When last we left our heroes, their
paths were crossing left and right. Authorities were going both for
and against the popular opinion, while giants of men were ready to
face off... some for the first time in ages. So who's going to step
forward? Thirty men are about to enter with a shot at glory and
history; who is the one?
The live look-in reminds us that
Batista is making his grand return tonight, and that the Authority
will be back to open the show.
The PG Era Rant for Raw, January 20,
2014.
Live from Dayton, Ohio.
Your hosts are Bradshaw, Lawler, and
Cole.
We open with a tribute to Martin Luther
King and black history. Keep the Dream alive.
The Authority are in the ring to begin.
Stephanie pumps up the crowd, and HHH plays up the Rumble on Sunday.
Thirty men have a chance to main event WrestleMania. And they're
not wasting any time, as HHH welcomes back Batista... but before he
can finish the intro, Randy Orton comes out, storming his way to the
ring. Did they forget to remind HHH and Stephanie they were heels?
Orton cuts to the chase: who do you think you are? Stephanie echoes
the question back at Orton. This Sunday is the Rumble, and the WWE
Network is coming up. All eyes are on the company. And last week,
all eyes saw Orton beat up a helpless old man. We review the loss to
Kofi and the attack. Cena Sr. has a broken orbital bone and
dislocated jaw. Stephanie continues chewing Orton out and calls his
actions unbecoming of a champion. This is a new era, and you can't
do what you did in the past. And if you can't live with it, they'll
just take your title and fire you. Orton turns the tables and blames
the Authority. It's all because of the rematch. And HHH's reward
for being the Face of the Company is to bring back Brock Lesnar and
Batista? Really? Some faith they show. Especially since both men
have hidden ambitions. There wouldn't be a Network without him.
Crowd demands Batista. So, how is Randy Orton supposed to react to
being disrespected? Not that it matters, because he has no regrets.
HHH demands that Orton stop yelling. Orton is the champion – i.e.,
the Authority made him champion – because the Authority believes in
him and that he's the total package. They know Orton will survive
any obstacle in a way becoming of a champion. But Orton doesn't
believe it in himself, so now he's making bad decisions – you know,
like losing to Kofi. To be fair, losing to Kofi isn't a bad thing,
but why the hell didn't Orton make that right instead of hiding his
shortcomings by punching an old man? Yes, John Cena and Brock Lesnar
and Batista are looking at him to take his title, but he's good
enough to rise up and get past them. Orton needs to fix what is
broken, starting tonight when he gets a rematch with Kofi Kingston.
Orton will make it right. He then shows the wrestlers' entrance, and
he says that's where John Cena will enter. That camera is there so
that Orton knows when Cena will enter so that he can make it right.
And Orton will do them alone. And then, Batista's music hits! And
here he is. Machine gun pyro and all. Including the spotlight
entrance. Stephanie is applauding Batista. Heck, HHH is practically
leading the chants. Guys, you're the VILLAINS. Batista kisses the
mat, then hugs the Authority. HHH and Stephanie leave, but Orton
stays behind. Orton offers a handshake to Batista, but Batista won't
return it. Batista says he hears Orton has some questions about his
comeback. Batista simply says he's back for the title. Some things
never change. He doesn't care who he has to beat, because he's back
for the Rumble, back to win, and back to be the Champ and headline
WrestleMania. “So DEAL WITH IT!” Batista walks off as Orton is
left sulking in the ring.
Later tonight, Big Show and Brock
Lesnar will face off. And John Cena is fashionably late. But first,
Big E Langston teams with the Brothers Rhodes to face the Shield,
NEXT.
WARNING: RANT TIME.
Okay – I'm an Orton fan. Maybe the
last one left. And to see him go from all-powerful heel who can
destroy anyone he feels like to this whipped toy is disgusting. Why
should I, as a fan, care if Orton loses or wins now? Why should I
give him any effort? He's nothing but a puppet of others with no
backbone of his own. Remember the Orton of 2009 who became the
hottest heel in the industry? The one who would have cold-cocked HHH
during Batista's entrance and destroyed the returning hero to send a
statement? The one who attacks a fan – even if it is John Cena's
dad – because he's uncontrollable AND talented? Whatever happened
to that guy?
Oh, and another thing: why are HHH and
Stephanie the good guys all of a sudden? Are we supposed to forget
that they took our hero and shoveled dirt on him every chance they
got? Just because Daniel Bryan got sidetracked by the Wyatts doesn't
change a thing – for three months, HHH personally buried (on
camera, mind you – this isn't a smark comment) everything Bryan
stood for. The end result right now, in kayfabe, is that Bryan is,
in fact, not a main eventer, so HHH is right. He ruined the fans'
choice, and now he not only gets no consequence, he acts like a face
by treating Orton poorly. Who wins with this sequence, besides a man
who never wrestles?
Rant over.
John Cena is still not here.
MATCH ONE: Big E Langston & Cody
Rhodes & Goldust vs. The Shield.
First, we learn that the Brothers
Rhodes will face the New Age Outlaws on the Royal Rumble kickoff for
the Tag Team titles.
Ambrose and Langston start, and Ambrose
gets a flurry with a headbutt before getting tackled down. Rollins
in, but he runs into a press slam from Langston. Goldust in next,
and he works Rollins's arm only to get caught in a neutral corner.
Goldust recovers with a back body drop and kneeling uppercut.
Inverted atomic drop and running kick follow, getting two. Cody in,
and they work the arm before Cody gets a stalling front suplex for
two. Cody works the arm on Rollins as the announcers say what I did:
Orton's in a bad way. Goldust back in, and a running elbowdrop gets
one. Back to Cody, who continues the arm work. Rollins recovers
with a kick to the head and works him over in the corner, but Cody
with the Brisco rollup for two. Sliding punch follows, and the Holly
low kick, but the Disaster Kick misses as Rollins bails. So Cody
gets a springboard plancha instead. The two sides face off as we go
to break. We return with Reigns working a headlock on Cody, who
fights out of it only to get knocked over. Ambrose in, then Rollins,
and it's dropkicks from everyone for two. Rollins kicks away on Cody
and works him over in the corner, but a Stinger Splash airballs.
Reigns cuts off the hot tag and knocks Goldust away. Cody flips out
of a back suplex and nails Reigns with the Disaster Kick. Ambrose
tags in, but Langston gets the hot tag and goes clothesline happy,
adding a Greco-Roman throw and clothesline to Reigns. Langston
floors Ambrose again, getting the Big Ending set up, but Rollins
breaks it up. Goldust dives onto Rollins, but a blind charge by
Langston eats Ambrose's boot. Ambrose dives into an overhead suplex,
and the Ultimate Splash follows, Reigns saves. Cody's Disaster Kick
is intercepted by the Superman Punch, and Goldust gets speared by
Reigns. But Langston floors Reigns, only for Ambrose to get the knee
to the gut. Ambrose with a leaping Rocker Dropper kick for the pin
at 10:40. **3/4 Big win
for Rollins. They make a big deal out of the Disaster Kick /
Superman Punch collision.
We
now look back on the ending to last week's Raw, as Daniel Bryan gets
just what he always wanted – Bray Wyatt all alone – and takes
advantage. The best part about this is that Daniel Bryan didn't
attack when Bray TOLD him to, instead waiting for the opportunity HE
wanted. Up next, Daniel Bryan will talk about his character arc.
WWE
Network debuts February 24.
Everyone's
chanting YES, so Daniel Bryan must be in the house. The crowd loves
this guy. “And some people say I shouldn't be the Face of this
company.” Nice. He says he's been getting questions about whether
he had a plan when he joined the Wyatts. Crowd thinks he does. To
take down a guy with a Messiah Complex, you have to take out his mind
games. To do that, he had to do things he wasn't proud of. He
couldn't say what he was doing. He took punishment. And he had to
stand next to Bray Wyatt, a man he hates. But it was all worth it to
get That One Moment. Because last week was what he wanted: Bray
Wyatt one on one. Follow the Buzzards? Daniel Bryan doesn't follow
anyone. Last week, he WAS the buzzard chewing on Bray's carcass.
This is for Bray: you want to talk fate? Daniel Bryan exposed him.
Bryan was told right before he came out, Harper and Rowan would be in
the Rumble Match. Nothing wrong with that, because it leaves Bray
and Bryan to go one-on-one! YES! But before we get too excited, the
Wyatts turn out the lights and talk to Bryan. “A man who does die
for something is not fit to live.” Treason is a sin of the highest
order. Bray was not exposed, Bryan was. Only a coward would use his
freedom to return to the cage. The animals rewarded Daniel Bryan
during the beating, but all he was was a traitor. The sheep – his
words – look up to him because they chose to kneel. Bray tells
Bryan to go home and love his family... and apologize to his mother,
because everything that happens to him is his fault. The fans are
trying to drown out the promo with a Daniel Bryan chant. That was...
so well-timed. Even in accelerated form, this feud is making stars
out of both men.
MATCH
TWO: Fandango vs. Xavier Woods
R-Truth
will be on commentary.
Fandango
attacks Woods to start, but Woods gets a tilt-a-whirl headscissors
and punches away. Headbutt follows, then a discus punch. Running
dropkick follows, but Woods misses a bodypress and Fandango gets a
suplex. He goes up top, nailing the legdrop for the pin at 1:07.
Emma's in the crowd. Lawler thinks her dance is the Hokey Pokey.
The most entertaining part of this is R-Truth referring to Cole as
“Mike Snow”.
We
flash back to SmackDown and CM Punk's career suicide. Cut to
backstage, as Kane and Maddox argue over who thought of Batista's
return. Stephanie enters and asks Maddox to leave before chewing out
Kane over his actions Friday. Bad enough to have Randy Orton attack
John Cena's dad, but this? Stephanie knew that Kane in the Authority
was a risk, and Kane has to lead by example. Stephanie then cuts
Kane off and informs him in no uncertain terms he can't attack a
Superstar, no matter what they say. Kane reluctantly understands and
apologizes. Stephanie says he needs to go apologize to Punk himself
instead. Kane starts to protest, but MCMAHON POWER causes him to
give in. This whole thing, combined with the stuff with Orton
earlier, basically demands a mutiny.
More
about Martin Luther King. This is a reminder that WCW had more black
champions than the WWE has had.
Kane
heads to the ring, swallowing his pride as he does. We recap last
Friday's action before Kane talks to Punk and asks him to come out.
Punk emerges (“Well, apparently it's Apology Time!”) and
smirkingly walks to the ring. Punk has a microphone in Pipebomb
position, ready to attack, but Kane quietly rattles off an apology,
which the Universe goes WHAT to. Punk wants him to repeat it,
claiming he didn't hear it. Kane repeats it (“WHAT?”), but the
fans want him to say it One More Time. Punk instead attacks Kane,
who was ordered not to attack back as you recall. Brad Maddox orders
Kane not to return fire, and allows Punk to have a fight... but not
against Kane. Instead, it's against one of the Outlaws. By virtue
of Rock-Paper-Scissors, it looks like Billy Gunn will go at it.
MATCH
THREE: CM Punk v. Billy Gunn
Punk
attacks at the sound of the bell, driving his shoulder into Gunn's
gut. He hammer throws Gunn across the ring, and Gunn bails. Punk
follows to the outside and throws Gunn into the apron before looking
at Road Dogg. Gunn takes advantage and fights back, throwing Punk
into the apron as we go to break. We return with Punk chopping Gunn
and getting a sleeper, but Gunn suplexes out of it. He gets one, and
we HIT THE CHINLOCK. Cole notes how convenient their tag team title
match is, but JBL yells at him. Punk fights out of the chinlock, but
runs into a dropkick. It eventually gets two. Gunn removes the
shirt and throws it, but Punk gets a roundhouse to send Gunn out of
the ring. Punk seems to wind up, but instead he takes out Dogg on
the other side of the ring. Then he barks at JBL. Back in, a leg
lariat follows as Punk floors Gunn repeatedly, leading to the
inside-out neckbreaker for two. Punk mocks DX before getting the
running knee and attacking Dogg again, but Gunn with the tilt-a-whirl
slam for two. Dear me, Gunn looks old. Blind charge misses as Gunn
hits the post and Punk goes up, but Dogg pulls Gunn out of the way.
Punk dives onto Dogg just to prove a point, and Gunn clotheslines
Punk on the outside. Gunn goes for the Rocker Dropper but misses,
and Punk gets GTS for the pin at 8:57. **
But before we can go anywhere, Brad Maddox re-emerges... and Kane
tells him to leave. He tells Punk that he will prove he's the best
in the world because Punk will be handed the #1 spot in the Rumble.
Cole calls it pure spite, but hey, maybe Punk shouldn't have attacked
Kane, who was incapable of fighting back, remember? The same thing
Orton got in trouble for?
Hey,
someone's here! It's... oh, it's Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman!
He'll face off with Big Show later.
It's
time to look at the statistics of the Royal Rumble. I love these –
it makes the match seem important. 208,993 pounds of humanity has
taken part. 25 different nations have taken part. 39 Hall of Famers
have been in the match. Austin has won 3 times – a record. 9
Superstars have won on the first try. Brock at age 25 is the
youngest ever to win. 1 and 30 have won the same number of times.
Thus far, the odds are in favor of the Rumble winner for winning the
Championship.
The
announcers give an appreciation of Mae Young, as we get a tribute
video narrated by Stephanie.
MATCH
FOUR: Rey Mysterio v. Alberto Del Rio.
Yes,
again. This is being played as the rubber match, as we see Del Rio
wasn't too thrilled at losing on Friday. Rey's arm is bandaged from
Friday.
ADR
doesn't want to wait for the bell, but gets shooed back to his
corner. ADR with a headlock, and a takedown, but Rey reverses and
it's a standoff. Round two starts much the same, but ADR adds a
shoulderblock before kicking Rey and covering for one. Rey with a
stomp to avoid a monkey flip, and a soccer kick gets two. ADR with a
Hotshot and he stomps away, but he does his through-the-ropes bump
missing a dropkick. Rey follows with a quebrada. Back in, Rey kicks
away in the corner, and a baseball slide splits the uprights. Rey
with a ten punch countalong, but ADR reverses a complicated series of
events into a guillotine stomp. ADR keeps up the attack, hanging Rey
from the apron and kicking him in the head. Back in, ADR gets an
axhandle off the top for two. We go to the chinlock, but Rey fights
out only to run into tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. ADR sets Rey
up and delivers his step-up kick to Rey's back before choking away.
Rey fights back, but ADR sends him out on the rock-skipper bump as we
go to break. We return with ADR sending Rey into the steps, and back
in, he gets two. We go to the top as ADR tries to rip the mask off,
but Rey keeps it on while falling into the Tree of Woe. ADR punches
away on Rey, who escapes and goes outside to re-adjust the mask and
regroup. ADR catches him and wraps him around the ringpost in a
bow-and-arrow style hold. Back in, it gets... nothing, because Rey's
shoulder wasn't down. Rey fires back, but ADR throws him into the
steel post on a blind charge. ADR puts Rey on the top and kicks away
at a hung-up Mysterio, but his charge misses and ADR hits the post
too. Rey climbs the rest of the way up, getting a body attack on ADR
for the double KO. Rey spins ADR around on a tilt-a-whirl, stopping
an ADR charge and going back up. Seated senton connects, but Rey
rolls through a sunset flip and kicks ADR for two. Rey tries
something, but counters a counter to throw ADR into the ropes. ADR
catches the 619 and catapults Rey into the corner, getting the low
superkick for two. ADR is upset, but calls for the armbar. Rey
escapes, and the electric chair turns into a 619. Rey goes up top,
and the falling splash... gets two as ADR grabs the ropes. Now Rey
is upset. He goes back up, favoring the arm, but his attempt at
whatever ends in a faceplant by ADR. Cross armbreaker ends it at
14:46. Started disjointed and slow but got better as it went on.
**1/4 But ADR
doesn't get much time to celebrate because Batista is out to confront
him. The glasses come off as the two yell at each other. Or,
rather, ADR yells and Batista stares at him. ADR goes to attack, but
just runs into a spinebuster. Vintage! (Take a drink) And the
Batista Bomb follows. Some things never change. And one of them is
that the returning superstar gets fed someone when he returns.
Meanwhile,
Big Show is in the building. He and Brock Lesnar will face off next.
Another
quote from Martin Luther King. Would now be an inappropriate time to
mention Vince McMahon dropped the N word on Pay-Per-View right in
front of Booker T and never suffered consequences?
Big
Show is headed to the ring as we see him toss Brock around for the
hundredth time. Show calls Sunday the biggest fight of his life,
then imitates Paul Heyman. Badly. Despite what the announcers say.
Brock is a beast and the WWE's most dangerous man. But Show doesn't
like him. So since Heyman promised that Brock Lesnar would be here
today, Show calls him out. Instead, Heyman emerges alone. Heyman
threatens to talk, but just stares at Show and looks to the back...
as Brock emerges. Brock and Heyman head to the ring. As they
approach ringside, though, they laugh and walk away, with Show not
being worth their time. As they head to the back, Show demands a
microphone and calls him out AGAIN, this time more forcefully. Brock
comes back out, smirk on his face, and saying “Oh, you want me?”
He pauses at the same spot he left last time, this time taking a step
or two forward. He gets to the steps, climbs them, and enters the
ring. The two are face-to-face now, talking to each other, and Brock
spits on Show. Brock charges, but Show's too big to take down and
Show takes him down. Show gets caught in the corner and Brock throws
shoulder shots, but Show grabs and throws Brock over the top. Brock
rips up the announcers' table in disgust before getting a chair
and... beating up the table some more. He takes that chair and
slides in, but Show steps on the chair and steals it. Brock knows
better than to enter now, and Heyman talks him down. You think
Heyman regrets not having Ryback and Curtis Axel now? Brock and Show
keep yelling at each other as Brock walks back up the aisle to
thunderous boos. They promise to take each other out on Sunday.
Brock needs to win.
Coming
up later: Randy Orton rematches with Kofi Kingston. Meanwhile, John
Cena still hasn't shown up.
MATCH
FIVE: AJ Lee and Tamina Snuka v. The Funkadactyls
Tamina
has cake icing on her jacket because Wade Barrett crashed AJ's
Longest Reigning Champion celebration. His bad news: Everyone hates
her. AJ responded by breaking down in tears, screeching, and
throwing her cake at Josh Mathews. And missing. You'd see that if
you had the WWE App. Or if you caught the recap. JBL is obsessed
with funk being on a roll.
Cameron
starts off with Tamina, who smashes her around. She stomps Cameron
down and gets a slam. She rips her hair down and tags in AJ, who
gets a swinging neckbreaker for two. She goes TO THE CHINLOCK, then
throws Cameron down by the hair. Tamina tags herself in and punches
away at Cameron, adding knee smashes. Blind charge hits boot, hot
tag Naomi. Flip clothesline and rana to Tamina. Back elbow off the
second rope follows, and another dropkick, but she runs into a big
boot. AJ tags in, because of course she does, and skips around
Naomi... but skips right into a small package for the pin at 2:28.
Naomi, I'm afraid I have some bad news: you're jobbing at the Rumble!
3/4* AJ throws
another scream tantrum.
We
look back at the beginning of the show.
Up
next, it's the Usos against Harper and Rowan.
This
just in: the WWE Network is awesome.
Another
look at the numbers of the Royal Rumble. 753 people have been
eliminated in its history. Shawn Michaels holds the record for most
eliminations at 39. Kane is second at 37 over a record 14 Rumbles,
including a record 11 in one match. 455,107 is the combined
attendance of all Rumble shows. The longest run is Rey Mysterio 2006
at 62:12. The shortest is Warlord from 1989 at 2 seconds... until
Santino topped it in 2009 at 1 second.
In
addition to the Rumble match: Big Show will face Brock Lesnar;
Daniel Bryan goes against Bray Wyatt; and John Cena gets his rematch
against Randy Orton. I assume AJ/Naomi will be added.
The
announcers introduce another MLK video package. Because Vince
believes that people are more than their race and doesn't have to
resort to stereotypes, right?
MATCH
SIX: The Usos v. Luke Harper and Erick Rowan.
But
before we get there, let's have an ad break during intros for the
Usos. And I swear, this is not a commentary on the Usos being a
racial stereotype. Also, we find out that on SmackDown, it'll be
Rey/Show against Swagger/Cesaro. Honestly, that match could be at
Mania. Not even joking.
No
entrance for the Wyatts – they're just at ringside. Harper starts
for the Family against Jimmy. Harper pounds away and uppercuts Jimmy
repeatedly. Rowan tags in and removes the mask, adding forearm
smashes. Rowan rough-houses Jimmy down and stomps away. Rowan dumps
Jimmy and tags Harper, who drops to the floor and chops... the post.
Jimmy fires back on the outside with a superkick and tags in Jey, who
dives off the apron onto Harper. He punches away on Harper and
throws him into the apron. Back in, Jey kicks Harper and staggers
him. A slugfest breaks out, but Jimmy tags himself in and Jey sends
a drop toe hold into Jimmy's uppercut. Jimmy with a bodypress, Rowan
saves. Rowan throws Jimmy and claws Jey into the ropes. Harper
boots Jimmy and covers for two. Harper picks Jimmy up and chops him,
tagging in Rowan. Rowan drops a knee and slams Jimmy. He goes for
the SGT SLAUGHTER DOUBLE NOOGIE OF DEATH on Jimmy, who fights his way
to his feet only to get thrown down. Back to the big squeeze. Rowan
switches to a neck crank. He fights down Jimmy, adding a forearm to
cut off a rally, and boot chokes him while tagging Harper in.
Elbowdrop gets two. Blind charge hits the foot, and Jimmy goes up,
but Harper throws him into the barricade from the ring as we go to
break. We return with both men going for a tag, but Rowan with a
Northern lariat to Jimmy to stop everything. Harper back in, and he
goes to the Gator Roll into a headlock. Jimmy fights out, but Harper
crushes Jimmy in the ropes. A guillotine follows as Bray has a
microphone. Harper goes back to a headlock as Bray claims Bryan will
be facing this punishment at the Rumble. Bryan will enter a meat
grinder, because the Family are the Reapers and Bryan will be in
Hell. Meanwhile, the headlock continues, but Jimmy tries to fight
both off, getting a twisting senton on Harper after knocking Rowan
down. Hot tag to Jey, who flattens both men in turn and gets a
middle kick and kneeling uppercut. Samoan Drop follows to Harper,
and then the Rikishi Hip Check. Another superkick to Rowan for good
measure, and the Usos dive onto both men on opposite sides of the
ring... except Jey is nailed by Harper before takeoff. Harper runs
into a kick and Jey goes up, leaping over Harper only to be caught
with a Michinoku Driver for two. Daniel Bryan emerges and smashes
Bray six ways from Sunday, adding a kick to Rowan to good measure as
the ref sees nothing. Harper tries to intervene, but Jey catches him
with a rollup for the pin at 12:32. I demand a three-on-three
Chamber match! ***1/4
This gets extra love for the ending. I don't just mean the hot
finish and the crowd chanting along; Bray's creepy smile just adds to
it.
Anyone
seen John Cena yet? Man, I wish my job allowed me to show up at my
line of work 15 minutes before closing time.
Our
main event is Randy Orton against Kofi Kingston.
The
Rumble kickoff match is a Tag Team title match: Cody and Dustin
against the Outlaws. In addition, Ric Flair, Shawn Michaels, and Jim
Duggan will discuss the show as the pre-show panel.
MATCH
SEVEN: Kofi Kingston v. Randy Orton
As a
reminder, this is a rematch from last week. And hey, Vince has a
black man main event the Raw on Martin Luther King day. Progress!
Or something.
Orton
goes nuts on Kofi to start, working him over in the corner and
getting a back elbow for one. He looks to the back for Cena, which
allows Kofi a takedown and right hands. Orton bails out, and Kofi
follows him to keep the fight up on the outside. Into the barricade,
and back in... and Orton bails again. This time, Kofi runs into a
back kick, then Orton bounces Kofi's head off the table. Repeatedly.
Back in, Orton gets one. Orton looks to the back AGAIN, then stomps
away on Kofi's legs. Kofi shocks Orton and kicks away, landing his
own Superman Punch in the corner for two. Orton throws Kofi into the
middle corner as a counter. He taunts Cena in absentia before
stalking Kofi... who kicks away with the advantage. Orton cuts him
off with a knee, then gets a suplex. Orton calls out Cena, then
picks Kofi up and gets caught with a backslide for one. He
clotheslines Kofi for two. Orton keeps looking to the back in case
you didn't get the inherent story here. Orton goes for the Draping
DDT, but Kofi counters to the SOS (just like last week) for two.
Orton steamrolls Kofi in response and works him over in the corner.
Oh, hey, Cena finally showed up! Orton sees it and waits for Cena,
which allows Kofi time to recover with a single-leg try. And now
Cena appears, and with Kofi's help, Orton is trapped. Cena goes nuts
on Orton and throws him into the post, then the crowd. (Yes, Kofi
was DQ'd at 5:09, but he doesn't care. In fact, he's cheering Cena
on.) Cena pursues him into the mezzanine and throws him into a
handrail. Orton keeps trying to escape, but Cena follows and beats
him up some more. Cena loads him up, but the AA on the concrete is
avoided as Orton escapes. Cena is in Terminator-like pursuit up the
stairs, keeping the fight up. Cena keeps beating the tar out of
Orton, but Orton lands an elbow and races to a luxury box. Orton
throws a fan into Cena to get separation and heads for the exit.
Cena keeps following him as Orton finds his getaway car and races
off. Cena looks around in frustration, having allowed Orton to get
away. Commentary believes Orton just jumped in the nearest van.
Cena heads back to the arena entrance and high-fives the crowd as his
music plays. Call the whole thing **1/2,
including the post-match beatdown since that was clearly meant to be
a part of the story.
FINAL
THOUGHTS:
I'm a
little bit disappointed there wasn't more focus on the Rumble Match
itself. That's always been the draw of the January show, but there
was no “I'm winning it; no I'M winning it” segment. I was
especially looking forward to the massive brawl that always
highlights this show. Instead, the focus was more scattershot.
Randy Orton goes in with no momentum, and it appears that CM Punk is
the Rumble favorite because he's the only one who got any Rumble
story. Maybe that's okay, I don't know.
Sorry,
I'm a little distracted at this point. The show after Raw was Friday
Night Tykes. Youth football... I hate this idea. You shouldn't
begin football until ninth grade. And when I have kids... okay, IF I
have kids... they won't do football until then. So let's just move
on to the next segment.
HOW
I'D BOOK IT:
Time
to look on the Rumble and see what I'd do. Because it's my column.
- Cody and Goldust defeat the Outlaws when Dustin pins Dogg.
- Daniel Bryan beats Bray Wyatt by DQ when Harper and Rowan intervene. The Usos make the save.
- Brock Lesnar pins Big Show.
- Randy Orton defeats John Cena to retain the WWE Title.
- AJ retains the Divas' Title after beating Naomi when Cameron's attempt to counter Tamina's interference goes awry. This is of course assuming that Vince watches Total Divas and wants to make an angle out of it.
- And in the Royal Rumble...
...you
know what? I'll be back Saturday with my in-depth booking of the
Royal Rumble 2014. How's that for a teaser?
STATS:
MATCH
TIME: 55:39 in seven matches
BEST
MATCH: Usos/Family
WORST
MATCH: Fandango/Woods
NIGHT
MVP: Naomi
FINAL
RATING: Meh, 4/10.
I'll
be back Saturday with my booking of the 2014 Royal Rumble. I fully
expect you all to eviscerate it or tell me I'm an idiot. In the
meantime, Scott and Tommy will keep the new material train rolling.
Let's get ready to Rumble!
Wtf was that ending to Raw? Man, they took all the heat from last week and did....nothing?
ReplyDeleteOdd go-home show that made me less interested in ordering the show. I was on the fence last week with the Bryan stuff that got me pumped, but I'm not wasting money on this show at this point I think.
You get it as part of the network for free in a month anyway. I can wait....
ReplyDeleteIf Bryan is facing Bray one-on-one, does this mean he's not in the Rumble? Cause.... that would be stupid.
ReplyDeleteThe six man was good, Bryan is OK, bad news Barrett was a highlight and the lesnar vs big show segment was great. They tried for something crazy at the end, it came up short but whatever. And Batista vs Del Rio will be a fun program.
ReplyDelete"Okay – I'm an Orton fan. Maybe the last one left. And to see him go from all-powerful heel who can destroy anyone he feels like to this whipped toy is disgusting. Why should I, as a fan, care if Orton loses or wins now? Why should I give him any effort? He's nothing but a puppet of others with no backbone of his own. Remember the Orton of 2009 who became the hottest heel in the industry? The one who would have cold-cocked HHH during Batista's entrance and destroyed the returning hero to send a statement? The one who attacks a fan – even if it is John Cena's dad – because he's uncontrollable AND talented? Whatever happened to that guy?"
ReplyDeleteYou're not the last one left. I'm an Orton fan too. After losing interest in wrestling for awhile, it was actually the psychotic heel Orton character that got me watching again. It was the character who responded to losing the title to Batista by interrupting his victory promo, walking to the ring with a look in his eyes like he was going to maim somebody, breaking his fucking arm, and then taking the title back in a 4-way match the next week.
Yes, I realize there was behind the scenes context for that booking decision (Batista was throwing a tantrum, then he got injured), but the fact was, people bought that sequence of events completely because of what Orton have built himself up to be through taking out the Mcmahons and HHH with methodical efficiency and vindictive rage.
There were so many ways for them to handle this Orton/Authority angle if they just had a hint of foresight and the common sense to establish and maintain a hint of character consistency.
What's the full card anyways?
ReplyDeleteHow do you figure WCW had more black champions than WWF/E? WCW had Ron Simmons and Booker T. WWF/E had Booker T, Rock, Mark Henry. They also had Tony Atlas and Rocky Johnson as tag champions in the late 70s/early 80s.
ReplyDeleteThis is the show that officially put WWF back on the map. it's up there with Backlash 2000, WrestleMania x7, and SummerSlam '98 later that year in terms of "home run" shows that accomplish everything needed and blows off all of the storylines properly.
ReplyDeleteYou forgot to mention how the African American wrestlers were 1-3 tonight, on MLK Day!
ReplyDeleteReally gonna crucify Vince for saying "My nigga" as a joke?
ReplyDeleteI think I put Bray over Bryan at Rumble. He needs it more and it wouldn't hurt Bryan.
ReplyDeleteThis show was in Dayton Ohio? Sheeeiiittt, no wonder why it sucked.
ReplyDeleteWhy would it mean that?
ReplyDeleteHonestly, it was the way Bryan's promo was worded.
ReplyDelete"Harper and Rowan are in the Rumble, so that leaves you and me, one on one." As if Bryan had to choose between the Rumble and getting Bray.
There are only 18 men announced so far for the Rumble match.
ReplyDeleteOne way they could include Bryan:
Have Bray tell Haper & Rowan that he wants to have himself and Bryan take their places in the match
Is there a list of who's in somewhere? WWE.com, most likely...
ReplyDeleteStole this from Rajah.com
ReplyDeleteBatista, Alberto Del Rio, Kofi Kingston, The Miz, Big E Langston, Goldust, Cody Rhodes, R-Truth, Xavier Woods, C.M. Punk, Fandango, Rey Mysterio, Wade Barrett, Seth Rollins, Roman Reigns, Dean Ambrose, Luke Harper and Erick Rowan.
Home of Rick Scaia.
ReplyDelete1-4, actually. Kingston lost via DQ.
ReplyDeleteGotta think Santino, Khali, a couple of 3MB (if not all), Brodus/Tensai, NXT guy, Usos, and the usual "surprises" would round out that field pretty nicely.
ReplyDeleteBryan could be in... but I could see him not getting in either, same as Bray/Show/Brock/(other singles matches?)
ReplyDeleteLangston (with Rhodes), Woods, Kingston all lose.
ReplyDeleteFunkadactyls win.
Who's missing?
"Attitude Era brawling by the DX band and by the timekeeper’s table also helps mask some of Michaels limitations."
ReplyDeleteHonestly, the Attitude Era brawling into the crowd and around the sets gets a bad rap IMO. There's an element of spontaneity and raw energy that comes across when the wrestlers to this, even over the television.
More over, I still believe that many of the matches in the Attitude Era - while not the most technically superb, came off looking more realistic to the average viewer, because they resembled actual fights more so than competitive MMA or wrestling matches.
Now you can argue 'why should a match between two trained athletes resemble a brawl between two jacked-up amateurs in a back alley', but for the wider, mainstream, pre-UFC audience, I think it was more inherently believable to see guys simply try to hit each other as often and as hard as possible (with some basic power moves - power-bombs, spine-busters, neck-breakers, DDTs, etc, thrown in), than it was to see them roll around on the mat for awhile.
Fair enough, but more importantly: how do you book Bryan for Elimination Chamber and Mania?
ReplyDeleteI guess that's it. 1-3.
ReplyDeleteYou had me thinking for a second..
ReplyDeleteNot sure, but it wouldn't be unprecedented to have a guy in an earlier match and then in the Rumble itself. Hell, guys have had world title shots earlier in the show and then followed up later with a Rumble appearance.
ReplyDeleteDepends on what happens with Bryan winning the Rumble match.
ReplyDeleteI feel so robbed we didn't get Zeb on Raw for MLK day.
ReplyDeletethought the same thing.
ReplyDeletemlk was a proud us citizen. zeb would have no problem with him
ReplyDeleteZeb is a hardcore racist.
ReplyDeleteThe Austin era has begun. So true JR. It may be the most important show in their history or at least top 3.
ReplyDelete