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Michael's Impact Review

Impact Wrestling on Spike TV

March 8, 2012

The Impact Zone - Orlando, Florida

-  Your hosts are Mike Tenay and Taz.

-  IW begins with Garret Bischoff pulling up to the Impact Zone.  He knows he has a target on his back and he will still move forward as it grows bigger.

-  Live in he Impact Zone, Eric Bischoff, Gunner and the exhumed body of Leslie Nielsen aka Ric Flair enter the ring.  Bischoff has gone to Sting and asked for a Gunner and a partner of his choosing against Garret and a guy of his choosing.  He looks to Flair and thanks him for everything they have done together in the past 20 years.  Including the lawsuit and mocking of his family.  He says Gunner will have no problem finding a partner and out walks Kurt Angle.  Angle hates Garret because he doesn't respect his father.  He hates anyone with the last name Bischoff.  Except for Eric.  Flair Woos just so we don't forget about him.

-  Elsewhere, Sting plays with facepaint and talks to himself in the mirror about having 10 days until he gets his hands on Bobby Roode.  In walks EY.  He needs Sting's blessing to give ODB his surprise.  Sting says to woo her with gold.  He gives them a shot at the KO tag titles tonight.  ARE YOU SURE VINCE RUSSO ISN'T STILL AROUND?


1.  ODB & Eric Young vs.  Gail Kim & Madison Rayne

-  ODB will kick it off with Gail Kim.  ODB with a Bronco Buster on Gail and EY sits in the opposite corner for one as well.  Gail slugs her down and tags in Madison.  ODB flies on top of Madison with a Thesz Press.  Madison distracts the ref and Gail clocks ODB.  Madison covers for 2 and tags in Gail.  Gail with a side spear in the corner and drives ODB face first down for 2.  Hot tag to EY and has both women on his shoulders for a double airplane spin.  EY covers Gail for 1.  They both clothesline EY and ODB comes out with a double clothesline on the champions.  EY has his pants off and Madison nails him with a KO belt.  He falls on top of Gail and we have new Knockout Tag Team Champions @ 5:56.  (Really pathetic opener.  Just comedy spots by EY and a shit finish.  D.)

-  Post match, EY grabs ODB by the hand and gets down on one knee.  I guess they have domestic partnerships in Florida.  We go to break before the payoff.

-  Back to part two of the cliff-hanger.  EY says they have momentum on their side and now is the best time for it.  He asks her to marry him.  She stands him up and now she is down on her knee.  She slips the ring on his finger and he yells "YES YES YES".  First the beard now the catchphrase...Daniel Bryan would be mad.

-  Outside, a man named Mr. Parks who looks like Penn Jillette or Steve McMichael, take your pick, is here to see Impact Wrestling.  Elsewhere, Bully Ray says James Storm is not making it to Lockdown.  AND elsewhere, Austin Aries finds out he will face Zema Ion for the X Division TItle, tonight.  Even Aries questions why a money match is given away on free tv.


2.  Zema Ion vs.  Austin Aries

-  Aries drops Ion quickly and snaps off an elbow drop for 2.  Ion criss crosses him and jumps off the second rope with a twisting plancha.  Aries brought to the outside and Ion drives him back first into the apron.  Ion heads up top and Aries meets him there and throws him back to the floor.  Back inside, Ion drops Aries back down.  He misses a 450 Splash.  Series of reversals and Aries backs him to the corner.  Aries misses a corner charge.  Ion has his hairspray and Aries steals it from him.  Aries sprays him in the eyes and gets DQ'd @ 3:48.  (A good sequence between these guys and I want to see more.  C+.)

-  Backstage, Joseph Parks runs into Velvet Sky.  He is looking for Abyss.You see, Abyss is his brother.  By the way, this guy is Abyss without a mask.  If they watched any Ring Ka King, this mystery would be over.

-  Back on Impact Zone and Bully Ray is in the ring.  We take a moment to mark out to his calves.  He brags about kicking a chair into the face of Storm.  He says he deserves to be #1 cont-en-duh.  He tells Sting to come out and name him #1 contender.  Here comes Sting still putting facepaint on.  Ray wants Bobby Roode.  Sting marks out to his calves.  For that, he gives him Bobby Roode.  That match is after the break.

3.  Bully Ray vs.  Bobby Roode

-  Roode wants no part of this and Ray tells him to fight him like a man.  Lock up and Ray pushes Roode back to the corner.  Roode with a hammerlock into a side headlock.  Ray shoulderblocks him down.  Ray shoves him down and Roode slaps him in the face.  Roode backs Ray to the corner and chops him.  He whips Ray to the corner and Ray comes out with a side suplex.  Roode falls to the outside and grabs Ray's head over the top rope.  Back inside, Ray runs into an elbow and Roode snaps a neckbreaker off the second rope.  Cover gets 2.  Ray misses a bog boot and Roode with a Uranage for 2.  Roode grabs a chain and charges into a big boot by Ray.  Ray grabs the chain and James Storm runs in.  Ray leaves and Storm with a Last Call Superkick on Roode.  We call it a No Contest @ 7:00.  (Actually, a good match here.  I'm happy with the finish.  No reason to bury either guy.  C.)

-  Backstage, Garret gets ready for battle but won't reveal who his partner is.

-  Back on IW, Joseph Park is talking to Matt Morgan and Crimson.  They haven't seen him in a while.  Crimson tells Morgan even though he lost the titles for them, they are a team.  They have a match with Robbie E and ROB TERRY...right now.


4.  Robbie E & ROBBIE T vs.  Matt Morgan & Crimson

-  Crimson kicks it off with Robbie E.  Crimson runs into an elbow and Robbie jumps into a one arm uranage.  ROBBIE in and he knees Crimson low.  He slams him down and clubs him back down.  Side suplex by ROBBIE and then Robbie with a flying forearm.  ROBBIE with a front slam on Crimson for 2.  HOT TAG to Morgan and he nails Robbie with a Carbon Footprint.  Crimson tags himself back in and covers for the win @ 4:01.  (Average match.  What was interesting was the way Crimson almost played RVD to Morgan's Sabu.  C-.)

-  Earlier, AJ discusses Kazarian and Daniels' relationship.

-  Back on Impact and AJ Styles heads to the ring.  He talk about the memories with TNA over the last 10 years.  Out comes Kazarian and Daniels.  Daniels says all the help he gave AJ was never reciprocated.  He says all it got him was fired.  Kazarian says AJ is transparent.  He says the problem lies with AJ.  AJ says Kazarian is a real...ASSHOLE.  Out comes Ken Anderson and no bleeps for him?  A PIER SIXER erupts in the ring.  Kazarian and Daniels leave and head to the back.

-  Backstage, Garret knocks on a shoddy door with holes in it and asks if his partner is ready.  The main event is next.


5.  Gunner & Kurt Angle vs.  Garret Bischoff & Jeff Hardy

-  Angle and Hardy kick it off.  Angle on the offensive and chokes Hardy over the ropes. Angle throws Hardy in, puts his head down, and catches a kick to the face.  Gunner comes in and cuts off Garret.  Gunner comes in and rams Hardy into the corner.  We'll be right back.  Back on Impact and Angle is in the ring stomping Jeff Hardy.  Hardy is up and runs into a belly to belly overhead suplex.  Gunner is tagged back in and beats on Hardy.  He elbows Hardy down for 2.  Angle back in.  Next week on Impact, Christopher Daniels takes on Ken Anderson.  Angle has the Ankle Lock applied on Hardy and he makes it to the ropes.  Gunner back in and he chinlocks Hardy.  Angle comes in and slams Hardy.  Gunner comes back in throws Hardy into the corner.  Hardy elbows him on the charge and hits the Whisper in the Wind.  On the outside, Garret and Angle meet face to face.  Gunner has time to drag Hardy back to his corner and tag in Angle.  Hardy kicks Angle down and tags in Garret.  Garret cleans house.  Driving Cutter into the mat by Garret.  Double clothesline by Garret on both men.  Hardy is on the top, Swanton Bomb on Angle.  Hardy and Garret win it @ 14:24.  (Crowd, piped in or not, was into this match.  Hardy playing Ricky Morton for 13 minutes and then Garret clearing the ring?  Didn't make sense.  C-.)



-  Kind of a weird flow to tonight.  The Ray/Roode match and the Aries/Ion matches were the bright spots.  Call me the exception, but the EY/ODB stuff has gotten bland for me.  I'm over it, and giving him a KO Tag Title reeks of Russo.  As for Garret Bischoff, why could that been the semi-main event and have Ray vs Roode on last?  I have grown tired of Garret already and he still can't really wrestle.  I saw him face Gunner a few weeks back at a TNA house show and it stunk the joint up!  Oh, and Crimson and Morgan has regained my interest.  Its the little things in the ring that catch my eye.  When Crimson got the win tonight and shrugged his shoulders at Morgan, I immediately thought of Rob Van Dam and Sabu.  Maybe this Crimson kid has a future after all.  See you next Thursday for more fun from Orlando.