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Cracked article for the blawg

First in fact.  Nothing too earth-shattering in there, but interesting.  


  1. Scott, I don't know if you can access iPlayer from where you are (unless you use magic DNS jiggery-pokery), but have you seen the BBC documentary about the Scottish indie fed Insane Championship Wrestling?

  2. I'll wait a few minutes until Caliber steals it and puts it on his blog. He could use the hits.

  3. Not to hate on the writers of the article, but if you didn't know any of that already, you haven't been paying attention.

  4. Not to shatter your ego, but they aren't writing the article for you.

  5. Thanks! I had cultstatus at 8 minutes in the "First Caliber comment" pool! I WIN!

  6. 8 minutes is way too long.

  7. Those married broads are hard to please huh?

  8. Not usually. They are pretty much just grateful for the attention.

  9. So, the Girl Scouts are on a mission to have the word "Bossy" banned, because it's often used to describe women who are in control.

    Yes, let's just forget the words "nigger", "spic", "kike", "wop", "chink", "retard" and other harmless words that have been used to disparage entire races who have had to deal with REAL fucking oppression, not bullshit like making less money than a man.

    I bet over in the middle east, you know, where women are treated as inanimate objects, where their own family members will MURDER them if they're raped, because then they're impure, they're thanking God they don't have problems like American women who are being called "bossy". What's that? Your husband beat you half to death because you didn't cook dinner right? Well thank God you're not being called bossy!


  10. This is Calibers best work yet

  11. aka ginger brock lesnar

  12. pillsbury dough lesnar

  13. There are ways out. Just so you know.

    And, I love my country. I just hate most of the people in it.

  14. "Three years... is a long time."

  15. Well, to be fair, I probably hate most of the people in the world. Not just here.

  16. I mean if you look at wrestling fans as a whole I imagine there's a kind of funnel. Lets say the pool is... 4 million people who tune into wrestling every week world wide.

    From there you dig down into people who watch it and care enough about it to learn how it works...kind of, lets call that....3 million. From there you got people check into countless news sites like 411mania and This very blog, but there's hundreds of sites that divy up that hypothetical pool.

    From there you drill that number down again into folks who comment on the content and news with regularity, which we'll say is maybe like...30 percent of viewership? (I may actually look into this kind of thing because I'm curious the states of eyeballs-to-engagement on the web), and so on and so forth all the way to folks who listen to wrestling podcasts, write articles about it, and write three paragraph long comments about its fanbase.

    My point is that cracked is shooting for as many eyeballs as possible, and picked some of the things people may not reallllly know, that we all take for granted because our fandom has kind of insulated us into this community that knows pretty much how all the strings are pulled.

  17. I'm going to gander at this later. Thanks!

  18. Oh I can top this!

    In June 1972, a woman appeared in Cedar Senai hospital in nothing but a white, blood-covered gown.

    Now this, in itself, should not be too surprising as people often
    have accidents nearby and come to the nearest hospital for medical
    attention, but there were two things that caused people who saw her to
    vomit and flee in terror.

    The first being that she wasn't exactly human. She resembled
    something close to a mannequin, but had the dexterity and fluidity of a
    normal human being. Her face was as flawless as a mannequins, devoid of
    eyebrows and smeared in make-up.

    There was a kitten clamped in her jaws so unnaturally tight that no
    teeth could be seen, and the blood was still squirting out over her gown
    and onto the floor. She then pulled it out of her mouth, tossed it
    aside and collapsed.

    From the moment she stepped through the entrance to when she was
    taken to a hospital room and cleaned up before being prepped for
    sedation, she was completely calm, expressionless and motionless. The
    doctors thought it best to restrain her until the authorities could
    arrive and she did not protest. They were unable to get any kind of
    response from her and most staff members felt too uncomfortable to look
    directly at her for more than a few seconds.

    But the second the staff tried to sedate her, she fought back with
    extreme force. Two members of staff had to hold her down as her body
    rose up on the bed with that same, blank expression.

    She turned her emotionless eyes towards the male doctor and did something unusual. She smiled.

    As she did, the female doctor screamed and let go out of shock. In
    the woman's mouth were not human teeth, but long, sharp spikes. Too long
    for her mouth to close fully without causing any damage…

    The male doctor stared back at her for a moment before asking "What in the hell are you?"

    She cracked her neck down to her shoulder to observe him, still smiling.

    There was a long pause, the security had been alerted and could be heard coming down the hallway.

    As he heard them approach, she darted forward, sinking her teeth
    into the front of his throat, ripping out his jugular and letting him
    fall to the floor, gasping for air as he choked on his own blood.

    She stood up and leaned over him, her face coming dangerously close to his as the life faded from his eyes.

    She leaned closer and whispered in his ear.

    "I... am... God..."

    The doctor's eyes filled with fear as he watched her calmly walk
    away to greet the security men. His last ever sight would be watching
    her feast on them one by one.

    The female doctor who survived the incident named her "The Expressionless".

    There was never a sighting of her again.

  19. What in the physical fuck did this have to do with anything?

  20. yeah, I sent Scott the link before I even read the article. I just saw something wrestling related & thought "oh, this might be a good read." Then I actually read it and realized that while it wasn't breaking any new ground for us folk there are definitely people who wouldn't know the refs are basically giving stage direction half the time.

  21. After I read the article I ALSO thought "whoo boy, if he posts this article half the comments are gonna be making fun of Caliber." The restraint shown so far is amazing.

  22. Amsterdam_Adam_CurryMarch 18, 2014 at 2:35 PM

    The FUCK are you talking about?

  23. Amsterdam_Adam_CurryMarch 18, 2014 at 2:38 PM

    Something something Caliber something something...

    Sorry, I'm still kind of fucked up from yesterday.

  24. Amsterdam_Adam_CurryMarch 18, 2014 at 2:40 PM

    "Physical fuck?"

  25. Caliber posted this.

  26. Amsterdam_Adam_CurryMarch 18, 2014 at 2:42 PM

    This, or the comment above?

  27. As opposed to a mind fuck etc...

    To answer your question from like 4 days ago my screen name comes from a comic book character. In the 1990's Green Lantern Hal jordan had a massive heel turn and changed his name to Parallax so he could erase the universe and rewrite it as he saw fit. They have since retconned it to have been an alien parasite that was infecting him or some shit. It is also a physics term that means something to the effect of changing the trajectory of an item by changing your perspective on the object. I used to use just Parallax for my screen name but after the early days of the internet it started to always be taken so I started adding the year I was born, hence parallax1978.

  28. I knew I saw that somewhere else... he posted it on Facebook recently.

  29. Amsterdam_Adam_CurryMarch 18, 2014 at 2:46 PM

    I figured it was a comic book thing, otherwise I probably wouldn't have had to ask.

  30. Amsterdam_Adam_CurryMarch 18, 2014 at 2:47 PM

    That figures...

  31. Also by the fact that he is pictured in my avatar

  32. Side note... my girlfriend smokes quite a bit of pot when she doesn't have school/isn't job hunting... figured you would appreciate the irony.

  33. Something something... Blink 182... Something something... any woman I want... Something something...

  34. Women do have it worse than men. Have you ever seriously been terrified that you could be raped, or avoided doing something or going somewhere out of that fear?

    That said, shifting language is not the problem, euphemisms will always find a way.

  35. What the fuck was that?

  36. I'm sure the Girl Scouts are very pro-"spic" and pro-"retard."

  37. AverageJoeEverymanMarch 18, 2014 at 3:43 PM

    I saw a severe lack of Stunt Granny

  38. I think it might it have been AJ LEE after Punk broke up with her.

  39. What is with all these shitty websites thinking lists are an acceptable substitution for actually writing something?

  40. I'll just repeat the "guess this guy never worked with Randy Savage" joke for #4 and be done with it, haha.

  41. Never heard of it, and by the looks of it with a homepage full of lists instead of actual writing, I don't need to.

  42. Did you just get the internet yesterday? It has been around forever.

  43. I'm sure there's tens of thousands of websites that've been around forever I've never heard of.


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