The SmarK RAW Supershow Rant – 05.14.12
Live from Pittsburgh, PA
Your hosts are Michael Cole & Jerry Lawler
Big Johnny stops COOHHH on the way to the ring in the cold open, wanting to explain the whole Cena thing. HHH is far too busy with complicated arm injuries, however, and blows him off.
COOHHH and his ROBO-SLING are out to talk about Brock Lesnar. Everyone in wrestling, even the dead people, are offended by Brock’s claims of legitimacy. Why does HHH get to say “Randy Savage” and no one else can? HHH gives the History of Brock Lesnar and how he quits every time the going gets tough. That’s some impressive revisionist history about how Lesnar quit the UFC after he got beat up a little bit. Except for when he lost to Frank Mir in his debut and then came back to win the heavyweight title from the greatest fighter of all time. And then was forced into retirement by a horrible intestinal disease. Even the crowd isn’t buying into this speech. Finally Paul Heyman interrupts this boring promo, and he’s here to talk CONTRACT LAW. Oh, shit’s on now. Heyman serves HHH with papers, because Brock is SUING. Oh, this feud is not good thus far.
CM Punk & Santino v. Daniel Bryan & Cody Rhodes
Apparently Cody and Santino are having a Twitter war over which of their titles is more important, which has to be a new low for social media. The heels get tossed and Santino threatens a dive, but gets caught up on the ropes and can’t deliver. And we take a break. Back with Cody beating on Santino in the corner, and it’s over to Daniel Bryan for a dropkick that gets two. This seems to be a very pro-Bryan crowd tonight. Cody stomps him down for two, and Bryan throws yes-assisted kicks, but Santino fights back, so Bryan kicks the crap out of him again and Cody comes in to cut the ring in half. Bryan with more kicks in the corner to the delight of the crowd, but Santino makes a dramatic dive for the tag…and misses. OK, I laughed at that one. Hot tag Punk and he bulldogs Cody, but the GTS is reversed. Punk hits him with the high kick instead for two, but he gets distracted by D-Bry. Cody barely escapes a Cobra, but Goes To Sleep at 10:33 instead. Good tag action here, as Santino works well as face in peril. **3/4
Beth Phoenix v. Alicia Fox
Beth hits Fox with a clothesline out of the corner and drops her with a gorilla slam, then finishes with the Glam Slam at 1:18.
Big Show v. Kane
Kane works him over with shoulders in the corner, but Show fires back with a hiptoss, and Kane gets a crossbody for two. Cole notes that Show has been in WWE for “nearly two decades”, which is some truly funky math even by Cole’s standards. Kane with the chinlock, but Show makes the comeback and goes up with a pump splash that misses. Kane goes up and Show catches him for a chokeslam, but Kane escapes and they fight to the floor. Back in, Big Johnny suddenly stops the match and demands an apology, which distracts Show long enough that Kane chokeslams him for the pin at 4:15. Well Kane is ready for that YouTube pre-show match against Zack Ryder now. * Big Johnny keeps on Show, demanding an apology or else Show is FIRED. Show has a tearful apology, begging for his job, which is ridiculously stupid of him given that anyone in the history of this show who has been “fired” usually comes back by the next week anyway. This went way too long. And then as Johnny is leaving, it goes on LONGER and Show gets on his knees and begs for his job again. And then Big Johnny wishes him the best in his future endeavors anyway. How this makes me want to buy the PPV on Sunday, I have no idea.
Brodus Clay, Kofi Kingston & R-Truth v. Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger & The Miz
Clay cleans house on the heels and we take a break. They just have no idea what to do with Clay anymore, do they? They ran through all the jobbers they had and they don’t want to bump him up to the next level, and they don’t want to beat him, so now he’s just kind of there. Back with R-Truth taking a beating from Miz as the AW gang watches from what looks like literally the farthest point in the entire arena. Hot tag Kofi and like the sun coming up, Miz does the job at 7:02 to Brodus Clay. I love Dolph but he’s stupid to be taking that headbutt bump when he’s barely even in the match. *
Meanwhile, AJ interrupts Punk’s conversation with Alex Riley, but Punk blows her off because he’s worried that she’s crazy and they’re just setting up him. Smart man.
Randy Orton v. Chris Jericho
Apparently this is our main event tonight. And of course we take a break 30 seconds in. Frankly I’m bored of this stupid show and can’t be bothered to recap this because they’re all just sleepwalking through anyway. And of course it’s another screwjob finish as Orton goes for the RKO and Sheamus comes in for the DQ at 7:20.
Big Johnny comes out and has now fallen to the point as a character where he’s calling the fans losers to get cheap heat. Naturally this brings out John Cena, who doesn’t even bother wearing a sling any longer. Hey, it’s been three weeks, he’s fine. And then Cena has the most obnoxious, douchebag promo in the history of Cena’s smug douchebag promos, acting like a child and doing bad comedy to build up their match. And it goes on FOREVER, like even longer than the Big Show crap. Finally Eve interrupts with a letter from the incredibly fickle board of directors, who have decided that Johnny Ace will not be appointing any special referees, and anyone who interferes will be FIRED. Just like Big Show, who will obviously run in and cost Cena the match to win his job back. Oops, the entire internet guessed that one, maybe they’ll change it to SWERVE us now. Oh, and if Cena wins, Johnny is fired. So for those paying attention at home, Cena gets to job to Johnny Ace, a retired midcarder, to set up a summer feud with Big Show that we’ve already seen a million times, and that’s why he HAD to beat Brock Lesnar.
The Pulse
This PPV is NO BUYS. And that might be literal because I can’t imagine anyone in their right mind paying money for this show.
Clay reminds me of Tatanka's first run...over enough to win easy matches, but never having a win in bigger matches while staying undefeated..like that bomb of a first round draw at King Of Ring 93
ReplyDeleteIt's funny, two weeks ago I was actually planning to order the PPV for Punk/Bryan. And now two weeks later, they have somehow managed to turn me off from a PPV that I knew was going to be headlined by Ace/Cena. I KNEW THAT BEFORE and they SOMEHOW TURNED ME OFF EVEN MORE. I actually thought Ace/Cena had a little potential in a crazy overbooking kind of way (you know, Ace comes to the ring with Tensai as special enforcer, Otunga is guest referee, Eve sits at ringside and does the Dude Love/Austin adding stipulations as they go along thing), and then they totally threw even that bit of potential away and now expect me to pay $55 to see a straight up wrestling match featuring Johnny Ace in 2012. Wuh huh? Now there's no chance. And when the PPV does negative buys, guess who will get blamed? Punk/Bryan of course!
ReplyDeleteI think Lesnar makes the run-in to allow Big Johnny to hit the Ace Crusher for the W.
ReplyDeleteSo Vince has been known to change angles based on word getting out. Everyone and their mothers have guessed that Big Show will cause Cena to lose. Now I guess we'll find out if Vince changes things because the internet finds out or because the internet finds out and is looking forward to it. Because no one is looking forward to Cena/Big Show part 692.
ReplyDeleteJohnny L's novelty run has ended.. get him off my TV screen. Horrible horrible Raw... I wish Heyman would of done a shoot promo on HHH, but because he is the boss I guess we won't see any legit dirt exposed here, thus keeping this feud from being interesting at all.
ReplyDeletePainfully awful Raw.
I feel like Vince won't change this one, only because they're semi limited in what they can actually do and have it make ANY sense. Presumably Johnny has to win, unless they're going to change any angles involving him because "the internet guessed it". If so, the only real possibilities to interfere are Brock or Show, and if they're planning on doing Show/Cena, it almost has to be Show. But I sure do agree that I don't want to see Cena/Show. You could be right...since we're not looking forward to it, why change it?
ReplyDeleteHow long until the big game changing spring to summer angle ala Nexus or Summer of Punk? Cause this is the part of the year where I always debate never watching WWE again for a month or so and then just as I decide "if this show doesn't sell me, I'm done", they do something cool like those two angles. If I promise next week is totally my last show ever, will they bump it up and do something awesome next week?
And of course the 5* Punk/Bryan match will cop the blame for the buys
ReplyDeleteI'm with you except that I'm actually okay with Johnny. I can see why others aren't but I'm alright with him. I do agree that it was a painfully awful Raw, though. I just don't think Johnny was the problem...just some god awful writing, booking, etc with some huge steps back for some people (like Cena reverting back to Cena at his most obnoxious...just as he was starting to turn some of his haters to "Well, I still don't like him, but at least he's acting more intense...").
ReplyDeleteAnd it should. We all know the big draw is people paying $55 to watch Johnny Ace wrestle a main event match in 2012. Certainly nobody's going to pay to see those midcard losers wrestle for that spinny thing.
ReplyDeleteMaybe it's the conspirator in me, but I wonder if WWE is intentionally drawing lower buyrates for throw-away PPV's so he can use the prospect of moving them to The Network as an incentive to get someone to pick it up. Stupid thought, i know, but could we put it past them?
ReplyDeleteActually hadn't seen the Big Show idea mentioned anywhere except for your comment, but during the whole Show/Ace bit, it occurred to me that this could be setting up Show for a heel turn in general (doing Ace's dirty work) in order to get his job back. It didn't occur to me that's how he'd be doing the dirty work (pulling a Bossman '99 with the briefcase, i.e. "not being under contract"), but it makes sense.
ReplyDeleteAt least that would make me think that they know they're putting out a horrible product and they killed off the best thing they had going in forever at the last PPV.
ReplyDeleteThat would mean WWE would be ripping off the movie Major League. They can't even be original with their conspiracies anymore.
ReplyDeleteScott, no love for the Gleaming the Cube reference? That's prime 80's right there ('89, so it counts).
ReplyDeleteHow does Christian Slater deal with the murder of his adopted Vietnamese brother? Why, by asking Tony Hawk to stand in for him while he skateboards IN ANGER!
I admit, though, I used to watch that movie a lot. I still remember at the end of the ANGRY SKATEBOARDING scene when Slater is EXHAUSTED from Tony Hawk's ANGRY SKATEBOARDING stand-in that he just sits there while the skateboard shuffles to and fro on the ramp in the background.
Jesus did this show ever suck
ReplyDeleteBut where's the cardboard cutout of Linda that we remove the clothes from for every ***+ match?
ReplyDeleteIn the live thread pretty much everyone guessed it right off the bat and it was all over twitter. Refresh my memory, what was the deal with Bossman and the briefcase in 99, because I have no idea what you're talking about.
ReplyDeleteConsidering Punk and Bryan are internet darlings, plus the shitty card and build for the rest of the ppv, I think this may be the most pirated PPV other than WM.
ReplyDeleteWhat a horrible, heatless bore of a RAW this was.
ReplyDeleteThe Bryan/Rhodes Vs Punk/Santino match was fun but surely not how you sell your goddam title match on the go home show before the PPV. You've got two of the most of guys on the roster than they've barely been given any time to build interest in the match.
Everything else is just utterly meh. The big show stuff was ridiculous. I know it's mad to complain about a lack of internal logic in wrestling but how can you run a storyline about Big Show being bullied out of his job and having no recourse but to beg for it, whilst at the same time having Brock lawyer up. Here's a thing show; get Heyman's number rather than dropping to your knees.
They have a big problem with how over exposed John Laurenitis is right now. He was in 3 segments last night including the main event. I like big Johnny as a character, but the descent into Mr McMahon 2012 has made him incredibly stale.
Consider this; John Laurenitis is the only main event heel currently active in the WWE. There is nobody that the WWE presents as on his level.
Jericho? Heat evaporated post rumble & WM and now back to making up the numbers
Del Rio? Couldn't carry a title match one on one
Swagger & Ziggler? Midcard fodder right now
Bryan? Over but in a weird tweener place. WWE backing him in spite of themselves
Miz? Jobbed within an inch of his life
Kane? Just Kane.
Tensai? Not over and strangely AWOL last night
Brocks in a category all by himself and is a tweener anyway.
If any of these heels were given the storylines and TV time John Laurenitis has had then maybe RAW wouldn't be such a bore. Punk/Bryan is literally the only thing I'm watching for right now
God, that match is awful.
ReplyDeleteIs this the first PPV WWE Title Match without a single promo between the competitors to hype it? It's almost like they are actively working to tank the buy rate.
ReplyDeleteThe WWE Title hasn't felt this much like a midcard paperweight since the days of Big Show vs Big Boss Man. At least that match had an over the top tacky buildup. All we're getting now is AJ becoming the first Diva in history to strike out with CM Punk.
They are going to waste a Brock Lesnar PPV appearance on that?
ReplyDeleteWell, this *is* WWE we're talking about, so you might be on to something there.
Doesn't Christian Slater do something ridiculous like ollie over a highway on ramp at the end of the movie? I haven't seen it since I was a kid, so I don't remember. I have a distinct memory of Tony Hawk driving a Pizza hut truck down the street while a bunch of dudes skate next to him and that's about it.
ReplyDeleteCorrect me if I'm wrong, but wasn't his first loss to either Ludvig Borga or Yoko? Seems like I remember it happening on Raw.
ReplyDeleteIt does seem strange that two of the best talkers they have are only interacting in the ring.
ReplyDeleteMy problem with John L. is no matter how much heat he gets, or how hated he becomes, he's NOT a full-time wrestler. He's not gonna headline WrestleMania, SummerSlam, Survivor Series...it's the same as when Vickie was the biggest heel on SmackDown...yeah, she got a huge reaction, but for what purpose? We were never gonna get Vickie-Edge or Cena-Vickie headlining a PPV (i hoped) so, why sacrifice others for them?
ReplyDeleteI can't wait for the WWE In Your Courthouse PPV series to start!
ReplyDeleteBut...he LOOKED AT HIM, you guys! There was LOOKING!
ReplyDeleteNot only was he in three segments, but how many times did they have to replay that confrontation with Show from last week?
ReplyDeleteThat reference almost turned me around on that horrible promo on its own, but then he had to go and reference the reference and just ruin everything.
ReplyDeleteI believe their referencing the King Of The Ring match of Austin v Vince and Shane where on Heat Bossman was fired from the Corporation....during the match, Austin tries to get a briefcase for CEO, it gets raised from him, then lowered for Vince, then the next night Bossman is back in the Corporation. It was never specifically said that I recall Bossman did it, but it was the obvious thing.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if Paul kept those ECW bankruptcy attorneys on retainer, you know, just in case.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I'm totally buying a PPV based off a smoldering sexual tension staredown.
ReplyDeleteMy roommate, who isn't really a fan but watches with me every week just for something to do, legitimately asked me if "this would be on the PPV" when Paul yelled "I'll see you in court."
ReplyDeleteYou know what takes up nearly 20 minutes and is entertaining? A wrestling match.
ReplyDeleteSo of course the matches on WWE shows are 5 minutes long and instead we have people speaking for 20 minutes to make a point they could make in 5.
Do we know how many PPV appearances he has? I'm with you if it's limited. I thought it was something like 2 Raws plus PPV every month, but if the PPV appearances are limited, then yeah, it absolutely shouldn't be him, you shouldn't waste a PPV appearance on that.
ReplyDeleteWhich means we can expect Brock interference on Sunday.
Oh God! I just had a flashback of the RAw where Bishchoff went on trial to keep his GM job. Will we finally see the return Of Judge Vince?
ReplyDeleteThe WWE championship hasn't main evented a pay per view since TLC in December. why oh WHY was that ambulance match the main event at elimination chamber
ReplyDeleteJust think, soon we may have a pre-game show that will have the scenes that set up the skits that setup the angle that gets paid off in the RAW main Event to be continued on the PPV. It's about time!
ReplyDeleteBorga on RAW, yes. Hell of a lot of good THAT did either guy.
ReplyDeleteSo *that's* why AJ is in the middle of all this!
ReplyDeleteWell someone has to hold the camera, duh.
ReplyDeleteAnother sad case of a European immigrant taking down the poor Native American.
ReplyDeleteIt's obvious Shane Douglas is gonna run in and hit Cena with a Franchiser so that The Dynamic Dudes can revitalize tag team wrestling once again. Geez, what's wrong with you people?
ReplyDeleteYou and your logic. Get a job and move out of your mom's basement, you Internet nerd! Now, back to what's trending on Twitter...
ReplyDeleteI get that the whole Big Show firing segment was to get Big Johnny some heat for Sunday, but GOD DAMN that was unnecessarily long and like most I am expected Show to interfere on behalf of Ace.
ReplyDeleteI'm meh on the Heyman/Lesnar suing the WWE, I mean it can't be any worse than the Little People's Court, right?????
Gasp! Can they tweet the Eric Bischoff version of the move names?! I want to see Ace botch a "jumping twist back heel front kick"! I might just buy the t-shirt for that gimmick...
ReplyDeleteI have been watching the WWE for 25 years. Since my hometown recieved PPV availability in 1991, I've only missed a handful of Pay Per Views. In Your House 2 (kitchen fire in MY house the day before). Armageddon '04 (was invited to something better, and I was sick of JBL). Cyber Sunday '08 (had a date wit a girl I'd been chasing for months....hindsight, should've watched the show). Elimination Chamer 2010 (local theater wasnt showing it). Fatal 4 Way (see Cyber Sunday). But yet here we are with a PPV around the corner, coming three weeks after a fantastic PPV, that has no redeemng value for the fans, where we get to see another one of Vince's yesmen, suit his own self induldgence, and finally overcome his inferiortity complex by main eventing against the biggest star, something I'm sure he'd love to dangle in front of his brother's face at the next family BBQ. Johnny is flat out annnoying, and hearing several who have worked with him say what they have said, I truly believe this is all to suit his ego, which for me personally makes him all the more nausiating. Now granted there were several times Vince seemed to be playing to his own ego, more often than not, he was wachable, and also drew money as an on air charachter, and even in a bad angle, could still be very entertaining. Johnny had had minature spurts of entertainment but overall I just find his prescence to be downright insulting. CM Punk has been WWE Champion for six months, he's only closed out a show once, now Wrestlemania I get, as well as the Rumble, but thats plain not right for ANY CHAMPION. Speaking of self induldgence, HHH's promo was his typical "I have to save face" thing, "I've had worse happen to me?", really?? Now before you HHH apologists jump on me, I love the guy every bit as much as I hate him. But the thing is he is serving his own inerests in this feud as always, because Brock got people talking like Punk did last year, and yet again, here he is. And ather than go the obvious route and build the feud soley around HHH resenting Brock for leaving and accusing him of not caring about the business, and have Brock use he rebutttal of HHH being threatened by him all those years ago. We get laywers! I love Paul E, but Scott is right, this isn't off to a good start. Someone once said to me, as if he was trying to sound mart, that HHH makes big money being in the main event, to which I replied, "yes, peple who main event pay per views always get the biggest payoff, that's how wrestling works in a buisness sense". He was silent. As for other things, maybe I am alone in this, but outside of the Extreme Rules match with Punk, Jericho seems somewhat unmotivated at times, methinks he should watch some old tapes, of HIMSELF! Now to Punk/Bryan, two guys I like, it will no doubt be a classic, its a match i want to see despite the lazy build for it on TV......which makes it all the moe sad that for the first time ever, i'm skipping a PPV, merely for the sake of not giving a crap. Now of course I'll still check the match out some other way, and yes there've been PPVs that looked a million times worse than this on paper, but I could enjoy mocking them with my friends, but aftr things looked so promising after Extreme Rules, its been a 180 degree turn the last couple of weeks. A lot of people ave been talking about the amazing article on wwe.com about Punk and Bryan's rivalry, anything on TV, say like a cool on air video package? Nope. It's weird for me that this is the first PPV im missing merely because I want too, the product has been worse in the past, but RAW and the buildup to this show have just left a sour taste in my mouth recently. Maybe I'm getting old.....who knows.
ReplyDeleteI must personally thank WWE for going out of their way to be completely horrible during the NHL/NBA playoffs. My kids haven't even noticed we haven't watched wrestling in 3 weeks (and I'll just steal the Bryan/Punk match and watch it when they're asleep).
ReplyDeleteKinda seems like a missed opportunity to push Punk and Bryan as legitimate main eventers.
ReplyDeleteLaurinaitis vs Cena isn't exactly a dream match. I wish the WWE would have made Punk vs Bryan the focus of the promotion, at least for the month. If they had a long segment to close RAW tonight and main evented the PPV Sunday it would lend credibility to Punk, Bryan, and the WWE title.
Big show vs Cena is a feud I defiantly have no interest in seeing again. I said it before about A-Train, but if Cena beat Brock Lesnar, than how is Big Show a threat to him?
Borga with the smallpox driver! 1...2....3...!!
ReplyDeleteBischoff on trial is a guilty pleasure for me.
ReplyDelete"Why does HHH get to say “Randy Savage” and no one else can?"
ReplyDeleteCody has been name-dropping Randy Savage in his promos for the last 6 months. And Jerry Lawler mentioned Savage by name a few times late last year. Whatever rule was in place regarding Savage was obviously dropped once he passed away.
I thought the Bruno Sammartino mention was a lot more surprising.
Vince only changes GOOD (or logical) storylines that get out. The shitty ones? He goes down with the ship on those.
ReplyDeleteBy that spurious logic, he's not so much as changing the font on this one.
That Cena promo at the end was 100% the reason why he's hated by the majority of the audience, and among a handful of reasons why nobody in the mainstream could possibly ever take this shit seriously. That was an all-time insufferable promo, such that I would be rooting for John Cena to get torn to fucking shreds if it didn't suddenly mean that Johnny Ace achieved what Brock Lesnar couldn't (and also that we'd likely be in for yet ANOTHER John Cena vs. Big Show program, as if anyone could possibly give a simpering shit about THAT).
ReplyDeleteAlthough seeing Johnny Ace corpsing was fairly amusing.
SEND FOR THE MAN!
Mad props for the Send for the Man reference, here's hoping the clip makes it into a future BM.
ReplyDeleteOuch, bad show. Glad I skipped it, but I'll probably catch up on the tag match.
ReplyDeleteGiven how some people on the blog were all 'see how it plays out' regarding Lesnar's loss to Cena. Will anyone dare to defend Big Johnny Ace going over, if he does, on Sunday?
Still, with enough time, the WHC and WWE title matches should be ****+ and the tag titles match has an outside chance of being good-to-great, so I'm choosing to ignore the overwhelming stench of the negative and concentrating on the possibilty of snowflakes. Huzzah.
The TLC before that was the last time that the tag titles main evented a PPV. It may have been even longer than that when the WHC last main evented...
ReplyDeleteSince everyone and Brodus Clay's momma is already predicting a Brock Lesnar/Big Show run in for the Super John/Big Johnny match, I'll think outside the box and say that interference actually comes from the Miz, who actually does get fired. Hopefully the WWE Universe will have already forgotten that he was just fired a little over six months ago. I know I have.
ReplyDeleteYeah, Rock mentioned him in one of his pre-taped promos a couple months back as well. Plus Punk had those Savage-inspired tights last year following his death.
ReplyDeleteIrrational HHH-hate is so 2004.
Thing is, the Miz is forever doing international press for WWE. I don't know if that's considered a punishment, but they clearly trust him to represent the company worldwide, and I have to concede that whenever I've seen him he does a fine job, so I'm not sure what benefit there is in firing him. However, it is hard to reconcile that with the fact that he's been continually buried since Survivor Series (save the Mania victory).
ReplyDeleteShould have been more clear...I mean "firing" in the storyline sense, so he has time to go shoot The Marine movie.
ReplyDeleteBruno was really surprising. But it's probably just Triple H leeching off of Bruno's heat.
ReplyDeleteTo impress a chick, helicopter dick!
ReplyDeleteSorry, but the current gayest feud is Orton/Sheamus, is it just me or does it seem that Orton is feuding with Sheamus because he can't deal with his feelings in a mature manner and instead responses with anger and violence.
"I love the guy every bit as much as I hate him."
ReplyDeletethis perfectly sums up how I (and I guess many, many other people on this blog) feel about Trips.
I find myself defending WWE more and more around here (especially during the Rock/Cena build) but even I can't defend this episode. Nothing horrible, just really... really... boring.... really. I think I got through the whole thing in like 30 minutes with all the fast forwarding I was doing.
ReplyDeleteI'm a Big Johnny mark but the guy has been way overexposed the last few weeks. Plus I hate how they've turned him into the generic heel authority figure who calls the fans losers and likes all the heels for no reason.
The only thing going on right now that interests me is where they're going with AJ. The girl plays her role brilliantly and I hope she doesn't wind down her storyline and get turned into generic Diva #2528.
And I may be a HHH apologist, but I'll never be a Cena apologist so I take great pleasure in pointing out how lame and forced his promo was tonight. And for those of you telling us to get over "JBL is poopy" cause it was almost 4 years ago, don't worry, we'll start referencing the "Loser" promo instead. And if you've got a problem with that, I've got 3 words for ya: Go Puck Yourself.
The NHL playoffs have been dogshit this year (worst in 10 years IMO), and Round 1 NBA had nothing outside of Grizz/Clippers (although it should be getting good now). This has been a weak Spring so far. Almost weak enough to make a man want to step outside. Almost.
ReplyDeleteWouldn't it better to be able to say "look at how many people *pay* to watch our shows, we'll move these onto the network!" I don't see the logic in what you wrote.
ReplyDeleteIt would make more sense if the McMahon's want to take the company private again and are tanking the shareprice.
Some Russo subtly...
ReplyDeletenah Ferrara probably thought of it...
Ah, okay. He's doing the Marine? Weird.
ReplyDeleteYeah...they've really lowered their cardio standards in recent years.
ReplyDeleteThis was actually the show where they lost me with AJ. Up until now she had her undying love and devotion to Daniel Bryan, no matter what. I was really looking forward to seeing her keep trying to get back in his good graces against all odds.
ReplyDeleteNow that's gone, and she's just become random psycho chick.
Ah...you've made me long for the days of HHH vs Chris Jericho vs Stephanie McMahon 3-way for the WWF title.
ReplyDeleteHey Bill, will you tell us the story about the girl you've been chasing for months? Like, the build up, and how the date went. I absolutely love stories like that, and I'd love to hear it, if you don't mind.
ReplyDeleteMr 1,000,000 loves your comment.
ReplyDeleteI know this phrase has become kind of a punchline around here but...ahem... let's see where this is going. I read it as 50/50 as to whether she was being genuine (or growing an attachment to Punk) versus it being a ploy to help D-Bry (who wants nothing to do with her). It feels like they're going for a Harley Quinn/Joker vibe for the 2 of them (that's right, I can make a comic book reference too!).
ReplyDeleteI like Orton vs Sheamus. I thought Scott nailed it last week when he praised the way Orton confronted Sheamus and said he was coming after his title. Made the belt feel important for the 1st time in a while.
ReplyDeleteI don't like it either way. Whether she's putting the moves on Punk, or scheming on behalf of Bryan, it's completely different than any way her character has been portrayed up to this point.
ReplyDeleteI don't know, that Lakers/Nuggets was really good. And I agree about the NHL Playoffs, no point in watching I already have the Rangers penciled in for the Stanley Cup, who they'll play no idea(I deep down hope it's not the Kings).
ReplyDeleteNope your not the only one, this PPV has the makings of a "Worst PPV of the Year" candidate, I'm strongly considering just tuning in to watch Punk/Bryan and that's all.
ReplyDeletethat would be awesome with those two wheeled skateboards the kids use now.
ReplyDeletePretty sure it would be showing a lot of devotion to help Bryan screw Punk out of the title.
ReplyDelete"Except for when he lost to Frank Mir in his debut and then came back to win the heavyweight title from the greatest fighter of all time." When did Brock beat Anderson Silva?
ReplyDelete"And then was forced into retirement by a horrible intestinal disease" most likely caused by steriod abuse.
they were in pittsburgh. hence bruno.
ReplyDeleteYeah I'm a nerd. Tatanka lost and was stretchered out after losing to Borga on wwf susperstars in early november 93 :)
ReplyDeletei think she is doing it without bryans knowledge. i like it.
ReplyDeleteI really wish they tried to run this garbage in Chicago or NY or Boston, just to see the crowd shit all over it. This had to have been one of the worst Raws in recent memory.
ReplyDeleteYeah but it would still be getting a reaction. WWE will not change anything about Cena as long as people still react to him, doesn't matter if it's boos or cheers. The adult crowd who thinks they're being clever by booing is actually doing more harm than good.
ReplyDeleteEh, it was cool to see the Nuggets come back in the series, but at no point did I really think LA was in danger of being bounced. It felt more like they took Denver lightly, let them back in, then started trying again to close them out.
ReplyDeleteIn conclusion: Fuck Kobe.
AJ hasn't been the "scheming" type. She has always been up front with everything.
ReplyDeleteTHIS! ^^
ReplyDeleteTo win Bryan back, AJ must turn heel and scheme.
ReplyDeleteOf course, Im sure the entire thought process by WWE creative was "uhh we need to kill 2 minutes here before the next Johnny Ace segment"
HA! Shows what you know, I live in the attic!
ReplyDeleteOh I was referring to the show as a whole, not just the Cena segment. Thankfully, I gave up on Raw by 10:30 and went to bed before the ending segments. Pretty sure I made the right call there.
ReplyDeleteThe idea would be that you have a proxy for the heat and then after the proxy gets beat the heat machine gets their comeuppance.
ReplyDeleteGoddamn does the WWE piss me off. I was throwing mobey at my tv when I found out we were getting Punk-Bryan and actually thought it was 75-25 that they'd main event. But no, instead of getting to watch Punk and Bryan best in the worlding I have to watch Cena do an almost twenty year old comedy bit (that wasn't bloody funny the first time) and then Johnny Ace trying to resurrect Macho man by corpsing (send for the man!).
ReplyDeleteThe Big Johnny-Cena feud isn't a terrible idea (even if it involves Flamderizing one of the most interesting heels in a while) but as the focal point of the show? When you have the two best pro wrestlers in the world (and damn fine mic talents) just SITTING THERE? Fuck you, WWE. You're not getting my money this time.
I agree with everyone that it seems to be leading toward Big Show
ReplyDeleteinterfering and getting his job back, since he's technically not a Superstar
(after being fired).
But I had another thought that makes me ill. What are the chances that Eve is
the one who interferes to get back at Cena for the way he treated her before?
She's a Diva, not a "Superstar," right? Or do they not make that kind
of distinction?
Don't get me wrong...I don't WANT that to happen, and I don't think it's what
they'll do. It would also assume some sort of storyline continuity, which I
don't expect. But it hit me that it's a way they could go. And if they do, I
think I might need a break from this stuff for a while.
What pisses me off is they spend 5 minutes on entrances or people talking, then when the action fucking starts, they take a break! Make the ads during the netrances and boring talkie things, and then put them on WWE.com for us to check out if we want to. There, more traffic for your fledgling website, Vince.
ReplyDeleteOf course, WWE will probably do the opposite and start putting matches online instead, and RAW will be all talk all the time.
They also do that shit on Impact all the time, and it's fucking annoying from a company called Total Non-Stop Action.
ReplyDeleteI think she's still devoted to Bryan, but now that Bryan has announced his intentions to hook up with
ReplyDeleteKaitlyn, AJ is just 'playing the game' and
trying to get close with Bryan's arch-rival to make Bryan jealous.
Long time blog reader, mostly a lurker. It's rare that The E ever moves me enough to comment one way or the other, but last night's show is a good microcosm of why my fandom of 25+ years is waning.
ReplyDeleteI concur, He would be great if he could swallow his damn ego
ReplyDeleteWWE is going through their typical May, spinning their wheels deal, until the summer when I assume Brock comes back and things kick into high gear.
ReplyDeletePretty blah show.
Once again I 100% agree with what you have posted.
ReplyDeleteAt least Eve interfering makes sense on some level and shows some level of continuity (although on a really delayed basis) so I could understand it, but yeah, I've been on the boat of trying to let some of this stuff play out because I want to enjoy it, but even I broke a little last night.
ReplyDeleteBingo, I think this discussion thread has probably discusses this situation more than the writers.
ReplyDeleteFWIW, I think she's trying to scheme Punk, and Punk (shockingly for a face) actually isn't falling for it.
It seems we don't agree on sports, Kobe is my favorite player.
ReplyDeleteAlso, did you not see Caps/Bruins or Caps/Rangers? Pretty exciting stuff.
I wish that some sarcastic rich guy got a ticket facing the hard camera for every show and would bring a big whiteboard and write what everyone is thinking throughout the show. A sign saying "Its lucky nobody was fired or quit this month" when the no interference rule was made might actually have made them change their mind on the obvious result.
ReplyDeleteIs there a reason as to why they are turning the Big Show into the bigest pussy in the company?
ReplyDeleteI think this is more Savage conspiracy theorists. Savage is quite frequently mentioned when it makes sense to mention him. And he constantly appears in old school videos and retrospectives in WWE magazine and on WWE.com.
ReplyDeleteIt was even worse last week when Punk openly stated that his match would happen before Cena/Ace. He even said, "after my match I'm going to sit back and watch John Cena kick your ass" or whatever it was.
ReplyDeleteThey read that one guy's email on here from last week and agreed that Show had been protected way too much.
ReplyDeleteExcept that nobody has found a correlation between diverticulitis and anabolic steroids. You'll have to hitch your over-the-top Brock hatred onto another wagon.
ReplyDeleteYou damn well know that that wouldn't last 5 minutes before WWE has arena security take away the whiteboard.
ReplyDeleteJust stop. I know you're the resident contrarian when it comes to HHH, but save for his intriguing angle with the Undertaker, he's been awful for the past year. Nobody was clamoring for HHH-Brock and nobody was clamoring for HHH-CM Punk. He sucked up all of CM Punk's heat and this stuff with Lesnar has devolved into whining about contracts and lawsuits.
ReplyDeleteHe has no business being on-screen anymore. And that's not irrational hatred; it's just a fact.
It'll be Los Angeles. They are a beast.
ReplyDeleteNooo! It's so interesting watching him bury Lesnar and denigrate all of his accomplishments!
ReplyDelete"I feel like Vince won't change this one, only because they're semi limited in what they can actually do and have it make ANY sense."
ReplyDeleteJust remember that Kevin Nash apparently sent himself the text message.
Not that I even agreed with that email in the first place, but this would certainly not be the best way to tone that down.
ReplyDeleteShow should be protected, honestly. He's a potentially valuable commodity. Destroying him MADE Mark Henry last year during his run, precisely because nobody else could do it.
For the last three years, May has been an abysmally bad month for WWE.
ReplyDeleteThere's one thing (well, more than one) that bothers me: Why exactly do the Board of Directors care if Johnny Ace wins? And why is it tied to the security of his job? It's not as if winning makes his actions any more or less justifiable.
ReplyDelete"Except for when he lost to Frank Mir in his debut and then came back to
ReplyDeletewin the heavyweight title from the greatest fighter of all time."
Someone else beat me to it, but I wasn't aware Anderson Silva moved up to heavyweight and fought Brock.
The only way this Cena/Ace/Show angle could redeem itself is if Johnny grabs the mic during his match and screams "Send for the man!" to cue Big Show's run-in.
ReplyDeleteThis Lesnar/HHH angle is just awful and the Heyman stuff isn't working at all, although no fault of his.
ReplyDeleteI do think you short-changed Orton-Jericho. It was super energetic while it lasted.
ReplyDeleteExactly. There is no evidence that Brock feuding with HHH will result in more PPV buys at Summerslam or whichever PPV they decide to have the match than if Lesnar wrestled an active performer like Punk or even Randy Orton. So it's just a waste of Brock.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I'd rather Brock wrestled Punk. Brock could cut intimidating promos about how Punk looks like a skinny wimp while Punk could retaliate with his golden mic skills. A great David and Goliath story if they do a nice build for it.
I would actually argue it was destroying Orton, when Orton was still in "SuperCena" mode (since the Henry beating he hasn't been) that made Henry. Big Show may have helped but I think Orton (plus Henry's own work) did a lot more.
ReplyDeleteSo glad that this is one of the PPVs bundled with the sports package in the UK...
ReplyDeleteYou did.
ReplyDeleteNot only will this PPV get no buys, but those in power will blame it on CM Punk and Daniel Bryan.
ReplyDeleteThat's fair.
ReplyDeleteAnd to me it's made even worse by the new "stipulations". Before, I at least thought "Okay, it'll be the main event but at least it'll be a big clusterfuck with the potential to be entertaining, tons of bells and whistles". Now we're left with one of two things...the main event is Johnny Ace in 2012 wrestling a straight up wrestling match for probably 15 minutes (doubt they have a quickie 5 minute main event) until the eventual interference which will happen at the end, or the main event is Punk/Bryan, a feud they buried in Segment 2 with no fanfare, with those two being blamed when the show does a terrible buyrate.
ReplyDeletethank god for p2p4u.net
ReplyDeleteFair point.
ReplyDeleteI found it odd that Big Johnny actually found any of Cena's material funny.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't say he has no business being on screen. He still delivers a better promo (regardless of the material) than most of the roster, and can still wrestle well.
ReplyDeleteIt's like the WWE is trying an experiment to figure out what their bare minimum is for a PPV buyrate.
ReplyDeleteForget about buying it....doubt I'd watch this show (outside of Punk/Bryan) if it was on USA.
I thought Heyman was great in that segment. Crappy storyline or not, let's hope he sticks around.
ReplyDeleteI cannot believe or forgive that they didn't add any spice to the Bryan/Punk feud. It's as though they want this PPV to get no buys so that (as someone has mentioned) they can blame it on the two of them.
I really don't understand sometimes
What? The Rangers have been going 7 games each round and OKC is the funnest team to watch since the last run of the Pistons.
ReplyDeleteAnything beats uh...whatever they've been doing on Raw the last three weeks.
Honestly I'm glad Punk/Bryan wasn't the main focus of the PPV. Over the Limit is going to bomb hard and I don't want them to be anywhere near when the blame gets handed out.
ReplyDelete*Thread Jack*
ReplyDeleteHow bout the New York Rangers Baby!
Nah, probably forced to chuckle like Cole and King per Vince's orders. No one over the age of 10 can possibly be sane and fine Cena's promo the least bit funny.
ReplyDeleteKane's chokeslam was the worst I've ever seen. It almost looked like a Russian Hammer.
ReplyDeleteWell one of those hacker groups should takeover the Titantron and do it.
ReplyDeleteYes. Kinda like how Bobby Heenan was the most over heel in the WWF for a long time. They could take anybody and throw them in his stable and suddenly they're big time heels.
ReplyDelete....so that I can turn it into an article for the blog.
ReplyDeleteWow, thank god I missed it last night. Sounds like one of the worst shows they ever had. Monster Brock is now suing and fighting legal battles. Christ what a dumbshit company.
ReplyDeleteBut Heenan got heat and was a pro about making sure it was directed at his guys to make them the stars. Who is Johnny L getting over? Big Show? Tensei? EVE? He's getting every drop of heat on himself with no one to truly pay it off. And adding Show is not the answer, it hasn't been for a decade + now.
ReplyDeleteAnd yet, when the Rock was getting booed, the WWE decided to have him become Hollywood Rock.
ReplyDeleteMy logic, warped as it is, is he could say to potential investors "Hey, the economy is bad, we have millions of fans, but so few can afford to order evry show, but if we have The Network, with big events, think of the ratings, then advertising and sponser dollars will roll in". I guess my point being that we know Vince can see bad situations and has a way of spinning things to his benefit, so he"could" look at the falling buyrates of the last year and say" how can I use it to my advantage".
ReplyDelete"No. All heat must either directly or indirectly be from me. Everyone else however, can have all the blame." - HHH
ReplyDeleteOr that the Anonymous Gm went back to sending out Refinance Your Home spam and just quit doing his job.
ReplyDeleteYou would think they'd made a great tag team since Borga's intro videos had him railing against Americans polluting the environment and how wasteful and useless we are....They could have had Tatanka watch one on a monitor, and a single tear run down his cheek. (Man, I'm old to remember that commercial)
ReplyDeleteI was pretty surprised to not see Scott mention that, yeah. It was awful.
ReplyDeleteI would actually love that last scenario. Frees up my Monday nights for other things.
ReplyDeleteThrowing mobey? Should I be calling the ASPCA or DCFS?
ReplyDelete...couldn't help it.
I found myself giggling, but I literally cannot not laugh at someone getting interrupted over and over again. Every damn time.
ReplyDeleteNah, it's fair. It was a combination of fat fingers and an iPhone.
ReplyDeleteBingo. It's why heel managers can be so effective.
ReplyDeleteCena = t-shirt money and that's far more important than improving a stagnant product.
ReplyDeleteA long time ago, Bret Hart famously said that if the US was to get an enema, the place they would stick it would be in Pittsburgh.
ReplyDeleteWith John Cena's performance last night, it sounds like the city finally got that enema.
Poopy.
It's not like Cena's the only one selling T-Shirts. I see plenty of Punk shirts out there as well.
ReplyDeleteYeah, that's probably too harsh. Maybe it should be "he has no business being on screen more than once a year." He already used up his feud.
ReplyDeleteOne of my biggest issues is that HHH simply isn't seen as some huge star who Lesnar just *has* to fight. Maybe that's just my perception, but I don't think a PPV with HHH-Lesnar is going to get any buzz and I don't think it'll result in a higher buyrate. Maybe that will be seen as irrational HHH hatred, but considering wrestling bottomed out with him on top, I think most fans would agree.
Guess that makes you insane. :-)
ReplyDeleteDolph, please stop trying to kill yourself on every bump. Every time he splats himself on the simplest move, I think of Scott Keith's Benoit-match rants where he would plead Chris to retire the flying headbutt post-surgery.
ReplyDeleteBe careful what you wish for. When you ask for "spice," you get two guys fighting over alcohol instead of showing that they're the best in the world.
ReplyDeleteI'm shocked that Scott didn't bring up Kane's "Chokeslam" on Big Show. It looked more like Show slipped on a banana peel than anything. I remember Scott reviewing Judgment Day 2002 and said Undertaker's Chokeslam on Hogan was the first Chokeslam below sea level. Well, here's #2
ReplyDeleteTotally. Mark even kicked out of the RKO!
ReplyDeleteI've been called worse!
ReplyDeleteIt almost looked like he wasn't ready to take the "choke" part and just fell backwards.
ReplyDeleteSpiced rum?
ReplyDeletePlease don't link to those sort of places here.
ReplyDeletePlease don't link to those sort of places here.
ReplyDeleteEvery time I hear that, it makes me think it's somehow worse that me & my family live in my father-in-law's house and make HIM sleep in the basement.
ReplyDeleteAlthough FWIW, it's not like Ace doesn't know how to wrestle.
I woke up out of a dead sleep last night when the realization hit me that Metta World Peace is Ron Artest. Somehow I'd missed that one. The Knicks are out so I'm done till next year.
ReplyDeleteOr GSP even. Couture won the heavyweight title when the champ was just a hair better than Kimbo Slice, I don't think he qualifies.
ReplyDeletesure it looks like a Show or Brock run in is the logical conclusion but the internet called it so
ReplyDeleteinstead Vince will have Animal interfere for his brother causing such a
touching reunion that Johnny Ace becomes Hawk Version 2.0 and this new
LOD will win the tag tittles the next night on raw, but immediately
following the win Kane will come out and kill both of them just to make
that everyone continues to not to give a sh*t about tag teams, oh yeah
then Kane will have sex Zack Ryder's mom on live TV, just to make sure
we all know he is still a loser. True Story
I am very sorry, wont happen again bud.
ReplyDeleteIt's probably time we, as good "wrestling fans", start turning this stuff off like we did with WCW. Todd Martin on the Observer put it best, Vince is to wrestling as Al Davis is to the Raiders a few years ago. Outdated, out of touch and obsessed with his own legacy.
ReplyDeleteThe Rangers are one of the worst "great" teams I've ever seen, if that makes sense. You'd never guess they were the #1 seed in the East. Hell, I look forward to watching the LA Kings blast them in the final.
ReplyDeleteRe: NHL playoffs, I'm just annoyed at how all the teams that play a fast paced, wide open style got bounced early this year and we're left with 3 defense-first teams and 1 'tweener' team (Devils). Look at what happened to the Caps, they used to be one of the most exciting teams in the league, now they give just as much ice time to their grinders as they do to Ovechkin!
ReplyDeleteAnd yeah, Game 7 Caps/Bruins was the highlight of the season for me, but I'm a bitter Canucks fan. We've had some good drama this year, but in a copycat league I worry about 20-25 teams adopting this boring style of play (block shots, dump n chase, etc).
And re: Kobe, Seinfeld taught me to never respect a man who gives himself a nickname.
Vince:big guys::Al Davis:guys with fast 40 times
ReplyDeleteReally? We are now comparing world kickboxing champion Maurice Smith, top-level wrestler Kevin Randleman and 2-time UFC heavyweight champion (who is also tied for the successful defence record) Tim Sylvia to Kimbo Slice? Couture might not be the greatest fighter ever, but he was pretty damn good and Brock beating him was a huge achievement.
ReplyDeleteYes! I love that idea.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you that JL isn't getting anyone over, but a heel non-wrestler can get people over as evidenced by Heenan/Jimmy Hart/Shelton Benjamin's Momma. Okay, one of those was a joke.
ReplyDeleteFull disclosure: I didn't watch all of last night's RAW (too busy watching my Rangers bitch slap the Devils!), but was just on Twitter (not TRENDING, sadly) and saw that WON posted a link to Triple HHElevatedTestosterone's opening promo. Somehow, it was much worse than I had expected - specifically, I stopped watching at "simpleton farm boy." I understand that none of us have direct access to the Mind of McMahon (TM), but it's becoming more & more apparent that he may indeed have signed Brock just to "teach him a lesson" and "put him in his place" and show us all (ALL, DAMMIT) that his WWE Superstars (TM) who reside exclusively in the WWE Universe (TM) are superior to this MMA loser - via scripted, predetermined matches, of course. Wish I had $5 million to dump in the toilet - and on that note, I will now go puck myself.
ReplyDeleteSorry for all the parenthesis, I've had a few.
By the way, I love how when Triple H mentions all the wrestlers that Brock "offended" with his legitimacy remarks, he doesn't mention Rock, Austin, or Foley.
ReplyDeleteThe Rock still sold merch as a heel.
ReplyDeleteWE'VE FOUND THE WWE'S TARGET AUDIENCE!!! CONGRATS ON BEING SATISFIED!!! WE ALL WISH WE COULD BE TOO!!!
ReplyDeleteOr the fact that he's over seven feet tall and 500 pounds and doesn't want to blow a knee out just trying to jump in the air.
ReplyDeleteYou know, if you say his name three times, he will appear and reply to your posts.
ReplyDeleteSo zero people are going to buy this PPV? That's hard to believe.
ReplyDeleteI would just like to comment on this Brock feud. I find it fabulous! Brock has been known to take his ball and run away when things don't go his way, so it makes sense for WWE to capitalize on that. It gives Brock and WWE a good dynamic so they can stretch out his appearances with the company. Dude is still the "I'm gonna fuck you up if I'm in the ring with you" guy, but he also has this whiny edge to him that makes him more than the two-dimensional character he's been for most of his career. Some of my favorite Brock moments were when he was either a whiny, yet volatile killer or he was a smarmy douche who danced around a sombrero. To have both of those Brock's together is great.
ReplyDeleteI will agree Cena's promo was idiotic.
I didn't say I was satisfied, I just said that that makes me chuckle no matter what. I thought the segment itself was terrible.
ReplyDelete...the elusive search for the WWE's target audience continues.
ReplyDeleteActually, I know where it is, its on the top floor of titan towers, in the biggest office...
You can hear the belly laughing all the way from NYC...
ReplyDelete