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Michael's Impact Review

MAY 24, 2012

-  Your hosts are Mike Tenay and Taz.
-  It's Open Fight Night #2.  Hulk Hogan is in his office reading the show format sheet?  AJ Styles, Kurt Angle, Jeff Hardy, and Bully Ray are with him.  He shows them the format sheet, Bully Ray tosses it aside.  He basically tells them its an open forum for ideas tonight.  Great idea.  He says Bobby Roode is on the road to becoming the longest reigning World champion in TNA history.  AJ Styles says it is important as Kurt Angle being a gold medalist.  Angle says he has won more titles than anyone in the room.  Ray says EVERYONE fears him and he can intimidate him if he wanted to.  Angle and Ray go back and forth until things turn towards AJ.  AJ says he has been there the longest and he wants to end Roode's streak.  Angle says he beat him the last time they fought.  AJ says its because Daniels and Kazarian helped him.  Jeff Hardy speaks up and says let the fans decide.  FINALLY Angle asks Hogan what he wants to do.  Hogan says Bully won't get the shot because he has been a main eventer for only a year.  Fucking horseshit is what I say.

-  Now inside the Impact Zone, and Gail Kim heads to the ring along with Madison Rayne.  She says she is the most dominant Knockouts Champion in the history of the company.  She built the division and everything revolves around her.  She has one blemish on her resume.  The Knockouts Tag Team Titles.  She wants to challenge Eric Young and ODB-Young to a match for the titles with Madison.  

1.  Gail Kim & Madison Rayne vs.  Eric Young & ODB-Young
-  EY and Gail begin it and she works his arm.  They trade holds until EY gets in trouble for a waistlock.  ODB comes in with a fallaway slam.  We'll be right back.  Back on Impact Wrestling, ODB is in trouble and Madison comes in.  She boots ODB in the head for 2.  Gail back in and ODB spears her down.  HOT TAGS AROUND and Madison hammers EY as he struts around the ring.  Madison slaps him in the face and EY drops trow.  Hiptosses and bodyslams for everybody!  ODB tagged back in and hits a running powerslam on Gail for 2.5.  Gail jumps into the arms of ODB and Madison trips her up and holds the legs down for the win @ 9:48.  We have NEW TNA KNOCKOUT TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!  (Comedy match, but good wrestling and a decent opener.  C-.)

-  Hogan is shown in his office and says its been a while since he's seen him.  He punctuates it with a "holy shizzz".

-  In the Impact Zone, Rob Van Dam heads out to the ring and calls out Gunner.  Leading to:

2.  Rob Van Dam vs.  Gunner
-  The brawl on the outside and Gunner throws a chair in the ring.  He comes in and trades shots with RVD. Step over kick drops Gunner followed by Rolling Thunder.  He charges the corner for the monkey flip and gets nailed in the jaw with an elbow.  Cover gets 2.  RVD battles back and Gunner grabs the chair.  RVD with a side kick to the chair and Gunner is out.  RVD heads up top and NAILS A FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH ACROSS THE ENTIRE RING FOR THE WIN !@ 2:52.  (Simple squash but great ending.  D+.)

-  Back on Impact, Devon is in the ring.  Oh yeah, we forgot to defend the TV belt last week.  He took part in the battle royal last week so he couldn't defend his belt.  He wants to give Garret Bischoff a chance at the belt since he eliminated him last week.  Dear God.

3.  Devon vs.  Garret Bischoff
-  Devon begins with a side headlock takeover.  Garret returns with the same and Devon misses a shoulderblock.  Both men back to their feet.  Devon grabs a side headlock and here comes ROBBIE T and Robbie E for the DRAW @ 55 seconds.  (DUD)  Devon takes out both men and now Garret helps him out.  

-  Hogan is in his office and tells Jeff Hardy he is eliminated from contention.  

-  Bully Ray makes his way to the ring and fucks with crowd plants before entering.  Hogan eliminated him from contention and he is pissed off.  He will take it out on everyone in the Impact Zone.  Please be my guest.  He calls out Joseph Park and here he comes down to the ring.  Park wants to hold court with the IZ as a jury.  Crowd chants guilty and Ray drops Park.  He whips him with a chain and tells him "not guilty".  

-  Next Gut Check victim is Joey Ryan.  He is from PWG and looks like the Genius off of growth.

4.  Joey Ryan vs.  Austin Aries
-  Nice chain wrestling to start and Aries takes him down on a drop toe hold.  Ryan slaps him and Aries beats him to the outside.  Aries grabs his chest hair and Ryan slaps him away.  He goes for a pump handle slam and Aries counters with a ROARIN elbow.  Ryan on the apron and he slingshots into a dropkick by Aries.  He slugs Aries down in the corner.  Wheelbarrow Slam by Ryan gets 2.  Aries catches him with a dropkick to the corner and Brain Buster ends it @ 4:07.  (Ryan is impressive.  Aries keeps making it look so easy.  B-.)

-  THE DECISION (not that one) is next!

-  Bobby Roode is headed to the ring and it's only 10:20?  Can TNA give us a 30 minute main event?  Come on, a man can hope, can't he?  AJ Style and Kurt Angle head to the ring and now, Hulk Hogan.  Hogan rambles and its is taking away from the match.  Finally he decides on AJ Styles.

5.  Bobby Roode vs. AJ Styles
-  Roode bails immediately to slow the pace.  Test of Strength and Roode backs AJ to the corner for chops.    AJ explodes out the corner with a dropkick.  Roode to the outside and we'll be right back!  Back on Impact after 3 minutes of TNA promos on the other side of 3 minutes of regular commercials.  AJ gets backdropped to the floor and Roode slams his shoulder to the ringpost.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Roode works the arm over the ropes and stomps on it.  AJ tries fighting back and Roode smacks the arm again.  Roode charges and AJ backdrops him to the floor.  AJ slingshots to the floor.  AJ sends Roode into the ringsteps.  AJ charges and gets HIPTOSSED on top of the ringsteps!  Back inside, Roode covers for 2.  Elsewhere, Hulk Hogan is notified his guest is here.  We'll be right back.  Back AGAIN on Impact, and Roode drops AJ with a high impact suplex.  Cover gets 2.5.  AJ on the apron, tries a slingshot back in and Roode hits the ropes.  Roode charges into a shoulderblock and AJ springboards into the ring with a forearm.  Cover gets 2.8!  Roode sets AJ on the top rope.  Roode tries the superplex.  AJ headbutts him down.  HIGH MISSILE DROPKICK CONNECTS FOR 2.99999999999!  Roode tries the fisherman suplex, AJ blocks, hits the ropes and SPEARED by Roode.  Cover gets 2.9!  Roode clamps on a Crossface, but AJ counters with a roll-up for 2.  Bridging Chinlock by AJ applied!  Roode makes the ropes.    AJ charges into a DOUBLE R SPINEBUSTER!  Fisherman Suplex by Roode gets 2.9999999999999999999999!  AJ up, side steps Roode, and PELE KICK!  AJ looks up the ramp, goes for the springboard 450, Roode gets the knees up, Fisherman Suplex gets Roode the win @ 21:30.  (Great match.  Clean finish, no ref bump, no bullshit.  Just clean wrestling.  A.)

-  Roode is celebrating in the ring as he has became the longest reigning TNA Champion in the history of the company.  He calls for Hulk Hogan to come out to celebrate with him.  After the commercial break, of course.  

-  Back on Impact and Roode is calling for his confetti shower.  And down pours his Mexican America colored confetti.  Roode drinks champagne as Hulk Hogan comes out.  Hogan congratulates him and says one more person wants to celebrate with Roode.  The lights go out and Sting appears.  He beats Roode out of the ring.  Hogan announces that when Impact goes live next Thursday, Roode will face Sting in a Lumberjack Match.  

-  Son of a bitch.  I'm pulling for the under dog.  I'm amazed at how great that main event was...and then BLAM!  Back to reality with the last 3 minutes of Impact!  STING?!?  Fucking Sting?!?  Even I, the same guy who painted his face like Sting and went to countless WCW/NWA shows in the late 80's and early 90's screaming for Sting is saying "fuck this guy"!  How am I supposed to care about Sting vs Bobby Roode next week.  Remember when Roode beat the living FUCK out of him at Victory Road?  Why do I care?  No no no, TNA.  BAD TNA!  See you next week.  Sorry about the swearing.


  1. The Knockouts Tag was non-title I believe.

  2. I never thought I'd say this... but this show is getting to be consistently BETTER THAN RAW!!

  3. Was it?  I was playing catch up through the whole first hour.  Thanks Tommy.

  4. I'd be interested to hear what people thought about that opening segement. I think i liked the idea of it, sort of a reality show flavor as opposed to the same old back stage skits.

    That main event was awesome, I haven't watched much tna but I do always read your reviews Michael to keep up, but ive watched the last two weeks and think I'm gonna start dvring it.

    Michael, did you not like the opening. I thought it was kind of cool. Do they frequently do there reality show-ish segements?

  5. I liked how they did up the opening segment with the music and seriousness of being the man to face Roode.  Only two parts I hated, 1) they kind of buried Bully Ray.  I'm guilty of being biased and a huge Bully Ray mark.  2) There's a time for shooting and being shoot-ish.  Showing the format sheet and basically telling your viewers that you follow a strict script isn't good for business in my opinion.  WCW tried doing that in the age of Russo and it didn't come off well there either.

  6. I agree that mark madden and tony s screaming about russo and jarrett not being on the format sheet type stuff is bad but tna kind of needs some new ideas. I think maybe showing some fake (but supposed to be real) back stage stuff like booking meetings or guys playing politics might be a way to present their product in a different light. Just the way they filmed and presented it was different than anything I've seen on a wrestling shoe

  7. One thing I've wondered about Open Fight Night: Why exactly is Hogan determining who gets to fight who? I thought the entire point of this concept was that everybody gets to call out whoever they want and BAM! the match is made.

    And aren't all the titles supposed to be defended during Open Fight Night as well?
    If that's the case, then:
    A: Why was Austin Aries' match and the Knockouts match both non-title? and
    B: Where in the hell were Daniels and Kazarian when they were presumably supposed to be defending the tag titles?
    Were they busy hanging out in Dixie Carter's hotel room or something?

  8. What did everyone think about joey Ryan on the gutcheck. I thought he had a good look and charisma, and bumped around well. The gutcheck is a pretty cool idea.

    Also I can't be the only one who kept watching the four hot girls sitting next to each other in the front row. That many girls watch wrestling? Or does tna just have higher quality ring rats then I would have imagined

  9. Good lord does Joey Ryan have a bad look. He looks like an extra from Boogie Nights, or a kid who recently discovered that he could grow facial hair and decided to run with it but got too creative.  He really isn't able to pull off the Frank Zappa.

    I think it's Progressive Insurance that has that guy who goes around doing random nice things for people, but whatever company it is, that's who he looks like.

    And seriously, Mike Tenay knowing Vivid Video is a bit creepy.

  10. Very true.  I usually only see stars or letters on wrestling shoes.

  11. Part of his gimmick is being a sleazy seventies pornstar wannabe.

  12. I'm pretty sure those girls are models.


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