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Michael's Impact Review

Impact Wrestling on Spike TV

March 15, 2012

The Impact Zone - Orlando, Florida

-  Your hosts are Mike Tenay and Taz

-  Sting is here.  Bobby Roode is here.  Tonight, we make Victory Road official.

-  Live in the Impact Zone we have James Storm in the ring.  His hair is oh so featherly and I wonder how much time he spent brushing it.  He says Roode is selfish.  He promises to give Roode the *bleep* whipping of his life and take the TNA Championship from him.  4 people chant Cowboy and SAYDL.  Storm says Roode needs all the luck he can get.  Out comes Bully Ray.  Ray reminds him of kicking a chair in his face.  Storm reminds him of kicking his teeth down his throat to become #1 contender.  Ray replies with "".  Ray is definitely on the juice.  Storm is ready to fight.  Ray gives him a fight...against Gunner.  They brawl in the aisle so Al Snow and D Lo Brown can make an appearance on TV.

-  Backstage, Madison and Gail argue and run into Sting.  He books Gail against Mickie James.  Madison has to face Velvet Sky.  TTFN.

-  Pre-recorded, Bobby Roode wants to know who the hell Sting thinks he is.

1.  Madison Rayne vs.  Velvet Sky

-  Velvet begins with a spear and kicks Madison down to the corner.  Dropkick gets 2.  Madison up and knocks Velvet to the ropes and chokes her down.  Big boot gets 2.  Neck vice by Madison and Velvet gingerly elbows out.  Madison with a neckbreaker for 2.  Velvet fights back with forearms and elbows Madison down.  Faceplant by Velvet and she picks up Madison.  Madison knees her low and Velvet with a rollup and Madison reverses it with a handful of tights for the win @ 3:58.  (Madison is all business in the ring.  Why can't Velvet wrestle after being in the ring almost 10 years?  D-.)

-  Backstage, Crimson is very cocky towards Matt Morgan and tells him HE is the only one undefeated on the team.

2.  Crimson (with Matt Morgan) vs.  Samoa Joe (with Magnus)

-  Brawl to start with Joe nailing a charging elbow in the corner.  Joe snaps off some kicks and covers for 2.  Morgan tries to trip Joe and Crimson drops him for 1.  Charging knee by Crimson gets 2.  Joe with an inverted atomic drop and drops a senton for 2.  Deep powerslam by Joe gets 2.5.  Crimson charges into a one arm uranage.  Joe sets up for the Muscle Buster and Morgan is on the apron again.  Magnus pull him down.  Crimson with the SPEAR and the win @ 4:28.  (Booked into a corner.  I would rather have Magnus in the match with Crimson.  And since when is Morgan a chickenshit heel?  C-.)

-  Austin Aries is smirking about something....and headed to the ring.

-  Aries in the ring with a bottle of champagne.  He says there have been 53 X Division Title reigns and 25 men held the belt.  He is now officially the longest reigning X Division Champion of all time.  We go now to a special video.  Lots of boos over the video as the crowd sits on their hands.  Aries toasts himself to the greatest man who ever lived.  Out comes Zema Ion.  Zema says he beat Aries at his own game.  He says either give him the belt or end up like Jesse Sorensen.  Zema toasts to Aries and says "I'm not just F'ing pretty, but I'm pretty F'ing dangerous".  Wow, what a catchphrase.  He throws champagne in Aries face, which Aries answers with pouring a bottle over his head.  Zema is MAD that his hair is damaged.

-  Backstage, Joseph Park runs into Gunner.  He is looking for his brother and Gunner has to leave abruptly.

-  Elsewhere, ODB and EY discuss their wedding.  EY wants to get married at VFW or a bowling alley.  ODB is thinking more like the state fair.  They agree to marry on Impact.

-  Somewhere else, Kurt Angle hates Garret Bischoff.  He hates him so much he is getting a 5 minute match with him.  He says Garret's wife says Garret can only last 3 minutes.  HEYYYYYY-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

3.  Mickie James vs.  Gail Kim

-  Mickie on the offense and hiptosses Gail in the ring.  She puts her legs on Gail's shoulders and Gail turns and drives them into the mat.  Gail works over the knee of Mickie.  Mickie fights back and dropkicks Gail to the floor.  Gail nails her in the head with the title belt for the win @ 5:16.  (Caught myself nodding off during that one.  Another D- encounter.)

-  Backstage, Mr. Anderson is saying asshole as many times as he can on TV.  Up walks Daniels and Kazarian.  A tag match is made for Sunday and a singles match between Daniels and Anderson is tonight.

4.  Daniels vs.  Mr.  Anderson

-  Another couple off assholes as Anderson announces himself to the ring.  Daniels attacks Anderson before the bell.  Anderson turns the tables and sends Daniels to the floor.  Daniels ,somehow, cut his cheek.  Anderson drops an elbow for 2.  Daniels catches Anderson coming on a corner charge and drops him.  Anderson rolls up Daniels for 2.  Daniels answers with a bridging suplex for 2.  Anderson gets the knees up on a springing moonsault.  They trade blows back and forth until Anderson clotheslines him down.  Neckbreaker by Anderson gets 2.  Daniels tries a float over in the corner and Anderson grabs him for a rolling Samoan drop.  Kazarian and AJ come down to the ring and brawl.  Anderson catches Daniels with a Mic Check for the win @ 5:43.  (Decent match.  As biased as I am towards how much I hate Anderson, he did pretty good.  C+.)

-  Backstage, Jeff Hardy whines about not being World Champion.


5.  Kurt Angle vs.  Garret Bischoff

-  Clock is on the screen and Angle hammers him down at the bell.  Angle chinlocks him and just lets go.  He stomps Garret into the ropes and chokes him down.  Angle stops and poses for the crown.  Garret fights back and Angle just drops him.  He throws Garret through the ropes and on his head.  Garret tries to fight back on the floor and Angle suplexes him over.  He throws Garret back in the ring and covers for 2 before he lifts him up.  Overhead belly to belly by Angle is another 3 before Angle lifts him.  Angle with a legdrop.  He lifts Garret for the Angle Slam and Garret jumps out.  He throws Angle out the ring  Angel rolls back in and runs into a kick.  He grabs Garret and snaps off the Angle Slam with 1 second left.  Time expires.

-  Post match, Angle beats Brian Hebner up.  He puts the Ankle Lock on Garret and Jeff Hardy (now with face paint on) runs out to make the save.  Up next, James Storm faces Gunner.

-  At the merchandise stand, Robbie E informs us he is issuing an open challenge at Victory Road.


6.  Gunner (with Bully Ray) vs.  James Storm

-  Brawl begins things with Storm shoulderblocking Gunner down.  They brawl on the floor.  Storm headed back in and Gunner kicks him in the shoulder.  Gunner with a neck vice on Storm.  Storm elbows out and uppercuts Gunner.  Storm drops him with a clothesline and backdrops him.  Last Call Superkick finishes it @ 3:56.  (Quick put-over fest for Storm.  C-.)

-  Back on Impact Wrestling for the contract signing between Sting and Bobby Roode.  Sting signs the contract with JB over-seeing the proceedings.  Roode signs and grabs the mic away from JB.  He recollects the day he became champion and how Sting became a pain in his **bleep**.  He says Sting is jealous of him.  He tells Sting how much of a loser he is.  He tells him that the painted face doesn't scare him.  He is in Sting's face and Sting remains seated.  He turns his back on Sting and Sting starts painting his face.  He paints Roode's face black and clotheslines him out the ring.  The show ends.



-  For a go-home show, I was nodding off A LOT.  Call it a long week or call it a shit show.  I call it both.  Nothing fun out of tonight outside of Aries/Zema promo and the Roode promo at the end.  Daniels/Anderson match was decent.  Everything else, eh.  Tommy Hall has you covered for all your TNA PPV needs.  Join him here on Sunday.  I'll see you next week.