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Kassius Ohno, more commonly known as Chris Hero, has been released by WWE. I can't say I'm surprised given how much hot water he got into over his physique and how infrequently he's been used in NXT.
Kassius Ohno, more commonly known as Chris Hero, has been released by WWE. I can't say I'm surprised given how much hot water he got into over his physique and how infrequently he's been used in NXT.
The first joke I heard after 9/11 was "we should call these guys 'The Wrong Brothers.'"
ReplyDeleteAnne Frankly, I did Nazi this coming.
ReplyDeleteWhy do so many tennis players have failed marriages?
ReplyDeleteBecause love means nothing to them.
i was once in a class where we were asked who we felt had the greatest voice of all time. someone asked if we could use historical figures, or if they had to be modern. we were answered yes, but we had to keep it reasonably modern- it couldn't be someone before recording was possible, since we would have no idea what their voice sounded like. someone asked, "what about jesus?"
ReplyDeletewithout a second's hesitation, i replied "oh, his voice was immaculate."
I feel a little guilty enjoying this as much as I did
ReplyDeleteAtheism, it's a non - prophet organization.
ReplyDeleteI've got a better version that requires D&D knowledge.
ReplyDeleteI took a vacation to Engagement Ohio recently. Where's that? Oh, between Dayton and Marion.
ReplyDeleteI'd make a joke about a pun thread being gay, butt fuck it!
ReplyDeleteLove the pencil humor!
ReplyDeleteWhen I went to the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. A guy in a pencil costume walked past us. I started chanting "You're Number 2! You're Number 2!" He loved it.
There's a guy living in a wheat field, he was a cereal killer.
ReplyDeleteI hear WWE Diva Rosa Mendez can't swim a stroke, but she knows every dive in town.
ReplyDeleteRichie Incognito should really go into hiding this week......or something like that.
ReplyDeletePirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his fly. Bartender says "Hey, why the hell do you have a steering wheel in your pants?" Pirate says "Yarr, it's drivin' me nuts!."
ReplyDeleteWhy was President Kennedy such a horrible boxer?
ReplyDeleteHe couldn't take a shot to the head.
"Hey yoga man, you gettin' outta here?" "Nah'ma stay."
ReplyDeleteMy favorite 9/11 joke:
ReplyDeleteKnock, knock.
Who's there?
9/11
9/11 who?
YOU SAID YOU'D NEVER FORGET!!!
I sent a bunch of puns into a local paper for a contest.
ReplyDeleteDid you win?
No, pun in ten did.
Ooooh. Hey-yo!
ReplyDeleteThe only proofreading I do is on vokda labels.
ReplyDeleteAnd you are afraid no one here at nerd central will get a D&D reference?
ReplyDeleteA bit obvious
ReplyDeleteWhy does it have to be a Pirate for the joke to work?
ReplyDeleteSomeone told me I was only giving a half-effort. I said, "that's not true, I don't give an eff."
ReplyDeleteDid you hear about the guy whose left side got cut off? He's all right now.
ReplyDeleteTo write with a broken pencil is pointless.
ReplyDeleteAtheists can't solve equations a lot of the time because they don't believe in a higher power
ReplyDeleteYou have to say the punchline in a piratey voice to make it extra funny. It adds 19% humor.
ReplyDeleteI accept the validity of these statistics
ReplyDeleteNah... it's just a longer story. Also, Farva's one is perfectly fine.
ReplyDeletePirates add 19% positive effect to anything.
ReplyDeleteKassius was released from WWE! Ohno!
ReplyDeleteI think "me" only works as a possessive for pirates and sometimes Rastas.
ReplyDeleteWhy did Kofi Kingston pretend to be Jamaican? It was the quickest way to get a Rasta spot.
ReplyDeleteAn elderly couple are getting ready for bed. The husband is already in bed waiting on his wife. She comes out of the bathroom, wearing a cape and nothing else, and says 'SUPER PUSSY!"
ReplyDeleteThe husband says, "I'll take the soup".
Corn maze? Sounds redundant.
ReplyDeleteI often wonder about two-wheeled methods of transportation. I guess you could say I'm a little bike-curious.
A couple finds out they have a magic mirror on their bathroom door. But they are told they can only make their wish request by rhyme.
ReplyDeleteSo the wife says: "Mirror mirror on the door, make my boobs size 44". So the husband sees this and says "Woow! Nice hooters. That really works! Let me try."
So the husband says: "Mirror mirror on the door, make my dick touch the floor". Then there was a WHOOOSH, and the man's legs flew off.
Two pedophiles are tanning on a beach. One rolls over and says, "You're in my sun."
ReplyDeleteWho told you that? Scott Steiner?
ReplyDeleteI LOL'ed.
ReplyDeleteHe's a dick in disguise.
ReplyDeleteBritish people use it as well, don't they?
ReplyDeleteWhat do you get when you light a teddy bear's head on fire?
ReplyDeleteThe furry with a singe on top
Knock Knock
ReplyDeleteWho's there?
Interrupting cow
Interrup...
MOO!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Interrupting coefficient of friction
Interrup...
MU!
I asked my priest how to get to Intercourse, PA; his directions insisted that I go through all three of those towns first.
ReplyDeleteScratching my head here.
ReplyDeleteMe too.
ReplyDeleteAccording to my girlfriend it's from a musical.
ReplyDeleteA women on a plane feels turbulence. A few minutes later she notices massive panic and feels the plane start to plunge.
ReplyDeleteKnowing she only has a few minutes to live, she strips off her clothes and exclaims..."I want to die feeling like a women. Is there a man here who can make me feel like a women?"
A middle aged man gets up, takes his shirt off and exclaims..."I can! Here's my shirt, go iron it."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Surrey_with_the_Fringe_on_Top
ReplyDeleteMisogyny rules!
ReplyDeleteWoman. It's woman. Singular.
ReplyDeleteDangers of phone posting autotext...
ReplyDeleteI was just about to type this one up. This is my go-to joke in all situations.
ReplyDeleteHere's a joke I once made up:
ReplyDeleteWhy did Hitler knock through the wall into his kitchen?
He wanted more living room.
I wonder if auto-correct causes more typos than it prevents.
ReplyDeleteYou must be truly tortured by all those animal cruelty jokes about the road-crossing chicken.
ReplyDeleteWe do indeed. If it helps, a pirate can always be substituted in any joke for a farmer. Same accent, greed, unsavoury sex acts.
ReplyDelete"Farmer goes into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his fly. Barman says, "Alright mate, why do you have a steering wheel in your trousers?"
Farmer says, "Ooo-arrrr it's driving me nuts!"
As a British person, I still don't get why Americans are always banging on about the 9th of November (today!)
ReplyDeleteHere's another joke I made up. It probably only works if you're British, but for the other 2 or 3 who will read this: you're welcome!
ReplyDeleteA husband takes his wife out for a drive, she knows something is wrong. They stop by a field and he just stares out at this horse that's tied up to a tree. It's drooling and bashing his head against the tree and looks insane. Finally, just when the silence is getting unbearable for his wife, the husband says "I think we should get a div horse".
Truly worthy of Karl Pilkington.
ReplyDeleteYou know I've never actually seen any of his stuff. I dig his shtick though, it's a good gimmick.
ReplyDeleteThat's the bumper sticker on my car!
ReplyDeleteOne that I've actually said on stage numerous times:
ReplyDeleteI remember when my dentist told me I'd have to get braces. I was like, "no shit, asshole. You ran over my legs."
Its called culture people. Try and get it!
ReplyDeleteI got the Oklahoma reference.
Nothing for thus? WTF?!
ReplyDeleteTwo cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says, "Does this taste funny to you?"
ReplyDeleteHow many other animals are going to hump that poor chicken trying to get to the other side?
ReplyDeleteI broke up with my ex because one day she was wrestling with her new puppy, and she gave it a sloppy kiss on the mouth. I ended it on the spot, not because I was grossed out but because a puppy is an underage animal. She
ReplyDeletewas a pet-ophile.
A friend once asked me to describe the taste of Dr. Pepper and I said it's a cross between cola and root-beer. Then he asked me to describe Jesus and I said he's a cross between a mob of very agitated Romans.
ReplyDeleteI was stung by a promiscuous bee. I got the results back from the clinic the other day and I tested HIVE-positive.
ReplyDeleteI was dating this one girl until we realized the only thing we had in common was that we both collected Star Wars action figures. We decided to just be friends with Bobafetts.
ReplyDeleteI came home late last night and ordered a sandwich from my favorite chain, Hillbilly Jimmy Johns. My roommate tried to snag a bite of my sub but I told him, "Don't go messin' with my Country Club."
ReplyDeleteA five year old child and his mother are making a cake, the little boy takes the chocolate icing, smears it on his face and says, "Look mommy, I'm black!" The mother smacks the little boy and says, :Go show your father what you've done! The little boy goes to his dad and says, "Look daddy, I'm black!" The father smacks the little boy and says, :Go show your grandfather what you've done! The little boy goes to his grandfather and says, "Look grandpa, I'm black!" the grandfather spanks the little boy and says, :Go to your mother! When he gets back to his mother she says, "Now what have you learned?" The little boy says, "I learned that I've only been black 5 minutes and I already hate you white motherfuckers..."
ReplyDeleteNo matter how much I push the envelope, it remains stationery.
ReplyDeleteThe best was when you did The Aristocrats.
ReplyDeleteDid you hear Jerry Sandusky escaped prison? He found at sea bobbing on a buoy.
ReplyDelete