The PG Era Rant: Raw from October 7

When last we left our heroes, one stood tall over two.  But that one, arguably, had placed everything he had on the line out of frustration.  Now, with his boss having two new threats to deal with and three weeks until the vacant title will be decided inside a giant cage, will Big Show be given a new assignment… or a new reality of unemployment?

The pre-show commercial promises appearances from CM Punk, Ryback, and Paul Heyman, plus HHH and Stephanie will question Big Show’s actions.

- The PG Era Rant for Monday Night Raw, October 7, 2013.

- Live from Pittsburgh, PA.  Since I work for the Blog of Doom, I am legally required to remind you that you stick the hose here when giving the US an enema.

- Your hosts are Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and John Bradshaw Layfield.

- We open with a look at what Big Show did.

- First out of the curtain this week is Stephanie.  She lets us know that last night’s main event was ruined, and everyone is angry.  It’s all Big Show’s fault, she says.  So now, she calls him out for an answer.  Of course, she won’t let him talk, instead chewing him out for inexcusable behavior.  And all Show can say is “I’m sorry”.  Stephanie keeps chewing him out as the crowd chants “Knock Her Out”.  All of this explains why Big Show is in the sorry financial state he’s in – he’s awful at self-management.  Stephanie demands that Big Show take responsibility.  Show: “Man up?  Okay.  Can I go now?”  Show’s inability to care is funny.  Stephanie pokes Show in the chest as I’m getting Heenan/Andre flashbacks.  Stephanie says they OWN Big Show and he has no free will.  Stephanie demands that Show BEG for forgiveness from the people on his knees.  Show, though, simply shakes his head no.  It’s clear: he’s tired of this.  Stephanie keeps digging her own grave by insulting Big Show, who actually smiles at this.  Finally, Show admits he did all this because he’d had enough.  And then the twist: Stephanie TOLD Big Show to knock Bryan out.  And even though Maddox said it, we all know Maddox is HHH’s puppet.  I’m not getting across how vehement this is.  Stephanie slaps Show and wants to know what Show will do.  Finally, Stephanie has enough and fires Big Show.  And Big Show just smiles and walks away?  And through all this, the crowd cheers him.  Something tells me this will come back to haunt Stephanie in 2 hours and 45 minutes.  Very quick and intense opening segment, and in the biggest upset ever, I suddenly would like to see a David Otunga cameo in a role he SHOULD have.

- Big main event: Bryan and the Rhodes Brothers against the Shield.

- Dolph Ziggler v. Damien Sandow.  Bad enough we get rematches from Pay-Per-Views, now we get rematches from pre-shows?  Damien looks angry.  Sandow goes straight with knees to the gut and works him over in the corner, going through a ref stop, before getting a suplex for one.  He adds cross blows to the chest and a rear chinlock.  Sandow: “QUIT!  QUIT!  COME ON!”  The announcers ask if Brad Maddox acted on his own or not as Ziggler fights out, only to get another shot to the gut.  More kneedrops by Sandow as his knee is just fine, thank you.  Sandow with a facewash and he pounds on Ziggler before adding the middle-rope hip attack.  Sandow gets two.  He goes to a head-scissors on Ziggler.  Ziggler slides out of the hold – his greasy hair helped – and goes to the leg, but Sandow adds headbutts in the corner only to get slapped.  Ziggler with right hands, but Sandow fights out and dumps Ziggler as we go to break.  We return with Sandow getting two for unknown reasons.  Sandow throws Ziggler into the corner repeatedly, following up with the Russian legsweep and Cubito Aequet for two.  Back to the chinlock as we get told Big Show has left the building.  Ziggler headbutts  Sandow to get out, but Sandow leverages Ziggler out of the ring.  He follows by sending Ziggler into the STEEL post.  Sandow gets two out of it.  More chinlockery.  Ziggler fights out only to get floored and Hammer Thrown by Sandow, but a charge hits the post.  Ziggler hits the arm to gain control and tackles Sandow into a ground and pound.  A right hand sends Sandow to the outside, and he baseball slides into Sandow and keeps up the attack.  Ten punch countalong follows into the neckbreaker, and Ziggler is fired up with the DROPKICK OF DOOM for two.  Zig Zag fails when Sandow holds the ropes, but Ziggler recovers and goes up only to get knocked off by Sandow.  It gets two.  Sandow sets up with knees to the gut, but Ziggler with the Billy Gunn Special out of nowhere for the pin at 12:19.  Their pre-show match was better – this was a little disjointed.  *1/2

- Now, Stephanie is chewing out Brad Maddox.  She’s mad that the Rhodeses are back, then that there was a blackout, then that Scott Armstrong came back, then the no contest.  She’s blaming Maddox, and when Maddox tries to invoke HHH, she just gets madder.  Maddox won’t be fired, but he’s lucky.  She’s telling Maddox that he must apologize and make it up to the fans.  Now.  Well, after the break.

- During the commercial break, Bruno Sammartino got a standing ovation and got a Happy Birthday song.  Amazing they’re showing this on TV – now they have to pay royalties for the Happy Birthday song.  Seriously.

- Alicia Fox, Aksana, and Rosa Mendes v. Natalya, Eva Marie, and JoJo.  So basically, a 3-on-1 handicap match.  Natalya starts (duh) with Aksana and takes her down into a front chancery.  She outwrestles Aksana, escaping a head-scissors and holding Aksana.  Eva Marie in with a rollup for one and headlock takedown.  Aksana with a hairpull slam to take over and wait a second, Eva Marie is face in peril?  Aksana adding foreram smashes for one.  Aksana slams down Eva Maries, and Rosa adds a straitjacket choke.  Rosa throws Eva Maries down, and Alicia in with a head slam or two.  A slam follows, for one.  She smacks Natalya off the apron before throwing Eva into the corner.  Blind charge misses, hot tag Natalya.  Clotheslines to Alicia and a slam.  Alicia is thrown into her teammates, but she cradles Natalya for two.  Discus lariat and Sharpshooter get the win at 3:18.  JoJo did nothing.  Honestly, and I know I’m getting in a lot of trouble for saying this, but Eva Marie didn’t exactly embarrass herself.  1/2*  And if you think I’m being generous to her, remember: I saw Jackie Gayda’s debut.

- Before we can blink, out comes Brad Maddox.  He simply apologizes with no buildup, then announces that there will be a rematch and it will be in Hell in a Cell.  On top of that, he’s naming a Hall of Famer as the referee, but he’ll allow the fans to decide which one out of three possibilities we’ll find out later.  Have you gotten the WWE App?  If so, you can change the outcome of Hell in a Cell!  And now: candidate number one is Booker T.  Booker asks for the vote, although Lawler points out that Booker’s use of the phrase “Best for Business” worried him.  JBL is incredulous.

- Jinder Mahal and Drew McIntyre v. Los Matadores.  JBL mentions Tug Healey and Bodacious – which I remember from his great Astrodome promo in 2001.  Heath Slater’s “What the hell was that” look is priceless.  Diego starts with a dragon screw to Mahal.  He adds a high headscissors and brings in Fernando.  Mahal is given a double back body drop, but trips Fernando as McIntyre adds a kick to the head and mauls Fernando.  Jumping stomp to Fernando, and Drew hits the armbar.  Fernando fights out and gets a standing rana, hot tag Diego.  Some flying Jalapenos to both 3MB members and a standing shoulderblock to Drew.  He goes to the top and stabs Drew, then the Scot Drop ends it (ironically to McIntyre) at 2:20.  Just a squash, and let me say that even if McIntyre isn’t a future champ or Chosen One or whatever, he deserves better.  Slater chases El Torito and pays for it, including a flying headscissors from EL TORITO onto Slater, who will sell anything from anyone.  DUD

- Oh, sure, they mention Pittsburgh a dozen times in the first hour, but Mississippi isn’t worth saying once?

- This just in: Big Show still fired.

- The Dangerous Alliance is in the ring.  Heyman is still the Best in the World, no matter what happened last night.  He admits that last night, Punk won.  It doesn’t change that Punk is a bully and a cheater as we see the low blow he delivered for the win.  Heyman’s disapproving head shake is a detail not many people in wrestling know to do.  And before we get any further, here’s Punk.  And he’s doubled over in mock pain.  Funny.  Punk, ever the rebel, wears a Rise Above Cancer shirt.  Punk is shocked – SHOCKED! – to be told he’s a cheater.  But hey, he won, right?  And last night, he found out Ryback had manhood.  Heyman is angry and begins to promise, but Punk says Heyman’s promises mean nothing, and he will beat Ryback a second time.  So Punk pre-emptively accepts Ryback’s rematch challenge.  Ryback calls Punk out for being a bully and not a tough guy and dares Punk to walk to the ring.  To take on three guys.  Punk, weirdly, seems ready to do it, but R-Truth arrives for backup and says he’ll even the odds (presumably – they pantomime it).  And here comes a referee.  HOLLA!  (takes drink)

- CM Punk and R-Truth v. Curtis Axel and Ryback.  Punk and Ryback start… no, wait, just kidding, it’s Punk and Axel.  Punk shrugs and locks up with Axel.  Axel with a headlock and shoulder tackle, but Punk with a drop toe hold and, because why not, an Indian deathlock.  Truth in with a legdrop to Axel’s back for two.  Truth with a kick to stop a backdrop, and he follows with an uppercut and WHATS UP as we go to break.  We return with the faces working the arm of Axel, and Truth adds a snapmare and chinlock.  Ryback tags himself in and punches Truth down.  But Truth fights out on both guys only to get kicked down.  Big splash follows, and some punches to the gut lead to a bearhug.  Before Truth can escape, Ryback turns it into a belly-to-belly for two.  Axel in with a Bret Hart elbowdrop for two.  Axel works Truth over on the ropes, adding kicks to the gut, but Truth fights out only to be caught with a dropkick for two.  Crowd wants Punk.  The tag team formula’s working.  Axel HITS THE CHINLOCK.  He follows up with a Hammer Throw and brings Ryback in.  Ryback throws Truth corner to corner and mouths off on him before adding another Hammer Throw.  Ryback with a snapmare and kick for two.  Abdominal stretch by Ryback and Punk works the crowd.  Truth elbows the thigh to get out, only to be thrown into the corner again.  A blind charge hits Truth’s boot, but Truth runs into a military press, only to get out and land a spin kick.  Now the crowd is READY for Punk to get the hot tag.  Axel and Punk are in, and Punk with a springboard clothesline and neckbreaker.  Running knee and short-arm clothesline set up the Macho Man Elbow.  Punk signals GTS, then sends Ryback off the apron, and Axel’s out.  Ryback is high kicked hard, leaving Axel alone, so Punk brings Truth in for the Axe Kick to get the pin at 12:40.  Very much an old-school tag match, and Truth getting another pin on Axel means he may well get the I-C title yet.  **1/4

- Candidate Number Two: Bob Backlund.  And yes, he’s going to stump for the vote.  And yes, he’s campaigning in full-blown Mister Bob Backlund mode.  Vote for him because he doesn’t care for anyone and will just call for the one who deserves to win.  And a Crossface Chickenwing for anyone who crosses him.  This cracked me up.

- Kofi Kingston v. Randy Orton.  We reveal that Orton was berating Big Show prior to being knocked out.  Orton attacks Kofi to start, throwing him into the post and then out of the ring.  Then into the barricade.  And another one.  Orton with a clothesline on the outside.  Back in, it gets two.  Orton rakes Kofi’s eyes, following with a European Uppercut.  Kofi throws Orton out and begins a comeback, clotheslining Orton out of the ring.  Orton stalls on the outside before returning.  Back in, Orton attacks Kofi with shots to the back and punches in the corner, but Kofi kicks away to get some distance.  Kofi goes for a springboard bodypress, but Orton escapes and Kofi airballs as we go to break.  We return with Orton working Kofi over, getting a neckbreaker for one.  Orton hits the chinlock… and Microsoft Word crashes on me.  I’m back five or so minutes later with Orton getting a powerslam for two, having missed Kofi’s comeback.  Sorry, guys.  Orton gets the Draping DDT try, but Kofi throws Orton over the top and out.  Kofi misses a baseball slide and clotheslines Kofi.  It had to happen in a really good match, too!  Ugh.  Orton throws Kofi into the barricade and nails the Draping DDT on Kofi on the outside.  Back in, Orton has Kofi unconscious and pulls him up, and the RKO is academic for the pin at 13:40.  I could get used to Randy Orton getting 15-minute matches on every Raw, because he is really damn good.  The part I missed made up for the parts I recapped.  ***3/4  And  before we go to break, Daniel Bryan charges in and goes nuts on Randy Orton, sending him over the announce table and pounding away as every referee ever tries to break them up.  Cameras and announcers go flying as the crowd is popping HUGE for it.  Seriously, if FINLAY can’t separate these two, don’t even try.  Bryan chases Orton to the back, with everyone else following.  Regardless of my issues with Microsoft, let me just say the last 20 minutes MADE Raw.

- We return with Vickie Guerrero chewing someone out until she meets Alberto Del Rio.  ADR wants to be named the new face of the WWE (“I’m the only champion they have.”), and then he requests the night off.  But he knows that a champion’s work is never done.  He knows Vickie will find the right opponent for him.  Del Rio flatters Vickie some more to get on her good side, then gives her his scarf as he leaves her with a kiss on the cheek.  One small problem: it does not appear to have worked.

- Candidate number three: Shawn Michaels.  Okay, everyone go home now, we know the winner.  So Shawn is going to referee a match where his protégé is on one side, and his best friend will be instructing him to call it the other way.  There, I just summarized at least five segments between now and the Pay-Per-View.  And yes, Shawn mentions both of those facts in his stump speech.  I am demanding that Tommy Hall and Scott Keith add “H-B-Shizzle” to their vocabulary.  So Booker says what’s best for business, Backlund says what’s best for the match, and H-B-Shizzle says what’s best for the fans.  Don’t you love it when the WWE rigs the vote without rigging the vote?  Please, guys, vote for Backlund.  Oh, right, you’re reading this after the fact.

- Big Show.  Still fired.

- Alberto Del Rio v. Ricardo Rodriguez.  Well, I guess it worked.  Del Rio is chomping at the bit here.  Wait, there’s more!  Vickie is going to make ADR/Cena for Hell in a Cell.  Seriously?  John Cena?  Back?  Already?  And while Del Rio is distracted, Ricardo rolls him up for the pin at 0:38.  Del Rio beats up Ricardo after the match because he’s in a very bad mood.  Del Rio Pillmanizes Ricardo’s arm and puts on the Cross Armbreaker.  John Cena?  No way he’s going to be remotely healthy by PPV time.  I mean, unless he’s been hitting the deer antler spray.

- Let me make clear during this commercial break: I have absolutely nothing against John Cena.  At all.  But there’s no way he’ll be 100%.  Not even HE can heal that quickly from a torn tricep.  And I have to wonder: how does he heal so quickly on a repeated basis if he IS ready to go?  This whole thing smells of bait and switch.

- Zack Ryder v. Fandango.  Fandango fires on the back, but Ryder returns the favor only to run into a leg lariat for two.  Knee smash follows, and then a suplex for two.  Fandango hits the chinlock, followed by a knee to the gut, only for Ryder to return with a facejam.  Ryder with a missile dropkick and corner-to-corner forearm to set up the Broski Boot, but Fandango bails before it happens.  So Ryder boots him anyway on the outside.  Fandango suckers Ryder in with a kick to the head from the apron, then a reverse Hotshot.  Flying legdrop finishes at 2:44.  Why did this match happen?  1/4*

- Your referee: Shawn Michaels.  Although Backlund got a decent chunk of the vote.  And why isn’t H-B-Shizzle trending on Twitter yet?

- We the People v. Santino Marella and the Great Khali.  To be fair, we didn’t expect this match at the Pay-Per-View, so I’m not too mad about this rematch.  Swagger and Santino start, with Santino doing a cartwheel out of a throw and power-walking through a whip.  Swagger charges only to get an atomic drop.  He’s pissed and slugs Santino down, then throws him from corner to corner.  Cesaro in, and the heels do traditional heel tag stuff.  Swagger with a snapmare and butterfly lock as the crowd chants We The People.  Even Lawler acknowledges it!  Swagger with a lariat and Vaderbomb, with Cesaro adding a leapfrog mushroom stomp for two.  Cesaro works a chinlock, but Santino counters with a jawbreaker (with splits).  Lukewarm tag to Khali, and he smashes Cesaro a bunch.  Elbows in the corner, followed by the biggest chest chop.  Crowd doesn’t care.  Swagger is caught with a right hand, but Cesaro clips Khali’s knee.  And here we go: the GIANT SWING OF DOOM.  Ten rotations!  And like last night, it gets the pin at 3:54.  Swagger throws Hornswoggle into the ring (even asking the crowd if they should swing him), and Cesaro swings HIM, too.  Santino stops it with the Cobra to Cesaro (6 rotations in, and let’s be fair, he could be swinging Hornswoggle all the way to Thursday if he wanted to), and Khali punches Swagger out.  The crowd boos it.  Folks, as politically dangerous as it would be, don’t you kind of HAVE to do something with Swagger and Cesaro now?  *, and that’s almost exclusively due to the Swing.

- MizTV.  Miz’s guest: who cares?  The Wyatt Family are headed to the ring.  Miz figures it out and runs out of the ring to avoid Harper and Rowan, but now he’s trapped.  So, he attacks Wyatt and does just enough to escape all three of them.  Wyatt: “YOU CANNOT HIDE.”

- Meanwhile, Maddox asks if he did the right thing.  Stephanie says it’s not even close to enough.  Then HHH arrives.  Maddox is told to stay in the back, and HHH himself will go to the ring and make sure that things are Best For Business™.

- Meanwhile, on SmackDown, R-Truth gets a second chance at the Intercontinental Title against Curtis Axel.  Hope for a title change.  The show needs it.

- Main event: Shield v. Rhodes Brothers and Daniel Bryan.  I don’t like Goldust’s new face paint style.  It accentuates his jaw too much.  Goldust opens with Rollins.  Goldust “spits” in Rollins’s face as only he does, and he gets a flurry, but Rollins cuts him off.  Goldust with the kneeling uppercut and inverted atomic drop, adding a kick to the head for one.  Cody tags in with a springboard dropkick for two.  Rollins with a right hand and Cody is cut off in the heel corner, and Ambrose punches away only to be kicked on a backdrop attempt.  Knee to the face gets one for Cody.  Front suplex gets two.  Cody with elbows and stomps to Ambrose, and Goldust back in with a snapmare and running elbow drop for one.  Cody returns with a straight right, but Ambrose punches him down in the corner and adds elbow scrapes.  Blind charge by Ambrose eats knees, and Cody goes up top, kicking Reigns away, only for Ambrose to throw him to the outside as we go to break.  We return with Rollins getting a front chancery on Cody and throws him into the corner.  Ambrose returns and fires off right hands on Cody.  He digs his boot into Cody’s gut repeatedly.  From there, a camel clutch on Cody with the elbow scrapes thrown in.  Cody fights out, but Ambrose chases Cody with a knee to the gut.  Forearms by Ambrose in the corner, and he pulls Cody to the top for a back superplex, but Cody knocks him to the ground and connects with a moonsault press.  Ambrose grabs the boot to stop a tag and punches down both brothers, only to get a backdrop from Cody.  Hot tag Bryan, who dropkicks Reigns and unloads on Rollins.  Backflip out of the corner leads to a release German suplex.  Bryan with another corner-to-corner dropkick, this one to Rollins, then a top rope rana.  Reigns saves at two, and Goldust unloads on Reigns.  Ambrose takes over on Goldust and gets disposed.  Reigns with a flying clothesline on GOldust, Cody with the Beautiful Disaster on Reigns.  Cody and Reigns leave via a Cactus Clothesline.  Rollins goes for a release German, Bryan flips out and kicks down Rollins.  YES Lock is applied, but Ambrose uses a chair for the DQ at 11:00.  Except HHH is at ringside and makes it a no-DQ match as we continue with everyone brawling.  Bryan and Rollins are in the ring, as Ambrose and Reigns dominate on the outside until Bryan wipes them out with a dive.  Bryan celebrates, but Orton jumps in from out of the crowd and RKOs Bryan.  Rollins crawls on top for the pin at a combined 11:51.  Wait, it’s over?  It’s only 10:59!  ***1/4  HHH gives a signal, and the Shield continue the war on the outside.  Goldust is isolated by the Shield, and then Big Show’s music hits.  He appears, despite being fired, which confuses the HECK out of HHH.  HHH hides behind the Shield, but Show doesn’t care.  He’s stalking his way to the ring.  There’s a standoff (JBL: “Security needs to stop him.”  Cole: “YOU go stop him!”), but Show simply shakes his head and enters.  Shield jump on him, only Show throws them all aside and goes for HHH.  But a clip from Rollins and the Shield pummel him.  HHH orders them to finish him, but Show throws all three guys aside and FINALLY knocks out HHH to a HUGE pop.  Perhaps that contract is more ironclad than HHH realized.  Bryan stands over HHH now and smiles giddily.  Huge YES chant follows.  Bryan even straightens HHH’s tie for him like a good employee, and the YES ends the show.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

This show wasn’t really grabbing my attention, so I may be giving it the wrong rating, but honestly… the Big Show thing confuses me.

Look, Big Show clearly was happy to be fired – and at the end of the show, we saw he was still allowed backstage and had his entrance music and video.  So obviously, he knows something HHH doesn’t.  I’m not sure what it could be, other than the terms of his contract obviously invoke things we don’t seem to get.  My best guess is as follows:

John Laurinaitis, when he wrote out Big Show’s contract, wrote that Show could not be fired for wrestling-related reasons or he’d receive a multi-million dollar settlement.  Since he did nothing wrong, he was due a big payday.  That’s why he was so giddy upon being fired – his financial worries were over.  It also explains how HHH and Stephanie could say it wasn’t ironclad and toss around “breach of contract” – technically, they were right.  Big Show could’ve had the whole thing nullified for breach of contract, but he didn’t commit it.

Anyway, enough about contract minutiae, even if it was the main point of this show.  What we had tonight was, really, a bizarre show.  Nothing wrong with Truth pinning Axel – and in fact, I like that – but the main event seemed like a backdrop for the HHH/Show stuff.  John Cena back early seems like a panic move by WWE because honestly, as long as he’s in the building, the question of whether Bryan or Orton is best for business is answerable with “neither”.  Meanwhile, Punk/Ryback is headed for the inevitable rematch, and hopefully at some point, they’ll get Heyman to be beaten up by Punk just to bring closure.  I guess it’s the fact that they’re so blatantly building to rematches that bothers me.

STATS:

MATCH TIME: 63:24 over nine matches

BEST MATCH: Orton/Kofi

WORST MATCH: 3MB/Matadores

NIGHT MVP (kayfabe): As tempting as it is to pick Big Show, I gotta go John Cena – gets a title match by doing nothing.

FINAL SCORE: I really feel ambivalent about this Raw, so clearly, I have to rate it a 4.  Out of 10.  Yes.

Okay, that’s it for me.  Go ahead and discuss it in the comments below, and we await Scott Keith’s express-cap, Tommy Hall’s SmackDown look on Friday, and maybe I’ll have more to say later in the week.  In the meantime, I’ll try to be in a better mood later.  I think Microsoft Word has some explaining to do.