ROH TV: June 15th Edition

Last week’s ROH was the final episode from the Toronto tapings, and the next tapings in Baltimore aren’t until next weekend, so we get a Road Rage edition from a live event in Richmond Virginia to fill the gap. 

The Show opens with Steve Corino telling us that he has to fill in for Kevin Kelly.  Corino proceeds to insinuate that Kelly missed the show because he gave him bad directions, which I don’t hold against him, Kelly is the dumbass who asked STEVE FUCKING CORINO for directions.  Corino “hypes” the show with the most sarcastic tone he can muster.  He tells us the main event is “that dirty hick” Jay Briscoe against BJ Whitmer (the announcement of the second name was complete with a mimed blow job from Steve).  Corino says that if he could wish for any two people to kill themselves they would be BJ Whitmer and Jay Briscoe.  Well that’s rather harsh.  Kevin Steen is apparently just jealous of “The greatest man ever: Matt Hardy.”  Corino gives us a spoiler alert; at Best in the World Jimmy Jacobs will become TV champ, and the Tag titles are coming to Rhett Titus and Cliff Compton.  Corino then sends us to the opening match

Jay Lethal, Cedric Alexander and Caprice Coleman VS Matt Taven and reDragon

Match is joined in progress; everyone is down except for Lethal and O’Reilly.  Kevin Kelly’s fill-in play by play guy is absolutely horrendous.  O’Reilly starts laying into Lethal with some kicks, but ends up getting caught with the Lethal Combination.  Jay signals for Hail to the King, but gets cut off on the top rope by Bobby Fish.  With Lethal disposed of Fish turns his attention to Alexander and delivers a Tilt-a-whirl back breaker.  Fish then props Cedric up for a running Knee from O’Reilly.  reDragon gets this fisherman suplex/legdrop combo, and unless they find a way to do it which doesn’t look like shit they should never do it again.  They try to get Call of the Dragon (Brainbuster/Headkick combo) but Fish is dragged out of the ring by Caprice Coleman and Cedric escapes Kyle’s grasp.  O’Reilly is sent into the corner then eats a dropkick to the face from Alexander.  Coleman hits the super-Huricanrana on O’Reilly to set up the Overtime splash from Alexander for the three count.  Well this was fucking pointless, it was literally the last minute or so of the match.  Did Taven actually do anything?  I literally have zero idea as to the quality of the match based on what was shown, and I can’t in good conscience assign it a star rating.

Corino sends us to the next match

“Zombie Princess” Jimmy Jacobs VS  Kevin Steen

We cut back to the ring with Jacobs already in it.  Steen’s entrance is cut short when Jimmy jumps out to start a slugfest in the aisleway.  Steen gets the better of the slugfest and starts beating Jacobs around the outside area.  Jimmy gets his first real offense by throwing Steen into the barricade.  Corino’s right hand man charges to spear Steen against the guardrail, but Steen moves and Jacobs takes an epic bump headfirst into the steel.  Steen then continues to beat Jacobs around as if he were Zack Ryder after he’d shit into Vince’s soup.  Steen throws Jacobs in the ring, just to clothesline him back out over the top.  Corino then bursts into a rant against Montreal; he says nothing great has ever come from French people.  You tell him Corino, Fuck the Habs!!!  Steen throws Jacobs back into the ring but is distracted by Corino.  Jacobs blindsides Kevin and chokes him out with his chain for the DQ at 2:33 shown.  ½* This was the definition of a nothing match, and Jacobs got maybe two offensive moves total. 

Steen doesn’t accept his DQ win however, and clotheslines Jacobs.  Security comes out to break up the brawl but Steen simply dispatches of them on route to grabbing a chair from ringside.  Titus and Compton run out as reinforcements and form a wall between Steen in the ring and Jacobs on the outside.  Steen takes the mic and tells Jacobs he knew that with the history they had it would end like this.  Steen then lays down the challenge, if Jacobs is finally ready to prove he’s a man after 8 long years, he’ll get in the ring and face Steen one-on-one with no DQs and no count outs.  Nigel comes out and tells the timekeeper to ring the bell and start…

No Holds Barred: “Zombie Princess” Jimmy Jacobs VS Kevin Steen

 

Steen starts by chucking the last security guy in the ring over the top rope into S.C.U.M. on the outside to send us to commercial.

We return with S.C.U.M. having been escorted to the back and Steen beating Jacobs in the head with somebody’s shoe.  Steen looks to get back in the ring but Jacobs crotches him on the middle rope.  Jacobs then gets a really ineffectual looking spear on the apron to send them to the floor.  Even the offence Jacobs does get makes him look out of his league.  Mr. Wrestling is tossed back in the ring and Jacobs lays into him with stomps and an elbow drop.  Steen starts firing back on the ground but Jacobs rakes the eyes and actually has some semblance of control for the first time in this match.  Jacobs wedges a chair into the corner, whips Steen into it, and then delivers a SLIGHTLY better looking Spear.  Look, I defend Edge using the Spear against people who say he’s too small, but Jacobs is half of HIS size, it looks ridiculous, he should bounce of Steen’s fat harmlessly. (it’s not like Steen is treating anything Jacobs does as particularly threatening anyway)  Jacobs goes back to choking Steen then throws him outside the ring.  JJ follows with a Suicide Dive, then jumps up on the apron and signals for an axe handle.   Kevin catches him with a punch to the gut in mid-flight.  When was the last time an axe handle DIDN’T end with the guy going for it getting hurt, using that move in a match against anyone ever is like trying to power bomb Kidman or jump headfirst of the top rope for no reason at Randy Orton.  Steen power bombs his foe on the apron then pushes him into the ring to deliver the world’s heftiest Swanton Bomb for 2.  Steen grabs the chair in the corner, but Jacobs jumps on his back and hooks a sleeper.  Steen fights out and leaves Jacobs sitting in the corner, but the cannonball misses.  Jacobs hits a springboard ace crusher for 2.  Jacobs tries to hook the Contra Code, but Steen won’t stop struggling, so Jimmy starts elbowing Steen repeatedly.  He tries for the Code again but Steen fights him off once more and hangs him in the Tree of Woe.  Cannonball hits, but Jacobs is able to pull himself up and respond with the Contra Code on the chair in the ring.  It only gets 2, so Jacobs gets some chairshots across Steen’s back.  Jacobs exits the ring to grab a section of the guardrail and throw it in the ring.  Steen takes this time to recover and punches Jacobs in the face with a fist wrapped in his chain.  Corino wants a DQ for this grave injustice.  Package Piledriver on the barricade looks to finish, but Jacobs sweeps the legs and Steen’s head makes a sickening thud on the guardrail.  Jacobs tries to finish Steen of with a chair shot to the face, but Steen rolls out of the way and does Jacobs a favour by going low and turning him into the Princess he wants to be.  Package Piledriver on the guardrail connects and Steen completes his near domination at 9:11 shown.  *1/2 mostly just brawling outside the ring, and pretty much the definition of nothing special.

Mark Briscoe tells us next week is an hour dedicated to the life and times of the Briscoe Brothers.  It was actually a pretty funny promo.

ROH World Title:  Jay Briscoe VS BJ Whitmer

Mark is on commentary.

BJ is just here to do the job and everybody knows it, which is good, cause he blows and everybody knows it.   We start with a collar and elbow tie up with BJ forcing Jay into the corner.  Jay wants a rematch and this time he forces Whitmer into the corner with the collar and elbow.  Third tie up ends with both guys tumbling outside the ring.  They start trading chops on the outside with BJ getting the better of the exchange.  Briscoe is whipped into the barricade, but he just bounces of with a grimace and boots BJ in the face.  Jay starts beating the challenger around outside then throws him so hard into the barricade that he breaks it.  Whitmer is thrown back in the ring and he trades elbows with Jay.  Briscoe runs the ropes but gets caught with a spine buster from BJ.  Whitmer throws him out and then gets a dive to send us to our final commercial break

 

Return with BJ holding Jay in a chin lock.  Well I personally am fascinated by BJ’s attempts to give Briscoe lockjaw I’m not sure it’s the best way to try and get over.  Briscoe fights out and starts with a series of short jabs.  Jay Briscoe has one of the best looking punches in wrestling today.  BJ blocks a punch then starts the chops, but Jay ‘aint having none of that and forearms BJ in the face.  He responds in kind and it’s forearms back and forth until Jay ends it with a head-butt.  BJ tries for an O’connor roll but Briscoe rolls through, BJ then manages to take him down with a powerslam.  BJ misses a charge and gets caught with an overtop neckbreaker from Jay for 2.  BJ responds with some kicks and a Dragon suplex for 2.  Whitmer hits a Fisherman neckbreaker, but doesn’t let go and hoists him up for a fisherman suplex.  Jay Briscoe then proceeds to suplex BJ over the top rope through the time keeper’s table headfirst in a holy shit moment that comes out of nowhere.  What is Whitmer’s obsession with tables and his head pounding through them?  The story of the match changes here to BJ being mostly dead but refusing to stop fighting.  Jay thorws him back in the ring then gets a Rude Awakening for 2.  Jay Driller hits…also for 2, I would have sworn that was the finish.  Mark starts marking out for Whitmer on commentary, which is odd since BJ sucks.  Briscoe try’s to get another Jay Driller but Whitmer turns it into a roll up for two.  Desperation exploder suplex from BJ gets 2.  BJ tries to get another exploder, but Jay Briscoe elbows him into putty, and then delivers SIX big boots to finally knock BJ down.  Jay boots him twice more in the face with him on the ground, but he keeps asking for more, so Jay puts him in a dragon sleeper and BJ passes out at 13:30 shown. ***  BJ’s Second best match since his return last year, and that’s no lip service.  Only better match from him was the street fight with Charlie Hass back in December.  He’s still has the charisma of a rock, but as long as he throws himself headfirst through a table every match he should be fine.

Meh show this week, only the main event was any good and it would be rated much lower if not for the crazy table bump from Whitmer.  recommendation to avoid unless you really hate Jacobs or Love BJ Whitmer.  See you all next week for Ring of Briscoe.