The PG Era Rant: Raw, 5.12.14

When last we left our heroes, they were stuck in movies brought to life. We know what Kane did last summer, and Daniel Bryan has to awaken from his own nightmare on Elm Street. The Shield will die hard against Evolution, and for Triple H, the world is not enough. Bray Wyatt, the Devil's advocate, finds himself destroying John Cena's will, leaving him vs. the World. Payback approaches, but who has the Right Stuff to make it over the top?

The PG Era Rant for Raw, May 12, 2014. Episode #1094.

Live from Greenville, SC.

Your hosts are Michael Cole, JBL, and Jerry Lawler.

Your notes from the Pre-Show:

SPECIAL ANALYST (WHO WILL NOT BE ON RAW): Jimmy Hart. Well, that doesn't help. But Damien Sandow hijacked the pre-show and said that accidents happen and that he believed his destiny was to team with Yoshi Tatsu and never hold a mic again. I don't know what that was about.

SUPERSTARS MATCHES: Titus O'Neil v. Kofi Kingston; Drew McIntyre v. Sin Cara.

RAW PREVIEW: Usos/Cena v. Wyatt Family (rematch from SD); Will Kane's horror show continue; Can the Shield adapt or perish.

PREVIOUSLY ON RAW: Dean Ambrose lost the United States Title to Sheamus in a battle royal, then the Shield lost to the Wyatts and got destroyed by Evolution.

The Shield begin the live show in the ring. Ambrose starts by saying last week was something you don't see every day: the Shield laid out. Yeah, they got killed, but that's okay. The Shield goes down, but doesn't stay down, and they're up more than they're down. Tonight, they stand tall in the ring. Ambrose makes himself clear: they want Evolution. Rollins clarifies that they're not running FROM Evolution but TO them. And if Evolution is real men, they'll accept the challenge for a rematch, and the Shield will run THROUGH them. So when Evolution shows up, the Shield will hunt them down. Yeah, Evolution is good – they are former World Champions who main event WrestleMania and all – but they were good. But now? They're not Evolution because they're too set in their old ways to evolve into what it takes to beat the Shield. Rollins makes sure Reigns is okay, and then hands him the mic. Reigns (who has been pacing more or less the whole time) glares into the camera and says that a week ago, they were victimized, ambushed, bloodied, etc. All of that made Reigns realize: they don't have anything else. If that's true, they have a serious problem. Justice from the Shield can be slow and cold. Evolution will believe in Payback, believe in the Shield, and believe in Reigns in particular.

At this point, the limo arrives. The Shield are watching it pull in, and out comes Evolution. With that, the Shield leave the ring and go after the limo. HHH signs in with the valet as Orton and Batista wait. Evolution head from the parking lot... and the Shield FLY into the picture and attack. WWE officials have to restrain everyone, but the Shield fight like hell not to be restrained. It takes a half-dozen stripes to keep them separated, but Evolution got the worst of it, all holding their heads in pain. It's on.

Later tonight: Usos and Cena face the Wyatt Family!

Rob Van Dam is on his way to the ring for a match. He has a black eye from last week's match with Cesaro.

Zeb Colter asks for quiet from the crowd in his pre-match promo. See, last week, he was unveiling the all-important Deportation List (as important as the Bill of Rights, you know), when Adam Rose interrupted and got his name on the list. He's an Englishman with leftover hippies and Rocky Horror rejects. See, a man who hangs around with a full-grown bunny has questionable morals and adds nothing to society. He tells Rose to keep his distance. WE THE PEOPLE!

Rob Van Dam v. Jack Swagger. But wait – before the match can even begin – by which I mean 2 seconds after the bell rings – the Exotic Express is back and boogies down the aisle with Adam Rose. Is that Eugene dressed as a gladiator? Does that mean my argument is invalid? And OF COURSE there's a guy dressed as Waldo too. Swagger can't catch Rose before Rose stage dives onto his entourage. Rose and company distract Swagger enough so that when he turns around, RVD kicks him down and Five-Stars him for the pin at 2:05. This was an angle instead of a match. JBL: “What, is the Gobbledygooker in there?” RVD of course joins the party. Cole tries to teach JBL how to be a part of the Exotic Express.

Later tonight: Paige in action. Here's a video about her.

I Bo Lieve I Can Fly...

Non-title: Paige v. Alicia Fox. But first, Alicia Fox tells Paige (on behalf of everyone in the locker room) that Paige has alienated everyone. There's something about Paige they don't like. And she slaps Paige. Alicia stomps away on Paige, refusing to give her enough air for the referee to check in on her. Paige slowly pulls herself up and says she can go. Fox with a kneelift and smashes to the jaw, then a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. She tosses Paige to the floor from a sidewalk slam position, then runs her back into the apron. She throws Paige in, getting two. Fox with an arm-wringer, elbows, and a Northern Lights Suplex for two. Fox goes to the chinlock, wrenching the neck. Crowd is so happy with Fox's domination they want CM Punk. Fox slams Paige down, then lands another tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Fox shows off for the crowd and covers, getting two. Back to the chinlock, transitioning to a surfboard, into a bow-and-arrow. But Fox's shoulders are on the mat – which the ref doesn't see – so she throws Paige face-first out of the hold. Fox with a mat slam on Paige, and back to the chinlock. She switches to a headlock, pounding away, but Paige with the Paige Turner out of nowhere to win at 3:55. 3/4* Needless to say, Fox is furious, taking it out on Paige's jacket and the announce table. And JBL's beer. “What are you looking at!?” She even shoves around a timekeeper and leaves with JBL's hat. Alicia Fox shows some heelishness. About time they had character.

Switching gears to last week and Daniel Bryan getting caught in a horror show, droogs. I'd prefer to focus on how he had a great 15-minute match with Del Rio, but hey, I'm just a mark, right? Anyway, up next Daniel Bryan will speak to the audience.

So let's review: a NXT wrestler debuts the night after Mania. She unironically congratulates AJ, who acts like a stuck-up jerk and demands a match with her. Ms NXT wins after getting one move of offense. She then has matches with the lower card in which she sells more than she attacks, coming out like the master of upsets. You know, I have to say, this is a great way to book Bayley as Divas' champion, isn't it?

Here's Daniel. If he's hurt, he isn't showing it, although he's in jeans so odds are he has the night off. Sign in the crowd: “Randy Kills Ovaries”. Everyone's doing the YES. Bryan thanks them and all of us at home because of how long the road has been to be champ. From the moment he won at SummerSlam – even for that 30 seconds before the cash-in – he knew it was an uphill battle. It's just the hill is steeper than he knew. Crowd does more YES. “So that's what it feels like to be John Cena.” Everyone from Orton on down got thrown at Bryan, but somehow – largely because of the fans – the odds were beaten. Bryan walked out as the champion. But, when you're the champ, you've got the target on you. And as soon as he got back from the honeymoon, Kane beat him down. He got three Tombstones, none of them in the ring, and because of that, Bryan was in a neck brace. But he was going to come back and beat Kane, which he did at Extreme Rules thank you very much. But there was a price. See, the reason people cheer for Bryan is because he's paid that price with his body.

Unfortunately, he paid that price with surgery. This Thursday he's getting surgery. He's not happy about it – it's cutting down his dream. What's frustrating is that Stephanie and HHH are happy that he needs surgery. To them, his career is over. (Crowd: NO!) Bryan says there's a chance it could be done... but it WON'T be. When will Daniel come back? He doesn't know, but he WILL be back! (YES!) Bryan gets to walk out on his own, with no one stripping him of the gold.

The announcers discuss this. There is no timetable for his return.

Up next: a six-man tag as John Cena and the Usos face the Wyatt Family! We look back at Extreme Rules and at Bray Wyatt's declaration of victory over Cena for the hearts of children. Then, we get Cena's rebuttal on Main Event. Whether it's editing or the original, Cena's speech was well done.

The line I'm hearing is it's minimally invasive and they think he can get back by Payback. What happens if this is more serious?

Meanwhile, apparently Alicia Fox quit on the WWE App. Yes, they had her show fire and heelishness as a prelude to her walking out. I don't get it either.

John Cena and the Usos v. Wyatt Family. We see footage of John Cena as the grand marshall for the Race for the Cure in DC. Bray has stopped saying the city name in his intro. Harper starts with an Uso – according to Cole, it's Jey, so I'm going with that – and Harper forces Jey into the corner. He smashes Jey across the ring but eats boot and gets cradled for one. Jey with uppercuts to Harper, and he adds a diving clothesline for another one. Harper with a dropkick (surprise!) and uppercut as the announcers compare Harper to Bruiser Brody. Rowan with a front slam, and he fish-hooks Jey's nose as the dueling chants begin. Bray in now, and he stomps away on Jey. Harper back in, and he smacks Jey around. Back elbows in the corner, then some stomping. Hammer Throw follows, then chops in the corner. Another Throw, but a charge misses and Jimmy's in. Superkick to Harper's gut, then a kneeling uppercut and Samoan Drop. Ten punches in the corner, but Harper shoves him off only for Jimmy to get a spiral backsplash for two. Rikishi hip check, but Rowan stops it and Harper lands a big boot for two. Bray tags in, and he floors Jimmy with a right. Knee smashes to a seated Jimmy in the corner, and he picks Jimmy up for a running uppercut. Harper enters, getting an elbowdrop for two. Gator Roll follows, into a headlock. Neat touch: Cena drops down to the floor so he can look Jimmy in the eye and encourage him. Jimmy up now, and he punches off only to get caught with a running elbow by Harper. Rowan in, and he lands a kneedrop. He gets a backbreaker, then tries to kick Jimmy to the floor. Bray laughs as Rowan drags Jimmy over. Bray in with a stomp. Jimmy with an upprecut to start a slugfest, but Bray wins it ad sends Jimmy into the corner. Avalanche by Bray and he picks Jimmy up again, but Jimmy with a spinkick. Cena gets the hot tag (as the crowd is 100% positive) and he runs over Rowan with the usual. Five Knuckle Shuffle is stopped by Harper, but he gets floored. Rowan is dumped over the top, but Harper with the wheelbarrow slam to Cena. Jey dives off onto Harper, but Bray lands an uranage to Jey. Jimmy with the Dragon Whip to Bray, but he runs into Rowan and regrets it. Rowan is then caught by Cena into an STF, but Bray with a senton to stop it. Bray glares at Cena and picks him up for Sister Abigail's Kiss, but Jimmy out of nowhere gets a superkick, as does Jey. Harper eats two superkicks as well, and it's stereo planchas to Bray and Harper. Rowan and Cena are alone now, and it's the AA to win at 9:43. Crowd was red hot for this match. ***1/4 But Bray has something to say: thank you. Thank you? Yes, because Bray finally knows what he has to do. No hint as to what that is, as Bray just laughs and stares a hole in Cena.

Evolution will be here next.

And indeed, after the break, Evolution comes out in a nasty mood, with HHH and Orton still checking their jaws. We look back as to why they're in a bad mood. JBL and Lawler argue over whether the Shield was justified. Orton starts by saying he's had enough. It's time to take the gloves off. They need to kick the Shield's ass. It's time to put the Hounds to sleep. Batista's also had enough of this. HHH agrees it might be time to end it. At Extreme Rules, the Shield proved they were good – but hey, HHH knew that. It's why he made them who they are. But now, the Shield is too big for themselves. Maybe HHH was wrong about the Shield. He's disappointed at that so-called attempt at an ambush. The Shield has no idea – they're an undisciplined bunch of kids. It ends. If the Shield wants a rematch at Payback? You want a rematch for a match you won? So be it. And this time, the gloves are off, and Evolution will do what they do: take them apart one by one. They'll start with Dean Ambrose. When they're done humbling Ambrose, they'll pull the wings off of Seth Rollins. And they'll go for the big dog in Roman Reigns. If you want Evolution to believe in Roman... they will take their time with Roman and make an example out of him. The example is that Reigns will be the one whose career ends at Payback. Roman will not adapt, and at Payback, he will p...

...wait, Seth Rollins trips HHH from behind and the brawl is on! Evolution is taken apart, with each one dumped from the ring in turn. HHH tries to get back up, and Reigns sends him flying. Play Shield's music as we have a staredown! But Batista says he's had enough of the Shield. He calls Reigns out and demands a match TONIGHT. And now Evolution's music plays as they leave. Cole: “We'll find out if that's all he got.”

Wow. The Shield is getting the best of Evolution twice tonight. This is a chance to put the trio over HUGE as three future World Champions... but at the same time, can you afford to punk out Evolution? Then again, Batista's the rental, so he can afford to job... but at what point does... I know Evolution won big last week, and... I'm intrigued by this match. I don't know how it should go.

The Total Divas are at ringside, meaning Brie, Eva, Cameron, and Naomi.

Nikki Bella v. Natalya. Apparently, this was set up by Total Divas last night. This does not explain why the other four are holding judge cards. That's right – this is about the painting. Natalya isn't happy. They lock up, and Natalya gets a hiptoss and chokes away for one. Another try, and Nikki gets a monkey flip for one. Cameron gives it a 10. Nikki grabs Natlaya's leg, but Natalya reverses to a leglock. Naomi gives it a 6. Nikki to a headlock, but Natalya shoves out oly to get floored by Nikki. Natalya with kneelifts in the corner before she gets separated, and Nikki with a second-rope leg shot for two. Of course Brie gives it a 10. Natalya slaps Nikki, who slaps back. This gets back ad forth until Natalya gets an abdominal stretch. She even hooks the toe. Gorilla Monsoon would be proud. Nikki reverses it (Brie with an 8), but Natalya flings Nikki into the ropes. She pounds away on Nikki in the ropes, but Nikki reverses (Eva Marie: 6, Cameron: 9) and a catfight breaks out. Natalya shoves Nikki, who shoves back and gets a cradle for two. Natalya with a cradle for one. Natalya with a wheelbarrow cradle, but Nikki sits down for the win at 3:29. Eva Marie and Cameron give 10s. Meh, 4/10. 1/2* Nikki hangs out with the others as Natalya rips up Cameron's number cards and appears very hurt by all this. Naomi tries to console Natalya.

Later tonight, Batista faces Roman Reigns and all indications are everyone will be at ringside!

Hey – I know most of you don't want Total Divas forced down your throat, but if they're going to intertwine stories, it's fine by me. Natalya as the TD's outcast could lead to a heel turn, or it could lead to a lesson in bullying, or they could all close ranks when AJ returns. I'm not going to write it off yet, especially since the Divas' division getting stories can only be a good thing.

Your Slam of the Week was Dean Ambrose losing his US Championship to Sheamus.

Curtis Axel v. Sheamus. The crowd didn't get the memo that Sheamus is supposed to turn heel. Ryback and Axel can't decide who gets the match, so they flip a coin. Heads Axel wins, tails Ryback loses. Curtis said that. Ryback fell for it. Axel backs Sheamus into the corner, but Sheamus with a headlock takedown. Axel with knees in the corner and some CLUBBERIN. Sheamus returns in kind, getting a back elbow and kneedrop for one. Uppercut from Sheamus, and he sends Axel into the corner. Axel with a kick and running knee for one. Axel punches away and stomps Sheamus against the bottom rope, but Sheamus recovers with right hands. Axel with a dropkick. He stomps away in the corner, but gets caught running in with a Finlay Roll. Running kneesmash by Sheamus, and he goes up, but Axel crotches him. Shots to the back and Axel with a neckbreaker to knock Sheamus off the top, getting two. Axel with a Perfectplex attempt, but Sheamus reverses, catching Axel for the Cloverleaf. It gets the submission at 3:18, but Ryback charges in and mauls Sheamus. We got another one!

Ryback v. Sheamus, in progress. Ryback is working the chinlock coming out of commercial – of course – as Sheamus fights back. Ryback with the press into powerslam for two. Ryback kicks Sheamus like a bully, but that ticks Sheamus off and he fires back. Slam by Ryback, but the splash hits knees. Sheamus wins the slugfest, climbing the ropes for a ten punch, but Ryback tries a powerbomb coming out. Sheamus is on his feet and lands Irish Hammers. Shoulder to the gut follows, then a running knee. He charges, but Ryback throws him to the apron. Sheamus catches Ryback and it's Ten of Clubs time. He tries to launch himself back in, but Ryback catches him in a carry jawbreaker for two. Axel thought it was three. Ryback is ready to end it as he lines up the Meathook, but he runs into the Celtic Cross for two. Sheamus tries a Cloverleaf after some gut stomps, but Ryback fights out. Brogue Kick misses, and Ryback gets the Simmons spinebuster for two. Axel: “STAY DOWN!” Ryback pounds away on Sheamus and sends him into the corner, but runs into an elbow, then a mule kick, then an Oklahoma Slam for two. Sheamus appears to have an idea, and it's Brogue Kick being called for. Axel with a distraction, and Ryback lands the Meathook. Shell Shock is tried, but Sheamus gets out and it's Brogue time for the second win at 5:31 shown. The whole thing was actually pretty good, with Sheamus and Ryback doing fun power moves to each other. *3/4 combined.

Still to come: Batista, Roman Reigns, and a ton of outside interference!

Okay, my minions are now telling me they were misled and someone made up the Alicia Fox quitting thing. GOOD. I could go back and change my comments earlier, but it's fun to see me look like an idiot, right, guys?

Meanwhile, our Main Event main event is Sheamus facing Cesaro in a non-title match.

And now here's Stephanie. Abeyance is getting warmed up in the back. She recaps that Daniel Bryan had a story about overcoming the odds, winning the title, defeating Kane, etc. Yes. Yes he did those things. But now he has to undergo neck surgery on Thursday, which just proves that Stephanie's right (as much as it kills her). This shows Daniel Bryan can't be an A+ player. His body couldn't keep up with his heart. His heart WANTS to do it for the people. He has the heart of a champion... but not the body. He can't pull through for the fans. And Stephanie was trying to protect him, but now, they have to do what's best for business. So Stephanie asks Bryan to come to the ring.

No Daniel. Stephanie asks again.

But instead, Kane. And Kane is dragging what's left of Daniel's body with him. Stephanie is bug-eyed in the ring and Kane deposits Bryan on the stage and walks off. Officials check in on Bryan as Stephanie looks horrified. The stretcher comes out to carry Bryan off. Brie is out too. Stephanie even checks on Daniel. Brie is begging someone to tell her that Bryan is okay. The crowd is chanting loudly for Daniel Bryan as they load him up. Stephanie asks them to be careful with his neck. Brie tries to encourage Bryan as he's wheeled off.

There. Happy now? No horror show stuff, just a massive beating. Brie needs to beat Stephanie in a match. Period.

Backstage, they're loading Bryan in the ambulance. Stephanie's apologies draw a dirty look from Brie. After he's loaded in, Stephanie tries to apologize to Brie, but Brie just tells her to back off before getting in the ambulance. Stephanie looks around as the ambulance drives off.

Dolph Ziggler v. Fandango. Total Divas footage of Fandango making out with Summer Rae before he dumped her. JBL calls Fandango “Gene Kelly crossed with Ken Shamrock”. There's a visual we all needed. Fandango with a waistlock, but Dolph reverses to a headlock and knocks Fandango over. Leapfrog sequence, and Fandango with armdrags and dancing. Dolph returns in kind, adding a dropkick before being dumped out. Back in, it gets two. Fandango with crossface blows to Dolph as the crowd demands Ziggler win this. Dolph fights out but runs into a kneelift and snap suplex for two. Fandango to the chinlock now, but Dolph jawbreaks out. Crowd rallies Dolph, who gets a Stinger Splash and ten punches. Rude Awakening follows. Famouser misses, and Fandango with the Falcon Arrow for two. He goes up top, but has to leap over Dolph, who follows with the Famouser for two. Layla hops on the apron, so Dolph calls her off and gets planted by Fandango for two. Now Layla's stuck in the apron and Fandango checks on her, which allows Dolph the Zig Zag for the pin at 4:48. Fandango needs to go away. Now. 1/2* Layla tries to apologize. Fandango lets it go because he's in love. He gets lost when she's in his arms. Dolph may have won, but Layla won Fandango's heart. He confesses his love for her, and they seal it with a dip and a kiss. JBL wants this off the air. Cole calls him on his whiplash, since JBL was talking about what a great couple they were during the match.

Batista! Reigns! Tonight! (What would the main event have been if this didn't happen?)

Extreme Rules was the most watched show of last week.

Hacksaw Jim Duggan in the house! Big deal alert: he gets his own hashtag. HOOO! JBL: “As articulate as ever.” Duggan fires the crowd up and talks about how great it is to be at a live event, especially after Legends' House. He gets more excited about it... and here comes Lana. Really should've seen this coming. “Hoxah Jim Doogan” symbolizes everything about America: a great nation in decline, with a crumbling empire. China has passed the US as the biggest economy. This is why Alexander Rusev is proud (“USA! USA!”) to represent Mother Russia and Vladimir Putin, whose picture gets more heel heat than Lana.

Duggan cuts Lana off and fires the crowd up in a huge USA chant. Lana says it proves the US' inferiority. So here comes Rusev. Lana with a nod, and Rusev heads to Duggan in the ring. The announcers tell Duggan to run, but Duggan goes to a corner. Duggan has the 2x4 ready to strike, but Lana tells “Doogan” to beg for mercy OR ELSE. Duggan says heck no, so Rusev steals the 2x4 and breaks it over his knee. Now Duggan is scared, but he won't back down. So Lana gives the order to crush...

...but wait, here comes Big E Langston to a huge pop. Rusev catches E and takes him apart with a shoulder ram and superkick. Langston exits the ring as Duggan checks on him and encourages him with a USA chant.

A look back at how the Shield has gotten two up on Evolution already tonight. The two sides will meet again at Payback, but tonight, it's Batista and Roman Reigns!

Well, if they have him throw Langston around, I think it might get Rusev more over. Assuming anything can get him over with his negative charisma.

Damien Sandow v. Cody Rhodes. Damien Sandow smuggled a microphone to the ring. He says people are afraid of what he has to say, and they don't want to hear it. He could come out and say what he's feeling... but... and he's cut off. Sandow with a waistlock, but Rhodes blocks and gets a fireman's carry before mocking Sandow. Cody with a wristlock, but Sandow elbows out only to get caught with the Brisco rollup for one. Cody with shots in the corner, and he gets a punt, but Sandow avoids the Disaster Kick and nails shots of his own into a ground and pound. He chews Cody out, calling him a punk, while smashing him around, then gets a suplex for one. Sandow with the headlock, but Cody hiptosses out and gets a cradle for one. Small package gets one. Sandow sends Cody into the ropes and lands crossface blows on him, adding a running hip check. Russian legsweep leads to the Cubito Aequet, which misses. Sandow pounds away on the apron, adding a Cubito Aequet while he's at it, then jumps back in to get two. Back to the chinlock. Cody fights out, landing Ted Jr's following lariat. Springboard dropkick follows, then a Holly low kick. Cross Rhodes misses, and Sandow with shots to the gut in the corner. He keeps punching away, drawing a warning from the referee, so Cody gets an eye rake and Disaster Kick for the pin at 4:52. No heat whatsoever. 3/4* Seriously, remember when this was a upper midcard feud last summer?

Next, our main event! Batista battles Reigns!

It's amazing how fast the show cools off when you have two straight meaningless nothing matches.

Show your strength from within. Achieve what you thought you could never do. Bo Lieve, and you will succeed.

We look back at Daniel Bryan announcing his injury and getting mauled in return, complete with Brie ready to attack Stephanie.

Bray Wyatt says John Cena is acting human, and all humans are flawed. It's their ignorance and greed, their lust for power that prevents them from thriving and makes them parasites. Cena's no different. He has boundless narcissism that leads Cena to Wyatt, but when does it end? Will Cena return home with the head of the beast so he can brag about his fights? The beast is waiting. Last week, Cena said he'd never give up, even if he was the last man standing. Bray likes that – so at Payback, he wants to test that theory. When mountains crumble, Bray stands. When oceans boil, he stands. And when everything burns around Cena, he is standing. How far is Cena willing to go to take the devil down? More singing. Burn.

Here come the participants for the main event, and indeed Roman Reigns has his Shield mates with him.

Last Man Standing? I Quit? Inferno? Ring of Fire? Uh... did I miss the stipulation? Hard to tell when Bray's voice modulates like it does.

On SmackDown, John Cena will respond.

Main Event: Roman Reigns v. Batista. Both sides have backup. Batista with a double-leg, but it goes nowhere and Batista shoves him away. Lockup, and Batista with a kneesmash and shots in the corner. Reigns reverses and goes nuts with shoulder shots. Hammer Throw to Batista and he bails. Both seconds get closer as the two men fight by the barricade. Reigns sends Batista into the steps. He rolls Batista in after smashing him into the steps, but misses the Superpunch into the corner. Batista with a charging clothesline. He sends Reigns into the post shoulder-first, then brings him back for one. Running soccer kick by Batista, but Reigns gets back up with headbutts. Reigns puts his head down, and Batista with a kick and Hammer Throw, but Reigns bounces out with a clothesline. Everyone gets on the apron to stop a follow-up. Batista recovers, but runs into some right hands before landing a knee. Blind charge eats boot, and Reigns goes coast-to-coast with a clothesline. He knocks Batista over and tries the Drive-By Dropkick, but HHH and Orton cut it off. Rollins and Ambrose dive onto HHH and Orton, and the Drive By connects. Someone goes into the announce table, so HHH pulls Reigns out and gets set up for the Pedigree when Rollins attacks HHH. The ref throws it out at 4:18. * Shield work over HHH and roll him in as Evolution is groggy. Shield stands over Evolution, then go on the attack. Stephanie calls out the locker room to protect Evolution, and those 11 guys empty to target the Shield. (Sort of – Brodus Clay replaces Alberto Del Rio.) They isolate Reigns and mug him. HHH gets a chair as Evolution looks on and Reigns is down 1-on-14. HHH raises the chair... and gets speared! Ambrose and Rollins get their own chairs and start to clear the ring of everybody. Evolution scatters, so Fandango gets a bulldog driver on one chair, Axel gets the Blackout to another, and Heath Slater is the oly one standing... until he gets Superpunched. Ryback is speared HARD by Reigns. Triplebomb time, and Ryback is planted. They call for Evolution to come get some, and Evolution just walks off. It's a three-on-three staredown as we see replays of everything and end the show.

THOUGHTS:

With Daniel Bryan's future unknown, tonight was all about the Shield. As much as I like the idea of the Shield using chairs to get even, and while Evolution did run off before getting hurt, there's still the fact that the entire locker room just got beaten up by the Shield. Although, on another note, all the hired guns ran off when the chairs came out. What I'm saying is, they have to be careful or it'll get Uncensored 1996 level ridiculous.

The big problem with making the entire show about one story like this is that it leads to downtime. There were bright spots – the Total Divas getting a story, Alicia Fox getting a character, Sheamus winning two decent matches – but the third hour dragged HARD. There was also only one good long match, which takes my grade down a notch. So... yeah.

STATS:

MATCH TIME: 50:19 over nine matches, only one of which went over seven minutes

BEST MATCH: Six-man

WORST MATCH: Dolph/Fandango

NIGHT MVP: The Shield, though Sheamus is a close second.

RATING: Meh, 4/10. It had its moments, and building the Shield was a sign that they have a backup plan for when Daniel Bryan is incapacitated, but my goodness so much downtime. The first hour showed promise, and the second hour was okay, but I don't blame you if you fell asleep before the main event.

Matt is on deck, Scott is NXT, and Tommy concludes the week. See you in seven, if not sooner. I wonder if the locker room is already mentally halfway to England.