In 2014, an anonymous poster had a dream: that thirty other anonymous posters would get together and pretend that thirty other men were pretend fighting in their place for the right to be called the best Blog of Doom poster in the world.
Next Sunday...that dream will become reality, at the First Annual Zanatude Royal Rumble Invitational!
The rules are simple. The thirty brave souls that agreed to be a part of this will each receive a number. This number corresponds with the entry number of an entrant in WWE's January 26th Royal Rumble match. The Blog of Doomer (or "Blog Otter", as they were once popularly known) that matches up with the wrestler that wins the Royal Rumble will win the First Annual Zanatude Royal Rumble Invitational.
To ensure fairness, the random draw was conducted today under the direct supervision of the law firm Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe. OK, actually, nobody supervised me. I took the entrants in the order I received and went to http://www.random.org/lists/?mode=advanced to create the list, using the randomization phrase "First Annual Zanatude Royal Rumble Invitational", so you are free to recreate the results for yourself if you're a stickler for fairness.
And now, here are the entry numbers of your thirty competitors!
The Ironmen:
1. AmericanWolves02
2. Paul Moseley
3. Stuart_Chartlock
4. ThePat
5. LScisco
No Chance (that's what you got):
6. The Cooler
7. Kyle Warne
8. cultstatus
9. Knowwon Attawi
10. Stephen Jones
11. OfficerFarva
12. jobber123
13. Fistic Glory
14. Stever Ferrari
15. Your_Favourite_Loser
Longshots:
16. Stranger in the Alps
17. JohnPetuka
18. kylelitke
19. Andree Dean
20. PATRICKisLEGEND
Favorites:
21. Matt Hayden
22. YJ2310
23. Power_of_Hogans_HOF_Ring
24. MrJustinB
25. nebb28
26. ABeyAnce1
THE COVETED SPOT OF CHAMPIONS!!!:
27. ziggaman730
Injured Guys That Can't Go Long But Might Win It Anyway:
28. Sirplss
29. Charlie Owens
30. Knuckleberry Pinn
Just to make it interesting, I will let the winner choose their choice of one of following three prizes:
1. A Sony $10 PlayStation Network Card
2. A $10 Xbox Gift Card
3. A slightly used 2013 Tesla Model S
Good luck, and may the luckiest blog poster win!
- Zanatude
P.S. Unfortunately, I see from out my window that the Tesla has just spontaneously burst into flames.
I'm definitely pulling a HBK WM 17 amd showing up to fucked up to work the event
ReplyDeleteHave I been renamed?
ReplyDeleteFirst Annual Zanatude Royal Rumble Invitational.
ReplyDelete"FAZRRI"?
I'm assuming parallax vs vinson is the main event of the show since they aernt in it.
ReplyDeleteFuck all of you. Literally, go fuck yourselves.
ReplyDeleteYou're doing the pre ppv show since nobody cares about you.
ReplyDeleteHmmm, most of the top posters are in the first 15, interesting.
ReplyDeleteI'm also surprise you didn't include yourself in there Zan, you know, for the heck of it.
ReplyDeleteOr I'll dress you up like Chyna and you can escort me to the ring.
ReplyDeleteI don't know which Top 5'er to root for.
ReplyDeleteI feel bad for the guy that gets the wrestler that does the "2 second Jerry Lawler" spot.
I'm going to Mick Foley this bitch up and take out Fistic Glory and take his spot. Capice?
ReplyDeleteUgh. In the no chance block.
ReplyDeleteHas anyone ever one from 7th?
When I win this thing, can someone make me a Rumble 2014 Winner avatar? That would be keen.
ReplyDeleteYou'd want Chyna to escort you to the ring?
ReplyDeleteOr you could go online and find a picture of the winner of the WWE Rumble winning the rumble to put as your avatar.
ReplyDeleteI'm feeling pretty strong about drawing #12
ReplyDeleteMeanwhile, I will be defending the title on the same show against an opponent of my choosing.
ReplyDeleteWho's will you choose?
ReplyDeleteTUNE IN TO NITRO TO FIND OUT!
ReplyDeleteHey, don't get made at me, I didn't make it.
ReplyDeleteEl Dandy. Duh.
ReplyDeleteNumber Three! That's always a top-line star!
ReplyDeleteI have a legit shot at this.
ReplyDeleteI guess I'm stuck in the mid card in a match with Daniel Bryan. The good thing is, I'm definitely going over as he continues to be buried.
ReplyDelete#16. Coincidentally, the same number of jabronis I will be tossing over the top rope, as I make my to the top of the mountain. If ya smelllllllllll *hack hack cough* son of a bitch, I should have had a V8.
ReplyDeleteThat's why the call me the Miracle Fuck Yourself Guy.
ReplyDeleteWait, when did THIS become a thing and where was I?
ReplyDeletei am going to lay out Nebb28 backstage and take his spot
ReplyDeleteI'm actually OK with 8. Hasn't there been a few 8 winners?
ReplyDelete#20... I'm just going to wait and see how this plays out.
ReplyDeletePast winners entrance numbers:
ReplyDelete13
27 four times
25
24 four times
3
23
1 twice
18
5
2 twice
22 twice
29 twice
28
30 twice
8
38
19
So ziggaman and JustinB are the favorites.
Randy Orton won with 8 in 2009. I'm feeling better about this.
ReplyDeleteI'm gonna million dollar man this bitch and make knuckleberry pinn an offer he can't refuse. Everyone has a price. :: obnoxious cackle ::
ReplyDelete#31 in case there's a swerve (caliber).
ReplyDelete:: awesome cackle ::
ReplyDeleteFTFY
I'm going to win the Royal Rumble because I'M BIZARRE!
ReplyDeleteFor years, I thought Michaels won it at #17 in 1996, but I guess I was wrong. It matters not. #17 will be triumphant.
I'm guessing more pre-match promos to follow...
I am still toying with the idea of writing a BoD Royal Rumble, filled with 30 of the BoD's most notorious posters, past and present. I had some time to kill at the airport yesterday and drafted something up in about ten minutes.
ReplyDeleteAm i booked to win? Because if not, well, that doesn't work for me brother.
ReplyDeleteI just want the write-up of the BoD Rumble as Scott's rant with the names switched.
ReplyDeleteI must have lost a qualifying match....
ReplyDeleteI'm betting that ends up being me.
ReplyDeleteyeah but youre randy orton and no one wanted him to win,either
ReplyDeleteA list of people who have entered at 14 (like I will be this year): Ron Bass (1988 - Duggan was 13), Marty Jannetty (89), Haku (90), Davey Boy Smith (91), Hercules (92), Berserker (93), Doink (94), Jacob Blu (95), Doug Gilbert (96), Goldust (97), Ken Shamrock (98), Kurrgan (99), Bob Backlund (2000), The Goodfather (01), DDP (02), Eddie Guerrero (03), Rikishi (04), Orlando Jordan (05), Joey Mercury (06), Jeff Hardy (07), Umaga (08), Finlay (09), MVP (10), Chris Masters (11), Jinder Mahal (12), Rey Mysterio (13).
ReplyDeleteThat list sucks.
No Chance (that's what you got):
ReplyDeleteYour_Favourite_Loser
/morrisette
just call me "bad luck brian"
Genuinely pissed I didn't make it
ReplyDeleteThe odds may not be in my favor.
ReplyDeleteyou were off shooting movies and playing big shot hollywood actor while we were bustin' our humps day after day doing WHAT. WE. LOVE.
ReplyDeleteyou dont love THIS BLOG-NESS.
The first person to enter a Rumble at number 9 was Danny Davis. Since 2008 the number nine has been graced by the following: Hornswoggle, JTG, Drew McIntyre, Husky Harris, Santino, and David Otunga. I look forward to face-palming when my wrestler enters. I'm betting it turns out to be El Torito.
ReplyDeleteNot a good history
ReplyDeleteThat's always a winning gimmick though
ReplyDeleteBut what's the opening tag match gonna be?
ReplyDeleteAnd I had such plans for the flaming wreckage of that Tesla. Oh well, I just hope whoever it is makes me laugh before they get lawn-darted out of the match.
ReplyDeleteMany thanks to OfficerFarva for not editing himself into the #30 spot.
ReplyDeleteI choo-choo-choose you!
ReplyDeleteIll never be appreciated in my time.
ReplyDeleteSays the guy that just squeaked into the last available spot.
ReplyDeleteHa. Damnit, I didn't even think of that.
ReplyDeleten and r look exactly the same after staring at monitors for 15 hours!
ReplyDeletei NEVER gave up hope
ReplyDeletei kept working HARD. i made sure i got that important EDUCATION. i ate right. i studied the past. i took every opportunity i could.
and i scratched my way into the final spot. and here i am, in the rumble, even when doctors told me I'D NEVER POOP AGAIN.
I gamejacked a Royal Rumble thread and offered spots to the first 30 respondants.
ReplyDeleteWell, everybody around here is always saying the Rumble should be won by an unexpected midcarder *cough*me*cough* to give them tem a push up the card *cough*yeah,me*cough*.
ReplyDeleteYeah.
ReplyDeleteI could sell my coveted spot million dollar man style ;). Its on bitchezzzz
ReplyDeleteTeddy Long hasnt decided yet playa....
ReplyDeleteVery much so.
ReplyDeleteBecause I'm bored, the entrants at my position, #21, and how long they lasted: The Warlord (1989 - 0:02), Ultimate Warrior (1990 - 14:29), Jim Duggan (1991 - 4:44), Randy Savage (1992 - 22:26), Typhoon (1993 - 5:12), Tatanka (1994 - 20:07), Aldo Montoya (1995 - 13:21), Aldo Montoya (1996 - 1:52), Bret Hart (1997 - 21:42), Mark Henry (1998 - 19:07), Test (1999 - 12:48), Val Venis (2000 - 11:47), William Regal (2001 - 2:01), Test (2002 - 1:42), Jamal (2003 - 16:07), Mick Foley (ambushed Test to take his spot - 2004 - 0:43), Jonathan Coachman (2005 - 13:48), Orlando Jordan (2006 - 16:09), Kevin Thorn (2007 - 6:15), Carlito (2008 - 15:07), William Regal (2009 - 4:23), Yoshi Tatsu (2010 - 0:29), Booker T (2011 - 1:08), Kharma (2012 - 1:18), Daniel Bryan (2013 - 7:55).
No winners from #21 thus far. Maybe this year!
I guess if we're going for authenticity, it should be me, as #21, that you take out.
ReplyDelete......I'm watching you.
Wait - "Andree Dean"?
ReplyDelete*Cornette face*
...and Cena won at #19 last year, so that's ME with NO CHANCE IN HELL.
ReplyDeleteJesse Baker and dougie as the Wacky Partners Who Can't Get Along are getting a tag title shot. They will win.
ReplyDeleteMore like a post breakup Billy and Chuck.
ReplyDeletehttp://wallsofjerichoholic.blogspot.com/2014/01/the-royal-rumble-by-entry-numbers-7.html
ReplyDeleteNope.
And I have a shot!
ReplyDeleteTwo guys in the final four though...
ReplyDelete