.

    And... Lesnar? Okay, Cena was the one who leeched Brock's heat and aura and threw it into a black hole. Triple H feuded with him and nobody ever cared to see the two fight, so naturally it didn't work past SummerSlam, and they just do not have the chemistry in the ring. Now, remind me of who won the feud, because I seem to remember Brock winning the rubber match. I could be wrong.

    And before you give the old "but Triple H wins the match that matters like he did at WrestleMania" excuse, traditionally babyfaces win their WM matches and to smarks that would be the case for anyone else, but not Trips. If he wanted to leech the heat from Brock, he would have done it on his first match back.

  25. Like I said below, that looks like a lot of harmless fun.

  26. Please stop saying 'hence why'.

  27. I really think the only idea that can save TNA (and I hate to fantasy book) is the return of the AWA Team Challenge Series.

  28. Wow.

    Is it just me, or is Miz the only one in that trailer that bears absolutely no resemblance to his real life appearance?

  29. Not sure why someone would downvote that but I agree with you 100%. For me, it's a total no-brainer.

  30. Because hence means therefore. Therefore, you don't need why. Hence the door was open. Not hence why the door was open.

  31. CM Punk: Hey Daphne, are you a CM Punk girl?

  32. I'm just trying to figure out why they have the wrong Kane.

  33. Gary The Rock Star's #1 FanDecember 13, 2013 at 8:52 AM

    Makes sense. Push the ones closest to you. Especially yourself.

  34. Hey all, this was my question. So again, the thing I just don't get about this is where they think this giant subscriber base (they need a million to break EVEN?) is going to come from. The non-wrestling programs (Legends House) are worthless. The classic stuff has a limited audience, and the PPVs aside from Mania hover around 200,000 per month. How the fuck do they even think they're gonna approach one million subscribers? And if it's not part of a cable package then that means no rights fees and no advertiser dollars.
    Obviously they've thought this through way more than I have, but I'm still not seeing how this ends up working out for them. To me it would make way more sense to make a deal with Netflix and/or Hulu Plus, giving them all the archives On Demand in exchange for a rights fee every year. (I assume those services pay content providers on a sliding scale based on how much users stream their content?)

    And as for the PPVs, yeah that's a great deal for us and I'm totally in, but again— doesn't the whole network seem like it's just a subscription-based price reduction on the PPVs?

  35. Because AuthoriKane has no place in the Scooby Doo Universe.

    Which makes me a little sad....

  36. What about injury prone Sin Cara?

  37. Yeah, I hope at least someone in one of these matches has just stepped out to the floor, crossed their arms and been like, "Nope. I can get one of these titles the regular way. Plus like I give a shit about getting the tag title opportunity and having to slap a team together."

  38. To the people who actually watch wrestling and get the joke. Hey, that's how they catch the monster. Sin Cara will be in the process of training and instead of landing on a dummy or mat, he knocks out the monster.

  39. That MUST be how this ends, or GTFO.

  40. "The bell rings and Curry Man immediately walks out..."

    Well, you can hardly blame the guy. He remembers the last time he got one of those briefcases. Hint: He didn't become the Fired champion.

  41. Because stealing from wrestling companies for wrestling angles makes sense. Stealing from the HBO structure of television makes no sense. They're two entirely different things with entirely separate suspensions of disbelief and entire lay-outs.

  42. Wherefore also means why.

  43. Sorry, I didn't mean that so literally. I was just making fun of TNA.

  44. I'm attempting serious analysis of TNA...which is a mistake. I should try to retain my sanity and blank out this stupid shit.

  45. No problem, I was just being snarky.

    Though really, when you think about it, they're not ripping off general concepts or decades old/classic angle, they're pretty much plagiarizing the main event angle WWE was running less than 2.5 years ago. I don't think it can get much worse than that.

  46. With AJ Styles, who I love, instead of CM Punk.


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