When last we left our heroes, the face
of the WWE had been changed again. The World Championship had been
retired, folded into the WWE Title and held aloft by Randy Orton, who
used cunning and force to outmaneuver John Cena and stand above them
all. But if last week's Raw is any indication, there's one man the
fans want to be waiting for him... only he's stuck being chased by a
cult. With 6 shows before the Rumble, what is next for the WWE?
The live look-in says we'll announce
who won the main event last night... or, you know, you can read my
intro.
The PG Era Rant for Raw, December 16,
2013.
Live from Dallas, TX.
Your hosts are who they've always been.
We open with a look at last night, with
HHH and Stephanie talking up the main event. From there, stills of
the match, concluding with Randy Orton as the one and only cha,pion.
And hey, everyone's on the stage...
again. Stephanie and HHH are in the ring (at least this time, the
Shield isn't in the aisleway as bodyguards), and Stephanie welcomes
us to a historic Raw and asks everyone to respect Orton. Naturally,
the crowd begins a YES chant, and no amount of softening that mic
will make me miss it. HHH talks about what happened last night some
more, and says tonight we are honoring that man... Randy Orton. He
is the WWE World Heavyweight Champion, and here he is. And the
roster parts to let him get to the ring, which always struck me as a
very strange thing – after all, if no one or very few people like
him, they'd have numbers right there. And to make it more
noticeable, Orton poses with both belts between the two people front
and center (Daniel Bryan and John Cena) that he beat to get those
belts. Commentary focuses on how heartbroken Cena must be. Orton
says it's great to have faith rewarded, even if the fans didn't
believe in Orton. The fans believed that Orton was just handed
everything, and last night proved he has the talent that proves he
should be champion. The crowd is unhappy and, since we're in
Austinland, we're doing WHAT chants. No champion has done what he's
accomplished, and as he looks and see the jealousy of the locker
room, it's appropriate because Orton is better than everyone else.
Orton is the most powerful person in the ring (and yes, HHH and
Stephanie are in the ring) because he's the champ. Finally, Cena
cuts Orton off. Orton orders the mic off, but no luck. Cena says
he's going to summarize Orton's speech: viper viper viper viper viper
viper. “I saved these people 20 minutes.” And he didn't even
sign them up for GEICO! Cena acknolwedges that Orton earned the win.
Cena says that every night Orton must put up or shut up. So which
will it be, Orton? But Orton says no rematch, because he knows where
Cena's going... except Cena had someone else in mind. Sure Cena
wants the gold, but if he won, he had already named a #1 contender.
Because he listens to the fans, which the Authority doesn't. I love
shoot comments that aren't meant to be shoot comments. Bottom line:
Cena wants Orton/Bryan TONIGHT. Orton shoots that idea down and
demands that security get “him” out. But Cena says Orton cares
about being the greatest and says he can prove his legacy tonight by
accepting the match. Crowd REALLY wants this match. Orton says he
doesn't have to listen to ANYONE, not Cena, Bryan, the fans NOBODY.
Except Stephanie. Wait, what? Orton says that Stephanie of all
people shouldn't want to give Bryan a title shot. But Stephanie is
talking to HHH, which gets Orton very nervous. HHH then says that,
yeah, it would be a bad move. Bryan doesn't deserve it. However,
Daniel Bryan IS Superstar of the Year as voted by the fans (seems
legit) and the McMahons listen to the fans (since when). So if they
want to see the match... but Orton says he's not 100%. However, HHH
steamrolls Orton's talking by making the match. Wait, whose side is
HHH on? He plays up that Orton needs to win this match to seal his
legacy. And it WILL be Orton against Bryan in our main event. It
should be noted he never said it was a title match. The entire
locker room and crowd chants YES.
Earlier tonight, we voted on a tag team
title match, but we don't know which challenger from last night it
will be.
Okay, while we're in commercial, let me
get this out: HHH is supposed to be the new Vince McMahon, but he
never once breaks a sweat in these segments. He acts like he was
going to agree with the WWE Universe even though it puts Orton in the
crosshairs of his sworn enemy, the man he bent the rules and
continuity to keep from ever being champion. Why would HHH suddenly
be gung-ho about putting Mr. B+ in a title match just because the
fans say so? Because the last thing he wants is to look like he's
being overrun. In the time I've been recapping, it's never been HHH
concerned; it's been Orton. Every time there's trouble, Orton takes
the hit. And every time Orton shows a heel streak, he goes back to
being overruled by the McMahons and turning into a cowardly heel.
But it's never HHH. Ever. And that's where he fails.
Cody Rhodes and Goldust v. Rey Mysterio
and Big Show. Oh, don't look so shocked. Okay, I thought this was a
title match, but apparently not. As a reminder, these two teams were
the last two in the tag title match last night. Cody and Rey will
start with a handshake. Cody with a headlock takedown, Rey reverses
to a headscissors, and Cody breaks. Cody with an armlock, but Rey
gets a tilt-a-whirl headscissors and gets a baseball slide. He then
turns his skid bump into a splash on the outside. Rey goes up, but
Cody catches him, only for Rey to slide down and get caught with the
Disaster Kick for two. Cody with a stalling front suplex as JBL
namedrops WCCW. It gets two. Goldust in, and they get the drop
toehold and elbow combo from the video games for two. Goldust works
the arm of Rey, and Cody's in to drop an elbow on the arm. Lawler
agrees with JBL, wow. Cody continues working the arm on Rey, but
puts his head down and Rey kicks away and tumbles over Cody to tag in
Big Show. Show levels Cody as we go to break. We return with both
men down and crawling to each other's corners, but Show cuts off Cody
and slams him down. Show drops an elbow for two. We cut to the
announcers taking a selfie in a Mandela funeral joke, so we miss Show
beating Cody up. CHOP OF DOOM, thankfully, gets caught on screen.
Cody fights back and tries to chop down Show, but runs straight into
a “martial arts kick”. Hey, another selfie! Big Show with a
cobra clutch on Cody as we focus on the announcers being jackasses
because Vince thinks it would be funny. Cody is almost out as the
announcers decide to DO THEIR JOB, but he recovers after an arm drop
check. Jawbreaker breaks the hold, but Show throws him down for two
as the crowd is chanting for Goldust. Really. Show with a gut punch
on Cody and a few corner squashes. I like this – there's no way
Rey could play heel at his size, so Cody being face-in-peril
exclusively against Show makes sense. Another big slap against the
ropes follows. Cody tries to fight his way back up but gets nowhere
as Big Show does the spinning elbow slam for two. Show climbs the
ropes (!?), but the second rope elbow misses. This is actually a
well-booked match. Hot tag Goldust, and he runs Show over and gets a
dropkick. Show reverses a whip but puts his head down and gets the
kneeling uppercut and flying lariat for two. Show with a chokeslam
out of nowhere, Cody saves. Show throws Cody out of the ring, but a
charge hits boot on Goldust only to dodge a twisting bodypress. KO
Punch connects, and Rey is tagged in for the old Michaels/Diesel
tower splash to end it at 12:38. This match showed why Show is a
much better heel than face. **3/4
Post-match, Cody check in on his brother, and Rey and Show look on
to see if he's okay. Everyone helps Goldust to his feet.
Meanwhile,
WWE App. Will CM Punk team with the Usos, Matadores, or Prime Time
Players to face the Shield tonight?
(Random
thought: the booking so far has been Daniel Bryan getting a match
with the champ and CM Punk needing partners to take on the Shield.
Wouldn't this have made more sense if Bryan had won his handicap
match and Punk didn't?)
Next
week, it's Damien Sandow against Mark Henry for a Very Raw Christmas.
Or something.
Meanwhile,
Bad News Barrett wants to talk to us. And he has a gavel. Our bad
news: we're not winning the lottery. Happy Holidays!
Hey,
did you know there's a Slammy Award for auction? And it's signed by
the winners!
Backstage,
the Authority is holding a huddle, and Orton is FURIOUS about the
match with Bryan. “Is that my REWARD for winning last night?”
Stephanie tries to calm down Orton by pointing out that, hey, Bryan's
nowhere near 100% either, right? And the Authority does value him as
a champion and as a friend. Orton's the first ever WWE World
Champion, and with Great Power comes Great Responsibility™. HHH
says that Orton is at the top, and he needs to prove it and show why
he's champ. The Authority does have his back, though.
Fandango
v. Dolph Ziggler. Lawler: “Hey, there's Summer Rae! Where are my
other two wishes?” It's a rematch from last night. Fandango
attacks off the bat, but Dolph flips over a suplex and gets a
dropkick. Dolph misses a baseball slide, and Fandango clotheslines
him. Back in, it gets two. Fandango with knees to the back before
slowly picking Dolph up and punching him down. Suplex by Fandango
gets two. Fandango to the chinlock, but Dolph elbows out and
dominates with a slugfest only to run into a leg lariat for two.
Fandango stomps away and slaps Dolph around before taunting him and
putting on a rear chinlock. Dolph punches out and gets a cradle out
of nowhere for two. Fandango knocks Dolph over for two. Fandango
with a series of elbows and poses. He picks Dolph up, but a knee to
the gut attempt turns into a cradle for Dolph for the pin at 3:25.
I'm with Scott: this fifty-fifty booking is doing no one any favors
unless it leads to a feud, and frankly, I'm not looking forward to
this as a feud. Largely because Fandango is the first person I'd
fire if I could. 1/4*
Later
tonight, it's Randy Orton against Daniel Bryan. And it appears to be
non-title.
Up
next, the team of Mark Henry and Big E Langston!
We
the People v. Mark Henry and Big E Langston. I don't like my boys'
chances. JBL chants We The People with the heels, which is the first
time his taking part in audience participation makes sense. Buy a
Big E singlet; all proceeds go to Toys for Tots. Swagger pounds away
on Langston to start, but Langston with a LEAPFROG and a shoulder
tackle. Cesaro enters and fires off uppercuts, but a criss-cross
ends with Langston bowling over Cesaro too. Swagger to try again,
but he wants to calm it down a bit. Henry tags in as the crowd shows
their disdain for OU at Swagger. Nice. Henry pries off a waistlock
of Swagger's and pounds away in the corner. Hammer Throw by Henry
and he puts up the Horns. If you're not American, you wouldn't
understand. Henry with a headbutt and avalanche and in comes
Langston with a Henry-assisted spear in the corner. He gets another
corner spear and brings Henry back in. Henry drops his weight on
Swagger cuz that's what he do. Langston back in to punch away on
Swagger and get ten in the corner. Meanwhile, Luke Harper tweets.
Langston with a short lariat for two. Langston holds an armbar on
Swagger, but Swagger punches out and brings Cesaro in. Langston just
hiptosses Cesaro and brings in Henry, who headbutts Cesaro down.
Henry works the arm, but Cesaro kicks out of it and brings Swagger
in. Swagger boxes at Henry, but he runs into a clothesline.
Langston punches away on Swagger, and the strongmen get a double
shoulder tackle. Cesaro tags in only to get military pressed and
thrown out of the ring. We the People take a powder on the outside
and try to figure out what the heck they're going to do, with
Langston breaking up the count before hiptossing Cesaro back in. Big
back body drop by Langston, but Cesaro with a headbutt to the gut and
he tags in Swagger, but Langston punches both men down. Swagger
trips Langston on the outside and sends him into the announce table,
finally showing some fire as we go to break. We return with Cesaro
working a standing armbar thing on Langston. Langston fights out but
gets thrown into the heel corner. He elbows out but can't make the
tag as a war of wills between Langston and Cesaro breaks out. Cesaro
wins with a Greco-Roman takedown and Karelin suplex for two. Swagger
in with a belly-to-belly slam for two. Swagger with a front chancery
as I think they called a spot but can't prove it. There it is –
Langston throws Swagger off with a flapjack, just as Swagger said he
should. Langston kicks Swagger into the corner, and Cesaro tags in
with a Sullivan back stomp for two. Swagger back in, and We the
People get a catapult belly-to-belly throw for two. Swagger goes to
the arm, and when Langston fights out, he gets a corner knee. Cesaro
in, but Langston avoids a double backdrop and tosses Swagger.
Belly-to-belly to Cesaro by Langston and FINALLY it's hot tag Henry.
Cesaro goes flying off of clotheslines and a Junkyard Headbutt.
Running powerslam follows, Swagger saves. He runs into Henry and
gets the worst of it, though. Cesaro with a dropkick to Henry out of
nowhere, and Langston tags himself in. Cesaro threatens to swing
Henry, but Langston bowls over Cesaro and gets the Big Ending for the
pin at 15:33. Wow – I never thought I'd enjoy a 15-minute match
with Mark Henry in it. ***
Get
thee an App! Vote for CM Punk's partners! JBL: “Hey, Punk's in
trouble no matter who his partners are!” You mean like last night,
John Boy?
Backstage,
Damien Sandow is an evil Santa with AJ and Tamina as his “helpers”.
He cuts a heel promo on a little girl. Seriously, this just
happened. Watch a Very Raw Christmas next week.
Ryback
and Curtis Axel v. Tons of Funk. R-Truth and Xavier Woods are on
commentary. It appears Tensai and Brodus have talked it out and are
willing to give it another chance. Axel and Tensai start, and Tensai
gets headbutts in the corner and a Hammer Throw. An avalanche
misses, but Tensai knocks Axel over. Axel with a dropkick and elbows
as Clay is impatiently waiting for a tag. Ryback in, and he stomps
away and slaps Tensai around only to pay for it. Ryback with a
powerslam (!!) for two. Ryback runs into an elbow on a blind charge,
then the post. Hot tag Bro... wait, never mind, Brodus walked away.
Meathook from Ryback, and Shell Shock follows for the pin at 2:24 as
Brodus just watches. The Funkadactyls are not happy. Post-match,
Brodus splashes Tensai to make a point and cement the heel turn.
When you're doing a tag team breakup match, keep it short. DUD
Truth and Woods are so mad
they step in to stop Brodus and run him off. Truth and Woods invite
the girls in for a dance, which Brodus hates, putting them in the
middle. They come in to dance with Truth and Woods anyway as Brodus
has been DUMPED, WWE style.
Last
night, CM Punk upset the Shield. So tonight, he'll do it again with
two partners. But first, he will speak to the Authority.
CM
Punk is out, but it's not clobbering time YET. First, we will look
back at last week as Punk loses his temper on Orton, which led to HHH
pulling Punk aside and Punk taking it out on HHH before Shawn
Michaels came to his friend's rescue. Punk says that he thought he
was getting put down at TLC, and he was wondering how many of them he
would take with him. Punk doesn't believe in miracles, but hey, the
Best in the World won. The Shield can make excuses because THIS IS
NOT OVER! Punk pauses so the crowd can chant his name. But now,
this isn't about the Shield, nor was it ever. It's about the
Authority sending the Shield after him. Someone is trying to make
him disappear. See, Punk doesn't like authority, which you all saw
last week. Before we get the 16-on-1 handicap match, though, Punk
wants to ask HHH to come on down and address him personally so they
can work out their issues like men. Unless he's scared of a
Pipebomb. JBL calls conspiracy. Lawler: “Yeah, and Humpty Dumpty
was pushed.” Anyway, no sign of Authority yet, so Punk agrees to
wait. But no Authority arrives... on the other hand, Shawn DOES. We
must be in Texas. But Punk wasn't finished... he asks Hunter – no,
wait, Stephanie – to come out when she's ready. Now, Shawn can
talk. Shawn knows that Punk is upset at Authority and the crowd says
he sold out. Shawn, not Punk. Shawn: “Ha ha! Couldn't keep it
up, could ya?” Anyway, Shawn has also had authority issues, but
Punk needs to get over it. Punk's issues should be with Shawn,
anyway, seeing as how Shawn knocked him out, right? So Punk wants to
talk about that... and the crowd is torn between You Sold Out and One
More Match. Punk: “I'm sure I'll have more than One More Match.”
Punk respects Shawn, so he's going to give him a pass for last week.
Heck, Punk is thrilled he got to get knocked out by Shawn. But if
it happens again, Punk will fight back. Shawn likes Punk, and he
says that what happened last week didn't sit well with Shawn either.
And what he's about to do will hurt too. But it's not a superkick –
it's bringing out the Shield. Lawler points out that match isn't
now. Someone offers the Shield a soda as they head to the ring.
That cracks me up for some reason. Fortunately, the match IS next,
so Punk has time to back down.
The
Shield v. CM Punk and the Usos (57%). No surprise, given that
Usos/Shield have had good matches. Wow, Reigns' eye looks bad.
Ambrose and Jimmy start. Jimmy gets a headlock, but Ambrose reverses
to one of his own and knocks down Jimmy. Jimmy returns the favor and
uppercuts Ambrose, adding a back body drop for one. Jey in, and he
and Jimmy double-team Ambrose down. Jey gets one off of it. Punk in
now, and he drops a fist on Ambrose, but misses a blind charge and in
comes Rollins. Punk drop toeholds Rollins and brings in Jimmy, who
kneedrops Rollins. Jimmy takes Rollins down and works the arm.
Rollins backs Jimmy into the corner and pounds away, adding a huge
chop. Jimmy stops a corner whip and clotheslines Rollins, and Jey in
as the Usos get a double elbowdrop for one. Jey with the armbar. He
drops his weight on the arm and throws Rollins down for another
one-count. Back to the armbar, but Rollins punches out of it and
adds an elbowsmash. Jey with a hiptoss on Rollins, and he corners
Rollins and tags in Jimmy, who uppercuts Rollins. Rollins with a
knee to the gut of a running Jimmy, and he punches away only to lose
a slugfest. Jimmy with a Cactus Clothesline, and everyone stands off
on the outside as we go to break. We return with Rollins punching
Jey off the top rope (Rollins on the top, not Jey) and knocking him
around. Jey fights out of the conundrum, only to get nailed with a
running back elbow. Rollins stomps Jey in the corner as we find out
even Bobby Heenan loved the Shawn/Punk faceoff. Blind leap by
Rollins misses, and Jimmy's in to bowl Rollins over. Catapult Samoan
drop gets two. Jimmy sets up the hip check, but Reigns distracts him
and Rollins gets an enzuigiri. Ambrose gets two off of it. He
stomps away on Jimmy and gets a Power Drive Elbow for two. JBL
brings up a big point: if the Authority wanted someone out of the
WWE, wouldn't they just fire them? Ambrose has an armbar, but Jey
gets a jawbreaker only to get bowled over by Ambrose again. Ambrose
with a stomp off the second rope to keep control. Reigns in, and he
headbutts Jimmy in the gut and clobbers him down. Leaping elbow gets
two. Reigns stomps Jimmy's hand, and Rollins is in to cut off a
rally. Rollins argues with the referee (“We run the show now”)
before rushing Jimmy into the corner and putting him on the top rope.
He follows up top, and an ultraplex seems imminent, but Jimmy
headbutts Rollins down and comes off with a bodypress. Reigns stops
the hot tag with a hairpull and gets Nodowa Otoshi for two. Reigns
mocks Punk's encouragement and pounds away before hooking a chinlock.
He turns it into a cover for two. Jimmy punches Reigns' eye and
gets a dragon whip to that side to get the advantage, and it's HOT
tag to Punk, who takes out Ambrose and Rollins at the same time.
Running knees to both men in opposite corners, then a Rude
Awakening/DDT combo. Punk with a brainbuster to Ambrose, Reigns
saves. Superman punch from Reigns to Jimmy, but Jey tosses him and
gets a HUGE pescado. Punk and Ambrose, the legal men, are left in
the ring as Rollins throws Jimmy into the barricade, so Punk dives
onto Rollins. Ambrose tries to dive, but Punk intercepts him and
blasts him in the head, allowing Punk to get the Heartbreak Elbow for
two. It's naptime, says Punk, but Rollins stops the GTS and Reigns
tags in. Punk intercepts Reigns and GTS's Ambrose, but Reigns with a
spear for the pin at 16:20. So what does this say about the Usos?
Or is this just fifty-fifty booking again? I shouldn't complain
about a great match, I know. Meanwhile, Ambrose is busted open from
the collision with Punk somewhere. ***1/2
Let's
look back at how our main event of Orton/Bryan was set up. Oh, and
that match is later tonight.
By
the way, Stephanie McMahon should get coal in her stocking, per the
WWE2K14 vote. Of course, it's not like it was a big win. Meanwhile,
Cole talks about WWE Universe mode as we see clips of 30 Years of
WrestleMania. Did I miss something?
We
interrupt this program for the Wyatt Family. Bray Wyatt talks about
the long war to take down the Machine. He calls Bryan a coward and a
liar, just an ant trying to kill a scorpion. Bray held him in his
arms, just as Abigail held Bray, and even though Bray said he could
take the pain away, Bryan did nothing. Bray understands what Abigail
wants from the Family: if Bryan won't join them, they will destroy
him. For the record, Bray was talking to... an empty rocking chair
just off camera.
Natalya
and the Bella Twins v. AJ Lee, Tamina Snuka, and Alicia Fox. Hey,
it's Homewrecker! Natalya and Alicia start, with Natalya getting a
one-count. She works the arm, and Alicia tries a tilt-a-whirl only
to fail as Natalya gets two. Brie in, and a double hiptoss gets two.
Brie goes up top, but Alicia yanks her off the turnbuckle, getting
two. Alicia goes to the chinlock, and Brie tries to fight out only
for Alicia to get a hairpull slam for one. Tamina in off of a corner
whip, and she chops away on Brie. She drags Brie by the hair before
getting one. JACKET OF DOOM gets tossed, and it's a knee to the gut
and boot choke. Brie with a cradle out of nowhere for two, but
Tamina keeps in control with kneedrops and a chinlock. This goes for
a while, until she throws Brie to the ground. Samoan Drop follows as
JBL forgets Will Ferrell's name. AJ enters to a bit of a pop because
she's the only Diva booked strongly, but Brie with a dropkick and she
brings in Nikki. Running clotheslines for AJ and a dropkick fo
Tamina and Alicia for good measure. Nikki with the Torture Rack, but
Tamina kicks her head off. AJ is up now, and she gets a Shining
Wizard for the pin at 5:12. Cole wonders why Tamina wasn't DQ'd for
that. Daniel Bryan would like to remind him SHE HAS TIL FIVE! *
Tribute
to the Troops is on December 28 on NBC. Jeff Dunham and Daughtry
will guest star. One out of two ain't bad. Don't worry, Doomers, I
will rant this.
...and
yes, I mean Daughtry as the good one. So no starting rumors.
And
now, Mark Henry as the Good Santa, complete with the Bellas and
Hornswoggle as helpers. And he will make sure Christmas IS NOT
CANCELLED. Cuz that's what Santa do! I almost forgot how corny
their Christmas episodes are. Next week's Raw is going to be FUN to
recap.
Renee
Young is with Randy Orton. But before Renee can congratulate Orton,
Orton goes off on Daniel Bryan. “The Authority is listening to the
WWE Universe? Since when?” He has a point. But what's Best for
Business™ is if everyone kisses his ass. That's the Orton I cheer
for!
SmackDown
will feature the Rhodes Brothers against the Wyatt Family.
Main
event: Daniel Bryan v. Randy Orton. Cole runs down the four
Pay-Per-View meetings and why this is Orton's win he needs. They
lock up, with neither man getting an edge, and Orton rolls to the
outside to stall for time. He returns, and Bryan gets a headlock
into a takedown. Orton switches to a headscissors, fighting like
heck to avoid a reversal, but Bryan gets an Indian Deathlock out of
the struggle. Bryan switches to Pin Up Strong for one, and Orton
bails again. Orton returns and kicks Bryan, adding a headbutt and
ground-and-pound. Orton with a suplex on Bryan and he measures
Bryan. He stalls too long, and Bryan trips him and works the leg
with elbows and a kick to the hamstring. More kicks to the leg, and
Bryan ties Orton's leg around the ropes, getting a hamstring
dropkick. He wraps Orton's leg around the post as I try to listen to
JBL pretzel himself in logic. Back in, Bryan gets two. European
Uppercut by Bryan, but Orton responds in kind. He adds another to
floor Bryan, and a war breaks out (“YES! NO! YES! NO!”), won by
Bryan. He adds a knee to a running Orton's gut and adds a kick to
the ribs. Bryan with the Celtic Knot on Orton, who tries to use the
beard to break but gets stopped. Orton does break with a bite, and
both men hold their knees. Orton on the attack now with headbutts in
the corner and a European Uppercut. Orton with his Thesz Press try,
but Bryan catches him in mid-air and gets a half-crab. WOW. Orton
makes the ropes. Bryan slams Orton's leg to the mat, then kicks away
again at the hamstring. Hiptoss is blocked, but Bryan flips into a
lariat. Orton mounts onto Bryan and works the arm, stomping on the
elbow. Orton's stitches are opened – it adds to his look. Orton
mocks the crowd before returning to Bryan and headbutting him. He
cranks Bryan's arm around the top rope and has to be told to break by
the referee. Orton with a back elbow for two. Orton to the armbar
as he's neutralizing the Yes Lock attempt. Bryan fights his way out
of it, but his arm wrench is reversed as Bryan screams in pain.
Orton gets two. Orton with the Garvin Stomp now, taking extra effort
to hit the injured arm twice. Orton poses for the crowd, who boos
LOUDLY, but it allows Bryan to bite the cut on Orton! Bryan punches
away in a rage, then gets a running dropkick to send Orton over the
top rope and dives out, only for Orton to dodge as Bryan crashes and
we go to break. We return with Orton working a chinlock on Bryan as
we replay Bryan's crash and burn. Also, Orton's stitches were fixed
during the break. Bryan fights out of the chinlock only to run into
a kneesmash. Orton then knocks Bryan from the apron to the
barricade. Orton does a chickenwing and throws Bryan into the post.
He then drops Bryan back-first onto the barricade. Back in, it gets
two. Orton headbutts Bryan and puts him on the top rope, punching
him while Bryan's seated up there, then follows up for a superplex.
It connects, and after recovering, Orton covers for two. Commentary
points out that Bryan's left arm is stiff and immobile. Bryan tries
to pull himself up, but Orton's punches... are blocked until Orton
attacks the arm. Orton with the corner flip to cue his comeback, but
he landed on the bad arm. Bryan gets a cross-corner dropkick, twice,
and begins kicking Orton in the gut in the corner. He puts Orton up
top and follows, and it's a top-rope Frankensteiner for two. Crowd
is WAY into this match, declaring it Awesome. Bryan headbutts Orton,
who comes back with his inside-out backbreaker. Orton stalks Bryan,
but Bryan goes for the Yes Lock out of nowhere only to get caught and
catapulted over the top rope... but Bryan skins the cat right into a
low blow. GREAT sequence there. Orton follows with the Draping DDT.
Orton goes to That Place He Frequents ™, stalking Bryan and
calling for the RKO. Bryan reverses to a backslide for two. An
immediate roundhouse kick gets another two. Orton keeps checking his
tooth. Bryan is up but favoring his arm as the crowd goes loud, and
Bryan goes up top for the Ram Jam only to get crotched. Orton stares
out to the crowd before following Bryan up for another superplex, but
Bryan blocks this one and punches Orton before headbutting him to the
mat. NOW the Ram Jam is launched, connecting for two. Bryan with
Yes Kicks to Orton's legs, but he misses the cross-corner dropkick
and lands awkwardly. Orton cradles Bryan for two, but Bryan reverses
to the Yes Lock! Orton literally CARRIES Bryan to the ropes. Orton
bails, and Bryan's dive connects this time. Bryan is PUMPED UP,
throwing Orton into the timekeeper area and following with his
dropkick. Back in, Bryan with a missile dropkick and kip-up as the
crowd goes bonkers. Yes Kicks proper follow, but the exclamation
point misses and Orton goes low... for the DQ at 24:58? BOOOOOOOO!
****1/2 You end the
match like THAT? But wait, here comes John Cena to the ring at full
sprint, tackling Orton and going to town on him, tossing him out. He
checks on Bryan, but that allows Orton to return and RKO Cena. Orton
cradles his belts as he goes to leave the ring before holding them
high. We end with Orton celebrating and both Bryan and Cena down and
out.
FINAL
THOUGHTS:
Okay,
I criticize because I love. And the one thing this show had was
long, good matches. It culminated in a beautiful main event that had
me thinking it could have been the best since the London Marathon of
2007... until the DQ finish. I understand they shouldn't give away
the ending for free there, so in that regard it was the right call,
but it doesn't change that I was INTO that match and felt cheated by
the ending.
I'm
going to say it now: WWE needs to go with these two as the main event
of WrestleMania 30. I don't know if they realize it yet, but tonight
should've been the clue. You'll have a chance for the best main event
of Mania since Michaels/Taker II, and even though Cena/Bryan is the
match many would love, the momentum is with these two. I'm certain
we're headed that way, and if we are, they have my money.
Elsewhere,
all the matches were either good, long matches or did what they had
to do. Even the Divas match wasn't as bad as we've seen from them in
the past, and it continued the idea that AJ needs Tamina to have that
title. It seems to be moving to AJ/Tamina at Mania where AJ finally
gets unseated, and there's nothing wrong with that either.
Yes,
there was 50/50 booking, and Fandango/Ziggler stuck out like a sore
thumb amidst the rest. Overall, I'm willing to forgive that match
and consider this a very good Raw. The road to WrestleMania is upon
us, and it looks like we finally have an endgame in sight.
STATS:
MATCH
TIME: 80:30 over seven matches (average match time: 11:30)
BEST
MATCH: Bryan/Orton
WORST
MATCH: Brodus' heel turn
NIGHT
MVP (kayfabe): Yikes, this is a toughie, but I'll say Big Show.
FINAL
SCORE: 9. Very little to hate about this show, especially after an
epic main event.
Though
I'm sure Scott will find something to be cynical about when he
watches Raw Lite. Hopefully, Tommy will have a good SmackDown to set
him in a good mood. I'll be back in seven days to recap A Very Raw
Christmas. In the meantime, remember what Princess said about
passion? The main event HAD IT.
I didn't mind the ending at all to be honest.
ReplyDeleteIt reinforces the fact that Orton STILL has no proven he can beat Bryan.
It reinforces that Orton will do whatever it takes to keep the championship.
The RKO to Cena to end the show was a great touch to keep Orton's credibility - because it very clearly reminds us of the difference between a weak champion (bad) and a strong champion that can't beat ONE PARTICULAR GUY.
Basically, Bryan = Orton's kryptonite is the take-away from the match. Orton can beat the biggest name in the business clean as a sheet for the titles, but he can't beat Bryan.
That said... WTF ever happened to ref bumps? Time was, if you wanted to end match with a level of definiteness but keep the door open to continue the feud, you had the ref get bumped, the heel would cheat with a chair-shot, or low-blow or whatever, then get the 3-count when the ref 'woke up'.
That way, the heel had credibility and could claim 'I beat you!' and the face could turn around and say 'you needed a chain to get the job done'. It provided enough grey area to where both guys had a claim to be the better man, and another match needed to take place to sort things out. Plus the crowd went home satisfied cause they got a 3-count, however tainted.
I'll co-sign as being fine with the ending. Usually hate the low blow DQ after an epic match, but it made sense in the context here.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Crisisinthewoods; the ending made total sense. Anyways, this was an easy ****+ match. Slow build, limb psychology and bat-shit crazy down the stretch Its formula and structure reminded of one of Bryan's classical ROH matches.
ReplyDeleteSo, basically, their answer to Bryan's popularity is to have Cena also be a fan of Bryan, while turning Bryan into his latest Zack Ryder, so ideally everyone who likes Bryan will not like Cena because he likes Bryan to? Jesus fucking Christ.
ReplyDeleteI disagree. The ending only makes sense if it's a title match, and Orton needs to make a strategic retreat. In a non-title match, there's no need to bail out; a DQ loss in this context is the same as a pinfall or submission, so might as well keep trying to actually win.
ReplyDeleteOrton couldn't beat Bryan, so he low-blowed him. It proves Bryan is still on Orton's level. It extends the feud with neither to take a loss, and makes Orton look more like a chicken-shit heel. I'm fine with it.
ReplyDeleteI agree with both of you here. I think there was logic to it in "Orton can't beat Bryan clean and he knows it", but you're right too...it would have made wayyyyy more sense if it was a title match.
ReplyDeleteI'm fine with it, but I'm not totally clear on why this wasn't a title match, especially when it's what John Cena was pushing for at the beginning of the show. I actually thought it WAS a title match until the main event was starting, because Orton was so upset about having to fight Bryan, I assumed he was upset at having to defend the title, not "wrestle a match".
Another thing that's hurting Orton....
ReplyDeleteVince owns the WWF, and Bishoff is in control of WCW during the nWo era. And they both cower to and kiss the ass of the Rock and Hollywood Hogan. Those are their chosen guys and when they're forced to make a decision they won't like they're begging them to understand why or trust them....
Where the Authority is clearly the dominant one in the Orton alliance. Orton's the champion but at their mercy.
Wait. So you want WWE to main event WM with Orton-Bryan, a match we got for two Raw main events, and three PPV main events that did horrendous buyrates in the past six months? And you're certain we're heading that way? Do I have that right?
ReplyDeleteWell considering the odds of that being the Main Event in terms of the match on top is slim, I figure why not.
ReplyDeletethis year rock cena
ReplyDelete...You win this round.
ReplyDeleteBut did it need the belt?
I'm just saying odds are the WM ME won't involve the strap unless they're officially shooting the rocket up Bryan's ass, going, Cena v. Bryan, Taker v. Brock, and who knows what else.
Punk should main event this year because he didn't when he should have last year and WWE logic states he deserves to now.
ReplyDeleteBryan finally getting his big win over Orton would make perfect sense from a storytelling perspective, but since when has that ever stopped WWE? If they were going that route they wouldn't have wrestled another 25 minutes tonight. The match ended ambiguously to set up the Orton-Bryan-Cena triple threat at Royal Rumble. And Bryan's only there to eat the pin, either from Orton or Cena, so as to keep the other strong for WM. After those buyrates, they're not putting Orton-Bryan anywhere near their biggest show of the year, even if it's fourth from the top. Sorry, man.
ReplyDeleteDidn't he already clearly show he can defeat Orton?
ReplyDeleteI'm confused about someone *finally* enjoying a 15-minute Mark Henry match. He's been bringing the goods for two years now.
ReplyDeleteAnd how many of those matches were given that much time? Almost none. He doesn't have the stamina to last that long.
ReplyDeleteYeah, but he didn't get that signature win on PPV for the title. He beat Orton clean on Raw before SummerSlam, but never since. Then it was Dusty finish after Dusty finish, and Orton coming out on top at the end of their feud. In a more basic sense, Orton still hasn't been brought to justice, and Bryan still hasn't gotten his revenge.
ReplyDeleteBut just because storytelling demands that happen doesn't mean WWE will observe it. That's their MO when it comes to the second class-main eventers like Bryan and Punk. They leave out act three. Because by their reasoning, simply by getting screwed by Orton and HHH for a few months Bryan is being elevated.
So let's say the WWE keeps the unified title unified at least through WM. And let's say the Rumble main event is an Orton/Cena/Bryan triple threat as it appears to be shaping up to be, with none of them entering the Rumble. Who wins the Rumble? I can't see it being Punk vs whomever the champion is at WM - too ordinary to be the one and only main title match. Reigns? Seems way too quick a push for him, and he's probably facing Ambrose anyway. Brock? The result at WM would be too obvious, with Brock losing. Same with HBK. Taker? No reason for that. HHH? Doesn't make sense for him to chase the title, rather than be the guy jobbing at Mania, if anything. Sheamus? Fuck me. Are we getting babyface Sheamus vs heel Orton at Mania with the crowd almost 100% behind Orton? I suppose the WWE could do the best thing and have Bryan with the Rumble instead of be stuck as the jobber in a triple threat on the show.
ReplyDeleteOrton/Cena with Cena fighting for Bryan's honor and Bryan declaring himself part of the Cenation or Chain Gang. WM. Book it and charge $164 for it.
ReplyDeleteSheamus vs Orton at Mania isn't 100% of the crowd cheering for Orton. It's 100% of the crowd chanting "JBL", "Mike Chioda", and "boring" for 20 minutes. That match would die the deadliest of deaths.
ReplyDeleteI e-mailed Scott the link, so there'll probably be a post for it shortly. In the meantime, I'll toss the link here. This is the first part of a multi-part article on my attempts to get into the pro-wrestling business. This one is more of a prologue, talking about growing up on wrestling, beating up stuffed animals in my basement, and some (in retrospect, pretty idiotic) backyard wrestling in my college days.
ReplyDeleteDo have a look, if you'd like.
http://nickpiers.wordpress.com/2013/12/17/bump-in-the-road-part-1-prologue-backyard-wrestling/
Why cant the main event of WM just be a battle royal? Its never been done before and everybody on the roster can say they main evented Wrestlemania, hell, you could even throw Jake Roberts in there too....
ReplyDeleteAnything, and I mean ANYTHING, is better than a bullshit fed-up-heel-walks-out countout victory.
ReplyDeleteBecause it would suck? Seriously though, the mere existence of the Rumble PPV match negates this concept entirely.
ReplyDeleteThis year?
ReplyDeleteHe beat Orton at Night of Champions.
ReplyDeleteI don't think there's any doubt either Punk or Bryan are winning the Rumble this year. They COULD give it to Brock, it's a way to keep him relevant while at the same time not having him appear very much, but I doubt they'll do it.
ReplyDeleteBattle Royals are good for opening matches or a TV match to set up something else. That's it.
ReplyDeleteSarcasm just never gets through on the net these days.....
ReplyDeleteIt's been done at World War 3. That's good enough forever.
ReplyDeleteWW3 and WM are two different animals but it was a joke....
ReplyDelete...although it would leave more time for a One Direction or Miley concert...
THREADJACK!~
ReplyDeleteWhy the hell does Peter Gabriel have to be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame twice?
The Ric Flair of Rock, he is not.
You're star ratings skew about a half star too high but otherwise I'm starting to really like your reviews.This was well done.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, sarcasm just never gets through...
ReplyDeleteThe man did great work in Genesis and had a solid solo career too. He also has a bunch of humanitarian stuff on his resume that certainly helps....
ReplyDelete...and he certainly isnt the Ric Flair of Rock, Im fairly certain he still has money and dignity....
As somebody nearing 4000 comments, kind of odd that a WM main evented by a battle royal comment would be taken seriously....
ReplyDelete...oh TAG......
(Tensai is dead after getting splashed 52 times) "HEY, EVERYBODY, IT'S TIME TO DANCE!"
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, and all of this HBK foreshadowing has to be leading to a match of some sort. Or they're stupid, either way.
ReplyDeleteYeah, its going to be punk/Orton at wrestlemania. They'd be wrestling rumble othereise, as punk/Orton for the title would be an obvious ppv main event at the mo.
ReplyDeleteHe is excellent and he deserves it.
ReplyDeleteI just can't ignore a potential HHH vs Punk match up.
ReplyDeleteI'm assuming that they want the Rumble title match to be Bryan/Orton/Cena because WWE likes to always add the hot thing into their bland PPV title pictures, Either way, I'd be excited for it, it could be an excellent match up.
ReplyDeleteBro Clays turn was very Tugboat-esque
ReplyDeleteIn your eyes.
ReplyDeleteGenesis, yeah. But since when is "solid" good enough to get into a Hall of Fame not run by WWE?
ReplyDeleteTease the Orton-Cena-Bryan triple threat title match for Royal Rumble, but have the Wyatts take out Bryan a couple weeks, leaving Orton-Cena for the title. Orton wins through more chicanery, Bryan is a surprise entrant in the Rumble and wins it (eliminating some or all of the Wyatts to settle that feud), setting up Orton-Bryan for WrestleMania. Cena is confronted by Undertaker the night after the Rumble to begin their WM build, Punk gets HHH or HBK, and Lesnar gets Sheamus (who returns at the Rumble).
ReplyDeleteI only caught the main event and I loved it, finish and all. Yet, this is the only thing stuck in my head: Truth and Woods invite
ReplyDeletethe girls in for a dance, which Brodus hates, putting them in the
middle. They come in to dance with Truth and Woods anyway as Brodus
has been DUMPED, WWE style.
Why do they do this to me?
Triple H gets heat because he refused to let Kurt Angle steal Stephanie. Triple was dead on, you look like a fucking dork when you lose the girl.
ReplyDeleteThat was ridiculous, Albert should have got stretchered out while the announcers acted concerned.
ReplyDeleteWhy Punk/Orton? If the WWE refuses to do Cena-Undertaker (and it seems like they would rather do anything else), then the money match is Cena-Punk. The two of them always bring the goods and a WM main event would be a good way to cement the feud.
ReplyDeleteWait is the end of this post actually suggesting Bryan-Orton VIII as the main event of WM?
ReplyDelete