WCW Uncensored 98 (Original Shitty Version)

(2013 Scott sez:  Ah, what the hell.  Let’s continue through the fascinating trainwreck that is 1998 WCW.) 

The Netcop Rant for WCW Uncensored 1998.

- Live from Mobile Alabama.

- Your hosts are Huey, Dewey and Louie.

- I'm working without my notes tonight because my copy of the show was too fucked up to watch again. If anyone has an EX quality copy, preferably off a satellite dish, I'd like to acquire it. I have ECW out the wazoo to trade for it, along with other stuff. I need a better copy of Superbrawl VIII as well. So this'll be an abbreviated version.   (Having an anal retentive ECW mutant roommate meant that as much as I disliked the promotion, I always had TONS of trade-bait for stuff I actually wanted to watch.) 

- Opening match: Booker T v. Eddy Guerrero (w/ Chavo Jr.).

And this is Job #1 for the Holy Trinity. I actually prefer Booker going over to Eddy winning the title, but really everyone expected Eddy to win this thing and now he's getting demoted back to feuding with his nephew, it looks like. (Yup.)  The match itself is pretty good, but they never really seem to mesh to the godlike levels that I know Eddy can achieve. Still, Booker wins a good match, and I'm happy so far.

- Gonnad v. Juventud Guerrera.

And a-downhill we go.

This is just awful for both guys, although Gonnad sucks hard to begin with. At one point Gonnad is trying a new variation on the Boston Crab where he lifts Juvy off the ground and holds onto his hands, but he drops him right on his head and bends his neck in an ugly fashion. Sloppy, very sloppy, and Juvy is hurt as he has to roll out of the ring and walk it off for a couple of minutes before continuing. Gonnad spends much of the match yelling "arriba la raza" and generally trying to get the crowd to give a shit. (Much like most of his WCW career.)  Finally Juvy reverses a sloppy cover into a cradle for the pin. After the match, Gonnad beats the hell out of him, starting a trend that would continue throughout the night.

- Chris Jericho v. Dean Malenko (Cruiserweight title).

Job #2 for the Holy Trinity. This was not a great match by any means. Lots of slow points and Jericho just doesn't do it for me, no matter how great Herb Kunze thinks he is. (Of course I came around to Herb’s way of thinking soon after.)  Still, it was the second-best match on the card and we're 2/3 so far, so I'm still reasonably happy. (I was a pretty grumpy guy in general back then.)  Jericho wins with the Liontamer cleanly, and then Mean Gene comes in and verbally berates Malenko, crediting him with losses at two PPVs he wasn't even at, before Malenko says he's going "home." Whatever that means.  (IT MEANS HE GETS RESULTS, YOU STUPID CHIEF!  But random Simpsons quotes aside, it was kind of an odd setup for an awesome payoff at Slamboree.) 

- Lex Luger v. Scott Steiner.

Well, at least it was clean. Sort of. (Has anyone ever accused either guy of being clean?)  Lex and Scott go out and do their usual crapola before Rick comes down to interfere, allowing Lex to hit Scott from behind with the BIG FOREARM OF DEATH for the pin. This of course is counter-intuitive to Scott's push, but logic has never entered in WCW's booking before. (Given we were just coming off Steiner’s big heel turn, this was definitely a weird result.)  The usual brawl with Rick & Lex v. Scott & Scott breaks out afterwards. Terrible match.

- Chris Benoit v. DDP v. Raven (US title match):

Subtract Benoit and this sucked shit. Chris carries the entire match, which liberally steals spots from ECW in several places, including a stop sign disguised by a sign saying "USE THIS SIGN". I suppose everyone will gush about how "hardcore" this was, but it was pretty weak brawling.  (I bet people will also make “air quotes” while gushing about the match.  Damn hipsters.) It also gets converted to "falls count anywhere" along the way, just for fun. (See what I mean?) Finish comes as Benoit gets tossed out of the ring, and DDP Diamond-Cuts Raven off the top rope onto a table. It sounds better than it came off. Benoit was the only one using any psychology here (hitting DDP in the ribs -- what a concept!) and Raven did his usual spots. Nothing special at all. And Benoit jobs again, by proxy. Job #3 for the Holy Trinity, making them 0/3 in title matches and I guess showing that Bischoff is putting them in their place or something. I dunno, they tried combining a garbage match and a three-way match, and they can't really do either right to begin with.

- The Giant v. Kevin Nash.

And now we're into the main events and the real bullshit begins. The powerbomb has been reinstated for tonight only, so of course we don't see it here. (Ah, WCW.)  Shit match, much more along the lines of what we've been expecting out of these two all along. They lumber around for a while before Giant goes for the powerbomb and the ENTIRE FUCKING nWo RUNS IN. Hello???? Isn't this sort of crap supposed to be saved for Nitro and not a PPV? (Gotta protect Nash’s spot.)  DQ win for the Giant. Very disappointing.

- Curt Hennig v. Bret Hart.

21 minutes long and a total pile of shit. (Normally I would step in and argue with myself, but no, this was AWFUL.)  This is the worst match I've seen Bret in since he lost the World title to Sid in 1997. Either Bret wasn't trying or Hennig really is that bad now (or both…), but this was boring as hell and a non-stop headlock. Rude blatantly interferes a couple of times, but Bret eventually puts Hennig in the Sharpshooter for the tap-out. And then Rude and Hennig just obliterate Bret, including a wicked Rude Awakening by Rude. *Another* post match beating? Haven't we been seeing these for weeks now leading up to this?

- WCW World title: Sting v. Scott Hall.

(Hey, Hall finally gets his title shot from World War III!)  Kick, punch, kick, punch. Sting pulls out 7 wrestling moves, showing more here than in any other match this year. And Dusty graces us with his presence, interfering on numerous occasions and even influencing the booking as we get brass knuckles and a ref bump. (Oh yeah, nWo Dusty, how could we forget that?  “There will be no comeback” is still a great soundbite, though.)  *Sigh* Sting kicks out of all the nefarious schemes and flips out of an Outsider's Edge attempt and hits the ultra-weak Scorpion Deathdrop (I still hate that move) for the pin. Not even close to what I know both guys are capable of. At least it was clean...

- Main Event: Age in the Cage II: Hulk Hogan v. Randy Savage.

This was the most boring cage match I've seen since, well, Age in the Cage I. And again the entire cage match concept is defiled not once but TWICE in the same match as the referee simply unlocks the cage and allows them to fight outside for a bit, then go back in. Hogan blades, showing what a hypocrite Bischoff is for panning away on everyone else, and then Savage blatantly cuts himself on camera to rub it in. Oh, blood, wow they're hardcore, aren't they? And then it gets good, so naturally we have to put a stop to it. Savage hits a nice-looking axehandle off the top of the cage, and goes for the big elbow off the top when Brutus Beefcake runs in and stops him, then takes out both referees. Then Sting drops in and they...don't do anything. I mean it, they literally just stand around and look at each other for 3 minutes. Oooooo, that's exciting. (There was some issues with time cues or something, if I remember right.)  Then, just to top it off, Savage suddenly clotheslines Sting and walks away. Stop me if this starts making sense. No decision is announced, end of show.

The Bottom Line:

What the fuck was that main event supposed to be? A screwjob, non-finish in a CAGE MATCH? On a PAY-PER-VIEW??? (Hey whoa, calm down there Jesse Baker.)  What kind of a slap in the face to the paying customer is that? Is Bischoff losing control of his company so fast that everything had to end in run-ins or post-match beatings to keep the troops happy? This was just Nitro booking all night long.

I liked two matches (Booker/Guerrero and Malenko/Jericho) but if they were anything less than "good -> very good" I'd be horribly disappointed so that's not saying much. I didn't like the US title match, but then I don't like garbage wrestling to begin with so that's not saying much. But the rest was just awful! 6/9 matches at ** or less is disgraceful, especially considering that many of those involved did good matches at the far superior Souled Out, including Nash and the Giant.

The run-ins and beatings were ridiculous. It was just the same stuff as we got on Nitro and Thunder leading up to the show. What's next, do we do rematches of everything at Spring Stampede? A tag match with Hogan and Beefcake against Sting and Savage? Who does Sting defend against next, Savage? (Um, yes.) 

People who were saying that the WWF didn't have a direction after Bret left should take a long, hard look at WCW right now and ask where it's supposed to be going right now, because this show was like a car wreck. Certainly not the worst PPV ever or anything, but definitely the worst WCW show this year.

Later...