The SmarKdown Rant – 04.10.12
Live from Hampton, VA.
Your hosts are Josh Matthews, Michael Cole and Booker T. Most of the roster is on the way to Moscow, so tonight is the Blast From The Past show, although there’s no cool set like for the Old School RAW show.
Mean Gene brings out Sheamus to start. He apologizes for attacking the referee last week, but this brings out Big Johnny. The replay of the incident reveals a weird logic from Michael Cole, as he notes that the ref believed that Sheamus laid out Del Rio with the chair, so he had to DQ him because “he can only call what he sees”. But he didn’t actually see it, so I’m left confused. Johnny makes Sheamus apologize to referees all over the world, but that’s not good enough for him, so if Sheamus ever touches another ref, he’s fired. And fined $500,000. So tonight, it’s Daniel Bryan & Alberto Del Rio v. Sheamus & Mean Gene.
Meanwhile, Randy Orton gets some advice from dad.
Randy Orton v. Mark Henry
The recap of last week before the match would suggest that in fact Kane v. Orton is not done yet. Slugfest in the corner to start, but Henry puts him down with a headbutt. Powerslam gets two and we take a break with Cowboy Bob looking on backstage. Back with Henry holding a neck vice, but Orton slugs out until Henry slams him and hits the big splash for two. Henry with an avalanche for two. Another splash attempt misses and Orton makes the comeback with a DDT for two. Henry bails to the apron, but suckers Orton into trying the draping DDT and sets up for the Slam. Orton escapes that and tries the RKO, but Henry tosses him and they brawl outside. Henry meets the post and Orton comes in to beat the count, but Kane appears on the screen for the Sports Entertainment Finish at 9:13. Just a match. ** So yes, the Kane feud MUST CONTINUE. And Kane has attacked Bob Orton, so Randy runs backstage and gets ambushed like an idiot.
Moments Ago: Stuff we just saw happen.
Benny Camer v. RyBack
The legends look on at the jobber before the match and celebrate that it’ll be a “good old fashioned squash match.” This is the best use for the Blast From The Past theme they can think of? RyBack destroys the jobber with a clothesline and finishes with the muscle buster at 0:35. Nothing squash, but the clothesline sell was epic.
Meanwhile, Heath Slater recruits Tyson Kidd to be his tag partner against the Usos. Managed by Jimmy Hart.
Heath Slater & Tyson Kid v. The Usos
Tyson slingshots in with a nice rollup on Jimmy, but Slater kicks him out of the ring and hits a rebound neckbreaker himself, for two. Slater with the chinlock while Jimmy Hart annoys Mick Foley at ringside. Jey comes in with a butt splash in the corner for two and they get rid of Kidd, but Foley goes after Jimmy Hart, thus distracting Slater and allowing the Usos to finish with the flying splash at 2:33. This was just a backdrop for the Mick-Jimmy comedy routine. *
“Rowdy” Roddy Piper is out for Piper’s Pit, with special guest Daniel Bryan. This crowd is a bit more receptive to the heel persona, as they chant “18 seconds” at him. Bryan announces that he’s got a title shot at Extreme Rules, a 2/3 falls match. Thank god they backed off the Del Rio plan. Piper brings out AJ, who is still defending him and thinks he’s a good person. Deep down. And it was all her fault. Piper plays therapist and tries to build her up again, but Bryan orders her to leave again if she really loves him. And so she does. Piper’s not done with him, though. He informs Bryan that real men don’t tell women to shut up or use them as human shields. I’m pretty sure Piper did both of those things in the 80s, more than once. Piper is looking forward to seeing Bryan lose twice at the PPV, so Bryan slaps him and leaves. Glad to see the crowd actually reacting how they wanted so they didn’t have to freak out any further.
Drew McIntyre & The Bella Twins v. The Great Khali, Natalya & Alicia Fox
This has to be a rib on everyone, right? Drew immediately walks out of the match, leaving Fox to pin a Bella with a suplex at 0:52. And then Mae Young comes out and dances and kisses Khali.
Damien Sandow once again educates us on sophistication.
Meanwhile, Sheamus is pretty sure that he’s not winning tonight, but he’s just in it for the fight anyway. Drinks are on him either way.
Hacksaw Jim Duggan v. Hunico
Duggan slugs him out of the ring right away and brings out Sgt. Slaughter to even things up, but then uses the 2x4 and gets disqualified. No match. None of this got over.
Cody Rhodes comes out to cut a promo, but Dusty Rhodes interrupts. He looks like hell. Cody is immediately embarrassed by his dad and goes to leave, but Big Show interrupts. Oh great, is Cody going to job to Big Dust now, too? Show’s embarrassing moment this week: Dashing Cody Rhodes applying lip balm. No way, Dashing Cody was awesome. And Cody just leaves while Dusty sort of dances. Another segment that was total death with no point.
Alberto Del Rio & Daniel Bryan v. Sheamus & Mean Gene Okerlund
I’ve only got 10 minutes left on my DVR and I’m ready for this show to end, so hopefully they wrap this up quickly. The babyfaces get Howard Finkel to introduce them. Del Rio slugs it out with Sheamus to start and the heels work Sheamus over, until he gets dumped and Gene is forced to come into the match. The heels surround him, but the other legends run out and make the save, allowing Sheamus to pin Bryan yet again with the kick at 3:30. Again, not really a match. And then everyone beats up on poor Roberto for some reason. And then when everyone is posing, Michael Cole comes in to wrap things up, and he gets punched out too. OK then.
The Pulse
Well that was…uh…something. If you were expecting Old School RAW Part 2, you sure didn’t get it. In fact it was probably one of the worst wrestling shows I’ve seen in years, with none of this stuff getting over in the least. Not to mention the whole point was supposed to be promoting Legends House and they didn’t even say if, when or where it was going to air on TV at any point. Just a massive disappointment given that I was pretty excited to see this leading into it.
I was hoping with Mick out there we would get a Dean Ambrose appearance. They played up their feud again on twitter tonight but are they really gonna debut this guy against Foley and then tell everyone the reason is because they argued on twitter? My guess is that they are delaying it until Foley gets in better shape, hopefully it's sooner rather than later.
ReplyDeleteA catch-22: WWE has spent the last four years sanitizing their product into a kid-friendly TV show, in the hopes of having an audience that's more likely to believe what they say, ignore negative stories on the internet, and to cheer John Cena no-questions-asked, as opposed to us crusty older fans who question motives and are less likely to give in to attempts at Pavlovian command.
ReplyDeleteBut then they put on a show featuring stars of the 1980s, and a younger crowd has no idea the relevance of the Million Dollar Man or Hacksaw or Mean Gene or Dusty or why they were so special in their time.
When I was ten years old watching in 1994, I had no idea why the Quebecers were so afraid of Captain Lou as a manager for the Headshrinkers, because I was too young to understand that Albano was the epitome of managers when it came to tag teams.
To those kids in the audience, Ted Dibiase Sr may as well be someone who looks like their school's vice principal, and not the coolest heel of the late eighties.
Did you know that Jimmy Hart managed Demolition? According to Josh Matthews, he managed them to tag team gold.
ReplyDeleteAnd apparently according to Jimmy Hart, he's managed more tag teams to tag gold than anyone in the history of WWE. I wonder how Capt Lou would feel about that were he still around.
I also don't think Tony Atlas knew the name of the person he was supposed to pick in the Ryback match. He said he was going "...with the young guy."
Anyone else think that Mick Foley's "enough is enough and it's time for a change" line was a shout out in Owen's memory?
Without a doubt. I posted about it on the other page. Considering how close Foley and Owen were, there's no chance that's a coincidence.
ReplyDeleteIt was kind of funny how the old guard got so excited about a "good old fashioned squash match" as that type of match really is one of the most distinct differences between the old and modern eras. The legends collecting around the TV to watch a squash is like your grandparents stopping the radio station when they catch the first strains of big band music.
ReplyDeleteI was laughing pretty hard at the Cody Rhodes segment. It wasn't that long ago, but given where the character has gone, it was pretty clever of them to have Show use one of the old "dashing" promos to humiliate Cody. It shows just how little self awareness heels tend to have that they'll cut such incriminating promos only to be embarrassed by them as soon as their character starts trying to get serious.
ReplyDeleteI was kind of bummed Bryan didn't throw the LeBell Lock on Piper. If they really want to assert him as a heel, that would have been far more effective than that slap, especially given we just saw a much better slap on Monday. Piper is kind of endearing as the walking talking old vet, if Bryan would have grabbed his arm on one of those chest pokes and brought him down to the canvas, they could have finally refreshed his killer instinct after the 18 second loss. Sheamus could have then chased him off of course, but at least Bryan would be leaving a body in his wake as he "Yes! Yes! Yes!"ed his way back to the locker room.
ReplyDeleteAnother reason the crowd was "dead"? They were "zeroing out" the crowd's chanting to get it more in line with what they want. Why even run live shows if you don't like how the crowd reacts?
ReplyDeleteThey need to have Sheamus feud with Jericho. Sheamus likes to buy alcohol; Jericho likes to waste it by pouring it on people.
ReplyDeleteIt's not arguing over a shampoo commercial, but it'll do
I loved Piper's Pit, I thought Roddy was great in his role. Everything else was total filler.
ReplyDeleteI can already tell Damien Sandow is probably gonna end up being my favorite wrestler. Hasn't even wrestled a match and I'm a huge mark
ReplyDeleteOh and how dare they insult the Dashing Cody Rhodes gimmick, that gimmick was awesome and very helpful.
Sounds like I dodged a bullet when I forgot to record this tonight. I was pretty excited for it, too.
ReplyDeleteSo Bryan is getting his rematch at Extreme Rules. That's in Smark City, Chicago right?
ReplyDeleteCould be a fun night, and at least it's guaranteed to go longer than 18 seconds.
You know who Bryan should feud with once this Sheamus thing is done? Cena. Right now there is a nearly exact correlation between the fact that the people who boo Cena, cheer Bryan and the only ones they'll get to boo Bryan are the kids that cheer Cena.
Why would you bother recording when WWE puts the entire show in YouTube?
ReplyDeleteDisappointing to say the least. The Cody Rhodes segment looked like it was going somewhere, and then just kind of tapered off. I was expecting Dusty to motivate Cody or something. Anything. And on a side note, how did THAT give birth to...I mean....THAT! Cody's mom must be 6/10s a Goddess or something.
ReplyDeleteAside from Piper's Pit, there was nothing to get excited about. No Dean Ambrose (except for the sign while Foley was on commentary). Thhhhhhhppppppppt
Dark fear though for everyone: what if Randy Orton somehow manages to horn his way into the Brock Lesner storyline?
ReplyDeleteCena loses to Lesner, Orton somehow beats Punk for the belt after Johnny puts the two in a match together on a whim, and Orton ends up beating Lesner/giving him his first major defeat since coming back to the WWE?
Worse, they turn Punk heel and put him and Lesner together (under the logic of needing Punk to do all of Lesner's promo work) and we get Punk/Lesner vs Orton/Cena or say, Punk/Lesner/Danials vs Orton/Cena/Shemus as the big storyline for the summer?
"Orton somehow beats Punk for the belt after Johnny puts the two in a match together on a whim, and Orton ends up beating Lesner/giving him his first major defeat since coming back to the WWE?"
ReplyDeleteOR, Mark Henry wins a random title match, then beats Lesnar, then beats Rock.
OR, Curt Hawkins wins a gauntlet match of Cena, Lesnar and Orton.
See? I can say unlikely things for no reason too.
Because he can easily watch it on a larger screen without any effort, doesn't have to watch the whole thing in separate clips, doesn't run the risk of lowering his IQ by reading any Youtube comments, etc.
ReplyDeleteHey, they based their biggest feud of the last couple of years based around two guys leaving catty remarks on Twitter.
ReplyDeleteWWE doesn't allow comments on their youtube channel...
ReplyDeleteRoberto? Ricardo.
ReplyDeleteAm I the only one that thinks Ryback's finisher looks very similar to Brock Lesnar's variation of a fisherman suplex? Also I'm sick of seeing generic angry big guy wrestlers that have no depth to their character. Only monstrous freaks of nature draw in my books like Lesnar and Batista, and even those two had more depth in the height of their drawing power. Lesnar had credentials as a former NCAA amateur champion as well as being labelled 'The Next Big Thing' and I would argue it was only after he defeated top main event talents like The Rock and Taker that he became a true draw. Batista used to initially annoy me because he had this angry intense persona but no depth. Back in my mark days I used to be like; 'Wait, is he angry because he used to be a Deacon for D-Von Dudley?' But once he became an enforcer for Evolution I began to like him as a wrestler, and then even more with the whole slow turn on Triple H.
ReplyDeleteThey do on some videos now strangely enough..
ReplyDeleteLike everything these days, you have to go on Twitter to get the full story.
ReplyDeleteDid they finally work out that no-one pays to see Del Rio?
ReplyDeleteFunny thing is, when he first arrived I was keen to see how he would develop. But no, that's it, that's all we're getting. Capable wrestler, yes, but just so dull.
Great point, and they'd probably work well together.
ReplyDeleteThe WWE needs to get wrestling minds and not failed comedy and soap-opera writers to put the storylines together. They can get a good run for about two weeks then it all falls to shit again.
ReplyDeleteWhoever thought this show was a good idea in 2012 clearly has no clue as to what today's wrestling fan wants to see. This was lame by 1984 county fair standards.
This show was the absolute definition of pointless. WWE could not have possibly cared less when booking this show. Well, they probably could have by not booking anything at all, but still.
ReplyDeleteYeah, that was my question. What are they going to do when the rabid YES chants break out in Chicago and Sheamus gets booed?
ReplyDeleteJesse, you forgot to get Kevin Nash involved in the storyline somehow. You're starting to slip
ReplyDeleteDusty Rhodes in High Definition is a walking anti-blading PSA.
ReplyDeleteThey'll have Daniel Bryan job to 2 Brogue Kicks in 18 seconds, that's what they'll do.
ReplyDeleteHa, that's funny Miko. I was thinking the same thing. Show him not to get over when he's not supposed to.
DeleteNine seconds each.
ReplyDeleteI was hoping Dusty would pull another heel turn like he did on RAW a few years back when Dibiase refused to help his son but Dusty went all "I can't say no to him" and helped Cody against Orton or whoever he was feuding with at the time.
ReplyDelete...because he's supposed to be a coward. That would make him look TOO strong in their eyes. Can't let anyone get any real momentum going.
ReplyDeleteWait a minute...where's the mastermind in this whole thing? C'mon now. You've got fans, Jesse, don't let us down.
ReplyDeleteGod, you'd think I'd learn. I liked Old School Raw, so I recorded this show on a whim. What a shit sandwich. Even if they did this because a lot of guys were en route to Russia, then why not use some legends for matches more? I had to stop recording an hour in because of a DVR conflict, but I'm fine with that.
ReplyDeleteDrew McIntyre was the only one with enough sense to just walk off the show.
ReplyDeleteGoldberg? Hello? Ryback's off to a great start.
ReplyDeleteScott, didn't you used to be captain of the Del Rio Bandwagon?
ReplyDeleteI guarantee they find a way to how that match end in 18 seconds.
ReplyDeleteIt was, Bret and Natalya thanked Foley on Twitter for his comment.
ReplyDeleteAwful show save for the Piper's Pit segment...just so frustrated that they did everything possible to suffocate the entire "YES!" movement and bring Bryan back to Earth...I'm holding out hope for a really good match at Extreme Rules but I fear it'll be burial to enforce the fact that we need to cheer SHEAMUS and that Bryan is a geek.
ReplyDeleteTotally agree, if not for Piper this show was two hours of pure garbage. This was worse then the Heroes of Wrestling PPV. Horrible waste of time
ReplyDeleteCheck out my recap at:
http://nala310.wordpress.com/
Sadly that wouldn't surprise if that's what they do. Thus making more time for a Khali versus Otunga match.
ReplyDeleteSandow is pretty decent in the ring. He got about five minutes with JTG in a dark match before Raw and I'd say it was about **1/2 to **3/4. Nothing earth-shattering but a fun match with Perfectly Acceptable Wrestling.
ReplyDelete"Glad to see the crowd actually reacting how they wanted so they didn’t have to freak out any further. "
ReplyDeleteSocially, Hampton, VA is a long way from smarky places like Miami, the northeast corridor, and Chicago. The YES! chants will come out in full force at the PPV.
Ryback seems like a walking wellness firing, so I think he's probably getting pushed simply so that BROCK!! can destroy him in seconds with shock value and then complain of the lack of legitimacy.
ReplyDeleteI think Ryback will be fine - he's already shown himself to be relatively good on the mic, and has played both a friendly bumpkin and a stone-cold killer with equal aplomb.
ReplyDeleteIt seems a bit premature to be talking about drawing power in relation to the guy when he's been doing this new gimmick for all of a week of TV.
ReplyDeleteThat second one seems plausible. I could see Cena, Lesnar, and Orton all having crippling fears of men with vanity canes that Hawkins could exploit.
ReplyDeleteYeah, that about covers it. I'm not a big fan of watching anything wrestling wise on Youtube that doesn't involve Puppet Triple H these days.
ReplyDeleteHow shitty must it be to be Lord Tensai? Not only is the crowd shitting all over you, but you were supposed to come back to be a dominant badass till Lesnar showed up...and funny how the crowds consist of mostly young folks who barely had an idea of who the Rock was yet vociferously chant Albert....I give it till July till Mr. Bloom is Giant Bernard again, far away from this failed experiment...I mean....they had to know this Mortal Kombat gimmick would flop...
ReplyDelete... What crowd barely had an idea of who the Rock was? Dude got the loudest pop on every show he appeared at last year and this year. Including his return last February.
ReplyDeleteEven the kids know Rocky because of his Disney flicks.
Admittedly the crowd at Tuesday's show had no idea who Foley was, apparently, which is really odd to me.
I'm pretty sure Khali vs Otunga would be the main event of Wrestlemania if it was held in Hell.
ReplyDeleteKinda disappointed with the show as well. Best part was Damian Sandow's taped sketch. I have a feeling when he finally talks inside the ring, you're going to hear a lot of WHAT! chants. I'm getting a huge "Lanny "The Genius" Poffo vibe off of him, but he could still prove interesting. What's the point of having all these new heels when they barely have any "over" faces to challenge them? They're not even using their best heels properly now.
ReplyDelete