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Michael's Impact Review

Impact Wrestling on Spike TV
May 10, 2012
The Impact Zone - Orlando, Florida

-  Your hosts are Mike Tenay and Taz.
-  We begin Impact with Bobby Roode headed to the ring.  He brags about the fact he took out Mr. Anderson last week.  Then he took out RVD with a DDT to a steel chair.  He's a regular one-man wrecking crew and is oozing amazement.  In two weeks, he will become the longest reigning TNA Champion in the HISTORY OF THE WORLD!  Out runs RVD, who has had enough of listening to the champ's accolades.  He chases Roode out the ring and Mr. Anderson attacks Roode from behind and throws him in the ring.  Now Jeff Hardy runs in the ring and we got ourselves a BEAT-DOWN!  Referees run in to restore order and cue Hulk Hogan's music.  He is liking what he is seeing.  Almost reminds him of the nWo.  Not his words, mine.  He has an idea to shake things up tonight.  He's thinking about a fatal four way for tonight.  If Hardy or Anderson scores the pinfall, they take RVD's spot in the main event at Sacrifice.  If Roode wins, he can choose any of the three to face at Sacrifice.  If RVD wins, he keeps his title shot and he can name the stipulation at Sacrifice.  RVD agrees and things are official.

-  Backstage, Bully Ray says although Austin Aries is small; he has been the biggest thorn in his side EV-AH!  He is tired of Aries "bullying" him around.  He is taking out Aries for good tonight, but you gotta stay tuned to see how.

-  On tap for tonight, we get an update on James Storm.  We get a FINAL CONFRONTATION between Matt Morgan and Crimson.  (Although they only fought once, but who's keeping score)  But up next, Brooke Tessmacher (who was photographed in an awfully cold studio) takes on Velvet Sky.  

-  Backstage, Gail Kim is concerned with Brooke beating her for the title.  Well, not really.  Madison is concerned for looking great for a guy in the crowd.  She asks Gail he opinion and Gail cares.  Well, not really.

1.  Velvet Sky vs.  Brooke Tessmacher
-  Tessmacher with a monkey flip and shoots Velvet across the ring.  She tries is again and gets dumped on her back.  Brooke dropkicks her down and gives her a stinkface.  Velvet is up and takes exception.  She stomps a mudhole in Brooke and throws some knees to the face.  Basement dropkick gets 2.  Velvet goes for In Yo Face and gets driven back to the corner.  Brooke with a back suplex into a face lant for the win @ 3:41.  (Match was decent until the horrible looking finish.  C-.)

-  Post match, Gail runs out and nails Brooke from behind.  (Wouldn't we all like to...)  Eat DeFeet for Brooke's troubles and Gail stands over Brooke as we fade to a promo for James Storm.  

-  Elsewhere, AJ Styles is gearing up for Kurt Angle at Sacrifice...not concerned about what Daniels and Kazarian are gonna reveal later.

-  AND elsewhere, Jeff Hardy will bring an end to the selfish generation.

2.  "THE UNDEFEATED" Crimson vs.  Matt Morgan
-  As Morgan heads down to the ring, Bully Ray attacks him from behind.  He smashes a chair against his head and the ring post.  Morgan is busted open.  D Lo Brown, Al Snow, Pat Kenney, and referees run down to make the save and Morgan is twitching something bad.  WHAT?!?!?  NO FINAL CONFRONTATION!?!?!?

-  Back on Impact and...oh shit, Crimson has a mic.  He says he is tired of Morgan running his mouth about always wanting to end his streak.  He has the referee exercise the 10 count on Morgan.  Ya know, Dick Crimson ain't so bad.  

-  We get the pleasure of RVD quoting Greek mythology.  Interesting story and how he compares himself to Achilles.  Austin Aries defends his X Division title next.

3.  Zema Ion vs.  Austin Aries
-  Aries with a side headlock and kicks Ion out the ring.  Aries dives to the outside, but nobody home.  Ion takes off with a somersault dive on the outside connecting on Aries.  Back inside, back suplex into a knee smash gets 2 for Ion.  Jumping, middle rope moonsault meets the knees of Aries.  Ion drives Aries to the corner and Aries goes up top.  Missile dropkick connects.  Delayed running dropkick and Brain Buster gets Aries the win @ 4:18.  (SOLID match and the crowd is gonna apeshit for Aries these days.  C+.)

-  Daniels and Kazarian head to the ring.  FINALLY we find out what this big surprise is.

-  We re-live the opening segment form earlier.  Backstage, RVD says he is thinking ladder match for the stipulation if he wins.  He also says "no one gets higher than RVD".

-  In the ring, Daniels and Kazarian are ready to reveal AJ's secret.  Daniels gives AJ one last shot to come out and reveal things himself.  AJ comes out and says things need to stop now.  Kazarian says he was protecting AJ at first, then he saw this information and he couldn't protect him anymore.  We see a picture of AJ and Dixie Carter at a bar.  The second photo shows AJ with his hands on her face.  The last photo is AJ kissing Dixie.  Daniels says a picture is worth a thousand words and drops the photos at AJ's feet as they leave the ring.  

4.  Robbie E (with ROBBIE T) vs.  Devon
-  Devon fights off Robbie E and ROBBIE T at the same time.  Standing spinebuster wins it for Devon @ 1:13.  (DUD)

-  Post match ROBBIE T lays out Devon with a standing powerslam.  Robbie E stands up and holds up Devon's belt.

-  James Storm is talking about building a barn and taking time away from the ring, while wearing ripped jeans and looking like a bad ass, in his opinion.

-  Backstage, Joesph Park is headed out to the ring.  Why?

-  Devon is challenging both Robbies to match at Sacrifice.  Bad idea....

-  A professional looking fake news story is shown about the disappearance of Abyss.  This brings Joseph Park to the ring.  He is impressed with how the Impact Zone looks.  He is sweating something serious and turns his attention to Bully Ray.  He says he isn't going away.  He promises to buy a ticket and be at Sacrifice on Sunday.  Well he'll be the only asshole paying for a seat in the Impact Zone.  Out comes Bully Ray.  He says this isn't a courtroom, its a ring.  He says he will do the same thing to Park that he did earlier to Morgan.  Park asks if Bully got beat by Abyss.  Then he asks if Ray lost to Devon again.  He then wonders if Ray got beat up by a man half his size last week.  He asks how the whole bullying thing is working out for him and Ray shoves Park down.  

-  Ken Anderson says something but I found the Celtics-Hawks game more interesting, so I switched the channel.

5.  Rob Van Dam vs.  Mr. Anderson vs.  Jeff Hardy vs.  Bobby Roode
-  Stereo ass-whipping for Roode as the bell rings.  RVD shoves everyone aside to get him some.  Hardy and Anderson do battle on the other side of the ring.  Anderson gets sent to the outside.  Roode backdrops RVD to the floor.  Hardy misses a Whisper in the Wind and Roode covers for 2.  We'll be right back!  Back on Impact and Hardy nails a basement dropkick on Rode.  He dives off the apron at RVD and misses and EATS THE GUARDRAIL!  Anderson in the ring and clotheslines Roode down.  RVD back in and hits a Split Legged Moonsault on Anderson for 2.  Springboard side kick by RVD goes for Rolling Thunder but runs into a DOUBLE R SPINEBUSTER for 2.  Roode goes for the Fisherman Suplex on Roode, blocked, Twist of Fate connects!  Anderson runs in and nails the Mic Check.  Anderson spears Hardy to the outside and RVD nails a FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH for the win @ 9:33.  (Good main event.  Got to it, high spots, fast paced, and a quick commercial break.  I'll take that business all day.  B-.)

-  RVD sits atop the ladder and points down at Roode.  PYRO EXPLODES AND ABYSS IS STANDING AT THE TOP OF THE RAMP!  He tells his brother he is getting too close to the fire and to back off before he gets burned.  Show ends.  

-  Last week I watched Impact and tried to see it from the eyes of a TNA fan (instead of the majority).  I did the same this week and enjoyed the show tremendously.  The matches and stories were well mixed.  They did a great job of hyping their pay per view, and it wasn't even a go-home show.  Although many are taking a shit on the AJ reveal, I liked it.  I makes for a new story with many twist and turns.  Right now, though, my attention is on Spike TV's MMA Uncensored show with King Mo and Dixie Carter announcing that he will compete in TNA and Bellator.  I'm actually more interested in how Dixie is on TV with "fuck hair".  See you next Thursday.


  1. I don't watch TNA so I don't know if they are still burying Joe, but now would be the perfect time to build him back up into a monster. King Mo vs Joe could be money.

  2. I have to agree...Impact was less frills-little more thrills this week. I'm hoping their doing a "slow burn" with Aries, and if Impact Wrestling survives a year, he may legitimately be viewed as deserving to be in the title picture by then, and not wedged as Roode was. Although, I'm beginning to see Roode as a good top heel for atop secondary promotion like this, though he would probably be middling in WWE and just be the third man in Vickie's group. If they keep this up, people may actually watch Impact for more than a laugh.

  3. Or pair them up. They could even call them Mojo. Unky Eric would approve.

  4. I mostly shit on the idea of the AJ/Dixie twist because it contradicts the fact that we all know AJ is a devout Christian who even used to wear his fucking wedding ring around his neck when he wrestled.  They tried to make him look like a womanizer before with Flair and no one bought it. 

    And this means Dixie Carter will have another speaking role on-camera, which should never happen under any circumstances.


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