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Michael's Impact Review

Impact Wrestling on Spike TV
April 26, 2012
The Impact Zone - Orlando, Florida

-  Your hosts are Mike Tenay and Taz.
-  Backstage, Hulk Hogan addresses all the TNA champions in the back to begin the show.  He says any of them could be called out.  He calls their titles "straps".  That's not very kayfabe...or is it?  Gail Kim is not happy with this and says it so many times Hogan just ignores her.  He singles out the Tag Team Champions.  Soon enough, Hogan just turns his back to them and just cuts a promo to the camera.  He welcomes everyone to TNA Open Fight Night, BROTHER.  A nice fancy video follows.

-  In the arena, Devon makes his way to the ring.  Devon is fully drenched in sweat and says he wants to give his opportunity to one man.  His sorry excuse for a brother, Bubba.  Who is Bubba?  Bubba the Love Sponge?  I would love to see that actually.  OH, he is talking about Bully Ray.  Ray is in the back with the entire locker room and asks Ric Flair, who is eating a fucking sucker, if Devon is serious.  Ray heads to the ring and says he doesn't want to be in the same ring as Devon.  He says he is tired of making Devon a star...he had to do it for 15 years, mind you.  He tells Devon to go to hell and turns his back on him and heads up the ramp.  Devon attacks him in the aisle and they brawl around the ring.  Bell rings so....

1.  Devon vs.  Bully Ray
-  Ray rolls in the ring and begs off.  Devon throws him into the corner and hammers away on Ray.  Devon heads up top and gets crotched.  We'll be right back!  Back on Impact as Bully Ray drops elbows on Devon.  Ray is slightly cut over his eye.  Ray with a running splash gets 2.  Devon knocks Ray to the mat and comes back with a flying shoulderblock.  He charges the corner and Ray counters with a big boot for 2.5.  Ray turns and runs into a Standing Spinebuster.  Devon covers for the win @ 9:37.  (I would have loved to see Ray take the belt in this one, but a good match between the two.  C+.)

-  Backstage, Aries laughs at the fact that Ray lost.  He says soon enough he will get his hands on Ray.

-  Elsewhere, Ric Flair promises to throw a helluva bash tonight to send off Eric Bischoff.  Not bleeping his name this week.  Flair says his life has been one non-stop party for 63 years.  I guess he is done with his sucker.

-   In the locker room, Kazarian and Daniels brag to Angle how they helped him win against AJ last week.  Angle says he didn't need their help and he will show them a different side of him if he sees them near the ring again.

-  Jeremy Borash is headed to the ring.  He is here to call out someone.  Not a wrestler, an employee.  JB has been there longer then anyone in the company.  He says there hasn't been a bigger prick in the last 3 years than Eric Bischoff.  He wants to put his fist down EB's throat right now.  Now Eric Bischoff is headed to the ring.  JB asks Eric if he wants to take a picture of him.  JB alludes to Bischoff drunk posting on Facebook.  Really?  Bischoff calls him an idiot and Bully Ray runs down and nails JB in the balls.  Bischoff asks for a referee to come down to the ring and count him out.  Bischoff lifts JB's leg over his head and pins JB.  He slaps him around some more and poses karate style as Ray takes more pictures.  

-  Now TNA stars reflect on Eric Bischoff.  Ken Anderson runs his mouth...I black out momentarily.  

-  NOW ANARQUIA HAS A MIC??!?!?!?!??  TNA is daring me to change the channel.  Anarquia makes and open challenge to anyone in the back.  Out comes....

2.  Anarquia (with Sarita, Rosita, & Hernandez) vs.  Kurt Angle
-  Anarquia backs up and says Hernandez will fight him.  Angle turns to Super Mex and Anarquia attacks Angle from behind.  Soon enough, an Angle Slam and Ankle Lock and Angle wins it @ 49 seconds.  (I would take a shit on this except for the fact that Angle kicked ass and is back to be a face.)

-  We meet Gut Check contestant Alex Silva.  He is from OVW and heads down to the ring with Al Snow.  

-  Back on Impact Wrestling, Al Snow explains that you can go online and sign up for Gut Check.  He brings out Alex Silva's opponent....

3.  Alex Silva vs.  Robbie E (with ROBBIE T)
-  Al Snow and Taz on commentary for this match.  Robbie slaps Silva and Silva slaps him down.  Silva explodes with a clothesline out the corner.  Robbie is up and drops him down with a clothesline, as well.  Robbie heads up to the second rope and misses the Fist Pump Elbow.  Powerslam by Silva gets 2.  Robbie gets up and Silva jumps over him.  Robbie slaps him and hooks in a Impaler DDT for the win @ 2:19.  (Silva's timing was a little off but he had intensity.  Robbie tried to make the kid look good.  D.)

-  Dixie Carter will not miss Eric Bischoff.  Big shock there, might have been shooting there a little bit.  

-  Backstage, Hulk Hogan addresses the top tag teams of TNA and wants to hear why they should get a title shot.  Daniels says MCMG already had a shot.  EY and ODB, well one is a man and the other has a beard. LINE OF THE NIGHT!  He says Anderson and Hardy hate each other.  MCMG say they want the shot more than anyone else.  He asks Hardy and Anderson if they can get along.  Anderson kisses Hardy on the face and says he loves him.  He asks ODB and EY if they are ready fresh off there honeymoon.  EY says they are undefeated and promises ODB to Hogan.  (Hitting a little close to home, ehh, Hulkster?)  Hogan says MCMG they already lost at Lockdown and he is worried about Sabin's knee so he eliminates them out as a choice.  Ahh horseshit, Hogan!

-  Brooke Tessmacher heads to the ring and calls out Gail Kim.  She says beating her last was no fluke.  Very bad promo form Brooke, but the bitch is hot.  Non-title match up here.

4.  Brooke Tessmacher vs.  Gail Kim
-  Gail attacks Brook and throws her into the corner.  Gail toys with Brooke and does really put much into the match.  Overhead fireman's carry slam by Gail.  Brooke is up and dropkicks her down.  Gail is up and boots her back down.  Gail calls her a piece of shit and slaps her again.  Gail misses a missile dropkick.  Brooke lifts her in a sidewalk slam and into a faceplant for the win @ 3:56.  (I mean couldn't we really all predict what was coming?  D+.)

-  Backstage, Daniels is confident they will be getting their title shot.  Kazarian says if AJ doesn't show next week, they will reveal the secret.  

-  We see RVD capturing the #1 contender-ship last week.  Bobby Roode says he ain't scared.

-  Backstage, Roode introduces himself to Alex Silva and Al Snow.  He said he had to make many sacrifices  just  to get a contract.  He tells him to always expect the unexpected and punches Silva in the gut.

-  Back in Hogan's office, he says EY and ODB aren't taking things seriously and eliminates them out.  He tells the 2 remaining teams to meet him in the ring for his decision.

-  Oh it's time for Garret Bischoff to give his thoughts on Eric Bischoff.  He says Impact will be a better place without him.  

-  Bully Ray is on the phone and is interrupted by Joseph Park.  Park says he wants answers to his brother's whereabouts.  He goes to give Ray his card and Ray tells him to shove it.

-  Tag Champions head to the ring and are followed by Daniels and Kazarian.  Now Jeff Hardy and Mr. Anderson head to the ring.  Finally, here comes Hulk Hogan to make his decision.  He agrees that Daniels and Kazarian are a cohesive unit.  But the unpredictability of Anderson and Hardy is what he likes more.  So....

5.  Magnus & Samoa Joe vs.  Jeff Hardy & Mr.  Anderson
-  Joe and Anderson begin things with Joe stomping Anderson down.  Joe turns and Anderson beats him down.  He grabs a wristlock and hesitates to tag Hardy.  Joe runs over and tags Magnus and now Hardy comes in.  Magnus runs into a head scissors throw and Hardy covers for 1.  Hardy works the arm and tags in Anderson.  Joe gets tagged back in and Anderson continues to argue with Hardy.  We'll be right back.  Back on Impact (well actually got caught up in the NFL draft) but Joe is covering Hardy for 2.  Joe charges the corner and Hardy catches him with a back elbow.  Whisper in the Wind connects.  HOT TAGS AROUND!  Swinging neckbreaker by Anderson gets 2.  Anderson charges Magnus and gets tossed.  Deep powerslam by Joe on Hardy gets 2.5.  Jawbreaker by Hardy and Twist of Fate connects.  Magnus on the outside throws Anderson to the ringsteps.  Hardy gets off the top rope and hits Magnus with a clothesline off the apron.  Anderson back in an grabs Joe for the Mic Check.  Joe blocks, rollup by Anderson, Joe opens his legs and clamps on the Triangle Choke for the win @ 10:57.  (Slow start but built to a great match.  Liked seeing these two teams against each other in the ring.  B-.)  Post-match, Daniels and Kazarian attack the champions on the ramp.  

-  Time for the Eric Bischoff Farewell Party.  Ric Flair, Daniels, Kazarian, Gunner, and Bully Ray make their way to the ring.  Flair says we are here to celebrate not mourn.  He says he can celebrate like no other.  Fans start in with singing goodbye to Bischoff.  Flair gets pissed and says he hates wrestling fans.  Out comes Eric Bischoff wearing lots of denims.  Thanks to Taz for pointing that out.  Flair says Dixie should be on her knees thanking him for coming to TNA.  He says Bischoff is the reason Hogan is in TNA, and the same for Ric Flair.  Flair invites any woman to come in and sleep with Bischoff tonight?  Flair thanks Bischoff for all he has done.  Gunner personally thanks Bischoff and calls him a father figure.  Flair gives Bischoff a Rolex watch.  Bully Ray has the mic and says he is the wind beneath his wings.'s Garret Bischoff.  He comes out with Jeremy Borash, Austin Aries, the Motor City Machine Guns, and RVD.  They have a gift for Bischoff.  JB inducts Eric Bischoff into the TNA Shed of Shame.  Out rolls a yellow port-a-john.  Garret grabs his father and throws him in the SOS.  They lock him in and tip it over.  Bischoff emerges covered in shit and pukes in the port-a-john.  

-  Overall I thought the show was good.  I liked the matches...fresh match-ups.  Some bad stuff mixed in, but overall I could appreciate some fresh ideas.  The Bischoff send-off party was surreal seeing how the last time I remember Bischoff having an embarrassing send-off from TV, I was in the arena watching Vince fireman carry him into a garbage truck.  The Gut Check thing could be cool, but when you take the trainer from the first Tough Enough and rip the idea of Tough Enough off, I can't help but think the negative outweighs the positive.  One last note, I hope we are not headed for ANOTHER Jeff Hardy/Ken Anderson rivalry.  Nothing more, I can really expand on that speaks for itself.  See you Sunday for EXTREME RULES!


  1. So let me get this straight.

    Once a month they have special shows, where championships are defended...

    ...big matches can happen...

    ...young guys get a chance on the big stage...

    I do believe the old timers used to call those "pay per views."

  2. Well, that young cat Hogan is hip to what all the swingers are into these days daddy-o.

  3. Alex Silva didn't get to show much here, but he's not bad.


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