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Michael's Impact Review

Impact Wrestling on Spike TV

February 23, 2012

The Impact Zone - Orlando, Florida

-  Your hosts are Taz and MIke Tenay.

-  Tonight, Brandon Jacobs give us more poetic gems in the Impact Zone.  Also, the main event is Bully Ray and Kurt Angle facing Jeff Hardy and James Storm.

-  We kick things off the same way we kick of just about every week...Bobby Roode headed to the ring.  Roode is excited that Sting has tweeted that he is "done".  He says being the World Champion is a great accomplishment, but ending Sting's career is the greatest accomplishment of his life.  He tells Sting not to let the door hit him in the *bleep* on the way out.

-  Backstage, Matt Morgan ad Crimson blame each other for losing the TNA Tag Team Titles.  I really don't give a shit as long as they aren't champions.


1.  Matt Morgan & Crimson vs.  Magnus & Samoa Joe

-  Tenay calls them, "The Samoan & The Brit".  Wow.  All 4 men start to make it a PIER SIXER off the bat.  It breaks down to Joe and Crimson.  Joe gets him back to his corner and tags in Magnus.  He runs into a wind up Uranage for 2.  Crimson misses a SPEAR and we'll be right back.  We are back as Morgan is coming in n the hot tag.  He is taking out everyone.  He charges Magnus in the corner and catches him in a sidewalk slam.  Joe makes the save.  Now they double team Crimson.  Morgan goes to charge Joe and Crimson clotheslines Morgan.  Joe with the enziguiri and snapmares Morgan over.  Magnus off the top with the elbow for the win @ 8:57.  (A decent opener.  Hopefully this team is done, like I said.  C+.)

-  Did we mention Brandon Jacobs is back tonight?  Yeah.  I still don't care.

-  After the break, Jacobs comes out and is on the mic.  Dear God.....he wants Bully Ray to come out on to the ring.  He sways back on forth and is making me dizzy as he calls out Ray.  HERE WE GO!  Ray comes out and talks to Jacobs like he is a moron.  RIghtfully so.  Crowd is behind Jacobs and Bully doesn't understand why.  Ray wants to come down to the ring and beat Jacobs up but he has a match later.  He insults Jacobs' Superbowl performance and Jacobs chases him to the back.

-  Backstage, Jacobs is looking for Ray and runs into Storm and Hardy.  Storm has a way he can get to Ray.

2.  Zema Ion vs.  Alex Shelley

-  Ion attacks Shelley before the bell on the outside.  Austin Aries comes out with wine and popcorn to watch.  Inside, Ion hits a head scissors into a faceplant.  Shelley retaliates with a Dragon Screw Legwhip.  Enziguiri by Shelley and Ion gets clotheslined to the floor.  He dives to the outside and pushes Ion to the guardrail.  He misses the Warriors Way and goes for Sliced Bread.  Ion pushes him towards the ref, Shelley stops short and gets sprayed with Ion's hairspray.  Fireman's Carry into a facebuster over the knee (not the GTS) gives Ion the win @ 3:58.  (Good chemistry, but too quick.  No real story out of this one.  C.)

-  Now to keep everyone interested in the feud, we recap Garret Bischoff and Gunner's epic encounters.  Backstage, Garret says he will keep on fighting.  In walks Hulk Hogan.  He says it is in Garret's DNA not to quit, but he has a bull's eye on his back because of his father.

-  Elsewhere, Madison Rayne is looking hot.  I really don't hear anything she is saying after I see her.  OK...OK... she says she became #1 contender to do Gail Kim a favor.  Gail Kim takes on ODB next.

3.  ODB (with Eric Young) vs.  Gail Kim

-  ODB starts with a Bronco Buster.  Fallaway Slam by ODB.  Gail rakes the eyes and tosses ODB to the apron.  She pulls her back in by the hair and slams her face first to the mat.  Cover gets 2.  Octopus Hold on ODB and she drops Gail to the mat.  Gail clotheslines ODB down.  Here comes Madison out to the ring.  Meanwhile, EY gives ODB a shot from the flask.  ODB with some running shoulder blocks and a Thesz Press gets 2.  She goes for the BAAM, but countered into a Meet De Feet for the win @ 5:55.  (A pretty good women's match.  C+.)

-  Post match, Gail is not happy to see Madison.  Earlier today, AJ says he is done worrying about Daniels and Kazarian.

-  Back on Impact, we get a video interview with Jesse Sorensen.  He talks about what happened back at Against All Odds.  He is back home recovering.  #GetWellJesse


4.  AJ Styles vs.  Robbie E (with ROB TERRY)

-  Out of the box, AJ takes Robbie down.  He snapmares him over and bridges back with a chinlock.  Robbie rolls outside and AJ follows.  AJ rolls back in and Robbie stomps him down.  He throws AJ into the corner sternum first.  Robbie slams him down.  Robbie is up to the middle rope, fist pumps, and drops a fist for 2.  AJ is up and hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for 2.5.  Styles Clash coming and TERRY  is on the apron.  Robbie escapes and hammers away on AJ.  Clotheslines misses and PELE connects.  Here comes Daniels and Kazarian.  They pull AJ off the apron and throw him into the ringpost for the DQ @ 4:47.  (A decent match.  Not AJ's best stuff.  You can tell he is selling a lot more rather than just doing a bunch of spots.  C-.)

-  Daniels looks shocked, as he is dressed to host a couple's gameshow.


5.  Bully Ray & Kurt Angle vs.  Jeff Hardy & James Storm

-  Ray does his own entrance.."Hells Kitchen, New York...275...BULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY RAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!".  Love it.  Storm grabs the mic and asks if there are any beer drinkers in the arena.  He brings out Brandon Jacobs.  Storm starts with Angle and takes him down with a high knee.  He kicks Angle low, hits the ropes, Ray distracts him and Angle drops him.  Storm breaks free and tags in Hardy.  Angle hits the floor and we'll be right back.  Back on Impact, Ray is standing on top of Hardy in the corner.  Ray misses an elbow and tags in Angle.  Angle suplexes Hardy over for 2.  Hardy tries to reverse the waistlock and Angle belly to bellies him over.  Ray back in and Hardy kicks him down.  Hot tag to James Storm and he forearms him down.  Kneelift and neckbreaker.  Storm with an enziguiri and forearm again.  Hardy lays out Angle and Ray boots Hardy down.  Ray yells to Angle to get a table.  Hardy kicks the table and he sets it up in the ring.  Now Angle and Ray come back in and take out Hardy and Storm.  LAST CALL SUPERKICK FOR ANGLE!  Brandon Jacobs is in the ring.  Ray gets down in a three point stance.  Storm turns Ray around and uppercuts him.  Jacobs grabs Ray and chokeslams him through the table.  Storm covers and wins it @ 13:26.  (A good tag team main event.  But where was the fucking DQ?  Nice sell by Ray.  C+.)

-  Brandon Jacobs tells Ray SAYDL as Storm pours beer on Ray.  Backstage, a producer knocks on Sting's door for the Goldberg entrance.

-  Sting comes out for Retirement Speech #14.  He says he is done and out comes Bobby Roode.  Roode apologizes to Sting for interrupting.  He wants Sting to acknowledge that he is the better man.  Sting laughs and says Roode woke him up.  He wipes black paint on his face.  He says no more Mr. Nice Guy.  He is literally in black face.  I'm offended.  He says at Victory Road, he is kicking the crap outta Roode.  Roode tries to boot him low and Sting catches him.  He places Roode's leg on the mat and backs up.  He kicks Roode in the nuts.  Sting laughs some more tells him to follow the yellow brick road.  He cant decide which catch phrase to use and settles for ta ta for now as he pelts Roode with the mic.  Show ends.



-  I was kind of shitting on the show.  I mean I liked the Knockouts match.  The main event was good.  As much fun I made of Brandon Jacobs, he did a good job at the end of the match.  Ray sold like a million bucks for him.  The Sting segment at the end was pretty cool.  He may be limited at this point in the ring, but they have really burned this showdown with Roode slowly.  It turned out good, and it makes you wanna see Sting beat the shit out of him.  See you next Thursday for more Impact fun.