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The SmarK Rant for TNA Impact–12.27.12

The SmarK Rant for TNA Impact – 12.27.12

Wanted to give a quick review of Tales of Masked Men, a PBS documentary that I got on DVD last week focusing on lucha libre in Mexico. It’s a really refreshing look at wrestling, offering a beginner’s look at the sport for the first few minutes and explaining the traditions of the masks and rudos v. technicos, then branching into individual stories of stars like El Santo and Mascarita Sagrada. It offers a lot more of a personal look into the people than you’d normally get from a “isn’t wrestling so WACKY” documentary that we normally see, and it’s just so refreshingly respectful of the subject matter without veering into the usual “fake v. real” nonsense and all the other tired clichés of the wrestling documentary. Highly, highly recommended, even at only an hour long. Plus you finally get to see former WWE writer Dan Madigan, notable for pitching some of the craziest ideas ever and getting shot down.

Taped from Orlando, FL.

Your hosts are Todd Keneley, Mike Tenay & Taz

So yeah, it’s Open Fight Night yet again.

Bully Ray starts us out, and he’s calling out Hulk Hogan for a TALK. Well that kind of undermines the whole concept of the show right from the get-go. And instead of Hulk, we get Brooke, who informs Bully that her dad KNOWS. Bully: “How does he know?” I dunno, maybe he WATCHED THE SHOW? I fucking hate this stupid storyline so much. By the way, this was never mentioned or followed up on again for the rest of the night.

Austin Aries calls out Bobby Roode in retaliation for getting screwed out of the World title last week, but not until the main event. OK then.

Samoa Joe v. Some Masked Dude

I’m assuming it’s Mike Knox again. Joe’s promo accuses them of riding MOPEDS, so you know he’s pissed. Joe quickly gets the enzuigiri in the corner, but Knox comes back with a clothesline and chokes him out on the ropes. And then the chinlock, but Joe comes back with the running knee in the corner and big boot/senton. Kokina Klutch finishes at 2:53. Joe calls for the unmasking, but c’mon, it’s a taped show. And indeed the other Aces run out and chase him off. I mean, it’s only been six months, why would they rush through the angle by unmasking a third guy already? ½*

Meanwhile, Jesse and Robbie have the world’s stupidest showdown, setting up a match tonight. Over who the best bro is. Jesse continues to improve drastically by the week.

Robbie E v. Jesse

Apparently this is a Bro-Off, not a match. There are three rules, although Robbie only lists two of them. Robbie gives us some Jersey dancing and Jesse poses, but he fails to end his taunt with “bro” and thus loses by DQ. However, Robbie T also joins the posedown and then busts a move to win it and leave Jesse & Robbie E with their jaws agape. Even my wife was entertained by this, so that’s gotta be a thumbs up segment.

Rob Van Dam v. Christian York

Kenny King is miffed backstage at not getting called out. York quickly hits a dive and the neckbreaker for two, then dodges a charge and gets the double stomp for two. Rob reverses a headscissor attempt into a sideslam and then follows with the moonsault for two. Springboard kick and Rolling Thunder set up the frog splash to finish at 4:00. Are they EVER going to let York win a match? I really don’t get their booking sometimes. **

Meanwhile, Joseph Park continues his OVW training, as he relates the story of his great-grandfather Jebediah Park and his bare-knuckles fight with George Hackenschmidt. Danny Davis doesn’t feel Joe’s training is going as well as Joe thinks it is. Is this Joseph Park thing EVER going to pay off in any way? It’s been almost eight months now, it’d really be great if they came up with a point sometime.

Christopher Daniels v. “AJ Styles”

Styles turns out to be Kazarian in AJ’s gear, doing a really funny impression. This brings out the tag champs for some reason, which hopefully means they’re putting the belts back on Bad Influence at the next PPV, FINALLY.

Chavo Guerrero & Hernandez v. Christopher Daniels & Kazarian

Daniels gets dumped and Hernandez splashes Kazarian for two, and then Daniels gets pinballed in the corner. Hernandez with an overhead suplex and Chavo stomps him down in the corner. Hernandez with the Nash choke in the corner and Daniels begs off as we take a break at an odd point. Back with Hernandez getting a delayed suplex as the beating continues, and the heels get dumped. Finally he misses a shoulderblock and Bad Influence takes over. Slingshot combo gets two for Kazarian. They cut off the ring, but it’s hot tag Chavo and he gets the rolling suplexes on Kazarian for two. The heels come back with the Hart Attack for two, but Chavo dumps them and the champs hit stereo dives. Chavo slingshots in with the senton for two. Kaz misses the AJ flying forearm and Chavo finishes with the frog splash at 14:13. Chavo and Hernandez are WAY past their expiration date, and I don’t get why they’re going over in a non-title match unless this is just a “fuck it, no one’s watching anyway” deal. **1/2

Meanwhile, Ken Anderson meets with the Aces about possibly joining, and he’s gonna think about it. Gosh, I was just thinking about how much more awesome this angle would be if they’d only drag Mr. Anderson into it as well.

Gail Kim v. Miss Tessmacher

Tess gets a couple of quick pin attempts and slugs away in the corner, setting up the stinkface. Kim bails and catches her with a necksnap on the way back in to take over, and a backdrop suplex gets two. Tess blocks a rana and follows with a middle rope clothesline for two, but Kim hits a kick from her back and puts her down again. Atomic drop that I think was supposed to be Tessmacher reversing into a bulldog, but I think it got messed up in translation. Tessmacher comes back at any rate and does some rather PG-13 crotch rubbing in Gail’s face to set up an X-Factor for two. She goes up and misses a flying elbow, and Gail finishes with Eat Defeat at 5:23. Just a meaningless match between two people with nothing else going on, and it really dragged as result. *1/2

Bobby Roode v. Austin Aries

Both guys offer a handshake and then both try to turn on each other at the same time, which earned a laugh from me. Aries claims a leg injury and calls time, so Roode kicks him in the knee and Aries boots him out of the ring and does some dancing to show how smart he is. And we take a break. Back with Roode getting a suplex but missing a kneedrop, and Aries misses his elbow. They fight on the top and exchange cheapshots until Roode goes down first, but Aries misses his dropkick. Roode tries the spear and gets countered into the Last Chancery, which Roode breaks by raking the nose. Ouch. Roode then takes him down with the crossface, so Aries also goes to the nose to break. They slug it out in the corner and Roode calls time now and then gets the cheap pinfall attempt in the corner for two. Aries gets a rollup with a massive handful of tights for two. Roode with a spinebuster for two and he grabs a chair, but Aries hits him with a spinning forearm for two. So now Aries gets the chair and Hebner has had enough of their crap and lays down the law to both guys, resulting in Aries & Roode teaming up to beat up the ref. With that settled, they fight over the chair, but Jeff Hardy sneaks in and attacks both guys for the Sportz Entertainment Finish at 14:00 or so. This was fun until the non-finish, although the Impact Zone was COMATOSE for the whole thing. **1/2

The Pulse

Hopefully the return to live next week will give the show a much-needed burst of adrenaline. It just feels like their momentum has stalled so dramatically since Bound for Glory.

Comments

  1. Frankie working the entire match in his AJ gear had me cheesing out. Bad Influence is the highlight of TNA right now.

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  2. I highly enjoyed the Roode/Aries match(I might of had more fun with than the previous matches), the fact that they were both cunning heels who would do anything to get the win was very entertaining and almost makes me wish they would of kept Aries heel during their original feud.

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  3. Nobody cares about anything Mr.Anderson does, so I don't see whether or not he joins or fights against Aces and 8's should matter. They think people care, but they don't. He's one guy I think the wrestling business is about done with. He didn't do a Christian and go to TNA to prove what he could do, he pretty much bombed there to. WWE should hire him back as a jobber to the stars since he has enough of a name to mean a little bit.


    I read an interview with Devon months ago where he talked about getting into the best shape of his career, and he said his motivation was to be able to go with Kurt Angle. I was thinking that was sort of lame, there's no way Devon will ever be put in a serious match with Kurt Angle. If only I knew.



    There's a lot about TNA I do like - mostly the talent, and when they have matches because winning and losing matches matters - but Ace's and 8's and Hogan/Bully are brutal.

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  4. I don't know the rate Kurt is falling apart I'm sure he and Devon will meet in the middle at some point.

    It really does bother me that Bully was on his way to being something but now he's suddenly being used to get attention for a woman that contributes less to TNA then even Lacey Von Erich ever did.

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  5. What did AJ Styles say when he was gearing up for Christmas shopping?

    GET READY TO BUY! I AM, I AM!

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  6. Yeah, i was really entertained by both men trying to out heel the other. Made me miss the days of the Benoit/ Angle...uh, angles.

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  7. Frankie trying to do the glove pose had me cracking up. He and Daniels are to TNA what Team Hell No is to WWE, a tag team stealing the show every time they get the chance

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  8. How many return videos is Sting going to have? Isn't this like his 5th one?

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  9. Scott.. You killed Emilio Charles Jr.. I hope you are satisfied!

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  10. I also really enjoyed that match. Roode and Aries are both selfish heels who only care about the World Title, so despite their similar characters, they are still logical enemies. I think TNA should go with a #1 contender Cage match at Genesis as part of the Road to Lockdown (apparently every TNA event from next week until Lockdown in March has a cage match). TNA canceled the February PPV and they have confirmed a cage match at every "Road to Lockdown" show in the UK and one for next week.

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  11. Mr. Anderson makes the group better and he hasn't done anything interesting in 2 years. I'm sure The Pope will be in the group as soon as his injury heals. If they've got to keep this group going, I say bring in Anderson, Pope and The Founder as soon as possible. That way, it'll suck less because Reverend Devon, Luke Gallows and Mike Knox make an awful main event heel faction.

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  12. Picking nits, but does anyone else find it weird they have a "Road to Lockdown" but not a "Road to BFG". I'm use to WWE's "Road to WM", that I'm accustomed to a Road to whatever for it being a huge PPV.

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  13. I agree with this. I rather see Pope and Anderson in the group instead of Garrett Bischoff and Wes Brisco.

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  14. They do have the Bound for Glory series.

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  15. I think the point with Joseph Park is that's just his new character. Everyone knows it's Abyss, and there is no payoff, this is just who he's playing full time now. They were probably building to something, but he's so good in the character they've decided to just keep him as Joe Park.

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  16. They should make a return vignette for one his return vignette's "In 3 weeks on Impact... the vignette telling us when Sting will return to TNA... RETURNS TO TNA!"

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  17. The best way to understand TNA booking is to realize that Dixie Carter is a mark for big names. RVD beats York because he's a name, Hardy is champ because he's a name. Sting is treated like the greatest thing ever...you got it...name.


    What pisses me off is that there are so many good acts in TNA right now. Roode, Aries, Park, and Bad Influence are fantastic. Yet we are stuck with Devon, Baby Head, and a bunch of WWE jobbers getting huge chunks of TV time.


    I've done a 180 on Bully. He SUCKS now. The angle is part of it, but his attitude is completely different.


    Anderson being courted by Aces is because he's a NAME and has to have something to do, but he sucks so bad nobody wants him near a belt.

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  18. PS. Jeff Hardy can kiss my ass in HELL.

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  19. I have no problems with Christian York jobbing. He waited so long to finally make it somewhere, wins gutcheck, now finds out how difficult it is to earn his first win in TNA.

    You can make a good storyline out of that.

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  20. Don't forget D-Lo Brown. I'm dying to see that D-Lo/Al Snow feud that you know will happen once they do the inevitable reveal. That feud will totally get TNA out of debt, LOL.

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  21. Caliber_Winfield_69420BoobiesDecember 28, 2012 at 11:58 AM

    I agree. Bully as a cowardly heel was SO much more entertaining.



    Kenny King is kind of funny, his whole deal with RVD and that tag-match last week was entertaining.



    Man, Brooke Hogan on TV is just TERRIBLE. I think it's great that she owns Homer's original protoyple for his make-up gun, but she's so fucking bland. She needs to be heel if anyone is gonna give a damn. Her being a spoiled little brat who feels she's invincible because of who her dad is would be a billion times more entertaining.

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  22. But that has always been the business model for TNA. That has been there belief since they were in existence. They are always to going to favor the big name over unproven talent. You have to take the big name and treat them like the bigger deal.


    Is the right thing to do? No, But's that how it is.


    Some of the guys you mentioned: Roode, Bad Influence, and Aries. Those guys have not been looked over or passed up for a name.


    Robert Roode had a lengthy run as champion from October 2011 until losing it to Austin Aries in Destination X.


    Austin Aries had a run with the title for a couple of months until losing it to Hardy at BFG 2012.


    Bad Influence have beeen consistent performers for TNA and are always on the the TV show of ppv's.


    None of those guys have been mistreated. They all have had their run as champion.

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  23. I agree that aries and roode and cd/kaz are the best part of tna but how many better babyfaces than hardy do they have? He's putting on incredible matches as champ, like it or not he's one of the best at getting babyface heat in the ring. I get that he showed up fucked up to a tna ppv a couple years ago but this guy is phenomenal in the ring and connects with the fans.

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  24. I meant to post that at the top but I got caught up reading scottyflamingos post and put it in the wrong spot.

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  25. He's one of the best babyface workers in the world though. Gimmick is...not my cup of tea, but the dude can go so why not give him the belt. I wanted aries to win at bfg too but hardy is on a roll.

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  26. Bully has always been better as a heel. As a face he is generic and pandering.

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  27. I really thought Devon was talking about AJ last week, since AJ went all "I'm done with TNA's bullshit." Mr. Anderson was a bit of a letdown.

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  28. Here's the thing with Bully, his gimmick isn't really that clever and he's awful in the ring.

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  29. Is his gimmick supposed to be clever? And while he isn't the greatest worker in the world, he is far from awful.

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  30. True, but Aries was working fine as champ and had to force a heel turn to put over Hardy. It has worked out ok, but still.


    And Bad Influence should have never lost the belts, but since Dixie just dumped money on Chavo, she has to justify his paycheck.

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  31. Maybe, but I don't think she has the chops to pull it off.

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  32. Yes, Hardy is getting great reactions...in the Impact Zone. He was getting crapped all over at BFG by the fans, and it wouldn't surprise me if it happens again when they get out of Orlando. Those fans are horrible and only care about Hogan and Hardy.

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  33. My issue is time. They desperately need another show to showcase talent and they won't do it.


    Get Xplosion on U.S. TV, separate some of these people from Impact and that horrid Aces and Eights angle to see what they can REALLY do.

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  34. Clever? No, that's probably the wrong word, but the whole Bully thing was supposed to be that so stupid it's enjoyable fun, right? Unless we were supposed to take a guy calling himself Bully Ray seriously...

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  35. When he first turned, he was serious. But as he started to turn tweener/face he morphed into Mick Foley lite.

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  36. He may have tried to come across as serious, but I couldn't go with it. He was always too ridiculous.

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  37. Not sure how much TNA you watch, wouldn't blame you if you didn't watch at all, but as hard as it is to believe, in 2012, Bubba Ray Dudley was far from awful. Seriously.

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  38. I stopped watching the product after Roode lost to Angle at BFG to a roll-up (that whole scenario still pisses me off). That was around the the solo-act Ray thing started taking off, and I thought his matches sucked and his promos were stupid, it's possible he's gotten better, but I've been extraordinarily bitter towards TNA for like a couple years now.

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